HOLY SHI-AT! WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER UPDATED REALLY CHRISTMAS EVE! I seriously didn't notice it had been that long…it didn't feel that long…but then one day I was like…I wonder when I last updated?...and I check…and wow…just…wow…I mean Chelly was always telling me I hadn't updated in forever…but really I thought she was exaggerating…but wooow…
Hehe…forgive me…I lost track of time…I really did!...for two mouths…yes…

Disclaimer: I only own that in which I own and not that in which I don't which would be the beyblade series and all it characters.

Chapter 14 – I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

I rocked myself for hours and hours before I actually fell asleep only to be woken again by my alarm clock not so long after.

It was kind of overly sunny out for a November day. The sun shone brightly through the window and hit the bottom of my bed warming up my feet.

I turned my head over to the right and just as I had suspected Rei was nowhere insight.

I'm not late today, once that alarm rang I was fully awake and no matter how much I would love to close my eyes and get a couple more moments of rest even if it meant being late for school…again…I wasn't able to. Took me hours to fall asleep in the first place, it wasn't going to happen again so easily even if I felt like I was going to collapse from the exhaustion.

I laid in bed just a little longer listening carefully for signs of life in this house…nope. Not the yells from the battle over the washroom, not the hurried footsteps of my parents, not even the sounds of Tyson scarfing down…ummm…just about anything he can get his hands on. No…just silence, its odd how much I didn't realize I noticed all these noises until well they were gone. Come to think of it, I could hear almost anything I want from this room, on this bed if I really listened hard.

Oh well, just another day…just another birthday…just another year closer to death. No biggie.

Sitting up I put my feet down on the group and I felt something moving past them. I lifted my feet back up and looked down there was that little Hellion scurrying out from under my bed and running towards Rei's. She jumped on but seemed slightly confused looking around. Someone misses Rei. Now every morning that thing would wake Rei up with purring and slight nudges and licks. No worries she's so nice she also attempts to wake me up …only instead of using her tongue she uses her claws. Considerate of her, no?

Meh, at least I'm not totally alone now.

Do I really need to describe my morning routines?...It's like what everyone else does. Brush teeth, change, eat, whatever. I mean who cares how I brush my teeth, or what I'm wearing or what I eat? What does it matter if I do them at all?

I mean why get ready? What's the point of even going to school? To be picked on? Pushed around? I certainly don't learn anything there, no all I ever do is get humiliated. I'm not getting an education so why bother? No education, no future, no life. Whoppi. Who cares? So I'll be unsuccessful, live on the streets and then die. Does it really make a difference to anyone what I do? Not their life and if I don't care why should anyone else? So I don't do anything with my life? What? The world's going to suddenly spin uncontrollably out of orbit and everyone's going to die because little old me can cut it in the real world? Yeah right. I'm one person; it doesn't matter if I fail because someone out there will succeed where I can't. So why try?...

….

Wow, so early in the morning and I'm already thinking like this? I'm jumping on every little thing even brushing my teeth. It's ridiculous; yup symptoms of not getting enough sleep, makes me extra grouchy.

It's that stupid dream or whatever it is. It's like a film. Play, pause, rewind. Play, pause, rewind. Play, pause, rewind. Where the hell is the fucking stop button! Oh yeah that's right there is none. I'll never have control over what goes on in my mind nor will I ever understand what goes on in my mind.

Ah, I'll try to do as little thinking as possible today if I don't I'm afraid I might jump on someone and attempt to kill them in desperation of trying to take my anger out. And we all know that murder is bad even if it happens to be a spiteful-innerving-idiot whose has for unknown reasons decided to dedicate their life to torturing and destroying everything around them and even when that person is like that they'll probably still end up succeeding in their live while other honest hard working people will fail. And even after all that murdering that person would still be bad and wrong even when you can picture a hundred different ways of doing it, like with a dull little knife slowly cutting them open while they're alive so they can feel every little cut as slowly feel themselves dying as their blood flows out of their bodies and then while they're still partially alive you cut their limbs off one and a time and watch the pain in their eyes till ev-… yeah…I'm going to stop here by saying murder is immoral and should not be done no matter how much every little part of you is begging you to just- I need more sleep….yuuup, just ignore me till I get more sleep.

