Of Ontwhistles and Expeditions
They woke up in the morning, at half past ten at night, half an hour before they went to bed. To their greatest horrification, they came to their realisations that they had been in slumbercations for most of the half an hour they hadn't been. Ifferation. They were, they were soon to discover, in a hotel room in the little known village called Pareeeeeee (but only by the locals) the rest of the twisted land, preferred to call it Paris, as it had a more pleasing to the eye sound to it. However the observant ones among you will be of the noticement that they, having not known where they were, still haven't a clue where they are. Very clever. Now back to the plottish line. Not knowing where they were, there natural reaction was to say…
"Where are we!"
Now, to answer there most questionful question, were some retarded dwarves, of French origin who popped out of the conveniently placed dwarf containers. They all bobbed up and down in an elegantly tuneful (yet disgustingly cheerful) way. They sung the following tooon:
We are the dwarves,
From Dwarfkinland,
We welcome yoooou,
From Engerlaaand,
I bet you wooonder,
Why you're here,
The reason whyyyyy,
Will soon be cleeeaar,
We are the dwarves
(Bass line: Dwarf Dwarf)
From Dwarfkinland,
We welcome yoooou
To Frenchishlaaaand!
YAH!
Then they disappeared in a puff of smoke. Harry was confuzzled. As was Ron, and his feeling of confuzzliment was added to by a feeling of inability to express his innermost emotions, as he was still magically gagged from Hermione's spell. Therefore all he was able to do was jump up and down anxiously, with his hands pointing at his throat making proverbial ontwhistles. Harry glanced anxiously at his amicable chum through his visual viewers, and then at his amicable chumette, who merely shrugged and viciously commented 'Leave him, he deserves it.'
Harry looked around in an alarming fashion and enquired panic-stricken-
"WHERE'S HAGRIDDD!"
Hermione whipped her head around twice in an overly dramatic way. Whip! Whip!
"Holy Cricket! So he isn't! Here I mean."
"WHAT CAN WE DO," queried Harry, temporarily forgetting that he was speaking in capital letters, "Sorry, I mean, what can we do? How can we find him?"
" I don't……." said Hermione
But she was most impertinently interrupted by Ron (aka Ronaldo Weeesssszzzzzlah) who had just realised that, being a wizard, he could use his powers to un-gag himself and be free tooooo speak (he had taken so long because he had been planningggggg toooooo ask Hermione how to use his magic powers to un-bind himself, buut had only just realised that a) he couldn't ask Hermione how to un-gag himself because he was gagged and therefore couldn't speak, and b) he already knew how to un-gag himself as they had learnt to perform an elleaarmentarie un-gagging spell in their first un-gaggging lessoooon.).
-Audience scowls at author for using too many repeated letters-
So, having realised all this, Ron had quickly and easily ungagged himself and was now ready to interrupt Hermione with the fateful words,
"Oh no, all this just happened:
We woke up in the morning, at half past ten at night, half an hour before we went to bed. To our greatest horrification, we came to our realisations that we have been in slumbercations for most of the half an hour we haven't been. Ifferation. We are, we haven't yet discovered, in a hotel room in the little known village called Pareeeeeee (but only by the locals) the rest of the twisted land, prefer to call it Paris, as it has a more pleasing to the eye sound to it. However the observant ones among them-" (At this moment Ron pointed into the audience and everyone was like 'AAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhHH') "Will be of the noticement that we, having not known where we are, still haven't a clue where we are. Very clever. However" (Upon saying this most sharp witfulness, Ron promptly leapt in the air animatedly, boogying, blaring and uproaring; I am a poooooet, I am a pooooet, I'm a poet and I didn't even realise it yeh' (there were jazz hands all round)) Not knowing where we were, our natural reaction was to say…
"Where are we!"
Now, to answer our most questionful question, were some retarded dwarves, of French origin who popped out of the conveniently placed dwarf containers. They all bobbed up and down in an elegantly tuneful (yet disgustingly cheerful) way. They sung the following tooon:
We are the dwarves,
From Dwarfkinland,
We welcome yoooou,
From Engerlaaand,
I bet you wooonder,
Why you're here,
The reason whyyyyy,
Will soon be cleeeaar,
We are the dwarves
(Bass line: Dwarf Dwarf)
From Dwarfkinland,
We welcome yoooou
To Frenchishlaaaand!
YAH!
Then they disappeared in a puff of smoke. Harry was confuzzled. As was I, and my feeling of confuzzliment was added to by a feeling of inability to express my innermost emotions, as I was still magically gagged from Hermione's spell. Therefore all I was able to do was jump up and down anxiously, with my hands pointing at my throat making proverbial ontwhistles. Harry glanced anxiously at his amicable chum through his visual viewers, and then at his amicable chumette, who merely shrugged and viciously commented 'Leave him, he deserves it.'
Harry looked around in an alarming fashion and enquired panic-stricken-
"WHERE'S HAGRIDDD!"
Hermione whipped her head around twice in an overly dramatic way. Whip! Whip!
"Holy Cricket! So he isn't! Here I mean."
"WHAT CAN WE DO," queried Harry, temporarily forgetting that he was speaking in capital letters, "Sorry, I mean, what can we do? How can we find him?"
" I don't……." said Hermione
But she was most impertinently interrupted by me saying what I've just said, and now, the most important bit is…………… LETS GO ON AN EXPIDITION TO FIND HIM."
So, pausing only to stop and wrap their possessions in conveniently placed red handkerchiefs with white spots on them, which they tied to conveniently placed wooden poles, which they slung haphazardly over their shoulder, they set of on an expedition to find Him (you know where you are).
They strode up and down the room for a couple of spiffing minutes before Hermione, being the clever, geniotic, and all round best one of the lot, spotted a small note, lying innocently in the place where, only a few minutes earlier, Ron's substructure had been placed. She immediately fell out of line (they were marching in line), and ran the stride and a half over to the note.
"Hey, look what I've found – a note. Bravo Curriculum"
She unfolded the note (it was folded), and read aloud the indecipherable scrawl (which Hermione speedily exerted not at domicile to be paid en transmit pro her exceedingly premium widespread sagacity clout) which lay within
"Hee Hee Hee.
We are the dwarfes,
Of Dwarfkinland
We took your friend
From Frenchish land
We took him tooooooo
Our humble lair
And we suggest
You die your hair"
"You know what that means?" Harry said, " That means we must go to Dwarfkinland and rescue our hirsute and outsized friend."
"Indeed," agreed Hermione, clamping her hand firmly over Ron's mouth to prevent him from repeating the entire episode, (meanwhile Ron looked very offended at the sneaky little dwarves comment about hair dying. His hair was magnificent thank you very much) "Bravo Curriculum!" announced Hermione.
(A/N: Note our feeble attempt at fleshing out the story eh? Heh heh heh heh. If anyone can tell us what an ontwhistle is we'd love to know. Please review! Plus the boys still have an issue with their spelling.)