MERRY WHATEVER-IT-IS-THAT-YOU-CELEBRATE:D (and for those that don't celebrate anything…then I just wish u happiness!)Yes, I do realize I said that I would update like two weeks ago…but well…I know it's no excuse but I was actually busy…not busy-busy-running-in-every-direction-like-a-mad-women kind of busy. Just had stuff to do…for once. I don't like having things to do…I like doing nothing during the weekends. It's fun! …Well anyway I got around to it didn't I:P
Tis the season to be happy!...mainly just because there's no school…
Disclaimer: I do not own that which I have not claimed to own in the past, in the future or now.
Chapter 13 – Most Memories Are Best Forgotten
I sighed; I had missed so much in school, all my courses have moved onto a different unit that's the bad part about having a semestered year, things move much quicker. What sucks even more is that I missed tests so I'll have double the usual amount to make up for them.
School life is so screwed up now, not that it wasn't to begin with. People know me, like know my name and all that junk, I exist to them now but it's so incredibly stupid. I'm popular for being a loser and a slut…which is both interesting and highly idiotic.
You know what I wish? I wish I was a guy. Okay, I'm not a transvestite or a lesbian, not that there's any problem with people that are like that, it just that guys don't seem to pick on people as much, well at least no guy has ever come near me or made fun of me, besides my screwed up stalker maniac. They all don't seem to notice me and that's sort of better then being picked on, right? I don't know I'm just getting kind of sick of this, getting used to it but still sick of it.
I still can't make peace with Britney, I can't even get near her actually, she's back with the popular group but it's not exactly the same. She's not on the top of the food chain in fact I think she's worst off then me, she's like their lackey, only existing to do things for them and to get made fun of. I can't believe it's the same Britney that used to seem so strong and unbreakable. I did that to her…I broke her and I'm sorry, so sorry. How do you fix something like this? How do you make things right again?
I don't know…I really feel like I have to make it right with her…I need a second chance…but then again I don't really even believe in second chances. Giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second chance to stab you in the back and I'm not quite that stupid yet and I guess she isn't either.
Oh god! I was trying to hold it in…but his damn name…I know you know who I'm talking about…and if you don't…when have you been? Really?
Kai…Kai! KaiKaiKai! Every five damn fucking seconds I swear his stupid name pops into my stupid brain. I mean I tried to occupy my mind with other things that usually start me on a rant but it's not working because I just end up ranting about him. Not even the horrors of double the tests are bad enough to get him out.
Damn him. I can't stop playing it over, it's like a broken record, over and over it won't stop! Why won't you stop? I banged my head against the table. Stooop, please stoooop!
It's strange though, my brain's not playing over the part I thought it would, like the part where I moved in then when my brain shut down after that thing happened where both our lips touched- I don't even want to say the word- and I swear I looked like a complete dope. Instead of that what I keep seeing are his eyes…they were so…different looking. I can't get them out of my mind. Those eyes…they were so comforting, so familiar. They were so mesmerizing; they made me forget about everything for that spilt second where I seemed to lose control of my senses, especially my sense of reason.
His lips…they were so soft…He left so…good?...warm. I don't know. Okay, just shut up, every girl gets to obsessed over their first kiss just a little bit, right?
It did feel…uh…nice though. My god, even just thinking it to myself is making me blush like hell.
How am I ever going to get over this?
"Excuse me Miss but you're going to have to leave. We need to clean the cafeteria now." A voice startled me out of my thoughts.
I looked around. The whole place was deserted. It was just me and the janitor. "What?"
"Lunch is over, has been for a while. I need to clean you have to leave."
"Lunch…over?" I asked. That can't be I just sat down…I couldn't have been thinking about him for that long…could I have been?
"Yes, do you not understand English or something?" he asked getting a little impatient.
"Oh…umm, sorry." I said quickly picking up my bag and tray which was still filled with food all untouched besides the pudding which I was playing around with but none actually made its way into my mouth. I dumped all of it into the trash, what a waste but I couldn't really do anything with it now.
I wandered through the halls going to my next class…
I wonder what he's doing now. Lying in bed probably sick out of him mind…ha, kind of funny I can picture him with his messed up hair…
I have to stop doing this, I'm just torturing myself. Wasn't I trying to get somewhere? I'm in school; shouldn't I be in a class right now? Damn so late.
What class do I have right now anyway? What period is it? I seriously can't remember. I'm losing it…
I sat in my last period class, English, as spaced out as I've been the rest of the day.
He was silent the whole time. He didn't say a word the whole time… Why? No explanation, no nothing he just did it…and left.
I wonder what would have happened if I didn't wake up…I should have just kept my eyes close. Why didn't I? Why? Why? Why! Why do I have so many questions and so few answers?
"Cecilia? Are you paying attention?... Cecilia!"
"Huh?...ummm, sorry, what was the question?"
"You need to start paying attention." She told me then started to address the whole class. "You know exams aren't quite as far off as you all like to believe. It's already the 22nd of November. That's less then two months which may seem like a lot to you right now but with all the material will still have to cover that's hardly anytime at all…" she seemed to be on a roll as her speech about how important it was to pay attention continued on for a good five minutes or so but she had already lost me long before that.
All I heard was that it was the 22nd of November. Wow, tomorrow's my birthday, if she hadn't told me the date I probably would have missed my own birthday, sounds so much like something that could and would only happen to me. Heh, not that it matters, my birthday is just like any other day in my life except lonelier. It's not really that important and I haven't really celebrated it in a long while. I've spent most of my birthdays alone watching TV in the dark and I expect that to change so I just try not to get my hopes up anymore.