It geography and as usual pop quiz…though I wouldn't exactly call it a quiz. Its…ummm… ten pages long and no multiple answer questions all long answer questions to be answered in full well structured sentences... grammar and selling will be marked and worth just as much as the question itself.

I stared at the quiz which I'd normally be freaking over trying to finish as many of the questions as possible before time ran out and then spend the rest of the week worrying about…but today…today….urg…I can't say that I care much.

I haven't even finished the first question…in fact the only thing I've done is read the first question and I don't even remember it…something…something about zoning and whatnot.

For some reason today this all just seems so trivial, so pointless, so useless…so whatever. I mean why should I care?

I directed my attention to the window deciding that there is no reason for me to care. I watched the snow fall and the trees that seemed to shiver in the cold. The field was covered in snow as far as the eye could see was white. Pure white snow…and it made me sick.

I kept staring though…staring…till eventually I think I stopped blinking…and then…it…it seemed…I…I-I started to hallucinate or something. That little girl…that same little girl form last night…she was back in her little pink dress only now it was all torn up and she was shaking….shaking horribly. She walked forward slowly, limping…almost like every part of her was so fragile it was going to fall apart any second. There was some blood running down her legs…and tears in her eyes but she didn't let them fall.

Soon a crowd seemed to form around her. The first one there was him…again…Kai…just standing there, staring…then soon other people arrived and… police they were everywhere and then this women…that women… that…that…

"Mom?" I whispered to myself.

"We were looking all over the place for you! Where have you-" the women started to say running up to the girl but then stopped dead in her tracks seeing the little girl. "W-what's happened to you?

The little girl looked up and the tears fell form her eyes as she opened her mouth. "I-I…I-I…I-I" she repeated a couple of time trying to speak. "I-I…didn't want to!" she finally spat out…and then it was like she was on repeat as her whole body started to shake harder. She fell to her knees shaking her head to the right and left as she repeated 'I didn't want to. I didn't want to. I didn't want to,' until she passed out on the cold white snow.

"Cecilia!"

"Cecilia!"

"Cecilia!"

"Cecilia!"

My name repeated over and over till I heard a ruler snap my side and I turned over to see my teacher looking pretty angry but today…he didn't scare me.

"Your 'mom' isn't here." He said mocking me but I didn't care, I didn't react. Just stared in his eyes and today my eyes were darker then his could ever be.

It made him flinch for a second but he regained his air of highness very quickly.

"Don't give me that look! It's rude." He snapped… and then it hit me…staring into his eyes I knew he was powerless. Why should I be scared of him? What's the worst he can do? Yell at me? So what? Send me to the office for sitting here quietly? I don't think so. So I just kept staring.

Seeing that I wasn't going to budge he took another approach and grabbed my test. "I'll be marking yours first." He snared.

I shrugged. I didn't even write anything. I don't care.

Lunch…same place same time as every other day.

'Cecilia.' Did she call my name? Or did I only think she did because that stupid teacher kept calling my name? Damn it. I must be going insane. I'm seeing things, hearing things…I hope I'm just going insane. I hope….I hope….I hope…

I put my arms on the table and rest my head on them, closing my eyes. I'm so tired…but I don't want another dream. I don't want to see anymore…why is this happening to me!

I sighed heavily and decided to just try and forget about it. Of course that's not exactly what I'd call an easy task.

Do you know who I haven't seen today? Britney…I don't hear much about her anymore and today it's like she's disappeared off the face of the universe…ah, whatever it's not like it matters much. She doesn't want to talk to me so I'll just leave it at that. Why should I have to keep chasing after her, it was her fault I got stuffed into a damn closet. Why should I have to keep giving a shit about her if she never did the same?

