Selphie the Explorer
Created by Cuddles-Chan and her friend Sarah
We got our inspiration from watching a ridiculously hilarious episode of Dora the Explorer. We started thinking, 'What if Dora was a Final Fantasy character?'
And this is what we came up with. I'm sorry. It's totally random with the strangest things in it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, their characters, or Dora the Explorer, so don't sue.
One day in Final Fantasy VIII world, Irvine and Selphie were heading to Deling City to go on a hot date. They hopped on a train at Balamb and began their little trip. But little did they know what was about to happen next…
While in the cabin of the train, Irvine and Selphie had heard a loud screeching noise that soon caused them to fall asleep.
Seconds later…Irvine and Selphie soon found themselves in a colorful, 2D world. Irvine suddenly had red boots on his feet and Selphie and a Moogle strapped to her back.
"Where… are we?" Irvine asked, looking around curiously.
"I don't know…" Selphie said, "but I have a strange urge to go on an adventure to find something."
Being utterly confused as to where they were or if this was a dream, they just stared into space. Suddenly, a new face came into the picture.
"Hey ya'll!" The strange man yelled.
Selphie and Irvine faced toward to young man. "Hey there!" Selphie called out.
"I'm Cid Highwind," he called. "I was wonderin' if you could help me."
"Sure!" Selphie yelled out happily, though she wasn't quite sure why. She and Irvine didn't even know where they were. "Whatcha need help with?"
"I'm lookin' for somethin', a special treasure on Treasure Island." Cid said as he walked closer.
"Let's ask the map!" Selphie yelled out as Cait Sith came out of the Moogle.
A giant map of a tower near a river, a lake, and an island with Cait Sith in the top left-hand corner came up right in front of everyone so that was all they could see.
Cait Sith suddenly started singing a gay tune while Selphie bobbed her head back and forth to the rhythm.
After the tune, Cait Sith explained to them where they needed to go. He repeated it almost 20 times.
"Uhhh… we got it the first time," Irvine said grumpily while scratching the back of his head.
"Well this is what happens when Nickelodeon creates shows for messed up kids," Cait Sith replied.
"Huh?" Everyone else asked.
"Well, I'm outta here," Cait Sith said and went back into the Moogle backpack.
"Here's the key to the treasure chest," Cid handed the key to Selphie and she gave it to Irvine to hold on to. "Well good luck." Cid just walked away.
Suddenly, Seifer had come out of a bush!
"Heheheh," Seifer chuckled. "I'm going to steal that key and get the treasure all to myself."
"No! Seifer don't!" Selphie yelled as she and Irvine protected the key with their lives. "C'mon! You need to help us! Yell 'Seifer, no swiping' to get him to go away," Selphie yelled to thin air.
Irvine and Selphie put out their hands and yelled, "Seifer no swiping! Seifer no swiping! Seifer no swiping! Seifer no swiping!"
Their attempt at stopping Seifer was unsuccessful and Seifer was able to get the key. He started running around and taunting Selphie and Irvine. Irvine was getting annoyed and pulled out his gun and shot Seifer right in the back. (-9999 HP!)
"Oh shhnapz!" Seifer said with his new gangster-glory, "It's BATTLE TIME (Final Fantasy VII style)!"
The world suddenly vortexes and Selphie, Irvine, and Seifer were quickly thrust into battle.
"You can't beat me!" Seifer yelled, "I have 999,999 HP, biotchez!"
"What? That's impossible, though!" Selphie yelled.
Seifer quickly cast Sadness on Irvine and Selphie.
"OH NO! My Limit bar is blue now!" Selphie cried. "I want it to be pink!"
Irvine quickly shot Seifer one more time. Seifer cast Cure3 on himself and barked: "It's not use!"
"Awww, man!" Irvine and Selphie whined.
Irvine and Selphie were about to run away from the battle when a very sexy Squall/Leon showed up and joined their party.
"WTH? Squall!" Seifer then started to run away, but was conveniently too slow. Squall then used his limit, Lionheart, and plummeted Seifer with 100 attacks all costing 9999 HP, which made Seifer die and the trio to do their happy dances at the end of battles with the random victory music playing in the background.
"2 EXP? Even level one bite bugs are worth more!" Irvine gasped. He got the key from Seifer's KO-ed body and put it in Selphie's Moogle backpack.
"Okay, well," Selphie began, "Let's continue to help Cid, he's probably getting impatient."
"No!" Irvine said. "We don't even know where the heck we are. How are we supposed to help that guy?"
"With the Cait Sith and Moogle's help, of course." Selphie had a bright smile upon her face and jumped up and down.
"Well, I'll be seeing you guys," Squall/Leon said while walking back to his own little world.
