Trapped by myself

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7 or the characters!

Ever had that feeling that your trapped in a room with two exits, the hard way that leads to the truth, and the quick and easy way which blinds you from the real world?

I'm always trapped in their, I 'm always looking at both of these doors, either take a chance and face reality, or just run away from it and hide. I always thought that creating this little roo,m life would be simple, I can do what I want, think what I want, and be what I want. I guess I was wrong.

All this time of being a friend, a member of the team I still have the tendency to fail and open up, yet they all see through my hardcore shell, they all see the depression I am going through, they all know how I feel, and they all can see through this mask I wear almost every day of my life. Except for him of course, except for the one I always thought as more than just a brother, I saw as the one I would spend my life till death do us part. Sounds bad, well no matter what you think this is only the beginning of sinking deep underground, falling into a hole I dug with one way in and no way out unless that person pulls me out, the hole that only one person can pull me out of and mend it. Every night I pretend to be happy until I go to bed where I weep in self pity that flow through the tears I shed.

Before he met her everything was going perfectly well. Don't get me wrong I don't blame her it's not her fault that she was born with beauty that I can never match, it's not her fault that he fell deeply in love with her, and it's not her fault that he's been carrying the burden of her death weighing heavily on him shoulders, but maybe that's what's eating me inside, maybe that's what burns holes in my heart, the fact that he blames himself for her death. I love the fact that he's there for me, there to be great friend, to comfort me when I'm sad, or snap me back to reality when I doze off. No way, what am I saying, once again I'm trying to excuse him for taking all the love I had for him, I may not have given it to him head on, but I did, but he took it a through it my face, slapping me using my own hands. Maybe I wasn't meant to live, maybe after the defeat of Sephiroth I am to die right away, maybe if I stop fighting it I can rest somewhere where I can be alone, where I don't have to feel, don't have to live up to expectations, and not to love.

The only thing that's keeping me here in this world are two innocent children, two souls that don't understand this world, two children who have seen enough in their young lives, and my death would only make matters worse. I can't do that, I should consider them before myself. At least now Denzel is cured from Giostigma, at least now his life isn't endangered by a disease because she was watching us. Thank you Aerith, thank you for giving me a reason to live, but please don't allow him to drown in his own pool of guilt, not just because of your death, but because of Zack's, and because of me being injured. Please clear his vision from all the blood of lost one's he's seen, let him live a life of truth, of happiness, and of love. Love… something I need to live, the only thing I want in my life, its like the fuel of a car, it's what keeps me running. Right now I have the love of two kid's and the love of my friends, but I want his love, I want the love of a man who appreciates me, the love of a man who holds me and tells me everything is going to be alright, the love that means I want to spend the rest of my life with you, the love of Cloud Strife…

"Tifa… Tifa hello anyone there?" a young girl with brown braided hair she resembled Aerith in her own way, except for the eyes.

"Oh sorry Marlene, I dosed off again." Said Tifa standing up from the chair where she was deep in thought and smiled

"So what is it?" she asked the girl who seemed to be jumping up and down.

"Tifa do you have money, me and Denzel want to buy Ice Cream and candy from the store." She said smiling brightly.

"Yeah sure." said Tifa pulling out some pocket money and handing it to her. She usually doesn't agree to sweets, but the kids havn't had some for a long time.

"Hey Tifa, is Cloud on a delivery again?" she asked Tifa innocently.

"Yes he is." This wasn't completely a lie, only Cloud always makes a stop at the church, even after the second battle against Sephiroth.

"Ok bye." said Marlene running outside and leaving the door unlocked as the bar was now open. Tifa flipped the sign and after a few minutes people poured into the bar. She was busy and was able to think about other stuff than Cloud. Marlene and Denzel came back for dinner and Tifa closed the door, Cloud was late and she was getting impatient.

"Off to bed you two I'm going out I will be back right away." She said smiling. The kids nodded and went to bed. Tifa took the keys of Cloud's old Fenrir which he gave her after getting his brand new one. The same compartments were changed so it was like a drawer with all her gloves. He had taught her how to drive it and she was very good at it. She ran to her new bike and drove when she was close to the church she turned off the engine and kept the bike far away where he wouldn't hear her. Parked in front of the church was his bike. Tifa crept into the church she was shocked because of ht she saw, Aerith was sitting on the ground and Clouds head was lying on her lap, she was stroking his head and she felt a hand on her shoulder. Tifa spun around and saw Zack looking at her.

"I guess we are both jealous." He said frowning.

"Zack… you jealous, you could get any girl you wanted." She said raising a brow and turning back to the two who seemed to be talking.

"Yeah well during the time I was dating Aerith and I met you, I kind of had a sort of crush on you." he said smiling. That's when Tifa grinned and turned to Cloud tears began puring down her face and hit the ground. Zack held Tifa by the arm and pulled her in the church. "Ok you two times up, Aerith we have to go." He said the couple turned around in shock and it got worse when they saw Tifa. "T…Tifa?" he asked her.