I stayed in the same position for a while then something hit my head then there was a couple snickers heard from around me. I ignored them. Getting up is not worth it. Don't care.

Then it hit me again and again still I didn't move, react or speak. Not worth my time but it seems by not reacting the idiots around me didn't get the pleasure they usually did in harassing me.

Suddenly someone grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me up roughly. One guess on who stood before me. Carol. She always has to single me out, everyday it's like she can't be satisfied with her day's work of torturing people if I'm not included in the list of people.

"Hello Cecilia. Rise and shine." She said with a smile on.

I stared at her boredly and clearly uninterested.

"Now, now it's not nice to not say 'hi' back."

She waited a little longer and still I didn't comply with her wishes.

"It's rude not to answer."

"…"

"Okay, Patty show dear Cecilia what happens to people that are rude." She ordered and then the girl behind me grabbed me by shirt again pulling my up and off my seat.

"What's happening here?" a stern voice cut in, the vice-principal. "We do not tolerate violence at this school."

And with that Patty dropped me back onto the bench.

Carol smile laughing a little. "Violence? No, no we were just playing around. Cecilia here is our friend."

The vice-principal raised her eyebrow unconvinced and then turned to me. "What's happening here?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "Nothing." I wasn't lying nothing was happening…nothing of importance to me, nothing that I cared about.

She didn't believe me but without a complaint she was really powerless. As this day goes by I just keep realizing just how powerless everyone in this school really is. The teachers, the vice-principal, probably even the principal herself. They can't hurt me, they can't do anything.

"Okay then, but if there is ever a problem you come to me."

"Whatever." I shrugged again. Not going to happen.

The vice-principal walked away and Carol's smile grew…or smirk…

"Dear Cecilia, my good friend, let's go outside where there are less prying eyes."

With that Patty had a firm grip on my shoulder and began to lead my outside along with Carol and the others. Getting a better look at Patty she was rather tall and big and strong. Well we can all see why Carol has her around, her brute strength. She so needed a personal body guard especially when she has about the whole school hating her, but of course also fearing her which keeps them nicely in line to control.

They lead me all the way to the back field behind some trees, I didn't even bother struggling. What's the point? I wasn't going to get anywhere and the worst they could do to me was beat me up and frankly just like everything else that happened today, I don't care. It'll just be another memory I put into the I-don't-want-to-remember-bin and leave it at that.

Patty pushed me into the fence. I didn't make any effort to smooth the crash or to escape. Not that there'd be a point I'm out numbered and I really don't have the strength to deal with this. My face saved me from the impact…whatever…it didn't even cause any pain, I don't feel anything.

Right now one and only concern is those damn dreams, what's causing them and how do I get ride of them?

In them I could feel that little girl's fear. The fear that Carol can inflict is nothing compared to that little girl's. So this seems like nothing…

"You're still not in a very talkative mood today? What's wrong? Scared? Want your mommy?"

I wonder who that man was in the dream…are their really people in real life as sick as him? That would do that…to some poor defenseless girl? This world really is screwed up. How can some people be so…evil?

"Aren't you at least going to react? Squirm? Awww. Come on, it's no fun if you just stand there."

He was there again…Kai…why? It makes no sense! Nothing makes sense anymore…He appears…he always just…standing there!…like…like…ah…I don't even know… I don't know where I'm trying to get with this…I just…want it all to go away.

"Are you paying attention? Hey! Listen to me when I speak!" Carol yelled kicking snow into my eyes. That's when I came out of myself and realized I was now on the ground…she must have pushed me down at some point.

"What do you want?" I so don't care.

"Ohhh, someone's getting mad, trying to act tough are we? That's almost laughable." She said kicking some more snow at me.

I turned roughly away. She's gotten better at this bully thing. I just want to be left alone…I just need to be left alone! I need time to process…

"Hey…that's pretty…" she bent down and touched the locket around my neck. "It looks real…"

I hit her hand away and I held onto the locket. This is the one thing that I actually may remotely still care about…I don't know, I haven't decided yet but just having her touch it means it'll have to be washed.

