Burn

A/N: First 'Firefly' ficlet. Mal/River. Not much else to say, other than enjoy!

Reviews are loved.

Dedicated to Zuki, because without her my Firefly obsession would have never flourished.

She wondered if perhaps it was an illness, at first. Perhaps a strange virus she had picked up when they'd been attached to some rock at some corner of the 'verse. Some bug that was slowly infecting her cells- changing them to reproduce in its likeness. Slowly destroying the genetic code that had been so carefully influenced.

But, no, it couldn't be. Didn't fit. There was no immune response. No fever to burn away at the infected cells and kill the alien DNA that might have been flowing inside her, just beneath the skin; none of her defense had begun to work. There was no virus.

She had talked to Simon. Asked him why it hurt- why it burned. Why it felt like her skin was on fire so often and her stomach was doing flips that resembled the omelets that Inara could so easily make- up, flip, down, repeat. She had gone to him looking for information. He had offered drugs- sharp needles to pierce the skin and inject useless concoctions into her veins that would only dim her own sense of awareness.

Simon was smart, but he was naive when it came to matters of the heart.

She had gone to him because she wanted to understand it, not destroy it. Because she liked it. She liked the burn- the way her skin felt that like it was alight and there was fire everywhere and she felt like she was glowing. The warmth made her want to smile and giggle and do summersaults all at once and then shout it for the 'verse to hear.

But that was illogical. There's no sound in space, so even if she did shout, it would be swallowed up with no one to hear. But Serenity heard. And it seemed she agreed, because she was happy.

Well, happier.

She had lost that happy warmth after Wash had left- after he had taken his warm caresses and soft words and taken her spirit. But now, little by little, it was coming back- slowly the cold metal was warming beneath her bare feet, and the humming breath that echoed between her walls was beginning to brighten and she was almost singing.

And slowly her crew was beginning accept the little pieces of light offered to them; to pick up the pieces- Zoe was smiling again, and even though it was still empty and her eyes were still hollow and crying out ("Please, baby, come back. I need you.") it was a start. Jayne had loosened the hard edge he had taken on after Book had been lost; a sheep without his shepherd, and he had taken to praying in his room late. ("An' please, God, watch after him up there, 'cause he's still a'herdin' me.")

Inara had stayed, but not for the reason everyone thought. She was not there to help the Capt'n in his time of need. She was there because Serenity was home now, and that home was broken and in pain, and she couldn't leave it 'til all was shiney again. She was there to soothe and be soothed. Maybe it would last this time.

Simon found comfort in the form of a slim mechanic that was pure sunshine, and she was slowly burning away at the pain he'd put himself in, the silly doctor. Kaylee took it all in stride- crying out all her tears when all was said and done and then becoming the single bright thing left for them. The only thing holding them from the darkness that threatened to drown them all. But carefully, she was easing herself away from them, testing their balance to see if they were ready to stand on their feet again.

The Captain himself had his own ways of dealing with it; ways that often found him in the kitchen with a cheap immitation of whisky in his hands while he sorted through his own ghosts, new and old. It was times like that when she felt he couldn't be helped, but at the same time didn't want it. But still, if she was near she would fall into a chair nearby and let him stew in his thoughts while she let her skin burn, and sometimes she wondered if maybe his burned too.

And things were good. The pain was still there, though. There were still two extra places at the table that not one of them had the heart to put away, but in a way it was good, because they weren't going to forget, but they were learning to live with it.

And she liked it. Because they were all started to burn again, but none so much as her.

It had been Kaylee, of all people, who had told her way it really was- why she was burning that wonderful burn. She was in love. It confused her at first, because she loved many things- loved Simon and Kaylee, and that egg that was growing into another being slowly inside of the bright mechanic; loved Inara and her pretty faces and calming words; loved Jayne and all his bad habits, because they made him Jayne; loved Zoe and her cold hands and warm heart; loved Serenity- but none of them made her burn.

"Different kinda love, sweetie." Kaylee said, and then wouldn't say anymore.

Different kinda love.

And then she understood why she was burning, and it made her smile and dance because there was still more healing needed and the burn was slowly mending them.

And now she sat in the cockpit and listened as Serenity hummed and her crew eased away the tension from the day, and thought to herself, It's good to burn, and she could swear she heard Serenity murmur her approval. And then there were footsteps behind her; boots hitting the floor and she counted the steps until they reached her- one, two, three, four, five, six...

"What're you still doin' up, little Albatross?"

And she smiled, because inside her she felt the embers leap up and her skin grow warm, and her stomach jumped up just a bit.

Yes, it was very good to burn.