Author's Note: Intentionally ooc crackfic. Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.
It was a normal morning, just like any other morning, at the Elite Four Headquarters. Karen was sitting at the normal kitchen table, sipping her normal decaf coffee. Bruno was in the chair next to her, reading the normal Johto newspaper. Will sat across from them both, flipping through the horoscopes as he did every morning. Yes, it would be a very normal day… or so everyone thought.
A very perky Lance suddenly burst into the room, his face beaming. "Guess what?" he practically shrieked.
Karen sighed; it was too early for this nonsense. "What, O' Great Dragon Master?" she replied, her voice a mix of sarcasm and annoyance.
Lance didn't seem to notice and continued eagerly. "Well," he replied, jumping up and down excitedly, "This morning I got a call from Jasmine! She says the lighthouse is working better than ever… in fact, only three ships have crashed on the rocky shores this month." He paused. "Oh, and she heard a rumor from Johto…"
He glanced around nervously to make sure nobody was listening, before leaning over the table until his face was level with his three colleagues. "Misty and Brock are going to lose their jobs…"
Will snorted. "Like THAT would ever happen," he scoffed. "Everyone knows Jasmine is a lunatic who has no clue what she's talking about…"
"Kind of like someone else we know," added Karen, casting an accusing glare at Lance, who (unsurprisingly) didn't seem to notice.
"I miss the Gym Leaders…" the aforementioned Dragon Master continued. The exuberance his eyes once held was now replaced by sorrow. "You know, it's really a shame we can't see them more often…"
"Yeah, a shame…" a very bored Karen replied, slowly taking another sip of her coffee.
Lance suddenly perked up again. "But you know what?"
Silence.
The three elite Pokemon trainers stared at Lance, who was standing there with a somewhat mischievous grin on his face. After a minute or two, it soon became apparent that the Dragon Master had no intention of leaving… so Will decided to ask the dreaded question.
"What?"
Lance beamed with pride. "I found a solution!" He waited a few seconds to let the magnitude of the discovery sink in. "I invited the Gym Leaders over!"
"You WHAT?" screamed Bruno, suddenly looking less like a member of the Elite Four and more like a frightened Pichu.
Karen nearly choked on her coffee.
From across the table, Will slowly stood up and crept towards the door. This definitely wasn't going to be pleasant…
Karen, who had now regained her composure, was fuming with anger, a maniacal grin slowly forming on her face. Her low chuckles soon erupted into diabolical laughter. Her eyes, now flaring with hatred, glared fiery daggers at Lance, who (for the first time in a long time) seemed utterly and truly afraid.
"Lance?" she asked, her ice-cold voice barely above a whisper.
"Y-yes?" he replied nervously, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead.
"Exactly WHO did you invite over?"
"Um…" He had hoped he could get out of this mess by not giving Karen an answer… He had hoped she would eventually give up if he was silent long enough… He had hoped wrong.
"WHO DID YOU INVITE OVER!" Karen screeched. She grabbed the Dragon Master by his collar and shook him violently.
"Erika… Sabrina… Janine… Blaine… Falkner… Bugsy… Whitney… Morty… Jasmine… Chuck… Pryce… Claire… Flannery… Winona… Tate… Liza… Wallace… Agatha… and Champion Gary…" he managed to gasp in response.
Karen released her grasp on poor Lance, stepping back to study the moron that stood before her. "That's eighteen people!" she fumed, the veins bulging on her forehead.
"Nineteen," corrected Koga, who had apparently snuck into the room unnoticed.
"And how long are they staying?" asked Karen. At first glance it seemed as if she had regained her composure; however, a twitch in her left eye proved otherwise.
Lance laughed nervously. "Um, a week?"
Karen did a double take. "A w-week?" she stuttered.
"That can't be good for my sanity levels," remarked Will.
"I want my mommy…" Bruno whined, curling up in a fetal position.
Karen grabbed Lance's cape forcefully and jerked him near until their faces were mere inches apart. "And how are we supposed to FEED these people!" she demanded.
"I thought you would know," he replied meekly.
Karen looked as if she was about to murder Lance. Luckily for him, at that time the doorbell decided to ring.
"I'll get it!" he exclaimed, running into the lobby.