"Defensive. I just wanted it before but now seeing how much you love it I need it. Give it to me."

"No. Go to hell."

"Give it to me.'

"No!"

"Well then…we'll just have to take it. Girls…"

I looked around properly for the first time, there was about five of them not including Carol and like hell I was going to take on Patty if I didn't absolutely need to. I got to my feet quickly and tried to make a run for it but I was pretty quickly pushed back against the fence. What a surprise that was.

"Hey, you know what girl? I don't know why but I also kind of like that shirt…" Carol added.

"Oh, I need that sweater she's wearing." Another girl joined in. "Its absolutely hideous of course but I think my dog would enjoy tearing it up."

"You know what always ticked me off? Her hair. I mean what is with it? The color itself just screams disaster." Saying this she ran her hand through my hair and then grabbed a part yanking it and my head back and that started the frenzy on pulling, grabbing and kicking at me.

I don't have the strength to fight…or to even scream or cry out…all I'm going to do is hold onto this locket as long as I can. It's the only thing that matters, I don't care about myself…I can hardly feel the kicks…I can hardly feel anything now…

Soon my vision was going. Maybe it was just from all the kicks I've taken to the head or it's just the fact that I don't want to see what's happening anymore but either way it was like I had gone blind. All I could hear was their voices and what they were planning on doing to me.

"Maybe we should leave her naked on the field."

"That's good but no one will ever see her with all this snow."

"Oh we could take picture, post them on the internet."

"Ah, the wonders of technology. You should be grateful Cecilia."

I could also feel their hands attempting to pull my clothes off.

"Don't worry, its fun. We'll take good care of you Cecilia." I heard whispered into my right ear.

"Don't worry, it's fun…" I heard whispered into my ear again only this time it was a guy's voice…creepy one…his voice sent shivers down my spine and automatically put me into a panic… I wasn't so calm anymore…and I could feel pain again…I could feel someone on me…someone heavy. I opened my eyes and it was dark for some reason. I was against something...hard…metal, like a shelf…oh god no…

It was that man again. I could see him better this time though. He was tall…he's hair wavy and messy all over the place…long crooked sort of nose like it had been broken many times. His lips shaped that same smirk showing how amused he was. The only thing I couldn't see were his eyes…they were hidden.

I struggled as his hands pulled at my dress the force caused it to tear….dress…I wasn't wearing a dress…I wasn't wearing a dress…!

There wasn't much sound just his loud breathing…the silence was driving me insane…more so then usual.

I forced my eyes shut. Wake up. Oh my god. Wake up. Stop…I don't want to see this…I don't want to live this…I don't want to feel this…Stop…Just stop…

"Stop…stop…STOP!" I screeched and my eyes opened wide again and I was back outside but the fear still ran through me and I started to fight back, kicking and screaming trying to get them away. "Go away! Go away! Go away!" I yelled kicking harder and using my hands to push whoever away from me. In my mind I was still fighting him. In my mind he was my enemy and that made me fight even harder. I didn't want to look so I kept my eyes down as I fought. If I stop fighting for even a moment he'll win…if I stop it'll happen…it I stop he'll be in me… Can't stop…no…can't let it happen. No…no…

"NOOOO!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and I could feel tears running down my checks.

"Cecilia!" I heard someone calling my name…it was a guy's voice again…but it was…it wasn't…that…man's…no…but I did know this voice…I did…actually there was more then one calling to me…there were more then one…all guys though…people I know…who?...who?

"Cecilia, calm down. It's okay. Calm down."

It's a trick. Can't…I can't…it's a trick…If I stop...if I stop for even a second he wins…don't stop fighting…fight…fight…win… I kept telling myself that, to fight to win…yet somewhere in me I already knew I had lost… and a long time ago.

"It's just us!. .Look at me Cecilia. Look at me." Someone said taking their hand and forcing my head to turn to the right but I shut my eyes not wanting to see. I don't want to see…I don't…I just want to get away…I just…I just…want it to stop… "Open your eyes. It's okay!...its okay…" he said it more softly the second time. He ran his hand through my hair. "It's okay." He said again.

