PART X
Deja-vu -
Reflections don't always speak the truth.
===============================
BRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG
WHAM
Nothing quite like the snooze button Ryoga decided, giving the remains of his alarm clock a quick glance before attempting to catch sleep again. Before he could succeed, Ukyo poked her head through the door and threw a pillow at him. "Wake up!"
"I was asleep," he grumbled, batting the pillow away and closing his eyes.
"That was then and this is now and you've got work to do!" Ukyo open the curtains, flooding the room with sunlight. Giving up, Ryoga stretched, then regretted it as every muscle in his body screamed their protest by putting him in pain. OW! I am never going anywhere near Doctor Tofu again! He winced a little and sat up slowly, trying to hide the pain from Ukyo. She pretended not to notice. "Put some clothes on while I make breakfast, OK, sugar?"
Entering her kitchen, Ukyo was hit by inspiration. Instead of making the usual okonomiyaki, she could make him something special to show how relieved she was that he was all right. That sounds good! Let's see now... She reached for a cook book.
A few minuets later, Ryoga appeared. "What are you cooking?" he asked curiously. "It doesn't smell like okonomiyaki."
"Miso soup, nori, natto and tsukemono," Ukyo explained, pointing to each as she named them.
Ryoga looked surprised. "You're not cooking okonomiyaki?"
"Nope."
"Okonomiyaki Ukyo is cooking something other than okonomiyaki?" Ryoga didn't notice the battle aura flare up as he wandered around the kitchen. "That's incredible."
Ukyo reached for her battle spatula. "What's so incredible about it?!" she growled.
Ryoga still didn't notice the darkening mood. "I didn't think you could cook anything other than okonomiyaki." He looked thoughtful. "I hope it's edible."
That was it. Ukyo swung. "JERK!!!!!!"
He finally located the source of the blue glow. "Uh oh."
CLANG
Women Ryoga decided, are the bane of my existence. Finally, it all made sense. Women were the reason things went wrong in his life. Sailing through the air, he decided to work out the reasons to pass the time until he landed. Firstly, there was the fact that he'd be born. Partly his mothers fault. He chuckled a little. So it was a very sexist reason, but it was a reason. Well, this is a fun game. What else?
Then, there was the bread feud. If he'd gone to a mixed school, the lunch time riots would not be present, because all the boys would be trying to impress the girls. Ranma wouldn't have constantly stolen his bread and the fight would never had been made. A distinct lack of women was the problem there.
What was next? Umm.... he was incredibly shy around them. That was defiantly a disadvantage as far as he was concerned. As soon as girls started to be cute to him, he passed out. And if they showed off any skin, he needed a blood transfusion!
Four, Ranma. Or to be more precise, Ranma's girl half. How many times had Ranma played games with his heart by transforming into a girl and donning a disguise? Too many to count.
Let's see ... other problems because of girls? Akane. That was obvious. He couldn't hurt Ranma because that would hurt her. Major disadvantage on his part. No matter how much he wanted - no, needed revenge against Ranma, a little part of his mind (armed with a large mallet and toxic food) would hold him back. Even now he still found himself holding back for her.
Ranma's ex-fiancees. Shampoo wasn't so bad - she was actually quite nice. But there was the Mousse problem. It was infinitely irritating to walk down the street, only to be met by the sound of "Hibiki! Prepare to di..." Hang on a sec. Ryoga frowned to himself. That actually seemed a little familiar to him... Oh well. He shrugged the thought away. It's not important. Now, where was I?
Hmm.... And Ucchan. No matter what he said or what he did, he still ended up being smashed over the head or punted though the roof. Like now... he thought, narrowly missing a bird that had flitted into his flight path. Ucchan seemed to alternate half the time between being glad to be rid of him (by smacking him through the roof...) and not letting him step outside. He had no idea where he was with her. Did she want him to stay there or not? If she did, why did she always hit him? And if she didn't, why did she ...umm .... hit him? So what if they were engaged? If that was what being engaged was about, he wanted out before he ended up like Ranma.
Didn't Ranma often spend his mornings flying through the air too? Oh well.
Yep, women of the world were plotting against him, trying to sap his moral and spirit. OBVIOUSLY that was why he was now cursed to turn into a girl. Idly he wondered which goddess he'd ticked off in a past life. So he could grovel and get his life back to a vague sort of normal.
A flash of green hair caught his eye, and he turned to see a girl flying next to him. After a second look he quickly pinched his nose and turned away, blushing a little.
"Hi. My name's Lum." Lum smiled at him. "Have you seen a brown haired boy chasing a girl in red armour and chains?" she asked hopefully.
Ryoga shook his head. "Sorry, but no."
Lum sighed. "What are you doing up here, anyway?" Flying people were a rarity, and she wanted to be prepared if more people were going to try and drag Darling away from her.
"My fiancee swatted me through the roof." The trajectory was changing. Maybe if he was lucky, he land on someone's roof. Then it'd be simple to find a mirror and teleport home. He was still suffering from a mixture of Vega and Tofu inflicted pain and he felt he deserved a day of rest and relaxation. Well, he could dream, couldn't he?
"Why?" Lum was curious now. She'd seen Ranma a few times, but another guy with a violent fiancee?
Ryoga shrugged. "How the hell should I know? She got mad at me when I said she couldn't cook anything other than okonomiyaki."
"You're mean!!!" Lum decided Japanese men were a total waste of space. "You're just as bad as Darling!!" She grabbed him by the arm.
"Hey, wha...?"
ZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZ AKZAKZAK
"OWOWOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lum disappeared in search of Ataru and Benten, glaring at the charbroiled bandannaed boy. "Serves you right, being mean to your fiancee!!!"
Girls hate me. Ryoga looked down. Water loomed up.
SPLASH
Ryoga-chan crawled out of the river and wrung out her bandanna. Her trousers had sunk immediately and were lost in the depths of the water. Luckily, her shirt fell to her knees. She hoped she wouldn't get splashed with any hot water until after she'd managed to acquire some trousers That Would Fit. This is so unfair! How come Ranma never loses his clothes?! Ryoga-chan sighed. The day could not get much worse. Girls really hate me.
"What a fashion disaster!!"
"You'll never get a date dressed like that!"
Ryoga-chan looked up at the girls in front of her. "Uh... what...?"
The girls exchanged glances. "Don't worry. We're the Kolkhoz high fashion club," one of them said, stepping forward. "We're going to have to fix up your outfit, honey."
Ryoga-chan began to back away. "N-nu-no thanks, I'll just... is that the time?"
"GRAB HER, GIRLS!!!!"
"Saotome secret technique!!" Ryoga-chan yelled. She ran. The ludicrously huge mass of girls set chase after her. And I hate girls.
"Ukyo! I love you!"
Ukyo fumed and released some of her pent up anger on the vending machine that was trying to hit on her. She bashed it with her spatula several times, before kicking it through the front door. "Tsubasa, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RESTAURANT!!!!!"
Outside, the vending machine sprouted arms, legs and a head and wobbled down the street. Ouch. She's getting a lot more violent. A nasty thought struck Tsubasa. M- maybe Ukyo really doesn't want to date with me!!! After considering that for a few seconds, he tossed the idea aside and went in search of his 'turn left' disguise.
Ryoga-chan hummed a little as she went in pursuit of a mirror. She been ambushed and overwhelmed by the girls - it was incredible how many girls were devoted to fashion - and subjected to horrors far worse than she could ever tell.
She'd been given a makeover.
Mascara, lipstick, foundation, blusher, eyeshadow and worst of all, eyeliner. She'd had her eyelashes curled, her fingernails painted and her eyebrows plucked. Somehow, they'd even managed to cover up the slash marks on her face. She'd always thought girls had makeovers to relax and make themselves pretty.
Now she knew the truth - it was to toughen themselves up in case they were ever made prisoners of war. How could it hurt so much to have somebody just comb her hair?
Ryoga-chan sighed, but continued to hum. After all, she'd made it out alive. With clothes that fit. They'd even let her keep her bandanna. So maybe she could've done without the bra... and the panties... and the stockings and suspenders... so maybe the little skirt was very short. And the little denim sleeveless tie-top shirt was too ... girly. But it all fitted, a sensation she'd never found in this form so far. Clothes that really fitted.
But the moment she found a mirror she was getting changed.
Maybe in future, it'd make sense to carry round a spare outfit, one of the one's R-C had left behind. Ryoga-chan smiled a sad little smile as she thought about her 'brothers' and 'sister'. Then she remembered Skuld mentioning a sister. I'll have to ask her about it. A little sister... I wonder what she's like? Maybe it would be nice to have a little sister to care for.... Ryoga-chan shook her head quickly. No. It was too soon. She still missed Aiko.
Glancing to one side, she noticed a furniture store. Mirrored cabinets... home, here I come!!
Elsewhere in Tokyo, things were just as hectic in that little corner of insanity known to the locals as the Tendo Dojo.
"RANMA, YOU GET BACK HERE AND EAT THE BREAKFAST I MADE!!!!"
"Growf."
"A-Akane? I was just, ya know, going into town..."
"SWEETO!!!!"
"GETAWAYFROMMEYOUFREAKOFNATURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
KAPOW
"Eat breakfast before you go!"
"I wanna get there alive!!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! MY BABY GIRL AND HER FIANCE ARE FIGHTING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!"
"Akane! Pigtailed girl! My two fair beloved's! I would date..."
WHACKPOW
"Oh my."
The bathroom was empty, much to Ryoga-chan's relief. She looked at her reflection. The make-up had to go.
After vigorous scrubbing, her face was finally make-up free. Now for the clothes. The skirt and shirt were no problem. However, being confronted with the task of having to remove female undergarments for the first time, Ryoga-chan was at a loss. She glared at her reflection, trying to figure out how the hell to undo the bra. "I know there's a hook somewhere..." she growled, turning around and looking over her shoulder. "How the hell am I supposed to reach it though?"
She jumped around as the door slid open. "Hi, I thought you'd come back...." Ukyo began. She stopped talking and rubbed her eyes, then looked again. Still not able to believe it, Ukyo's mind went through a checklist.
Ryoga.
Check.
In girl form.
Check.
Wearing stockings, suspenders, bra and panties.
Check.
And posing in front of the mirror.
Check.
Her face turned a very interesting colour and she advanced on her fiance. "YOU...."
Ryoga-chan began to back away quickly. "Ucchan, please, hear me out..."
"PERVERT!!!!" She swung with the spatula.
Ryoga-chan dodged somehow, and continued babbling. "It's not what it looks like, really!" Stop making excuses and run!
"KEEP STILL AND LET ME KILL YOU!!!!" The spatula swung in deadly arcs, but failed to make a connection. Ukyo cursed. His smaller and faster female side was just TOO good at dodging. OK, time to change tactics, Ukyo decided. She lowered the spatula. "I'm sorry."
Ryoga-chan stopped and blinked. "Huh?"
WHOCKPOWCLANNNNNNNNNG
Ukyo glared at the hole in the roof. Urg! What a pervert!! I can't believe I was worried about him!!!
And Ryoga-chan found herself hurtling through the sky again.
Ranma-chan dragged herself out of the pond and glared at her panda parent. "You. Are. Dead!!!"
Akane watched from the porch as Ranma-chan and Genma exchanged blow after blow, Ranma-chan even holding off Happosai at various intervals as the lecherous old man made constant grabs for her chest. The second this is over, he's eating the breakfast I cooked for him, whether I have to force feed him or not!
The end came sooner than she expected when a small girl fell out of the sky, her head connecting with Ranma-chan's. They both fell into the pond with a loud SPLASH.
Ryoga-chan (Yup! It was her!) groaned and rubbed her head. "Ouchie... what did I land on?" She looked around, the pain in her head making the aches and pains in the rest of her body seem like nothing. She frowned. Actually, apart from her headache, everywhere else stopped hurting. That was ...strange...
"Ryoga?"
She looked around, startled. "A-Akane!" Just my luck! she thought bitterly. She's going to think I'm the biggest pervert in the history of the universe! "I-I..."
Another person sat up next to her, spitting out water. "Ow ow ow ow ouch! I hurt all over..."
"Ryoga, are you all right?" Akane knelt down by the pond.
"I'm fine..."
The next thing Akane did was to be scarred into her memory for all eternity. She whipped out her large mallet and whacked Ryoga-chan over the head with it. Hard. Ryoga-chan found herself with her nose embedded in the concrete. "Ow!" She looked at Akane, puzzled and hurt. "What did you do that for?!!"
"Butt out Ranma. I wasn't talking to you!"
A nasty feeling of dread flooded through her veins and she turned around to look at Ranma-chan. A Ranma-chan wearing a bandanna, a look of horror and not much else. She looked down at herself.
Red Chinese shirt
Black pants
And hanging over her shoulder was a red pigtail.
There was a few seconds of silence as the two gender-malfunctioned martial artists gazed at each other, doing very convincing goldfish acts. (Y'know? Opening and shutting their mouths with a gormless look on their faces?) Ryoga-chan was torn between pulling a Soun Tendo major A weepy or a Kodachi/ Jinnai patent loonylaugh. Before she could decide, a small figure glomped onto Ranma-chan's bra-clad chest. "SWEETO!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! GETOFFMEEEEE!!!!!!!" She threw him through the air and grabbed hold of Ryoga-chan by the hand. "We need to talk," she whispered through gritted teeth, dragging her into the Dojo, to the bathroom.
