Urg, don't really like this chapter cause...well...it's dumb...:P..feel free to skip it if u want to save urself from the torture of an extremely crummy chapter:P
Tala: if you really want to save yourself, you should just skip the whole story.
Sometimes I wonder why I even like you...
Tala: Then I can leave?
But then I remember it cause ur sooo cute:D -pinches cheeks-
Tala: I'm not a little kid!
- baby voice- Of courwe ur not! Ur a big boy!
Tala: -mumbles- I don't know why I bother... -leaves-
hehehe...okay...soooo THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS:D Pocky for everyone! as Angelic White Wolf suggested:P you're gonna haveta use ur imagination and pretend...cause I don't think I can send 'em virtually:P
Chapter 6 - That's my life. Love it, embrace it cause it ain't gonna change.
" blah blah blah" - anything that is a memory, voices and stuff
blah or blah - emphasis on word
Normal P.O.V.
This was a great first memory on a bus. Two guys glaring at each other, I don't even know why this is happening. Would someone like to clue me in to why the hell this is happening right now?
The Nick guy leaned in whispering something I didn't quite catch. All of a sudden Kai grabbed his collar about to punch the daylights out of this guy. I have no doubt that he could if he wanted to.
They weren't actually going to fight...were they? I quickly pulled the yellow-cord-dingy-thingy and the bus stopped. I grabbed Kai's wrist and pulled him off the bus.
"Woa! Calm down!" psycho maniac! I see why he was locked up in Military school now! Random outbursts of rage! "I don't know how it goes in Military school, if they give you a medal or whatever for every guy you kill but out here and anywhere with civilization, you get thrown in jail for it!"
"Don't tell me you don't know what that guy wanted."
"Uh...wha?"
"He was at least three years older then you."
"So are you. Is that suppose to mean something to me?"
"Dense and dumb, what a great combination..." he shook his head.
"Do you follow me around just so you can keep insulting me?"
He shrugged. Stop. Shrugging!
"Can you ever just give me a damn answer!"
He shrugged.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I gave out a frustrated cry then stomped away. I. Am. Going. To. Crucify. Him... one day.
I walked, picking up my speed every now and then trying to get some distance between me and him. I'd say I've been walking for about ten minutes...think I'm far enough? We'll I'm wiped out so I'd say I am.
Okay...so houses to my right, houses to my left, a long road in front of me, a long road behind me. And I'd be where right now? Well, no need to panic I'm sure if I go back this way it'll lead me back to the main roady thingy. Where buses and stuff stop.
Eight forty-five. I've been aimlessly wandering for about twenty minutes and no main road. But that's okay, it's okay..I'll be okay...I'm sure it's just a little further.
Nine o'clock. Just a little further.
Nine fifteen. I'm almost there.
Nine thirty. It's right there, it's right there. Just the next street, I'm sure!
Nine forty-five. I am totally and completely LOST! But I guess you already figured that what? An hour ago. I think I've only gotten myself more lost by roaming about. I'm beginning to wish I stayed with the anger-problem dude.
I'm beginning to wish I never got off that bus. I'm beginning to wish I never got on that bus in the first place. I'm beginning to wish I was at home watching TV and eating junk food. Darn, why didn't I stay home? Why do I have to be such a moron? This is the part where I usually bang my head against something... Oh look a brick wall, how perfect. "I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot! Why didn't I just stay with the arrogant jerk? Why did I leave him again?" I mumbled to myself between the times I banged my head.
"Why is it that every time I see you, you're banging your head against something. No wonder you're such an idiot."
Right, that's why I left 'cause of his I'm-better-then-everyone-else attitude. "Don't you ever go away? You're like a living, breathing nightmare that just keeps coming back!"
"Okay, I'm going." he said uncaring...with a shrug, then began to walk away.
URG! That little- wait... don't I need him to get home? Don't I need him to get un-lost? Sigh, I'll just swallow my pride (It's not like it's the first time I've done that) and follow him. Sigh...again. "Hold on! I'm coming!"
Walk. Walk. Walk. Hello? Say something! I can't stand silence as you may have already guessed. It drives my utterly insane!
Left foot. Right foot. Don't step on the crack. Left foot. Right foot. Don't step on the crack. Left foot. Right foot. Don't step on the crack. Left foot. Right foot. Ops, stepped on the crack, wonder if that'll break my mother's back. Well that took what little fun there was out of it.