His voice…I've heard it before…many times…but it was never that soft…never that nice…never that comforting…never…

Slowly I opened my eyes just hoping that I would see that man…luckily I didn't instead there was Johnny. I sighed in relieve a little then panicked again. "Where'd he go!" I yelled pushing Johnny away and looking around to see the rest of them, my brothers…and Mariah who looked really confused. Welcome to the club of confusion, president and population: me.

"He? There was no 'he.' There was a group of girl, they ran away pretty beaten up and scared."

Girls?...girls…that's right…Carol and the others…it's all coming back now…It has not been a good couple days…

"Are you okay?" Rei asked.

"I'm fine."

"Really? Cause you didn't seem it a second ago."

"Well I am." …I'm not but whatever doesn't matter anymore…it's over…it's over, I just have to keep reminding myself that, and I also have to never sleep again…

I just noticed its freezing. I exhaled and watched as my breath seemed to freeze. The sweater I was wearing was laying a few steps away; my shirt was totally destroyed, ripped in a billion places, hair totally messed up but what's new? The cold wet snow had soaked into my pants so they were stuck to my skin. And for some reason I had one shoe on, must have kicked the other one off. I can't feel one of my feet now, my toes are going to freeze and fall off soon. But who cares? I don't. Whatever: my new favorite word.

"What exactly was that a moment ago?" Johnny asked out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" I snapped at him…I don't even know why I snapped at him…I just…did. Too many thought swarming in my head…I can't digest it all…

"You were having some kind of panic attack."

"I was not."

"Yelling, screaming, kicking. I think you were."

"I'm fine. Okay? Fiiiine. Do you not get that? Nothing is wrong, nothing." I stressed but stressing probably only made it more evident that something was wrong.

"Right…this wouldn't have anything to do with…that dream?" Rei asked.

Just by the mention of it…I seemed to lose it…I don't know… I just did… I couldn't restrain myself. I needed all the 'it's-okay,-count-to-ten,-just-let-it-go' attitude I could get at the moment because I just ran out. He hardly had time to finish the sentence when I just…jumped on it, totally attacked it and him…and…I have no control…and…too much anger… "It had nothing to do with that! I don't even know why you'd bring that up."

"The way you're reacting…I wouldn't say it had nothing to do with it…"

"Why are you analyzing me? I can act any way I feel like and I don't need a reason."

"I was just saying-"

"Stop pushing! I don't want to talk about it! I'm out of here!" I screamed….I screamed…why did I scream? We were…or he was talking calmly…why did I scream? Why do I keep screaming? It's like today, I've either been overly calm, so much so that I would say a word or make a sound or I'd be screaming, kicking and destroying things…I don't know. What's wrong with me?

Whatever, doesn't matter…I lost control and I screamed right before I took off full speed to the exit at the back of the school field. I kept running the whole way back with one shoe on. After a while I didn't even notice how cold I was…mainly because all my limbs were numb but I kept running faster then I've probably ever ran and longer then I've probably ever ran without stopping. It didn't matter that I was tired the only thing that did matter was that I wanted to get away from school so I just kept running until my feet brought me back to the house. Not my favorite place but I can't stand staying on the streets right now…too many people I don't know…strangers…all against me…plotting against me…I know it…they're evil….all of them…

I sat on my bed still in the wet clothes. I really don't see the point in changing, they'll dry eventually. I wrapped myself in my blanket and just sat there. I went to the first half of school that should be good enough...and really what's my mom going to do about it? Lecture me to death? Punish men? And what punishment can she really give me? Go to bed earlier then I already do? Whatever, going to bed doesn't mean going to sleep. She can't force me to do anything, no one can….and no one has the right to…
…I saw his face…it was like any other guy you would pass in the streets and not even give a second thought about, just regular, some guy…I saw his face…and it scared me…

"Are you busy?"