Okay so I admit the first couple time I was a little sad…okay not a little, not even a lot, I was devastated but then slowly I got over it, I sort of look forward to it now. Just me and my bestest friend, the TV, because there's never anyone around. Not a single soul in sight, in fact I don't ever really see them the whole day and they come back late at night when I'm already asleep. What's so bad about that? I mean it's only the day I came into this world, my first day of life, why should anyone make a big deal out of it?
Okay, so really I shouldn't feel all that bad because it's not like we celebrate Rei's birthday either. Actually I think Rei hates our birthday. In the few seconds I've seen him on our birthday over the years, he's always been so grouchy and irritable. He seems so anger and almost a little sad for whatever reason. Oh well, he must not like sharing it with me.
Hey you know what I just thought of? Maybe Kai's just like my brothers, I mean he does hang around with them so maybe he's exactly like them and just likes girls and goes around kissing everyone. So there is no meaning to it so I can stop analyzing and thinking about every little aspect of that…kiss because there's just nothing to it, he's just a conniving jerk that likes to kiss girls. I can live with that because it'd be like something natural to him so maybe he won't even bring it up, hell maybe once he kisses someone he leaves them alone for good. That's even better! I can totally live with that.
…I did it again, didn't I? I started talking about him again…I can't help it!
Slowly I returned home after a long and rough day of stares, laughter, and looks of disgust. Why's that so Déjà vu? When will these people get their own lives and stop worrying and gossiping about me? I mean seriously, I don't know you, you don't know me so why the hell are you talking about me!
It's not just the talking…there's also the pushing…I don't want to get into it but after school there was some pushing involved…and a nice big pile of mud. Guess Carol wasn't kidding about that suffering both mentally and physically thing.
And even with that problem…there's still one event that ranks above it in my head…ahhh, okay, a nice long bath when I get home should and hopefully will clear my mind of…well everything.
As I sat in the tub of hot water, soft calming music played in the background. Relaxing, I could just fall asleep right here and now. I tilted my head back so that it rested against the pale orange tiles. Peace and quiet, just my soft music playing and not to mention an undisturbed washroom all to myself. A rare luxury on a late weekday afternoon.
Sort of makes me wonder what the hell everyone else is doing? But anyways it was too good to last and so it simply didn't.
"Hurry up in there." Johnny's oh so pleasant voice came along with a couple knocks at the door.
I sighed, so much for a long relaxing bath.
"Alright. Alright, I'm getting out." That's more like it; it wouldn't make much sense if no one rushed me out so they could get in.
"You better, we're leaving soon."
Leaving?...we're? What kind of psycho alternate universe have I entered?
"Where're we," it even felt weird to say…we… "going?" but it was too late, I had taken too long to reply and he had already left. He was never a patient man as we should all know by now.
Looks like I'll have to actually get up to figure out whether I heard him right and whether or not I'm in the right house. I got up and wrapped a robe around myself.
I stepped downstairs to see that everyone, including my mom and dad who I thought were working today like they've done everyday of my life, stood there all dressed and ready to go.
Riiight, so I didn't hear him wrong.
I'm in the wrong house aren't I? One that looks exactly like mine but where there's an actual family where the people actually spend time together.
"I thought I told you we were leaving soon, unless you plan coming in that."
"Riiight," I looked at him strangely. "What you fail to tell me was where we're all going…together."
"We're going to visit Kai." My mom filled me in.
"K-kai?.." I shuddered. "Uhh…why exactly?"
"Well, you know, he's sick."
"Isn't that a reason to stay away from him?" Him being sick was supposed to be a good thing! It was suppose to get me out of seeing him today! But now I have to go to his house? I don't think I'll survive if I go…no…no I won't. I rather do something else…anything else! Tell me to do chores, make dinner, do the laundry, clean the house...hell I'd even go clean Carol's house! Don't make me go!
"Well he lives all alone we don't want him to have to take care of himself while he's sick." You had no problem leaving me alone, except for the occasional visit from Johnny but we all know that's no much company.
"Lives…alone? What about his parents?" I didn't know this…did you know this? Why am I the last to know everything? Why do I never know anything?...don't answer that last question.
"Question after question. God, do you ever shut up?" Johnny cut in, and I'd say rather rudely wouldn't you?
"Come on Cecilia. Enough talk, get dressed and then we can all be off. I have to get back to the office soon." my dad rushed me.
My parents were actually taking time off to go visit him? I don't get it, why's he so special? Is he like secretly they're long lost son?...wait that would make him my brother…which would mean I kissed my brother…eww, okay I'm going to stop thinking about this before it makes me throw up.
"Uhh…ummm…yeah. I don't think I'm going…send him my best wishes though…and I'll be here when you all get back…"
"We're all going Cecilia…it'll be like a nice…short family outing. As a family we should spend more time together." My mom insisted. And since when did she care about doing things together?
"But I don't think he'll really notice if I'm not there…and I do…got…a lot of…homework?" It's true, I do it's just not the reason why I want to stay home.
"The sooner we get there the sooner we can leave and get back here so you can do your precise homework." Rei mocked.
I scowled at him.
"We won't be long, you can do it when we get back or if you really have a lot bring it with you and you can work on it there. Get dress-"
"No," I interrupted. "but.."
"But nothing. Now!" we I can tell she got tired of discussing it with me. By the sound of her voice there's no way out of this. She's already made up her mind and what she says always goes.
Didn't I wish for this once? For this family to spend more time together?...another wish twistedly granted. I've got to be more careful what I wish for.
After I got dressed and hulled my bag down the stairs we got into two different cars. The drive seemed really long. Where exactly in hell were we going?
We stuck to the main roads for some time before we turned into a small street. I wonder what his house is like…or if he even lives in a house. How could he afford it? I wonder where his parents are. Maybe he's family is like Britney's and travel a lot without him.
