Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own the Outsiders…duh…
A/N: This is the second installment of the Love Letters Anthology. The first is In the Arms of Angels. Just a quick note: this one shot and the next will be a little mushier and a bit of what you might think to be out of character for the greasers involved, but I've thought about how they would act differently with a girl around. Also, because my character focus is from a girl, that might explain the sort of dramatic edge they have. Last but not least, I know that I've heard the title somewhere before, I just don't know that anyone truly owns it. So, until I know otherwise, just know that the title isn't purely my own creativity. Enjoy!
From the Mouths of Babes
She was always nervous around him. He made her skin crawl, the thought of him made her sick, wanting nothing more than to purge herself of his presence. Dallas Winston was better off in jail as far as she was concerned. She may not have had one non-greaser bone in her body, but he was too much for her. She knew Ponyboy felt the same, that Dal made him nervous as well.
And now, here he was, good ol' Dally, out of jail early on 'good behavior' and mingling with the gang as though nothing had happened.
Pony had just gotten back from the movies. Alone, he'd been jumped by a group of Socs, only to have both of his brothers, Steve, Two-Bit, and Dallas all come to the rescue before they cut his neck too deep.
She'd stayed behind with Johnny, and now, standing by his side, she could feel him shaking just the slightest bit. She knew that every time someone was threatened, or a car of Socs even did so much as drive by, Johnny would tense up, and even tremble a little. Everyone could see that he was a nervous wreck, but only she knew just how bad it had gotten. She was reminded of just how badly the beating had affected him every time she spotted the switchblade nestled in his back pocket.
She thought Johnny might jump out of his skin when Dally called out his name and asked him how he was doing. They all swore up and down that they'd catch the guys who'd jumped Johnny, but Ace was skeptical.
Dally eyed her coolly while Soda and Steve told him of their plans to go to the game with Evie and Sandy the next evening. She kept her eyes averted, standing close to Johnny and Ponyboy, pretending to listen to the conversation around her. She also put on a perfectly disgusted face just like Pony when Steve remarked that no "kids" were allowed to tag along to the game.
That's when Dallas piped up, saying that he'd rather hunt up some action with the three youngest of their crew. Soda and Steve shrugged, not disappointed or let down, just indifferent. Johnny moved from Ace to stand by Dally, agreeing to go along and looking to the other two for concurrence.
Pony answered hesitantly, Ace not far behind with a shy nod, trying not to cringe outwardly when Dal tossed an arm over her shoulders as Pony and Johnny gave Two-Bit a push start in his beat up car.
As Dallas left, Johnny commented on the fact that his St. Christopher medal was once again resting around his neck. Ace stuck close to Pony as Dallas sighed that Sylvia had once again been sleeping around while he was in jail. It wasn't like it was new for her - or any other greaser girl. Ace chose not to be like the other girls from their neighborhood. That shown easily enough in the fact that she was one of the gang - and that she wore the same jeans and t-shirt outfit as the boys. She found it difficult to control her laughter at Dal's comment about his two-timing ex. She thought even he'd learn eventually.
As Dallas walked away, Ace nearly let out a sigh of relief. She could never tell any of the guys exactly how she felt about Dally. Johnny especially could never know. Ace knew how much her best friend admired the roughest of their gang.
Once Darry told Pony that he had homework, and Pony disappeared inside, Johnny and Ace discussed the option of going to their respective homes, both knowing that they'd most likely end up at the lot, curled up in front of a fire together and wondering what their future held if they made it through tomorrow.
"One of these days, Johnny, we're gonna have to go home, right?" Ace asked, curled up against him as always, tucked underneath his arm.
"Well, if we can make it a while longer, we'll be able to get out of here. I promise, Ace," he answered, pulling her closer to his body.
Soon, the sun would disappear behind the horizon, and it would really get cold. That was always the hardest part of the night for them. They'd been through it plenty of times to know that they'd have to rely on each other for warmth and protection.
"Do you think they guys know how often we sleep out here?" Ace wondered aloud.
"I don't know. Prob'ly not. I don't think I want them to know. I don't want their pity just because I can't go home all the time," Johnny shrugged, digging a cigarette out of the pocket of his worn jeans jacket.
"I guess I don't think of it as pity. They're our family, they worry, that's all," she reasoned, taking Johnny's cigarette from between his lips and taking a long drag herself.
"This coming from the girl who keeps as quiet as possible about her family," Johnny chuckled.
"It's not like you're all that forthcoming about your home life," she scoffed, only slightly offended.