"Tala…have you ever heard of knocking before sticking your head into someone's room?"

"We have been knocking for the last five minutes."

I didn't hear that…I've been zooming out again…I'm so out of it…and still snapping at people…well whatever! It's their own fault! Can't the world just leave me the hell alone!

"Well if there's no answer that means you're not welcome to enter."

He stuck in his hand and dangled something shiny…the locket…I thought Carol took it. When I didn't say anything he took that as a sign that they could enter all seven of them…even Enrique was there…and Kai…I don't want to see him…he was in all of them…every memory…I still can't figure out why…if u count Tyson that makes seven…lol

Tala brought the locket up to me and I grabbed it without hesitation and without a thank you…. "Where'd you find it?"

"It was in the snow when you left."

I looked at it for a while then secured my fingers around it, I'm never letting it go again…Now onto getting ride of these people… "Shouldn't you guys be out?"

"Out? Why?"

"It's November the 22nd, shouldn't you be out."

"Decided to stay that's all."

"Okay, fine. So what do you guys want?"

"Talk."

"Talk? Talk is useless." Talk! Ha, what's the point when no one listens?

"Then you don't have to talk, just listen."

I rolled my eyes…I just want you to leave…is that so hard? Leave me alone for like my whole life, I was invisible and now all they can do is bug me…Fine get this over with. "Fine, whatever you have to say, say it quick. I want to be alone so just spit it out and leave." I'm finding it really hard not to be a bitch right now…and guess what? I don't really care that I am. Why do I always have to be the nice one? The one that always just sits there when people insult me. I'm tired of it. I'll be a bitch if I want to, and I do so I am.

"Okay." Tala said sitting down at the end of my bed.

"Okay? So what do you want to talk about? Quickly here."

"It's about that…ummm…dream you had last night," Rei said not quite looking me in the eye.

"It's a dream, that's it. What's there to talk about?"

'It's complicated…but it…wasn't quite a dre-"

"It was a dream…a nightmare, okay? Whatever. You said so yourself. Nothing more."

"Just forget what I said last night. The fact it that-"

I interrupted him again…I didn't even mean to…it's like I don't want to hear the end of that sentence. I just…just don't…why are they doing this to me! "Alright, stop talking about this. Dream, nothing. You can all leave now if that's all you wanted to talk about."

"Can you just listen to me? For a second here."

"Don't you get it? I don't want to hear it. It. Was. A. Dream…I've settle on that. So just leave it be. I don't care about what you're trying to say. I don't care. I don't care! I don't care! Okay! Get it through your thick heads!"

"Well it's about you so you have to start caring."

"I don't have to start doing anything."

"Cecilia, it wasn't a dream."

"It was!" I cried almost like a five year old objecting to something that they just didn't want to accept and I guess that's exactly me right now.

"It's real, you know it that why you got so freaked out." Johnny just came out and said; even in a situation like this he's not very patient.

"Why are you telling me this? It was a dream. A dream, a fucking hell dream so just leave me alone!" I stumbled out of bed and pushed past everyone, I yanked open the door and stomped away.

"That went well…"

"Shut it Max, we said we were going to do this. Might as well do it quick and painlessly."

"That doesn't work for everything you know?"

Do they ever not fight? Or is that the only reason why they live? To fight and cause fights. Urg like I care so long as they leave me out of it.

"What are you going to do? Just keep denying something you know is true?" Johnny yelled to me from the end of the hallway. From the sound of it they were following me. Great. Wonderful. Fantastic. Urrrrrg I'm going to kill someone!

I stomped down the stairs and yelled back. "You know what! Fine! Yeah! That's what I'm going to do! So just shove the hell off!"

I sat at the bottom of the stairs and started to put on my shoes…they must have brought the other shoe back. I saw that they were all the top of the stairs from the corner of my eyes so I just shoved me foot in even though it was filled with snow….I didn't feel the cold this time… no…I wouldn't would I? The cold is nothing right now, a side story to something much bigger.

