Allo, allo! I can't believe I'm updating so soon! It's the next day, and I've decided to update…Shocking, isn't it? Anyway, I just have time right now…and I'm taking full advantage of it. So, enjoy the chapter!
Anne stood frozen to her spot, watching Gilbert getting ever farther away. And suddenly, she snapped out of her dream-like state when her teeth began to chatter again, and took off running after him. Just as she had caught up with him, she turned to her and gave her the nastiest look he had ever given her, and she faltered for a second. That look was like a physical hit to her stomach. Why did it hurt so much that he was mad at her? No. No, it didn't hurt because he was mad at her…at least, that wasn't all that hurt. It hurt even more to know that she had disappointed him so grievously. She had now caught up with him fully, and was jogging along as he took long strides, trying to get away from her.
"G-Gilbert. I need to e-explain what happened t-tonight." Curse my chattering teeth! It doesn't sound as sincere anymore, Anne thought angrily.
He looked at her, and she thought she saw a flash of concern, but it was quickly replaced by anger and annoyance. "Anne, there's nothing to talk about. You didn't show up for out big performance because you hate me, and I've finally got the message."
"N-no! I-It's not like that-," Anne began, but Gilbert cut her off.
"I just can't believe you'd sacrifice your grades, and your best friend for this. I get it, Anne. I get that you don't like me at all. I get that you'd rather fail English than have to act like you're in love with me for one night. But what I don't get is…was it worth it if you're going to lose Diana in the end? Was it worth losing your 'bosom friend'? Anyway, that's really all I had to say to you, so if you'll excuse me…" He made a move to sidestep her, and move away, but she wouldn't let him get rid of her that easily.
"Y-you don't understand a-at all, G-Gilbert! I d-didn't show u-up b-because I f-fell asleep." Anne hung her head, aware of how ridiculous that sounded. She knew that it also made her sound so very flippant that she nearly wanted to burst out laughing. Then she looked up at Gilbert's face, and she knew that he didn't believe her.
He was looking at her with an expression of disbelief and disappointment. "Anne, if you don't want to tell me what happened tonight, you don't have to. But don't go inventing some story about sleeping in, because I'm not going to buy it!" He took off even faster, so that Anne had to practically run to keep up.
"I'm n-not making this u-up! It's the a-absolute t-truth! I lost so m-much sleep over the i-issue last night, a-and I j-just fell as-asleep when I g-got home, and I w-was con-contemplating whether or n-not to s-show up." Anne was looking up at him, but now she looked down, and saw that she was trembling all over. Damn it! I should have thought to bring something warmer than just my gingham dress! Or at least a hat so my teeth wouldn't chatter quite so badly!
Gilbert looked at her, and finally said, "You should get home, Anne. It's cold out here, and you're dressed very thinly."
Anne stared in disbelief. That was it! That was all he had to say to her, now? She felt her famous, redhead temper rising, and rushed in front of his path. "G-Gilbert Blythe! I e-explained what happened! W-why won't you b-believe me? Does it sound j-just so unbelievable that A-anne S-shirley could m-make one m-mistake? I s-said I was s-sorry, but you g-guys seem to have d-done alright without m-me." She felt tears come to her eyes. "I'm s-sorry I wasn't there. Y-you have no idea h-how sorry I am that I-I wasn't there, a-and I'm s-so sorry that I've l-let you all d-down, but what's d-done is done, and I c-can't change the p-past." She stood breathless, and for a moment, neither of them spoke. Then, Gilbert got angry.
"Who do you think you are, getting angry at me right now? I should be the one that's screaming at you about how you've let us all down, and how I never want to see you again. You're just so far up on that high horse of yours that it probably wouldn't even matter what I said to you at this point. You've never cared about me, Anne, and I finally figured that out! But I know that you care about Diana a lot, and what you did tonight doesn't show even an ounce of that care. So, don't talk to me about accepting your apologies, because, in my eyes, there's nothing to apologize for if you never cared about me to start with. It's Diana and Moody you should be begging forgiveness from, because they were your friends!" He turned to go, but she had started talking and now jogged alongside him.
"I know I-I should be asking D-diana's forgiveness right now. And M-moody's, but I c-came to you f-first because I thought y-you'd understand! I th-thought you'd g-get why I d-didn't show up t-tonight. Jesus, G-gilbert! Boy, w-was I wrong? B-because you d-don't understand! N-not anymore, apparently. The r-reason I didn't-c-couldn't-come t-tonight isn't b-because I don't c-care about you at a-all! It's b-because I don't know h-how to deal with h-how m-much you've c-come to mean t-to me!" Anne stopped walking and just looked after him as he took a few steps away from her.
He looked at her for a long moment, and then said in a low voice, "You should get home. It's quite cold out here, and you'll get sick." Then, he turned away and strode quickly down the path and towards his house.