Ummm...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait! He just got here from military school, right? Soooo...what are the chances he knows where the hell he's going? Ah! I've been following around someone that has no clue where anything is! I fell to the ground and sat curled up in a ball. I'm going to be lost for the rest of my life!
"What the hell are you doing?"
"You don't know where anything is! I'm going to die on the streets! My body will rot on the ground for all eternity cause no one will ever find us just as I predicted! And the worst part is it'll rot beside your ugly carcass!" I pointed at his face. I had said everything really quickly only slowing down for the last three words. (HE IS NOT UGLY!)
"You're such a whinny little brat, you know that?"
"I can't help it, I grew up with Enrique." What can I say? I picked up some traits from my brothers.
"Okay, number one, we're not going to die if worst comes to worst we'll simply call someone to come pick us up. You do have five brothers for a reason." Like they'd ever come for me. "Number two, if for some odd and unpredictable reason something does happens. I can reassure you that you will not eternally rot "beside my ugly carcass" 'cause I won't die, so you can rot on your own." Oh, how nice, he'd let me die while he runs off and saves himself. "And lastly, who said I didn't know where I was going?"
"How could you know where anything is if you just got out of the pokey?"
He raised a brow. "Pokey? I didn't just get out of jail."
"Military school, jail seems very similar to me."
He sighed then started walking again. Hmm...be lost alone? Or be lost with him? That is the question. I heard a rustle behind the bushes almost as if someone was going to jump out of them at any second. With him it is! I ran catching up with the jailbird.
And anyway, I tend to panic when I'm lost alone, I become hysterical just because I know with my luck I'll either get even more lost, or it'll take me hours and hours to find my way. But with someone else they'd most likely be able to find their way...or hopefully, and all I'd have to do is follow. That and when I'm alone I have delusions that someone is following me. I have no clue why I'm this paranoid but sometimes I swear I hear people in the bushes whispering and moving. Shudder.
"Okay, so you know where you're going right?" I asked just to make sure.
He didn't answer.
"Hello? answer meeeeeeee!"
Nothing.
"You know I can be soooo muchmore annoying then this!" I threatened.
Chirping of the birds.
"Talk! Talk! Talk to me! Hello?"
"Yes. I. Know. Where. I'm. Going." he said sounding like he was trying not to hit me after every word. Riiiiiiight, anger problems, I probably shouldn't have been so annoying just now. Why am I acting so much like my cheerful, easy going, free-minded, naive, happy-go-lucky old self? I haven't been like this in years. I don't even act this idiotic with my brothers. Is this the feeling of me...happy? But then again why would I be? Hello! I'm lost! Gotta stop saying 'hello' in that annoying-nosy-got-an-IQ-of-zero sorta way…though I may actually have an IQ somewhere down there…
"Okay, so where is the bus stop?"
"Who said I was going to the bus stop?"
"W-what!"
"I never said I was going there."
"THEN WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GOING!" birds flew away and squirrels retreated into their homes...I gotta stop doing that.
He stopped talking again. He's killing me! Urg!
"Where are we?"
"A park. What does it look like?"
"Okay, so why are we at the park?"
He shrugged. Ah! Blah! Why do I waste my breath!
Hm, this park was nice though. Colorful, pretty, flower filled. I stopped smelling some of the flowers we passed.
"Irises, still you're favorite?"
"Still? How do you know it ever was?"
He shrugged then continued walking, why did I know he was going to do that?
"Yeah, they still are." The Iris Broadleigh Carolyn, a flower with two shades of blue, a light clear blue and a darker shade of blue at the center.
"We've been walking for eeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvverrrrrrrrrr! Where exactly are you trying to go?"
"We're here."
I gasped. Preeeeeeeeeeeeeetty! It was a secluded area, trees and bushes surrounded a garden of flowers, flowers of every color. There were a couple of benches. In the middle was a cute little fountain spurting out water. The smell was wonderful, I love flowers!
"How did you find this place?"
"Someone showed me once."
"Isn't it puuuurti? Isn't it? Isn't it?"
"Very."
I looked around. Odd. "Did you just hear those voices?" ... "Did you hear those little kids just now?" I turned around...no one. "Kai? Where'd you go!" AHHHHH! That ass!