"Okay Johnny, you stay out of it this time."

"Fine."

"Where are you going?"

"Out…mainly away from here."

"You going to run away from all your problems?"

"Oh Tala, your much better then Johnny." I got up and headed for the door. I'm sick of this, I told them to leave me alone if they can't do that I'll find somewhere where I can be alone.

Tala sighed racing down the stairs to grab my wrist. "We need to talk about this and you need to listen."

"I told you I don't have to do anything and I don't want to listen to you guys…I just…don't!" I don't…I really…really…don't…

"I know you're scared."

"I'm not…I'm…I'm not scared…I'm fine."

"If you were really fine you wouldn't say you were over and over."

"Stop telling me what I am! If I say I'm fine then I am and I wouldn't have to repeat myself so many time if you didn't keep treating me as if I wasn't! I'm going now, so let go of me."

"No, you're staying."

I pulled my hand away and growled at the order…orders he's always giving orders, I'm sorry but when in hell did you become the king? "I told you to leave me alone!" I span around about to leave but instead I bumped into Rei who stood between me and the door. "Move..." but he didn't, I mean why listen to me? I'm half his size.

"Move!" I yelled again.

"No."

"Fine, I'll leave through the back." I turn around and there was Johnny. To the living room was Max. Basement, Enrique...and stairs was Tyson and Kai. I was trapped, cornered like a little rabbit about to be devoured…that's how I feel at least, my heart's definitely beating like one.

"Please, clam down and listen to us."

I shook my head almost uncontrollably as I back up onto a wall. I can never stop shaking can I? It's like nothing would listen to me anymore, not my body, my mind, my speech…all I could do was sort of slur everything…It was so hard to even get a sentence out. I had no control whatsoever. "I don't want to…I don't want to…"

"Because you know what we're trying to say…and that's its true."

I continued to shake and cover my eyes almost like I was squirming. I want to disappear…I want to disappear….disappear…disappear…I don't exist…I don't exist…I don't want to exist…I don't want to know…

"That day…was bad for all of us…" It was bad for all of you…but it was worst for me…it was worst for me…and the worst part is that…

"I-I…I-I…saw his face…" my voice croaked, all my strength to say that and when I said it, tears seemed to form at my eyes again…I couldn't help it…it was like all I could do was cry. A ball formed in my throat…I seemed to lose all feeling in my body…losing all strength…I feel so weak…next thing I knew I was on my knees, I didn't even feel the pain when they hit the marble floor…all physical pain was nothing compared to this feeling…this feeling that was spreading…this…this…disease "I saw his face…." I repeated. "I saw his sick twisted face…he…he…w-was smiling the whole time…w-wh…w-whispering into this ear…" I touched my right ear…staring at the ground, almost in a trance…I was reliving it again…for the millionth time today. I knew it wasn't a dream…it felt too real the whole time…I could hear his voice, feel his breath…his touch…at times I could actually feel him on top of me…it's…it's sick… "I keep seeing his face when I close my eyes staring back at me…laughing…and when I don't, I hear his voice…his amused voice…telling me not to worry…its fun... 'Don't worry, its fun'… 'Don't worry, its fun'… 'Don't worry, its fun' That son of a bitch!...that…that…son of a bitch…Make him stop…make him stop…please!...please… I just want him to stop. Stop…please…stop…stop…" This is when I broke…just fell apart…I couldn't stop repeating stop…stop…stop…I'd do anything to make it stop…to make myself forget…I'll be a good, volunteer at hospitals, save sick kids, dedicate my life to others and doing good, so long as I can make this feeling go away…

Please…stop…

And so yes…the world is a very scary and evil place…let's all be careful now…lol:P
I really am sorry this chapter toke me like forever to post…haha…my bad, my bad…but I've gotten into writing again:D…I think it's English…English always does this to me…though it was better with my last teacher…my new one's okay and all…except for the whole healing power of stories thing…-.-…anyway….no one cares, so I'm just gonna shut up:D R&R even though I've been a really stupid lil girl:P