"You know when you talk like that, you remind me of Pony," he said through smoke, stubbing his cigarette out on the ground next to him.
"Talk like what? Like I actually pay attention in school?"
"So it's my fault that I hate school?" he drawled.
"It's not like you try all that hard," Ace admitted.
Put off, Johnny sat up, pushing Ace away from him. Standing, he paced next to the fire, while Ace watched from the ground.
"Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm tired, I didn't know what I was sayin', I didn't mean it," she pleaded, brushing hair back from her face.
"Yeah? Well, it sure sounded like you meant it. I can't help that the shit they put in books doesn't come as easily to me as it does to you and Pony," he stated. She could see that she'd really upset him, without meaning to at all. "You know, I never thought I'd hear one of the gang, one of my friends...you...talk about me like I'm stupid. It's not like I don't already realize that my teachers think so."
"Johnny, you are not stupid. I didn't mean that, I swear," Ace soothed, standing and moving toward him. Behind him, she placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned her forehead against his back.
He could feel her leaning against him, the warmth of her hands sinking through his jacket and t-shirt. It was times like these that he was reminded of how short she was.
Turning to face her, he could feel the beginning of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I know. I guess I'm just a little tired, too," he sighed quietly, looking down into her dark eyes.
"I don't want you to think that I don't care about you, Johnny. And I don't want you to turn out like - " she stopped suddenly, realizing exactly what she was about to divulge.
"Like what?" he asked as she walked away. "C'mon Ace, you can tell me anything."
Sighing, she knew that he'd be able to tell immediately if she lied. "Like Dallas. He's so cold and hard because he doesn't care about anyone and no one cares about him - or ever has. I couldn't stand it if you became like that," she stated sadly.
Across the fire from her, she could barely see the smile Johnny tried to hide. "What? I'm trying to be serious, ass!" she yelled.
"You thought I didn't know that you don't like Dal?" he snickered. Shocked, she nearly breaks out laughing in spite of herself. "You practically run off when he comes down the block. We all know."
"Well, I know how you look up to him. I didn't want you to think I felt any diff'rent. I guess I just wanted to sound tough, like nothing got to me," she explained, sitting once again.
"You're a smart, decent girl. You'd be crazy not to find some part of him gross," Johnny laughed again, sitting next to her and throwing an arm over her shoulders. "Now, if you were like all the other girls from 'round here - "
"Don't you even think it, Johnny Cade," she scolded, cutting him off. "You know how awful I think they are."
Johnny laughed, his dark eyes glowing in the firelight. "Well, I always figgered Soda was more your type," he stated, lighting another cigarette - he always smoked more when he was nervous, and she knew that Pony getting jumped was still on his mind.
Ignoring his behavior, she looked at him incredulously - and slightly reddened - at the idea of herself and Sodapop Curtis. "You're jokin' right?" she scoffed, nearly speechless - but that wasn't a common occurrence around Johnny. He shook his head, his smile disappearing to prove his seriousness. "And how long have you had that cockeyed idea?"
"I don't know, 'long time, I guess," he shrugged, a bit confused as to why she was so defensive. "All girls love Soda. He's good-looking, fun, and sensitive."
The picture of Soda holding Johnny in his arms after Johnny'd been jumped flashed through Ace's mind. "I guess, but he's too goofy for me," she admonished, sitting back and taking a drag of the smoke Johnny had given her. "Not to mention, all kinds of girls crawl all over him. I don't think anyone can keep him tied down. 'Cept Sandy. She's got some sorta spell over that boy." She knew she was babbling, but she didn't want this conversation about her involvement with the opposite sex to continue.
"So, if not Soda, who?" Johnny inquired, and Ace cringed inwardly. Johnny Cade was the last person on earth that she wanted to talk about this with. Ironically enough, she and Soda had discussed it on several different occasions. He was the most like a big brother to her, and she found him easy to talk to. In light of her silence, Johnny continued. "If Soda's too goofy, I guess Two-Bit's out of the running," he stated as though it were some elaborate game. She nodded. "Yeah, he's got a screw loose somewhere, god love 'im."
She had to laugh at that. They all thought Two-Bit was too far off his rocker to be serious about anything - the switchblade he carried said differently.
"Not Steve, I hope," Johnny scoffed, a disgusted look on his face. She returned the look, but still didn't speak. "I know it ain't Dally. Darry?" The look on his face said everything she needed to know about that option - he was a bit old for her. She was still wondering why Johnny was going through the gang like they were the only guys on earth. "That leaves Pony and me."
