Hiding Under The Ninth Earth
Book Four : A Two-Edged Sword
Part Three : The Flat of the Blade
5 August 2004
Perrin blew the candles on his cake--all thirteen of them--and made his wish. A secret wish, hugged tight within him. A wish for something he'd overheard, something he was not supposed to know, but now that he did... How much he wanted it scared him.
After his two families had cheered and clapped and slapped his back until he almost tipped into the small cake, Ben started another verse to the simple birthday song he claimed 'everyone' used. As the last "...happy birthday to you," faded in a mish-mash of voices somehow blending into one note, Harry blew out his own candles--all seven of them--two fat ones representing each decade with five smaller ones for the years. When he finally got them all extinguished in two panting breaths, he blushed, the colour a welcome addition to his too-pale cheeks and shadow-marred eyes. A small frown bracketed his mouth before it smoothed into a sheepish grin.
"That was pitiful," he rasped, as the others laughed and clapped just as they had for Perrin, but he noticed no one patted Harry the way they had him, even when he'd coughed a bit from the candles' smoke. And maybe that was because Severus was standing right behind his chair, his hand on his shoulder, as he had been ever since they'd started this double birthday party.
At first Perrin had thought Severus was helping Harry stay upright in the chair--he did still tire easily--but from the vantage of their weeks watching over Harry together, the way Severus' long fingers curled over Harry's shoulder told him it probably meant more. Perrin shrugged to himself, thinking it really didn't matter; he'd since learned that nothing about Harry or Severus was ever simple. It was much easier to concentrate on cutting his small cake, German Chocolate with a haupia centre, which was making his mouth water.
Letting the coconut frosting melt in his mouth, Perrin surveyed the small group gathered for his and Harry's belated birthdays. His guardians' living room was festooned with bright balloons and coloured streamers; confetti had been scattered all over the furniture which had been added to accommodate the extra guests. Most of them were gathered around Harry, now seated comfortably in his chair. Even seated next to him as they were, Ben and Kalani might as well as been in another room given they were laughing with the others, and that was fine. He'd not been back in Hana long enough to grow accustomed to so many people after the almost silent solitude he'd shared with Severus at Hogwarts.
It was odd to see Professor Lupin in Hana, but as he was here to visit Kahealani... Perrin was glad to see him looking so sunburnt and... well, healthy was the only word Perrin could think of. He'd always looked so--tattered at school, too thin, tired, his face pale and drawn. Now he was brown, his clothing new and Muggle, and his eyes shone as if he were happy.
Professor Lupin was standing next to Kahea', who had somehow managed to almost move Severus aside, her fingers running absently through Harry's hair. As Harry's eyes started closing, his face growing lax and free of any discomfort, Perrin smiled to himself. She'd done that same thing to him a couple of times before and he knew it felt good and soothing. Watching Harry gradually sag into the chair, he wondered if maybe everyone was wrong when they said she had little magic. Maybe she was magic instead. That Harry slept without the potions just reinforced the notion. And obviously Severus thought the same thing as their eyes met across the room in that silent communication they'd developed over the previous weeks.
Ever watchful, Ben was the first of the others to notice Harry's slumber. He touched Kalani's arm and the two of them quietly gathered everyone to leave. While they all said their quiet good-byes, Malia banished all the party debris, the balloons and streamers the last to go, leaving the living room spotless. A brief hug and a, "Happy birthday, my dear," later she and Joseph were gone, followed by Professor Lupin and Kahea'; now only Ben and Kalani remained.
While Ben talked to Severus in the kitchen, Kalani sat next to him on the sofa. "Sorry it was such a short birthday."
Perrin smiled. "It's all right. Cake was good."
Kalani grinned. "Aia!" he exclaimed softly. "A birthday should be longer, especially since this is your first one here."
"First one at all in a long time," Perrin muttered, then added in a normal tone, "it was a good birthday. Even better with Harry here."
"True," Kalani said thoughtfully, looking over at the two still standing in the kitchen. Perrin followed his gaze and was surprised to see that Severus and Ben seemed to be arguing. Well, maybe that wasn't the right word, but Ben was talking fast, his hands graceful as they moved about, and Severus was glowering. Just as he was about to look away, Severus' head turned and their gazes locked. Perrin didn't know what Severus was trying to convey, if anything, but he recognized worry when he saw it, especially when that intense stare turned to Harry before returning to him. Severus' eyes softened for a moment before he turned back to Ben and nodded in resignation with a long sigh.
