You…people…too….nice…killing…me…with kindness! What a wonderful way to die:P Hehehe. And Roni thanks for telling me what Cecilia meant cause really I was trying to find out if it meant anything when I was picking out her name…haha:P
Now I have some warning for y'all in this chapter…it is kinda icky in the description and may cause icky thoughts to get stuck in ur head:P…contains…more swearing then actually needed…and may get sorta confusing :P but hey it's fun that way, no?
Disclaimer: Me no own dee show or dee characters from dee show but I do own Cecilia…and some other junk I do not quite remember at this time:P
Chapter 8 - What the hell is the world coming to? - Part two
-insert lyrics:P- Basicaly just the chorus...lol
"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!" I rubbed my eyes. Is my vision alright? IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?
They both stopped...the thing...they were doing...
Britney quickly stumbling off of him...him...him! ...I could kill him...I could kill her! I could kill them both! Take a piece of lamb and bash their heads open then cook the lamb and feed it to the detectives that come looking for them, like in Lambs of the Slaughter, only in this version they'll never find their bodies, cause I'll chop them up into little pieces and feed them to the wolves!
She picked up a pillow, hugging it to cover herself. I'm going to have to burn it later, along with the couch, and while I'm at it I'm just going to jump in too.
The Blondie got up quickly retrieving his shirt and slipping it on. "It's not what you think."
"Oh, so you two weren't having doing it on the couch!"
"..." Nothing to say, hum?
"So you were both just in here and said 'Oh it's really hot in here, I think we should take off our clothes and get on top of each other.'" I continued.
"Umm…well not quite."
"Then what were you doing?" Not that I don't already know.
"Okay...well...uh..." he sighed... "Well we're going out...and ummm…yeah, we didn't want you to find out this way." Wow, what a great way to tell me. 'We're going out ummm…yeah.' You sure put a lot of thought into that. Thank you so very much, you were lots of help in cushioning the blow, of your oh-so-terrifically-cheery news. (someone once told me news just like that…and I swear I felt like ripping them to shreds…but luckily I have gr8 restraint:P)
"Reeeeally? You're dating. Jeez, it's nice to know you two aren't just casual fucking-buddies.Oh, and you didn't want me to find out this way? What a joke! If you really didn't want me to find out this way then why in all hells did you both get naked, hop on the couch in the living room which has no door, in broad daylight, in the house which I happen to live in? Did you think I wasn't going to come home? That would just be plain stupid, 'cause frankly we all know that I have no where else to go!..." I paused for a second, then the second wave of anger hit and my rant continued, "DO YOU THINK I'M BLIND? - no wait…even the blind would be able to tell what you two were doing with all the moaning and other fuck-ass disturbing noises that came out of you two. You must really think I'm that stupid, for you to do that right in front of me, and then tell me 'It's not what you think.' It's not like you really made it hard for me to figure it out!"
"It's not as if I had planed this..." Whether you planed it or not it still happened, you…..you!...incredibly inconsiderate…freak of nature!
Max popped his little head out from the kitchen. I immediately threw something at his head yelling at him to quote 'Get the hell out!' Yup, bad timing Max, horrible timing.
"Hey! What was that for?" he asked but didn't really need to be told, being smart enough to put two and two together. He looked around... saw Enrique, a half naked Britney and a freaked-out looking me. "Right...she knows. I'm gone." he retreated back into the kitchen, where a 'So what's happening?' was asked by my other brothers, and then a simple 'She knows,' response from Max.
Wow they all knew…either I'm really dumb or he was trying really hard to hide it - which he obviously wasn't considering the way I just found out. So I'll go with option one…I am dumb beyond comprehension. "So, everyone in the family knew... Who else did you tell?" I wouldn't really be surprise if the whole world found out before me.
"It doesn't matter, I'm just really so-"
"Who else knows?" I asked again impatiently. Don't try to avoid my questions, for once he is going to listen to me whether he likes it or not!
"Umm...I'd say about the whole school." Wow, close enough to the whole world, it's my whole world.
I nodded, trying to stay calm but I really could feel the anger rushing through me. I was shaking, the anger was so bad. Have you ever felt that everything around you was just a dream? Like it's so horrible, so terrifying, that it could never be reality in your mind? And there's just that second when it really hits you, you realize, it real, it happening and you lose it completely. Well that's about to happen… "You tell the whole school before you'd tell me. I know we're not exactly close or whatever, but I'd think in a situation like this you'd take the time to tell me."
He didn't have a response to what I had said. He thought for a while and all he could come up with was, "I'm sorry..."