As we continued to turn into other small streets it become clear that he didn't live in any broken down apartment as there were only houses around and as we kept going the houses kept getting bigger and bigger. Till finally we reached a ummm…house?…or palace as I would call it. So many windows, so wide and so tall.
He has security guards crawling all over the outside of the gates and cameras…Okay starting to wonder if he's like a prince of a small country somewhere…or maybe a large country? A very…very…large country with vast resources….and houses made of gold, where even the homeless are well attired and don't smell…where there is no garbage on the grounds and everything is just freakishly clean…and well pretty.
I'm not sure if we're even in the same town…if we are…I never knew these huge houses existed….and I've only lived here since…uhhh…I fell out of my mom's stomach?
How he affords this?…I will probably never know. He'd have to be crazy to spent time at our little dinky old house instead of this …this paradise. I wish I lived here! The privacy I'd get, how I wish.
Once we were 'cleared' by the security and their…ahem…metal detectors we were finally allowed to enter the quote 'premises.' I seriously thought I was going in to visit the president or a very nice jail.
"Are you sure we're in the right place?" I asked as we were about to enter the umm…'house.'
"Yes, your brother's car is park right over there," my mom said. I looked over and there is was and it was empty so they all had to go somewhere hence inside this castle. We had lost them almost immediately after we had left. That Tala sure loved to speed. I arrived with my mom, dad, and Rei.
I was about to press the little round button to signal the door bell or whatever but Rei just turn the knob and entered.
Figures, with all that security on the outside why would he need to lock his front door? Very logical.
The inside wasn't exactly what I had expected. Don't get me wrong it was huge as I expected, excellently decorated and totally glorious all together but with all the men outside I expected there to be an equal amount of people on the inside, like butlers and such but there was no one. The lights weren't even on. If I had just wondered in here randomly not knowing there was a sick boy lurking around somewhere in this place- or he should be somewhere- I would have thought it was deserted. It was well kept, clean but some things were gathering dust and the whole place seemed to be unused, unoccupied. There were covers over all the furniture like no one's used them in a long, long while.
"We'll start cooking, you two go up and see how Kai is." My mom said referring to herself and dad. She held a bag of what I'm now guessing is food in her hands, I wouldn't be surprised if the fridge…or fridges here were totally empty by the looks of this place. I suddenly get why he doesn't stay here much, seems lonely. "Here," she continued handing Rei a bag. "In the meantime tell him to eat these, they're just some fruits and stuff."
"Yeah, yeah." Rei said, not really interested in what she had to say.
He started up the stairs and I followed. He seemed to know exactly where he was going, turning at the appropriate places, knowing his way even though there was no lights on. It's creepy, did he have some sort of sixth sense?...or he's been here…and a lot.
This sure was a long trip. Why didn't he just use the room closely to the door? My back was starting to ache from the books I was hauling. Rei obviously saw that I was having trouble and I think purposely slowed down so I'd have to hold the thing longer and possibly break my back. Now I remember why I just love him so much. -.-
Finally we ventured down a hallway and I could see lights coming out of the room at the very end…lights and voices…very loud voices. Hello? Where were they're inside voices? Guess they didn't really need them inside these huge walls with no parents that occupy the space on the inside and therefore no rules.
"Are you joking?" what sounded like Max using a tone that was harsher then the one he usually used.
"Do I look like I joke?" him, it was Richie Rich's voice. Only he could be that cold.
"It's not going to happen." Johnny said quite sure of himself.
"She's remembering, you want her to remember in the middle of a street one day all alone?"
"What happened those many years ago is a big thing…we can't just spring it on her and I believe we had this discussion and decided we aren't going to…ever."
"You can't just ignore it."
"We can, we have been, and we will."
"Her?" I asked more to myself then anyone. "Who are they talking about?" It's like that other night...a while back when Rei kept yelling… Who's this girl they keep talking about? Why's she so important? Why's everyone so concerned? Even more questions! It's like the whole world is hiding something from me!
I looked over at Rei who seemed to have gone tense listening to them and then out of nowhere he let go of the bag and everything fell to the floor, scattering everywhere. It was odd, for a second it looked like he had done it on purpose…but then again that would be stupid.
Everyone stopped talking and rushed out to see Rei and me. It was so strange; everyone seemed to tense up, almost a little worried.
I looked at them all. "Gonna help us? Or just stand there?" I asked just to break the silence and weird bug-eyed staring but to my surprise they actually helped.
They picked everything up and then headed back into the room. I followed behind everyone. Something was fishy…something was definitely off. I just can't put my finger on it…
I stood on the outside of the room, looking around.
Everything was a really dark shade of blue that without light it just looked like black. The curtains were drawn shut and the lights dimmed, it was hard to se much in this room, all the corners of the room were covered in shadows. Someone really liked the dark. He laid in a huge dark blue bed and he didn't seem to be too happy being stuck in it. He was definitely brooding.
I guess with me around their intense conversation had come to an end. No one was saying anything so finally I stepped in, dropping my bag immediately as my shoulders couldn't take it anymore. It made a loud bang as it hit the floor and everyone turned to stared at me.
"…sorry..." I murmured, looking at the ground, mainly avoiding sick boy's eyes and hoping no one noticed that my face totally flushed when I saw his face.
After a couple minutes of awkward nothings, where I stood there playing with my feet and praying to god that dark boy wouldn't talk to me, I finally decided to speak again…well actually I wanted to speak quite a while ago but just managed to gather up a little strength now.
"Hey, uhh, I've got a lot of homework…so is there a room I could work…that has lights?" I asked, really, really, really and I mean really wanting to get the hell out of that room.
"Use the room next door." Tala said. I nodded, opening my bag and taking a couple books, taking the whole bag would require more strength then I have at the moment. I'm not even going to bother questing why exactly he knew what room was what.
