Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Power Rangers, this is all just for fun.
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far.
A/N: This is the last of the seperatefeelings of each ranger. Here'sare Z's feelings
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Chapter 4 – Guilt
Images were flicking through her mind as she started to wake. Syd stepping in front of her, then Syd falling and finally Sky catching Syd. Her eyes snapped open and Z found herself staring into Jack's worried face. "Jack, what are you doing here?" Z was feeling confused. Why was he sat beside her bed looking so worried? "Oh God, Syd!" she cried as the memories crashed into her muddled mind, clearing it instantly.
She started to cry and felt Jack take her in his arms, rubbing her back, speaking some words that she couldn't really hear.
"It should have been me," she cried into Jack's chest. "It should have been me, not Syd."
"Don't do this Z," murmured Jack sadly. She pulled away from him and shouted, "IT SHOULD BE ME THAT'S DEAD JACK, NOT SYD," fresh tears ran down her face, "Why?" she wailed, "Why did she do it Jack?"
"I don't know why Z," he said quietly, "you know what she was like, if she could take a hit for any of us to spare us pain, she would."
Z laid back down and Jack tried to take her hand again but she snatched it away, "Please Jack, I want to be by myself for a while." Z said in a flat voice.
"I don't think you should be alone at the moment Z," he patiently said. "JUST GO, LEAVE ME ALONE," she yelled and then turned her head away from him, her face still wet with tears that refused to stop falling.
Jack didn't say any more. He stood, paused for a moment and then leant forward and gently kissed her forehead before leaving her alone as she wished.
Once Z heard the door close behind him she let out the breath she had been holding. She let herself remember what had happened, welcomed the pain that the memories gave her. Z wanted to hurt, willingly she gave herself up to the memories as she saw once more the monster pointing his weapon at her. It was as if she was an onlooker watching all that had happened earlier, she could see herself right in front of her eyes and the rest of the team either side of her. Z watched as the weapon was fired, saw Syd step in front of her and flinched as the blast hit her friend.
Relentlessly she let the memory continue, wanting to punish herself because she was still alive and Syd was not. Sky ran into her line of sight. Where did he appear from? Z wondered as she watched him catch Syd and sink to the ground with her in his arms.
Sky was talking to Syd but she couldn't hear him. Z saw herself start to sob quietly as she saw him do something to Syd's face with his fingers. Then she heard screaming and realised it was coming from her as she and the Z in her memory merged into one, watching Sky rock back and forth, his face buried in Syd's golden hair.
Z came out of the memory feeling dead inside. She could not remember anything after that until she woke up and saw Jack by her side.
"It's my fault," she whispered to herself in horror, "my fault that Syd's gone, I as good as killed her," and she buried her face in her pillow, guilt for the death of her friend consuming her.
tbc