Nabiki chuckled and patted her camera. "Well Ryoga my friend, these pictures will certainly help pay off a little more of your debt to Daddy." Now all she had to do was try and find out exactly why Ryoga was wearing nothing but lingerie.
"Why am I wearing this?!!!" Ranma-chan snarled, looking at her reflection. Except it wasn't her face looking out at her, it was Ryoga-chan's. She ripped off the scanty underwear and jumped into the hot water.
Ryoga-chan sat down in the water next to him. "Kolkhoz high fashion club."
Ranma grimaced. "Say no more." Amazing what a strong grip a woman in pursuit of high fashion was capable of. Then he frowned. "Scratch that. Why do I look like you? And why do you look like me?" He winced a little as pain flooded through his body. "You couldn't wait until you were feeling better before taking over my body? It hurts all over!"
Ryoga glared at him. It was very strange, to turn to someone and see them wearing your face. However, the experience with R-C, R-D and R-A had make it a little easier for him than for Ranma. "You act like I've done this on purpose!" He looked thoughtful. "Maybe it was where I landed on your head." He smirked. "Maybe you should go and get Ukyo to whack you through the air back here."
"ME?!! Get real, I'm in enough pain as it is." Ranma winced again. "I feel like I've been put through a mangle."
"Well that's because of your friendly little joke involving Doc Tofu and Kasumi yesterday," Ryoga growled. "How does it feel to know how much pain that lovesick idiot inflicted on me because of you?"
Ranma looked guilty. "I-I'm sorry... ouch..." He rubbed his back. Or Ryoga's back. Well, it was Ryoga's back but now it was his. Man, this was confusing. He stood up and wrapped a towel around himself. "I can't take this. Keep still, I'm going to knock our heads together. If that doesn't work, maybe Doctor Tofu can help." He rolled his shoulders painfully. I am never going to wish Kasumi love pain on anyone ever again!
Ryoga nodded and waited. A little nagging thought started poking for attention. Uh... Ryoga, I don't wanna disturb you or anything, but don't you love Akane?
Umm.... yes? Why?
Ranma got ready to charge.
Who's Akane engaged to?
"Ranma.
Ranma ran forward, head lowered to meet Ryoga's.
Uh... who's body are you currently wearing?
Ra... oh. OH! Ryoga moved to the side and Ranma found himself headbutting ceramic tiles.
"OW!" He glared at Ryoga, who was sporting a big grin. "Whatcha do that for, you lughead?!!"
"I'm engaged to Akane." The grin grew wider. "I'M engaged to AKANE!!!"
Ranma's eyes widened. "Uh... Ryoga?"
Ryoga jumped out of the bath and pulled on Ranma's clothes. "Have fun Ranma! Don't make Ucchan too mad at you!"
Ranma watched him, incredulous as he stalked out of the room. Then he grinned. He'd soon find out that Akane was no bed of roses. And this body, damaged as it was, would let him get free meals from his two ex-fiancees. "Ucchan, Shampoo, edible food... here I come!!!"
End Part X
Final song - Just The Way You Are
====================
PART XI
More than just a pretty face.
====================
"Hey, Akane?" Ryoga turned a corner in search of her.
KAPOW
"Ouch." Embedded in the ground, he reached up and felt the outline of a mallet. Found her. Oh well, at least it didn't hurt as much as being clanged over the head with a giant metal spatula.
WHAM
"JERK!!!"
Well maybe it did. Ranma's body wasn't as tough as his own was. He sat up slowly and rubbed the back of his head. "Please don't do that," he pleaded.
Akane's eyes widened in surprise. Her calling Ranma a jerk was usually followed by him calling her an uncute tomboy, then her grinding him into the floor or sending across town via airmail. She looked at him closely ... he looked OK physically... Well, breakfast was getting colder by the minute. She grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to the kitchen. "Come on you. I made you breakfast."
This was followed by complete silence. Not good. Not good at all. Ranma made a point of ALWAYS criticizing her cooking. Him not criticizing her cooking was like Nabiki not charging for information or Kasumi getting angry. "Ranma, do you feel well?" she asked, turning to look at him.
Ryoga looked down to where she was holding his hand. He wouldn't have cared if she force fed him everything she'd ever 'cooked' as long as she kept holding his hand.
"Ranma?" Akane was worried now. Ryoga still didn't respond. She waved a hand in front of his eyes. "Ranma?" Well, Akane knew one way to wake him up. She picked up a plate and lifted a spoonful of the blue-green yellow-flecked substance she was fooled into believing was food and popped it into his mouth.
Ryoga changed his mind as he was forced to swallow whatever the stuff was. Definitely not one of her better attempts, he noted, eyes watering. He felt even worse than he had in his own body!! "W-wa-water..." he gasped, groping frantically for the table. The next thing he knew, it had slammed him in the back of the head.
Ranma hummed to himself as he wandered in search of Ucchan's okonomiyaki. Luckily, he still had his own sense of direction, even though he was wearing the lost boy's body. He made a note of his plans for the day. 1, get food from Ucchan. 2, get food from Shampoo. 3, muck up that idiot Ryoga's life by flirting outrageously with every girl he could find and 4, get his own body back and leave Ryoga to face an angry Ucchan and Shampoo. That sounded good to him. Who knows what Ryoga was doing with his own body?
A little part of his mind paged him for attention, then whispered how nice it would be if Ryoga could just decrease the level of hostility Akane usually used against him. After all, that would definitely be what Ryoga was trying to do if he was going to be engaged to the girl of his dreams. Then when he got his own body back... then maybe... just maybe they could make things work out. He hated to admit it, but if he was going to be stuck with just one violent fiancee, Akane was probably the one he would've chosen
However, if Ryoga made Akane more friendly towards him, then shouldn't he be helping Ryoga? Besides, what if they couldn't get their own bodies back? He'd be stuck in this body forever! Time for plan 2. Numbers 3 and 4 are revised to 3, decrease the level of hostility Ucchan has started using against Ryoga and 4, get his own body back. Then him and Akane would be happy because they weren't fighting, and Ryoga and Ukyo would be happy because they weren't fighting. Ranma had often wondered lately why his two best friends didn't stop fighting each other and admit there was an attraction there. Ah well. Ranma could always charm Ukyo. Then Ryoga would have a happy fiancee when he got back, and hopefully, so would he. Everything would be settled.
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
Ranma dodged the eggs flying his way and landed on a brick wall. Of course, there would always be good old Mousse to fight every now and then. He smirked arrogantly. He was still Ranma Saotome. And Ranma Saotome never loses.
"Ow... ow...ow..." Ryoga marked each step down the hall with a small 'ow' of pain. Akane had smashed him over the head with a table. And he hadn't done anything to deserve it! Sure, he knew she could be short tempered sometimes, and a leeeeeetal over- reactive.... maybe Ranma didn't always start the fights. If I wanted to be smashed over the head, I'd go back to Ucchan's! he grumbled inwardly. Akane was usually so nice to him! Well, I guess I'd better go do something Ranma never does. And one thing he knew she wished Ranma would do - was apologize. "Ow... ow...ow..."
Finally he was standing outside Akane's room, looking at the duck name-plate. He raised a hand cautiously. Well... here goes nothing..." He knocked.
After what felt like an eternity of waiting, the door finally opened. "Ranma. What do you want?" Akane growled, poised to slam the door in his face.
Ryoga gulped. Akane and her mallet were a scary couple. "I-I just wanted to say... I'mshry..." he mumbled, looking at the floor.
Akane looked puzzled. "What did you say, Ranma?"
Ranma. That was his name for now, he'd have to remember that. "I-I said... I'm sorry. F- for not eating the breakfast you made for me." He kept his gaze locked on the floor. If she booted him through the roof, he'd try and switch back with Ranma, then never comment on her cooking. Ever.
Akane was stunned. "W-w-what?" She blinked a little. "Y-you mean that?!" Ranma and humility were a rare mixture. Then again, she didn't know it wasn't Ranma in front of her.
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah." He was hit by inspiration. "Hey, Akane, why don't we make some cookies together?" Pleasedon'thitme,pleasepleaseplease!!!! He decided he was developing a phobia to being hit. If she pulled that mallet out, he was going to run. At least Akane was predictable. She'd usually shout RANMA, YOU JERK!!!!, which was an obvious give away that the mallet was about to make an appearance. With Ukyo it was just, 'Hi' CLANG with no warning.
Akane blinked for a second, doing the goldfish impression, before smiling at Ryoga happily. "You're offering to cook with me?"
"Y-yeah."
Big grin. "OK then."
Ryoga was happy for a record breaking 2 seconds (Now, is that sarcasm or serious? Take your pick!) before Akane brought him back down to earth with one word.
"Ranma."
That was almost too easy, Ranma though with a smirk, walking towards Ucchan's. With his skill and the phenomenal strength Ryoga's body possessed, maybe things wouldn't be so bad. If only he didn't hurt so much. If I'm going to be stuck in Ryoga's body for any more time, I'm going to have to go back to Doc Tofu's and get something! He was never ever going to push anyone into a room occupied by Doctor Tofu and Kasumi ever again. Plus, this claw guy had really torn up his side. He should've known it would take some real work to bring Ryoga to his knees.
He slid open the door to Ucchan's and licked his lips in anticipation of an edible breakfast.
CLANG
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, PERVERT?!!!!!"
"Ouch..." Jeez! Ucchan could really swing hard with that thing!!! He slowly climbed to his feet, trying to get his bearings.
CLANG
"Don't ignore me!!!"
Ranma climbed back to his feet painfully. "Ow... Ucchan, please could you not hit me with that thing for a while? I'm in kinda a lot of pain."
Ukyo looked concerned. "Really?"
"Mm hmm."
She darted forward and poked him. "Like here?"
"OW!"
"And here?"
"STOP IT!!!!"
"And here? Here?"
Then she made the mistake of poking him where the bonbori had struck. Ranma's eyes widened in pain and he collapsed on the floor. "AHHHH!!!! OWWWWW!!!!! THAT HURTS!!!!!!"
Ukyo's fake concern melted into real concern. "Uh.......... Ryoga? Are you all right?"
"No." Ranma hadn't felt this much pain since he'd attempted to eat one of Akane's more creative creations. You'd have figured he'd be wary of it when it started to wriggle off his fork, but he'd eaten it anyway. "I feel like someone's ripping me in half," he muttered, trying to pull himself back to his feet. He guiltily remembered poking Ryoga there yesterday, and had laughed at him when he cried out. Who would think with a rake-head could do so much damage? he wondered. Looking down he could see blood beginning to stain the shirt he was wearing where the stitches had broken again.
Ukyo narrowed her eyes. "OK. I'm going to close the restaurant for the rest of the day and call Doctor Tofu. Kasumi isn't likely to turn up here." She pointed a finger at him. "You, go upstairs and rest." She stood poised, battle spatula at the ready to whack his lights out if he even thought about arguing with her, as he was ...
"OK Ucchan."
... certain to do. "What?" Ukyo blinked a few times. "What did you say?!!"
Ranma smiled at her. "Hey, I'm agreeing with you here!!" He leaned on the counter for support.
Ukyo looked flustered. Ryoga always argued with her, insisting that he didn't need any help and generally being stubborn. If he was agreeing this easily.... she began to feel a bit guilty about kicking him through the roof.
And the smile. Ryoga almost never smiled, not at her. He'd smiled at Aiko a lot, but since she'd died, cheerful, natural smiles were rare, few and far between. And wow, did they make him look cute!
After a few moments of the goldfish impression (My my. Everyone's an expert.) she finally became aware of a hand waving in front of her face. "What?! What?!" she blustered, trying to hide the blush creeping onto her face.
"You were just staring into space. Are you all right?" Ranma looked curiously at her.
Ukyo laughed a little. "I'm fine. Now go! Go rest!"
Ryoga slowly backed away from the bowl, with a knife in his hand. "On the count of three, mash it. 1, 2, 3!"
Akane whipped out her mallet, ran forward and whacked a number of flaming tentacles, before retreating. Ryoga moved in and began hacking at the monstrosity. Once again, the creature retreated to the depths of the soggy mixture sitting in the bowl, with bubbling blooping sucking noises. Ryoga cautiously poked it with the knife. "Think we got it?"
"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYMAAAAASTEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" With a roar, tentacles exploded out of the bowl and wrapped themselves around him. Ryoga freaked. "AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! GETITOFF!!!!! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, trying to fight his way free.
Akane looked at it carefully. "I think it needs a little more salt." Calmly, she picked up the salt shaker and emptied the contents into the bowl. The creature instantly vanished and Ryoga fell to the ground. He immediately armed himself with an even vaster quantity of cutlery, just in case...
Akane picked up a large wooden spoon and began mixing cheerfully. "I knew that would do the trick!" she exclaimed gleefully.
Ryoga thought for a second, trying to search for words that wouldn't have him flying through the ceiling. How did she do it? He could see half of the stuff she added before his view was obscured by flour, but how could her cooking move? Attack him? And her be totally unfazed?!!! He was on mallet guard. "Uh... Akane, can give you a little tip?"
Akane narrowed her eyes. "OK then Ranma. Shoot."
"Now please don't take this the wrong way or anything, I mean it nicely, so please don't hit me again..."