Kalani chuckled. "Ah, I see they finally reached a compromise--" He stopped as they watched Severus flinch away when Ben put his hand out to him, its forward movement halted smoothly and retracted as if it had never happened. Kalani sighed. "I wish he'd let him help," he remarked, his gaze dropping to the floor.
"Who?" Perrin asked. "Severus?"
Kalani nodded once, his chin pointing in his husband's direction. "Ben hides it well, but it--hurts him when Severus pushes his friendship away like that."
Perrin thought about it a moment, remembering their past interactions at Hogwarts. It was different this time. "I don't think that's what he means, it's just... He sometimes does the same thing to Harry, too, but he usually scolds him for it." Or teased him out of it.
Kalani chuckled. "Yeah, I can imagine. Harry wears his feelings like his clothing--big, baggy, and comfortable."
It was Perrin's turn to smile. Harry's open affection and the way he could make Severus laugh made him think of his dad when he was little. And maybe that was why Severus was still so grim; Harry hadn't been around to make him smile and even now that he was, his easy style had been markedly absent as he fought for his health.
"Maybe, but I think right now Severus is lonely and he can't stop, not until..." When Kalani looked at him sharply, he tried to explain, "When Harry was so sick, Severus kind of--" Perrin paused, searching for a way to make the other man understand. "It was like watching ice cubes melt in the sun until they're a puddle of water that just evaporates until it's all gone." And it had hurt to see Severus hurting. "He didn't talk to hardly anyone. It was like he was... like he was shrinking the sicker Harry got."
Kalani nodded and glanced over at the two men still talking in the kitchen, Severus looking steadily at the floor, Ben leaning closer as he spoke quietly. Perrin noticed Kalani catching and holding Ben's attention, his eyes glazing like those of someone listening hard. Ben nodded and a few moments later, when he touched Severus' shoulder, he didn't withdraw his hand when Severus twitched away, keeping it there until Severus relaxed.
As if this were his cue, Kalani stood and joined his husband. After he and Ben made their good-byes, they waited patiently for Perrin out on the lanai while he helped Severus put Harry to bed. With levitation spells and too much practice, it didn't take very long for Severus to spell Harry into a pair of sleep pants while Perrin rearranged the piles of pillows in their proper place, a duvet smoothed across the whole for Harry to lie on. Once Harry was settled partially on his side, Perrin kissed his cheek and prepared to leave. Severus pulled the other duvet up under Harry's chin, and Perrin knew his attention was already focussed on the man whose face he lightly stroked. Watching the small gesture, he wondered if Harry knew just how much Severus feared being left behind. Perrin could understand that; it was one of his biggest fears, too.
But not so much anymore. Before he'd taken a step to leave, Severus stopped him with a hand on his arm. Briefly running his fingers through Perrin's hair, he lightly touched his cheek with his fingertips. His eyes intent on Perrin's face, Severus nodded, and Perrin smiled back at him.
Walking to the front door, their nightly ritual completed to both's satisfaction, Perrin pondered just how far they'd come. After the last few weeks, he had few doubts about Severus' affections and any nervousness he'd felt with the Potions master of old had been completely stripped away by their mutual worry for Harry. And love. He could admit it now, if only to himself: he loved them both.
Joining Ben and Kalani on the lanai, they set off on foot to go to their home. The night fine and clear, Perrin let his thoughts wander while his Hanai guardians talked quietly together; that they respected his silence was another thing to like about them.
While he would have preferred being with Harry and Severus, he didn't mind staying with his Hanai family. He knew why; Severus needed to take care of Harry. He knew from the first few days after Harry had awakened that there were some things Harry felt uncomfortable anyone but Severus seeing, and that was fine, too. So when they'd come back to Hana, and Ben had suggested he stay with them to give Severus and Harry some privacy, he'd reluctantly agreed. But now? Now he wanted to be with them whenever he could. They were his family and he liked to think they needed him, too, but after yesterday's fiasco with Malia, it was...
Ben's low voice caught his attention and he listened hard.
"...your mother is so stubborn."
Kalani chuckled. "Sorry, love. The family comes with the bed."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I hated having to punish him..."