And so it's happened, reality hit and it hurt, so bad I found it hard to breathe and then things…not very nice things… started coming out of my mouth. "Save it, you aren't sorry 'cause you never gave a damn about me. I doubt you even really care about how I'd feel when you got into this...relationship." I just kept yelling and yelling...at that point. I couldn't stop. At this point everyone should have taken one gigantic step back, bought themselves some earplugs, and hope they're ear drums didn't burst. My anger had complete control and I swear I was going to pick up something and just bash their heads in. I kept stepping closer almost as if I was going to attack soon. Even with all this yelling I was still bottling some of it, taking off some frustration on my own hand. I held one hand in the other, griping on it tight, trying to stop the twitching but it wasn't helping. My incessant yelling and swearing kept going and going till three fatal words finally escaped my month. "I HATE YOU!" then nothing, I had nothing more to say to him. I saw sudden hurt flash over his face for just a second, but I didn't care, though I knew I'd regret those words later. But what was said was said, you can never really take back the words you say, they do the damage the moment they exit your mouth.
You know I've yelled at my brothers so many times….but I've never actually said what was bothering me. I'd yell telling them to 'shut up' and to 'go away' but this is the first time I've said anything beyond that. First time I've said how I felt and why.
There was silence now; all that was heard was my loud angered breathing. In and out, in and out.
My other brothers rushed in, as they seemed to have been listening to the whole thing from the other side of the door. The moment they entered they felt the immense tension in the room.
"Cecilia…don't you think that's a little harsh…. Those are some strong words… Maybe you just need to sit down for a sec." Rei put his hand on my shoulder, trying to guide me to the infected-germ-filled couch.
"Don't… touch… me. Don't fucking touch me!" I pushed his hand away. "He does this...and I'm wrong? I'm wrong! Can't you ever just take my side? …but then again why would any of you ever do that? I don't matter… I don't fucking matter to any of you, I never have, so don't come in and try to be all helpful and act like you suddenly care!" I stormed out of the house, the front door slammed shut with a loud 'bang' leaving the walls and the floors shaking.
3rd P.O.V
"I think you should get going now Britney," Tala said.
She nodded without protest, though she wasn't showing it, she was jumping for joy on the inside. She didn't mind having to leave, she had accomplished what she had come here for today. She made Cecilia hurt, she broke up the peace in the household, she only wondered how she could make the situation even worst when school came around tomorrow.
The silence continued once Britney left. No one really had anything to say for a while. Time passed...over an hour though they had moved around, no one had said a word or so much as made a sound. She really thought they didn't care, and she couldn't be anymore wrong. They cared too much, too much for her good and their own.
"Should we follow her?" Max finally asked, realizing the amount of time that had past and she still hadn't returned. The question was more directed to Tala then anyone else but Enrique decided to answer.
"No." he replied with a hint of something in his voice- anger or hurt or a mix of both, no one was sure but there was definitely something there that wasn't usually present in this care-free-Blondie.. "She'll come back when she's ready."
"We don't know that, never quite seen her that mad. Don't know what she'll do. Maybe we should go after her... or maybe you should go... since you know...-" Rei began to suggest.
"Yes, I know okay? I screwed up! I. Screwed. Up. I get it. But why should I bother going after her?...she hates me." those words were eating at him. It was really unsettling to know that your sister hates you. He despised himself for hurting her, it was the last thing he would ever want to do...but like he had said, he screwed up. All this… stuff with Britney it all just sort of happened and he didn't know what to do now. And thinking about it was making him even more upset till he couldn't stand having people around him judging him. He knew they were judging him, they had warned him, told him to stay away from Britney but he wouldn't listen, he was too stubborn and now he regretted it. He needed to be alone…he needed to vent. "I'm going to bed…." And before anyone could stop him he was out of the room and heading up the stairs.
"I just thought...he'd like to talk to her because…well-"
"It's fine, just leave him. He needs to cool off." Tala toke control as usual.
"What do we do about Cecilia? We can't just leave her out there…it's getting dark…and well she's not exactly the most street smart person…" Max commented.
"I'll go, you guys just wait here, see if she comes back on her own." Tala grabbed his car keys and left, eager to go.
The rest of them tried to go back to normal, but it just wasn't going to happen. She had no clue how much her words affected them. She was so clueless.
Normal P.O.V.
I had no clue where I was or where I was headed but right now it just seems that anywhere but home was good.
Why was this affecting me so much? It wasn't like me and Enrique were close. It's not like we really even talked, not like we really knew each other. Maybe it was just the fact that it was Britney of all people or it was because he lied and didn't tell me...whatever it was, it was making my blood boil and all I really wanted to do was punch the hell out of something.