"Ranma, you're babbling." Akane crossed her arms. "Tip."
Ryoga took a deep breath. "When the food starts to move on it's own, the best thing to do is to start again. Really."
Akane considered this for a moment, along with whether she should mallet him for daring to give her a tip. After a while, she decided to let him live. He hadn't insulted her (unusual), he'd asked before giving her advice, (very unusual) and the advice did give seemed to make sense. (as unusual as frogs appearing on the moon.) Food should be alive in presentation, not alive and trying to set up home in the kitchen. She tipped the bowl full of ....stuff into the dustbin, before starting again. "OK. 1 cup sugar...."
Ryoga's eyes widened as he saw her reach for washing powder. "STOP!"
Akane whipped out the mallet and advanced on him menacingly. "What, Ranma?"
I really don't like that mallet, Ryoga thought. He laughed nervously. "Umm, Akane, you know I'm only trying to help," he explained. He reached over and gently removed the box of washing powder from her grasp. "We have all the time we want, so before you add something, check to make sure it really is what you think it is."
Akane looked at the box and sighed. "Yes Ranma." Ranma was actually handing out good advice. There was definitely something wrong here. Oh well. Maybe it was just the effects of her unsuccessful attempt at breakfast. If only she hadn't thrown it away.... ah well. Besides, this new Ranma filled with good advice kinda spooked her.
Ryoga continued with his advice. "How about, I gather all the ingredients and put them in front of you? And you promise not to use anything else but those ingredients?"
"OK Ranma." After a moment, Akane tipped a bag of flour into the bowl and made a solemn vow to make the best cookies in the world.
Well, best edible cookies she possibly could. And Ranma could be her guinea pig.
End part XI
Final song - The Strangest Thing
=============
PART XII
Hubble Bubble
Double Trouble.
=============
"Hey Ucchan, how about some more of that soup?"
Ranma gave Ukyo that incredible grin again and she turned away, momentarily flustered. "I-I ah... yeah, sure thing, Ryoga," she mumbled, rushing out of the room.
With a little giggle, Ranma turned the radio up a little. This was nice, being fussed over. He didn't often get a chance to relax, without various people (i.e.: MARTIAL ARTISTS!!!!!!!!!!!) disturbing the peace. He could really get used to this.... Stop thinking along those lines. NOW! he told himself sternly. No matter how much fun this was, he intended to get his own body back before either Ukyo or Akane got suspicious. He could try and talk rationally to Ryoga and show him that if he stopped being so stubborn about letting Ucchan help him, she wasn't as violent with the spatula. Very hopefully, Ryoga would be able to tell him how to stop Akane getting so fond of mallet- smashing him. At the least, after a little time dealing with Akane's cooking, Happosai's water splashing tendencies, Mr Tendo's weepy fits and my Pop, he probably won't be quite as eager to fight over Akane. Not that he liked the dumb tomboy or anything, but with no (OK then, a little) interference from his ex-fiancees, it would've been nice if he still didn't have Ryoga and Kuno to deal with. Not that she knows Ryoga likes - liked her. He grinned at Ukyo again as she came in, causing her to blush again. "Thanks, Ucchan. You're a great cook!"
Ukyo blinked and sent him a suspicious look. "Do you feel well?"
"Can't I compliment my own fiancee once in while?" Ranma replied with another grin. Careful, don't want to be too out of character or she'll suspect.
Ukyo flushed and looked at floor, unsure of how to respond. However, a god (of some sort) was smiling down on her. Maybe laughing maniacally at the chaos they were stirring up, but smiling never the less.
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!!!"
Ranma side-stepped the dustbin and prepared to attack it. Unfortunately, that was the moment that the Neriman Aquatransformable Water Law sprung into action.
205: Neriman Aquatransformable Water Law.
1. The worst possible type of water must only strike those Jusenkyo cursed and at the 2. worst possible times. Preferably at a rate of about 17 times an hour. E.g. : It will always rain very suddenly, without warning on a previously very sunny day, just when persons who are better off not knowing of your cursed form are present. This is nothing to do with Luck, Fate or Destiny, (who all get annoyed when they're blamed) but was created by the almighty Takahashi goddess who created many other cosmic laws to upset logic.
Ranma ran forward.
SPLASH
Ranma-chan instantly tripped over her ludicrously large trousers and found herself nose first on the floor. Tsubasa took the moment to, as said, kick 'em while they're down. And that bandaged part looked very vulnerable.
WHACK
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH!!!!!!!!"
Outside, a mother tutted and removed the water pistol from her sons grasp. "How many times have I told you not to squirt that thing through peoples windows?!!" she scolded angrily.
Ukyo had finally had enough. "TSU...BA...SAAAAA......"
The dustbin turned to her and sprouted a head. Tsubasa grinned. "Ukyo, darling! I've defeated this hounder, let's go on a date!"
Ukyo flared and reached for her spatula. "He's my FIANCE you idiot!!!!!"
Tsubasa blinked. "Uh oh."
CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG CLANG
Ukyo ended by sending him flying through the window and into orbit. Then she ran over to Ranma-chan's side. "Ryoga, are you OK?"
"No," Ranma-chan whimpered. I want to crawl under a rock and die.
"What hurts?"
"My pride." She carefully climbed to her knees and sighed. "You didn't have to do that, really."
"I SAVE YOUR ASS AND THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME?!!!!!"
Oops. Ranma-chan backed away hurriedly. "No! Um, thanks, really! It's just..."
CLANG
Ryoga looked at the cookie dubiously. It looked relatively normal, but that was hardly any consolation. Akane fixed him with her best menacing glare. "Eat it, Ranma." The mallet appeared in her grasp. "Now."
Ryoga sighed. "I'm eating it, I'm eating it." He sniffed it. It smelled normal enough. But this was Akane who'd cooked it. True, wandering around the world and entering countries with very strange eating habits had helped him to work up the nerve to eat almost anything that wasn't currently trying to wriggle off his fork, but she'd created new life forms, for pete's sake! Even when he'd lined up all the ingredients in a row! Creatures with glowing eyes and big teeth and a big appetite to match. And there's nothing quite like giant slug-like creatures chasing around the kitchen to make you lose your appetite.
"Eat."
"In a moment." Ryoga wondered whether it would hurt more to eat the cookie or let her hit him. He eyed the cookie again. A few minutes ago this thing grabbed me by the ankle and tripped me over. With that thought in mind, he quickly decided on the latter. At least Ucchan's cooking never hurts me. Only her. He tried to think of a way to refuse the cookie without getting too hurt. It was difficult. "Uh, Akane?"
"Yes, Ranma?"
This is going to hurt! It was that or eat the cookie. "Why don't you try one first?"
KABLAM
"RANMA YOU JERK!!!!!" Akane glared after his flying form then started to cry. I made those just for you! A thump from outside yanked her out of her small bout of self pity. "Ryoga?"
Ranma-chan gave a small moan of pain and sat up. "Hi Akane.... Akane!" She jumped to her feet. "What's the matter?!!"
Akane sniffled. "It's nothing much."
Ranma-chan narrowed her eyes. "Was it R...Ranma?"
Tears welled up in Akane's eyes again. "He was being nice, but then he was mean about my cooking..." She buried her head in her hands. "Doesn't he realize I'm cooking for him? Because I care about him?" She looked up at Ranma-chan. "I just want to be a good wife. Is that too much to ask?"
"I...uh... well, I..." Absently, she toyed with her bandanna. She cares about me?!! But if Ryoga can't make her happy as me, what chance do I have? She paused. Then again, I didn't really much of a difference to Ucchan..." She paused for a while longer. What am I thinking? He made Akane cry, now he dies!!! "Ry...Ranma! Prepare to die!!"
Akane quickly grabbed the back of her shirt. "That's OK Ryoga. Why don't I take you back to Ukyo's now?"
"U-Ucchans?" Ranma-chan began sweating profusely. But she hates me! She'll beat me up again and I hurt all over already! "N-n-no, that's all right. I'll just..."
"Come on." Akane grabbed her by the wrist and dragged the protesting Ranma-chan along the pavement. "Ukyo will be missing you."
Yeah. She'll have no-one to target practice on. Ranma-chan could hardly believe that her best friend could be so violent to her other sort-of friend. I guess Ryoga doesn't exaggerate as much as I thought. Well, at least Ukyo couldn't bludgeon hi...her here.
CRASH
Ranma-chan pushed the large dustbin off herself and kicked it back into orbit with a growl. "Someone up there really hates me and is laughing right now."
Akane laughed. "Silly."
"AKANE TENDO!! BANDANNAED GIRL!! I WOULD DATE WITH THEE BOTH!!!"
"You could have a point, actually."
Ryoga crash landed outside Ucchans, leaving a small crater in the pavement. Why do I seem to be spending my entire day riding the air currents between here and the Tendo Dojo? And when did Akane become so over-reactive?!! he grumbled inwardly as he scrambled to his feet. A particular dustbin slammed into him, knocking him over again, then it climbed to it's feet, (Feet?!!) and wailed, "Fear not, my darling Ukyo-megami, I'll get rid of this Ryoga person who's been hounding you... oh, hi Ranma."
"TSUBASA, GET LOST!!!!"
CLANG
Ryoga was pleasantly surprised when the rush of air and metallic clang were not followed by a long headache and a short trip via airmail across Tokyo. Well, they were, but not for him, which was nice. He was even more pleasantly surprised to have Ukyo drag him back inside the restaurant after greeting him with a quick hug and not a quick swing of the spatula. (Sensing any underlying paranoia about the spatula yet?) Then he spotted her red eyes. "Ucchan? Are you all right?"
Ukyo sniffed. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Hey, Ranchan, wanna okonomiyaki?" she said, quickly changing the subject.
Ryoga frowned. "Tell me what's wrong. Really." Then he remembered he was supposed to be Ranma, and quickly gave her a (hopefully) convincing grin. "Over okonomiyaki."
Bunny looked at her reflection and burst into tears again. Mina sighed and rubbed her temples. "Bunny, your hair looks fine."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!! Darian's never going to look at me agaaaaaaaaain!!!!!" Fresh tears spouted from the blond girls eyes.
Luna sighed and pretended she wasn't there. Mina hugged her friend and handed her numerous pieces of tissue. "Honest, it looks fine..."
The sobs increased in pitch as Bunny buried her head in her arms. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOOK AWWWWWWFUL!!!!!"
Raye growled at her. "Bunny, please shut up before I seal your mouth up with a ward."
Mina had a sudden brainwave. "Let's go boywatching!"
"B-but my hair..."
"That way we'll get a second opinion," Mina pointed out. "Maybe even a spare boyfriend."
Bunny smiled slightly. "That Magical Guy Makoto was very cute though."
Mina nodded in agreement. "Next time I meet him, I'm going to have to thank him for saving my life."
"He saved everybody's lives," Raye reminded them in a bored voice. "Honestly, you lot are just boy mad."
"I just wanna thank him!" Mina protested.
Bunny glanced at her blue haired friend who was sitting nearby. "Hey, Amy, get any info on him?"
Amy nodded. "It's not much info, though. As little as there was of Sailor V."
Mina grinned. "Best way to not get caught."
Amy ignored her. "Him and his sister, Ryoko, appeared quite recently battling against a new outbreak of demons in the area of Nerima."
"What's so special about Nerima?" asked Lita, doodling little love hearts around pictures of the Backstreet Boys, Matt Le Blanc and Magical Guy Makoto that were pasted to her exercise book.
"It has an obnoxiously large martial artist population."
"He's just such a stubborn jackass," Ukyo grumbled to Ryoga, who was fighting to eat all of the okonomiyaki she was churning out. "I'm only trying to help the guy and he throws it all back at me. I don't know why I bother sometimes. The jerk just doesn't appreciate me."
Ryoga managed to clear his mouth long enough to blurt out "that's not true!" before another tower of okonomiyaki was placed in front of him. Yikes! How does Ranma eat all of this?!!
Ranma-chan proved how twenty seconds later when she bounced into the restaurant and wolfed down the okonomiyaki mountain before getting clouted over the head by Ukyo. "OW!"
"That's Ranchan's, you jackass!" Ukyo yelled, peeling the spatula from her skull.
"Sorry," Ranma-chan groaned. Ryoga nudged her with his foot. "Wimp."
WHAM
"STOP PICKING ON RYOGA!!!!" Akane yelled, putting her trusty mallet back into whatever dimensional pocket it came from. Probably the same place as her cooking, actually.
Ranma-chan allowed herself a small snigger as Ryoga found himself embedded in the grill until the metal spatula of doom whacked her over the back of the head. "Don't laugh at Ranchan!" Ukyo growled. "And go get some hot water or something, you pervert."
"M'not a pervert," Ranma-chan muttered under her breath, heading for the kitchen.
"What did you say?!" Ukyo snarled.
"Nothing!" Ranma-chan scuttled into the kitchen and waited for the kettle to boil. Argh! I can't take much more of this! There has to be a way to may Ucchan stop beating me up! She's more violent than Akane!!!
A piece of paper on the kitchen counter caught her eye. Curious, Ranma-chan picked it up and scanned it. Congratulations Mr Hibiki, you have won two movie passes. Valid until the end of the month. She narrowed her eyes. I'll bet he was planning to ask Akane.
poof
A small devil appeared on Ranma-chan's shoulder. "You're in Ryoga's body so ask Ucchan to go with you!"
poof
An angel appeared on Ranma-chan's other shoulder. "You shouldn't - it's not yours."