"You did fine. You punished the response, not the reason, and that's what's important. Maybe next time he'll think before he acts."
"Don't hold your breath," Ben muttered so softly Perrin could barely hear him.
"Eh, do I look blue?"
Perrin grinned in the dark and realised he was eavesdropping, again, but considering what he'd learned yesterday when he'd done so... Well, as his mother once said, sometimes good things come out of bad.
Almost to the Chan's house, he was suddenly very tired and the unexpected arm around his shoulders felt good. Leaning a bit into Kalani was nice, as was the quiet, "Almost home now, Perrin. Bed's sure gonna feel good after such a long day."
Yeah, he got that right.
.:0:. .:0:.
Severus yawned wide, his near-silent slicing of Hyssop stopping while his eyes squeezed shut over his gaping jaw. His eyes tearing, he wiped them with the cuff he'd made just below his elbow when he'd rolled up the sleeve, and resumed his cutting, the candles illuminating his work casting odd shadows beyond the small space he occupied. Swallowing another yawn, his hands picked up the pace as fast as he dared without making a sound or risking his hands. Hurry, damn it. Had to get this done before Harry woke. They were almost out of the coughing potion and while he was quite certain the batch Joseph had brought with him this evening was more than adequate...
Ignoring his little nagger calling him twice the fool, he dumped the preserved Hyssop into the cauldron, spelling the area clean for the Comfrey to follow. Not too much longer now.
This had been so much easier at Hogwarts, where the bed didn't give a flying fuck how many people were sleeping in it. Whose idea had it been anyway to bring Harry to Hana? A question to which his cackling internal companion answered the obvious: he had. Well, there was no help for it now. While he'd reinforced Kahea's efforts with a sleeping spell, there was no telling how long it would be--
"Sev'rus?"
Damn it! He needed more time. "Yes, Harry?"
"Sev... Come to... bed..." The sleepy voice called quietly, every word thickening with each gasping hesitation.
Severus immediately set the knife aside and spelled his hands clean. Almost running to the bed, he grabbed his last bottle--damn it, not enough--and reluctantly added Joseph's to the bedside table. Sitting on the bed's edge, he helped Harry sit up and leaned him against him, chest to chest. Harry's struggle for air mounted and he could feel his spouse's desperate efforts not to panic as the fluid slowly seeped into his lungs.
Holding Harry against him, his other hand summoned Joseph's bottle. He popped the cork with a practiced thumb and, once Harry was steady, poured some of the thick creamy liquid into his palm. Its colour and consistency looked all right. He sniffed it; it smelled the way it should. Hastily spreading the tingling liquid across his palms, he placed one flat on Harry's back over the raw, puckered scar, the other almost wedged between them on his chest in the same place. With firm pressure, he distributed the potion evenly, rubbing it well into the skin on both sides. Once the tingling left his hands, he tugged up the duvet Harry had been lying on, pulling it over his spouse's back and shoulders to keep him warm; the potion worked faster with heat.
As expected, Harry started coughing. Deep, barking coughs that shook Severus down to his toes. Coughs that brutally forced their way out but left no time in between to gather air to fuel their violence. Harry started choking. Desperate hands grabbed his shoulders, squeezing new bruises into old ones as the potion worked to break up the mucus and fluid lodged in Harry's still-healing lungs. His hand already reaching for a second potion on the table, he slid the lid aside, and pulling away so he could reach Harry's face, he held the steaming vial under his nose.
"Breathe, Harry. Breathe it in." Harry shook his head, his eyes watering from the acrid fumes. "I know, I know," he soothed, "it smells awful and tastes worse." He watched the tendrils enter Harry's mouth and nose, only to be blown back by the next paroxysm of coughing. "There... Not quite... Try another." Harry finally got a deeper breath as the first potion took full effect and Severus watched in satisfaction as Harry got a full dose of the second potion. He slid the lid back in place and set it aside. Pulling him close against him, he rubbed his back, trying to calm him. "Ah, see? Breathe it in deeply, love. Hold it... Hold it..." Harry's breath released in a rush. "There you go..." Thank the gods, it was almost over.
