Disclaimer Ranma ½ is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and used without
permission, as are all other characters from whatever Manga/Anime they're
from.
You can find the rest of this story and others by Benji Delaski at www.lovesucks.topcities.com
PART VI
One more time.
==============
"Do we have to tie you lot all together or something?!" Nabiki stormed after R-A and dragged him back to the rest of the group. "I swear, if one of you wanders away again, we're going to have to put you on a leash! Somebody remind me to buy you guy's pagers!" She held her head in her hands. "This must be what it's like to be a parent! R-C!! Get back here!"
"But those dresses are so cute..."
"Do as you're damn well told! We need to get you lot organised!"
Akane stifled a giggle at seeing her calm and collected sister trying to keep the four Ryoga's under control. It was hard enough keeping track of one! R-A kept wandering away to look at shop windows, R-D kept hiding purely to irritate Nabiki and R-C was impatient to get shopping and kept bouncing around. The only one behaving was the original Ryoga, now Ryoga- chan thanks to a sprinkler. "Nabiki, why don't I go shopping with R-C, Ranma with Ryoga-chan and you with R-A and R-D?"
Nabiki glared at her sister. "Because, sister dear, Ranma and Ryoga, girl or guy, hate each other and R-D hates me and Daddy will not be pleased if we run up a huge property damage bill. How about I take R-C and R-A, Ranma takes R-D and you take Ryoga- chan?"
"I'm not going with R-D!" Ranma cut in. *If he decided to fight me ... he won't have the Angel side holding him back .... the property damage would be terrible!* "R-A yes, Ryoga-chan or R-C very big maybe but not R-D!"
R-D groaned. "Why not stick us in the crèche and go shopping for us?"
"That's not such a bad idea actually." Ranma grinned. "How about I ask Ucchan to keep an eye on them and we nip in a few shops? Nabiki can look for some pagers for them so we can track 'em down to pay off your Dad's loan?"
"We get to make a list of what we need" R-A muttered.
"Sure. Pen, paper ... hmmm" R-C began to write out her list.
Akane glanced over her shoulder at page three. "Sailor fuka, 2 kimonos, 3 pairs of shorts cotton, dark pink, green and black, 1 pair denim, 2 bikinis, 1 swimsuit, walkman and Sailor Moon soundtrack ... are you sure you need all this?" she queried, eyes slightly glazed.
"Of course. A girl has a lot of needs. Besides, we're paying all the money off. And if Ryoga-chan comes round to the idea of waitressing.."
"I'm not being a waitress."
R-C pouted. "A waitress job'll be easy to find. If she eventually warms to the idea, I may need to lend her some clothes."
R-A looked over his list. "With the clothes and the camping gear we lost, we'll be in dept till we're twenty at least."
Ryoga-chan glared at him. "Then you'd better stick around till then."
"Hehe ... sure ... er ... everyone finished?" R-A looked around. "Here's the list. Where's Ucchans?"
"Don't worry, we don't expect you to know." Ranma sighed. "ALL of you, follow me. No window shopping, no wandering, and I know you all hate me but I'd appreciate no 'Ranma prepare to dies' OK?" He led them to the restaurant with no property damage and almost no arguments.
Ukyo looked up. "Hey Ranchan!"
"Ucchan." Ranma stepped aside. "Meet R-D, the one with the blond bit, R-A, the other guy, R-C, one of the girls and Ryoga-chan, the other girl."
Ryoga-chan grimaced. "Could you not call me Ryoga-chan?"
"But you look so cute when you wince. Ryoga-chan." Ranma laughed at her. Ryoga-chan and R-C both looked so cute when they winced - calling Ryoga Ryoga-chan was a sure way of getting a reaction.
Ukyo gazed at them, jaw slack. "Two new boy Ryoga's, a new girl Ryoga and Ryoga's a girl?"
"Until I can get a kettle," Ryoga-chan snarled.
"You got it. R-D is a bastard. He's Ryoga's devil side. R-A is a bona fide angel nice guy, which gives me the creeps. Both Ryoga-chan's are just like he is as a guy."
"You forgot the part stating that we all hate you," R-D pointed out. "If Ukyo whacks out one or two of us, there's still two more. And if you try killing the original before his time, even more of us will pop up." He smiled sweetly. "Continue digging your grave, Ranma."
Ranma gulped. "Yeah, well, Ucchan, I was wondering if they could stay here for an hour or so. Their stuff got struck by lightning and we dare not let them loose in the shopping centre. Thanks so much bye-bye!" He fled.
Ukyo gazed vacantly into space. "Yeah. Sure. Anything you say." She turned round as R- A tapped her on the arm.
"Uh ... Do you want us to do anything? Get you anything?" he asked cautiously.
"Do you feel all right?" She squinted at him. "No blond bit. You're the nice guy, right?"
"Umm ... yeah?"
"A very strong alcoholic drink and an explanation would do me for a start." She looked at them. "Where did you all come from? There's enough of you to form a pop group for christsake!"
R-C sniggered. "\, Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know \,"
Ryoga-chan joined in. "\, That something wasn't right here \,"
"\, Oh baby baby I shouldn't have let you go
And now you're right outside me \," they sang in unison
The two boys chimed in too "\, Show me how you wanted to be,
Tell me baby cause I need to know now
what we've got\," They split into two parts.
"\, My loneliness is killing me (And I)
I must confess I still believe (Still believe!)
When you're not with me well you're not mine
Give me a sign (Altogether now!)
Hit me baby one more time!\,"
~~~~~
*Note- That song is originally sung in English, but I don't know any Japanese songs I could've used instead. Scratch that. I don't know any Japanese songs at all. I listen to the radio far too much, but I will try to cut down on adding song parts into my writing.
~~~~~
Ukyo stared at them in total and absolute amazement. "T-that was incredible! That was really, really good!"
"Well, it works better with four of us than it did with one," Ryoga-chan said with a grin.
"At least we all know the words, anyway," R-C added.
R-D snorted. "That's 'cause he has way too much spare time!"
"Too much spare time?! There's no such thing!" R-A hit him on the arm.
"Don't you hit me, you sissy!"
"It was only a joke!"
"HEY!" Ukyo yelled. "You mess up the restaurant, you pay for damages! Now ... who's who again? Oh, this is just too stupid. Stay here." She walked out of the room and reappeared a few minuets with a bundle of clothes. "Here. Put some different clothes on so I can tell you apart. Which of you girls is which?"
"R-C is the one grabbing all the little skirts," Ryoga-chan pointed out. She took the kettle of water from Ukyo and poured it over her head. "Much better!" *Now my clothes fit!*
R-C looked up from the pile of clothes. "I still think you should look for a waitress job with me."
You could almost see the light bulb go *ping* above Ukyo. She grabbed a cup of cold water and tipped it over R-A and Ryoga. "What was that for?!! I just got changed back!" Ryoga-chan yelled.
"I couldn't remember who was who," she explained to R-A. "Twin waiters and twin waitresses. How would you guys like a job here?"
End Part VI
Final song - One More Time
==================
PART VII
Look before you leap.
==================
"This uniform doesn't fit," R-C whined.
Ukyo gritted her teeth. "It fit's Ryoga-chan so it fits you."
"Don't call me that!" Ryoga-chan snapped.
Ukyo and R-C ignored her. "It's too tight in the chest ..." R-C continued.
*CLANG*
Ukyo examined the dent in her spatula. "Do you want the job or not? From what I've heard of your shopping list, you need this job a lot. The attraction of two twin sets will bring in lots of customers, lots of tips and lots of wages."
R-C pouted. "It doesn't suit me."
Ukyo turned and whacked Ryoga-chan over the head. "OW! What was that for?! She's the one complaining!"
"She's your female side and it's because of you she's here!"
"WHAT?!!" Ryoga-chan's battle aura flared. "That's not fair! I got struck by lightning!"
R-C quickly cut in. "The uniform fits OK now, lets get changed back into our other clothes. Ranma and the others should be here soon." They ignored her.
"You should know better than to wave metal poles around in an electrical storm!"
"The storm hadn't even started! I just picked up a tent pole and BOOM! Next thing I know, it's morning and the whole area's fried!" She lowered her voice. "They may be annoying, but it's because of them that I'm even alive!"
"I don't see why they bothered. It's not like anyone would've cared!" Ukyo snarled.
Ryoga-chan stepped back in shock and a deathly silence filled the restaurant. She ripped the uniform off, silently yanked her jumper over her head and ran out of the restaurant. Silenced reigned little longer. Then R- D jumped over the counter with a yell, grabbed Ukyo by the collar and lifted her off the ground. "You insensitive little witch!!! You're supposed to be his friend! Do you have any idea how much that little comment hurt?!!"
R-C glowered at Ukyo, who was wriggling like a fish, gasping for air. R-A sighed. "Open mouth, insert foot. Put her down, R-D."
After a moment he let go. Ukyo collapsed unceremoniously on the floor and took a few deep breaths. She stood up and grabbed a flask of hot water and Ryoga's trousers. "I-I have to apologise to him ... that was way out of line ..." she mumbled, running out of the door.
"Where're you going?" R-C asked.
Ukyo turned and looked at her. "To find Ryoga-chan. So I can apologise. You three can either help me, or stay here."
"We're coming too," R-A replied.
"Yeah. To make sure you don't say anything else dumb like that," R-D muttered angrily.
R-C sighed. "I guess she didn't mean it that much, but you know what our 'bro's' like." She looked over at Ukyo. "We'll help you find him. We may have no sense of direction when it comes to finding place, but finding each other is something we can do easily."
~~~~~
Ryoga-chan looked at her reflection in the river with hatred. *It's not me. I'm a guy ... I don't look like that ...* she thought, knowing that no matter how much she denied it, it was really her. Him. She picked up a stick and ran it over the surface. Ripples broke up the image, distorting it. That was better. She could almost pretend it was her male reflection looking up at her. She lifted the stick and looked at the water again. After a moment the ripples faded and the image formed. Girl. A delicate feminine face. With a growl she stirred up the water viciously so it was impossible to see anything. *Why am I bothering? She's right. Girl or guy, no-one would care if I had died. No-one at all.* Tears ran down her face. *I'd still be alone ... unloved ...* She rubbed a sleeve across her face. Ukyo's cruel words ran through her mind again, bringing fresh tears to her eyes. *I'm never going to get Akane. I'm nothing to her.* She stirred the water again, not wanting the female face to settle. *I can't even stand to live with being half girl, how could anyone else?* For the first time he understood why Ranma hated his girl side so much. At least as a pig, he'd still been a guy. Being a girl playing havoc with his ... her self- identifying. And there were enough of him around anyway. Nobody ever knew which one he was, either, which didn't quite help the identity crisis he was going through. She stiffened, sensing someone behind her.
"Umm ... hi ..." Ukyo sat down next to her. Ryoga-chan ignored her and carried on stirring. Ukyo continued cautiously. "I just ... really have to apologise for what I said."
"Why?" she asked quietly.
Ukyo sighed. "Because it was mean and cruel and totally uncalled for. Just because Ra ..Ranchan was paying more attention to you and your other selves than he was to me." She looked at the floor in embarrassment. "I was jealous of all the attention you'd been getting and I wanted to hurt you. I'm ... I'm sorry. I didn't think," she whispered, "you'd get so upset."
Ryoga-chan looked at the ripples. "Why?"
"Because it's not even true!" Ukyo jumped to her feet. "We'd all've been upset if you'd died!"