"That has to be one of he most pathetic argument's you've come up with," the little devil snarled. Then he grinned. "Besides, we're doing lost boy a favour."
The angel crossed his arms. "Explain."
"We will be breaking the ice for those two, Ucchan will stop beating him up and they'll be out of me and Akane's way." He smirked.
The angel blinked. "You've twisted it. I don't know how you did it, but you twisted it."
poof
poof
Ranma-chan grinned and picked up the kettle. Thank you, voice of inner reasoning! Pausing only to run upstairs and grab a new change of clothing, Ranma raced back into the main part of the restaurant. "Hey, Ucchan?"
"Hmm?" Ukyo spared him a glance.
"Wanna go to the cinema with me tonight?" Three totally shocked faces started at him until the one belonging to Ukyo managed to stammer out, "W-wha... you mean, like on a d-date?!"
Ranma grinned. "Yeah. I got free movie passes."
Ukyo attempted thinking. Her brain returned the request with an error message and advised her to wait a few moments longer before trying again. Ryoga's asking me on a date? What do I do?! She tried to concentrate on the part of her mind screaming 'Ranchan! What about Ranchan?! You love Ranchan! Say no!' but for some reason it kept getting drowned out by the part saying 'Ranma dumped you, remember? He's not your fiance, Ryoga is. It's not like you'd be doing anything wrong, and besides, he's not that bad. It's only one little date...' "Tonight?" she asked, stalling for time.
Ranma nodded. "I thought we could see 'Rush Hour' or something."
He grinned again, and Ukyo felt her resolve weakening. "R-Rush Hour?"
"Yeah. But we can go see something else if you want to." Suddenly, Ryoga leaned forward, knocking a glass of water over him. "Hey! I just changed back!"
"Sorry," Ryoga lied. "Let's go boil the kettle again." He dragged Ranma-chan over to the kitchen and shut the door before whirling around to face her. "What on earth are you doing?!!!" he hissed.
"Waiting for the kettle to boil," Ranma-chan said innocently.
"You know what I mean!" Ryoga glared at her. "I mean this date thing!"
"I'm just asking my fiancee out on a date. Whassa matter, P-Chan?" Ranma-chan teased. "Jealous?"
Ryoga fumed. "I am not jealous! You can keep her for all I care!" He paused and rewound her statement back through his memory to the beginning. Asking my fiancee out on a date... I'm Akane's fiance now... He turned and walked out of the room with a widening grin on his face. "Akane?"
Akane looked at him. "Yes Ranma?"
Ryoga took a deep breath. "Ra.. Ryoga was just saying how much fun it would be if we double dated with him and Ucchan tonight. How about it?" If she say's no, that mean's I have a chance when I get back into my own body. And if she says yes... Well if she said yes, he'd never let Ranma have his body back!
Akane looked at him in total amazement before a smile appeared on her face. "OK, Ranma." She glanced at Ukyo. "Is that OK with you, Ukyo?"
Ukyo still had a look of shock on her face as she slowly nodded. "Yeah..."
Ranma ran out of the kitchen to Ryoga's side, still clutching the kettle. "What?!! What's going on?!"
Ryoga gave him a wide grin and opened his mouth to gloat. "..."
"Hi there!"
Ranma screamed and dropped the kettle on the floor as Skuld popped out of it with a grin. "Sorry I took so long, Mister Bug Zapper broke down and I had to repai..." She trailed off and looked from Ranma to Ryoga then back again. Then, without warning, she grabbed them by the hair and knocked their heads together.
"OW!" Ryoga yelped.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!!!!" Ranma rubbed the back of his head, then stopped as a familiar pigtail brushed against his hand. "What?"
"Feeling... more yourself?" Skuld asked with a grin. She picked up her long handled mallet from the floor and tucked it back into it's holder. "Shouldn't happen again."
Ryoga jumped to his feet. "I need a mirror.." he mumbled, looking around before exiting the room. Ranma and Skuld ran after him to see him gloomily examining his reflection. "Thanks a bunch, Skuld. You couldn't have waited until tomorrow, could you."
"What's the matter? What's so special about tomorrow?" Skuld was puzzled.
Ranma sniggered. "He has a date tonight. So do I, actually." He fluttered his fingers at Ryoga. "Thanks for that."
"RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!!" Ryoga jumped to his feet and ran towards Ranma, who merely dodged and poked him in the side. "OW!" He clutched his side with a groan. He glowered at Ranma. "Well, I'll let you live for now, but you'd better treat Akane right!"
"Relax. You'll be there too, won't you." Ranma patted him on the back. "Things'll be fine."
Later that evening.
"SPATULA GIRL, I KILL!!!!!"
"SHAMPOO, NO!"
"AKANE TENDO! THE BLUE THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGH SHALL SMITE THIS FIEND!!!"
KABLAM
"SHAMPOO, MY LOVE! RUN TO MY ARMS!!!"
POW
"UKYO, I LOVE YOU!"
"GET LOST, TSUBASA!!!!"
Ryoga glared at Ranma. "Things'll be fine, I believe you said."
Ranma glared back. "So I suck at fortune telling."
End Part XII
Final song - Nothing Lasts Forever
================
PART XIII
The eye of the storm.
================
"EEEEK!!!! PERVERT!!!!!" Shoko grabbed the shower rail and started beating the offending person, before stopping to examine him. "Magical Guy Makoto!!" She threw the rail over her shoulder and yanked Ryoga to his feet. "I'm sorry! Can I have your autograph? My friends will never believe this!!!"
Ryoga was thankful to a god others cursed for the fact that the girl had a towel wrapped around her. "Sorry, can't now, gotta job to do." He ran out of the room, only to be bopped over the head by an invisible mini-Skuld shouting "Not that way, this way!! Honestly, I thought I fixed your sense of direction!"
Shoko sighed happily. "What a dream..."
Her happy memory was disturbed by the arrival of a bona fide hentai leaping through her window with a cry of "Sweeto!"
"EEEEK!!!! PERVERT!!!!!"
Ryoga shook his head sadly and made his way to the roof. "So it's that squelching, squid- blob we're after?"
Skuld nodded. "I don't recognize it, but it's showing up on my scanners." The creature in question batted away the Hyperdoll flying towards it and stood on Sailor Jupiter. "I'll bet that hurt."
"Amazing how many super heroes in this city are female," Ryoga commented as Moldiver bounced off the creatures flesh with a audible boing. He flapped at a small, yellow butterfly and a small, localized rainstorm appeared over his head. "That's not funny." The rain turned to hail. With a growl, Ryoga-chan pointed her wand at the cloud and it faded out of existence.
"Stop moaning at the butterfly and kill the creature."
"Nag, nag, nag." Ryoga-chan bounced from building to building, almost crippling herself in her high heels, until she was directly above the monster. "HEY, SQUID!" The jellyfish thing looked up and almost passed out with a nosebleed. Ryoga-chan glowered at it. "PERVERT!!!!! CHAOS SHAN HIGH BLAST!" Eye of God and Star Trek pretty lights and sounds merged together and turned the squid-thing into enough fried calamari to feed the whole of Italy, Sicily included.
"Not bad," mini-Skuld commented. "You're getting better at this."
Ryoga-chan grinned a little. "Than...HEY!"
"HOTCHA!" Happosai glomped onto her leg.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!" Ryoga-chan smashed him over the head with the wand a few times and a small vial of water fell from his clothes. "What's this?" She bent down and picked it up. "Nyannichuan water?"
poof
A small devil appeared on her shoulder, scaring the hell out of mini-Skuld. "Pour it over him!"
poof
A small angel appeared on her other shoulder and mini-Skuld massaged her head. "Uh.... I've got nothing to protest here, pour it over him!!"
"That's for the curse and for Aiko," Ryoga-chan snarled, emptying the vial over Happosai's head before booting her into the sky.
A panting, red-haired woman ran onto the roof, followed by a handsome young man. "Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI," the woman barked.
Mulder ran forward. "Take me to Samantha."
"Samantha?" Ryoga-chan asked weakly.
Scully pushed him aside. "Does she look like a green, mutant turtle to you?" She turned to Ryoga-chan. "How did you defeat that monster? What is your involvement in the government, cover-up?"
"Uh..."
"Have you seen four, mutant turtle aliens anywhere around town?" Mulder asked, shoving Scully aside.
"No..." Ryoga-chan flapped irritably at the butterflies flapping around her head.
"Would you shut up about that?!" Scully snapped. "There's a perfectly rational explanation for them."
A snow storm appeared above Ryoga-chan's head.
"Aliens!"
"Genetically engineered creatures!"
The snow storm turned into a full blown blizzard and Ryoga-chan pointed her wand at it.
"Stop that!" She glanced at the two arguing agents before jumping off the roof with a shrug. "Very strange people around here."
Shampoo was annoyed. What was it all the guys saw in these violent brunettes anyway? Everything they could do, she could do better. But last night, with her own eyes, she'd seen not only Ranma and Akane out on a date, but Ryoga and Ukyo too. It wasn't fair! Maybe violent spatula girl bribe Ryoga into going on date... After all, that was a technique she'd used on several occasions to get Ranma to date with her. It was also a technique she wasn't going to use any more, as it had a tendency to backfire. Yes, spatula girl bribed Ryoga. Shampoo take him some nice ramen, show she forgive him. That would be a nice thing to do, after all. With a widening smile, she prepared a delivery.
"Shampoo, my love! Where are you going?" Mousse asked.
"Go away, Mousse." Shampoo blocked him out as background noise.
"But we had no orders..."
"Shampoo said go away." She walked past him and out of the door.
Mousse stared after her. "She's going to see him again? But why?! He doesn't love her! He is unfaithful to her!" Thunder crashed in the background as Mousse raised his fist high. "Hibiki, YOU SHALL PAY!!!" He flapped at the small butterfly fluttering nearby. "Go away." A small lightning bolt shot out of the thundering clouds and struck him on the end of his nose. "Ow!"
"Keep it down, Mr Part Time, you're disturbing my meditation," Cologne grumbled. She slammed the door before he could detect the opening theme to El Hazard on the television set.
Tsubasa walked into the okonomiyaki restaurant before taking a seat. Ryoga-chan wandered over to her. "Are you here to eat?"
Tsubasa nodded. "I'll have a special."
"The gods must be smiling on me," Ryoga-chan muttered, noting down the order.
"And I'd like to talk to you."
"With maniacal grins and voodoo dolls," she finished. "Is that talk as in talk, or talk as in attempted murder?"
"As in talk!" Tsubasa snapped. He sighed and leaned on the table. "I don't think darling Ukyo likes me."
Well duh." Ryoga-chan shot him a dubious look. "What gave it away?"
Tsubasa ignored her comment and continued. "What is it though? What did she see in Ranma? What does she see in you? I mean, I..."
"Wait a second!" Ryoga-chan held up a hand. "She doesn't see anything in me."
"She went on a date with you, remember."
Ryoga-chan groaned. "I'm trying to forget. Things were going so well until you and Mousse and Kuno and Shampoo turned up. I was having fun... she didn't hit me once."
Tsubasa glared at him. "You don't have to rub it in!" He sighed. "I know she's engaged to you, and I'd give up on her. But she's so cute and kind and smart and a great cook..."
"Whatever." Ryoga-chan tapped her pen on the notebook, trying not to think about Ukyo. Sure, Ucchan may be smart and c-cy-cute... but she's just so... She finally focused on the enraged teen in front of her.
"You don't like her?!!" A battle aura flared around Tsubasa as he jumped to his feet.
"No! I-I mean yes! I mean..."
"CHARGE!!!!"
"DON'T ATTACK MY STAFF!!!" Ryoga-chan sighed in relief as a giant spatula sent Tsubasa hurtling across the restaurant. Her relief was short lived as the spatula crashed down upon her skull. "AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T LIKE ME?!!!"
"I DO like you!" Ryoga-chan rubbed her head. "Those rare moments when you aren't trying to kill me, you can even be kinda kawaii. And I'm sorry the date didn't work out." She turned to walk away, but found her movement limited slightly by Ukyo's grip on the back of her uniform.
"What did you say?"
"I said... oh." Ryoga-chan paused and blushed. "I said that aloud? Hehehe ... umm... I've had my body taken over by an evil spirit doll? I've been hypnotized? Possessed by a demon?"
"That's not funny," Ukyo snapped, remembering the events of a few nights back. She turned Ryoga-chan to face her and smiled a little. "It's OK about the date."
Ryoga-chan looked at the floor. "I really am sorry. I didn't expect all those other people to turn up too."
"I said it's OK. Rush Hour's a popular film." She increased the radiance of her smile. "Better luck next time, yeah? Now back to work." She walked away quickly, leaving Ryoga-chan standing, slightly stunned in the center of the restaurant. Oh my god! Did I really say that?!!
"Nihao Ryoga, spatula girl!" Shampoo crashed through the doorway, flattening a few customers in the process. She walked over to the still-dazed Ryoga-chan with a grin. "You not get to eat ramen in hospital, I bring you some now."
She snapped out of her dream world and looked at Shampoo. "Oh. Thanks!"
"Is OK."
Mousse burst through the doorway. "SHAMPOO MY LOVE!" he wailed, glomping Tsubasa. "I'll save you!!"