He pulled away again, awaiting the last phase. His eyes fixed on Severus, Harry panted shallowly as his face lost its crimson colour, but as before, it was too pale and only Severus could see the pinpricks of red under the skin's surface where his coughing had forced his body's blood into the pores. Harry opened his mouth. "Shhh. Don't speak. I know, you hate this part." Harry nodded even as Severus reached for a shallow Ever-clean Bucket. Almost on cue, Harry started coughing again, deep, wet barks Poppy would have called 'productive'. This time Severus eased him until he was bent over the side of the bed as his lungs forcibly expelled the blockage plaguing it. As each gob hit the bucket and disappeared, Severus observed with gratitude that they were free of any tinge of pink or red or yellow; it hadn't always been the case when Harry had been unconscious. Nor was there as much as there'd once been. He sighed, helping Harry to sit up.
"Better?" he asked, searching Harry's face for signs of further distress.
"Sore," Harry replied hoarsely, rubbing his stomach. He winced briefly and Severus could see the cramp rippling across his abdomen.
He pulled his wand. "That I can fix," he said, wishing he could fix everything else, but Quiesta had said they needed to do this with as little magic as possible; the 'unrepair' curse Mendino had used on Harry's broom had caused just as much damage to Harry as it had his Firebolt. And while it had been removed, the aftereffects still lingered; it would take some time--at least a month--for them to completely dissipate. So until then, Harry had to heal in this mostly-Muggle manner.
Harry relaxed with his small spell. The crisis over, he eased his husband back against the mound of pillows keeping him partially elevated so he could breathe easier and pulled the covers up around him. As he stood to go back to work, Harry grabbed his hand. "No, Sev'rus, not tonight... it can wait... you have enough... Joseph made it fine... Come to bed... please," he panted, the effort of forcing sufficient air to speak painful to watch.
Exhaustion pulled at him. Perhaps?
"Please?"
How could he resist? "Considering I've never been able to deny you anything--" he yawned again "--Brat."
Harry grinned, and while it may have been a watery version of its normal brilliance, it still made Severus' insides melt.
He quickly changed into sleep pants and slid under the covers, checking to make certain the duvet covered Harry evenly before he laid down himself. Harry turned on his side to face him; Severus sighed and adjusted the covers accordingly, then summoned some additional pillows so that their faces were level with each other. He could tell Harry wanted to talk.
"Is Perrin still grounded?" Harry whispered.
"Yes, but Ben and I reached a compromise; it ends in three days. He can come here during the day if you wish it and help as he usually does in the evenings," Severus replied, his low rumble sounding loud when compared to Harry's breath-saving pitch.
"I'll make certain I 'wish' for it often, then. Poor kid, only back in Hana two days before he got into trouble."
"One must consider the source; Malia's carping would drive a saint to sin. Perrin can be forgiven his outburst, but not his running off as he did."
Harry sighed. "True, but this grounding thing confuses me. What's the point? Perrin likes being alone sometimes."
Severus had to agree; the boy held to himself far too much. However, limiting him to his room had seemed far too lenient for placing himself at such risk when he'd run off from Malia's home yesterday. That is until Ben had commented this evening that perhaps his over-reaction was more fuelled by Harry's recent brush with Mendino than anything the boy had done. And, damn him, he'd been right.
"Well, for now, it's not our concern. He's Ben and Kalani's responsibility, while ours is to--.
"I know, get me well." He sighed, shifting a bit closer and Severus couldn't resist the silent plea any more than any thing else Harry wanted. While he couldn't hold him the way he so desperately wanted, he could touch him, and did, his hand carding through Harry's hair and stroking his cheek and shoulder.
"Hmmm," Harry purred, resting his hand on Severus' chest. Eyes half-lidded in pleasure, he said, "Did Joseph ever find out where he went?"
"No."
"Mmmm. I think he came to the house."
Severus had thought so, too, but had held his tongue on the matter. Moving closer, his hand stole across Harry's waist as he replied. "You may be right."
"Think he heard what we were talking about with Ben and Kalani? About the adoption proceedings?"
"Perhaps. It's possible."
Harry nodded, his eyes gleaming in the candlelight. "Well, we'll never know." Harry chuckled. "That boy can keep a secret better than you."
"Faint praise, indeed, considering how well I can keep one from you."
"Well, that doesn't count." Harry smiled. "Vee haf our vays..."
Severus silently chuckled at the image Harry sent him through their open bond. Well, almost fully open; there was a small part he kept to himself, the part full of shadows and worry. Harry had enough on his plate without him serving up his sour fare.