She laughed a bitter laugh. "Feh. You'd all think I'd gotten lost again. By the time you all found out I was gone, you'd have forgotten who I was. No one would care. Nobody even likes me. I'm just the weirdo who pops up every so often to kill Ranma and always fails." The tears began to well up again and she wiped her face angrily. "Nobody c-cares how I f- feel or how m-m- much it h-hurts ..."
Ukyo knelt down next to her. "Come on, cheer up Ryoga-chan ..."
Ryoga-chan jumped to her feet. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!!" she screamed. Ukyo backed away, startled. "I HATE IT!! I _HATE_ IT!!!" She grabbed Ukyo's spatula and hacked at the water with it, destroying her reflection. "I'M NOT A GIRL! I WON'T BE A GIRL!" Sobbing, she caught sight of herself in the spatula's metal surface. She struck the ground with it over and over. "I AM A GUY!! I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND I ALWAYS WILL!!!" The metal shattered and Ryoga-chan fell to the ground.
Ukyo looked at her in shock. She'd never seen Ryoga lose it so badly before. Maybe all this was harder on her than anyone thought. If anyone did think. Now that she actually thought about it, it would be very freaky. She reached out and touched Ryoga-chan on the shoulder, suddenly feeling sorry for her. Ryoga-chan shied away from her and stood up. "Don't touch me," she growled. "Where're all the others?"
"Over there." Ukyo pointed at the other three Ryoga's watching them though the trees. "We've brought your trousers and some hot water." She gave her a weak smile. "I'm sorry. I-if you don't want to be a waitress it's OK."
Ryoga-chan pulled on her trousers and poured the hot water over her head. "I'll think about it," he promised. "We should get back now."
End Part VII
Final song - Travelling Riverside Blues
===========
PART IIX
Poison.
===========
"You know what?" Ukyo flipped an okonomiyaki with obvious expertise.
"What?" Ryoga asked.
"If you died now, we'd know about it. Especially with that lot wreaking havoc all over town."
Ryoga thought about it for a second, before realising she was right. "Hmm."
"Okonomiyaki. On the house."
"Oh. Thanks."
~~~~~
On the roof, a familiar figure was lurking. "Ranma darling will be mine! I shall eliminate the other foolish girls carefully this time ... hohohohohohohohohoho!!! Yes, it was Kodachi. "If I cannot kill them, I shall make sure they are ... otherwise engaged, to put it simply. Hohohohohohohohohohoho!!!" Looking through the skylight, she waited ... and tipped a small bag of powder over the okonomiyaki on the grill. "If the peasant Hibiki is the only customer there, then logic concludes it would be for him. Hohohoh ..." She stopped in mid cackle. Were her eyes deceiving her, or was that another Hibiki boy?! And another! She couldn't be seeing double - one of them had a blond streak in his hair. And now there was another girl ... dressed identically to the boys ... looking just like the boys ... but obviously not a boy. She fumbled with her camera and took a quick photo to make sure she hadn't inhaled any poison. She had a few different sachets with her. *Ah ... one of the boys is picking up the okonomiyaki ...*
~~~~~
"Why do we keep going back to the subject of death?" R-A asked. "It's totally morbid."
"Because you are still here, and our injuries from the lightning are not." Ryoga picked up his okonomiyaki. "You said that maybe you had to stay here until I died and I just wonder how long that'll be." He bit into it.
"Long enough," R-C said flippantly.
Kodachi poison#35z took effect quickly. Ryoga blacked out and landed on the floor in a heap. Ukyo gave a squeal of horror and jumped over the counter. "Oh no! I've killed him! My okonomiyaki's killed him!"
R-D looked surprised. "No, he's OK. Otherwise someone's really screwed up."
Ukyo shook Ryoga by the shoulders. "Wake up, you jackass!" There was no response and she glared at his duplicates. "Well don't just stand there, phone Dr Tofu or something!"
The other three immediately jumped to attention and all tried to find the phone. Not an easy task with the Hibiki sense of direction. R-D found the phone first. "Doc's on his way now," he confirmed. He looked curiously at Ukyo, who was still trying to wake Ryoga up. "Why so concerned? He'll be fine. He's not going anywhere yet."
Ukyo groaned. "I know. But what if you're wrong? Or even worse, what if more of you turn up?"
R-C snickered. "Yeah. There'll be his inner child and inner adult, paranoia and confidence..."
"Enough already!" She gestured to them. "Someone try to find a blanket without destroying my restaurant. No, stay here, I'll get one."
Outside, Kodachi's laugh echoed through the night.
~~~~~
It was a tight squeeze in the spare room. Especially with the shopping too. Ryoga was lying on a futon with R-A, R-C and R-D sat around the edge. Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, Nabiki and Dr Tofu stood around them.
"Poison?" R-A asked again weakly.
Dr Tofu nodded. "Yes. A non-lethal poison, but a poison never the less."
Ranma groaned. "I bring 'em here so they can't get into trouble and he gets himself poisoned!"
Ukyo looked ill. "It's my fault, isn't it? It was the okonomiyaki, wasn't it, Dr?"
"Not the okonomiyaki itself, somebody must have sprinkled a powdered poison onto it."
"I'll have to throw the rest of today's batter away then" she decided. "It's all my fault!!!"
Akane looked her friend. "I'm sure it wasn't really you're fault, Ukyo."
"Hah! If only!" She turned back to Dr Tofu. "Will he be OK?"
"Hmm?" Dr Tofu looked at her. "Oh, yes, he'll be fine. I don't suggest you move him, just let him sleep it off."
"OK," Ranma proclaimed. "We'll take the other three and the shopping home. Are you OK, Ucchan?"
"Hmm?" She dragged her gaze away from the unconscious Ryoga and looked at her fiance. "Yeah. I'm OK. I was just thinking."
"At least we'll be able to tell them apart!" Ranma said with a grin. "When Ryoga's Ryoga, he looks just like R-A and when she's Ryoga-chan she looks just like R-C."
"Mmm." Ukyo though about that for a second. "Ranchan, can I talk to you for a second?"
"Yeah?" He looked at her.
She dragged him out of the room. "I don't think you should antagonise Ryoga by calling him Ryoga-chan as a girl."
He looked at her, puzzled. "Why? What's the harm? We always antagonise each other." Ukyo briefly explained the day's events, edited of course. Ranma shrugged. "Sounds like typical Ryoga behaviour to me. Don't get so worried about it."
R-D poked his head around the corner. "What are you two doing?"
"Talking."
"Damn!" R-D sighed. *Why can't you just marry Ukyo and leave Akane for Ryoga?!*
R-A poked his head around the corner too. "OK? Ukyo, cheer up a bit. Do you want any of us to stay here and keep you company?"
"No, that's alright. There's not much room here anyway." She followed them back into the room where R-C was examining some of the clothes.
"Did you get some pyjamas?"
"Red bag underneath the khaki culottes," Akane pointed out. "Why not wait till we get back to the Dojo before going through it all?"
R-C thought for a moment. "Yeah. I just wanted to check for the essentials. Speaking of which, did you get the Sailor Moon CD?"
"HMV bag."
"And the ..."
"Check when we get back!" Akane repeated with a long suffering sigh. "If I've forgotten anything, we can go shopping again tomorrow."
~~~~~
Elsewhere in town, Shampoo and Cologne were having a heated discussion.
"Shampoo, this is the last chance you'll have to get Ranma back," Cologne repeated.
"But Shampoo still no understand why!"
Cologne waved the photograph at her, which had been given to Ranma a few days ago and had found it's way into her hands. "I know this is a fake. You know it's a fake. I suppose even Son-in-law knows it's a fake..."
Shampoo snatched the photograph from her and crumpled it up. "Stupid Mousse NEVER defeat Shampoo, Ranma know that. Why he pretend this real?!"
Cologne tried to think of a nice way to put it. "Son-in-law ... I think he's scared of commitment. He sees this photograph as a way out of his engagement to you. That we could deal with, if this was the only copy. But that awful Nabiki Tendo has made more copies and given them to her contacts, saying that if we make any attempt to win back Son-in-law now, she'll send it to our village."
"So how we stop her?" Shampoo looked at her great-grandmother in despair. "If council find this photograph, they make Shampoo marry Mousse."
Cologne held up two bottles. "This the last bit we have left of either. Make sure you do not fail."
Shampoo read the labels on the bottles written in mandarin. "Shampoo 411 and love potion? Why we not use sooner?"
Cologne sighed. "We wanted him to come to China on his own free will. Now, this potion will make him fall madly in love with the first person of the opposite sex he sees. Make sure he is male, and make sure no other girls are around."
Shampoo nodded. "Shampoo give it to Ranma tomorrow morning, make sure spatula girl and gorilla girl not around."
End Part IIX
Final song - Poison
================================
PART IX
The best laid plans of mice and (wo)men ...
================================
R-C yawned and stretched. *Morning already. Guess I'd better bag the bathroom before everyone wakes up.* She washed quickly, then pulled on some of her new clothes. *Nice morning for a stroll ... I'll go to Ucchans and see how my other half is.*
~~~~~
*Note - Although the four Ryoga's are not quadruplets, they all have a special link, like some twins and triplets do. They will always be able to find each other, which is why R- C was able to find the Dojo after they'd all gotten there too. She is now working on the assumption that she will be able to find her way there and back again, providing that none of the others decide to go for a walk too.
~~~~~
She bounced from roof to roof, looking at the streets below, hoping that their general unclutteredness was simply because it was early morning and not because she'd left the city. Purple hair caught her eye. *Shampoo. Good. That means I'm still in Tokyo." She looked at Shampoo a little longer. *Wonder who she's delivering to so early in the morning?*
A mean thought popped into her head. A thought worthy of R-D. She wasn't entirely fond of Shampoo. After all, she'd tried to kill Akane, and the whole soap fiasco had been very hard on Ryoga. Although R-C didn't share the love for Akane that her 'brothers' did, she did share the anger towards Shampoo.
Shampoo's reputation as a delivery girl would take a blow if she didn't deliver the ramen within half an hour, and R-C hadn't had any breakfast. She silently waited for Shampoo to walk underneath her, then reached down and grabbed the delivery box from her.
Shampoo looked around in surprise as the box vanished from her grip. "Wha ...?"
A giggle made her look up just in time to see R-C gobble down the last of the ramen. "Very nice. Thanks for the food!"
Shampoo was seized by a terrible rage. This stranger had stolen her spiked ramen - RANMA'S ramen and eaten it. All of it. Now she'd lost Ranma. "You ... you ..."
R-C began her roof to roof trek to Ucchans again. "Better get back to the Cat Café and make some more," she called over her shoulder. Next moment, a bonbori struck her between the shoulder blades, knocking her flat on her face.
Shampoo leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "Bandanna girl eat Shampoo ramen. Bandanna girl - KILL!!!"
R-C rolled over and the bonbori went crashing through the roof. "Wha... what was that for?!!" she yelled, jumping to her feet. "It's only ramen!"
"SPECIAL ramen!" Shampoo lashed out again. "Shampoo kill bad bandanna girl!"
"Special?" R-C blinked, dodging the bonbori strikes. "You mean you spiked it?!" Remembering the love pill incident, she pulled her bandanna over her eyes and jumped to the ground. This _did_ mean it was hard to see where Shampoo was going to strike. She ran through buildings back towards the Tendo Dojo.
~~~~~
"Where's R-C?" Akane asked, looking around the breakfast table.
