Chapter Eight
Carlota does a Jig
NARRATOR: We last left off where everyone was fighting, and Erik and Carlotta was standin' awkwardly, and Erik's sad attempt at small talk, and-
NEW NARRATOR: Do you think these pants make my butt look big?
NARRATOR: Oh god, why are you still here?
NEW NARRATOR: The authoress said there can be two narrators, so shea!
NARRATOR: Arrggh...AUTHORESS!
AUTHORESS: Yeeeeeessssss?
NARRATOR: Did you-?
AUTHORESS: Yes, I did. Live with it
NARRATOR:...
NEW NARRATOR: Oh, we are like, gonna have SO much fun together!
NARRATOR: BACK TO THE STORY!
NEW NARRATOR: (poutsy)
Anywayyy...
HERMIONE: Ow, you broke my arm!
RON: Haw haw
CHRISTINE: You deserved it, bitchslap
HARRY: (punchy punchy!)
RON: OW!
MEG: DIE!
RAOUL: Hey, let's all have a dance off!
ERIK: Hey, the first smart thing the Fop said! I second that
Everyone stops their fighting
CHRISTINE: No, who votes we make Carlotta do a jig?
RAOUL: Me
ERIK: Aye
MEG: Me too
CARLOTTA: Vhat?
DORA: Now, we should just-
ERIK: Oh, me!
HARRY: I do
HERMIONE: Me too
RON: So do I
CARLOTTA: Vait, ve should just try to leesten to the little girl...
ERIK: Screw the little piece of shit. Who says the Chicken dance?
RAOUL: Bunny hop! The Bunny hop!
CHRISTINE: Do da macarana
RON: Dance like Napoleon did at the end of the movie!
ERIK: Those are all wonderful ideas! Why don't we have her do them all?
they all smile evilly (dun dun DUN!) and advance on her
A few minutes later...
CARLOTTA: I don' wanna be a chicken...
RON: You're not doing it right! You have to do the bunny hop at the same time!
CARLOTTA: dances bunny hop AND the chicken dance
I don wanna be a chicken
I don wanna be a duck (hop hop hop)
So I shake my butt (dun dun dun hop hop hop)
CHRISTINE: (holds out her foot, making her trip)
EVERYONE: laffs
CARLOTTA: I fell down and vent boom...
EVERYONE: laffs harder
CARLOTTA: Can I be done now
MEG: Yea, I guess so
ERIK: Well, that was the most amusing moment of my life, aside from seeing you hanging upside d-
CHRISTINE: I really don't think there's any need to mention that again, Erik
-------------------------------------------------------awkward silence--------------------------------------------------------------------------
RAOUL: Haha, all your clothes are ripped in all the wrong places!
ERIK: What makes you any different, FOP?
RAOUL: I'm special
ERIK: In more ways than one
RAOUL: Thank you (to Meg) I can see your-
(the light appeares again, and this time a fat guy with glasses come out, with a talking baby that has a head shaped like a...football, and a talking dog)
FAT GUY WITH GLASSES aka FGWG: Where the hell are we
TALKING BABY: What the deuce?
ERIK: Oh, great, who are you?
DOG: God, is that the Phantom of the O-
ERIK: Yes, I'm the bloody Phantom, will everyone shut up about that
BOOTS: Ooh, it's a doggy!
DOG: Peter, I think we're in-
TALKING BABY: By God, we're in Antarctica
DOG: Uh...yea
FGWG: hehehehe...poo. Holy crap, they have big boobs!
CHRISTINE/MEG: WHAT?
RON: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!
DOG: I'm Brian. This is Peter, and Stewie
PETER: God, it's cold here. It's colder then that time someone left the freezer open. (a flashback. Peter is standing in his yard in winter. The freezer door is open, visible through the window)
MEG: Okayyyy...
CHRISTINE: Yea, we already established the fact that it's cold
STEWIE: How the heel are we supposed to get out of here?
ERIK: I know exactly who to ask! Oh, Authoress?
AUTHORESS: Yes?
ERIK: How are we supposed to-
AUTHORESS: I don't know. I have nothing planned, out yet, moron! Find out for yourself
ERIK: (mockingly) Find out for yourself, find out for yourself...
(Okay, I know who to put in now! The bright light appears, and Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Lion appears. I would put that little dog in, but I can't remember it's name)
DOROTHY: I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore...
ERIK: (sarcastically) Noooooo...