He startled when Harry gently kissed his cheek. When had he got so close? "You take such good care of me," he whispered. "I'm sorry I'm such a lousy patient."
Gods, he wanted to pull him into his arms and hold him, but knew Harry would just start coughing if he did. He tightened his hand on his waist. "You're just fine," he replied, kissing that tempting mouth. Just a bit. Anything more and he might lose his tightly leashed control.
Pulling back, Harry yawned. Faces inches apart, he stared at Severus until his eyelids started drooping. With a contented sigh, he snuggled into the pillows, his hand dropping to Severus' arm still wrapped around his waist. Before long he'd settled into the even breathing of sleep and if there was a little wheeze behind it, Severus ignored it in light of the satisfaction he felt that Harry was breathing at all.
He sternly banished the morbid thoughts threatening to chase each other through his head all night if he let them. For now, there was only Harry and he intended to savour his presence as long as he could.
A lifetime sounded about right.
.:0:. .:0:.
7 August 2004
Sitting out on the rocks in his customary 'brooding spot', as Harry had so aptly named it, Severus 'felt' Perrin approach shortly before he saw him, his magic as familiar as Albus' or Harry's. No others could he read in this manner, but the lack didn't bother him. As was their new custom, Perrin sat quietly on the rock without speaking, his eyes fixed on the heavy pewter waves and red riptide flags lining the beach that would have kept him from practicing with Kalani all day had he been able.
"Harry's still sleeping; I looked in on him before I left and set my wand the way you taught me to let me know when he wakes."
Severus nodded. His, too, was set the same way, only it also monitored pain levels and respiratory distress. He repressed the urge to physically check on his spouse; he understood all too well Harry's growing need for solitude and he'd already indulged his compulsion more than he ought.
He shuddered. That compulsion, conceived when he'd found Harry as broken as his Firebolt, had been birthed the night they'd actually lost him. With Harry's fever spiking higher than ever, his lungs labouring to catch even the smallest sips of air, Poppy and Quiesta had been at a loss. With the curse's lingering effects, there'd not been much they could do, no cure that hadn't already been tried. All they could was wait... and hope.
To Severus' heart, in that night of crisis, Perrin forever crossed the invisible line between ward and son. United, they'd sat side-by-side, both of them holding Harry's hand: Severus' on the bottom, Perrin's on the top. And in the deepest night, when their hope ebbed its lowest, Harry stopped breathing. One second became two, became more, and even Severus' inner urgings couldn't bring it back. Their own lungs burned with the air they dared not release as Quiesta tied Harry to herself in a last ditch Sanos effort to save him. The hours passed, Harry's chest rising and falling in unison with a healer rapidly falling into exhaustion.
Then it happened; just after dawn Harry took a breath out of synch, a breath of his own. And another, and still more, until Quiesta sank to her knees at the head of the bed, her quiet sobs of relief muffled by Poppy's robes as she stabilized Harry once more.
It still haunted his dreams.
When Harry's fever broke the next night, Perrin's wide-eyed, cautious hope had matched his own. Later the following morning, when Harry regained consciousness and it was clear he would recover, he regretted that Perrin had slipped away so soon afterwards, even though he returned several times over the next week to visit them. Severus supposed it had as much to do with Perrin's shyness around those who gathered to celebrate, as much as his sense of how much he was needed. Their involvement in Harry's day-to-day care had started soon after, and Severus had been pleased with the boy since then.
Well, except for the incident with Malia the other day and, considering she could wear the skin off a Norwegian Ridgeback with her nagging, he privately thought she deserved the scare. Hopefully she'd learned something as well from the incident.
Although Perrin steered a wide path around her, at least he seemed at ease with them. In the evenings, before Kalani or Ben came to take him home, the three of them usually retired to the old sofa, Harry leaning on him on one side, Perrin tucked against him on the other, while they perused the Muggle travel books Ben had left on their half-empty bookcases.
"Are we still going to Hale'akala tomorrow?" Perrin asked, shifting slightly.
"Reading my mind, are you?" Severus asked, a smile playing on his lips.
"Well, except for my time here, I am still grounded," Perrin commented.
