Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Wars, Daredevil, the Indiana Jones series, Alias, Buffy, Elvish, Lord of the Rings or the Silmarillion.

The Black Pearl was sailing with a swift breeze behind her on the second day after Ethel's, Wesley's and Jack's decision to retrieve the "treasure". After consulting the map thoroughly (something that Jack had conveniently never done in the long years he's had it because it's not like he'd bother himself with the idea of vast amounts of hidden treasure) it seemed like both the treasure and the island it was on had names.

ObservantReader: (smirks) More like the author couldn't think up some names at the time.

Author: Quiet or there will be no more tequila shots for you!

ObservantReader: (keeps quiet)

The island was called –

SmartReader: According to "Mary Sue's and You" by Irma Baed Riter, these names should relate to another obsession of the author's.

CynicalReader: "The island was called 'Naboo'". Mmmmm, Hayden Christensen.

DumbReader: "The island was called the 'Island of Doom'". Mmmmm, Harrison Ford.

PertReader: "The island was called 'Sunnydale'". Mmmmmm, Spike.

DumbReader: "The island was called the 'Island of Doom'". Mmmmm, Harrison Ford.

PickyReader: "The island was called 'Hell's Kitchen'". Mmmmm, Ben Affleck.

DumbReader: "The island was called the 'Island of Doom'". Mmmmm, Harrison Ford.

AllReaders: Shut up about old fogies!

DumbReader: (goes off and fantasizes about old fogies)

Author: You're all wrong (goes off and looks for pretty sounding Elvish names in her copy of the Silmarillion)

- Tol Melian.(1)

AllReaders: (gag)

The treasure on Tol Melian was named the treasure of -

HappyReader: Frodo!

CynicalReader: Legolas! Yes, I like that … the Treasure of Legolas. Mmmmm …

- the Treasure of Tingilinde.(2)

AllReaders: (groan)

HappyReader: Oooh, lookie! "Treasure" has a capital now! Just like in a real novel!

Ethel and Wesley were to be found sitting at the bow of the ship, watching another glorious sunset and discussing matters.

Wesley: Let's discuss some matters.

Ethel: Sure, what matters would you like to discuss?

Wesley: Oh, matters worth discussing.

Ethel: What matters would that be that need discussing?

Wesley: Discuss-worthy matters.

(2 hours later)

Ethel: I'm scared Wesley.

Wesley: Oh, it's quite easy. All you have to remember is to follow through with the swinging of the arm and point your hand to where you want the ball to go. The pins are easy to knock down once you've got the swing of things.

Ethel: Not about ten pin bowling but about me and Jack!

Wesley: (nods wisely) Ah yes. Don't worry, it'll all pan out nicely. I'm sure of it. Just go with the flow and you'll have nothing to worry about.

Ethel: Are you sure?

Wesley: Sure I'm sure! I'm your trusty guide aren't I?

Ethel: (smiles) Okay.

Just then, a commotion broke out on board and Wesley went to check it out.

Wesley: Hmmm, looks like someone forgot to return the latest Vogue back to Will again. I'll sort it out.

Ethel was left alone, watching the sun fall down to the horizon while Will and Wesley got into a furious hair-pulling and eye-scratching battle.

Will: But (scratch) he (pull) took it (hiss) and (rip) never (tear) gave it (tug) back!

Norrington: (Held back by Wesley who indeed, was taking the majority of the scratches, pulls, hisses, rips, tears and tugs) I was gonna give it back! You're so stingy about these things!

Will: Shut up! It had the Summer Season Pirate Fashion Update! Checked puffy sleeves are in again! I could wear them with my new orange striped go-go boots!

Norrington: Only a fairy like you would wear checked puffy sleeves with orange striped go-go boots. That is so Oxford Street.(3)

And on and on it went until the moon rose and the stars appeared in the sky. The fight only dissipated when the smell of food wafted over them and brought them to realise the lack of food in their stomachs.

DumbReader: Huh?

SnappyReader: They were hungry stupid!

(Everyone goes to have some food)

Ethel got up from the railing in which she was sitting on and made to follow them.

7 tankards of rum, endless rounds of bad singing, 3 hours of drunken dancing, and 1 badly contrived situation later …

Ethel: (throws up over the side of the ship, narrowly missing Jack)

Jack: There you go love, you'll feel better soon.

Ethel: (woozy) Woah … I've … never drank … so … so … so … much be-… before. Hey man, you look funny. What's up with that weird hat? Heehee. And dude, you re- … really need to get a good dentist man … That whole gold teeth look went out … well … it was never in, so … Hey man, why are you so grumpy?

Just as she was about to fall, Jack caught her in his arms and held her close.

Jack: You are so beautiful.

Ethel: Wha-?

But Jack's lips were upon hers before she could even finish her word.

AllReaders: Ewwwww.

ObservantReader: Didn't she just throw up before?

SmartReader: Indeed she did.

ObservantReader: That is just nasty.

With their lips still connected, they both found their feet moving towards the doors of Jack's cabin and their hands roaming each others body, eager to touch what was underneath the thin fabrics.

InnocentReader: (baffled)

Jack broke away the kiss when Ethel bumped into the door.

Jack: Are you sure about this?

He gazed into her eyes and became lost in them. Beautiful they were, yet perilous too. Just like the sea. She was inebriated and he didn't want to take advantage of that, especially being young as she was.

CynicalReader: Cradle snatcher! He's like in his mid 40's and she's in her early twenties! That is just wrong dude!

AvidReader: Who cares? It's Captain Jack Sparrow we're talking about here!

CynicalReader: (sighs) Fair enough.

Ethel: (Miraculously not woozy anymore) Of course I'm sure.

That was enough for Jack who took her in his arms, opened the door and shut them behind him.

(singsong voice) You know what happens ne-ext! You know what happens ne-ext! (singsong voice)

(1)Melian was a Maiar who dwelled in Beleriand during the First Age of Middle Earth with King Thingol. Her name is derived from mel which is Elvish for love. – Lord of the Rings -

(2)Apparently, tingilinde is Elvish for twinkling star. It sounds like a brand of orange fizzy drink to me.

(3)Oxford Street is a street in Melbourne known for its gay nightclubs and weird drag queen shows. It's awesome. And scary. Any Melbournians here?