I took them and practically ran out of that room and into the next one. You really have no clue how happy I was that I didn't have to actually speak to him. It was like a giant boulder had been lifted. Now all I have to do is never be alone or in the same room as him again and all will be hunky dory! It should be a cinch considering he's practically at every corner I turn, he's friends with my brothers and parents and he's made his second home in the house I currently live in. Contact with him in the future is unavoidable. Life is just….so great! …the real problem is that I don't even know if I was being sarcastic in the last sentence...
I opened the door in the next room and it creaked as I pushed it opened making me flinch. I quickly searched for the light switch and flipped the lights on before stepping a foot into the room. Okay so I have a fear of ghosts and that fear increases drastically in a huge foreign place like this that seems almost to be uninhabited perfect living grounds for ghosts.
This room was just as I had expected it to be: huge, certainly bigger then my room hell it was most likely bigger then the entire second floor, which either points out how extremely sad our house is or how incredibly big his is…It's a little bit of both I think.
There were sheets once again covering everything including the walls. I grabbed a sheet pulling it off revealing a huge long table. I dumped the sheet on the floor and toke a better look at the table.
It was stunning, wooden old looking but well kept. Looking carefully I could see carvings on it that almost seemed to tell a story. I ran my hand against it feeling the soft wood. I pulled out a chair and set my books down but before I sat down something caught my eyes.
In the corner wall there was something…something red. I took a step closer to it looking closely but I still couldn't understand what it was. So I took a closer look.
I put my hand on it, pushing away the sheet a little, it was a book. I pushed the sheets away some more and there was another book. Quickly I yanked the whole thing off to reveal rows and rows of books that ran all the way up to the high ceiling which I just noticed also had pictures on it that depict a story. I ran over to the other walls and pulled off the sheets, revealing more selves stacked with books. I found that one wall wasn't actually a wall but just a huge book shelf and behind it was even more book shelves with even more books. And then I realized this is his library...or was; now it seemed the books were being neglected along with the beautiful art work that's displayed all over the walls and wherever else there was space.
There must be thousands and thousands of books in here about anything and everything you could ever want to know. It must really come in handy…wonder why it looks so unused then…
Totally forgetting about my homework I started to look around some more, admiring the whole place. I looked through some of the books; they're some of all sorts, from educational, real life stories to sci-fi fantasy worlds.
I've always loved books, I mean I don't always understand them and it was just killer reading them for school but I respect what the authors do. They write about things that mean something to them, their feelings, thoughts and opinions and get other people to hear what they have to say. It must be real hard though.
I used to bring books around and look at them, I couldn't exactly read that well but I liked carrying it around and attempting to read and understand. I liked how each one told a different story that would temporary distract me from my real life, it was like each one was a door to another dimension, another exciting adventure and you know most books have this corny theme about friendship and how with friends behind you, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. This theme applies especially in animes and mangas and I guess it was that theme that draws me into these things.
It gave me hope engulfing myself in these totally unreal worlds with these amazing good-hearted characters. I would always imagine meeting them in real life and having them as friends, it all seemed so perfect till of course I finished the book and the fantasy ended and I would feel even worst then when I started the book.
I used to picture one day having a book with my name on it about me, my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions, my life but like I said being an author's hard work and I don't think I'm cut out for it. I've never really liked people judging me or my work. I could never stand negative criticism or even constructive criticism. My spirit's broke way too easily. And I'm pretty sure to make a good book you need to be good in spelling and grammar and sentence structure and all that.
I guess writing a book is just another broken dream. It would just seem nice to be heard by the world, to have people taking time from their day to pick up something I wrote and read my words. I'd be like immortalized in the book because my thoughts, a part of me will always exist so long as someone has my book and is reading it or just remembering it.
I guess fame is something I wish for sometimes…but don't we all want a little bit of fame? A little bit of glory? I know everyone wants to be noticed, everyone wants a little bit of attention because no one could possibly like being ignored or just unnoticed. Everyone likes to feel special and appreciated that's for sure…
Yeah okay, I don't know why I just went into that little rant but they've been happening more frequently now-a-days… I've always had a billion rants, the more things I find wrong with the world the more things I have to rant about and there are so many things wrong with the world…but I guess my ranting doesn't really fix any of them…
"Still thinking about being a writer?"
I recognized his voice, even though I haven't heard it in a long while, Enrique. I rolled my eyes not bothering to turn around and look at him.
I don't even know why he brought that up, if anything I'd would get mad at him for saying that. You can probably guess that I never told him that I wanted to be a writer considering I never tell anyone anything of importance to me ever.
How he found out? I used to keep this diary-journal sort of thing. I wrote just about everything in there and it was back in the time where I wasn't as cynical or bitter…so I actually had crushes, quite a few of them to tell you the truth though I hate to admit it now or name any names because…well they turned out to be total jerks like every other guy in the world. Big surprise there.
Anyway being a writer was on the maybe list back then now it's in the never-going-to-happen list like everything else I used to think about.
From the day I caught him reading it which he had probably been doing for months I stopped keeping a journal, now I sort of just scribble my thoughts down under my bed. If someone was to take a flashlight and hold it up to the wood under my bed they'd be years and years of writing, most are just one word entries that tell of what I was feeling at the time. I know the word anger is under there and underlined quite a few times. It was the first word I ever jotted down. I know I have weird habits. I have no life, don't remind me.
You know thinking about this makes me realize that Enrique liked doing a lot of things behind my back, it's like his pastime.
"What's it to you?"
"Nothing, was just wondering."
"Well don't 'cause it's none of your business." Now where was this attitude coming from? Right, he's a jackass that dated one of my…uhhh…friends?...for however long without tell me. Okay then keep it up.
"I see you still haven't gotten over…it…"
"I see you still haven't found anything to say in your defense." I spat out…okay let's try not to cross the line from attitude to bitchy.