I sat by the fountain putting my hand into the warm water. If that bum doesn't come back I'm gonna...I'm gonna...be lost forever!
Suddenly an ice cream cone was placed in front of my face. "Huh?" I turned. "You! where'd you go!"
"I was hoping ice cream would get you to shut up." he shrugged.
"Well you could have told me!"
"I did."
"Oh.." ... "Really?"
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah."
"Okay...umm..thank?" I took the ice cream. Should I trust it? He probably poisoned, probably likes to watch people die or something. Oh hell, what exactly do I have to lose? Besides it's "Vanilla with chocolate sprinkles."
"My/your favorite." we said at the same time.
"Riiiiight...how-"
"Let's go." he interrupted me, and started to walk away. Why does he always do that?
"How did you get that?" he asked pointing to my cheek. It was the mirror cut, healing extremely slowly. Jeez such a small cut, what's taking it so long?
"It's nothing, always been there." I said turning my head away.
"No, it hasn't."
"How would you know? I've known you for like a week…less...for all you know this is some sorta birth thingy."
"It's not." he said simply.
"And you'd know how?"
"I just do." Great, another know-it-all.
"I fell-"
"You're lying I can tell."
I looked at him in am its-none-of-your-business-weirdo way. What are you some kind of psychic?
"Don't look at me like that, and yes I am psychic." (hehehe he just loves to confuse her:P if ur wondering how he knew what she was thinking it's just cause he does!...lol..he's no psychic, don't worry it'll make sense later:D unless I forget to explain it later...)
Ooooookay...now I'm just crept out. Maybe if I just back away slooooooooowly.
He suddenly cracked a smile. Wow...h-he...can SMILE? What has the world come too? Not that I really knew him much...maybe he just never smiled when I was around...but then again he just comes off as one of those people that are like really grumpy looking 24/7.
I couldn't help but let a smile creep up my face...a real smile, or I think it is? I don't know it's hard to tell now-a-days.
"What are you smiling about?"
"I don't know, you did...then I did...and..." silence... "Whatever." I finally finished.
Kai's P.O.V.
"Isn't it puuuurti? Isn't it? Isn't it?"
"Very." I smiled.
"Yousmiled!Yousmiled!Yousmiled!"
I face turned to confusion.
"Nooooooooo! Don't stop!"
"Huh?"
"Smile! S-m-a-I-l-e!" she demanded.
I allowed myself to.
"Yay! When you smile it makes me smile! From now on when you smile I smile and when I smile you have to!" ... "Deeeeeeeeal!"
I nodded.
Normal P.O.V.
"Um...hello?" I waved my hand in front of his face a couple of times. After about five times he caught it.
"Let's go." he repeated, letting go of my wrist. Jeeeeeeeez, so pushy.
"'Kay." and I'm so easily pushed...--
"I don't think I'll make it on time...let's just take the bus home." to my home at least, but I think he got what I meant. And anyway my teacher gets really annoyed when people are late. And I quote, 'Get here on time or don't bother getting here at all.'
"You give up so easily."
"We only have ten minutes to get on a bus to the subway go down like three-"
"Four."
"Close enough! Four stops then it's at least a five minute walk from the station to the dojo."
"Seven."
"Huh?"
"Seven minute walk, but a two minute run."
And he'd know this...how? What, was he bored one day and went out with a timer seeing how long it takes to get from one place to another? Talk about, no life.
"And here comes a bus now." Oh, so there is, since when am I lucky enough to have something come when I needed it?
"Come on." he pulled me onto the bus that had just stopped in front of us. (such an un-Kai like thing! But I'll make up for that later:P)
Woooooooow, nooooooooo traffic at all! Arrived at subway station with six minutes left. Lotsa busses here. So organized all with their own little spaces to stop at, how nice. People all waiting, separated into sections by which bus they plan on taking. Wonder where all these different buses are off to.
"Stop admiring the buses." he pushed me towards the stairs. Okay, okay... jeez, it's not like we're gonna make it anyway.
Down some stairs, walk a little, more like jog a little with him pushing me to move faster, down some more stairs, some more jogging, then down some more stairs. God, wouldn't it have been more logical to just have one big staircase leading you allllll the way down?
"Ding...Dang..." something rang.
Kai sighed as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the train just before the doors slammed shut. How many times does he gotta pull me somewhere? I didn't even get a chance to see the train plateau thingy properly! He's wrecking my whole trip! And I thought one of these things comes like every two minutes! No real rush needed.