R-A shrugged. "Gone for a walk." He handed her a bowl of miso soup.
"What? Won't she get dreadfully lost?" Ranma asked. "Can I have her breakfast?"
R-D bopped him over the head. "No you can't. As long as we're here, she'll be able to find her way back."
Nabiki sat down. "So if we know where one of you is, you'll know where any of the others are?" She sighed. "Damn! There's goes all the interest piling up while half of you vanished and couldn't be found."
"Good morning!" a cheery voice proclaimed. Ukyo and Ryoga entered the room, Ukyo now with a new spatula.
"Ukyo, Ryoga, welcome! I'm sorry we haven't got any breakfast left but you're welcome to have some tea" Kasumi said, indicating the table.
"Make mine with three sugars." Ukyo sat down next to Ranma. "He found his own way here! Can you believe it?! I turned around to buy a newspaper, thought I'd lost him, and he was still on the right path!" She held a hand to her head. "I'm in shock!"
Genma appeared at the table. "Any food left?"
"Sorry, Uncle Saotome. It's all gone," Kasumi said sorrowfully.
Genma glared at Ranma. "How dare you deprive you father of his breakfast?" In one swift movement, he threw his son into the pond.
"Hey! What was that for?!" Ranma-chan spluttered. "It's all the extra Ryoga's!" She dragged herself out of the pond and back to the table. "And you've drunk all the hot water too," she moaned, glaring at Ryoga.
Ryoga glared back. "Don't drip all over me." In response, Ranma-chan tipped a glass of cold water over him. "HEY! You little ..."
The argument was stopped abruptly by the arrival of R-C, who luckily came in through the open door. "Where on earth am I now?!"
R-D blinked. "Why are you blindfolded?" He reached out to pull it away.
"NONONO DON'T TOUCH!!" She smacked his hands away. "I pinched some spiced ramen from Shampoo and she's given me the kiss of death, but I don't know where she is now."
"Shampoo spiced ramen? It was probably for me." Ranma-chan looked out of the doorway. "Judging by the wave of destruction you've left, I don't think it'll be long before she arrives."
R-C groaned. "What do I do? Can someone lead me to Dr Tofu's? I need a cure for this love thing before I take off the bandanna to fight her."
Akane nodded, then remembered that R-C couldn't see her. "I'll take you. I know how you feel." They both left, Akane telling R-C about the love pills, R-C pretending she didn't know anything about it.
R-A stood up. "I'll boil a kettle."
"Make sure there's only enough for Ryoga," R-D called.
Ranma-chan stuck her tongue out at him and opened her mouth to say something nasty in reply. "..."
The wall caved in. "Bandanna girl I kill!" Shampoo roared. She now had a sword with her, which whistled across the room and embedded itself in the wall just above Ryoga-chan's head.
"Wait! You've got the wrong person!" she protested, jumping out of the way of another attack.
"I give you kiss of death, now you die!" She yanked the sword out of the wall and swung it in a gleaming arc towards Ryoga-chan's neck. Ryoga-chan dodged and the sword narrowly missed R-D.
"Be careful with that thing!" he yelled angrily, grabbing her wrist and throwing the sword across the room.
"Bandanna boy let Shampoo go!" Shampoo struggled wildly.
Ranma-chan leaned over. "I'd let go if I was you, before it counts as a defeat and you end up marrying her," she whispered.
R-D snarled and let go of her. "Be a girl and beat her up," he called to Ryoga-chan. "Ignore your angel side for a moment - you're a girl!"
Ryoga-chan sighed. *I'd better do what he says before she hurts one of the girls with that sword.* She dodged another attack from Shampoo and punched her in the back of the head. Shampoo slumped to the ground unconscious.
R-A walked back in with a kettle. "Here's hot water for both of you," he said, handing the kettle to Ranma-chan and ignoring the chaos.
"W-will she be alright?" Ukyo asked.
Ryoga-chan nodded. "Yes. But I wish hadn't done it." She took the kettle from Ranma.
Shampoo woke up just in time to see Ryoga-chan pour the hot water over herself. She blinked a few times. "B-bandanna boy bandanna girl?! But how?!" She looked around the room. "Why there three bandanna boys?" Then she remembered the situation at hand and narrowed her eyes. "You still eat Shampoo ramen..." she muttered, picking up a glass of water. "Girl-type, I KILL!"
"Why did we all get different clothes?" Ryoga growled. "If she didn't know who was who ..." He jumped out of the path of the water.
"She doesn't. That's the problem," R-A pointed out.
Shampoo threw another glass of water at Ryoga, which he dodged again. "Stay still!"
"No way!"
With a growl, she stomped out of the Dojo. The momentary sigh of relief from everyone was short-lived when she re-appeared with a garden hose.
"Not in my Dojo!" Soun wailed. Shampoo ignored him and turned it on. Nabiki dragged her sister out of the room, closely followed by R-D. R-A, Ryoga and Ranma managed to dodge the water stream, but Genma and Ukyo were not quite so lucky, instantly soaked through.
Ranma jumped over the water stream, grabbed the hose from Shampoo and turned it off. "Shampoo, would you listen!"
Shampoo whacked him over the head. "Ranma stay out of this!" She renewed her water attack. "Bad boy stay still, let Shampoo kill!"
Ukyo stormed over to her and stood on the hose. "How dare you hit Ranchan!"
Shampoo glared at her. "Spatula girl get out of way. I give girl-type Ryoga kiss of death, girl-type Ryoga I kill."
"But you didn't give Ryoga the kiss of death," Ukyo tried to explain.
The bonbori hurled through the air towards her. "Obstacle, DIE!"
Ryoga ripped off one of his bandannas and threw it across the room. "Stop this!"
The handle of the bonbori sliced cleanly in half and the top half whacked Shampoo in the head. She fell to the ground for the second time that day.
Ukyo sighed. "Thanks." She took her foot off the hose.
Ryoga-chan and Ranma-chan glared at her. "You couldn't have turned that off, could you?"
~~~~~
"Can't we tie her up or something?" Ukyo was referring, of course, to Shampoo, who was currently out cold on a futon. "She's just going to go berserk when she wakes up."
"I know ... but it just seems a bit mean." R-A sighed. "Maybe she'll listen this time."
R-D snorted. "Hah. Whatever you've stolen from Kodachi, stop taking it. It's messing up your mind."
Ranma nodded. "Much as I hate to say it, he's right. Shampoo's really angry about this."
Ryoga groaned. "Why? Why can't she just go back to her café and plot with her great- grandmother about their next plans?" He shook his head. "I've mucked up her plans before - why is she hell-bent on my destruction now?"
Ranma coughed. "Well, uh ... this is kinda like her last chance to get me ..."
R-D grabbed his collar. "Spill."
Nabiki handed him a letter and a photograph. "Ranma got this through the post last week. It's obviously faked, but so what?"
Ryoga, R-A and Ukyo craned their heads to get a look in. "Mousse defeated Shampoo?!!" Ryoga shook his head. "Yep. Definitely fake."
R-A shrugged. "Well, not necessarily - he might really ... ack."
R-D shook him. "Do you really think Mousse would hurt Shampoo?"
Nabiki ignored them. "The letter's the real proof."
Ukyo read it aloud. "Dear Ranma, Mousse has defeated me in battle, because this had happened after you defeated me, that makes him my suitor. I have decided to marry Mousse and bother you no more hope we can be friends Shampoo?" She sighed. "Whoever really wrote this was bananas. Shampoo can barely say all that in Japanese, let alone spell it."
"Exactly." Nabiki took back the photo and letter. "I made lots of copies and told Cologne that if they didn't do as the letter said, I'd order my contacts to send a few copies to her village." She looked at Shampoo. "My guess is, she was going to make Ranma fall in love with her and use that shampoo to erase my memory." She smirked. "Pity the shampoo's gone down the sink."
"You never cease to amaze me," Ranma said in glee. "Thanks to you and R-C, I'm saved!"
"I guess that's it then, son-in-law." Everyone whipped round to see Cologne standing in the doorway. She sighed. "I should have accompanied Shampoo. But I was afraid you'd see me first. Then I'd have to face my great- granddaughter's wrath."
Shampoo groaned and opened her eyes. "Ugh ... great-grandmother?"
"We never got around to tying her up, did we?" R-A said casually.
"Feh. Any one of us could take her, anytime," R-D snorted.
"Yeah, well you don't have to worry about it, do you?" Ryoga pointed out.
Cologne bounced over to them. "May I ask why you are now three people?"
Ryoga shrugged. "You can ask. But if Shampoo murders me, you won't get an answer."
Shampoo turned to them. "Bad boy! How dare you hit Shampoo?! I KILL!"
Cologne pointed her staff at her. "Wait, Shampoo. This boy did not eat the ramen."
"Finally! That's what I've been trying to say!" Ryoga banged his fist against the floor, leaving a large hole. "Oops."
Shampoo stopped. "But Shampoo SEE him eat ramen. He bandanna girl, eat Shampoo ramen. I give her kiss of death. Then I see bandanna girl turn back into bandanna boy, so Shampoo try turn him girl again to kill..." she trailed off.
"But he beat you. Hmm. New curse, boy?" Cologne balanced on her staff. "Sit down, Shampoo." Shampoo did so, with much reluctance. "Now, if he'd eaten the ramen, he would be madly in love with someone here. Which he isn't." Shampoo opened her mouth to protest and Cologne shot her a warning look. "Also, it may have failed to grab your attention, but if you look closely, you will see that there are three Ryoga's in this room. If I'm guessing correctly, there is a fourth one as well, yes?"
Everybody nodded. "I'm his good side, he's the bad side .."
*BONK*
"OUCH!" R-A rubbed his head. "What was that for?"
Ryoga and R-D glared at him. "Let them stay confused. I have a bad feeling about this," R-D snarled.
"But maybe things will all work out well..."
"When have things EVER worked out well?!!"
Cologne looked at them. "I have heard many legends about this. Let me guess, you nearly got killed in a freak accident that wasn't supposed to happen, and various aspects of yourself turned up at the scene to share your injuries?"
Ryoga glared at his other selves. "Putting it simply, yes. Can you get rid of them?"
*A good and a bad - two opposites. The girl must be his alternate self, and now his curse has been altered so that he becomes a girl.* Cologne puzzled it all over. *How confusing.* She snapped back to attention. "Come on Shampoo, we need to talk." She hopped out of the window.
"Wait!" Ryoga jumped to his feet to run after her, but Shampoo appeared in his way.
"I go now. But this not over!" She jumped out of the window after Cologne.
Ryoga sighed, then looked at the mass destruction to the Dojo. "The bill for all this goes to them, not me, OK?"
~~~~~
Cologne tried to explain things to her great-granddaughter once again. It was now getting very frustrating. She tried again. "Shampoo, you can not kill Ryoga. As a girl or as a boy."
Shampoo glared at her. "You say strange bandanna-girl part of bandanna-boy, so Shampoo can kill bandanna-boy. They same person."
She tried again. "Technically yes, they are the same person. But you still can't kill them."
"WHY?!!"
Time to drop the bomb. "For starters, it wouldn't be a nice thing to do to your future husband." She waited a few moments for Shampoo to pick herself off the floor. Outside the doorway, Mousse paused and began to eavesdrop.
"HUSBAND?!!"
Cologne almost laughed at her great-granddaughter's outraged face. "He defeated you in battle. AFTER this fake photo appeared. So his engagement to you outranks Mousses engagement to you ..."
