There are still a few days where he wakes up hating himself desperately. In those few days, he finds himself trying to hate Hatsumi.
Not that it ever works; he could never hate Hatsumi. He used to hate himself for that, but now he just accepts it for fact. He's loved Hatsumi since her first innocent smile, so it was relatively easy to accept that he'd never really be able to seek revenge. (If he had targeted Akane, the story would have ended very differently.)
He doesn't deserve her. He has no rights to the innocent smile that now only comes out for Shinogu and Ryoki. (The same smile he had once had exclusive rights to for so short a time he finds himself hating his mother's lover with an emotion so deep it frightens him.)
But if he can't have her, he can at least make her happy.
He can't find happiness for her in Ryoki. He sees more misery than happiness in that future, and a learned patience he resented in his own mother.
He wants passion for her, and a tenderness so deep that it might make up for his loss.
Azusa does not hesitate to push Shinogu.
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