Anne looked after him, tears coming to her eyes, and this time, she just let them flow. She stood in the middle of the street and watched him walk away from her without looking back, and she remembered how she had probably left him in the exact same position countless times. How had he gotten over the feeling of utter despair that was welling up inside of her right now? Maybe he knew that one day, she would come around and realize what had always been in front of her. But how did she comfort herself, knowing that he would never come around? Knowing that she had missed her chance…the biggest chance of her entire life? She turned away when she couldn't see him anymore, and slowly walked home, barely feeling the cold anymore. Because that cold on the outside was nothing compared to the ice she felt around her heart.
Gilbert walked home quickly, her words still resonating in his head. The reason I didn't-couldn't- come tonight isn't because I don't care about you at all! It's because I don't know how to deal with how much you've come to mean to me! Of course, she had said it more eloquently, with quite a few stutters thrown in for good measure to show just how cold she was.
How could she think that now, after he had finally gotten the message, he could believe her when she said she cared about him? He couldn't believe her, and that was that! He had just convinced himself that Anne Shirley would never care about him the way he had so obviously cared about her, and he couldn't go back to all the heartache he had felt every time she had rejected him so heartlessly.
So, he got home, and he prepared the hot water so he could take a warm bath, and he prepared all of his Queen's preparation booklets so he could study, and he changed out of his performance clothes. However, as he was doing all of this, he couldn't help thinking that one, disarming, almost comforting thought.
I wonder what Anne's doing right now…
Anne slowly and numbly walked through the front door, and was greeted by Matthew and Marilla running towards her, crying out words of welcome, and asking her where she'd been?
"Child, what happened? Why didn't you show up at the Hotel? And why on earth didn't you take a coat with you so you wouldn't freeze?" Marilla fussed around her, feeling her forehead, feeling her hands, putting a shawl around her shoulders.
Anne answered in a dull voice, "I'm sorry Marilla. I'm sorry Matthew. I know you must be terribly disappointed in me, but I fell asleep and I woke up too late to make it to the performance."
"Oh, pish-posh! I know you fell asleep, but I woke you up. Where did you go after I woke you up?" Marilla was bustling off to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder that she was going to make Anne a cup of tea, and that Matthew should prepare a warm bath for her.
"No, Marilla, Matthew. Please. I don't want anything right now. I just want to go up to my room and go to bed, and try to forget this nightmare of a day. And Marilla? I did fall asleep again after you left. I'm sorry." Anne slowly and stiffly took off the shawl, handed it back to Matthew, and moved away, up the stairs and to her room.
Once in her room, Anne proceeded to slowly and painfully undress, and briefly examined her hipbone, and saw the quickly blossoming bruise there. On her way home, she had walked into a mailbox when she hadn't been looking where she was going, and it had jolted her out of her reverie enough that she could feel the sharp pain all the way home. Oh well, she thought. At least I had something to distract me from this other kind of pain.
Anne stiffly put on her nightgown, shivering all the while, and slowly crawled into her bed, after saying a sad good night to the Snow Queen. Once under the covers, Anne couldn't get comfortable. First, her hipbone, which jutted out anyway, was being pressed into a particularly hard spot on the mattress, and the pain of it almost made her cry out. She shifted, and found herself on her back, staring at the ceiling, and still shivering uncontrollably.
After a half hour of just laying there, fully awake, and with thoughts racing through her mind, Anne heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. She quickly closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep when she heard her door creak open. Matthew's heavy footsteps were coming closer and closer, until they stopped and she heard him kneel down next to her bed.
He reached out a hand and stroked her hair away from her eyes. "We were so worried about you tonight, Anne-girl. When we didn't know where you were or what had happened to you, it was the worst moment of our lives. I know Marilla was acting very brusque with you, but she was worried too. And then, when we got home, and you weren't here, it was like I'd been punched in the gut." She heard Matthew give a shaky sigh, and continue in a tremulous voice. "The thing is, Anne, I don't know what we'd do if anything ever happened to you." Here, his voice lightened considerably, almost as if he had made a conscious effort to sound more upbeat. "So, don't go running off without telling us where you're going from now on, you hear?" He smoothed her hair back again, and leaned in and kissed her cheek before standing up slowly, and quietly making his way out the door.
Anne opened her eyes and felt tears coursing down her cheeks. How could she actually tell Matthew and Marilla what she'd done tonight without disappointing them unbearably, too! She closed her eyes, turned on her good side, and proceeded to cry herself to sleep.
When Anne awoke, it was like there was something on fire in her throat and lungs. She blearily opened her eyes and found that she couldn't stand the light. Her head was pounding, and she felt horrible. When she tried to move, she felt a sharp pain from her hip, and when she put her hand on her hipbone, she remembered the enormous bruise that she was sure to have today. Her tongue felt heavy, and her eyelids were drooping as she sat up and reached for her water cup. As she tried to swallow the mouthful of water, her throat screamed out in protest, and she swallowed with much difficulty. She felt unnecessarily cold, and when she put her cold, clammy hand up to her forehead, she felt like it was on fire.