"SHAMPOO NEVER MARRY STUPID BANDANNA-BOY!!!!" Outside the door, Mousse smiled slightly.
"Why not?" he heard Cologne asked. "He's cute."
"Well ..."
"And strong."
"Yes, but ..."
"It's that or Mousse."
"Maybe bandanna-boy not so bad after all." The quickness of the reply made Mousse REALLY mad. He couldn't believe it. He'd been unable to believe his luck when he'd found out about the letter and photo, thinking that Cologne would finally give in and let him marry Shampoo. But now she was engaged to Ryoga? And she preferred it to being engaged to him? A fellow Amazon? Ryoga didn't even like her! It was time to teach Ryoga a lesson. Mousse stormed out of the restaurant in pursuit of his newest rival.
Back inside, Shampoo sighed. "But Shampoo still want Ranma." She smiled at the thought of her beloved.
"Well you can't have Ranma," Cologne snapped.
"But Shampoo not want marry Ryoga. ANY Ryoga," she added. "And what about girl type eat ramen? Shampoo give her kiss of death."
Cologne gritted her teeth in frustration. Why was Shampoo making this so hard?!! "You will marry the original Ryoga. You will not kill his girl half, whether it's him or another him. When we get to China, we will find a way to get rid of the extra three Ryoga's and that will be that." She jumped off the counter. "Now, GET BACK TO WORK!!"
Shampoo quickly shut her mouth and scuttled out of the room. *Shampoo not want to marry ANYONE,* she sulked. *When Shampoo find out who write letter, Shampoo KILL!* With this threat, she pulled on her apron and went back into the restaurant.
Cologne sighed. *That was hard.* She went back into the kitchen. "Mousse ..." She blinked. *Where is that boy?* A thought occurred to her and she left the kitchen swiftly. "Shampoo, I think you should go back to the Tendo Dojo. Mousse is on the warpath." Shampoo gave a long suffering sigh and walked out of the café. Cologne almost laughed. *Mousse will never learn, will he? I think I'll go see how my new son-in-law copes.*
End Part IX
Final song - Looking For Somebody
============================
PART X
How to stop a Mousse from charging.
============================
Soun Tendo looked around his Dojo, weeping buckets. Nabiki wondered vaguely why he always did that - the place always looked like a war site after enraged Amazons passed through. "Daddy, there's no need to cry. We're insured," she reminded him. *Although I intend to land those Amazons with a hefty bill for this*
Soun carried on crying. "Our ancient, ancestral home! It's in ruins! It'll never be the same again!"
Nabiki sighed. "Ranma, Ryogas, wood's in the backyard, nails and tools in the toolbox. Get repairing before Daddy floods the place even more."
Akane arrived, leading R-C. "What on earth happened here?!!"
"Shampoo wanted her ramen back," Ranma joked. "Why's R-C still blindfolded?"
"Dr Tofu's didn't have a cure, but he's looking for one," R-C explained. "He'll phone here later. What's happened?"
The boys explained while repairing the damage. They'd soon finished both, and went back inside. R-C sighed. "When Shampoo turns up, I'll have to face her. I can't let you take the rap."
"But you can't see," Ukyo reminded her.
R-C shrugged. "So? I could take her any day..."
*CRASH*
Everybody jumped at the noise. Mousse stood by a hole in the wall. "HIBIKI, PREPARE TO ... uh ... why are there three of you?"
"Hey! We just fixed that!" Ryoga moaned.
Mousse glared at him. "I said, why are there three of you?"
R-D cut in before Ryoga could reply. "He's really triplets."
"Quadruplets. You forgot R-C" Ranma reminded him.
Mousse shook his head. "Never mind." He fell into a fighting stance. "RYOGA, PREPARE TO DIE ...*THUNK* ...ugh."
Ryoga checked his umbrella to make sure it wasn't dented. "Mousse, do you feel OK?"
"You just smacked him in the head with an umbrella. Of course he's not OK," Ranma interjected.
Mousse clambered slowly to his feet. "The time for talk is over. But I will say this once." He pointed an accusatory finger at Ryoga. "I will NEVER accept your engagement to Shampoo!!!!"
R-C, R-A, Akane, Nabiki and Ukyo all spat their drinks across the table. "WHAT?!!" they all screamed.
R-C picked her jaw off the floor. "I never heard this part of the story!!"
Ryoga shook his head. "Neither did I!!"
"DIE!!"
The girls ran for cover. Well, most of them ran, leaving R-C sat in the middle of the floor, not knowing what direction to turn. (Which was nothing out of the ordinary.)
"WAITWAITWAIT!!!" Ryoga tried to avoid a mass volley of weaponry. "What are you talking about?!!!"
"Shampoo is mine!!!"
A blade went flying past his head. "You can keep her!!"
Mousse flared up. "You allowed yourself to be engaged to her and you don't WANT her?!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"
Ryoga kicked him and Mousse suddenly found himself blind as his glasses bounced to the floor. Squinting around, he saw a blurry figure, that looked slightly Ryoga-ish. ""you shall not escape!!!"
R-D reached over and pulled R-C to safety as a potentially lethal blade buried itself in the spot she'd been sitting. Ryoga whacked Mousse over the head with his umbrella.
"YOU"
*WHAM*
"STUPID"
*WHAM*
"BLIND"
*WHAM*
"IDIOT!"
*WHAM*
"YOU"
*WHAM*
"ALMOST"
*WHAM*
"KILLED"
*WHAM*
"MY"
*WHAM*
"SISTER!!!"
*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*
"Errr ... Ryoga, don't take this the wrong way, but you may wanna work on your communication skills before you start any kind of work," Ukyo said nervously.
R-D sniggered. "What for? I think Mousse got the message _quite_ clearly."
R-C whipped her head from side to side. "What happened? What's going on?"
Shampoo appeared at the caved in wall. "What happen to stupid Mousse?"
"I'm not going to marry you," Ryoga said quickly.
Cologne appeared at her great-granddaughter's side. "Did you do this to Mousse, son-in- law?"
Ranma shook his head. "No I didn't, Ryoga did."
Cologne smirked. "That's who I was talking to."
Ryoga shook his head. "Oh no! No way! I am NOT going to marry Shampoo!" He backed away. "Never! I'm not!" He looked over at Akane, who'd entered the room when she'd realised the immediate danger of decapitation was over. (Somewhere around the 'ill' in 'killed my sister'.) "I'm not going to marry Shampoo!"
Shampoo grinned. "Oh well, that look like that over ..." She turned to leave.
"Shampoo!" Cologne barked.
Shampoo groaned. "He no _want_ marry me ..."
"But Mousse does." Cologne pointed out. Shampoo immediately dropped the bonbori she was holding, dashed across the room and hugged the _very_ shell- shocked Ryoga hard. "Wo ai ne, Airen!!"
Ryoga turned a very dark shade of pink, then fainted.
~~~~~
He wriggled his nose as something tickled it lightly, not quite awake yet. After a moment, the tickling started again, rather as if someone was holding a feather under his nose. (That is one of the most ultra irritating things in the universe, next to Alvin and the Chipmunks and little siblings.) He reached and brushed his face, a slight frown appearing on his face.
Shampoo sighed, and peeked across the room at her great-grandmother. She'd given her a long lecture, telling her to make the best of a bad situation. Ryoga didn't need to know he was second-best, as far as they were concerned, so Shampoo needed to pretend she really did like him or he'd never agree to go to China with them, Cologne had explained. Shampoo didn't quite see why she had to play the loving fiancée while he was unconscious. Cologne was still staring at her intently, so Shampoo immediately resumed playing with Ryoga's hair, pretending she actually cared and feeling slightly guilty because she didn't. Now if it was _Ranma_ who was laying with his head on her lap ... a goofy grin appeared on her face and once again, long tendrils of purple hair brushed against Ryoga's nose.
Ryoga relented and opened his eyes. "Where am I?"
"Nihao, Airen!" Shampoo said with forced cheeriness. "How you feel?"
Cologne picked up Mousse, slung him over her shoulder and jumped out of the window. "Now, Shampoo, explain things carefully to your husband. See you later!"
Shampoo waited until she'd gone, then shoved Ryoga away from her. "Get up, Airen!"
Ryoga sat up. "We're not getting married and that's fin..." Looking around the room, he finally realised everyone was staring at them in a not staring at them kind of way. (Except for R-C, who was still blindfolded.) "...al," he finished weakly.
R-A looked around. "Uh ... I think I left my iron on." He jumped to his feet. Ranma stood up too. "Yeah, I think I left your iron on too." The room emptied quickly.
Shampoo looked sulky. "It either you ..."
"Wait a second," Ryoga interrupted. He walked swiftly over to the door and flung it open.
Ukyo, Ranma and R-D fell on a heap onto the floor, along with three glasses. "We were just, you know, collecting the dirty glasses for Kasumi," Ranma said quickly.
Ryoga glared at him. "I'm not quite _that_ gullible, Saotome. Now get lost!" He slammed the door and walked back over to Shampoo. "What were you saying?"
Shampoo started again. "Great-grandmother say Shampoo marry either you, or Mousse..."
"So you chose me?" Ryoga felt slightly flattered.
"Yes. Shampoo never want marry Mousse!" Shampoo decided she may as well try and act convincing, so she grabbed hold of Ryoga's hands. "Shampoo choose you!"
Ryoga blushed and pulled his hands away. "You don't really want to marry me, do you."
*NO!* she thought. "Yes!" she exclaimed, grabbing his hands back. "Shampoo like you for very long time," she insisted. *No Shampoo don't* her mind whispered. She shook her head a little and smiled brightly at Ryoga. "But Shampoo engaged to silly Ranma." *Shampoo still want to be engaged to silly Ranma.*
Ryoga pulled his hands away again. "You tried to kill me this morning," he pointed out. "You've tried to turn me into lunch, you've bounced off my head, run into me numerous times with your bike, you and Ranma set up a trap for me in the men's baths ..."
"Shampoo not know it you when she make you dinner and bounce on head, bike is accident and why you think Shampoo ambush you in men's bath?" she responded quickly.
"What about this morning?" Ryoga didn't believe a word of it.
Shampoo began to lose her patience. "Shampoo just annoyed last of love potion get stolen. Shampoo upset man she loves have to steal from her..."
Ryoga groaned. "Come on Shampoo, you don't want to marry me and I don't want to marry you. Stop pretending you do. Just marry Mousse. At least then, one of you will get what they want!"
Shampoo was annoyed now. *What Shampoo have to do to make him believe me?!!* True, she didn't want to marry Ryoga, but she wanted to marry Mousse even less. She couldn't understand it. She'd seen him fall for Ranma's dumb disguises many times and all Ranma had to do was glomp the guy. She'd already done that, and seemed to be no closer to winning him over. *Maybe it because he cursed as girl now ...*
Ryoga stood up. "See ya."
"WAIT!" Shampoo glomped him from behind, but still got nothing more than a blush from him. "Where you go?!!"
"I'm going to have something to eat. I haven't had breakfast yet ... or lunch," he replied, opening the door. Ukyo, Ranma and R-D crashed in a heap on the floor again. "What are you lot doing?!! Have you no respect for privacy?!!!"
Shampoo decided it was time for drastic measures. She grabbed Ryoga, spun him round to face her, flung her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. The three witnesses (who'd just picked themselves up) fell over in shock. Ryoga fainted for a second time. Shampoo felt strangely proud. After all, if she could kiss Ryoga without killing either him or her, then she felt the same could be said about marrying him.
