Kari collapsed on her bed, her mind spinning from what happened just moments ago. She inhaled deeply trying to calm her nerves and reduce the flush on her cheeks and neck. Estorel had kissed her, she had kissed him, and she had thoroughly enjoyed it.
He wanted her. In what way Kari did not know, but Estorel had wanted her. And that feeling alone was exhilarating. All this time she thought male elves would never want her because of her obvious shortcomings, but Estorel had. She would be eternally grateful to him for giving her confidence in herself.
But she could not offer him anything, and that realization made her feel guilty. She could not offer him her heart and she would not offer him her body because he did not have her heart. How could she rightfully be with someone who she did not love? And how could she expect someone to be with her when she did not love him? It would be unfair and selfish of her, and she would not allow herself to do that, no matter how pleasurable the experience with Estorel had been.
For indeed it was very pleasurable. It made her feel sensations she had never felt before. A jittery excitement coursed through her body.
It had been her first kiss.
The next afternoon, after her morning apprenticeship at the Healer's Hall was over, Kari made her way to the practice field. She saw Legolas shooting arrows so roughly that she thought he might break his bowstring. She knew he only did this when he was angry, and when he was angry, practices were harder.
"Good afternoon, Legolas," she said as she approached him.
"Kari," he acknowledged, his voice sounding empty.
"Why are you upset?" she asked him cautiously as he pulled another arrow back tightly.
"I am not upset."
"You are shooting like you are," she pointed out.
"What business is it of yours?" he snapped.
Kari stepped backwards, picking up her bow to shoot with him. "I'm sorry. I should not have pried."
"You are still assuming I am upset."
"You are. Whether you admit to it or not."
Legolas did not answer her. They continued to shoot arrows in silence.
Legolas had not rested peacefully last night. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Kari's passion-filled face. He could not help thinking about what he had seen and what it all meant. Kari was now an adult, a mature individual with a lustful side. Thinking of her in such a context was unnerving and upsetting. He did not know why he did not see this before, but he had not. Sure males looked at Kari with unhidden desire, but Legolas had assumed that Kari did not have those types of feelings for males. It was foolish to think such a thing. She was eighteen years old, and in many places, she was old enough to marry and bear children. But he never applied his common sense to Kari. He had assumed she would not have grown up…at least not that way. And the notion that somewhere he had missed something, in addition to an unfaltering clench around his heart that he could not explain, bothered him greatly.
Had Kari kissed other people before Estorel? When did she begin to have feelings for someone? Were she and Estorel together now?
As they were shooting, Estorel passed by with another male elf and glanced at Kari with a look in his eyes as though he and Kari shared a secret. She smiled softly at him and looked away guiltily.
Had they slept together?
Legolas clenched his jaw and set down his bow. He picked up his short swords and motioned Kari to do the same.
They sparred, and as Kari had anticipated, Legolas was significantly more aggressive than he had been in the past. He was quicker, his attacks were harder, and his face was like stone. Perhaps that was what frightened Kari the most. Usually when they sparred, Legolas would have an amused expression on his face, as though he was teasing Kari with his superiority. He knew this would only spurn Kari to attack stronger and block quicker.
But now he looked as though he was fighting an enemy.
She continued to attack and block and dodge and tumble out of Legolas' way. Now she was truly reacting on instinct and on the will to survive because Legolas' strikes seemed like they would have truly connected had she not blocked them. After fifteen minutes, Kari was exhausted and getting sloppy, but Legolas would not let up on his attack.
"Legolas...can we…." Kari panted out. "Ah!" she screamed dropping her weapons and kneeling on the ground. Her right upper arm was bleeding steadily and she gripped it tightly to try and slow down the bleeding. The pain was immense and she shut her eyes as they watered.
Legolas froze, horrified at what he had just done. His left short sword had blood on the tip - Kari's blood. He dropped the swords as though they burned him. Finally his mind began functioning normally and he knelt beside Kari.
"Kari, we must get you to the Healer's Hall," he said urgently.