"Who do you think you're calling Shampoo?!" Tsubasa growled.
"Sorry, miss." Mousse slipped his glasses back onto his nose. "HIBIKI?!! YOU DARE TO EAT THE FOOD OF MY DARLING SHAMPOO WHEN YOU FLAUNT AROUND WITH OTHER WOMEN?!!!" Weapons flew towards Ryoga-chan, who dropped her ramen in surprise. "YOU SHALL PAY!!!"
Kuno strode in. "My bandannaed goddess! My love for you shall conquer all!" He paused as a small, yellow butterfly alighted on his bokken. "Curse thee, winged traitor! You pass through my barriers unto the outside world and make thyself a public spectacle?" A hurricane wind ruffled his hair. "Ah, but the blue thunder of Furinkan high shall put thee back in thy place."
The lightning flashed through the blue sky outside and Ryoga-chan blinked in surprise. "Those butterflies... that's how you manage it!!!"
"Ignore me, would you?!!" Mousse snarled, running forward.
Tsubasa joined him. "Your time has finally come!!!"
"My darling! Jump into my arms and let us flee together!!"
Ryoga-chan squeezed her eyes shut and a butterfly landed on her shoulder. Her mind filled with chaos and all of a sudden, she knew how it was done... "ICE STORM!!" An icy wind hit the three boys head on, causing them to immediately turn tail and flee before they became replicas of Frosty the snowman.
Ukyo blinked a few times. "How in the WORLD did you learn how to do that?!!"
"Uh..." Ryoga-chan tried to think of a reasonable excuse other than 'I learnt it from the butterflies.'
Skuld jumped to her rescue. "I taught him how. Useful, eh?"
"Very." Ukyo and Shampoo nodded in agreement.
Nerima attracts some very strange people, Ryoga-chan reflected, looking out of the window to the street outside. It was true, alien activity was more than 50% above the average, and monsters and super heroes attacked the city more times than there are parts to Friday the 13th. Once, a cat had walked in, introduced itself as Salem and announced that he wanted a special and to rule the world.
She idly wondered why she didn't get her family to wire Mr Tendo the money and start wandering again when a white rabbit carrying a baby with a cigar in its mouth charged past her view, shouting "I'm late!" closely followed by a blond haired girl in a blue dress, only to get squashed by a house falling on her head.
Another girl exited the house and sighed. "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
Oh yeah. That's why. Whenever I leave the restaurant I get struck by lightning, trucks or grand piano's falling out of the sky. Very strange. Nobody lived above Ucchan's and Ryoga-chan couldn't figure out where on earth that piano had come from. Probably just an act of god to make sure I stick around to fight these weird demons. Ryoga-chan shook her head and handed two plates to the guys in front of her. One was very tall and very serious look, and was wearing a pair of sunglasses despite the localized areas of freak weather. The other one looked more her age and Ryoga-chan was slightly pleased that he wasn't spending all his time with his eyes glued to her chest. "Your orders."
"Thanks, babe," the boy said idly. He switched his attention back to the tall man. "You need more attitude still, if you're gonna pass."
"No sweat, Jon," he said seriously. "Chill."
Jon grinned. "That's better."
The man stood up. "The T1000 is in the area. We should leave."
"Oh Shit!!"
Ryoga-chan looked at them both. "Leaving so soon?"
Jon reached into his pocket and handed her a fistful of notes. "We'll take the food with us - it looks great. That should cover it." He grinned. "This is a nice little place."
The tall man nodded solemnly. "Come on, Jon." He paused and looked at Ryoga-chan. "I'll be back." They both roared away on a motorcycle.
Ryoga-chan looked at the handful of notes and her eyes widened. "Wow... what a tip!" She shrugged and began serving again. Eventually there was a lull in activity and she sat down at the counter with a groan. "I'm beat."
Ukyo sniggered. "I thought you were a big strong man. Cantcha handle a few hours waitressing?" she teased.
Ryoga-chan glared at her. "I'm a girl right now," she mumbled. "Besides, when you first hired me, I had three other people helping me."
Ukyo pondered that remark for a second. "You're right. Maybe I should hire some more help." She patted Ryoga-chan on the shoulder. "Howzat sound?"
"Like heaven." She stood up and stretched. "Please can I turn back to normal now?" she begged.
Ukyo thought about it for a moment before relenting. "OK. I'll close up now and get started on my homework."
Ryoga-chan gave her a big grin. "Thanks! I'm gonna change back and spar with Ranma." And then Skuld's gonna tell me how I'm learning other peoples techniques. There was no way she was going near Happosai or Cologne until she figured out how to stop it, otherwise she could end up having to steal underwear to get her strength. Not a happy prospect. But she wanted to try out some new tricks on Ranma. She turned her back on Ukyo, not noticing the chef's battle aura starting to glow. "It's been ages since I had a good fight."
Oh, so he doesn't think I'm good enough to fight him?!! Ukyo fumed. She tensed up, reaching for her spatula. "Ryoga, you JERK!" she howled, slamming the spatula into the ground where she'd been just a second before.
Except now, Ryoga-chan was a few feet away, with a big smirk on her face. "Nyah, you missed me," she taunted, wiggling her tongue at Ukyo. "Catch me if you caaaan!" With that, she raced up the stairs and into the bathroom, leaping through the mirror just before the spatula smashed down on the glass.
Ukyo stood panting in the bathroom. Stupid, hentai JERK! I can't believe I actually agreed to go out with him last night!! With a small sigh, she slumped down on the floor. (And I'm sorry the date didn't work out...) The words echoed through her mind. I guess... I was having fun until it all went wrong... she admitted to herself as she climbed back to her feet. (Y-y-you look really n-nice... wanna get some popcorn?) Expertly, she shoved the memory into the darkest corners of her mind, although for some reason, an image of Ryoga giving her an undeniably cute smile lingered in her minds eyes. She quickly replaced it with a picture of Ranma. Ranchan... not that idiot Ryoga. She looked at the mirror, beginning to fume all over again as she took in the fine spiderweb of cracks running through the glass. This is all Ryoga's fault! she decided, walking away. At least being mad at him helped block out the memory of him smiling at her. A little. I must be ill, thinking of him.
Ranma sighed happily and relaxed even lower into the hot water. "This is the life..." he murmured. After a few minutes of soaking, he reluctantly stood up and began to get dried and dressed before his father ate all the dinner again. He leaned forward to study his reflection in the mirror. He frowned. When did I get green eyes?! he wondered, then let out a yelp of terror as Ryoga-chan popped out of the mirror.
"Hey Ranma."
Ranma backed away, tripping over a bucket of cold water. She angrily flicked her red hair out of her eyes and glared. "What the hell are you tryna do, scare me to death?!!" she ranted.
Ryoga-chan thought for a second. "Original and effective. Maybe I should do that more often." She grinned slightly and landed on the floor. "Let's spar. We haven't had a good fight in ages."
Ranma-chan thought longingly of dinner. "Not now, Ryoga," she decided. After all, if I don't eat now, I may be forced to eat Akane's cooking again! She went to move past Ryoga-chan.
"Wait!" Ryoga-chan moved forward to block her path. "Come on, Ranma! What's the matter with you?!" She crossed her arms irritably. "What's the matter, scared I'll beat you?" she taunted. "Biii! Surely der big, bad Ranma Saotome isn't afwaid of widdle Ryoga-chan, is he?"
Ranma-chan turned a strange shade of purple. "Hey, you little...." She began, little crosses of annoyance appearing on her head. Then an image of Akane waving deadly weapons ... a mallet, and even worse, her home cooking, appeared in his mind. "Look, Ryoga, I'll fight you." She pushed past the smaller girl then turned to face her. "But not until after dinner, you got that?"
"You're no fun," Ryoga-chan mumbled under her breath as she followed Ranma-chan to the kitchen.
Kasumi looked at them both and smiled. "Oh my. Ryoga, would you like to stay for dinner too?"
"N-no, that's OK..." Ryoga-chan stuttered, laughing nervously. "I mean, I already ate."
"But you're a growing boy," Kasumi smiled, completely oblivious to the fact that her statement happened to be untrue at the moment. "You need all your food, right?"
"Uh...hehe..." Ryoga-chan scratched the back of her head. "No, really, that's OK. I don't want to be a nuisance..."
Ranma-chan shook her head and placed the kettle on to boil. Kasumi continued to smile sweetly. "Really, I insist."
Ryoga-chan gave up. "Thanks, Kasumi. That's really nice of you."
She sat down next to Akane, who turned and smiled at her. "Hello Ryoga. You and Ukyo got home safely last night, didn't you?"
Ryoga-chan blinked. "Well, uh.. yeah.. hehehe..." She scratched the back of her head again with another nervous laugh, and tried to concentrate on Akane's face. For some reason, she kept seeing Ukyo in her mind, smiling at her... (Hey, sugar, I'll go with you.. after all, if normal people get lost in cinema's, imagine what would happen to you...) She shook her head and tried to focus on Akane. I love Akane I love Akane I love Akane I love she repeated firmly in her mind, gritting her teeth and closing her eyes. Big mistake. The moment she closed her eyes, she was bombarded by the memory of Ukyo taking hold of his hand and walking with him to get some popcorn.
A hand rested lightly on her shoulder and Ryoga-chan almost jumped out of her skin. "Aaah!" She whipped around to come face to face with Akane.
"Uh.. Ryoga? Are you all right?" she asked in concern.
Ryoga-chan nodded numbly, a slight tingle running through her small frame. That was weird... she thought to herself. Then the thought was pushed aside by a more worrying issue. I was thinking of Ukyo while I'm here with Akane?!! She forcefully pushed the memory aside. She must have hit me harder than I thought, she decided dryly.
Ranma-chan picked up the kettle and poured it over her head. "Oh, that feels so good," he muttered cheerfully, before holding out the kettle to his best enemy. "How about it, Ryoga-chan? Wanna be a guy?" He grinned as the small girl winced in internal agony.
Ryoga-chan fixed him with a venomous glare. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" she hissed.
Ranma shrugged. "I lost count after seven hundred and thirty eight," he quipped, before shaking the kettle a little. "So? D'ya want it?"
Ryoga-chan looked down at her waitress outfit. "I don't suppose there are any of my other clothes here?" she asked hopefully.
"Nope. Sorry."
Ryoga-chan looked at Kasumi, who shook her head, before giving up with a sigh. "I guess I'd better stay like this then," she mumbled. "I guess I need to get used to fighting in this body too."
Ranma grinned. "Hey, that's great!" He patted her on the shoulder, an evil grin on his face. "Your girl side is totally hot, y'know. Can't wait." There was almost nothing Ranma liked better than winding up Ryoga. He was a master at it, as he continued to prove. "It's almost a pity you're not a real girl sometimes," he carried on, noting the battle aura flaring around the girl and the utterly pissed off expression on her face. With a huge smirk, he reached over and ruffled her hair. "You're cute when you're mad, y'know," he taunted.
The next thing that struck him was completely unexpected. Actually, it was a mallet.
"RANMA, YOU JERK!!!"
WHAMMO
Ranma reached up carefully and traced the mallet handle back to a hand and grabbed it. "Jeez, Akane, I was only... gah!"
The hand he was holding wasn't that of a certain young tomboy Tendo, but rather, that of a certain shocked bandannaed lost girl who was staring at the mallet with as much amazement as he was. "How did.. how ... h-h-how..." Ryoga-chan stuttered, staring at her hands.
Nabiki grinned. "Well, Akane, looks like you've been upstaged." She casually patted her sister on the arm. "Never mind, I'm sure you'll find a new trick to beat up Ranma with."
Soun Tendo appeared then, bawling his eyes out. (Boo hoo spat splat.) "NABIIIIIIIKI!!!!!! How can you ENCOURAGE them fighting?!!!!!!" He began to claw at his hair. "My BABIEEEEEEEE!!! Why must you fight with your fiance?!!!!!"
Ranma shrugged and looked at the still stunned Ryoga-chan. "We weren't fighting, Mr Tendo, we were talking about how Ryoga-chan here stole Akane's technique."
"I DIDN'T STEAL IT...." Ryoga-chan began, before Mr Tendo grabbed her by the arms and started shaking her.
"WHY?!!!! WHY I ASK YOU?!!!! I'M BEGGING YOU, GIVE MY BABY GIRL BACK HER TECHNIQUE!!!!!!!" he bawled.
Akane sighed. "Daddy, Ryoga didn't do anything wrong, he must have just worked out how I do it," she said lightly. Inwardly she frowned. Even she wasn't sure where the mallet came from. Oh well, she was sure it didn't matter. "Isn't that right, Ryoga?"
Ryoga-chan grasped the suggestion like a drowning man clutching a straw. "Oh, yeah, that's right, I mean, I've seen you use that thing, been on the receiving end a few times too, hehe..." She turned about thirty shades of red. Oh god, they're not buyin' it... what the hell is going on here... oh man, I just don't get this!!
"See? That's all." Akane smiled at her father, who still had tears pouring down his face. "Oh daddy, must you over react?"
Ryoga-chan blinked a few times. Wow... they're actually buying it! That was good. She didn't know how she was supposed to explain that she was learning techniques from anyone who touched her?
Ranma gave her a dubious look. "I think you're not telling us something, Miss Ryoga- chan."