And one very angry Queen of Darkness was left fuming in the kitchen.
Meanwhile…
Lance opened the door to reveal the nineteen previously mentioned people (and one not mentioned). Liza and Tate ran inside, soon followed by the rest of the "mob". The trainers dispersed themselves throughout the house, despite Will's icy glares and Karen's threats.
"If you don't leave my house RIGHT NOW I'll-" She was interrupted by a scream of, "Hey, they have food!" followed by nearly a dozen people stampeding past her into the kitchen.
Karen casually strolled over to Lance and put her hand on his shoulder. "Don't think I'll forget about this…" she whispered in his ear. She dug her fingernails into his shoulder
Lance laughed nervously.
Thankfully, this awkward and threatening moment was broken by… an even more awkward and threatening moment. It's amazing how that works, isn't it?
"My dear Lance, how are you?" a voice cooed. Karen released her grip on Lance's shoulder as he felt someone tackle him from behind, embracing him in the hug of death. The Dragon Master's face turned pale.
"Lo-re-lei?" He moaned out the syllables, his voice cracking slightly.
"So this is your replacement, Lorelei?"
Karen turned to see an elderly woman, presumably the former Elite Four member Agatha, scrutinizing her.
Lorelei, who was too busy glomping a terrified Lance, didn't answer.
"Save… me," the Dragon Master wept.
Suddenly, a lightning bolt struck Lorelei, causing her to fall to the ground (and slightly charring Lance's cape).
"I demand to know… who did this," she wheezed.
I did.
"Thank you!" responded Lance, sobbing with joy.
Karen glanced around (somewhat) nervously. "Who are you talking to?"
No response.
Agatha sauntered off, mumbling something about "kids these days."
Lance, Karen, and a very burnt Lorelei shared a moment of awkward silence.
The sound of the refrigerator door opening was heard.
"Hey, look what I found!" exclaimed a female voice.
"That's not edible! It's GREEN for goodness sakes!" somebody shouted in response.
"But we have to eat SOMETHING," the first voice moaned. "Tate, Liza. Made any progress?"
"Almost…"
"there…"
The Mossdeep gym leaders responsed.
"Got it!" Liza shouted.
Tate screamed, which was soon followed by the sound of breaking glass.
Karen ran to the kitchen. A curious Lance followed, careful not to trip over Lorelei, who was still lying on the ground.
"What happened here?" demanded Karen when she reached the kitchen. Tate and Liza were sprawled on the floor, eating Pringles. Shattered around them were various pieces of China. Various pieces of very EXPENSIVE china. Whitney stood by the refrigerator, poking a green blob of… something, and trying to decide if it was edible. The rest of the Gym Leaders had, apparently, left the vicinity.
"We were hungry," replied Tate. He popped another Pringle into his mouth.
"I never knew we had Pringles!" exclaimed Lance. "May I have one?"
Liza handed him a Pringle.
"That's not what I meant!" shouted Karen. She was once again interrupted, this time by a high-pitched squeal.
Bruno darted into the room. "Don't let them catch me," he whined, hiding behind Lance.
Gary, Falkner, and Jasmine burst in the room seconds later. Gary held a fork in one hand and a knife in the other. Falkner had an axe slung over his shoulder, while Jasmine carryied a giant chainsaw.
"Where did the turkey go?" Gary asked, drool running down his chin.
Falkner and Jasmine glanced around.
Bruno peeked out from behind Lance's cape.
"There it is!" exclaimed Gary, pointing an accusing knife at Bruno, who darted out of the room, fearing for his life. Gary, Falkner, and Jasmine rushed out of the kitchen in hot pursuit.
"Don't let it get away!" exclaimed Gary.
Karen turned to Lance. 'Compared to those four,' she thought, 'maybe he isn't that bad…'
"Aren't Pringles the best," asked Lance. Tate and Liza nodded in affirmation.
Never mind. He was an idiot.
Imp: Well, I needed a dose of insanity, so I finally retyped the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed it.
Yudoko: In the next chapter we see if Bruno lives, and everyone goes to McDonalds. Yay, McDonalds!
Imp: Have a nice day and be sure to leave a review on your way out.