Ohhhhh! Train is cool! Definitely bigger! Makes just as much noise as the bus but not as shaky. Kinda fun to watch stuff zoom by the windows. Oh, if you sit at the very front you can see lights coming closer! I did that alot:P Wow, I sound like a seven year old, so happy to be seeing new things. It feels...nice.
First stop. Second stop. Third stop...after a while the train gets kinda repetitive...and boring. Forth stop and we're here!
"Run."
"Wha?"
"Run, one minute left."
Is he kidding? I don't think I have the energy to do anything anymore; I've had enough exercise for a very, very, very loooooooooong time!
"Move it, now."
I groaned. "I hate you!" I pouted. I'm guessing he was like a lieutenant, or general or one of those people in the high positions that did nothing but command other people around and told them to run laps and crawl in the mud...and go through obstacle courses and stuff! TV...I should really cut down.
At some point while we were running he was basically just dragging me. I'm amazed that my legs were even able to keep up... Never mind they weren't. Something I should always keep in mind: Falling hurts, avoid it.
"You are such a pain."
"You're the one dragging me everywhere!"
He sighed. So now he's moves from shrugging to sighing, not much of an improvement if you ask me.
"Huuuuuh? We made it on time..." surprisingly, "Why's no one opening the door?" Oh shit! "They...ummm..moved the time down by an hour today..uh something about facial or something...Ops?"
He shook his head. "Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me."
And you're I'm-the-king-of-the-world attitude 'never ceases to amaze me.' Sheesh, is it a crime to be forgetful? He'd be perfect with Britney if you think about it. They both think they're better then everyone else, pretty...or well handsome in his case or whatever annnnnd they're both popular, the key ingredient in all this. Yes, this disgruntle, grumpy, bad-tempered, unsocial, sour-puss managed to get popular in a week. Why? I have no clue. All he does is glare at everyone till they go away and that makes him popular...cause? (cause he's coooool:P) Well they're a match made in heaven.
"What are you doing?"
He growled in annoyance. "They changed the lock, got a hair pin?"
"Uhhh...yeah," I toke one out of the back of my hair and handed it to him.
He stuck it into the door lock and jingled it around a bit, then turned till a clicking noise was heard.
It finally hit me...he's breaking in! "Didn't I just tell you this morning? Breaking and entering is a criminal offense! As in you get sent to jail! And jail is a baaaaaad thing! We went through this!" I don't think they should have let him out of Military school, he's not fixed yet! He's still broken! And juvenile!
"You can do what you want but I'm not standing out here for an hour."
"Fine! Get sent to jail on your own!" I yelled, he didn't answer back he had already disappeared into the darkness of the house.
I paced back and forth outside of house. I'm sure an hour will be up just like that. Any second now. I found that if I don't look at my watch time goes by faster. So I'll just keep walking back and forth...ah, screw it. Checking my watch this is stupid.
Ohhhhhhh, god...it's been a grand total oooooooof...five minutes(-.-). Maybe if I just go in for a little while...I could be in and out before they even get back. Yeah, just for a sec.
Dark...very, very dark. Like in one of those horror movies where a stupid girl wanders into a haunted house and then looks through the rooms for a while and then she comes by this one door and everyone at home is yelling and screaming to her not to open it but obvious she does and a serial killer or monster or ghost or whatever's in there, jumps out and kills her slowly and painfully or scares her to death. And I'd be the stupid girl in this horror film. Yet I'm still coming in here, why? Right, I'm stupid.
"Hello?" Now where did that smart aleck go? Damn I said it again!
"You can't catch me!" There was high pitched laughing from what sounded like a little girl...kids again?
"Who's there?..." I turned sharply looking all around me. Can never be too careful. No, there couldn't be any kids in here or anyone in here...the doors were locked...but if that delinquent could break in so easily...couldn't some professional burglar or hired assassin?... ooooh, and I don't think I closed the door on my way in, but then again why would someone hire an assassin to come here? Maybe it's worst then that...I rattled my brain for the worst possible scenario I could come up with...Sensei could have come back early! Ooooooh, she'd slaughter me for breaking in! She's cut me open, poke at my insides then get a pack of wolfs to eat out my insides, making sure I stay alive to feel every little bite! Must. Get. Outta. Here! Before I become lunch!