This wasn't one of those times where I just got really sad and said something like 'I just wish someone would come along and shoot me' it's more like 'I just wish I had a gun so I can go out and shoot someone.' and that someone would most likely be Britney...then maybe Enrique... but I'd really only have to get rid of one of them. It's just something that gets to me when I picture him and Britney together ...it just…just… makes me- urg! SOO frustrated!
But now that I think about it...it was sort of really, really…obvious...Enrique was on MSN a lot...and whenever I so much as walked passed the monitor he would close the convo box. When the phone rang, he'd be the first one up to get it. Usually they all sat around 'til I got it cause the ringing annoyed me the most. And there was that girl that asked for Enrique and now that I think about, she sounded awfully like Britney. All the clues were there...I am really that stupid…. And possibly blind. Everyday there's more reasons to why I am the biggest loser on the face of the universe.
My feet started to hurt again so I toke a seat in a dark dirty alleyway nearby. Curled up against the wall, I thought everything over and over, till it felt like my brain was going to explode, and even then I still couldn't turn off my brain. Slowly I was calming down...slowly going from anger to depression. Not that great of a change…
I'm never going home again. I don't want to see Enrique's stupid face ever again. And I don't want to go back to school, it'll be so weird seeing Britney because I know when I see her, I won't be able to be mad, like I'll be mad on the inside but I'll still be acting nice to her, like I always do. I just can't help it.
I sighed, leaning more comfortably against the dirty brick walls... I really feel like crying right now. My chest was weird, it felt…empty, right where my heart was supposed to be. This weird feeling was spreading throughout my body. My eyes were watering up… It was one of those times where I seriously think I've hit my limits, anymore and I swear I'm going to kill myself.
Heh, suicide. I've thought about it so much over the years. I've spent a lot of my days thinking about ways to end my life. Sometimes when I'm alone and I'm just sitting there in the kitchen I'd say to myself, the knife is right there. One good cut through the neck could end it all. Couple cuts across the wrist, supposedly painless, all you do is slowly feel yourself slip away, and it could all be over. Take all those sleeping pill, hop into the tub, and just wait. Put a plastic bag over my head...and go to bed. Tie a cable to the ceiling, attach it to my neck, kick away the stool, and just die. If you think about it all the things you need to kill yourself is all conveniently located in the kitchen. So many ways of doing it, so many ways I've thought through over and over but never had the courage to actually do. I've ask God to give me the courage but God doesn't exactly listen to me.
Most days just really seem all the same, they never seem to change…but when they do I never deal with it very well…mainly because change has always been something negative in my life. There are so many ways it could change for the better but it just chooses not to. When I was small I was happy… probably the happiest kid in the world…then something changed, I don't know one day I woke up and life seemed empty, like something…or somebody was missing and everything just seemed like….nothing. There was this void. I had nothing….nothing to gain, nothing to lose. And from that day on I started to die on the inside. At first I could hide it, I continued my days with a smile and laughs and I made stupid comments that made people laugh… but as the days went on that became harder and harder, that hole, that void keep growing bigger, devouring me into it 'till one day I just couldn't smile all the time, I couldn't laugh, I wasn't that little girl anymore. I had lost myself, and even today I'm still losing what's left of who I am…or was. One day I'll just be an empty shell, one of those apathetic people that don't say a word. It's not like I want to change into that, but I can't exactly stop it either.
The thing is it could have been stopped, if someone had helped, if someone had noticed before it was too late….but whatever, it doesn't matter because now it is too late and I can't be saved.
Random thought: Reassurance is a great thing. It's probably what everyone in the world needs, and if everyone got it everyone in the world would be happy, that would be a perfect world, but unfortunately we all live in an imperfect world, where only the lucky get to know for sure that someone will always be there for them, to catch them when they fall, to help them when they're down, someone who will watch over them forever.
Okay…I can really tell I'm starting to come back to what's normal…for me. I can tell because I just noticed that it's really dark and scary in this alley!...and I think something's staring at me from those bags of garbage over there! I can't move…I can't move…my body won't move...talk about scared stiff! I heard a loud screeching growl and piercing eyes…one golden…the other green-ish? What the hell? Is that possible in humans? Maybe it's not human…maybe…it's some sort of huge mutated rat monster!...okay now I definitely know I'm back, the stupid, paranoid me has returned home. Welcome back.
"Umm…nice mutant-..uh…I mean…whatever you are…uhhh…yeeeah, you don't want to hurt me…."