Immediately, a demon head loomed over Ranma, with forked tongue, glowing eyes and fangs. "WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT?!!!!!!" Ryoga-chan roared. Then she realized exactly what she was doing. "Um..."
Ranma crossed his arms. "How did you do that?" he queried, looking closely at Ryoga- chan.
Ryoga-chan put on her best cute face. "Me? I guess I picked that one up from watching Mr Tendo do it to you all the time." She smiled sweetly. "Not scared, are you? Want to fight still?"
Ranma glared at her. "Sure thing! As if a few new moves could make you any better than me!!"
"In the training hall, boys," Nabiki called out. "Or should I say girl and boy?" She whipped out her camera for a few shots of Ryoga-chan in the waitress outfit. "Don't create too much damage!!"
Ranma grinned. There was one move certain to put Ryoga-chan out of it, no matter how many mallets she pulled. All he needed to do was make her mad. "Hey, Nabs, don't suppose you could make me copies of those photo's, could you?"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!" Akane jumped to her feet, waving a large mallet around.
Ranma glared at her. "Akane, don't butt in! This is a man to man fight!" He glanced at the seething Ryoga-chan again. "Although it looks like only one of us is a real man!"
"DIE, SAOTOME!!!!" OK, yeah, it was an outdated battlecry. But it was quick and straight to the point.
Ranma charged towards the training hall as the demon head loomed over him. "What's the matter, lady, can't take the heat?! You make a better girl than a guy, anyway!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!" Ryoga-chan roared, swinging a mallet which connected solidly with Ranma's skull, much to his surprise.
I forget... he's faster as a girl. Ranma straightened up and began taunting Ryoga-chan again, carefully leading her into a spiral. "I thought you said that battlecry was outdated? What's the matter, Ryoga-chan, something wrong? Why not stay a girl for the rest of your life and find a real man to marry?" He could feel the heat of the battle aura radiating from the girl. Boy, was Ryoga mad! Just a few more steps and he'd have the Hyruu Shoten Ha to end all. "I don't know why Ucchan decided to stick with you, when she had a real man like me around!"
Ryoga-chan seethed with anger and renewed her attack. "Get back here, you coward!" she raged, chasing after him. "Stop running away!"
The words clicked in her mind.
Ranma was... running away... running away in a spiral... Time seemed to slow down as she realized she was being drawn into the center of the spiral. Oh no! Not again! Not this time! (It's nothing more than a clash of temperatures.) She remembered helping Ranma train with Cologne - she'd been the first one Ranma had unleashed his greatest attack on. And she'd gotten herself mad enough to be blown a few miles at least. Unless.... she could cool herself down. She grinned. "ICE STORM!" Ranma's eyes widened as the cold air surrounded him, canceling out his twister. Then, before he could react, he was hit by a flurry of punches. He staggered backwards before regaining his composure. "H-how did you do that?!!" he whispered in awe. Ryoga-chan smirked. "That would be telling. Come on, Ranma. Fight me." She could do it this time. She could defeat him! Ranma grinned. "OK. For real. Winner takes all." He took a stance. "Let's go!"
Skuld glanced at the okonomiyaki chef as she worked through her katas with her giant spatula, before swinging at an imaginary foe, muttering under her breath. A grin appeared on Skuld's face as the words reached her ears.
"...Jerk! Pervert! Stubborn, stuck-up, pig-headed jackass!"
"He'll be back soon," Skuld called.
Ukyo jumped around, a red flush covering her features. "I couldn't care less where he is or what he's doing!" she growled. "Why should I care anyway?!" She whirled around again and started the kata, smooth and controlled. Her mind was in a state of chaos, though. She didn't understand what was happening to her. She loved Ranchan, she knew that. So why am I worried about that idiot jackass Ryoga? She sighed. Well, if there was a question that needed answering, there was just one thing to do.
Procrastinate.
Procrastinate like you've never procrastinated before.
Skuld smiled knowingly and looked at the small pill she'd been given by her sister, and held it up to the light. "Admit it. You like him."
"I DO NOT!!!" Ukyo screamed.
Skuld couldn't resist goading her a little more. "So how was your date last night? Have fun? Was Ryoga a gentleman? I hear he leapt to your defense pretty quickly when all out war broke loose."
Ukyo scowled. "I don't want to talk about it, so drop it."
Skuld relented. She genuinely liked the okonomiyaki chef and didn't want to spoil the friendship they were building. "OK." She looked at the pill again with a smile. Love potion number 9. Ryoga and Ukyo were her friends. They deserved a little happiness after all the recent mayhem and chaos. As a goddess, surely she could do that? Pride... it always gets in the way. Well, Urd, maybe your ideas aren't as far-fetched as I originally thought.
End Part XIII
Final Song - Another Day In Paradise
========================
PART XIV
Winner takes all!!!
Ranma Saotome never loses...
Or does he?
========================
Ranma could only wait in shocked amazement as the Katsu Tenshin Amaguriken attack hit him. I don't believe this! I'm losing... to Ryoga Hibiki of all people! Finally his air tour across the Dojo was ended by the wall. He struggled to his feet. "T-this is far from over!"
"Fine by me! You can be my guinea pig!" Ryoga-chan sped forward with a speed that defied description (OK, so I just can't be bothered to describe it - so sue me.) before hitting Ranma with her battle aura. Thank you, Mr Saotome... Flipping over his head, she turned to face him. "Done yet, Ranma?" she teased lightly.
I can't move!! Ranma thought, desperately trying to will his limbs to do what he wanted. How did he do that?!! I've only ever seen Pops and the old freak do that before!
"Ranma? What's wrong?" Ryoga-chan walked around him in a circle, slightly bemused. Is that technique really that good?!! "Why aren't you attacking? Have you given up?" She waved a hand in front of his face. "Stop kidding and fight me! I'm not done yet!" She stepped backwards. He can't be done... he always beats me! "Snap out of it!"
"R-Ryoga..." Ranma forced enough life in his arm to raise it a little. There is no way I will ever admit defeat to him! Especially not when he's a GIRL!!! "T-thank's for the little speech..." Talking became easier as he continued. "Really inspiring."
"Are you going to fight me or not?" Ryoga-chan stood ready. "I'm not going to attack when you're frozen like that."
"Oh, I'm gonna fight you, all right!" Ranma wiped his face. "And I will win! No matter what!"
Ryoga-chan gave him one of those irritated looks. "Not too cocky now, are we?" She shook her head. "I should've taken you out when you were frozen."
"Too late now! KATSU TENSHIN AMARGURIKEN REVISED!!!" Ranma started hitting at the wooden floor of the Dojo.
"Huh?" Ryoga-chan stepped backwards. "You just did this... OWOWOWOWOW!!!" Jumping away, she examined her arm in surprise. "Splinters?"
"Incredible!" shouted Soun, jumping to his feet. He grabbed a microphone from somewhere. "He's using the Chestnut Fist to turn the floor into splintered wood, hitting it at an angle so that the wood splinters fly through the air, striking his opponent!!! Truly, it is a marvel to behold!!!"
Genma beamed proudly. "That's why he's my son."
"Well, all I can say is, he'd better pay for the floor to be repaired." Soun brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Or OWOWOW!!! HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE AIMING!!!"
Ranma glanced at him. "Sorry." He smirked at Ryoga-chan. "Give up yet, little girl?"
"You have got to be kidding." Ryoga-chan smirked back. "I've got a new trick for you, too."
"Wha... ANOTHER?!!!"
"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!!!" Ryoga-chan struck the floor with her index finger. "Watch."
A loud rumbling noise filled the room. Ranma looked around nervously. "What's that noise?" A geyser erupting from the floor answered his question. "Whatcha do THAT for?!!"
"KATSU TENSHIN AMARGURIKEN AND ICE STORM REVISED!!!" Ryoga-chan jumped into the air at began striking at the water. Where her hands hit the water, they turned it into ice. Ice, which went hurtling towards Ranma in the form of icicles, icebergs and plain ice chunks.
"Wha.. hey! Ow! Ouch!" Ranma tried to dodge. Which worked for a while, until he slipped on the icy floor. Then he found himself hammered by ice shrapnel. "Quit it!"
"Amazing! He used the Ice Storm technique to turn the water into ice, which he used against Ranma with the Chestnut Fist!" cried Genma through a megaphone. (Neriman sound systems. I want one!!) "Are you sure you don't want him to marry one of your other daughters?"
"Oh no you don't!" Nabiki shouted. "Don't you go putting ideas in Daddy's head!"
Ryoga-chan walked over to where Ranma lay, using the weather techniques to melt the ice with each step. I-I don't believe this... I'm actually winning!!! She bowed her head slightly. "This is the reason I came to Nerima... finally, I can really do it!!! She looked down at Ranma. "Do you surrender?"
Ranma glared up at her. "No way, Hibiki!" He climbed unsteadily to his feet.
"Good." Ryoga-chan closed her eyes, recalling how the Chaos Butterflies manipulated the weather. She moved her hands, and the icy water from the geyser spiraled around her. "FINAL ATTACK!!! HYRUU SHOTEN HA REVISED!!!"
Ranma screamed.
Tsubasa looked at his reflection in the mirror. I didn't want to do this, Ukyo, but if that's what it takes to make you mine, I'll do it. He raised his fist high. "I'll do ANYTHING for you!!!" he cried, sun bursting in the background behind the tsunami waves. "Anything at all!!!"
As quickly as they appeared, the sun and the waves vanished and Tsubasa was surrounded by a murky blackness. "I-I'd even..." Tsubasa closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "Even ... kill for you."
The normal surroundings faded back into existence. "But today, let's just try..." He stuck his tongue out at the mirror. "Dressing as a guy."
Shampoo looked around the darkened restaurant. "We done, great-grandmother? Shampoo can go see Ryoga now, yes?"
Mousse growled and tightened his grip on his chopsticks.
Cologne nodded. "Are you sure you don't want to take a love potion with you? Just a weak one?"
"No thank you, Shampoo no trust love potions. Always backfire." Shampoo grinned. "I win Ryoga's love all on own."
The chopsticks snapped. I really, REALLY hate Hibiki now.
Demons. Ghouls. Things that go bump in the night. They attacked when you least expected it, when your guard was down, when you just thought it was safe outside. Merdith waited, biding her time, waiting for the guard to fall. She watched Ryoga-chan from the shadows, hatred and fear shown by darker shadows. She couldn't risk trying to take her - it would be too dangerous. She didn't dare take any risks, Percicus had done that and been defeated. She and Jodie were the last ones left. She had to wait, to find someone who she could use. She moved back into the darkest shadows again as the eldest Tendo daughter passed her, walking towards the telephone. Too weak. And too suspicious. She's no good.
Kasumi hung up the telephone and re-entered the wrecked Dojo. "The repairmen will be here soon, Father. Really, there's no need to cry." She looked at the hole in the ceiling. "Oh my. Hasn't Ranma landed yet?"
Genma shook his head. "That last move was.... Amazing!" He grabbed the microphone again. "He used the Heavenly Dragon Ascension Wave to.... do something." He looked at Ryoga-chan. "What did you do to Ranma?"
He has power... but he is still too weak. Another...
Ryoga-chan winced as she pulled another splinter out of her arm. "It's a secret." She jumped to her feet. "Where did Ranma go? Surely he should have landed by now..." She gasped. He must be on the roof or something, thinking of a way to defeat me! I'm doo..
CRASH
med. Ryoga-chan blinked. "Huh? Ranma?" She walked over to him and poked him with her toe. "Ranma? Are you OK? Did I win?"
Genma appeared by her side and looked at his son. "I think you won."
"What?!!" Ryoga-chan shook her head. "But the Takahashi goddess states that Ranma always wins!" She shook Ranma. "Hey, you! Wake up!"
Genma pushed her aside and grabbed Ranma by the collar. "WAKE UP, SON!!!!" He slapped him a few times. "The laws of reality are at stake! How dare you lose?!!!"
Akane pushed Genma aside. "Stop it, you're being ridiculous!" he looked at Ranma's unconscious body. "Let him rest."
Maybe. She has potential... and it would be fun to break him with the woman he holds so dear... Merdith thought about it for a little longer. It was an interesting idea, certainly. Let the girl sneak past his defenses and strike him where it hurt. She studied the situation for a moment, then paused. It wouldn't work - he was too shy, he'd push away anyone who tried to get close, and she didn't have the time or the patience to try and worm her way into his heart. Nah. She'd just have to try someone else...
Ryoga-chan shoved Genma aside again. "So I won?!! I really won?!!!"
Genma nodded solemnly. "That would appear so. Unless.." He grabbed Ranma by the collar again. "WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT!!!!"
"Mr Saotome!" Akane whacked him with her mallet. "Can't you see he's hurt?!!!"
"I... really won?!!!" Ryoga-chan stood dazed for a moment, before a huge grin appeared on her face. "YATTA!!!" She jumped into the air, Chun-Li style, bouncing up and down in glee. Happy flowers appeared around her. "I WON! I WON!!!" Tears streamed down her face. "This is the happiest day of my life!!!"
Soun shook his head. "It really means that much to him?"
Nabiki nodded. "You should've seen it when he first arrived here. The carnage was terri- WOAH! Put me DOWN!"
Ryoga-chan ignored her yells and spun her and Kasumi around. "I'm so happy!!! Hahahaa!!!"
"Ryoga, put me down or I'll puke!!"
