This is it, brace yourselves, it's – THE END! Yup, I'm not joking here. It's been a fun ride, you've all been great, but all good things must come to an end right?

Jack: Vengeance? For what?

Basil the Bad: For, er – ah – (waves pistol while talking) - um – making us wait so long here on this stupid beach. It was cold and I have sand all over my clothes now. Not to mention all the cuts on my feet from the shells. Yeah, that's a good enough reason to end this story with an exciting swordfight.

Jack: (looks around) Um, us?

Just then, a score of pirates before unforseen appeared before him in a loud POOF! accompanied with much pink smoke.

PickyReader: I thought we had moved away from the musical thang.

With Basil there was now Larry, Bob, Pete, Gavin, Brett, Alex, Gimli, Justin –

ObservantReader: Excuse me, but what was that last one?

Author: Justin and Arago–

ObservantReader: No, Gimli?

Author: Yes?

ObservantReader: (throws up hands in frustration) Oh, I'm too tired to think of something witty to say.

WittyReader: What? Don't look at me this time. I got nuthin'. I'm too busy staring at my David Anders poster, so if you'll excuse me …

These were all pirates who had mysteriously begun to withdraw from the rest of the Black Pearl's crew and therefore were left out for the rest of the story.

AlertReader: PLOTHOLE! (points menacingly) PLOTHOLE! PLOTHOLE!

Basil the Bad: Everyone who is on Sparrow's side will never see any of this treasure again!

(Pirates, they be baffled indeed)

Basil the Bad: It means I'm gonna kill ya!

AllOtherPirates: Argh!

Wesley: Please don't hurt us kind pirate sir!

Basil the Bad: Shut it ya cross dressing monkey!

Wesley: (eyes glint angrily) You're making me very angry. (takes out shovel) And I'm not very nice when I'm angry.

Basil the Bad: Ooh, whatcha gonna do? Snap yer garters at me?

His mocking laugh was cut off with a loud TWANG! – the sound of Wesley's shovel making contact with sufficient force with the side of his head. The evil pirates quailed and dropped to their knees to sue for pardon from their captain.

SarcasticReader: Geez, that was easy.

ConcernedReader: Never say "geez" again. It's only used by country bumpkins and for people who have never had any social contact. Sometimes even both. I thought we talked about this?

Jack ignored them but walked towards Basil the Bad on the ground. He crouched down to him to tie him up but sprang back and drew his sword immediately when Basil's eyes opened.

Basil the Bad: (springs up from floor and takes out his own weapon. An umbrella) Didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily did you?

Jack: Honestly, I actually did.

What ensued next was a bloody battle. Basil the Bad's band of bumbling pirates fought with Jack's loyal crew. Jack fought Basil with his usual flourishes, his stance unsteady – a mere façade he put on that made his opponents underestimate him. Ethel took on at least three surrounding her, swinging her - I dunno - spatulas around her with graceful ease. She managed to gouge out one man's eye before thwapping another in the ear. Wesley's shovel shone with blood as it swung from side to side, slicing skin and bone by its sharpened edge. Norrington's –

NorringtonFans: Good Lord, he's still in the story?

Author: Yeah, sorry about that, I feel so guilty about that. I think for my rewrite of this, I'll add more of his and Will's antics in this.

NorringtonFans: You never explained how he ended up aboard the Black Pearl, and more so, with Will.

Author: (whispers) Prequel, prequel. (whispers)

- stiff composure did not give way during his battles. He swung his – er - broomstick handle, with calculated precision trained from years in the military. It didn't look much more than practise drills. Will showed off with many a spectacular move, parrying with his opponent before unarming them with some fancy trick. All in all, Will fought like a gay man.

OutragedReader: What did that accomplish just before? Why did I want to know each of their fighting styles?

Author: (shrugs) I thought it was cute.

OutragedReader: You. Must. Die. Now. (falls down from tranq dart) Argh.

