Hajile was still shaking, violently so back in his and Nasus' dormitory. Harry had sat him down, putting a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "Hajile… do you need anything…?"

"I did it for the dolphins I did it for the dolphins I did it for the dolphins I did it for the dolphins I did it for the dolphins I did it for the dolphins I did it for the dolphins I did it for the dolphins I did it for the dolphins I did it for the dolphins…"

"Right. I'll get the Ativan," Ron said, going into his hip pack and digging through various prescription bottles of all shapes and sizes. After about a three-minute search, he tossed one Harry's way. "'Ere ya are,"

"Ron… your name isn't 'Caroline Smythe'," Harry said, wary. Ron blinked, shrugging.

"Could be."

"Where's Nasus, anyways?" Hermione asked, taking up her mangled headphones and putting her music on as loud as she could. She wasn't very interested in getting her answer, but it came in the form of Nasus stepping out from the bedroom. She looked up and beamed.

"Hajile!" she cried, running over. Hajile wept, standing up, wanting nothing more than to take Nasus in his arms and kiss her wildly, let her know everything was all right, make love all night and forget about strange tribal wear…

Everyone gasped; Nasus ran past Hajile and his outstretched arms, slamming straight into Harry. Harry yelped, arms out as to not embrace her whatsoever. "Hajile! You've come back! I was so worried with the Sylterans and that strange woman and Dumberdang…"

"Nasus… no, it's me, Harry!"

Nasus stepped back, looking at him with a coy expression. "Now Hajile, you MUST stop listening to the press about how much you and Harry look alike. I mean, really…"

"Nasus?" Hajile whimpered pathetically. He put a hand on her shoulder and caressed it lightly. "Nasus… it's Hajile, I'm right here,"

She turned to face him; a look of absolute terror swam over her face. She jumped back, pointing a finger accusingly at him. "SANDY!" she screamed. "NO! Get him away from me!"

As Hajile recoiled in horror, Ron suddenly walked over in long strides; he took Nasus by the shoulders, extended her wings and threw her into the door. She fell on her back, knocked out once again. Ron huffed, putting his hands on his hips. "Enough of that rubbish."

"Do YOU need an Ativan, Ron?" Harry asked. Hajile ran over to the unconscious Nasus, crying piteously.

"My poor dear, beautiful darling!" he whined. Hermione gagged, putting her hand to her mouth. Ron rolled his eyes.

"When she wakes up, we won't be here. She'll take one look at cha and forget about Harry," he said.

"Since when have YOU gone to medical school!" Hajile spat back.

"ENOUGH!" Hermione suddenly yelled, throwing her headphones off. Everyone looked over and stared; not so much at the determined face she wore, but the fact that she was still walking around looking like a dominatrix. Her breasts glittered in their black-silver cups as she hissed out hot breaths. "NOW. We have many more matters to tend to… like… WHO IS this daughter-of-Dumbycorn, and WHY is Josh Hardknot here?"

Harry shook his head. "I dunno. I didn't SEE Josh at the Great Hall our first day,"

"He's bloody tall enough not to miss," Ron grumbled out, sitting on the plush couch. Hajile gathered Nasus in his arms, shuddering. Everyone took note of this. Harry raised his eyebrows, looking to Hajile with suspicion.

"Hajile? What's going on?"

Hajile looked up, biting his lip. "Back… when we filmed 'The Faculty'… he and I had… 'Relations'," he stammered out. "Nasus knew this; I'd NEVER hide anything from her. But believe me, I'd hide HER… from Josh,"

"Why?" Hermione asked. Hajile closed his eyes and curled into Nasus, a single tear falling from his eye.

"He could be so sweet… but others found out about our relationship. Someone on set discovered us and… took pictures. Called me, threatening that they'd them to every rag-mag they could," Hajile said through throaty tears. "I had to pay over $400,000 to him, and believe me… that was a deal. He could have gotten MUCH more from those scheming, ebul newspapers,"

"Well- I mean, how bad could those pictures have been?" Ron asked. Hajile looked up at him, a stony look on his face.

"We thought that the back rooms in the studio were private enough. Believe me. They're pretty…"

"Graphic?" Hermione piped up, her voice thick. Hajile shot her a look.

"Could… say." He said. Taking a deep breath he continued. "I told Josh we couldn't go on, even in total secrecy. He couldn't accept it… said he loved my bottom too much to let me go…"

"Stop. Please stop." Ron blurted. Hajile bit his lip.

"Anyways… he's sworn up and down he'd never want to see me with anyone else, ever again. When I was dating Dom Manowar, he just… showed up in New Zealand and… found us."

"Graphic?" Hermione asked again, her thighs rubbing together anxiously.

"Right… I think we have enough information. Josh has come to Hogwarts to be the jealous-ex," Harry stated. "You've had plenty of bum sex to last a lifetime…"

"'ARRY!" Ron yelled. Harry groaned loudly.

"WHAT? He HAS!"

"I have," Hajile said with a small shrug.

"So now, away from that…" Harry sighed out, much to Ron's relief. "We've got this… Eiram Dumberlore. The daughter we didn't know exists,"

"Right…" Ron mumbled, running his fingers over his mouth as if in deep thought. "She seems like a nutter. Did you notice the bags under her eyes?"

"Mmm, yea. Probably tired from her starting the Defense Against Dark Arts position," Harry said. "Anyone knowing the history of THAT class and the former teachers of it would most definitely crack,"

"And she's an legilimens to boot," Ron added. Harry scowled.

"HOW am I to go against the system with her prattling around in my head all the time? HOW am I to sneak about the castle late at night to discover oddly obvious clues, placed right in my path…"

"Oh… Nasus…"

Everyone looked over to Hajile, seeing Nasus stir in his lap. Her bleary eyes opened, staring up at Hajile. "Ha… jile?" she stuttered out. More tears flowed from Hajile's sky-blue orbs.

"Yes, my love. Yes, it's me," he replied. She smiled warmly, putting a bloody finger to his cheek.

"Oh, I've missed you." she murmured. Before she could nuzzle his soft, gorgeous pale column of a neck, her eyes fell on Harry. They went wide as she began howling. "SANDY! NOOO!"

"Cor, let's go," Ron said, leaving the dormitory with Hermione and Harry. Once outside and making SURE the portrait hole was closed, Hermione whirled around, eyes ablaze with wild wonder.

"I just remembered something!"

"What, what?"

"When I was helping Professor Twiggy in the Potions room yesterday afternoon, he'd said that he was low on the ingredients for the Polyjuice Potion! He seemed REALLY worried about it, like there was someone that was going to use it for ebul purposes!" she explained. Both Ron's and Harry's jaws dropped.

"Crikey!" Ron said, nudging Harry. "Sort of like us in the Chamber of Secrets!"

"And the fake Mad-Eye Moody when my name came out of the Goblet of Fire!"

"It all fits!" Hermione said. "Someone ELSE is using this plot point for their own ebul devices!"

Harry looked to Ron.

Ron looked to Harry.

"MALFOY!" they both exclaimed at the same time. Hermione rolled her eyes.