A Pirates Life for Me
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer:"I'm gonna kill this kid if he doesn't leave... Now if you leave, I'll know you were eavesdropping and kill you anyway"
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Act 5 – Stowaway
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As he walks down to his quarters, Roberto is muttering about Piotr's righteousness. He pauses as he opens the door, however, seeing Dani walking around his cabin.
"Look at all this", she muses, "I can't believe it"
Roberto hides behind the door, a WTF expression on his face. Dani, meanwhile, walks over to a sword stand made of bones.
"Oh, this can't be real", she says, "It'd be far too delic…"
As she touches it, a pieces falls off.
"You break it, you bought it", says Lance.
Roberto's eyes widen a little as Dani walks away from it.
"This is more like it", she says, "Stolen from Venezia"
Roberto takes a deep breath, walking in quietly as Dani continues to rummage through his stuff.
"That's so rude", says Lance, "you're worse than Tabby"
"From Pompeii", continues Dani, then holds up a very kinky bra, "And from a brothel in Bayville…"
"There's a brothel in Bayville?", blinks Lance, "where!"
"Good guess", says Roberto, coming up behind her.
Dani squeaks, turning around.
"What do you think you're doing down here?", scowls Roberto.
"Messing with your stuff, what does it look like?", asks Lance.
"I'm here to make sure you get the book of peace", replies Dani, "Or bring back your dead body if you fail".
"…Or that", adds Lance
"Really?", asks Roberto, humouring her, "And how are you going to pull that off?"
By whatever means necessary", says Dani.
"….This is starting to sound like a porn flick", mutters Lance.
"Did you bring a crew?", asks Roberto.
"No", admits Dani.
"You know how to get to Tartarus?".
"Ummm", Dani sighs, "No"
"Can you navigate on your own?", tries Roberto.
"Yes!", says Dani proudly.
"Well, good!", smiles Roberto, "Then I'll dump your butt in a rowboat, and you can paddle all the way back to Bayville. 'Cause we're going to Fiji"
"Where you'll get a sheep and a goat and raise horses", smiles Lance (1)
"Fiji?", asks Dani as Roberto settles on his hammock, pulling his hat over his eyes.
"Yup", smiles Roberto.
"Just as I thought", smirks Dani.
"What?", asks Roberto, raising his hat.
"Roberto, you're not a very complicated guy", says Dani, "All someone has to do is imagine the most gutless course of action, and you're bound to take it".
"Ouch", says Lance.
"Hay, this is not my problem", scowls Roberto, "I did not steal the book"
"You're really not going to lose any sleep over this, are you?", asks Dani.
"Not a wink", replied Roberto.
"Because me", sighs Dani, "I'd be tossing and turning, knowing I'm alive because I let my friend die"
Roberto groans, getting up off his hammock.
"I'm not responsible for this mess!", he snaps, "And I didn't ask Sam to put his neck on the line for me".
"Look, clearly I can't appeal to your honour", says Dani, then smirks, "but I have other ways of convincing you"
Roberto blinks. The kind of 'am I going to get lucky?' blink.
"Really?", he clears his throat, "Uhhh…just how do you expect to do that?"
"By speaking your language", smirks Dani, inching closer.
"Portuguese?", asks Lance.
Dani rolls her eyes at Lance, then pulls out a diamond from nowhere. Roberto blinks at it, before taking it.
"Keep talking"
Dani promptly opens out a bag of jewels into his hand. Roberto considers, weighing then in his hand.
"Yup, this'll do", he smiles, "But not for first class"
We cut to the deck, where Roberto comes out of his quarters, Dani slung over his shoulder, the Cheyenne beating the crap out of his back as he does so.
"As you can see, we're well equipped to accommodate the most discerning of royal tastes", he says, "We have excellent ocean views, luxurious living quarters.."
He dumps her into the food store.
"With three gourmet meals a day!", he grins, "pickles, eggs and pickles!"
Rahne barks as she walks in.
"Oh, hey, Rahne, there you are", grins Roberto, then looks at Dani, "I'd like to introduce you to your new bunkmate, well, actually, you're her new bunkmate, as it's actually her bunk"
Rahne trots over, giving Dani a lick.
"We do hope you have a pleasant stay aboard the Chimera", grins Roberto, "Oh, and fi she starts hugging your leg, it means she likes you"
"…Why would I want tae..", Rahne shakes her head, "you know what, I'm gunnae let the Dani-Rahne fans have their moment"
"If you think", growls Dani, getting up, but having the door slammed and locked in front of her.
"How did she even get on the ship?", muses Roberto as he looks at his diamond.
His question is answered when he sees the rest of the crew holding jewels of their own. Seeing they'd been noticed, they all attempt to hide their loot. Remy sticks his in his mouth, while Magneto gives an exaggerated yawn to hide it behind his back. Roberto sighs.
"Gentlemen, we have a new course", he says, "We're going to Tartaus"
The crew don't take this too well.
"Huh?", asks Remy, spitting out his jewel, "What happened to Fiji!"
"What, no fun?", asks Evan.
"No beaches?", whimpers Remy
Roberto scowls, walking off, only to be hit by a wreath of flowers from above.
"Toad!"
"Sorry, Captain", calls Todd form the crows nest, where he is wearing a similar wrath, then slides down a rope to dangle by Roberto's head, "But did you say Tartarus?"
"That's right", says Roberto.
"Will that be the same Tartaus form which no sailor ever returns?", squeaks Todd, "The Tartarus of lost souls, where they grind your bones and pickle your spleen and…."
"No, Toad", smiles Roberto dryly, "This is the nice Tartarus, with lots of beaches and drinks. You know, with little umbrellas?"
Todd smiles happily, muttering to himself in Italian. Roberto shakes his head, walking over to where Piotr is leaning on the helm.
"….Why did I not get a jewel?", he frowns.
"Because you're the nice guy with morals", says Lance, "congratulations"
"I'm only doing this for the money", says Roberto pointedly.
"Riiiiight", says Piotr, "So, how do we get there?"
"That star's our point", says Roberto, pointing at it.
Piotr moves the helm in the right direction, heading for the star. Meanwhile, Wanda is watching this from what appears to be a champagne glass.
"Our little thief isn't going to run away", she sighs, as he beasties move around her, "He thinks he's going to pay us a visit"
"Hmmm", she smirks, "Let's provide some mood music"
She stirs her finger in the glass, soft singing being heard.
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(1) – A line form Red Dwarf about Fiji. Blame Astreia for reminding me of it ;)
Uh oh. Next up, they're only girls, but they can rule the world. Yup. Sirens. Do review. Until next time…