Chapter 9
I leapt into the shower the second I got home. I smelled so bad, kinda like fish but rotten. It was terrible. I pulled on some khakis and a pink polo. I'm on my way to Gabi's, and I don't really feel so happy. Actually, I'm kind of scared. I don't know how it's going to go with Gabriella. I really want to ask her about her cutting, but how do I do it? I mean I can't just say, "Hey! How does it feel to slice yourself up?" I'm worried to death about her and I still don't understand why she would do that. Doesn't it hurt?
I pulled into her driveway and got out of the car. Here we go. I walked up and knocked on the door. Gabi answered and she looked terrible. Her eyes were bloodshot with icky bags under them.
"Gabi!" I said and pulled her into a hug.
"Hi, Troy." She said still sticking to me.
"Do you wanna go out for a walk?" I asked her. Maybe we could talk in the fresh air.
"Yeah. That would be great." She sounded so glum. I spun her around and took her hand.
"Well then lets go!" We walked hand in hand to the end of her street with out a word shared between us. Come on, Troy. It can't be that hard. Just ask her about it. OK, talking to myself isn't gonna help me here. I don't think I can ask her. I got to. Oh this is HARD!
"Where we going?" She asked. Finally some conversation.
"I was thinking we could go over by my house, get Minnie, and then go to the park. Sound good?" It sounded pretty good for me.
"Yeah, that sounds like fun. I haven't played with your dog in so long." Gabriella looked pleased. "Wanna race?" she shouted already running ahead of me.
My house isn't that far from hers so we ran all the way there. Surprisingly, Gabi beat me. I was really trying too.
"Ha!" my girlfriend yelled, "I beat you! I beat you!"
"Yes, you did. Did you ever think of being on the track team?" I asked pleased to have a conversation between us, even if we were panting like an overweight dog who's just ran like a half mile.
"No, I haven't really thought about sports. I kinda focus on my academics. You know what I mean."
"You should really do some sports. Remember that one time when we were in the gym and you made that basket? Then my dad was all like this is a closed practice and you need to leave." I guess my face sunk when I said "my dad" because Gabi was hugging me.
"Yeah, I remember."
"I need to go get Minnie. You wanna come inside?" I invited.
"Sure." I held her hand as we walked through the door. My dad was lying sprawled out on the kitchen floor.
"Troy!" Gabi yelled. She started crying.
"MOM! MOM!" I screamed. I heard running down the stairs. I ran over to my dad and left Gabi standing there crying.
"What Troy? Is everything all right? What's all the holler?" she asked, then she saw Gabi crying and looked over at me. "Oh my. Gabi, call 911 now!"
Gabriella was so flustered, I could tell. But she ran over to the phone and called 911. I am so proud of her. I just sat by my dad spewing of answers to the numerous questions my mom was asking me. I was scared out of my little mind.
"They're on their way." Gabi called from the phone. She hung it up and ran over by us. "Is there anything else I can do, Mrs. Bolton?"
My mom just started to cry. I pulled her into a hug and grabbed Gabi too. The three of us sat there, in warm embrace, until the ambulance got here. We heard the loud sirens from up the street. All of the sudden paramedics burst through the door. They, there were three, came over and told us to go stand at a distance.
"Pressure?" I heard one ask. Other than that, they talked in such a low voice it was hard to comprehend. I couldn't stand it.
"You know you don't have to whisper. I love my dad so much I deserve to know what's going on. You can tell us. We wont flip out." I called out. I counted backwards from ten in my head breathing steadily. An older guy came over to us and asked a heck of a lot of questions.
"Had he had anything to eat today?"
"Had he been drinking the day before?"
"Was he having a stressful day?"
All of these questions and none really affected me. All except for one. "Any medical issues or concerns?"
"Yeah," my mum said, "Cancer."
"I'm sorry to hear that." The man said. I'm sick of those words. That's all I've heard for the last day. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Well I'm sick and sad and confused all in one! The man just raddled on about the hospital papers and stuff. I needed to get away.