True, but with the compromises... "Yes, we are still going, but only because I don't want to disappoint Harry; he's been looking forward to the trip and he didn't do anything half so foolish." Well, actually, he had, and Severus wondered if there was a way to 'ground' Harry in the future. The thought made him smile to himself.
"I'm sorry," Perrin said, a picture of contrition. Severus supposed he was now that he understood the risks better.
"I know you are; that was supposed to be the point of isolating you from your friends. You were supposed to think. Did you?"
"Yeah, but I still haven't found an answer to one of my problems."
"And that is?"
"What to do about Aunty Malia. She's still thinks I'm a little boy, like I don't know what's best for me."
"And you've shown such great judgement recently?" Severus asked somewhat heatedly.
Perrin huffed. "I said I was sorry! I just couldn't take her harping any more. On and on and on about what a terrible, spoiled boy I was. I'm not that terrible." He slid his eyes to Severus. "Besides, how can I make 'informed choices' if I'm not informed?"
Touché. Merlin, he sounded like Harry at that age, although Perrin was far more polite. However, Perrin wanted something, Severus could feel it as surely as he could feel the wind whipping the waves in front of him. Damn! The boy should have been a Slytherin. So, did he let him get to it in his own convoluted time, or would the more direct approach be better?"
"Malia may have the personality of a fish-wife at times, but she still deserves your respect," he began, ignoring Perrin's snicker. "What did you have in mind?"
Perrin's eyes widened. "I-I--" He closed his mouth with a snap.
"Well?" he asked, highly amused he'd flustered the boy--yes, the direct approach had its merits. "Out with it. I only sprout fangs at Hallowe'en."
Perrin looked at him sharply, then his face relaxed into a grin. "It's just-- I was thinking--"
Severus snorted.
"Well, I was! I was thinking that if I had an emergency Portkey, I could leave... if I had to," he supplied in a rush. He watched him cautiously.
Severus nodded; he and Harry had already discussed this. "The idea has merit, but not for the reasons you've given."
Perrin swallowed hard. "Why, then?"
"If you wish me to spell it out for you, I will, but I've reasonable confidence in your intelligence and, given your recent chastisement, I'm certain you can figure it out for yourself.
Perrin nodded, his face a mask of concentration. "That's a much better reason than mine."
"Yes, it is. A spat with an overbearing female does not constitute an insurmountable crisis; if it did, I would have euthanised Professor McGonagall years ago." Perrin blinked, then laughed. "The answer to your 'problem' with Malia is to patiently await either Ben or Kalani's return. They are quite aware of our inclinations; you would be permitted to return to Hogwarts any time you wish to come home."
"Any time?"
"One would hope that, in the natural order of things, you'd be so comfortable with your Hanai family and be having so much 'fun' you'd be reluctant to return, but, yes, anytime--for any reason."
Perrin looked back to the ocean. "Thank you," he said so quietly the wind almost carried off his words before Severus could hear them. "I won't abuse it."
No, he didn't think he would, in fact, now that Perrin had an 'out', he suspected the boy would tough it out more often than not.
As they went back to their comfortable silence, he thought about what he hadn't said. That they'd also decided to ask Flitwick to teach Perrin to Apparate. In another year he would be allowed to go to Hogsmeade, the perfect place for an ambush, and Harry was adamant he not be held back. He had to agree; they couldn't shelter him forever and he should be allowed to grow with his peers. Given his age, it would take him that long to learn to do it smoothly, but he had every confidence in Flitwick's tutelage; he'd taught him at fifteen, after all. A bit of a rule-bender, their Filius.
He almost laughed aloud. Weren't they all?
.:0:. .:0:.
12 August 2004
Pulling heavily with both hands gripping his cane, Harry painfully hauled himself to his feet, his chest burning with the exertion. With the cane's support, he half-shuffled his careful way across the sand, hoping he could make it to the house without falling flat on his face. Damn his legs! They were still stiff and sore despite the healing, but he knew that was only to be expected.
He slowed, then stopped as he heard the familiar voice query, "Harry? Are you all right? Where are you going?" Well, he'd only thought Severus was asleep.
He half-turned to see his spouse already rising from the beach mat they'd placed on the sand near the house. He stifled his impatience at Severus' fussing; given his husband's hollowed-eyed condition when he'd finally awakened, and seeing the worry haunting those dark eyes even now, he knew Severus had earned every right to mother-hen him. But still... With a sigh, he replied lightly, "I'm fine. Call of nature, you know. Must have been the beer."
