Chapter Six
Weird Pairings
NARRATOR: In the last chapter our little friends ran into Dora the Explorer and Boots, Erik got reeeaaaaally pissed off, and they found Christine. We'll continue where we left off...
HARRY: (smiling) SHE'S ALIVE! She's still alive!
DORA: You see, since we used our POSITIVE thinking caps, then she stayed alive! If we thought awful things-
ERIK: Then we'd probably lose you, so we'd all be happy. Give me Christine-(he takes Christine from Harry and kisses her)
RAOUL: Hey, get your own wife!
ERIK: This one WAS mine, but you had to come barging in!
RAOUL: (tries to take Christine from Erik)
ERIK:(Gollum) Noooo! My prrrrrrecccccccciousssssssssssss...
RAOUL: NO! MINE!
DORA: I'm sure we can all share her!
(they all look at her)
ERIK: Yea, how about not
MEG: Maybe it would be better if she was awake...
CARLOTTA: (kicks her stomach. She coughs out water and seaweed)
CHRISTINE: (cough cough) It-it was-s- s-sso c-cold...
CARLOTTA: She ees now back, we are ree-jioceeng. But we 'ave sum unfinished beesness...
HARRY: No, you are not going to fight again
CHRISTINE: Wha-what? Who are they?
DORA: I'm Dora the Explorer, and this is my monkey, Boots!
BOOTS: You're not a mean person, are you?
CHRISTINE: I...guess not...Erik, why are kids here?
ERIK: Yea, why ARE you here
DORA: We were going to Grandma's house!
RON:Yea, and you ended up in the middle of the Arctic...I see that went reeeal well...
BOOTS: Dora lost the map
CHRISTINE: Wait, is that a talking monkey?
BOOTS: In boots!
CHRISTINE: Okay...good for you...
MEG: Now what do we do?
HARRY: I dont know...
RAOUL: Let's go back to what I first said! Let's reproduce!
HARRY/HERMIONE: NO!
DORA: What's that mean?
CHRISTINE: It's a special term...
BOOTS: For?
ERIK: Your too young
DORA: Oh, is it a Mommy and Daddy thing?
MEG: Yes, it a thing Mommy's and Daddy's do to make babies!
BOOTS: But I thought the stork brought babies!
RON: Yea, let's go with that...
ERIK: I get first picks...
RAOUL: No! I wanna pick first! Wait...let's let the red haired kid pick first!
HARRY: For the last time, we are not-
RON: I pick...
HERMIONE: RON!
RON: What? We should educate these little kids, seeing as they'll learn later. And what's better than showing them how it's done?
ERIK: Yes, but we'd all be barfing seeing you ontop of one of these girls
RON: And what's that supposed to mean?
RAOUL: Whatever. Let's just say that he picked Christine... (he shoves Christine into Ron) And we'll all just walk away and let you two do your buisiness...
(they all walk away from them.)
BOOTS: What? What are they doing?
MEG: You know, little monkey, you're starting to get annoying...
ERIK: Starting?
HARRY: This is wrong. We should be trying to stay sane, not having s-
DORA: I don't get it! What are they supposed to be doing? Are they making cookies?
BOOTS: Mmmmmmmmm...I LOVE cookies!
ERIK: We don't care! And no they're not making cookies
(A few minutes later...)
ERIK: Okay, we gave them enough time. C'mon, lets-
(They all walk back to Christine and Ron to find them kissing)
HARRY: RON!
HERMIONE: RON!
DORA: Oh, I get it, they were kissing!
ERIK: CHRISTINE!
MEG: Guys?
RAOUL: (giggles) Raoul
(Christine and Ron look up)
HARRY: What's all this then?
RON: You forced us together, it wasn't our fault!
RAOUL: Well, Christine's still married to me
CHRISTINE: But you're just a dumb fop. Ron is cute.
RAOUL:...
ERIK:...
HERMIONE:...
HARRY:...
MEG:...
BOOTS: So they were kissing! Is that what you didn't want to show us?
DORA: We're old enough to see that!
RON: Yea, thas it. We were just planning to kiss.
CHRISTINE: Uh huh...
ERIK:hmm...