"Mom?" I interrupted. "Can Gabi and I still go on our walk. I'll meet you at the hospital in a couple of hours."
"Yeah, Troy. Go ahead." I took my girlfriends hand, grabbed Minnie's leash along with Minnie, and walked out the door. I had Minnie hooked up in seconds and we were strollin'. It was pretty much a quiet walk until we arrived at the dog park.
"Are you hungry?" I asked Gabi, pointing to the hotdog stand.
"Starved." She replied rubbing her tummy. I took out my wallet and bought us two hotdogs. I brought them over to her and we sat down on a long cement ledge.
"How's that?" I asked her.
"Mmm, It's delicious." Gabi declared practically shoving the hotdog down her throat. I guess she was hungry. That's when I saw it. Her arms that is. When she brought her hands up to eat her hotdog her sleeves dropped down a bit and I got a shocking look at her long, pink, scars. I couldn't help it. I grabbed her arm and pulled her sleeve up.
"Wow." I said thinking out loud.
"Yeah." She told me looking kind of ashamed. I was surprised she didn't try to pull away. I guess she figured I already knew about her cutting why not see the effects?
"You did that?" I asked perplexed.
"Yeah." She looked away. I worked up my courage to ask a question I've been dying to ask.
"Did it hurt? I mean what did it feel like?"
"Troy, I don't really know. It didn't hurt, but it did. I don't really know how to explain it. Can we not talk about it?"
"OK." I guess she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with me. It's all right, I guess. "I think we better head back to your house. I need to be at the hospital pretty soon."
"Sure." She got up and took my hotdog wrapper to throw away. When she got back, I had already gotten Minnie and was ready to go.
"Ready Freddy?" I asked her. I had a quick flash back.
My dad and I were going to go hiking. I think I was five.
"Ready Freddy?" My dad asked.
"Who's Freddy?" I asked him, obviously out of the loop on the whole sarcasm thing. My dad burst out laughing. I actually started crying, because I thought he was laughing at me.
"Yeah, I'm ready. Lets go!" Gabriella said. The walk home was just as quiet as the walk there. Once we got to Gabi's place I walked her up to the door.
"Bye, Gabriella." I pulled away a long strand of hair covering her eyes and kissed her.
"Bye, Troy." She said and turned away to walk into her house. I turned around and hopped into the car with Minnie.
When I got home I ran upstairs. I had to read my bible. Somehow I felt really calm and peaceful when I did. Like nothing else mattered. I read John 14 & 15. I'm trying to read the whole new testament. One verse just stuck in my head as I reflected on what I had read.
John 14:6 says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
For some reason it just stuck. I knew I had to give my life to Jesus to have eternal life. I knew He could make my life better. I had read in books and heard from other people that if you invite Jesus into your life by asking Him to forgive your sins and come into your heart He will. I have decided that I cannot handle this all on my own. I need help. Doesn't everyone? Well, not everyone finds God. I decided to, that very night (May 6), ask Jesus to take over my life. I called Him into my heart and I feel so much better now.
From Underneath I wanted you
To see the first thing that I ever poured my heart into
You'll never know the pain that I've been through
I'm not so sure you'll ever know
And so I'll make you understand the words that built my life
Were not from you, but from my father's hand
Do you remember that cold day in December
Leaving everything you knew behind
I may never know how it feels to stand beside you
Or take your hand when I need some direction
And I may never know what it's like to see you smile back at me
Or know you'd be proud of me
From underneath I promise to erase the past
And let my heart forgive the former you
Replace the dark of old and start brand new
I never thought I'd see the day
I walk toward the end of life and turn the other way
I'm reaching out to take my Father's hand
Do you remember that cold day in December
Leaving everything you knew behind
I may never know how it feels to stand beside you
Or take your hand when I need some direction
And I may never know what it's like to see you smile back at me
Or know you'd be proud of me
A/N: How'd you like the chapter? Thanks for all the reviews! This song was called "From Underneath" by Hawk Nelson.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I dedicate THIS chapter to my best friend, Brenda. I think she knows why. Well I can think of at least 3 reasons. :)
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