Why's it soooooooo dark in here? I can't see a thing! Ever get this feeling when you're in the dark that someone's just in front of you but you can't see them? That someone's watching you from the darkness. That's what I'm feeling right now.
I waved my hands in front of me, feeling around, when something caught my hand. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I opened my eyes, the bright lights blinding me. "W-what happened?"
"You fainted."
"Oh, yeah...there was this...big shadowy thingy. Someone else is in this house!" I returned to panic mode.
"That was me...stupid!"
"Oh...well you don't have to be so mean about it."
He rolled his eyes.
"Oh, so you've finally wakened. Classes start now, go change."
"S-sensei!...uh...ummm...I... uh..." I've got nothing. Give me a reason for breaking into her place then fainting! . How long was I out?
"Go change, don't worry about it. You're lucky Kai was here to carry you to the couch 'cause if I had destroyed my nails..." her face turned dark then suddenly got all happy again. "Don't you love them!" she asked, shoving them into my face, with a huge smile on. They were painted silvery on the left hand and metallic black on the right one. The nails were sharp more like claws but there was like a smiley face on the thumbs. So like her. Powerful, devious, always scheming something but does it with a smile.
"Uh... yeah... nice." I laughed, she's so weird sometimes...or all the time but that's why I like her. She never cares what other people think or say, just does whatever she wants. I guess you could say I kind of admire her. She built this place from the ground up mostly be herself after her husband sold their home right from under her, took off with his mistress along with all their assets and money. I really don't know how she manages to get up every morning after that but she just does and with a smile on too. She's so strong...I want to be strong, I want to be able to speak my minds for once, be able to act like myself instead of what other people want me to act like.
My whole life it's been like I've been playing a role, a fictional character that's just not me. At school, be nice, be quiet, do what others instruct me to, never talk back and always agree to do what other people want. I have a serious problem saying no. No..NO...NOO! It's that simple now if only I could say that to someone. And at home, I'm trying to please my parents be that perfect daughter but I just can't, and it's so tiring trying to be something I'm not. Then with my brothers... I'm mainly just angry and yell a lot, but that's not me either. I just need to take out my anger sometimes... and they're just the closest targets.
I basically have three different personalities. One that exist at school and with my parents where all I want to do is please people, another one which usually comes out after school where all I do is yell at the people around me a.k.a my brothers. And lastly one that only comes out at night when everyone else is asleep, one that only I have seen and I'm trying to keep it that way. An extremely depressed me, trust me it's not pretty to see, it's mainly just pitiful. Three different sides of me that I absolutely despise, that I absolutely detest...that I hate more then anything.
I keep telling myself that they aren't me, the real me isn't like that...but I don't even know what the real me is like, for all I know this is me...and that scares me.
"...Oh, and I just feel so refreshed. Facials are sooooo fun! Oh, Cecilia honey, you need one! Just look at those clogged pours. Tsk. Tsk. You should take good care of your looks before they fade. And you should go out more too! You're only young once!" I tuned in just in time for the end of her rant, she gave me this speech every week. "Cecilia, did you go out at least once this week?"
"Uh...well..." I thought about it...I did just go to a park..so... "Yeah, I guess I did."
"Yay! Good girl! Did you join any clubs like I told you to?"
"Ummm..."
"Now tell me the truth, don't lie. I have eyes everywhere you know."
"Well...no, not really."
She sighed. "Kai, I'm giving you a task. Get this girl to join something! Now go change. Class starts..." she looked at her watch. Her voice changed to serious. "Now! You're late Missey! And not changed yet, what have I always told you about being on time?"
' I'm only late cause she was talking so much... "Uh...sorry. Won't happen again..."
"It's my fault you were late because of all my talking! Don't just sit there and take this crap from me! Jeez, stand up for yourself girl!"... "I have so much to teach you, so little time."
Sometimes I think she's purposely trying to find ways to lecture me.
"Run! Run! Faster! Faster! Don't think I don't see you over there Billy boy! Speed up!" she yelled, lying on her chair taking a drink from her orange juice, her huge hat covering most of her face. Apparently she was attempting to get a tan though I don't think that's possible with no sun out. But hey, I could be wrong it wouldn't be the first time.
