My story begins a long time before I ever came to Middle-Earth; I, as you must already know, am a Maia and I dwelt in the Blessed Realms as a servant to mighty Yavanna, the mother of all living things. I so wish I could look upon her again, because in her face were all things I found beautiful – but my chance of that has gone. We shall speak of that later, however.

For now all I will tell you is that I was known by the name of Aiwendal – the 'bird tamer' – and living in the immortal worlds of the Valar was not something to be sniffed at. There was peace there like no other place in the whole of Arda and if I had the chance I would go back to that green country again…

I'm straying from my story again, aren't I? I do that when I reminisce, you know?

Anyway, the peace of Valinor was complete – or so most of us thought, but the Aratar were troubled about the happenings in Middle-Earth. Their son Sauron had been causing all kinds of problems (as you well know) and the land and its people were giving over to despair. They felt they needed to do something but before they could begin to take action Men and what elves were left did it for them and they overthrew Sauron and he was thought to be destroyed, wasn't he? The Valar were not so blind, but they were curious and they did not send the three Maiar over the waters to Middle-Earth for a time (the three being Curumo, Morinehtar and Olorin – notice that I was not one of them yet).

And then the Valar found out that Sauron had not been defeated – they probably knew all along actually, and they decided to go ahead with their plans, to send the 'Istari' over the sea to aid the peoples of Middle-Earth to stand against the evil of Sauron. But there were some arguments among the Aratar. They tend to get awfully jealous of one another at times and my lady, Yavanna didn't think it right that she should be ignored in these plans. Truly, Orome the hunter had an Istar, Aule had Sauron who was bad and Curumo who was haughty and arrogant and Manwe and Varda had Olorin, the wisest of all Maiar. This delayed things a bit.

For all their power and might the Valar are just a bunch of children. I just hope they never get their hands on this.

In the end I was commanded to go, which was a surprise to me, because I was never as wise as Olorin, or as brave as Morinehtar or as cunning and skilful as mighty Curumo. But Yavanna insisted so I said farewell to my precious birds and beasts, locked my front gate and I made my way to the mighty sea ports of the Teleri.

When I got there I was surprised to see not three other Maiar, but four: Olorin, Curumo, Morinehtar and a being called Rómestámo, who was not known to me, but was a friend of Morinehtar and was to accompany him.

Because of some plan by the Valar we were to be spilt up and sent to Middle-Earth with different forms and different names. I was to go fourth, after Curumo – who was now called Saruman, Morinehtar – now Aratar, Rómestámo – Pallando ever after. The new Gandalf was to come last after me, the newly appointed Radagast – a name which I adored from the moment I heard it and I have not once been called anything different from that moment on.

As we stood on the harbour Gandalf came up to me and winked. He was always an enigma that fellow and he was, undoubtedly, the most powerful of the five of us – even though Saruman had already been appointed the head of the Istari order. I liked him from the moment he winked at me to the moment he left the shores of Middle-Earth some centuries later.

I did not like Saruman. He always regarded me with a superior air that got on my nerves. We were allies in this and he treated me like an enemy. His colour was to be white it had been decided and he made fun of the fact that I was brown and from that moment on he always had some degrading name for me. Pallando was little different; he was sly and aggressive at times and I was never sure what his purpose was. He seemed uncaring to the plight of Middle-Earth and he and Saruman seemed to hit it off straight away. Even Aratar noticed this and seemed to be displeased. But with Aratar you could never be sure. Until the very day he betrayed us all I was convinced Aratar was a true friend.

Gandalf was – well he was Gandalf and that is all that can be said.

I still have a grudge against you, old friend. It's your fault these mortals are in my hands. You could have faltered just once, you know? And then I wouldn't be stuck here alone.

The first boat took Saruman, Aratar and Pallando and Gandalf and I stood on the docks and watched the boat disappear across the seas. The Valar were not present which always struck me as odd – especially as they appeared when the first ship had sailed out of sight. Perhaps they were late? I doubt it.

Manwe talked at some length to Gandalf and it seemed to me that Gandalf always seemed weighed down by something after that talk – though I didn't find out why for a long, long time. I was, at that time, being lectured by Yavanna, who had – bless her – bought me another cloak to take and a pair of fine boots (she was always the mothering kind) and she told me to be careful: "There are many dangers, dear one," she said to me. "Thine part in this voyage will remain hidden from thee until the very end – but do not despair, for thou may think thou have faltered in thine journey, but thou will have only done what is necessity."

I did not understand what she meant by that – and I still don't. Maybe I will never find out.

I was then put in a boat and I waited for Gandalf but he waved at me from the pier and said: "You're going alone, Radagast, my friend. I will meet you on the other side in time, old man." And he laughed and cast me off. No one had ever called me old before and I was slightly offended but as I looked over the side of my boat and into the water I saw that my reflection was not how I remembered it. I was old. And I had a beard of dark grey and my body felt achy and sore. I turned back to the harbour to exclaim my annoyance – for this radical aging had not been explained to me – but it was already out of sight.

"Old man, indeed!" I muttered to myself. "He'll pay for that."

And so Radagast the Brown was under way, his voyage started and the horrors that I would find in Middle-Earth were unknown to me at that time, if they weren't I would have probably turned back and rowed all the way home. But for that time, I just enjoyed the sea and the sky and the sun, which I remember was warm and bright and for just a little while, perfection endured.