Standard disclaimers apply, please read and review.)

DD2: Thanks! My one any only review for my last chap! (Hold back tears!) This chap is for you!

Webb's POV

I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel as I waited for the light to change. Loosening my tie, I sighed and watched the light as I thought about my last few weeks at home.

I had to admit, but of course not aloud, that not doing field work had advantages. Not having to worry about if I was going to die or was I going to get the job done, has been great, but also boring as hell.

I joined the CIA because of my father, because I wanted to carry on the family tradition, but sometimes I wondered if that was a mistake. Maybe I should have followed my mother's advice and become a doctor or hell even a lawyer.

Even though the events in Paraguay have long since passed, they are still on my mind a lot, including what came after that.

I still have feelings for Sarah, yes, but I knew I wasn't the right person for her. And I know that Rabb will take good care of her. I'm just glad that we all could remain friends.

But still, the though of almost getting the person I cared about most in the world killed, still lays heavily on my shoulders. I vowed to myself long ago that I would never put anyone I cared in that position, but time no time again that has happened.

I'll still never forget the time I almost got Rabb killed on my so called "crazy missions" three days before his wedding. I thought the entire JAG staff was going to have me killed. Not to mention what Mac wanted to do to me.

But as much as I swore and promised not ever to fall in love, so I wouldn't hurt them, or hurt myself, I fell in love. But this time is different, because this time, I fell hard.

Her name is Katherine Lewis, a stunning woman, who as my mother says, runs in the same circles as her friends do. So I knew when she said that, that I had her approval. At five foot seven, she had the most beautiful baby blue eyes and cream colored skin. She just blew me away.

We have been seeing each other for over three months now, and the relationship has been turning new corners ever since then.

Of course, to protect myself, I did an innocent back-round check, just to make sure that no one was trying to play me.

Being in the CIA, I've been sucked into to many of those situations.

She is a first grade teacher at Woods-burrow elementary, and has been teaching there four six years this May. While watching her teach, I realized what a gift she has with those kids, and just what a beautiful person she is.

Who knew that love could make a person so poetic?

When the traffic started moving again, my mind switched to my other concern, which was Brady. While being on desk duty at State, it has given me a lot more free time to spend with the kid, and I had to admit that he's growing on me. Not to mention scoring points for me with Katherine.

But the last time I saw him, I could tell that something was bothering him, but he didn't say nor let on what that was.

But as his big brother, it is my job to help him sort out those problems so I knew that I had to think of some way to make him talk. And I knew all of the normal ways that I could get information out of someone wasn't going to work this time.

Driving him back to the center last night, he kept his headphones around his neck, with the music blasting, telling me that he just didn't want to talk, but I still tried.

"So what did you think of the movie? Enough action and gore in it for you?"

But he didn't answer. The only thing I could hear was his music.

Everyone plays along
Get them giving or steal the life they're breathing
They'll grow sickened
Take their secret codes and signals
Discover all they know
Keep up the pace now until it all dries up

while I was trying to go along with the music, I couldn't help but compare the lyrics with my own life. I couldn't help but scoff at the thought that these lyrics were right. I grew sick "Taking their secret codes and signals discovering all they know, keeping up the pace until it all dries up." Had I not lived my life that way?

You'll never find out now
That all these absent elements
Build your comfortable defense stronger still

Like an emptiness

I gave it up. I gave up the field work, because even though I knew I was good at my job and saving people in the end, the job itself was sucking the life out of me. It was just time to walk away and let someone else do the job, so I can try and get back some of that emptiness in my life.

And while sometimes I wake up in the morning, in my nice comfy bed with no worries besides getting to the office on time, I do still regret the thrill that I gave up, but just because I regret it, doesn't mean that I'll being going back. Not anytime soon.

Way too early to consider losing
Vacant staring may discover some reflection
Or may discover none
Just think what you've done
And watch it all add up

But just because I've stopped working in the field, doesn't mean I have given up my job all together. Intelligence gathering is a hard job that takes dedication, in and out of the office, and as I look at my reflection in the mirror in the morning, trying to make some sense of my life, trying to add up all of the good things that I have done. I still can't come up with anything good that can be said about my personal life. I am almost forty years old, living alone with no ultimate plans for my future. Well maybe with Catherine, and now Brady, some of my life will start making sense.

Maybe now the emptiness in my heart will finally heal.

Like an emptiness you'll never fill

TBC

PLEASE REVIEW

Can anyone figure out the song I used?

(Just as a little quiz)