I think I'm going to die. Think I'm gonna get a heart attack. I think I'm going to keel over. Okay...I don't think...I know... I'm going to die! Can't...run...anymore! I think this is like my fifth lap around this place...this very huge structure. CAN'T RUN ANYMORE! Too much exercise for my own good, it's a hinder to my health! I'm sure I could get my doctor to agree to that!
I don't know why she got the sudden urge to tan but whoever got that into her head is going to pay! This is the only thing we could do while she tans, so while she sits there enjoying her juice, we're running laps. Don't get me wrong she's a great teacher just one that gets distracted...often...very, very often.
"Okay, everyone! That's enough! You can stop!" she yelled, not that it really mattered the only people that weren't on the ground gasping for air was...okay...her…oh and shark boy but he was in military school so he doesn't really count.
"Alright, so let's get started. As you all know competitions start soon, so I'll be using today's lesson and next week to decide whose going. So pair up and let's began!"
Everyone hustled around me, quickly getting into teams of two. I don't think they like me much, or notice me much but whatever, I mean who does? I ended up with this big dude. Unlucky him, he just got shoved with me even though I can tell he'd rather be with someone who'd give him more of a challenge. Actually more like unlucky me cause he's gonna break me into two.
I took a deep breath. I can do it. I can do it. A positive attitude leads to positive outcomes! Who am I kidding? Really? As if. Okay...let's not like that just yet. I can do this, I mean just cause he's twice my size, got muscles and looks like he could snap me like a twig, shouldn't worry me one bit.
"Three..." a guy counted us off. "Two..." Jeez just hurry it up! "One..." I'd like to just get over with my humiliation, thank you very much. "Began!" Finally is all I gotta say to you!...not that I'm actually saying it to him but - right, pay attention, gotta pay attention.
"Huh?" before I could even so much as blink he was behind me and in one swift move I was lying on my back unable to get up. Wow that went even worst then I expected it to. That was one short match. These lessons make me happy...why again?
Score: Zero wins - one lose.
Second match. Oh I stayed in that one just a little longer this time! But it basically ended up with my on my back once again. I'm gonna have some seriously back problems soon...or now actually. Ow!
Score: Zero wins - five loses
I was in the match for a whole five minutes, isn't that amazing?...for me... This girl had a broken arm and still managed to somehow get me down. That match was just sad. I wish I could say I wasn't really trying cause she was injured and all but I really can't.
Score: Zero wins - nine loses - one semi-kinda tie just cause one guy was being nice.
Today really isn't my day, I don't remember sucking this much! I remember I could at least beat a couple of people in this class! What's wrong with me today? Why am I ultra-sucking? Well everyone has their off-days...well everyday is an off-day for me but maybe this is some sort of...I don't know...god works in mysterious ways?
Alright, let me think this through. I had a somewhat enjoyable morning I guess, I went out so that's a big improvement, so logically now I have to have a horrible rest of the day or rest of the weekend. Isn't it wonderful how life works out? Or how my life works out? See this is how it works, every time something kinda good happens to me something twice as bad has to happen to balance it out 'cause I can never get a good handle on happiness, it's always just one step ahead of me. I can see it, I can reach out to it, touch it sometimes but never really grasp it, I can never really have it. I can never really just be happy without any consequences. Most of the time I just wish for nothing, just to have nothing happen at all but then that gets really boring, ya know? Well I learn to live with it...most of the times. That's life...well that's my life, a whole bunch of disappointments wrapped into one huge disaster and it ain't gonna change so I just gotta get use to it.
But why is it that my life had to be defective? Why is it that it had to be in my life that everything is a complete let down? I can hope and hope for things but they'll never happen. I can try my best or whatever but what good does that do when I'm just going to fail? I'm just beginning to think, why bother to do anything? Why bother trying to solve problems when worst ones only come up? Why bother making friends if they'll just abandon you? Why bother caring so much about someone else if no one even gives a damn about you? Why bother pushing through everyday if you're just going to end up failing? Why bother getting your hopes up if they're just going to get torn down in an instant? Why bother? Why bother? Why bother?The higher you get your hopes up, the harder the fall. I just made that mistake, got my hopes up about this and I totally sucked, I was worst then that, so bad that there's no word for it in the English language for it.
The higher I get the happier I am, the lower I'll fall the crummier I'll feel in the end. That's the rule my life follows by.
:D...R&R please! (Less is more:P)