N/A: I just noticed that this fic actually has an exceedingly high hit rate. I guess a lot of people are reading it and not leaving notes? That means I must be doing something wrong…well if there's anything I can do to improve this fic just tell me. Thank You.

Never

Zoro and Sanji sat in the middle of a smoky bar. The shouts and grunts of rowdy pirates filled the crowded grimy place, but in reality Sanji and Zoro were too wasted to notice or care. They sat across from each other around a wooden table. On the table was a large pitcher, two mugs, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Zoro slowly gulped down another mug of beer; he was to drunk to remember how many he had that night. Sanji lit another cigarette and placed it between his lips.

"Hey swordsman, look over there." Sanji nodded towards a dark corner of the dirty bar as he took a long huff of his cigarette.

Zoro slowly turned his head and lazily gazed at the dark corner. There at the corner table was a man and woman making out madly. The woman was sitting on the man's lap and the man's hands were on the woman's waist as they passionately kissed.

Zoro shrugged and turned back to face his blond companion. "They need a room." The green-haired swordsman grunted as he poured himself another beer.

The blond cook didn't take his eyes of the pair in the corner. "Yeah, I mean the indecency of two people publicly displaying such affection."

"Yeah all that groping and spit-swapping is pretty disgusting." Zoro was starting to slur his words. He was getting drunker and drunker by the mug.

Sanji finally tore his stare away from the display and looked into Zoro's diluted eyes. "It's not the kissing really that's repulsive, you know. It's the fact that they are willing to demonstrate such fondness in a public place." He finished his cigarette and poured himself a mug of beer.

"Yeah I mean if two people really want to make out like that they should do it a private place…like the bathroom…or a closet." The beers were starting to kick in because it seemed like Zoro didn't know what he was saying.

Sanji finished his beer and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Yeah, I mean it's just so revolting." The cook refilled his glass.

Zoro nodded in intoxicated agreement. "It's nauseating…"

"…and immoral." Sanji exclaimed as he swallowed a large gulp of beer. Slowly the blond cook was becoming as intoxicated as the swordsman.

"…Indecent!" Zoro shouted in a slur.

"…offensive!" Sanji yelled as he slammed his empty beer mug into the table.

The two sat in silence as they tried to racked their brains for more words to shout but it seemed like the many beers were already clouding their minds. After some silence Zoro spoke. "I would never be caught making out with someone in some dark corner…" Zoro announced unsteadily as he poured himself yet another mug of beer.

Ten Minutes and more beers later…

Nami walked into the grimy bar exceedingly angry. Sanji and Zoro said that they would just have a drink and be back soon. It was already past midnight and the pair hadn't returned. The fuming tangerine haired navigator checked every bar and tavern on the island for the cook and the swordsman. Finally she arrived at the last bar and kicked the wooden door open, her hands were made into fists and her arms flailing at her side madly as she panted. Nami entered and her eyes widened at what she saw. There at the corner table were two people making out madly. Sanji was sitting on the Zoro's lap and the Zoro's hands were on Sanji's waist as they passionately kissed.