My first ff, so please r&r!

Charas don't belong to me... wish they did!

A cold night

It was one of those particular nights, during which the sky was cloudless and it almostr seemed like you could just reach out and touch the stars. The moon was reflected by the iced lake that was, since temperatures had been around –5 degrees for the past few weeks, covered with a thick layer of ice, that already bore the marks of people croosing it on ice skates.

There was a cold and strong wind from north, north-east that made the last remaining leaves, aready coated with some ice cristals, dance all over the lake.

They were the only moving part of the whole scenery, because the woman sitting on the border didn't move at all.

She just looked out onto the lake with empty eyes. Her hands were tightly clinged into each other and she had pulled her knees up to her chest, so that her chin was now resting on them.

She seemed to be lost in thoughts, her mind drifting far away from that cold winters night. Indeed she didn't notice neither the cold nor the beauty of the whole scenery. Instead the only thing she could think about was what she had lost.

Three month had already passed and she still hadn't gotten used to all of this. To her it seemed that this lonely, cold nights reflected exactly how she felt. Only during this time she could really be herself. Only during this time she could think back to her old life without having to be afraid of anybody noticing her desperation and silent tears.

Only thinking of talking to someone made her sad. She hated the fact that she couldn't even answer a question as simple as the one after her name without hesitation. The programm had not only given her a new identity, it had also changed her into a different person. The strong and confident woman was way gone. All that remained was a shy and withdrawn person that didn't recongnize herself in the mirror. No, she wasn't the same any more. Lying, pretending had made her lonely and this made it even more difficult to deal with this great journey her life had changed into. She didn't trust herself enough for a friendship. She was too scared of what could happen, of what she could reveal in a vulnerable moment. And yet, a friendship would only remind her of her old friends, her old life.

The memory of this life and the hope to get it back one beautiful, blessed day was all that kept her going, kept her alive. Still every single thought of it caused her insides to burn, leaving her eyes brimming with unshed tears. It was just to hard to bear.

She felt like drawning and her old life was the piece of wood she was clinging to. With a deep sigh she stood up wearily and shook her head. She finally had to get used to this. Alex Cabot was dead. There was no way to get her back. The sooner she accepted this, the sooner that constant feeling of hollowness would be gone. Or at least this was what she kept telling herself. What she had to believe.

Almost violently she wiped away a tear from her cheek, turning around and leaving the iced lake behind.

The End