She cringed, and finally found her voice, "Johnny, this isn't somethin' I want to talk about. 'Sides, it's not like ya'll are the only guys around."
Johnny gave her a serious look, reminding her of how protective they all were of her. Johnny may have been the gang's pet, but she was their nearly adopted little sister - even Steve and Dally. Even if those looks Dally gave her weren't exactly what you'd call brotherly.
"Well, for the sake of your own skin and those other guys, I'd hope we're the only ones around you," he said, his face still grave.
She loved that they all cared about her so much - god knew they were the only ones - but sometimes she wanted the freedom to have her own life. They did, she knew that from all the bragging she heard. She should be able to have her secrets, her time where one of them wasn't breathing down her neck. Of course, that was difficult when she constantly craved the attention of a certain one.
"I said, you better not be hangin' around any other guys," Johnny pushed after her long silence.
"Oh, Johnny," she sighed heavily, sounding defeated. "When would I have the time? With at least one of ya with me at nearly all times, I think you'd know by now."
"I don't know," he replied sheepishly. "Girls have lots of secrets."
"Not me," she muttered, hoping he hadn't heard. She was wrong.
"What? Hey, earlier I said you could tell me anything, not that you tell me everything. You've definitely got things hidden from me."
She looked up at him earnestly. She knew there were things he didn't know about her, but whatever they were, one of the gang knew them. And there were things he knew about her that the others didn't. That's just the way she figured it worked best.
"You may not know things, but whatever you name, I can guarantee that at least one of the guys does," she shrugged, finding nothing wrong with this fact.
"I thought you were my best friend, Gracie," he choked, feeling confused and lost.
Now she knew she was in deep, he never used anything but Ace to address her - but she had to admit that she liked the way 'Gracie' sounded from Johnny.
"Johnny, I spread my secrets out. There are just some things that I can't tell certain people. For example, do you know that I sleep only when I'm out here with you - or anywhere with you?" she declared without thinking. He shook his head, staring up at her, dazed. "Soda does. And do you know that I have fears of losing you that cause me nothing but tears?" Again, Johnny shook his head. "Pony does. It's only with you, no one else. Pony and I don't get it. I care for all of you, but only my daydreams of you getting hurt in a fight and never coming back to me are so vivid that sometimes Pony has to violently shake me from them and then convince me that it's not real. Sure, I've had nightmares of terrible things, but never like when I think of losing you - and that's when I'm awake! Bet you didn't know that's why Pony rushes home from fights like he does."
This was all hitting Johnny too quickly. He shook his head again. He knew that the boys cared about him, even if his parents didn't. He also knew that Ace cared about him - to a certain extent at least. He never would have guessed any of this.
By now, he could see the tears streaming from her eyes, glistening in the firelight. "I had no idea," he admitted.
"And now I'm nothing to you but a blubbering, over emotional, love struck girl," she said between sobs.
That last bit surprised him more than if she were to yell out 'April Fools' and laugh hysterically. "Ace, I could never think of you in a bad way. You're my best girl - my only girl. I wish you'd have told me all these things, maybe I could've helped. And as far as love struck, well, like you said, I ain't stupid." She looked up at him, a mixture of surprise and embarrassment in her dark eyes. "What kinda guy in his right mind wouldn't notice a girl like you?" he asked, a slight smile playing on his lips.
"You mean, you knew? And you didn't say anything! You bastard," she yelled, punching him in the chest.
He clutched his jacket where she'd hit him, and looked at her, as confused as ever. "Glory, no," he scoffed, trying hard not to cough. "But I wasn't about to tell you how I felt, no the way you fawn over Soda and Pony."
"I do not 'fawn' over them," she sighed roughly, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's just, we have a connection because I can tell them things I can't tell you."
"Couldn't," he corrected. She looked at him, her brow furrowed in bewilderment. "You told me all those things, so it should be 'couldn't'."
She smiled, her eyes gleaming. "Oh, Johnny Cade, I do believe you actually learned something from that shit they put in books." He glared at her playfully, wrapping his arms around her waist like always when they settled in for sleep.
"Shut your trap," he said in a low voice. "Now you just ruined a perfectly good moment."
She laughed, placing her arms over his where they rested around her. "Actually, there's one more thing," she began, and felt Johnny shift as she closed her eyes in hesitation. "I kinda, well, I like you," she said in nearly a whisper. She didn't have to look at him to know that he was giving her the 'no shit' look. "Soda knew."
It was his turn to laugh. "You mean to tell me Sodapop Curtis can keep a secret?"
Fin