A/N: Oops…forgot about the disclaimer. I don't own MASH, and I don't make any money from it. I wish that I did, but I don't. I'll forever remain poor. Continuing on with the story.
Chapter Three: Communists and idiots
"Captain Pierce! Hey, Hawkeye!" Radar's voice drifted through the doctor's sleep fogged brain. "C'mon, Hawk, wake up!" Hawkeye slowly woke to Radar shaking him. "Huh, what is it Radar?" He squinted his eyes. "It's still dark, why are you waking a dead man?" Radar looked nervous. "I gotta talk to you, its urgent!" The company clerk practically dressed the captain and proceeded to drag him to the office. Hawkeye sat down in Radar's chair and yawned. "What do you need, Radar?"
Radar had begun pacing. "I'm not supposed to tell you, but I don't want you in trouble." This made Hawkeye wake up a bit more. "Go on, Radar." Radar's eyes darted quickly around the room. He leaned towards the captain and whispered. "Colonel Flagg is on his way. He's going to be here to try and prove that you are a communist." Hawkeye just laughed. "Radar, he's done that before and he failed. And he'll keep trying and keep failing. Why is this so important? It's gotta be something else." He looked carefully at the corporal. "What else is there, Radar?"
Radar sighed. "He's here because someone phoned him with supposed proof that you are a communist." At the doctor's narrowed eyes, Radar continued. "Frank called him and…" Hawkeye jumped up, interrupting him. "Frank called him? And told him what? That I wanted to send our food to where it belongs, hell? Don't worry, Radar. Flagg can't do anything without solid proof." Radar sighed. "He has all the solid proof he needs." Hawkeye just stared at the paper Radar held out, and then burst out laughing. "That is the proof? My fifth grade report on communism?" He cleared his throat and began reading in an announcer's voice.
"Communism is a form of government that is not democracy. We have democracy. Russia has communism. So does China. While communism is bad, the people affected by it are not." He stopped here. "Radar, all this is is an explanation of what I thought communism was back in fifth grade. If he thinks that this is proof, than he's dumber than I thought. I'm going back to bed, Radar. Wake me if it's important. Like if the war ends." Hawkeye turned to go. "Wait, Hawk. Your dad called too. He said that the package is on its way." Hawk grinned at the corporal. "Thanks, Radar. Good night."
The next morning was bright and sunny, with no casualty's expected. BJ, Hawkeye, and Frank were going through the breakfast line, and both BJ and Hawkeye were thinking that Frank seemed a little more cheery than usual. "What happened, Frank? Did the Chinese finally see things your way? Are they going to all convert to hot dogs, baseball, the 'American Way', and an early death?" Frank just smirked. "Hardy har. Boy, you aren't going to be full of smiles and jokes by the end of the day. Just you wait." Frank took his tray and sat down next to Margaret, only to have her slap him and walk away to a different table.
BJ and Hawkeye sat down with Margaret. Hawkeye grinned at Margaret. "So, Major, why the slap in the face? Not that I minded, I'm sure he deserved it." Hawkeye sniffed at his food. "Yech. Why do they insist on giving us the same food that they served in 1943!" Potter brought his food tray over to the table. "Mind if I join you?" A chorus of scattered "not at all colonel" filled the air. "Thanks people." Colonel Potter sat down, dug into his food, and nearly spit it back out. "Sufferin' saddle soap! This is the same stuff they served me back in '43! What did the army do, run out of newer food?"
Hawkeye, BJ, and Margaret all shared a glance then burst out laughing. "Oh, by the way, Major. What did you say to Frank? He was muttering to himself about how his darling muffin slapped him, and how she was going to feel sorry for it later." Potter pointed his knife in the direction of the swamp, where Frank had escaped to. "Oh, he said some snide, rude comment yesterday, and then had the gall to repeat it today." She shook her head. "Frank needs to have a reality check. Last time that I checked, I wasn't a muffin!" Laughter exploded again. Potter was the first to sober up. "Uh, oh. Pierce, better run for the hills." He nodded towards the door of the mess tent. Just as Pierce was turning around to look, a voice boomed out. "Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce, you are under arrest for being a communist sympathizer."
Mwahahahahahahaha! I leave you now with a cliffy. Who is it? Has Frank finally flipped his lid? Stay tuned for more!