"Well…no, I guess not." He said in a voice that sounded like he was about to give up after not really trying.
"Okay then, whatever."
"Well…I broke up with her…" he whispered almost like it was to himself.
"Yeah, so I've heard, it wasn't from you but I really didn't expect you to tell me anyway. I don't expect you to tell me anything. It's your life not mine I don't really care. Do whatever you want." Alright…I think I've hit bitchy.
"Look…I am really sorry. It's just-…have you-…" he sighed struggling to find words. "It-she…I just screwed up, okay?"
"No, not okay. Now if you don't mind I'm going to get back to my homework and back to ignoring you." I said putting the book I was holding back and brushing past him back to the table.
I seriously don't know where this is coming from anymore…I'm not mad…am I? I haven't really thought about it…and I know I'm not mad at Britney...no on the contrary I feel sorry for Britney…actually I totally forgot she had anything to do with Enrique… If I can forgive her, someone that made me miserable for so many years…someone who did all that just to make me hurt…why couldn't I find it in myself to forgive Enrique? My brother. Why do I have such a larger grudge over Enrique then over Britney? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
And you know that? Britney was never really my friend…so why would it matter? Why do I care? Do I even care? Why did I make such a big deal out of it?
Urg as this stupid day goes on I get more and more stupid questions I have absolutely no…stupid answers to!
Well I don't know why I'm acting the way I am but what I do know is that this thing with me and Enrique may never be fixed because well as much as everyone would like to see all problems that come up in life to be fixed in nice thirty-minute-packages like in TV shows, it just doesn't happen that way. Sometimes when something happens and words have been exchanged the damaged is never fixed and people just drift apart…I've gotten over it…I'm just not sure I want things back the way they were.
Maybe in the future I'll feel different about it…in a week…a month…a year, I don't know but if I had to take a wild guess I'd say I'm not a big enough person or a trusting enough person to give out second chances yet.
(I wrote this, this way cause well it'd be unrealistic to fix every lil problem…and well I don't have a solution, ppl drift that's it. But I am writing this short story about Britney and Enrique that will b posted once I'm done posting this story…lol)
It was about a quarter after six when I heard my mom yelling my name and telling me that it was time to go.
"Yes!" I cheered to myself gathering my books and leaving the room but not before stopping one last time to admire it. God, I love this room, it was like silent but for once it wasn't a freaky kind of silence… Gah, it doesn't matter I'm getting tired of trying to explain these things. It's just to special to put into any words.
I came out and everyone was already starting to make their way down the hall and out of there.
"Hurry up and make sure to get all your stuff then try to catch up. I know this place is big so try to keep up and not get lost. We have to hurry; I have to get to work." My mom lectured to me as she and everyone else had already started walking away.
I peeked into the next room, rich boy's room. I couldn't see anyone but there was a lump on the bed so I was guessing that was him. I looked at the floor by the door where I had set down my bag but it was gone. I looked around to spot it right next to his bed. Someone is so damn evil!
I walked slowly up to his bed hoping in it would really just be some pillows stacked up on themselves but unless pillows could make breathing noises- and last time I checked they couldn't- it had to be him in there.
As I got closer I seemed to slow down and started to walk on my tippy toes. I was hoping to get my bag and get out of there without being noticed. I bent down and got my bag to notice that he was fast asleep. I almost laughed. He's hair was all messed up. He looks horrible, like he was really suffering…yet still so adorably…cute. Like he said cute is better.
I shook the thought out of my head and ran out the door and after my family that has now officially done something together.
I turned off the lights that was clearly bugging Rei. I took all my books and bag and brought them over to my bed. Getting under the sheets I turned a flashlight and began working. It was getting pretty late now, one? Two? in the morning and I was starting to feel a little tiny bit bad for keeping Rei up.
I stared down at my textbook. Math, the horror of all subjects. Now, what exactly does all the exterior angles of a polygon equal and how can I use this knowledge to get the measurement of one exterior angle of a twenty-four sided polygon?
Now let's see... the all knowing textbook says:
All exterior angles of a polygon have the sum of 360 degrees. To find measurement of one angle divide 360 by the number of sides.
Ah, so this thing does come in handy at times. Now, 360 divided by twenty-four would be? Ack, why couldn't there be six sides or two or something really simple for a simple minded person like me. Calculator time.
I dug my hand through my bag looking for my pencil case when I grabbed a small box wrapped in what looked like black wrapping paper but after taking a closer look it was more of a dark blue…dark blue…could it be from…
I turned off the lights and slipped out of the covers. I held the little box under the moonlight and in golden letters spelt 'Happy Birthday,' Right…that's what today is…
Ah…I suddenly didn't feel very well. ..it was getting hard to see properly. I closed my eyes rubbing at them, it must be because I'm tired. My eyes seemed to get better till I opened them again.
I was no longer in my bed or in my room…I'm not sure where I am…There were games at every direction. Slides, balls, pizza, it was filled with little kids at every direction.
"No, now Enrique don't touch those cakes. They're your brother and sister's." that voice… I looked to my right and there was my…mom? But…she was different, younger, less stressed…h-happy looking and there was Enrique almost looking the same but smaller with the same golden blonde hair and goofy smile on his face. One hand was about to dig into a chocolate cake the other into a mango cake.
"Go on and play."
"Okay mommy!" Enrique said bouncing off but from the look in his eye he was going to come back when mom wasn't looking.
This is too weird…what is this? A dream?
Soon all the voices and noises around me got quieter and quieter till all I could hear was the voice of a little girl. I followed it till it lead me to a hallway away from all the kids. Standing there was…was…me?...in a little pink poofy and may I add ugly dress. My hair was put up but mainly just messed up strands were falling out and all over the place. There was also a boy…a very familiar looking boy…with…with…two toned blue hair…K-Kai…? Not another dream with him. Is it not bad enough that he's everywhere these days he also has to invade my dreams.