Another growl was heard.
"Uhh…I'm not sure what that means….but I'm trying to leave…" if only my damn feet would get moving!
"Can I join in on this conversation to yourself?"
"T-tala!"
"Is this what you do when others aren't around? Do you have an imaginary friend I've never been informed of?"
"I wasn't talking to myself! There's some sort of mutant rat over there!" I pointed to the stack of garbage. Ohhh, so now my body decides to respond! I could have been killed! Stupid body!
Tala looked at me, then at the pair of eyes staring at us…then at me…then at it. Finally he walked over to the pile of junk and leaned over picking something up. "Mutant rat huh?...I'm pretty sure most people call this a cat…a starving cat at that…"
It was a kitty!...a black, pure black one…kind of dirty looking, but what would one expect? It's a stray.
Tala came over to where I was sitting, holding the little cat that wasn't even struggling against him, in fact it was now purring affectionately.
"Can I sit?"
"It's a free world."
He sat down. "Were you having fun sitting here on your own?"
I shrugged. "Better then home."
"Britney's gone."
"And that fixes what? The damage has been done."… Damage… I wasn't sure if I was talking about what Enrique had done to me…or what I had said to him…
"He screwed up…everyone screws up at some point."
I sighed; don't want to talk about it. Change of subject… "What are you doing here?"
"I was going for a walk when I passed by this alley and saw this crazed girl talking to herself…when I noticed it was my sister, and had to come by and bring her home before anyone figured out I was related to a lunatic."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"It was a joke…"
"I'm laughing on the inside."
"What do you think I'm doing here?" he asked as if it was the most obvious thing, well if it was I wasn't seeing it. To mock me? To kick me while I was down? I don't know.
I shrugged.
"Wouldn't you rather be sitting on you're warm bed right now instead of sitting here in a dirty alley, getting scared of harmless cats."
"No actually I wouldn't cause at least the cats won't stab me in the back."
There was a silence, and I started to put the little kitty that had fallen asleep in Tala's arms.
"You remember when you were small, and I used to carry you everywhere on my back?" he said randomly.
"No." I answered kinda harshly. I seriously didn't though, I didn't remember much from before I was six, except that that was around then time I lost the happy-go-lucky thing.
"Hn, alright." He nodded. Sometimes he'd ask me the most random questions just like that, every time I'd give him the exact same answer.
-------Tala's P.O.V.-------
"You remember when you were small, and I used to carry you everywhere on my back?" I asked as the memory of that played over in my head. Her laughter…I would do anything to hear her laughter again…
"No." she answered, giving me the same answer she always gives.
"Hn, alright." I nodded, not explaining why I had asked, I'm not allow to…not allowed to mention anything that far back in the past…but sometimes when it's just me and her I ask, just to see if she's remembered anything….but she hasn't and I'm beginning to think she never will.
I always try to avoid being alone with her because if I do I'll probably end up telling her everything and that wouldn't be good. I want her to remember yet I don't. If she remembers it will tear her apart…but I'll be there to pick up the pieces…we'd all be there to put her back together. But it would cause her too much pain, and it isn't worth it just because I want her to remember how much I love her, how much I toke care of her when she was small. If I was allowed to, I'd show her that I do care… (Untala-like so OOC seeming but hey, no one really knows what goes on in his mind so ha!)
-------Normal P.O.V.-------
Tala's always been so carefree looking, so indifferent, so unemotional…like he really doesn't care about anything. He's silent and doesn't talk much but not in the Johnny way, he's not grouchy, it's just like he likes to observe more then talk. Yet there were times, like this, where he seemed to be concerned about something really important. I always wondered what could cause him to think so hard. But I guess I'll never truly know.
I guess if I really had to chose, Tala would be my favorite brother. He treats me the same as the rest of them do, but sometimes when we're alone…he's eyes don't seem as distant as it usually does with me...and I don't know…it's different when we're alone, but he usually avoids being alone with me. When it's just me and him in a room at home, he always leaves or calls someone in. At first I obsessed over the fact that he did that. I wanted to know why…but then after a while I just labeled it under the fact that he simply didn't like me and left it at that.
I sat there tapping my fingers on my lap. Things didn't seem so scary with Tala there. I didn't notice the darkness of the alley or the creepy noises coming from every direction…okay so I do notice but it didn't bug me all that much.
"Cecilia?"
"What?" I turned only to find myself in Tala's arms. Oooookay! Ummm….this is beyond creepy. "Are you drunk?...Dying maybe?" I'm totally serious….is he dying?...am I dying! Someone has to be dying!