She nodded mutely and got up. Legolas guided through the crowd of people who had gathered to watch the match. Kari stumbled through the crowd beside him, so he picked her up and rushed quickly to the Healer's Hall.
As he watched the healer wrap Kari's arm, he had never been so disgusted with himself. They had had injuries before, but they had been superficial ones. Bruises, small nicks with the sword, scraps were to be expected. But Legolas had cut Kari deeply, deep enough so that by the time he carried her into the Healer's Hall, blood had dripped down the entire length of her arm and puddled on his shirt underneath.
"You shall be fine, my dear," the Healer said affectionately as he left her sitting on a bed in the Healer's Hall.
"Thank you, Master," Kari replied appreciatively.
She knew that in a few days, like all the other injuries she received, the cut would be gone. She would continue to wear the bandage to prevent suspicion as to how she healed so quickly though.
Kari never managed to find out what caused her to have the "gift" of healing, for nothing in any of the books she ever read said anything about this. She at first had been frustrated by this, but then she figured she would just ignore her ability. She did not try healing anything since the horse.
She looked at Legolas standing to the side and saw how awful he looked. His eyes were filled with guilt and anguish.
"Do not look so forlorn, Legolas," she said to him with a smile.
"I am despicable," he said quietly, unable to look at Kari.
Kari chuckled softly. "Hardly. It was not your fault. I should have blocked the attack," she said.
Legolas managed to look up at Kari and shook his head. "It is my fault. You were trying to tell me to stop, and I did not listen."
"An enemy would not stop if I asked him to," Kari said.
Legolas shook his head again. "I am not your enemy. I am your teacher and your friend. I took out my anger on you and hurt you."
"Ah, so admit you were angry," Kari said, still smiling.
"Kari, this is not something to jest about," he said, his voice serious as he approached her and held her hands. "I am sorry. So sorry. It will not happen again," Legolas said with much conviction.
"I already forgave you, Legolas," Kari replied, equally serious. She could not imagine something she would not forgive him for. He had done too much for her and meant too much to her.
The corner of Legolas' lips quirked up slightly. He kissed her forehead and touched his forehead to hers. He then softly dragged his forehead to the left, so that his cheek now rested lightly next to hers.
"I do not deserve your forgiveness," he whispered guiltily. No matter what Kari said, he was still upset with himself and probably would be for a while.
Kari's forehead and cheeks felt like they were on fire. She did not think Legolas could incite this type of reaction from her anymore, but apparently she was wrong.
"I was upset because we did not have our last dance," Legolas explained.
Kari's breath hitched. Last night. She had completely forgotten. "I was with…"
"Estorel," Legolas said, cutting her off.
Kari stopped breathing. He knew. How much did he know? He sounded hollow when he said Estorel's name. She did not know what this meant. "I am sorry."
"It is difficult to see the most important female in my life find herself a new most important male," Legolas admitted. He rubbed his cheek against hers affectionately.
Kari gulped hard and pulled away from him, their hands and cheeks no longer connected. This feeling he was giving her with his words and touch was too much to take. "Estorel and I are not together," she explained.
Then why was he kissing you? Legolas thought. "Because he fears your mortality?" he asked, his blue eyes piercing right through her.
Kari hesitated. "Precisely," she lied. "It would not be fair. I cannot ask someone to make that kind of sacrifice."
"Why not?"
"My father did not make it for my mother. Why should I expect someone to make it for me?" Kari asked him softly.
Legolas sighed. "Your father was an exception. An appalling exception. When elves find the love of their lives, they mate for life."
Kari did not say anything.
"You will find someone who will gladly make the sacrifice, because it would not be a sacrifice to him," Legolas explained.
Kari smiled. "You are hopeful."
"I know it to be so," Legolas said.
"Regardless, Legolas, no one will ever supplant you in my life," Kari said as she reached out to hold one of his hands in her two.
Legolas looked down at her hands wrapped around his. She had touched him. Legolas squeezed her hands with appreciation.
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. I appreciate the comments. The tension is beginning to build, but don't expect a diffusion soon. Kari still needs to grow up some more and Legolas still needs to wake up some more. Take care!