I stood at the entrance to the hallways listening to them. The little girl…I mean…me?...I-I was holding a nicely wrapped box.
"What's this?" she or…I…or…whoever asked.
The little boy shrugged…such a Kai thing to do.
"Awww!" she- I- little me….or whatever squealed. "You got me a present! Thank you!" she yelled jumping up and hugging him as he was about a head taller then…me at the time and is even taller then that compared to me now.
"…." He didn't seem like he was able to speak squashed in a hug.
Finally she- I'm just going to call her she- let go. "I wonder what it is!" she yelled still all giddy.
"Just open it." He said in the same monotone-it's-no-big-deal voice of his.
"Okay!" she said her smile widening but before her little fingers could pull away the wrapping she was stopped.
"Now, now Cecilia we're opening presents after we eat cake which will be soon because Enrique looks like he can't resist eating the whole thing on his own. I'll just put this with the other ones." My….younger mom said spotting us she past by running after a couple kids that looked awfully like Max and Johnny. She took the present and then ran off after the two kids.
"Well I can't wait to see what it is! I'll open yours first!" she said pretty enthusiastically.
Kai just slightly nodded but little me didn't seem to care that he wasn't as happy as she was, it was like she was being extra happy to make up for his lack of…any emotion.
So he was always like that, it wasn't military school that turned him…well the air of mystery around him just got bigger.
Right then Rei ran in, right passed me and towards well…me…the little me and mini Kai. He was actually cute as a kid…what happened to him? He's hair was long but as long as it is now, it was tied into a braid like usual. Man how long exactly had he been sporting that look?
"Hey sis! You coming to play or what?" he asked running up to her when he seemed to just notice Kai. Jeez, blind much? "Oh, hey, I'm not interrupting anything am I?" he asked in an almost teasing voice.
"No Rei you aren't." I said in a cheery voice not even noticing the fact that he was mocking me. Am I or was I really that dense?...on second thought, don't answer that.
"Okay then! Come and play!" Rei insisted grabbing hold of her arm.
"Okay! Okay, Mr. Pushy!" she said about to run off but then stopped. "Actually…I got to go pee…"
Rei almost seemed to sweatdrop. "Okay, I'll take you."
"Nooo! Rei! I'm six! I'm a big girl now! I can find my way!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah! You two go off. I'll find you later! Bye!" she said running off but Rei caught her by the arm.
"It's that way…" he said pointing down the hall.
"Right I knew that!" she said but looking at his face it didn't seem like he believed she knew where she was going at all and well…knowing me…I probably didn't. "Don't worry so much!"
Rei sighed and I watched him and Kai walked back into the party and disappear into the crowd of kids.
Once they left the lights almost seemed to get darker and an air of seriousness clouded over the place almost anticipating something bad…
Quickly I followed after myself…this was one vivid and totally bizarre dream.
I hurried down the hallway watching myself skip down the hallway while singing Mary had a little lamb…or some weird variation of it because I didn't get the words quite right.
"Berry had a knitting lamp, knitting lamp, knitting lamp! Berry had a knitting lamp that something, something, something." And I just continued repeating that over and over.
Wow, even in a dream I annoy myself.
We continued down the hall…which seemed really long and I'm starting to think maybe we passed the washroom.
This place was completely deserted and just screamed bad news but the little me seemed so care free she continued skipping without a worry and waving at her reflection whenever she passed a mirror.
We were all alone till…suddenly this man just out of nowhere just I don't know…appeared? I didn't see him walk there and there was no footsteps, no noise. He was like a ghost. One second there was no one then the next he appeared, manifested out of thin air.
I can't really see him properly. He was hidden in the shadows but something about him didn't give me a good feeling. It sent shivers down my spine. I don't know why but I don't like him…
"Hi mister!" mini-me yelled not looking like she was getting the same vibe from him as I was.
"Hi little girl." He said. His voice sounded nice enough, like a parent talking to their little kid but still…something wasn't right.
"It's my birthday today!" she yelled out almost as if she couldn't hold in the good news any longer.
"Oh, really and how old would you be now?"
"Six years old!" she shouted holding out six fingers.
"Wow what a big girl. You know I think I may have a present prefect for a little girl back at my place."
"A present? I love presents!" she screamed ecstatic.
"Well if you come with me I'll give it to you."
"Ohh…I can't. Mommy said not to go with strangers."
"Oh but I don't live far. It's just down the hall."
"You live here! That's so cool!"
"Yeah, it'll just take me a second to get it for you."
"I don't know…"
"I won't tell anyone if you don't."
"Umm..." she scrunched up her little face thinking… "Well…okay!" she yelled taking his hand.
Now, I could make out a smile in the mans outline…a little one…like a crooked smirk… but that was all of him I was able to make out through the shadows and when I attempted to get closer to see his face my vision would blur and my head would ache, it was like there was a wall between me and him and my mind would only let me get so close, like I wasn't allowed to see his face…
This isn't good...this isn't right. Something bad was going to happen…I could feel it in my bones. "Nooo! Don't go!" I yelled to her but she didn't hear me and continued hand in hand with him. "You can't go with him!" I yelled again this time reaching out my hand to grab her but then my hands got weak and it felt like I couldn't lift them any longer so they dropped to my sides.
My head's pounding like someone was beating it in with a bat. I feel to the floor seeing only the little-me's back disappearing off into the dark with that man. I fell down to the ground as it got harder to stand up as the world around me twisted and turned, it was like the ground was moving beneath my feet. My body feels so numb I can't control any part of it, it just keep shaking uncontrollably. Breathing's starting to become a very difficult task. I tried to reach out my hand one last time and yell for her to come back but my voice had stopped working. I was sweating so much, my hands were all clammy and beads of sweat rolled off my forehead. I shut my eyes and just waited for it to stop or for me to die but neither happened.