Severus raised a brow and pointedly turned his head to stare at the ocean. Oh, right. Harry grinned sheepishly; it did seem a bit silly to hike all the way to the house with the vast Pacific Ocean only a few steps away, but still... One did feel a bit odd using it as a loo, even if everyone else did so. What had Kalani said the first time he'd suggested it? "Eh, the fish don't care." Which was probably true.
He carefully turned back the short distance he'd managed, mindful of where he placed his clumsy feet; his hips weren't quite 'there' yet, either. When Severus met him halfway and tucked his arm within his own as they walked down to the water, he bit back his automatic, "I don't need any help." Given the way his back and shoulders hurt, it would have been a lie anyway, but still... As he passed it, he tossed the cane onto the mat; no sense getting it wet. Feeling more drained and out of breath than he wanted to admit, they waded out till the water was mid-chest and... Well, he did feel much better afterwards.
At least now Severus gave him some privacy for his more... personal ablutions. Before it had been almost painful to endure his mostly silent hovering, as if he, Harry, would disappear if he took his eyes off him. Yet Harry couldn't bring himself to say anything about it. He'd clearly heard the awe in people's voices when they told him in quiet whispers how Severus had refused to leave his side, had refused to let him go, sustained only by what sustenance Dobby and Perrin could force down his throat and the cleansing charms Poppy claimed she employed every day, "Whether he wanted it or not." To hear Severus grouse the rare times he spoke, it was more 'or not' than anything else.
And there was a surprise: Perrin. When his muzzy brain had finally checked in with the rest of his aching body, Severus' presence at his bedside had hardly been shocking, but the boy's as well? To hear Kalani talk, the normally shy Perrin had proved ferocious when denied the right to come home to be with him. Who would have guessed? And once at Hogwarts, Poppy had reported he'd given as much care to Severus as to him--or at least as much as his husband would let him. Which from Albus' account was more than he'd allowed anyone else. All other things aside, that in itself made him feel good. He was happy to see the tensions between them, subtly present ever since Perrin's emotional explosion on Boxing Day, had dissipated until they were more like the father and son Harry had hoped they would be.
However, Severus' unnatural quiet bothered him and the few times he'd tried to draw him out of whatever purgatory he'd placed himself, it was like conversing with a stone wall. It was as if Severus was afraid that if he ever let loose that which was tightly bottled inside him, something bad would happen, so he said nothing. He'd seen this phenomenon with some of his patients' families before, but had never expected it to happen to him--not that he'd ever anticipated a fool's chase would almost kill him.
Harry suspected no one had guessed just how much of himself Severus had expended during his vigil, but on those nights when he woke from his potion-induced slumber, when everything was quiet, Harry could hear the torn remnants of his husband's ordeal echoing through his restless dreams. But still... He missed their easy banter, missed Severus' caustic 'observations' on every subject from the state of Hogwarts to the sand creeping up his shorts; he hoped this month in Hana before the start of the new term would mitigate it. Severus needed this time to heal as much as he did; the rest, he thought, would take care of itself over time and a return to normalcy.
He waded over to the solitary figure, the water a heavy weight against his legs and torso but not unduly so. Loosely wrapping his arms around the too-lean waist, he pressed close against Severus' back, revelling in the warmth flowing between them. Their bond had never been so open. While Severus testily claimed it was only so he could tell when Harry was down-playing his discomfort, Harry knew better and loved him too much to ever mention his husband's lingering need to be close to him all the time.
Severus turned in his arms to face him and held him fast, while feathering his lips with one of those slow, tender kisses Harry loved. For the first time since his accident, his body eagerly responded to the length pressed so close to his own. He pulled back, mutely begging for more kisses, more serious kisses, and it was a measure of Severus' recent insecurities that he gave them to him despite his internal misgivings--hot, wet kisses unhindered by any of his usual modesty in public.
Merlin, how he'd missed this, missed the tight tangle of bodies striving for pleasure, missed Severus' magic mouth claiming his own in a kiss that could curl his toes and melt their hearts and bodies into one. For him, it had only been weeks; for Severus, it had been an imagined lifetime of deprivation. During his convalescence--and Harry had been increasingly aware of just how much Severus was holding back--he'd been careful to limit their intimacies to gentle touches and almost hesitant caresses, all of which made Harry feel cherished and loved, but still...