CARLOTTA: Vatevah. Now that she's done vith that...(grabs Christine and punches her face)
DORA: AAAAAAHHHHHH! NO! NO, LET'S NOT FIGHT! LET'S TRY TO SETTLE THIS IN A MORE-
ERIK: Shut up. She denied my love by kissing that brat, so they can kill each other for all I care
HARRY: Yea, fat girl
DORA: I am not fat!
ERIK: Your stomach tends to stick out instead of in
DORA:...
CHRISTINE: Ah! DIE, BITCH! (kicks Carlotta)
(everyone sits down to watch Christine and Carlotta fight.)
(Suddenly a bright light appears, and four people fall out. Actually, three people and a beast. Thas right! I inserted Belle, the Beast, Gaston, and the hunchback of Notre Dame in my story just for the heck of it! Sweet! I finally gave you Disney fans something to cheer about! Just to make things funnier, they all land on the fighting Christine and Carlotta)
GASTON: Where are...I demand to know where we are!
BELLE: What? Is this Antarctica? Who are you?
BEAST: Grr...
CARLOTTA: (muffled under the Beast) Get...offa...me!
DORA: There are new people now! Let's count how many there are in Spanish! Uno, dos, tres, quatro! Now in Engilsh...
ERIK:Shut up, Oh God, SHUT UP!
DORA:...
GASTON: I seem to be standing on a lady. I will chose to pretend that I did not notice
HARRY: Thanks for telling us
RON: (sarcastically) I could tell that we're gonna looooove this bloke...Oi! Get offa my girlfriend!
GASTON: (laffs) Let's see if you can try to get me off...
RON:(pulls out his wand)
DORA: What's that? Is it a stick?
RON: (mutters something that made Gaston's face swell up and turn purple)
GASTON: Ah! What is the meaning-
CHRISTINE: Oh, god I couldn't breathe! (gets up)
BOOTS: What did you do with that stick?
RON: We had to explain it to these idiots, we're not even going to waste our breath on you (kisses Christine)
HUNCHBACK: (gazes longingly at them and tries to sulk away)
MEG: Hey, you! We'd better stay together, we don't want to get separated
HUNCHBACK: (turns around to look at Meg, who amazingly doesn't flinch at the Hunchback's distortedness. He walks up to her)
RAOUL: Hey, you've got a curvvy back! Hahaha, you're even uglier than Erik!
ERIK/BEAST: (glares at him for making fun of him for his mutated features)
MEG:Raoul! It's very mean to make fun of someone for small things like that! Right, Christine?
CHRISTINE: What? Oh, oh yea. Yea, Raoul. Whatever she said
HUNCHBACK: (looks shyly up at Meg. Awww...how cute! He's in love!)
RON: How did you lot get here?
BELLE: A strange man appeared. He had a stick like yours, and...
HARRY: So for some reason Voldemort's sent us all here
CARLOTTA: Vy us?
HARRY: Maybe it's because you're all from the Phantom of the Opera experience-
ERIK: How did you know about that?
HARRY: Oh, I'll tell you later. And I think you are from some movie called Beauty and the Beast-
BEAST: WHAT!
HARRY: Umm...yea, and you're from the movie the Hunchback of Notre Dame
BOOTS: What about us?
ERIK: Yes, what about the annoying little talking monkey and the Spanish girl?
HARRY: I have no idea
DORA: We have our own TV show, too! It's called Dora the Exp-
RAOUL: Yea, yea. We all care
CHRISTINE: What's a TV show? And movies?
RAOUL/ERIK/CARLOTTA: Yea...
HERMIONE: I think it's some muggle thing
DORA: What's a muggle?
RON: We told you that we're not explaining it again
BOOTS: Pweeeeese?
RON: NO.
(meanwhile, Meg and the Hunckback were talking...)
MEG: So what's your name?
HUNCHBACK: Quazimodo. You're not scared of me?
MEG: Why, of course not...(raoul's finger slowy apeared, poking the Hunchback's face)
MEG: RAOUL, STOP IT! Why don't you go poke Christine or something? Or ask her for a break! That oughta keep you occupied...
RAOUL: Fine. (looks over at the ocean) Hey, there's a ship headed toward us!
(they all look, and Christine and Meg scream. The Titanic was hurtling toward them)