It was like how they described having a heart attack would feel only the symptoms kept going. I don't know how long I've been kneeled over here but it almost seems like an eternity and I hadn't passed out. It's like dying, being put through all that pain but I never actual died so the pain continued on and on.
Then suddenly, like the wind changing directions, it stopped, all of it just stopped. I don't get it… I opened my eyes and looked around. I was on my feet and walking. I looked to my left and I was holding a man's hand…a man in the shadows…
Oh no…I-I'm…that little girl now?…I mean…me…when I was small…or at least I'm seeing through my eyes when I was small? Or…this is just too odd.
"No! No! I wanna go! I want my mommy!" that voice…did it just come out of me? It's like I don't have any control in this body…I'm just a by-stander….helpless and useless.
"But you didn't get your present yet…"
"I-I don't want it anymore…I-I…just want to go…" I stuttered pulling my hand out of his but I didn't get far when his hand grabbed my wrist and it held on tight.
"Just a little further…" he said again the only thing I could see was his lips and the evil smile they curled into.
That smile seemed to send me into a larger panic mood and I started to pulled harder and harder to get away from his grasp but all that I was really doing was causing more pain to myself.
"Now, now if you continue that behavior you'll only hurt yourself." He said as if he was a loving parent.
"Let go! Let go! Please! You're hurting me!" I started to yell and I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Now let's not make a scene." He said, his voice stern almost like a threat and that usually would have shut me up but this little-me was too caught up in her fear. I stared through her frightened little eyes as she continued to yell and scream while struggling to get away from him.
I saw the outline of his face turn from side to side to make sure no one was around. He was getting nervous now that I had begun to fight him. He quickly opened the nearest door and hurled me inside.
I let out a yelp as my back came in contact with something hard and metal…like a shelf.
"Awww, sorry but that's what you get for being a bad girl. You shouldn't yell and scream like that in public." He tsked shaking his head.
Now I really started to cry, so much that I couldn't talk. I was balling, years streaming down my face.
"Now, now there's no need to cry. I just want to play a little game. You like games don't you?" he asked kneeling down and whipping a tear off my check. I wince a little moving backwards till my back hit the metal thing again.
"It's fun. Don't worry." He said with a big smile again. His large white teeth now the only thing I saw in the dark.
I could feel myself fidgeting and moving, kicking and punching at the air, tying to fight away what I couldn't see but could definitely feel: cold large hands.
My heart was pounding like a trapped little rabbit about to be eaten as I continued to struggle against the tall shadowy figure that seemed to be everywhere, he was like the air in the room, everywhere yet I couldn't see him. To the left, the right, in front of me…I couldn't really tell where.
"Don't worry, It's fun…"
"Don't worry, It's fun…"
"Don't worry, It's fun…"
That's all I kept hearing him whisper into my ear over and over. I could feel his breath of my neck and it cause Goosebumps all over my body.
Everything now was like a little clip and pictures pasted together. There were all these parts that were missing and I wasn't sure I wanted to see them even if I could. After a little while everything just became a swirling blur and I could hardly tell what was around me till total darkness finally hit and then all there was, was a loud piercing scream that kept getting louder and louder.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
My eyes shot open and I was in my bed again, sweating like hell. The screaming continued though…I could still hear it till I realized that it was me that was still screaming. I stopped, breathing deeply.
"What the hell is wrong with you! It's four in the morning!" Rei snapped at me.
"R-…Rei!" I said still shaken up. "I-I'm…I-I'm…scared…"
"Scared of what? The monsters under your bed?"
"I…I had this…this…dream- no, no, no… nightmare…no, no…not…not even…I'm not even sure if it was a nightmare…it…it seemed too real…e-everything that was happening…I…I-I could…I could feel the pain…and his breath!...his breath…on my…my neck…" I said putting my hand on my neck… now I was rocking myself back and forth, "and the fear…it…it was all too real…too real to be just a nightmare…no…no…it was like…like…a memory…"
"Wait…wait…slow down. What exactly was your dream about?" Rei asked now sounding mighty concerned.
"Our…our sixth birthday…"
Rei shifted on his bed getting up. "Go back to sleep. It was just a dream…nothing more." He said stressing the last two words before rushing out of the room and slamming the door shut.
I sat in my bed thinking it over and over. I didn't quite believe Rei when he said it was just a dream but I wanted to so badly. It was too frightening so I kept telling myself that it was just a dream. It's just a dream…just a dream… just a dream… just a dream… just a dream and nothing more. Just some weird scenario my brain came up with… Nothing to worry about… Nothing. To. Worry. About. I reassured myself over and over. It's just like all those other weird dreams you've been having about when you were small and if Kai's in it then it has to be just a dream…right? I didn't know him then, no he was in military school so I couldn't. No...I don't know him…I never knew him back then. It was a dream. It didn't know Kai back then so it has to be a dream. It has to be!
I sighed calming a little once I had convinced myself it was just a dream. I let my body un-tense as I leaned onto my pillow. It's okay. Dreams can't hurt you, dreams aren't real. As I un-tensed my hands released their tight grips and out of my right hand slipped the little box I had never gotten a chance to open. It fell onto the floor and bounced under the bed. Hope it wasn't something breakable.
I crawled onto the floor and looked under my bed, there it was. I reached my hand in but it was just out of reach so I crawled in a little and grabbed it.
Before getting out I looked up and felt like adding a word to my little dictionary of feelings. I got out and placed the little box carefully on the bed. Then I open the top drawer of my night table and I took up a flashlight and marker. I went back under this time sliding on my back. I turned on the flashlight and placed it into my mouth so it shined onto a collage of words. Randomly on the empty space between Loneliness and Betrayal I scribbled down my new word: Scared.