End Part X
Final song - Communication Breakdown
You can find the rest of this story and others by Benji Delaski at www.lovesucks.topcities.com
PART VI
One more time.
==============
"Do we have to tie you lot all together or something?!" Nabiki stormed after R-A and dragged him back to the rest of the group. "I swear, if one of you wanders away again, we're going to have to put you on a leash! Somebody remind me to buy you guy's pagers!" She held her head in her hands. "This must be what it's like to be a parent! R-C!! Get back here!"
"But those dresses are so cute..."
"Do as you're damn well told! We need to get you lot organised!"
Akane stifled a giggle at seeing her calm and collected sister trying to keep the four Ryoga's under control. It was hard enough keeping track of one! R-A kept wandering away to look at shop windows, R-D kept hiding purely to irritate Nabiki and R-C was impatient to get shopping and kept bouncing around. The only one behaving was the original Ryoga, now Ryoga- chan thanks to a sprinkler. "Nabiki, why don't I go shopping with R-C, Ranma with Ryoga-chan and you with R-A and R-D?"
Nabiki glared at her sister. "Because, sister dear, Ranma and Ryoga, girl or guy, hate each other and R-D hates me and Daddy will not be pleased if we run up a huge property damage bill. How about I take R-C and R-A, Ranma takes R-D and you take Ryoga- chan?"
"I'm not going with R-D!" Ranma cut in. *If he decided to fight me ... he won't have the Angel side holding him back .... the property damage would be terrible!* "R-A yes, Ryoga-chan or R-C very big maybe but not R-D!"
R-D groaned. "Why not stick us in the crèche and go shopping for us?"
"That's not such a bad idea actually." Ranma grinned. "How about I ask Ucchan to keep an eye on them and we nip in a few shops? Nabiki can look for some pagers for them so we can track 'em down to pay off your Dad's loan?"
"We get to make a list of what we need" R-A muttered.
"Sure. Pen, paper ... hmmm" R-C began to write out her list.
Akane glanced over her shoulder at page three. "Sailor fuka, 2 kimonos, 3 pairs of shorts cotton, dark pink, green and black, 1 pair denim, 2 bikinis, 1 swimsuit, walkman and Sailor Moon soundtrack ... are you sure you need all this?" she queried, eyes slightly glazed.
"Of course. A girl has a lot of needs. Besides, we're paying all the money off. And if Ryoga-chan comes round to the idea of waitressing.."
"I'm not being a waitress."
R-C pouted. "A waitress job'll be easy to find. If she eventually warms to the idea, I may need to lend her some clothes."
R-A looked over his list. "With the clothes and the camping gear we lost, we'll be in dept till we're twenty at least."
Ryoga-chan glared at him. "Then you'd better stick around till then."
"Hehe ... sure ... er ... everyone finished?" R-A looked around. "Here's the list. Where's Ucchans?"
"Don't worry, we don't expect you to know." Ranma sighed. "ALL of you, follow me. No window shopping, no wandering, and I know you all hate me but I'd appreciate no 'Ranma prepare to dies' OK?" He led them to the restaurant with no property damage and almost no arguments.
Ukyo looked up. "Hey Ranchan!"
"Ucchan." Ranma stepped aside. "Meet R-D, the one with the blond bit, R-A, the other guy, R-C, one of the girls and Ryoga-chan, the other girl."
Ryoga-chan grimaced. "Could you not call me Ryoga-chan?"
"But you look so cute when you wince. Ryoga-chan." Ranma laughed at her. Ryoga-chan and R-C both looked so cute when they winced - calling Ryoga Ryoga-chan was a sure way of getting a reaction.
Ukyo gazed at them, jaw slack. "Two new boy Ryoga's, a new girl Ryoga and Ryoga's a girl?"
"Until I can get a kettle," Ryoga-chan snarled.
"You got it. R-D is a bastard. He's Ryoga's devil side. R-A is a bona fide angel nice guy, which gives me the creeps. Both Ryoga-chan's are just like he is as a guy."
"You forgot the part stating that we all hate you," R-D pointed out. "If Ukyo whacks out one or two of us, there's still two more. And if you try killing the original before his time, even more of us will pop up." He smiled sweetly. "Continue digging your grave, Ranma."
Ranma gulped. "Yeah, well, Ucchan, I was wondering if they could stay here for an hour or so. Their stuff got struck by lightning and we dare not let them loose in the shopping centre. Thanks so much bye-bye!" He fled.
Ukyo gazed vacantly into space. "Yeah. Sure. Anything you say." She turned round as R- A tapped her on the arm.
"Uh ... Do you want us to do anything? Get you anything?" he asked cautiously.
"Do you feel all right?" She squinted at him. "No blond bit. You're the nice guy, right?"
"Umm ... yeah?"
"A very strong alcoholic drink and an explanation would do me for a start." She looked at them. "Where did you all come from? There's enough of you to form a pop group for christsake!"
R-C sniggered. "\, Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know \,"
Ryoga-chan joined in. "\, That something wasn't right here \,"
"\, Oh baby baby I shouldn't have let you go
And now you're right outside me \," they sang in unison
The two boys chimed in too "\, Show me how you wanted to be,
Tell me baby cause I need to know now
what we've got\," They split into two parts.
"\, My loneliness is killing me (And I)
I must confess I still believe (Still believe!)
When you're not with me well you're not mine
Give me a sign (Altogether now!)
Hit me baby one more time!\,"
~~~~~
*Note- That song is originally sung in English, but I don't know any Japanese songs I could've used instead. Scratch that. I don't know any Japanese songs at all. I listen to the radio far too much, but I will try to cut down on adding song parts into my writing.
~~~~~
Ukyo stared at them in total and absolute amazement. "T-that was incredible! That was really, really good!"
"Well, it works better with four of us than it did with one," Ryoga-chan said with a grin.
"At least we all know the words, anyway," R-C added.
R-D snorted. "That's 'cause he has way too much spare time!"
"Too much spare time?! There's no such thing!" R-A hit him on the arm.
"Don't you hit me, you sissy!"
"It was only a joke!"
"HEY!" Ukyo yelled. "You mess up the restaurant, you pay for damages! Now ... who's who again? Oh, this is just too stupid. Stay here." She walked out of the room and reappeared a few minuets with a bundle of clothes. "Here. Put some different clothes on so I can tell you apart. Which of you girls is which?"
"R-C is the one grabbing all the little skirts," Ryoga-chan pointed out. She took the kettle of water from Ukyo and poured it over her head. "Much better!" *Now my clothes fit!*
R-C looked up from the pile of clothes. "I still think you should look for a waitress job with me."
You could almost see the light bulb go *ping* above Ukyo. She grabbed a cup of cold water and tipped it over R-A and Ryoga. "What was that for?!! I just got changed back!" Ryoga-chan yelled.
"I couldn't remember who was who," she explained to R-A. "Twin waiters and twin waitresses. How would you guys like a job here?"
End Part VI
Final song - One More Time
==================
PART VII
Look before you leap.
==================
"This uniform doesn't fit," R-C whined.
Ukyo gritted her teeth. "It fit's Ryoga-chan so it fits you."
"Don't call me that!" Ryoga-chan snapped.
Ukyo and R-C ignored her. "It's too tight in the chest ..." R-C continued.
*CLANG*
Ukyo examined the dent in her spatula. "Do you want the job or not? From what I've heard of your shopping list, you need this job a lot. The attraction of two twin sets will bring in lots of customers, lots of tips and lots of wages."
R-C pouted. "It doesn't suit me."
Ukyo turned and whacked Ryoga-chan over the head. "OW! What was that for?! She's the one complaining!"
"She's your female side and it's because of you she's here!"
"WHAT?!!" Ryoga-chan's battle aura flared. "That's not fair! I got struck by lightning!"
R-C quickly cut in. "The uniform fits OK now, lets get changed back into our other clothes. Ranma and the others should be here soon." They ignored her.
"You should know better than to wave metal poles around in an electrical storm!"
"The storm hadn't even started! I just picked up a tent pole and BOOM! Next thing I know, it's morning and the whole area's fried!" She lowered her voice. "They may be annoying, but it's because of them that I'm even alive!"
"I don't see why they bothered. It's not like anyone would've cared!" Ukyo snarled.
Ryoga-chan stepped back in shock and a deathly silence filled the restaurant. She ripped the uniform off, silently yanked her jumper over her head and ran out of the restaurant. Silenced reigned little longer. Then R- D jumped over the counter with a yell, grabbed Ukyo by the collar and lifted her off the ground. "You insensitive little witch!!! You're supposed to be his friend! Do you have any idea how much that little comment hurt?!!"
R-C glowered at Ukyo, who was wriggling like a fish, gasping for air. R-A sighed. "Open mouth, insert foot. Put her down, R-D."
After a moment he let go. Ukyo collapsed unceremoniously on the floor and took a few deep breaths. She stood up and grabbed a flask of hot water and Ryoga's trousers. "I-I have to apologise to him ... that was way out of line ..." she mumbled, running out of the door.
"Where're you going?" R-C asked.
Ukyo turned and looked at her. "To find Ryoga-chan. So I can apologise. You three can either help me, or stay here."
"We're coming too," R-A replied.
"Yeah. To make sure you don't say anything else dumb like that," R-D muttered angrily.
R-C sighed. "I guess she didn't mean it that much, but you know what our 'bro's' like." She looked over at Ukyo. "We'll help you find him. We may have no sense of direction when it comes to finding place, but finding each other is something we can do easily."
~~~~~
Ryoga-chan looked at her reflection in the river with hatred. *It's not me. I'm a guy ... I don't look like that ...* she thought, knowing that no matter how much she denied it, it was really her. Him. She picked up a stick and ran it over the surface. Ripples broke up the image, distorting it. That was better. She could almost pretend it was her male reflection looking up at her. She lifted the stick and looked at the water again. After a moment the ripples faded and the image formed. Girl. A delicate feminine face. With a growl she stirred up the water viciously so it was impossible to see anything. *Why am I bothering? She's right. Girl or guy, no-one would care if I had died. No-one at all.* Tears ran down her face. *I'd still be alone ... unloved ...* She rubbed a sleeve across her face. Ukyo's cruel words ran through her mind again, bringing fresh tears to her eyes. *I'm never going to get Akane. I'm nothing to her.* She stirred the water again, not wanting the female face to settle. *I can't even stand to live with being half girl, how could anyone else?* For the first time he understood why Ranma hated his girl side so much. At least as a pig, he'd still been a guy. Being a girl playing havoc with his ... her self- identifying. And there were enough of him around anyway. Nobody ever knew which one he was, either, which didn't quite help the identity crisis he was going through. She stiffened, sensing someone behind her.
"Umm ... hi ..." Ukyo sat down next to her. Ryoga-chan ignored her and carried on stirring. Ukyo continued cautiously. "I just ... really have to apologise for what I said."
"Why?" she asked quietly.
Ukyo sighed. "Because it was mean and cruel and totally uncalled for. Just because Ra ..Ranchan was paying more attention to you and your other selves than he was to me." She looked at the floor in embarrassment. "I was jealous of all the attention you'd been getting and I wanted to hurt you. I'm ... I'm sorry. I didn't think," she whispered, "you'd get so upset."
Ryoga-chan looked at the ripples. "Why?"
"Because it's not even true!" Ukyo jumped to her feet. "We'd all've been upset if you'd died!"