"Oh my. I'm getting dizzy."
Akane watched Ryoga happily prance around the Dojo, with a slight smile on her face. In a way.. I'm happy for you, Ryoga. She looked down at Ranma and the smile faded. Poor Ranma...
Ranma groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "A-Akane?"
"Ranma, are you all right?" Akane asked in concern. "Do you want me to call Doctor Tofu?"
"With Kasumi here?! Are you crazy?!" Ranma sat up and rubbed the back of his head, looking around at the wreckage and Ryoga-chan merrily swinging his father around in the air. H-he won... I don't believe it...
Him! He's perfect! Merdith grinned and slipped forward for closer inspection. She should've known. Ranma Saotome, the lifelong rival of Ryoga Hibiki. There was the perfect excuse to attack, plus the added advantage that killing Hibiki in his body meant that the other women who chased relentlessly after him would be deterred somewhat, leaving the field clear for Kodachi. They'll die anyway... The thought sent ripples of pleasure through her. It was a long time since she'd killed someone. True, she often made attempts to kill Mr Lutz in his wife's body. She'd never succeeded. Oh yes, and she'd driven the DeFeo boy insane, to the point where he'd murdered his whole family, but she hadn't been there to help, to control him. But there was raw power in this town, power Kodachi had given them access to. I'll kill them all... but I'll kill Hibiki first."
Ryoga-chan caught sight of Ranma and ran over. "Ah! Ranma!"
GLOMP
"HEY! Get OFF me, you idiot!!" Ranma yelled. "You're hurting me!"
Ryoga-chan released her grip on Ranma and bounced around on her toes. "Sorry." She grinned happily. "Are you all right? I didn't know it'd be that good."
Ranma nodded. "I'll be fine... just how did you do all that?"
"Secret techniques." She bounced a few more times before gaining a little control. "Maybe I'll tell you another day." The perky grin grew even wider. "I'm going back to Ucchans now, see ya!" She waved cheerily before disappearing in search of a mirror.
Seeing her run off, Merdith moved forwards, waiting to pounce.
Genma waited for a moment before addressing his son. "So boy, what are you going to do?"
Ranma tried to think. On one hand, it was just so utterly humiliating that he, Ranma Saotome, had been defeated by Ryoga Hibiki - in female for and in front of an audience, no less! - that he just wanted to crawl into a hole and nurse his wounded ego before hunting him down and pounding him into the floor.
But on the other hand, there was a part of him that insisted he should just leave it. Maybe, just maybe, Ryoga would now finally stop hassling him and he could live in relative peace.
Yeah. Right. And pigs would fly.
Reaching out with long, ghostly fingers, she entered his mind.
Still, it seemed like a far more inviting prospect than hunting down the lost boy and challenging him to a rematch.
To a rematch? What a good idea...
The thought rose unbidden in Ranma's mind, and he shook his head, puzzled. But I don't want to fight him again. He has new power.
He humiliated you. In front of Akane.
But...
I'll give you the power. The raw energy he used against you, it's here. I'll give it to you. To use against him.
Ranma's eyes widened. "Who are you?"
"Ranma? Are you feeling all right?" Akane peered at him in worry.
He blinked in confusion. "Huh? Y-yeah, I'm fine..."
His tone lacked conviction as the silky voice whispered temptingly in his mind. I'm only trying to help you. I'm a friend.
"F-friend?"
Akane blinked. "I think maybe we should call Dr Tofu.
Don't speak. I can hear you if you just think. Merdith began to work her spell into Ranma. I want to help you fight him.
Fight... Ryoga? Ranma thought muzzily.
Yes. Just promise me you'll challenge him again. I'll teach you how to use the power against him and you can have your pride back.
It was so inviting... defeat Ryoga and get the title of Nerima's greatest martial artist back. Ranma felt his resolve melting. The owner of the voice would help him, teach him how to use that energy against Ryoga and win the battle. What is the energy?
Spiritual energy. Didn't you know? Nerima is the greatest source of pent-up spiritual energy in the universe. That's why strange things always happen here. Merdith was taking control and she knew it. Just a little nudge...
Very well. I'll challenge him again. Ranma jumped to his feet and walked out of the room, ignoring the stares of everyone around him.
Skuld looked up as Tsubasa and Shampoo entered the restaurant. "They're not here," she half-lied, pouring two cups of tea out. "Try again later." Just go away! She refrained from saying those words aloud, but hoped they'd take the hint. She couldn't have anyone else interfere.
Ukyo poked her head around the door frame. "Who's not here? Oh. It's you two." She forced a smile in their direction.
Skuld gritted her teeth. "Well, looks like Ukyo's here." There was a loud crash from upstairs and she winced. "And it sounds like Ryoga's back too." Wonderful. She quickly manoeuvred the tea over to another area and turned back in time to see Ryoga, back in his male form, run into the room with a huge grin on his face and sweep Ukyo into a big hug.
Four jaws fell in shock.
Skuld looked at the tea, then back to Ukyo and Ryoga. "Guess I don't need this any more," she muttered, placing the tray beside the grill and watching Ryoga swing Ukyo into the air, singing something in Greek. She glanced over at Shampoo and Tsubasa, who'd both slumped to their knees in shock, then back to the other two, still unable to believe her eyes. She sighed. You didn't have to be a technical genius to know that any second now, Ukyo was going to snap out of it and hit him. And when that happened, Shampoo and Tsubasa were going to snap out of it too and start attacking each other. Why can't the couples here be as simple and uncomplicated as Keiichi and Belldandy?
Shampoo resisted the urge to break down and cry. Spurned again. Here she was, one of the most powerful Amazons in her tribe and once again she'd been pushed aside in favour of a violent brunette tomboy. It not fair... she thought numbly. Shampoo work so hard... She clenched her fists in anger, before letting out a shaky sigh. The tea cups on the side caught her eye. Shampoo could do with drink... What the hell. She was depressed, she was spurned, she was entitled to steal other peoples tea.
Tsubasa took a few deep breaths and clenched his fists. Here he was, going to all the effort of dressing manly, and his darling Ukyo -HIS Ukyo - was in the arms of his hated rival. I'll kill him... I'LL KILL...
"Drink?" Shampoo held out the other teacup. "Is much good."
Tsubasa smiled faintly and took the cup from Shampoo. "Thanks."
Skuld finally noticed the materialization of the tea into Shampoo and Tsubasa's grasps a moment too late. Oh.... She quickly pulled a screen from RentaPortal (TM) in front of herself and the still-embracing couple who'd obviously somehow gotten hold of the TimeDrive from Lister and Rimmer and were operating in a different time zone. For now.
Shampoo looked at Tsubasa. Tsubasa looked at Shampoo. Somehow, their surroundings had been replaced by pink clouds and flowers in rolling meadow. (Meadows roll?) Neither of them noticed that the string quartet seemed rather out of place, they were too busy gazing into each others eyes.
Tsubasa looked in wonder at the beautiful Amazon in front of him. How had he ever even thought about chasing after Ukyo when there was this gorgeous woman here in Japan? "Shampoo..." he breathed lovingly.
Shampoo smiled happily at him. Right now, she couldn't have said "Ranma Saotome" or "Ryoga Hibiki" if someone had held up flashcards. Even in Chinese. How could she, when Tsubasa was giving her a look that turned her brain to the consistency of potato salad? "Oh, Tsubasa..."
Tsubasa and Shampoo never had been the shy, demure types when it came to proclaiming their affections.
A curse from Skuld finally brought Ukyo slowly back to reality. Sort of. Hastily blinking, she eventually realized she was being hugged. Not that it was a bad thing or anything, she quickly decided, a girl likes to feel appreciated every now and then. A nice, friendly hug was always a good ego boost and never failed to raise spirits. With a small smile, she looked up and assessed who was hugging her.
Black, spiky hair.
Green eyes.
All too familiar, black and yellow bandanna.
Ah. Ryoga. She was being hugged by Ryoga. Thankfully, there were no breasts at present. Closing her eyes, Ukyo leaned her head lightly against his chest.
Reality finally hit fully and her eyes snapped open. She was being hugged by her jackass fiance! "Ryoga Hibiki, you have five seconds to unhand me, before I start hurting you in interesting ways," she snarled through gritted teeth, her temper rising.
"Huh?" Ryoga eventually reached planet Earth and realized exactly what he was doing, and to who. "Eep!" He leapt away from her, face a fire engine red. "I'm sorry!! I-I didn't mean it like that - I-I mean I never.. I didn't..."
"Oh, so hugging me was bad, was it?!" Ukyo felt her hackles rising (Just what are hackles, anyway?) for some unknown reason.
"Well, believe me, it was just as unpleasant for me as it was for you!" Ryoga responded without thinking.
"You... you... JACKASS!!!!" The raging fire oni took over Ukyo's body and moved forward to turn Ryoga into mulch.
Skuld stepped in between them. "Would you guys cut it out? I'm trying to hear what they're saying," she hissed, peeping though a gap in the screens. Maybe Urd had given her a duff potion....
"Wo ai ni."
No such luck. So that's what she meant about them always, somehow, backfiring.
Ryoga and Ukyo silently called a temporary truce and cautiously peered around the edge of the screen. "O-oh my!" Ukyo blushed and covered her eyes.
THUMP No prizes for guessing who passed out with a nosebleed that would make Mt Etna proud.
"H-hey, this is a public building! Get a room!" Skuld scolded.
"Shampoo... will you marry me?" Tsubasa stopped kissing her long enough to actually phrase the question.
"Aiya! Is so more romantic than defeat in battle! Yes!"
GLOMP
The happy couple drifted away on cloud nine to the Cat Café, oblivious to everything around them, causing cars to swerve in near misses as they casually strolled into the middle of the road, hand in hand.
Skuld sighed slightly. "That's so sweet..."
"Were you," Ukyo inquired. "Responsible for that?"
Like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, Skuld froze. "Uh...."
Much to her amazement, a giant smile appeared on the chefs face. "You got Tsubasa out of my hair! How can I ever thank you?!"
The brunette goddess facefaulted.
End Part XIV
Final song - Against All Odds
=============
PART XV
Never say Never.
=============
All three were so different, Tatewaki Kuno noted, yet each so perfect. He sighed and flipped through his photo album, trying vainly to make a decision.
He stopped at one page and gazed adoringly at the photograph. The face of Akane Tendo looked back up at him. Dressed in a floral frock, she was frozen in frame as she cheerfully walking down the street, doing an errand for Kasumi. "Ah, Akane Tendo," he sighed happily. He flicked over to the next page and his gaze settled on the Pig-tailed girl. Dressed in her typical Chinese garb, she was caught in the midst of balancing on a fence as she dodged a panda. "The Pig-tailed girl..." His love for her was matched equally by his love, and he'd thought there was no room in his heart for another. With a sigh, he turned to the back pages, which were devoted entirely to photographs of the Bandannaed girl. He craved these photographs even more than the ones of Akane Tendo and the Pig-tailed girl, if only because of the fact that Nabiki seemed to have greater trouble obtaining them. He sighed with love as he gazed at her photographs, although a small part of him wondered why she almost always wore clothes which were far too large for her. Except for in his favourite photograph where she'd been wearing nothing but skimpy lingerie. Obviously too shy to show off her wares to him in person, she'd had Nabiki photograph her in it. "Ah... the Bandannaed girl." Aphrodite, Ariadne and Arachne. Three goddesses. Akane Tendo with her liquid brown eyes and short brown hair was as equally as beauteous as the Pigtailed girl with her sparkling blue eyes and long red hair, who was equally as beauteous as the Bandannaed girl with her deep green eyes and spiky black hair... "Each one is so different... HOWEVER SHALL I CHOOSE?!!!"
As usual, he reached his verdict and rushed out of the house to purchase three bouquets of roses.
SPLASH
Ryoga-chan sat up with a gasp. "Why do you always have to do that to me?" she griped, wringing out her black T-shirt.
"Because it works so well," Ukyo replied, pouring a waiting kettle over her head. When the transformation was complete, she hovered expectantly, nearby.
"Uh... do you want something?" Ryoga asked after a few moments of silence.
"Yeah." Ukyo moved in for the kill. "An explanation as to why you hugged me for starters."
"Um..." The crimson blush instantly appeared on his face again. "Evil genetic clone? Twin brother? Nabiki's blackmailing me?" Delighted as he was to have finally beaten Ranma in a fair fight, he decided Ukyo would probably be less than happy to hear that he'd knocked the tar out of her ex-fiance. Fortunately, he was saved from having to answer by the arrival of Ranma. Unfortunately, Ranma spilled the beans anyway. "Ryoga Hibiki, I challenge you to a re-match!" He pointed his finger at Ryoga. "I shall never accept your victory over me!"
Ukyo looked at them both in amazement. "You," she began, pointing to Ryoga, "won a fight against Ranchan?!" She finished by pointing at Ranma.
"You don't have to sound so surprised!" Ryoga snapped.
Ukyo sighed and turned to face Ranma. "Ranchan..." she began gently. "How much of Akane's cooking did you eat before he fought you?"
"Hey!"
Ranma shook his head. "None."
Ukyo paused in consideration. "Then you", she pointed to Ryoga. "Must have cheated!!!"
The demon head loomed over her. "I WON THAT CONTEST FAIR AND SQUARE!!!!!"
"EEEEEEEEK!!!!!"