He let go, rolling his eyes at my question, obviously deciding to ignore it. "Let's go home."
"Wait- but-…What the hell was that!"
"I don't know what you're talking about. You coming or not?"
"Umm…uhhh…yeah?" I answered, clearly still confused.
"Get up then."
"…wait…what about… the cat?" I watched it sleeping peacefully, purring a little.
"What about it?"
"What's going to happen to it?" Jeeez, don't answer my question with a question!
He shrugged, "Put it back where we found it."
"No we can't do that!
"What other option is there?"
"Can we…keep it?"
"Who's going to take of it?"
"Uhh…me?"
"You can barely take care of yourself." And so he's back, with the stupid 'You can't do this and that.' What can I do in his eyes?
"I'm still alive so I think I do a fine job taking care of myself!"
"Fine, but if it dies it's your problem." He said rather rudely, in my opinion, and then placed the sleepy little kitty in my hands.
When we got home everyone was totally normal; noisy, sloppy, lying around. I feel so missed. Tala joined the others (minus Enrique) in the living room, taking up most of the space on the couch, forcing Rei to have to move to the floor next to Tyson who laid there surround by food. They were getting ready to watch a movie which they did on days they didn't feel like going out.
Well this is the point where I go to bed. "Night people."
"Wait… come wait the movie." Max invited me…suspicious, very suspicious.
"Am I dying or something?"
"What?"
"Do I have some illness I am unaware of that will eventually lead to my demise so you guys have decided to be nice to me before I die?"
"Shut up and sit down. It's not hard." Well you can guess who said that…Johnny, temper, temper.
"…umm...okaaaay…if you insist." Jeez, what the hell is the world coming to? They want me around now?
Max got off the couch, making room for me. The order in which we sat went Blue-boy, Tala. Me, Johnny's feet, then Johnny. "Is this a trick?... Is something going to blow up in my face soon?"
"Do you have to ask so many questions? Is it too much for you to just sit there and watch the damn movie?"
"Okay, you don't have to be so mean about it."
I sat there as the movie played…you know for a horror movie this doesn't seem all that scary….but usually these things only scare me once I'm alone and my brain decides it's time to play tricks on me. The others seem to be enjoying it though… hey, what's there not to enjoy? There's blood, and screaming, and freaky music playing. Who wouldn't be loving this?
Yawn….screaming…lady….yawn…. blood spatter...my eyes started to close, as my vision started to blur then blacken and my head tilted towards Rei who had switched places with Johnny, who complained about how jumpy I was each time something would pop onto the screen. I am not jumpy…he's just a…meanie! My head popped back up and my eyes opened again when I heard a loud scream from the TV for the fifty time… head falls off some person's body ...blurring vision again…shinny knife….then blacken….then nothing but the darkness…
-------Rei's P.O.V.-------
I watched her. She kept yawning, and rubbing her eyes as they closing as her head tilted towards me then she'd snap back awake. She did that a couple more times until finally her head hit my chest and rested there.
My twin…sometimes I forget that, that's what she is. I've had to act more like a stranger to her, we've all had to but this is how it has to be.
I didn't really get what had happened to her when I was small, she didn't even get what happened to herself at that time… and now she doesn't even remember that it happened. But even though she doesn't remember, it still took away her childhood, her innocence.
I wish everyday we could have protected her back then, if I had just stayed with her just a little longer that day… it may not have happened. Her life may not have been turned upside down. On that day I promised to protect her forever…but as she gets older that seems to only get harder. She's isolated, that causes her pain …and that's our fault.
Yes, so for once I decided to leave her in a happy mood….or close enough to one:D
Tala:…u made me… u made me…
Kind? Sweet? Nice? Yes, yes I did! And I like u that way!
Tala:.. it's unrealistic! That's making me out of character u idiot!
No it isn't…if u had a sister I bet u'd be that sweet and nice!
Tala: …no I wouldn't.
Scratch that I bet u think like that already! -whispers- he's just to embaressed to admit he's a softy on the inside.
Tala:…no I'm not!
Well…well. It's my story! And I can portray you any way I want to and if u don't like it then…then u can just….just…-turning red from anger-
Tala:…just what? -feeling unease- -cough- SCARED! -cough-
Ah! I can't do it!...Can't b mean to you! I tried…but can't! I'm a failure! A failure I tell u!
Tala:…u'r an idiot! An idiot I tell u!
…see even Tally's mocking me! -cries- R&R and make me feel better? -puppy dog eyes-
Tala:…she just wants attention…-.-'
Haha, yeeeah, I sorta do:D