The Ghost of Penguin Past

It was night. Mrs McMuggins had finished her tea and was just going outside to hang her washing up to dry (for, it is a well known fact amongst McMugginses that washing dries better at night.) She dragged her washing basket, complete with washing over to the washing line and started to hand up a particularly inconveniently large pillow case. Muttering to herself about the inconvenience of such large pillow cases, she glanced up at the sky. Suddenly the muttering stopped. She stood and stared at sky for a moment. Then she shook her head, finished hanging up her washing and went inside. That night, she casually mentioned to her husband that while she had been hanging up the washing she thought she had seen three teenagers, and a giant flying, apparently on somethings' backs, that she couldn't tell what, through the sky. He thought she had finally cracked and the next day sent her to the local mental hospital.

But Mrs McMuggins had

DUN DUN DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

been right. There had been three teenagers and a giant flying through the sky that night.

-Scene switches to three students and an alarmingly large chap riding on anomalous airborne horse things.-

The night had turned to day before their very eyes.

"Gosh," said Ron, then running with tradition he added, "The night has turned to day before our very eyes."

"Indeed," said Hermione, then also running with tradition added "Bravo Curriculum!"

Harry, having no tradition to run with felt very left out. Aww. And simply rolled his visual viewers and let out a small cloud of carbon dioxide. Ron gripped his thestral more tightly and moaned –

"This is soooooooo scaryyyyy!"

"Yes." Agreed Hermione, "But not as scary as a huge ghost of penguin past would be if it suddenly flew out of the sky and sat on that cloud over there."

Promptly, a huge ghost of penguin past suddenly flew out of the sky and sat on that cloud over there.

"Hail, lesser mortals." It greeted the gob smacked youngsters and the oral cavity smacked giant, "Do not endeavour to patronise me, for my intellect is superior to your collaborative entities. I AM THE GHOST OF PENGUIN PAST! You will do well not to anger me inferior beings, for I have the wrath of one thousand rhinoceroses with a bad tummy ache!"

"Gosh," said Ron "The huge ghost of penguin past has just promptly suddenly flown out of the sky and landed on that cloud over there and said: Hail, lesser mortals. Do not endeavour to patronise me, for my intellect is superior to your collaborative entities. I AM THE GHOST OF PENGUIN PAST! You will do well not to anger me inferior beings, for I have the wrath of one thousand rhinoceroses with a bad tummy ache! Wooooow." Then he stopped , gasping for breath and his left ear promptly, suddenly, punctually, rapidly, abruptly, -insert more appropriate adverbs here-, detached itself from his cranium and dropped to the ground, muttering about red-haired, selfish, teenage boys. Everyone else made a noise best described as 'mnyuh'. Harry, deciding that the attention had been on Ron's ear for too long, promptly, suddenly, punctually, rapidly, abruptly, -insert more appropriate adverbs here- fell off his thestral at the surprise of seeing the huge ghost of penguin past, suddenly, promptly… well you get the idea. He screamed,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Then realising he could fly rose up until he was level with his thestral. Then realising he needed a broomstick to fly, he fell back down to where he had originally been falling. Then realising that he had just flown without a broomstick and therefore COULD fly without a broomstick flew back up and landed astride his thestral.

"Listen," announced the ghost of penguin past "And gain knowledge, to achieve your dream, minor giant, you must look at yourself and find the essence of you, and articulate this mantra….." The ghost of penguin past waved a flipper and out of nowhere, appeared a brass band complete with more than seven types of fart-like-noise-making devices, shiny uniforms and a very confused violinist.

"Gosh," Said Ron, and to everyone's utmost annoyance he continued, "A brass band complete with more than seven types of fart-like-noise-making devices, shiny uniforms and a very confused violinist has just appeared out of nowhere."

"Indeed," added Harry realising that if he butted in now he could steal Hermione's tradition and therefore gain a tradition all of his very own. "Bravo curiculim!"

Hermione merely shrugged and turned away. Meanwhile, the ghost of penguin past had begun to smoke and sizzle. He then exploded into several diminutive teal elephants who cantered into the sunrise. Harry sealed Ron's mouth with a nifty spell before he could repeat what had happened. Hermione looked somewhat triumphant.

( We owe this rather natty little ditty to a friend of mine. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Well… you may not since the… ahem… accident.

Being less mentally able than Hermione, Harry struggles to spell 'curriculum'.)

A/N: Thank you to all reviewers. Keep 'em coming! Oooh we're famous. And thank you to the reviewer who said we were like Douglas Adams. And we are NOT saying this because we are his writing monkeys. NO MASTER ADAMS! NOT THE VAT OF OIL! I'LL BE A GOOD WRITING MONKEY!