She laughed a bitter laugh. "Feh. You'd all think I'd gotten lost again. By the time you all found out I was gone, you'd have forgotten who I was. No one would care. Nobody even likes me. I'm just the weirdo who pops up every so often to kill Ranma and always fails." The tears began to well up again and she wiped her face angrily. "Nobody c-cares how I f- feel or how m-m- much it h-hurts ..."
Ukyo knelt down next to her. "Come on, cheer up Ryoga-chan ..."
Ryoga-chan jumped to her feet. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!!" she screamed. Ukyo backed away, startled. "I HATE IT!! I _HATE_ IT!!!" She grabbed Ukyo's spatula and hacked at the water with it, destroying her reflection. "I'M NOT A GIRL! I WON'T BE A GIRL!" Sobbing, she caught sight of herself in the spatula's metal surface. She struck the ground with it over and over. "I AM A GUY!! I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND I ALWAYS WILL!!!" The metal shattered and Ryoga-chan fell to the ground.
Ukyo looked at her in shock. She'd never seen Ryoga lose it so badly before. Maybe all this was harder on her than anyone thought. If anyone did think. Now that she actually thought about it, it would be very freaky. She reached out and touched Ryoga-chan on the shoulder, suddenly feeling sorry for her. Ryoga-chan shied away from her and stood up. "Don't touch me," she growled. "Where're all the others?"
"Over there." Ukyo pointed at the other three Ryoga's watching them though the trees. "We've brought your trousers and some hot water." She gave her a weak smile. "I'm sorry. I-if you don't want to be a waitress it's OK."
Ryoga-chan pulled on her trousers and poured the hot water over her head. "I'll think about it," he promised. "We should get back now."
End Part VII
Final song - Travelling Riverside Blues
===========
PART IIX
Poison.
===========
"You know what?" Ukyo flipped an okonomiyaki with obvious expertise.
"What?" Ryoga asked.
"If you died now, we'd know about it. Especially with that lot wreaking havoc all over town."
Ryoga thought about it for a second, before realising she was right. "Hmm."
"Okonomiyaki. On the house."
"Oh. Thanks."
~~~~~
On the roof, a familiar figure was lurking. "Ranma darling will be mine! I shall eliminate the other foolish girls carefully this time ... hohohohohohohohohoho!!! Yes, it was Kodachi. "If I cannot kill them, I shall make sure they are ... otherwise engaged, to put it simply. Hohohohohohohohohohoho!!!" Looking through the skylight, she waited ... and tipped a small bag of powder over the okonomiyaki on the grill. "If the peasant Hibiki is the only customer there, then logic concludes it would be for him. Hohohoh ..." She stopped in mid cackle. Were her eyes deceiving her, or was that another Hibiki boy?! And another! She couldn't be seeing double - one of them had a blond streak in his hair. And now there was another girl ... dressed identically to the boys ... looking just like the boys ... but obviously not a boy. She fumbled with her camera and took a quick photo to make sure she hadn't inhaled any poison. She had a few different sachets with her. *Ah ... one of the boys is picking up the okonomiyaki ...*
~~~~~
"Why do we keep going back to the subject of death?" R-A asked. "It's totally morbid."
"Because you are still here, and our injuries from the lightning are not." Ryoga picked up his okonomiyaki. "You said that maybe you had to stay here until I died and I just wonder how long that'll be." He bit into it.
"Long enough," R-C said flippantly.
Kodachi poison#35z took effect quickly. Ryoga blacked out and landed on the floor in a heap. Ukyo gave a squeal of horror and jumped over the counter. "Oh no! I've killed him! My okonomiyaki's killed him!"
R-D looked surprised. "No, he's OK. Otherwise someone's really screwed up."
Ukyo shook Ryoga by the shoulders. "Wake up, you jackass!" There was no response and she glared at his duplicates. "Well don't just stand there, phone Dr Tofu or something!"
The other three immediately jumped to attention and all tried to find the phone. Not an easy task with the Hibiki sense of direction. R-D found the phone first. "Doc's on his way now," he confirmed. He looked curiously at Ukyo, who was still trying to wake Ryoga up. "Why so concerned? He'll be fine. He's not going anywhere yet."
Ukyo groaned. "I know. But what if you're wrong? Or even worse, what if more of you turn up?"
R-C snickered. "Yeah. There'll be his inner child and inner adult, paranoia and confidence..."
"Enough already!" She gestured to them. "Someone try to find a blanket without destroying my restaurant. No, stay here, I'll get one."
Outside, Kodachi's laugh echoed through the night.
~~~~~
It was a tight squeeze in the spare room. Especially with the shopping too. Ryoga was lying on a futon with R-A, R-C and R-D sat around the edge. Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, Nabiki and Dr Tofu stood around them.
"Poison?" R-A asked again weakly.
Dr Tofu nodded. "Yes. A non-lethal poison, but a poison never the less."
Ranma groaned. "I bring 'em here so they can't get into trouble and he gets himself poisoned!"
Ukyo looked ill. "It's my fault, isn't it? It was the okonomiyaki, wasn't it, Dr?"
"Not the okonomiyaki itself, somebody must have sprinkled a powdered poison onto it."
"I'll have to throw the rest of today's batter away then" she decided. "It's all my fault!!!"
Akane looked her friend. "I'm sure it wasn't really you're fault, Ukyo."
"Hah! If only!" She turned back to Dr Tofu. "Will he be OK?"
"Hmm?" Dr Tofu looked at her. "Oh, yes, he'll be fine. I don't suggest you move him, just let him sleep it off."
"OK," Ranma proclaimed. "We'll take the other three and the shopping home. Are you OK, Ucchan?"
"Hmm?" She dragged her gaze away from the unconscious Ryoga and looked at her fiance. "Yeah. I'm OK. I was just thinking."
"At least we'll be able to tell them apart!" Ranma said with a grin. "When Ryoga's Ryoga, he looks just like R-A and when she's Ryoga-chan she looks just like R-C."
"Mmm." Ukyo though about that for a second. "Ranchan, can I talk to you for a second?"
"Yeah?" He looked at her.
She dragged him out of the room. "I don't think you should antagonise Ryoga by calling him Ryoga-chan as a girl."
He looked at her, puzzled. "Why? What's the harm? We always antagonise each other." Ukyo briefly explained the day's events, edited of course. Ranma shrugged. "Sounds like typical Ryoga behaviour to me. Don't get so worried about it."
R-D poked his head around the corner. "What are you two doing?"
"Talking."
"Damn!" R-D sighed. *Why can't you just marry Ukyo and leave Akane for Ryoga?!*
R-A poked his head around the corner too. "OK? Ukyo, cheer up a bit. Do you want any of us to stay here and keep you company?"
"No, that's alright. There's not much room here anyway." She followed them back into the room where R-C was examining some of the clothes.
"Did you get some pyjamas?"
"Red bag underneath the khaki culottes," Akane pointed out. "Why not wait till we get back to the Dojo before going through it all?"
R-C thought for a moment. "Yeah. I just wanted to check for the essentials. Speaking of which, did you get the Sailor Moon CD?"
"HMV bag."
"And the ..."
"Check when we get back!" Akane repeated with a long suffering sigh. "If I've forgotten anything, we can go shopping again tomorrow."
~~~~~
Elsewhere in town, Shampoo and Cologne were having a heated discussion.
"Shampoo, this is the last chance you'll have to get Ranma back," Cologne repeated.
"But Shampoo still no understand why!"
Cologne waved the photograph at her, which had been given to Ranma a few days ago and had found it's way into her hands. "I know this is a fake. You know it's a fake. I suppose even Son-in-law knows it's a fake..."
Shampoo snatched the photograph from her and crumpled it up. "Stupid Mousse NEVER defeat Shampoo, Ranma know that. Why he pretend this real?!"
Cologne tried to think of a nice way to put it. "Son-in-law ... I think he's scared of commitment. He sees this photograph as a way out of his engagement to you. That we could deal with, if this was the only copy. But that awful Nabiki Tendo has made more copies and given them to her contacts, saying that if we make any attempt to win back Son-in-law now, she'll send it to our village."
"So how we stop her?" Shampoo looked at her great-grandmother in despair. "If council find this photograph, they make Shampoo marry Mousse."
Cologne held up two bottles. "This the last bit we have left of either. Make sure you do not fail."
Shampoo read the labels on the bottles written in mandarin. "Shampoo 411 and love potion? Why we not use sooner?"
Cologne sighed. "We wanted him to come to China on his own free will. Now, this potion will make him fall madly in love with the first person of the opposite sex he sees. Make sure he is male, and make sure no other girls are around."
Shampoo nodded. "Shampoo give it to Ranma tomorrow morning, make sure spatula girl and gorilla girl not around."
End Part IIX
Final song - Poison
================================
PART IX
The best laid plans of mice and (wo)men ...
================================
R-C yawned and stretched. *Morning already. Guess I'd better bag the bathroom before everyone wakes up.* She washed quickly, then pulled on some of her new clothes. *Nice morning for a stroll ... I'll go to Ucchans and see how my other half is.*
~~~~~
*Note - Although the four Ryoga's are not quadruplets, they all have a special link, like some twins and triplets do. They will always be able to find each other, which is why R- C was able to find the Dojo after they'd all gotten there too. She is now working on the assumption that she will be able to find her way there and back again, providing that none of the others decide to go for a walk too.
~~~~~
She bounced from roof to roof, looking at the streets below, hoping that their general unclutteredness was simply because it was early morning and not because she'd left the city. Purple hair caught her eye. *Shampoo. Good. That means I'm still in Tokyo." She looked at Shampoo a little longer. *Wonder who she's delivering to so early in the morning?*
A mean thought popped into her head. A thought worthy of R-D. She wasn't entirely fond of Shampoo. After all, she'd tried to kill Akane, and the whole soap fiasco had been very hard on Ryoga. Although R-C didn't share the love for Akane that her 'brothers' did, she did share the anger towards Shampoo.
Shampoo's reputation as a delivery girl would take a blow if she didn't deliver the ramen within half an hour, and R-C hadn't had any breakfast. She silently waited for Shampoo to walk underneath her, then reached down and grabbed the delivery box from her.
Shampoo looked around in surprise as the box vanished from her grip. "Wha ...?"
A giggle made her look up just in time to see R-C gobble down the last of the ramen. "Very nice. Thanks for the food!"
Shampoo was seized by a terrible rage. This stranger had stolen her spiked ramen - RANMA'S ramen and eaten it. All of it. Now she'd lost Ranma. "You ... you ..."
R-C began her roof to roof trek to Ucchans again. "Better get back to the Cat Café and make some more," she called over her shoulder. Next moment, a bonbori struck her between the shoulder blades, knocking her flat on her face.
Shampoo leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "Bandanna girl eat Shampoo ramen. Bandanna girl - KILL!!!"
R-C rolled over and the bonbori went crashing through the roof. "Wha... what was that for?!!" she yelled, jumping to her feet. "It's only ramen!"
"SPECIAL ramen!" Shampoo lashed out again. "Shampoo kill bad bandanna girl!"
"Special?" R-C blinked, dodging the bonbori strikes. "You mean you spiked it?!" Remembering the love pill incident, she pulled her bandanna over her eyes and jumped to the ground. This _did_ mean it was hard to see where Shampoo was going to strike. She ran through buildings back towards the Tendo Dojo.
~~~~~
"Where's R-C?" Akane asked, looking around the breakfast table.
R-A shrugged. "Gone for a walk." He handed her a bowl of miso soup.