Okay, you know the drill. They fight. All the evil pirates are killed except for Basil. Seeing his fortune, Basil grabs Ethel in the midst of everything and pushes a knife to her throat. He then performs the Generic Creepy Evil Guy Face Lick. Ethel shudders. Wesley looks on, scared.

Basil da Bad: Time to make a hard choice Sparrow. I take the treasure freely, the girl lives. You try to stop me, the girl dies. Your choice.

AwareReader: Ah, doesn't he get the treasure either way?

TiredReader: I'm really not too sure anymore. I zoned out of this story 12 chapters ago.

WittyReader: He also goes by the alias, Stuart the Stupid. Stooopid.

Ethel was terrified at this point and tried to read the expression in Jack's face. He was breathing heavily from the fight but she could see that his mind was working quickly behind his eyes. "This is it. If he will choose me or the treausre. His love for me is dependent on this very moment".

ObservantReader: I don't think that this is even possible but she's even more melodramatic that you!

MelodramaticReader: (Sideshow Mel voice) No one is more melodramatic than me! No one!

Jack: (smiles) Then I have no choice. Kill the girl, she's nothing to me. There is nothing in this world that'll make me give up all of this. Especially not some strumpet like you. We had some fun didn't we? Sorry it had to end like this love.

Ethel couldn't believe it. That thieving, despicable, disgusting, heartless, lying … pirate! She couldn't even think straight because of her fury at the man that was grinning in front of her. His eyes however, told a different story. There was genuine concern there and they were focused at something behind her.

THWIP!

Will had crept up behind Basil da Bad and chopped his head off. Basil fell and Ethel leapt away from his now lax grip.

WillFans: Yay! Heroic!Will!

JackFans: WHAT THE?

PickyReader: Not really heroic at all. He snuck up on him and killed him without any warning!

WiseReader: What do you expect? They're pirates!

PickyReader: Good point.

All the pirates cheered. Luckily, none of Jack's trusty crew had lost their lives although some sported injuries. Gibbs had a deep gash down his leg and Anamaria held a blood soaked piece of material to her arm. Ethel looked down at Basil, then up to Jack, and swooned.

THE END! – seriously, except for the epilogue

Gibble? – To my one-eyed one-horned flying pink MarySue eater! Thanks for reading and being part of this crazy ride! Okay, since this fic is ending, you can take the role of SarcasticReader and have Norrington. Although you might have to fight Will for him!
Music nerd – I'm pretty sure Johnny Depp has been stalked by EVERYTHING. Poor dude. 22 pages? Yikes! Don't think I could ever write that much! Did you notice that Ethel asked "what was to become of us?" in the previous chapter? Haha. Ah, there's nothing wrong with Maths! (crickets chirp) Who WOULDN'T want to learn about the fundamental theorem of integral calculus? See you at the puffy-walled loony bin!
DPhantomtomboy – Thanks for reviewing once again! Yeah, Britney Spears, you can never lose with her. Ha!
Moongrave.Wings – Heeey new reviewer! There isn't fourth-wall breakage when Wesley mentions Mary Sues because … it's a parody. With a talking monkey! Can't beat a talking monkey! (Although an undead monkey might). Hmm, good point that Ethel can understand Wesley spelling out 'love interest' yet can't read, and yes, you're right it is another plot hole! Whee, plot holes are fun! Yum! Cookie!
Ace's Buddy – I sure hope that you got a good deal off ebay with that Mary Sue Guide Book, because you CAN get ripped off! And yes, you're studying served you well. Good stuff. Sequins are kewl! (Note: I am using the variation 'kewl' ironically. I DO NOT go around writing 'kewl'. Ever. Except in this case)
Boandpop – Singing is fun! Yes, Jack - a man of mixed desires. Treasure or a strumpet? Decisions, decisions! I have to admit, that little poem was me at my cheesy best, so if it's obvious and lame, GO ME!