Right now, though, there was nothing chaste about Severus' attentions, and for the burning heat rising between them, Harry was grateful. Somehow his spouse had manoeuvred them into slightly deeper water and with the water's warm buoyancy and Severus' hard hips grinding flashes of delight into his own, what had once been pain floated easily into passion.
This time Harry didn't mind Severus supporting him, didn't complain about the arms keeping him aloft as he wrapped his legs around Severus' calves. All he cared about was Severus' lips meshing perfectly with his own. Severus' tongue dancing fire with his, mimicking the movements of their bodies below. Severus' hands digging furrows in his back and arse with each enthusiastic thrust. He needed this; they both did and he threw himself into their loving with everything he had to give. Worries and vigils and midnight visions of loss were cast aside as pure need and life exploded from within them, the soft murmur of the ocean swallowing their unfettered cries of joyful ecstasy.
With their breathless bodies sated and limp, the milky evidence of their reunion floating away with the tide, Harry irreverently decided the fishes probably didn't care much about that either. Severus gradually released his mouth, their lips clinging as if reluctant to separate. Hidden in the dark behind closed lids, Harry laid his cheek on Severus' shoulder and slid his legs down, Severus' arm steadying him until he found his footing on the sandy bottom. Hands which had grasped and pulled, now moved freely over slick skin, soothing the small pangs caused by their ardour.
Opening his eyes, Harry sought Severus' immediately, but was denied as Severus wouldn't meet his gaze, his face down-turned. Burying one hand in Harry's hair, Severus nuzzled his neck above the waterline, briefly resting his forehead on the soft spot where shoulder meets throat, before his questing mouth moved upwards to capture Harry's in the sweetest kiss they'd ever shared. And if Severus' hoarse whispers of love sounded more like broken sobs and his lips tasted saltier than the ocean supporting their embrace? Well then, Harry would close his eyes again to pretend he'd not noticed and instead convey with caressing hands and an open heart that he loved and needed Severus more than he could ever express with mere words.
Eventually they waded back to the beach, the pull of gravity dragging on a body recently accustomed to the weightlessness of the water. This time he needed Severus' assistance and, with a breathless noise of thanks, gratefully sank onto the beach chair, Severus sitting cross-legged at his side on the mat. Wiggling his toes into the hot sand, Harry popped a Samuel Adams from the cooler (for his husband refused to drink that 'piss-water' Ben had supplied) and handed it to Severus before securing one of his own.
Settling into the seat, the beer cold down his throat, he gazed out over the ocean, eyes searching for the two specks he suspected would still be out there. Sure enough, he found Perrin and Kalani farther down the shore about a hundred feet out. He blinked and adjusted his far vision just in time to see Perrin stand on the board, Kalani nearby. A quick glance to his side showed Severus watching the same tableau, his gaze concentrated and alert, but surprisingly not concerned. He turned back in time to see Perrin ride a few feet ahead of a small breaker before tumbling off the board as it overtook him.
Without removing his eyes from the spot where the boy had gone down, he sighed in relief when his head bobbed back into sight. "Severus, are you certain he's all right?" he asked, unable to hide the worry in his voice.
"Kalani's with him," Severus replied as if that made everything fine. Perhaps, to Severus, it did, but still...
While Harry himself was an adequate swimmer, he'd yet to try what Perrin and Kalani had been practicing for hours every day since his grounding had been lifted. Sometimes the boy's single-minded determination was scary. He held his breath as Perrin went down after another nasty fall from the long wooden board, this time under the arch of a much larger wave. He was about to start vocally urging Kalani to go fetch him when Perrin re-appeared, quite far from where he'd disappeared.
Pushing his heart back into his rib cage, Harry remarked, "It just seems so... dangerous."
Severus turned to him with both brows raised, the first real smirk Harry had seen in weeks gracing his face. "With what you got into at twelve?" His chuckle was raspy. "Surfing seems fairly tame."
Well, yes, there was that, and Harry grinned, happy to see Severus' smile broaden into laughter. Running his arm across Severus' shoulders, he relished the weight of his head as he leaned it against his ribs, and suddenly, the day seemed ever so much brighter.
.:0:. .:0:.
TBC