"What? Won't she get dreadfully lost?" Ranma asked. "Can I have her breakfast?"
R-D bopped him over the head. "No you can't. As long as we're here, she'll be able to find her way back."
Nabiki sat down. "So if we know where one of you is, you'll know where any of the others are?" She sighed. "Damn! There's goes all the interest piling up while half of you vanished and couldn't be found."
"Good morning!" a cheery voice proclaimed. Ukyo and Ryoga entered the room, Ukyo now with a new spatula.
"Ukyo, Ryoga, welcome! I'm sorry we haven't got any breakfast left but you're welcome to have some tea" Kasumi said, indicating the table.
"Make mine with three sugars." Ukyo sat down next to Ranma. "He found his own way here! Can you believe it?! I turned around to buy a newspaper, thought I'd lost him, and he was still on the right path!" She held a hand to her head. "I'm in shock!"
Genma appeared at the table. "Any food left?"
"Sorry, Uncle Saotome. It's all gone," Kasumi said sorrowfully.
Genma glared at Ranma. "How dare you deprive you father of his breakfast?" In one swift movement, he threw his son into the pond.
"Hey! What was that for?!" Ranma-chan spluttered. "It's all the extra Ryoga's!" She dragged herself out of the pond and back to the table. "And you've drunk all the hot water too," she moaned, glaring at Ryoga.
Ryoga glared back. "Don't drip all over me." In response, Ranma-chan tipped a glass of cold water over him. "HEY! You little ..."
The argument was stopped abruptly by the arrival of R-C, who luckily came in through the open door. "Where on earth am I now?!"
R-D blinked. "Why are you blindfolded?" He reached out to pull it away.
"NONONO DON'T TOUCH!!" She smacked his hands away. "I pinched some spiced ramen from Shampoo and she's given me the kiss of death, but I don't know where she is now."
"Shampoo spiced ramen? It was probably for me." Ranma-chan looked out of the doorway. "Judging by the wave of destruction you've left, I don't think it'll be long before she arrives."
R-C groaned. "What do I do? Can someone lead me to Dr Tofu's? I need a cure for this love thing before I take off the bandanna to fight her."
Akane nodded, then remembered that R-C couldn't see her. "I'll take you. I know how you feel." They both left, Akane telling R-C about the love pills, R-C pretending she didn't know anything about it.
R-A stood up. "I'll boil a kettle."
"Make sure there's only enough for Ryoga," R-D called.
Ranma-chan stuck her tongue out at him and opened her mouth to say something nasty in reply. "..."
The wall caved in. "Bandanna girl I kill!" Shampoo roared. She now had a sword with her, which whistled across the room and embedded itself in the wall just above Ryoga-chan's head.
"Wait! You've got the wrong person!" she protested, jumping out of the way of another attack.
"I give you kiss of death, now you die!" She yanked the sword out of the wall and swung it in a gleaming arc towards Ryoga-chan's neck. Ryoga-chan dodged and the sword narrowly missed R-D.
"Be careful with that thing!" he yelled angrily, grabbing her wrist and throwing the sword across the room.
"Bandanna boy let Shampoo go!" Shampoo struggled wildly.
Ranma-chan leaned over. "I'd let go if I was you, before it counts as a defeat and you end up marrying her," she whispered.
R-D snarled and let go of her. "Be a girl and beat her up," he called to Ryoga-chan. "Ignore your angel side for a moment - you're a girl!"
Ryoga-chan sighed. *I'd better do what he says before she hurts one of the girls with that sword.* She dodged another attack from Shampoo and punched her in the back of the head. Shampoo slumped to the ground unconscious.
R-A walked back in with a kettle. "Here's hot water for both of you," he said, handing the kettle to Ranma-chan and ignoring the chaos.
"W-will she be alright?" Ukyo asked.
Ryoga-chan nodded. "Yes. But I wish hadn't done it." She took the kettle from Ranma.
Shampoo woke up just in time to see Ryoga-chan pour the hot water over herself. She blinked a few times. "B-bandanna boy bandanna girl?! But how?!" She looked around the room. "Why there three bandanna boys?" Then she remembered the situation at hand and narrowed her eyes. "You still eat Shampoo ramen..." she muttered, picking up a glass of water. "Girl-type, I KILL!"
"Why did we all get different clothes?" Ryoga growled. "If she didn't know who was who ..." He jumped out of the path of the water.
"She doesn't. That's the problem," R-A pointed out.
Shampoo threw another glass of water at Ryoga, which he dodged again. "Stay still!"
"No way!"
With a growl, she stomped out of the Dojo. The momentary sigh of relief from everyone was short-lived when she re-appeared with a garden hose.
"Not in my Dojo!" Soun wailed. Shampoo ignored him and turned it on. Nabiki dragged her sister out of the room, closely followed by R-D. R-A, Ryoga and Ranma managed to dodge the water stream, but Genma and Ukyo were not quite so lucky, instantly soaked through.
Ranma jumped over the water stream, grabbed the hose from Shampoo and turned it off. "Shampoo, would you listen!"
Shampoo whacked him over the head. "Ranma stay out of this!" She renewed her water attack. "Bad boy stay still, let Shampoo kill!"
Ukyo stormed over to her and stood on the hose. "How dare you hit Ranchan!"
Shampoo glared at her. "Spatula girl get out of way. I give girl-type Ryoga kiss of death, girl-type Ryoga I kill."
"But you didn't give Ryoga the kiss of death," Ukyo tried to explain.
The bonbori hurled through the air towards her. "Obstacle, DIE!"
Ryoga ripped off one of his bandannas and threw it across the room. "Stop this!"
The handle of the bonbori sliced cleanly in half and the top half whacked Shampoo in the head. She fell to the ground for the second time that day.
Ukyo sighed. "Thanks." She took her foot off the hose.
Ryoga-chan and Ranma-chan glared at her. "You couldn't have turned that off, could you?"
~~~~~
"Can't we tie her up or something?" Ukyo was referring, of course, to Shampoo, who was currently out cold on a futon. "She's just going to go berserk when she wakes up."
"I know ... but it just seems a bit mean." R-A sighed. "Maybe she'll listen this time."
R-D snorted. "Hah. Whatever you've stolen from Kodachi, stop taking it. It's messing up your mind."
Ranma nodded. "Much as I hate to say it, he's right. Shampoo's really angry about this."
Ryoga groaned. "Why? Why can't she just go back to her café and plot with her great- grandmother about their next plans?" He shook his head. "I've mucked up her plans before - why is she hell-bent on my destruction now?"
Ranma coughed. "Well, uh ... this is kinda like her last chance to get me ..."
R-D grabbed his collar. "Spill."
Nabiki handed him a letter and a photograph. "Ranma got this through the post last week. It's obviously faked, but so what?"
Ryoga, R-A and Ukyo craned their heads to get a look in. "Mousse defeated Shampoo?!!" Ryoga shook his head. "Yep. Definitely fake."
R-A shrugged. "Well, not necessarily - he might really ... ack."
R-D shook him. "Do you really think Mousse would hurt Shampoo?"
Nabiki ignored them. "The letter's the real proof."
Ukyo read it aloud. "Dear Ranma, Mousse has defeated me in battle, because this had happened after you defeated me, that makes him my suitor. I have decided to marry Mousse and bother you no more hope we can be friends Shampoo?" She sighed. "Whoever really wrote this was bananas. Shampoo can barely say all that in Japanese, let alone spell it."
"Exactly." Nabiki took back the photo and letter. "I made lots of copies and told Cologne that if they didn't do as the letter said, I'd order my contacts to send a few copies to her village." She looked at Shampoo. "My guess is, she was going to make Ranma fall in love with her and use that shampoo to erase my memory." She smirked. "Pity the shampoo's gone down the sink."
"You never cease to amaze me," Ranma said in glee. "Thanks to you and R-C, I'm saved!"
"I guess that's it then, son-in-law." Everyone whipped round to see Cologne standing in the doorway. She sighed. "I should have accompanied Shampoo. But I was afraid you'd see me first. Then I'd have to face my great- granddaughter's wrath."
Shampoo groaned and opened her eyes. "Ugh ... great-grandmother?"
"We never got around to tying her up, did we?" R-A said casually.
"Feh. Any one of us could take her, anytime," R-D snorted.
"Yeah, well you don't have to worry about it, do you?" Ryoga pointed out.
Cologne bounced over to them. "May I ask why you are now three people?"
Ryoga shrugged. "You can ask. But if Shampoo murders me, you won't get an answer."
Shampoo turned to them. "Bad boy! How dare you hit Shampoo?! I KILL!"
Cologne pointed her staff at her. "Wait, Shampoo. This boy did not eat the ramen."
"Finally! That's what I've been trying to say!" Ryoga banged his fist against the floor, leaving a large hole. "Oops."
Shampoo stopped. "But Shampoo SEE him eat ramen. He bandanna girl, eat Shampoo ramen. I give her kiss of death. Then I see bandanna girl turn back into bandanna boy, so Shampoo try turn him girl again to kill..." she trailed off.
"But he beat you. Hmm. New curse, boy?" Cologne balanced on her staff. "Sit down, Shampoo." Shampoo did so, with much reluctance. "Now, if he'd eaten the ramen, he would be madly in love with someone here. Which he isn't." Shampoo opened her mouth to protest and Cologne shot her a warning look. "Also, it may have failed to grab your attention, but if you look closely, you will see that there are three Ryoga's in this room. If I'm guessing correctly, there is a fourth one as well, yes?"
Everybody nodded. "I'm his good side, he's the bad side .."
*BONK*
"OUCH!" R-A rubbed his head. "What was that for?"
Ryoga and R-D glared at him. "Let them stay confused. I have a bad feeling about this," R-D snarled.
"But maybe things will all work out well..."
"When have things EVER worked out well?!!"
Cologne looked at them. "I have heard many legends about this. Let me guess, you nearly got killed in a freak accident that wasn't supposed to happen, and various aspects of yourself turned up at the scene to share your injuries?"
Ryoga glared at his other selves. "Putting it simply, yes. Can you get rid of them?"
*A good and a bad - two opposites. The girl must be his alternate self, and now his curse has been altered so that he becomes a girl.* Cologne puzzled it all over. *How confusing.* She snapped back to attention. "Come on Shampoo, we need to talk." She hopped out of the window.
"Wait!" Ryoga jumped to his feet to run after her, but Shampoo appeared in his way.
"I go now. But this not over!" She jumped out of the window after Cologne.
Ryoga sighed, then looked at the mass destruction to the Dojo. "The bill for all this goes to them, not me, OK?"
~~~~~
Cologne tried to explain things to her great-granddaughter once again. It was now getting very frustrating. She tried again. "Shampoo, you can not kill Ryoga. As a girl or as a boy."
Shampoo glared at her. "You say strange bandanna-girl part of bandanna-boy, so Shampoo can kill bandanna-boy. They same person."
She tried again. "Technically yes, they are the same person. But you still can't kill them."
"WHY?!!"
Time to drop the bomb. "For starters, it wouldn't be a nice thing to do to your future husband." She waited a few moments for Shampoo to pick herself off the floor. Outside the doorway, Mousse paused and began to eavesdrop.
"HUSBAND?!!"
Cologne almost laughed at her great-granddaughter's outraged face. "He defeated you in battle. AFTER this fake photo appeared. So his engagement to you outranks Mousses engagement to you ..."
"SHAMPOO NEVER MARRY STUPID BANDANNA-BOY!!!!" Outside the door, Mousse smiled slightly.