At the bottom of everything a single phrase is written: These feelings will never go away.
Slowly I got back out and crawled back under my sheets and knocking all my books and bag onto the floor. I don't think I'm going to get anything else done anyway. I picked up the box once again and stared at it. The wrapping was well done; it looked like actual effort was put into it. I slowly pealed off the tape off one end then opened that end up slowly I slipped the box out leaving the wrapping paper still in a box shape.
I looked at the box on the palm of my hand for a moment then I opened it up. Inside was a necklace, an oval-shaped locket on a chain.
I held it up by the chain, inspecting it. It shined in the moonlight…I could see my reflection in it as it swung slightly to the left and right… it was…intriguing…
A little Cecilia, now six and a couple weeks sat in her room, curled up in a ball. There was a knock at the door but she didn't say anything, didn't make an attempt to open the door just sat there as if there was no knock to begin with.
The door opened anyway and there stood her mother.
"Cecilia…Kai's here to see you…"
At the mention of his name, her head snapped up but still she didn't say anything.
Kai stepped out from behind her mother and he ended the room carrying a tray that held some food.
Cecilia continued to stay silent but a little flame of life lit in her once dead looking eyes.
Her mother silently exited the room and closed the door behind her, concern was written all over her face. What mother wouldn't be? Her only daughter wouldn't speak, hardly ate and hardly ever moved from that corner. She was still a sweet girl that would do what you ask but she didn't quite have that spark she used to. The worst part was that she didn't even know how to help her little girl.
Kai sat down next to her in the corner. "Eat, you're going to starve yourself to death."
"I'm…not hungry…" she spoke for the first time in days. The last time she had spoken it was the last time Kai was there. She couldn't find her voice to speak anyone else. She felt too ashamed to speak to anyone else, too dirty, tainted. No matter how many baths she took, the feeling wouldn't go away. It was only with Kai she felt secure enough to talk to right now because it had always been him she ran and he had always made everything better. She couldn't quite explain why it was him she could talk it, it definitely wasn't what he said about her problems because Kai hardly spoke at all...but it was kind of just that, that made her want to talk to him. He didn't say anything, he didn't judge, he would just listen and that's all she really needed, someone to listen.
"Just a little…please." He said in an almost begging voice which was a first even with Cecilia.
She took the bowl of rice and ate it plain, a little spoonful at a time, slowly putting it into her mouth and chewing it till it was mush.
Kai just sat there waiting for her to finish, she only ate about half a bowl before giving up and putting it back on the tray.
"I have to go…away" Kai said randomly.
"Away where?"
"Far."
"When…are you coming back…"
"I…don't know."
"What do you mean 'I don't know'?"
"It's going to be a while…a long while…"
"But…but…you can't…" Cecilia said, she tried to put a little more fight into her voice but she just couldn't find it in her. She felt so weak.
"I have no choice…"
"…"
"…"
There was a long pause of silence. Cecilia was trying to picture what it would be like without Kai especially now when she needed him the most but she couldn't. She just couldn't picture life without him…He had been there since…well the beginning…of everything, this family. He was there when Tala was born, he was there when she was born… of course he probably didn't remember but the fact was that he was there.
"You'll come back though…right?...someday…"
He nodded.
"And…you won't forget me…will you?"
"No…"
"Well…how do I know that? Mommy always said that boys had wondering eyes…I'm not sure what that means…but I know it's bad…" this was her first mommy comment in a while. She was trying to put on a brave face, trying to show Kai she'd be okay if he had to leave even though she knew that she wouldn't be okay.
He smiled wearily. "I won't forget…I promise."
She sat there a little while longer when it seemed an idea hit her and she stumbled to her feet and towards the table. She looked through the desk picking up a box and incased in it was a necklace. She picked it up and ran back to Kai. She held the chain letting the locket dangle. It was well taken care of, polished almost everyday. As she dangled it her reflection could be seen on the side facing her and his reflection on the side facing him.
"Take it and only open it when you feel really, really down. I put my favorite picture in it…and it always makes me feel better looking at it."
"I can't take this…"
"Just…give it back when you get back." She said shoving it into his hands.
I blinked several times coming out of my trance and stared back at my reflection in the locket.
Another one of them…Why's he always in every one of these things?...
---3rd Person's P.O.V.----
Rei exited the room immediately when heard about her 'dream.' Kai was right…she was remembering and at an alarming rate. If she was to remember it all on her own…
Urg, he couldn't decided what to do…but Kai was right, he didn't want her remembering alone in the middle of the streets or something. There's no telling what she'd do then.
At least if they told her, they could look after her…
He picked up the phone and dialed Kai's number. It was late but he considered this something important enough to wake him up for.
"Hello?" Kai's voice came in on the phone. He didn't sound like he hadn't been sleeping anyway.
"We can…and should tell her…and soon…"
"Okay."
And with that they both hung up the phone, there wasn't really anything else to say.
'…How does someone tell another news like this…' Rei thought heading back to his room, contemplating the problems to come.
Kai laid in his bed wondering whether she had opened it yet…probably though, it was probably what triggered those memories…but it was okay, he could deal with however she'd react. After all he was the only one that could get her to talk or eat before. He could do it again or so he thought, problem was he thought wrong.
This time she hardly knew him or trusted him so how could he help her?
Woot! Something happened! Finally!...:)
Ah, it's really taking me forever to just finish this story isn't it? --' I can't help it. I don't feel like writing anymore… I dunno haven't gotten lazier or anything…still exactly as lazy as I was when I started this story…It's not really writer's block either…Maybe the part I'm at is just hard to write…
Oh well…I'm sure something will click together in my head soon!...Happy holidays everyone! And a very Happy New Year:D