Chapter nine
Raoul gets an Idea and a Shark gets a Meal
NARRATOR: We last left off as-
NEW NARRATOR: uh, hello! I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm here-
NARRATOR: Oh, yes I've noticed
NEW NARRATOR: And I want to start the story sometimes! It's like, you always get to do it, but now it's my turn! So share, Ms. Big Headed meanie!
NARRATOR: Ooh, big headed meanie! Okay, start off then
NEW NARRATOR: Ummmmmm...okay, there was bright lights, peeps flew out of the lights, people with a very bad fashion sense, FYI...anyway, there was stuff that happened...and more stuff...then stuff again...Oh, look it's my boyfriend! OhMiGod, I have to go say hi to him! Yea, later
NARRATOR: There you have it, the last chapter. Brilliantly summarized. The girl's a genious. Well, here's chapter nine!
CARLOTTA: (proudly) I deed a jeeg
TIN MAN: If I only had a brain
CARLOTTA: Vhat? I deed!
DOROTHY: Where are we?
ERIK: IN A FREAKIN' WINTER WONDERLAND, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
MEG: Okay, we should actually try to be nice to people. So, umm, who are you?
COWARLY LION: (stuttering, holding the tip of his tail) I'm the-the the Cowardly Lion
RON: Great, more talking animals
TIN MAN: I am the Tin Man
ERIK: Be careful not to rust, Man of Tin
SCARECROW: And I'm the Scarecrow
CHRISTINE: (to Dorothy) And who are you?
DOROTHY: I'm Dorothy, and we're looking for the Wizard of Oz
HARRY: (sarcasm alert) You're really gonna find him here
PETER: Heheheh...hey, it's the freakin scarecrow!
SCARECROW:...
RAOUL: (gets a lighter that magically appeared out of nowhere. Shut up, it did!) Hey, Scarecrow, wanna smoke?
(throws the lighter at the scarecrow, who lights on fire and runs around screaming)
STEWIE: (evilly) Thas right...burn...
BRIAN: Whoa
CHRISTINE/MEG: (screams, DUH)
SCARECROW: AAAAAAAHHHH! AAAAAHHHHH! I'M MELLLLTEEENNG!
(he turnes to a pitiful amount of ash and dies)
RAOUL: Okay, if you don't want one (takes lighter and puts it...somewhere...I will establish where by the end of this story!)
DORA: (screams)
DOROTHY: Oh my!
TIN MAN: Eh...he had a good run
ERIK: One down...sixteen more to go...
CHRISTINE: What was that?
ERIK: Oh nothing (grabs a handful of snow and throws it at the Tin Man, who immeadiatley and wierdly starts rusting)
TIN MAN: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I'M RUSSSSTEENG! (he falls down dead, a rusted piece of scrap metal. Eh, I was bored of them already anyway)
DOROTHY: That was an awful thing to do!
ERIK: Eh, he didn't have a heart. I say it's a good thing, he could've killed every one of us
CHRISTINE: Erik, you don't have a heart
RAOUL: (verrrry slow, not realizing that they were already dead) EEEEEEEEEEEK!
ERIK: They're dead already, Fop!
MEG: Instead of yelling at each other, we should probably tell all of the new people who we are
ERIK: I refuse to say a word. How about you do all the intros, Ms. Nice?
MEG: Okay, my name is Meg-
RAOUL: (to Erik) Wait, you're not gonna talk?
ERIK: (shakes head)
RAOUL: If you still love Christine, say aye! Aye
ERIK: Damn...aye
RON: Aye
CHRISTINE: Aye
DORA: Aye (everyone looks at her) What?
MEG: Anyway, this is Erik, Raoul, Christine, Carlotta, Dora, Boots, Peter-
PETER: hehe...Peeeter
MEG: Hey, it's your name! Anyway, Brian, Stewie, Quazimodo, Harry, Ron, and Hermione
COWARDLY LION: The-that's an awful lot of names...
DOROTHY: So how do we get back home?
ERIK: Well now, you little bitch, if we knew, we wouldn't still be here, now would we-
HERMIONE: I think what he's trying to say is...we don't know
(they all stand around, thinking of ways to get out)
RAOUL: Can we make a boat?
(everyone stares at him, amazed)
MEG: Hey, that actually is a really good idea!
BRIAN: One problem: What would we make it out of?
RAOUL: Ice!
ERIK: Okay, the Fop finally proved to us that he has brains! Now we need to find a piece of ice big enough
(they all see an iceberg about fifteen feet long, perfect to make a boat)
RAOUL: We could use that
CARLOTTA: But somevone 'as to get eet
ERIK: I know how we will decide who has to get it! (there is a dramatic close up on his face)
A contest of...(drumroll) Rock...Paper...Scissors!
EVERYONE: (cheers)
(well, I'm too lazy to write the contest, so I'll just tell you who has to go into the freezing waters to get the iceberg. Carlotta, Raoul, Dora, Boots, Brian, Peeeeeeter, Hermione, Dorothy, and the Cowardly lion. Hahah ( :p ) )
CARLOTTA: Outrage...thees whole affair is an outrage...
ERIK: Hey, you didn't say that in the version that we were based off of
CARLOTTA: Fine... 'ow about thees...she's the one behind this: Kristeen Daae!
CHRISTINE: what?
RON: You guys should go and get it, then
(the ones that lost slipped into the water, freezing their asses off. They all swam toward the Iceberg, and slowly pushed it toward the others. Then right as they were heading back to the land...)
HERMIONE/DOROTHY/CARLOTTA/RAOUL: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!
MEG: What is it?
HERMIONE: It's a shark! (she get's pulled underwater, and the water turns red)
CHRISTINE/MEG: (screams. BETCHA COULDN't FIGURE THAT ONE OUT, HUH?)
DORA: Oh no, it's a shark! Quick, we have to yell stop in spanish so he won't eat us! Yell- (she and Boots are pulled underwater)
(everyone starts to panic. The ones that were in the water tried to get to land as fast as they could, and the ones on land were screaming and not really helping at all. Eventually everyone in the water got shamelessly ripped apart by the shark, except for Carlotta because she rocks, and Raoul because he provides major comedy)
CHRISTINE: Oh god, oh god, oh god...Raoul! Are you okay?
RAOUL: Oh, Christine, I- (Chistine kisses him. Raoul, confused, smiles stupidly)
RON: Hey, what about me?
CHRISTINE: I'm not married to you, am I? Besides, nearly losing Raoul makes me realize how much I love him
RON: You really are a whore
ERIK: Okay, I am now over Christine. Hmmm... who to love? (sees Carlotta) Well, she isn't really ugly...(walks over to her)
I just noticed how beautiful your voice is
CARLOTTA: Ummm...thanks?
ERIK: I'm looking for someone to-
CARLOTTA: You're 'ot. Okay
(they kiss, then hold hands)
HARRY: HAS EVERYONE FORGOTTEN THE FACT THAT HALF OF US HAS JUST GOTTEN EATEN BY A SHARK!
STEWIE: Oh, I remember. But I could do well without the dog and fat man
ERIK: Yea, no one that matters died. So why should we care?
MEG: Okay, well, we should try to make the boat now, I guess
(they carve the ice into a boat, and hop on. It magically doesn't sink, so they use long chunks of ice for oars)
CHRISTINE: So Meg, which way should we-Oh God, get a room!
(Meg and Quazi are now kissing)
MEG: What? It's not like you don't kiss men infront of everyone! Well, I guess we should go that way?
CHRISTINE: Okay...Onward!
(they row that way)