"Yeah Cloud your childhood friend who you ignored for the past oh I don't know, past years." She shrieked and pulled Zack from her grip. "I would love to kill you Aerith, but hey your already gone, I guess Sephiroth has done me a big favor, but in the end it back fired." She spun around and ran to her bike Zack and Aerith had gone and Cloud was shocked at what Tifa said.

"Tifa get back here." He shouted and got on his bike realizing that Tifa was already on hers. She drove away at top speed with Cloud following. "Why did I say that?" she thought to herself. Tifa wasn't going back to the bar, instead she was going to the cliff where Zack's sword stood watching over them. Tifa stopped the bike and sat on it her head buried on her arms which were resting

on the bikes handles. She had tears falling down her eyes quickly when she heard the sound of another bike beside hers. Cloud wasn't going to say anything, he was going to give her the silent treatment until she spoke up.

"You've got a lot of nerve coming here." She said he looked at her.

"You had a lot of nerve to say that to her." He whispered getting off his bike placing a hand on the handle of the buster sword.

"Cloud stop it, stop doing this over and over again, isn't their anything else on your mind other than her?" she spat out

"Hey don't speak in that tone about Aerith." He said raising his voice.

"Yeah well maybe you should join her too." She snapped at him. Cloud couldn't take it anymore he slapped Tifa across the face and regretted it right away. Blood was trickling down the side of her mouth.

"You jerk, how could you, can't you see that I…" she was cut short by Cloud giving her a hug, but she pushed him away.

"Stay away from me you have mental problems, you've gone crazy Cloud." and got off his bike giving him the keys.

"Take it and this too." She pulled off the ring he gave her, the ring that meant that he would always protect her, the promise ring.

"And take this as well give it to someone who you care about, like Aerith, oh wait I forgot she's dead, it will go right through her. Tifa looked down the cliff and jumped off it landing on the ground running at full speed. Cloud knew that he would eventually face her, as they lived in the same place, and he promised the kids he would never run away.

Tifa ran until she made it to the bar crying, Denzel and Marlene were waiting downstairs for her seeing she was bleeding. "Tifa what happened?" Marlene asked her, and saw the slap mark. "Who did this to you?" she asked again. "Cause then we'll tell Cloud and he'll slice him them for you." Said Denzel, and was shocked when Tifa broke down crying again.

"He did this to you didn't he." They said looking at her. "Why would he do this?" Denzel asked Marlene.

"I don't know, but he's got a lot of explaining to do." She whispered and sat down on the couch beside Tifa comforting her. After a while Tifa lied back and fell asleep on the couch. Marlene and Denzel also fell asleep beside their mother. Cloud came into the house early the next morning, it was 2oclock and he didn't want to talk to anyone, putting the key on the table he looked up and froze when he saw the family sitting there sleeping he tried to creep upstairs, but was caught off guard by the sound of Marlene and Denzel waking up instead of jumping and hugging him the just sat there and pointed to the chair indicating that he sit. He obeyed and they turned on the lights which triggered Tifa to wake up. Blood was still trickling down the side of her mouth overlapping the dry blood. He knew that he must have hit her pretty hard to still be bleeding. She left to the kitchen and washed her mouth while keeping cloth inside her mouth so the blood would stain her clothes. There was a silence that passed through the bar no one making eye contact except for Denzel and Marlene who gave each other nervous glances until Denzel cleared his throat. "Cloud why did you hit Tifa?" they asked him. Cloud looked at Tifa who gave him a look that meant she never told them, so he assumed they figured it out on their own.

"Sorry." He muttered but then Tifa shook her head.

"Don't be I was insensitive, you love her and I can never change that." She said looking away, the hurt in her eyes shining through. "Denzel Marlene go back to bed, now." she said. The left immediately when a tear slipped from Tifa's eye. Before it could touch her chin Cloud brushed it with his thumb. Tifa looked at him and pushed his hand away. Cloud looked away as Tifa looked at him she pulled out the cloth from her mouth and sighed.

"Do you love her?" she asked him. He nodded and she buried her head in her hands.

"Do you love me?" she asked this time. Cloud looked up and met her gaze, he wanted to say yes, but not yet, he didn't want to endanger her life, he didn't want to bring pain to her, but if he say's no then he will .

"Yes I do." He said taking her hand in his.

"Liar." she said pulling away from him tears poured down her face like waterfalls

"You're lying, you can't love two women at the same time, just say it, you love Aerith, you wish that it was me who died instead of her, and you wish I was pierced by Sephiroth's sword." She stood up shaking from head to foot.

"Guess what I'll make it happen." She took the Fenrir key from the table beside the door and ran out the house she got on her bike and drove away Cloud didn't follow her, he knew that she would come to her senses or so he thought. He wanted to go get her because he still wanted to know what Zack told her, but he thought it would be better if she solved it on her own. After a few minutes he gave in and got his own keys knowing where Tifa went.

(oh yeah I finished this one yesterday at night because I had to get it out of my head, I hope you like it)