Disclaimer: POTC belongs to Disney.

Jack slowly broke away from the kiss to leave a breathless Ethel grasped in his arms.

Jack: That wasn't your first kiss, was it love?

Ethel: (nods, breathes heavily)

PickyReader: How can that be her first kiss? She's bloody in her "early twenties" for goodness sakes!

PertReader: (whispers) She must've been really ugly before.

HappyReader: Or really fat.

CynicalReader: Or really stupid.

(All Readers pause for a moment)

AllReaders: Pretty sure it was the latter.

SmartReader: Ahem, as a Mary Sue Specialist, the reason the author put this is as Ethel's "first kiss" because who wouldn't want their first kiss to be with Jack Sparrow? And besides, all Mary Sue authors have no lives whatsoever so they may not even have kissed anyone yet.

Author: What are you implying of me?

SmartReader: (trembles) N-n-nothing miss. Only that you're more beautiful than the sun rising over the freshly dew settled mountains that –

Author: Silence wench!

SmartReader: Eeep!

Jack grinned at her and leant in for another kiss.

CynicalReader: Here we go. Here comes a stupid description on how "passionate" and "fiery" the kiss was.

The passion behind it all made Ethel's knees buckle. Luckily, she was still held firmly by Jack. Yada yada yada the kiss became fiery, yada yada yada, Jack's tongue parted her lips, yada yada yada Wesley sneaked up between them and got some action.

AttentiveReader: Ew! What!

Author: Scratch that last bit out. Just checking to see if anyone was paying attention!

AllReaders: (rubs eyes with some cleaning fluid) Yeah … too much attention.

Jack: I love you.

Ethel: I love … cake. I mean you! I love you! Sorry, been catching reruns of That 70's show.

Will: Yeah that Ashton Kutcher is hot right?

Jack: How the hell did you get in here? Hello? We're having a private moment here! Private! Get out!

Will: (slinks away) Sorry.

ObsessiveReader: What? "I love you" already? They only just met! They haven't even had a proper conversation yet!

WiseReader: Love is a feeling that is realised only by those who are brave enough to admit it, little grasshopper.

CynicalReader: Oh shut up! Hey, David Carradine just called, he wants his line back! And take that stupid robe off you, it looks ridiculous!

WiseReader: Those who are concerned by superficiality are not at peace with their inner self.

CynicalReader: (ignores the Kung-Fu master wannabe) Oh please, I've seen an "I love you" in the third chapter. And it wasn't even a flashback!

Jack: I love you. Even though I know who you are.

Wesley: Just get onto it man! Do you know how much bleach I'm gonna have to use on my eyes just to clear out the image of you two gettin' it on!

Ethel: Who? I need to know! I lost my memory and now I have no idea who I am.

Jack: Really? I didn't know that!

Ethel: Yeah, well, if you had at least tried to listen to me, you would've known! I don't like the way you take me for granted Jack!

Wesley: Oh you guys are sooo married.

Jack: (ignores the last mood swing as there is much expository dialogue up ahead) You are Captain Ethel Moonshine, one of the most fearsome pirate in the Caribbean. You sailed aboard the White Swan. Your father held the two keys needed to unlock the treasure. He entrusted me with the map to the treasure. I don't know how that man came to have one of the keys or how you came to have one of the keys.

(Silence)

Ethel: What? Oh, sorry. I wasn't paying attention. I saw something shiny over there and I decided to play with it. Could you please repeat it?

Jack: (groan) Fine. You are Captain Ethel Moonshine, one of the most fearsome pirates in the Caribbean. You sailed aboard the White Swan. Your father held the two keys needed to unlock the treasure. He entrusted me with the map to the treasure. I don't know how that man came to have one of the keys or how you came to have one of the keys.

Author: Copy and paste-y goodness.

Ethel: I have a ship? (faints)

CynicalReader: Ah yes, in true Mary Sue-style, the exposition was done in an utterly uncreative way. Kudos to you!

Author: Thank you.

CynicalReader: But why does she faint so much?

Author: Well, loads of reasons really. So she can fall into Jack's awaiting arms, makes a "dramatic" end to the chapter and because she really is a dainty little thing. Even though she was the "most fearsome pirate in the Caribbean".

CynicalReader: Gotcha.