Chapter 5

Thinking

I snapped back to reality, aware of a dull ache in my left shoulder. I was lying on the ground, sprawled out in a very awkward position. I slowly pulled misled in to a sitting position, noting that I had no control over my left arm.

I tentatively lifted the offending limb, to inspect it. A pain ripped through me; almost worse than the crippling shocks that accompanied my 'visions'. I gasped and dropped my arm; it fell limply to my side. I hissed, gritting my teeth, and gripped my arm again. I was determined to get a good look at it, and I needed to lift it to so that. A loud pop issued from my shoulder joint and I hissed again at the pain. I froze nervously, hoping that I hadn't caused any serious injury.

I very carefully attempted to use the arm. I sighed with relief and grinned triumphantly when I succeeded. The pain had been reduced to a faint throbbing, and I was confident that would disappear soon. I hopped to my feet, jubilant that I had avoided permanent damage. I paused - it felt like I should have been hurt more, or possibly dead.

I shrugged off the odd feeling, and gracefully twirled to face the house. I began to skip toward the door, and stopped when I heard an owl hoot in the distance. I whirled to face the sky, realizing that it was night-time, and too beautiful to be indoors.

I climbed to the highest branches of a nearby Live Oak with ease. I felt the breeze blow through my short hair, and I leaned back against the trunk of the oak. I closed my eyes, attempting to relax. I soon gave up, and looked up at the stars, thinking. I realized in surprise that I was doing exactly as my vision had fore-told. I smiled. I knew they were true then. I've been thinking way too much… I mused, sighing.

I looked down at the house, and turned my attention to it. If I painted the walls and brought in some new furniture… I began planning ways to remake the house. When I had the plans all laid out in my mind, I just gazed at it.

What could I do with this house? No one here would accept me… I had just killed two people who probably had families and friends in Biloxi. I knew of no other vampires, and my visions told me that I was definitely not in Mississippi in the future. I knew I wouldn't last here very long. I loved this house because it was the most familiar thing to me… I had woken up in this house. But I knew it wasn't mine and I supposed that an owner could show up and claim it at any time.

But what chance did a pathetic human land-owner have against me? I grinned wickedly, imagining what I could do to him. I began to feel the guilt creep up on me again, and I abruptly halted that train of thought.

Why was I feeling guilty? My instinct knew that these humans were food… nothing more. But I felt for them, I pitied them. They had families, and friends. For that I envied them. What right did I have to kill innocent people, just because I felt wanted to?

But, I didn't just want to. I needed to. The ravenous hunger that overtook me all too often clearly displayed my need. I didn't think I could survive without feeding.

And yet… there had been that vision… of feeding off a deer. I grimaced; imagining that taste. But, maybe it would be worth it. If I could restrain myself, then I could live without this piercing guilt. Maybe… I could argue with myself more tomorrow.

I jumped out of the tree, confident that I would be fine. I whooped and laughed, reveling in this incredible sensation. It was like flying! I landed with only a slight jolt to my feet, grinning immensely. The rush of wind that had followed my descent pushed dangerously hard on the oak, and it groaned and bent under the stress. I smiled even wider.

I began to head toward the house, but stopped halfway there. I had to leave. I was hiding in this white house, and I would waste away with my questions and visions if I stayed here. I needed to go, to search for my answers, and for Jasper. I had to find him first, before he found whoever he was looking for. Perhaps I could erase the pain that filled his striking eyes.