"Why not?" he heard Cologne asked. "He's cute."
"Well ..."
"And strong."
"Yes, but ..."
"It's that or Mousse."
"Maybe bandanna-boy not so bad after all." The quickness of the reply made Mousse REALLY mad. He couldn't believe it. He'd been unable to believe his luck when he'd found out about the letter and photo, thinking that Cologne would finally give in and let him marry Shampoo. But now she was engaged to Ryoga? And she preferred it to being engaged to him? A fellow Amazon? Ryoga didn't even like her! It was time to teach Ryoga a lesson. Mousse stormed out of the restaurant in pursuit of his newest rival.
Back inside, Shampoo sighed. "But Shampoo still want Ranma." She smiled at the thought of her beloved.
"Well you can't have Ranma," Cologne snapped.
"But Shampoo not want marry Ryoga. ANY Ryoga," she added. "And what about girl type eat ramen? Shampoo give her kiss of death."
Cologne gritted her teeth in frustration. Why was Shampoo making this so hard?!! "You will marry the original Ryoga. You will not kill his girl half, whether it's him or another him. When we get to China, we will find a way to get rid of the extra three Ryoga's and that will be that." She jumped off the counter. "Now, GET BACK TO WORK!!"
Shampoo quickly shut her mouth and scuttled out of the room. *Shampoo not want to marry ANYONE,* she sulked. *When Shampoo find out who write letter, Shampoo KILL!* With this threat, she pulled on her apron and went back into the restaurant.
Cologne sighed. *That was hard.* She went back into the kitchen. "Mousse ..." She blinked. *Where is that boy?* A thought occurred to her and she left the kitchen swiftly. "Shampoo, I think you should go back to the Tendo Dojo. Mousse is on the warpath." Shampoo gave a long suffering sigh and walked out of the café. Cologne almost laughed. *Mousse will never learn, will he? I think I'll go see how my new son-in-law copes.*
End Part IX
Final song - Looking For Somebody
============================
PART X
How to stop a Mousse from charging.
============================
Soun Tendo looked around his Dojo, weeping buckets. Nabiki wondered vaguely why he always did that - the place always looked like a war site after enraged Amazons passed through. "Daddy, there's no need to cry. We're insured," she reminded him. *Although I intend to land those Amazons with a hefty bill for this*
Soun carried on crying. "Our ancient, ancestral home! It's in ruins! It'll never be the same again!"
Nabiki sighed. "Ranma, Ryogas, wood's in the backyard, nails and tools in the toolbox. Get repairing before Daddy floods the place even more."
Akane arrived, leading R-C. "What on earth happened here?!!"
"Shampoo wanted her ramen back," Ranma joked. "Why's R-C still blindfolded?"
"Dr Tofu's didn't have a cure, but he's looking for one," R-C explained. "He'll phone here later. What's happened?"
The boys explained while repairing the damage. They'd soon finished both, and went back inside. R-C sighed. "When Shampoo turns up, I'll have to face her. I can't let you take the rap."
"But you can't see," Ukyo reminded her.
R-C shrugged. "So? I could take her any day..."
*CRASH*
Everybody jumped at the noise. Mousse stood by a hole in the wall. "HIBIKI, PREPARE TO ... uh ... why are there three of you?"
"Hey! We just fixed that!" Ryoga moaned.
Mousse glared at him. "I said, why are there three of you?"
R-D cut in before Ryoga could reply. "He's really triplets."
"Quadruplets. You forgot R-C" Ranma reminded him.
Mousse shook his head. "Never mind." He fell into a fighting stance. "RYOGA, PREPARE TO DIE ...*THUNK* ...ugh."
Ryoga checked his umbrella to make sure it wasn't dented. "Mousse, do you feel OK?"
"You just smacked him in the head with an umbrella. Of course he's not OK," Ranma interjected.
Mousse clambered slowly to his feet. "The time for talk is over. But I will say this once." He pointed an accusatory finger at Ryoga. "I will NEVER accept your engagement to Shampoo!!!!"
R-C, R-A, Akane, Nabiki and Ukyo all spat their drinks across the table. "WHAT?!!" they all screamed.
R-C picked her jaw off the floor. "I never heard this part of the story!!"
Ryoga shook his head. "Neither did I!!"
"DIE!!"
The girls ran for cover. Well, most of them ran, leaving R-C sat in the middle of the floor, not knowing what direction to turn. (Which was nothing out of the ordinary.)
"WAITWAITWAIT!!!" Ryoga tried to avoid a mass volley of weaponry. "What are you talking about?!!!"
"Shampoo is mine!!!"
A blade went flying past his head. "You can keep her!!"
Mousse flared up. "You allowed yourself to be engaged to her and you don't WANT her?!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"
Ryoga kicked him and Mousse suddenly found himself blind as his glasses bounced to the floor. Squinting around, he saw a blurry figure, that looked slightly Ryoga-ish. ""you shall not escape!!!"
R-D reached over and pulled R-C to safety as a potentially lethal blade buried itself in the spot she'd been sitting. Ryoga whacked Mousse over the head with his umbrella.
"YOU"
*WHAM*
"STUPID"
*WHAM*
"BLIND"
*WHAM*
"IDIOT!"
*WHAM*
"YOU"
*WHAM*
"ALMOST"
*WHAM*
"KILLED"
*WHAM*
"MY"
*WHAM*
"SISTER!!!"
*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*
"Errr ... Ryoga, don't take this the wrong way, but you may wanna work on your communication skills before you start any kind of work," Ukyo said nervously.
R-D sniggered. "What for? I think Mousse got the message _quite_ clearly."
R-C whipped her head from side to side. "What happened? What's going on?"
Shampoo appeared at the caved in wall. "What happen to stupid Mousse?"
"I'm not going to marry you," Ryoga said quickly.
Cologne appeared at her great-granddaughter's side. "Did you do this to Mousse, son-in- law?"
Ranma shook his head. "No I didn't, Ryoga did."
Cologne smirked. "That's who I was talking to."
Ryoga shook his head. "Oh no! No way! I am NOT going to marry Shampoo!" He backed away. "Never! I'm not!" He looked over at Akane, who'd entered the room when she'd realised the immediate danger of decapitation was over. (Somewhere around the 'ill' in 'killed my sister'.) "I'm not going to marry Shampoo!"
Shampoo grinned. "Oh well, that look like that over ..." She turned to leave.
"Shampoo!" Cologne barked.
Shampoo groaned. "He no _want_ marry me ..."
"But Mousse does." Cologne pointed out. Shampoo immediately dropped the bonbori she was holding, dashed across the room and hugged the _very_ shell- shocked Ryoga hard. "Wo ai ne, Airen!!"
Ryoga turned a very dark shade of pink, then fainted.
~~~~~
He wriggled his nose as something tickled it lightly, not quite awake yet. After a moment, the tickling started again, rather as if someone was holding a feather under his nose. (That is one of the most ultra irritating things in the universe, next to Alvin and the Chipmunks and little siblings.) He reached and brushed his face, a slight frown appearing on his face.
Shampoo sighed, and peeked across the room at her great-grandmother. She'd given her a long lecture, telling her to make the best of a bad situation. Ryoga didn't need to know he was second-best, as far as they were concerned, so Shampoo needed to pretend she really did like him or he'd never agree to go to China with them, Cologne had explained. Shampoo didn't quite see why she had to play the loving fiancée while he was unconscious. Cologne was still staring at her intently, so Shampoo immediately resumed playing with Ryoga's hair, pretending she actually cared and feeling slightly guilty because she didn't. Now if it was _Ranma_ who was laying with his head on her lap ... a goofy grin appeared on her face and once again, long tendrils of purple hair brushed against Ryoga's nose.
Ryoga relented and opened his eyes. "Where am I?"
"Nihao, Airen!" Shampoo said with forced cheeriness. "How you feel?"
Cologne picked up Mousse, slung him over her shoulder and jumped out of the window. "Now, Shampoo, explain things carefully to your husband. See you later!"
Shampoo waited until she'd gone, then shoved Ryoga away from her. "Get up, Airen!"
Ryoga sat up. "We're not getting married and that's fin..." Looking around the room, he finally realised everyone was staring at them in a not staring at them kind of way. (Except for R-C, who was still blindfolded.) "...al," he finished weakly.
R-A looked around. "Uh ... I think I left my iron on." He jumped to his feet. Ranma stood up too. "Yeah, I think I left your iron on too." The room emptied quickly.
Shampoo looked sulky. "It either you ..."
"Wait a second," Ryoga interrupted. He walked swiftly over to the door and flung it open.
Ukyo, Ranma and R-D fell on a heap onto the floor, along with three glasses. "We were just, you know, collecting the dirty glasses for Kasumi," Ranma said quickly.
Ryoga glared at him. "I'm not quite _that_ gullible, Saotome. Now get lost!" He slammed the door and walked back over to Shampoo. "What were you saying?"
Shampoo started again. "Great-grandmother say Shampoo marry either you, or Mousse..."
"So you chose me?" Ryoga felt slightly flattered.
"Yes. Shampoo never want marry Mousse!" Shampoo decided she may as well try and act convincing, so she grabbed hold of Ryoga's hands. "Shampoo choose you!"
Ryoga blushed and pulled his hands away. "You don't really want to marry me, do you."
*NO!* she thought. "Yes!" she exclaimed, grabbing his hands back. "Shampoo like you for very long time," she insisted. *No Shampoo don't* her mind whispered. She shook her head a little and smiled brightly at Ryoga. "But Shampoo engaged to silly Ranma." *Shampoo still want to be engaged to silly Ranma.*
Ryoga pulled his hands away again. "You tried to kill me this morning," he pointed out. "You've tried to turn me into lunch, you've bounced off my head, run into me numerous times with your bike, you and Ranma set up a trap for me in the men's baths ..."
"Shampoo not know it you when she make you dinner and bounce on head, bike is accident and why you think Shampoo ambush you in men's bath?" she responded quickly.
"What about this morning?" Ryoga didn't believe a word of it.
Shampoo began to lose her patience. "Shampoo just annoyed last of love potion get stolen. Shampoo upset man she loves have to steal from her..."
Ryoga groaned. "Come on Shampoo, you don't want to marry me and I don't want to marry you. Stop pretending you do. Just marry Mousse. At least then, one of you will get what they want!"
Shampoo was annoyed now. *What Shampoo have to do to make him believe me?!!* True, she didn't want to marry Ryoga, but she wanted to marry Mousse even less. She couldn't understand it. She'd seen him fall for Ranma's dumb disguises many times and all Ranma had to do was glomp the guy. She'd already done that, and seemed to be no closer to winning him over. *Maybe it because he cursed as girl now ...*
Ryoga stood up. "See ya."
"WAIT!" Shampoo glomped him from behind, but still got nothing more than a blush from him. "Where you go?!!"
"I'm going to have something to eat. I haven't had breakfast yet ... or lunch," he replied, opening the door. Ukyo, Ranma and R-D crashed in a heap on the floor again. "What are you lot doing?!! Have you no respect for privacy?!!!"
Shampoo decided it was time for drastic measures. She grabbed Ryoga, spun him round to face her, flung her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. The three witnesses (who'd just picked themselves up) fell over in shock. Ryoga fainted for a second time. Shampoo felt strangely proud. After all, if she could kiss Ryoga without killing either him or her, then she felt the same could be said about marrying him.
End Part X
Final song - Communication Breakdown