"Bye, Squall!" Selphie squealed and waved toward Leon's back. She turned toward Irvine and smiled. "Let's get going, Irvine!"
Selphie tightly grabbed Irvine's hand and dragged him to the next place to go, the lookout tower and near a random river.
When they got there, they saw Cid at the top of the tower.
"Hey Cid!" Selphie called out.
"Howdy ya'll!" Cid jumped down from the top and landed right in front of Selphie.
"Looks like we have to cross that river that's about one foot wide. Gee I don't know how we're going to be able to do that," Selphie thought aloud.
"Lookie here," Cid started to explain, "I got this cardboard we can put over the river and walk across it."
"Wow Cid!" Selphie jumped for joy, "You're the smartest person I've ever met!"
Cid gave a proud smile and said: "Ya, I know!"
Irvine shook his head in disappointment at his girlfriend's stupidity.
Cid then put the cardboard above the river and walked across it. "It's safe!" He said and gave a thumbs-up.
"Ladies first," Irvine said while helping Selphie onto the cardboard. Selphie started to walk across, but the cardboard broke and she ended up falling into the water.
At first she screamed, but after realizing it was only 2 inches deep, she laughed along with Cid and Irvine. Irvine pulled her up and carried her across.
Once they got across, Bayra, Donga, and Pukutak came out of nowhere and played the victory music while Cid mysteriously disappeared.
"Alright," Selphie giggled, "Where do we go next?" She looked at the map with Cait Sith on it and yelled, "Let's go to… the lake!
Irvine and Selphie ran to the lake, singing as they went.
They reached the lake and stared at it for a while.
"This is more like a pond than a lake…" Irvine whispered to himself.
Soon they saw a strange creature swim around in the murky water.
"How're we gonna get across?" Selphie whimpered.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, came Cid on a small ship.
"Cid!" Selphie and Irvine both called.
"Hop on!" Cid yelled.
Selphie and Irvine both got on the boat to head toward Treasure Island.
Suddenly, the strange creature headed toward them. It was very odd looking, had a large tongue, and had on a strange pink outfit.
"Me is Quina!" It yelled.
"Eeew," Selphie screeched. "Let's say random words in Spanish so it'll go away!"
Selphie, Irvine, and Cid then started yelling all the little Spanish phrases they knew over and over again. Quina soon grew bored and decided to leave these idiots to themselves.
Selphie, Irvine, and Cid cheered and Bayra, Donga, and Pukutak came back and played the victory music again.
They reached Treasure Island and searched for the chest of treasures. When they finally found it, Setzer and his groupie fangirls showed up!
"Hah! Thank you so much for finding the treasure for me! It's mine now, though!" He bellowed, "Isn't that right, ladies?"
"Setzer!" The fangirls squealed in a high-pitched fashion with mumbles following after that sounded like 'I love you' and 'you're such a bishie.'
Setzer smirked, grabbed the treasure chest and ran off with 10,000 fangirls chasing after him.
"Oh no!" Selphie screamed, "Our life's work is demolished because of that Setzer!" Selphie had started crying.
Irvine couldn't take the sign of Selphie's crying. He chased after Setzer and took out his gun. He aimed and pulled the trigger. Setzer fell down. The fangirls started screaming, but then realized this was a good thing. This way, they could take his clothes off and he wouldn't beat them up afterwards. Irvine was able to get past the large mob of girls around Setzer and got the treasure chest.
When he came back, Selphie stopped crying and Bayra, Donga, and Pukutak came back and played the victory music again.
"Let's get the key out of the Moogle backpack," Selphie said to thin air.
The Moogle backpack suddenly came alive and took everything out to find the key.
"Let's see, kupo," the Moogle backpack said. "Which one is the key, kupo?"
The items the Moogle backpack took out were: 1 Gil, a hairpin, a phoenix down, a potion, cure materia, the key to the treasure chest, a water bottle, and a sexy Sephiroth plushy.
After several hours of contemplation, the Moogle backpack finally figured out which one the key was and handed it to Selphie.
Selphie opened the treasure chest and inside was one million Gil, toy trains, bags of sugar, and condoms-something for everyone!
"Trains!" Selphie squealed, "I love trains!"
Selphie began playing with the trains and eating sugar while Irvine slipped some condoms in his pockets, Cid ran off with the Gil and the victory music played in the background over and over again.
But unexpectedly, Selphie and Irvine felt the ground shaking. The ground opened up and they fell down an endless hole.
They soon woke up in the train cabin. The train had reached Deling City right as Selphie and Irvine were waking up. They both looked at each other in confusion, both freaked out by their dream adventure, but then decided to just forget about it and continue their date at Deling.
And they all but Seifer and Setzer lived happily ever after. THE END!