She sat all the way up, and threw the covers off herself. As soon as her skin was exposed to the cold air, she shivered and painfully stood up to find her slippers and a dressing gown. When she had her furry slippers on her feet, and her dressing gown on over her nightgown, she felt a little warmer, but still felt cold and clammy. Anne made her way into the bathroom, and took a good look at herself in the mirror. She looked absolutely horrible! Her eyes were red from crying well into the night, her lips were chapped from her fever, her skin was deathly pale from her sickness, and she had a sunken look around her eyes that made her look very tired.
She groaned and tried to say, "Well, Anne. You've really done it now," and found that her vocal chords were screaming in protest, and that she could barely make a sound. Sighing dejectedly, she turned on the hot water that Matthew was sure to have heated for her this morning, and began washing herself. When she had finished, and she still felt no better, she thought she'd better head downstairs and see what Marilla had to say about this. She was sure to be mad and scold Anne for not thinking to dress better when she had gone out last night.
Anne slowly made her way down the stairs, each step jolting her hip painfully and her bruise hurting constantly. When she arrived in the kitchen, she found Matthew sitting at the table reading his newspaper, and Marilla busy making a kettle of hot tea, and some breakfast.
"Good morning," she whispered pathetically, and wanted to hit herself for her dramatic entrance.
"Oh, good morning, Anne. Did you sleep well?" Marilla asked without turning around. When she finally did turn around, she dropped the tea towel she had been holding, and hurried to Anne, crying, "Good Lord, child! What on earth happened to you?" She put her hand on Anne's forehead and declared, "You're burning up! I knew you should have taken that hot bath last night. And whatever possessed you to go out in only that thin dress last night, Anne? Oh, my, and look at her eyes…how red-rimmed they look! Matthew heat some more water so she can take a nice, scalding hot bath, and then I'll make her some chamomile tea, and perhaps some toast with jam. How does that sound Anne?" Marilla was bustling around and getting out the bread and the jam.
"Marilla, perhaps you shouldn't make her toast just yet. Just give her a tablespoon of honey to help soothe her throat, and perhaps some soup would do her more good. Toast is bound to scratch her throat up some more." Matthew called, on his way outside to get more water.
"Yes, yes, of course. How stupid of me! Of course you can't have toast! I'll make you some nice soup, Anne. Now, you just sit right here, and drink this tea before I make you some chamomile tea." She set a large cup in front of Anne, and then moved away to the storeroom to look for ingredients to put in the soup. "You'd think you'd have more sense, child, than to go wandering about outside when it's so cold."
Anne listened quietly as Marilla absentmindedly scolded her, and meekly sipped her tea. It burned all the way down. It even made her lungs burn, but she knew it would do her good, so she drank all of it while it was still burning hot. When Marilla turned around to tell her to drink some more of her tea, she was surprised to find the whole cup empty.
"Well. At least you seem to know what's good for you this morning, right Anne? Alright, I'll give you another half a cup of this kind of tea, but I'll still expect you to drink the entire kettle of the chamomile tea that I'm in the middle of making for you."
Anne nodded, and drank the rest of the tea that Marilla put in front of her. When Matthew came in ten minutes later and announced that her bathwater was ready, she slowly stood up, thanked Matthew, and said that she'd much rather bathe than eat at that moment. Marilla agreed that she should have her bath while the water was still hot, and encouraged her to take her time, but not to stay in the water once it had cooled.
Anne thanked them both, and made her way upstairs to the bathroom. She watched the hot water flow into the tub, and once it was full, she undressed and slowly sank into the water. Ah, she thought as she leaned back in the hot water. This is much better than being cold all the time. I wonder what Gilbert's doing right at this moment. He's probably out somewhere, trying to forget about me. This kind of thinking brought tears to her eyes, and she sank her head beneath the water to get rid of them.
She lay in the water for a good ten to fifteen minutes, after which she began to wash herself thoroughly. She started washing herself softly, but the more she scrubbed, the more she began to think that she could somehow cleanse herself of what she had done last night and all the disappointment and worry she had caused, so she began to scrub harder, and harder until her pale skin had turned into a glowing pink and was a little raw. Only when she scrubbed over her hipbone and dropped the washcloth in pain did she realize that it wasn't possible to cleanse her insides by washing her outside. She took a good look at the purple and black bruise on her hip and noticed that the distorted colors were spreading and that the bruise had gotten quite large. This is what I feel like on the inside, she thought sadly, and began to slowly wash her hair with the fragrant soap that Matthew had gotten her for Christmas last year.
When the water had started to cool, she got out of the water, dried herself off, and quickly dashed into her room to dress properly. She dressed in an old, wool dress that would definitely keep her warm, and then sat down at her desk, wondering what on earth she was supposed to do now. She didn't feel like going down to breakfast yet, but she also didn't want to just sit here doing nothing. Then her thoughts flashed back to Gilbert, and she knew what she had to do to make him listen to her.
Alrighty, that's the end of that chapter…this chapter was originally supposed to be the end, but I decided to add another chapter or so…it seriously won't be long now, but if I keep updating like I've been doing, it should be okay, don't you think? Perhaps I'll even get a chapter out a day for this week, and then I'll finally finish this story! Sorry to keep you waiting, but I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. It was mainly focused on Anne, and her confused feelings….alright, leave a review, and check back soon!
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