Skuld appeared from the back room to see what all the commotion was about. "Could you keep it down a little, I'm trying to find a cure here!" she snapped.
Ranma grinned arrogantly at Ryoga. "I hereby challenge you to a rematch. One week from today at noon in the soccer field at school."
"What if I refuse?"
The quiet question threw Ranma for a second before he recovered. "What?"
"What if I refuse?" Ryoga settled down on a stool before continuing. "Your father and the Tendo's all saw us fight, they know I didn't cheat." He grinned. "If you accept your defeat, I won't mention it again. I'll even stop randomly attacking you." He paused for a second. "Except for when you mistreat Akane. How about it?"
"No!" Ranma crossed his arms. "This is a matter of honour!"
Skuld looked up and a look of confusion crossed her face as she looked at Ranma.
"What this is, is a matter of you not liking the fact that you're not invincible", Ryoga shot back angrily.
Merdith watched from the shadows and began to play with her puppet. Ranma smiled slowly. "You know, P-Chan..."
"Don't call me that!"
Ranma continued, ignoring the interruption and slowly walking over to Ryoga. "There's a certain Tendo girl who would pay large amounts of money to hear about a certain pet belonging to a certain other Tendo girl..."
Ryoga paled considerably. "Y-you wouldn't dare!" he stammered.
Skuld narrowed her eyes.
"Wouldn't I?" Ranma smiled sinisterly. "Do you really want to take the chance?"
"Ryoga..."
Ryoga ignored the suddenly agitated goddess. "Then I accept your challenge," he said quietly.
"Great!" The old, perky Ranma was back. "No backing out?"
"No backing out."
"Ryogaaaa!" Skuld buried her head in her hands. Damn, damn, DAMN!
"Good. Now we'll discuss the terms." Ranma grinned merrily.
Oops! Should've done the terms first! Ryoga though. Well, it was too late now. "OK, then, if I win again, you... uh..."
"Akane?" Ranma queried.
Ryoga shook his head. "She hates being the prize in fights, you know that. No, if I win..." Looking around, he spotted Ukyo and was hit by sudden inspiration. "You pay back Ucchan for all the food you've freeloaded from her."
"Huh?!" Ukyo looked surprised. She laughed nervously. "No, It's OK..."
"I agree," Ranma declared, cutting her off. "But if I win..." He paused for dramatic effect. "If I win, you leave Nerima." He leaned forward. "For good."
Mousse stormed out of the Cat Café, a dark rage radiating from him. Minuets earlier, his beloved had returned home with a man who she'd decided she loved, who, worse still, returned the affections. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was a normal man. But no, it had to be the cross-dresser who'd been chasing after Ukyo for so long. When he'd attempted to kill him though, Shampoo had grabbed the nearest weapon - a bazooka - and calmly stated that if he so much as harmed a hair on the head of her Tsubasa, he'd have his guts pumped full of lead.
Now he thought about it, it was obvious. Ryoga and Ukyo were sick to death of other people interfering in their relationship and had decided to remove the obstacles with a love potion. While he was off now to kill them, he had to admit he was impressed. Love potions had a horrible tendency to backfire.
He pushed open the door to Ucchans. "Hibiki, Kuonji, say your farewells because today is the day you shall repent for your sins against humanity!" It hadn't taken him long to think of that.
"That would've been a marvelous entrance, if not for the fact that I'm Skuld." She decided now would not be the greatest time to tell him that he'd just ruined the cure to the love potion by spilling it all down her shirt front. Reaching over, she knocked the glasses back over his eyes. "Ryoga and Ukyo are over there, arguing."
Mousse fumed. If they'd put so much effort into getting rid of their rivals, the least they could do was pretend they were a happy couple.
The argument grew louder as he drew closer. "You can't, you're injured!"
"That's why I have a week to prepare, dummy!"
"You don't have to do this." Ukyo tried again.
"Yes I do." Ryoga crossed his arms.
Mousse ran forward. "Hibiki, Kuonji, prepare..."
KAPOW
He flew backwards out of the restaurant onto the pavement. Undaunted, he jumped to his feet and ran back inside. "To die!"
"I'll prove I'm fine." Ryoga stood ready.
KAPOW
Mousse made another airborne exit through the door and stood up again. "I could have..."
KAPOW
Repeat the above action, except this time, Mousse is a bit more battered.
"Accepted it in time if.."
KAPOW
Pause, then repeat again.
"You'd pretended you..."
KAPOW
I don't need to explain again, do I?
"Were getting along..."
KAPOW
"But I just wanna..."
KAPOW
"Ask you why..."
KAPOW
"You didn't make it me she chose!"
Ukyo scowled at Ryoga as Mousse made yet another charge for them. "I don't need you to protect me!"
"Who said I was doing that?!"
"If he comes my way, I can handle him."
Ryoga batted Mousse away and looked at her in astonishment. "Of course he's coming your way, I'm right by you!"
Ukyo shrugged. "So move away from me."
"Don't be a dummy, he'll attack you."
"I thought you said you weren't protecting me," Ukyo jibed.
Ryoga bristled. "You don't need protecting, you need restraining."
CLANNNNNNNNG
"JERK!"
CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG CLANG
Mousse wobbled into the restaurant just in time to see the Ukyo fire oni pound Ryoga into the floor. "Um... I'll come back later..."
SPLASH
Ryoga-chan sat up with a sharp intake of breath as she was splashed with icy water for the second time that night. "Don't DO that! Are you trying to slowly murder me through pneumonia or something?!"
Ukyo sighed. "Withdraw from the duel with Ranchan... please?"
Ryoga-chan looked at Ukyo in surprise. Is she... worried.. about me?! For some reason, that made her feel strange. She blushed lightly and fixed her gaze on the floor. "Umm..."
Ukyo continued blithely. "I mean, you couldn't even stand up against me, so you obviously haven't got a chance against a superior martial artist like him."
Her fuse finally blowing out, Ryoga-chan jumped to her feet, casually kicking her trousers to one side. "For your information, I totally wiped the floor with your dear Ranchan - As A Girl - and I'll do it again, you got that?!"
Tatewaki Kuno chose that second to enter at full speed through the door. He grasped hold of Ryoga-chan's hands, kneeling down in front of her. "Yes! Smite him again, my beloved!!! I, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, have complete and total faith in you!"
"Uh..." Sweatdrops appeared on Ukyo and Ryoga-chan's heads.
"Ah, see how my words of pure love have rendered her speechless." He produced a bouquet of red roses and plonked them in her arms. "Let it be heard now, that if he harms one hair on your head, I shall rise to your defence in the name of love! I also shall seek out vengeance against the one who has been as foolish as to scar your beautiful face."
Ryoga-chan shrugged. If Ranma could use his girl side to get what he wanted, so could she. She put on her very best kawaii face and batted her eyelashes at him. "O-oh, Kuno- sempai! You'd really do that for me?"
"I'm going to puke," Ukyo mumbled.
Ryoga-chan ignored her and gave Kuno a fang-toothed grin. "I'm so.. so... MOVED!!" she squealed, quickly punching out as he moved forward to glomp her. This goon could actually be useful.. she noted.
"My love, for you I would do anything!" Kuno proclaimed, moving forward and once again meeting an unyielding fist.
"Goody. Now get lost, I have to train." Satisfied, she punted him through the roof before tossing the roses aside.
Ukyo picked up the bouquet. "You should really put these in some water, you know. They're nice."
"Yeah?" Ryoga-chan shrugged. "You can keep them if you want."
I'd rather be given flowers that aren't hand-me-downs she thought. "I prefer white roses."
"Oh." Ryoga-chan carefully stored that piece of information. "White roses."
"Not that it's important or anything," Ukyo said hastily. She quickly changed the subject. "That was a sickening display."
"You mean the acting?" Ryoga-chan said neutrally. "Or the fact that he thinks I'm as good as Ranma?"
"A mild delusion, I'm sure. Ranchan never loses."
Ryoga-chan's short-fused temper blew again. "Well at least SOMEONE has a little faith in my ability! Ranma isn't some sort of invincible god, y'know! He still loses to Mr Saotome and Happosai and Cologne - he just wins the fights that count!" Instantly all the blood drained from her face.
The Takahashi goddess states that Ranma Saotome never loses... the fights that really matter.
And if this fight didn't matter, then she was a Samurai Pizza Cat.
"ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!" With a wail of dismay, she pounded her fist against the wall.
Ukyo jumped back in alarm. "Ryoga, what is it?!"
"I'm going to lose anyway. It's a universal law," Ryoga-chan said in a dismal voice, before running up the stairs to her room. I've lost before I've even started," she thought hopelessly. This is going to be my last week in Nerima. Ever.
After a few moments, Ukyo decided to pay her oldest friend a visit.
Mousse grabbed hold of the person in front of him. "I've got you at last, Ryoga Hibiki!"
"Excuse me, Sir?" Mihoshi was very confused. "My name's Mihoshi. Ryoga Hibiki lives at Ucchans okonomiyaki restaurant, which is closed at the moment because it's getting late, but I guess if you're a friend of his, you'd be allowed right in..."
Mousse pulled his glasses back over his eyes. "You're not Hibiki!"
"I thought I just said that." Mihoshi gave him a surprisingly Kasumi-like smile. "You see, I can't be Ryoga because I'm a girl and Ryoga's a guy, or at least he is most of time, it's not like he's a girl through his own choosing..."
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIE!!!" What the hell. It took a lot less time to think up.
Mihoshi's Galaxy Police Training kicked in. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUSTER!!!" she roared, pulling out her laser pistol.
Mousse stopped dead and turned to face her. "Uh... what," he began, pointing to the pistol, "are you doing with that thing?!!"
Mihoshi held the pistol rigidly. "I can't let you kill Ryoga. If you even attempt to harm him, I'll use this." Her voice began to crack. "Please don't make me use it, because that'll really hurt and I don't want to have to do it!"
Mousse looked at her for a few moments. "Ah! You were that girl in the hospital room who Shampoo called a Bubble-head, aren't you?"
Mihoshi fumed. "Hmph. She should look in a mirror when she says that."
"ARE YOU CALLING SHAMPOO A BUBBLE-HEAD?!!!" People looked nervously at each other and began to clear the area.
"YES, I'M CALLING THAT CHINESE BIMBETTE A BUBBLE-HEAD!!!"
"OH, YEAH?!! BIMBETTE?!!" Mousse snorted. "Pot calling kettle black here."
"WATCH WHO YOU'RE CALLING A BIMBETTE, GIRLYBOY!!!" Mihoshi snarled.
"GIRLYBOY?!!!" Battle auras lit up the street. "At least I don't turn into a nauseatingly, kawaii midget girl!"
"No." Mihoshi stopped.
"Huh?"
The battle aura flared again. "You just LOOK like one!!!!
"So there's a demon controlling Ranma?" Ryoga lay on his back on the futon, although for some obscure reason, he had his feet on the pillow and his head where his feet would normally be.
Mini-Skuld nodded. "I did try to warn you," she reminded him.
Ryoga sighed. "I guess I'll have to deal with that as soon as possible. Can you distract Ucchan?"
"She's not in. Lets go now while it's still light out.
A few minutes later, Magical Guy Makoto was bouncing carefully across rooftops towards the Tendo Dojo. "You know, I feel like a total idiot in this getup."
"You look great. In fact, my big sister Urd is a big fan of yours. She keeps asking me to get your autograph."
"Urgh! I keep getting people crowding around me during the day...someone is bound to recognize me sooner or later." Ryoga sighed. First he'd started out by just being weird, with his sense of direction. Then he'd gotten cursed. Then he'd discovered he wasn't even human. Then he'd become a sex-changing super-hero/ heroine. It was bad enough when people knew the first one or two of those things. He wanted to keep the others secret. No need to alienate people further. What a pick-up line that would be, he thought sourly. Hi, my name's Ryoga Hibiki. I'm also that masked super hero you have posters of on your locker doors. Plus, I go by the name of Magical Girl Ryoko. And I'm only partly human. Noooo. That could definitely stay a secret.
"No-body will recognize you. It's like a built in natural defence thing. Like Sailor Moon. Pigtails like that should get you spotted like that." She snapped her fingers. "But they don't. Somewhere out there is a girl with one blonde pigtail hacked off who looks identical to Sailor Moon. But nobody will ever know it's her. Of course, sometimes there will be the odd person who finds out." She grinned. "But trust me. Even with those cuts down your face, no-one..."
"You can still see them?!!" Ryoga raised a hand to his face, unconsciously running his ringers along the narrow slash marks. He groaned. "That's it. I'm done for. The second someone turns a light on, they're gonna know it's me. And with Nabiki Tendo in the area, the whole city would know by midday tomorrow!"
"And yet you plough onwards," Skuld joked.
Ryoga made a face. "Of course. If I get rid of this demon, then he might just forget about this rematch... or at least change the terms a little." Skuld nodded silently as he continued. "Why on Earth does he have a cosmic law concerning his fights?"
"I have no idea."
Arriving at the Dojo, Ryoga looked around apprehensively. "Do you feel it?"
Skuld frowned. "There's something wrong.. it's too widespread."
"What do you mean?"
At the same moment, the shadows erupted around his ankles. "She means I'm everywhere around you!" The voice wasn't loud, but it had the effect of sending shivers racing down the lost boy's spine.
With a yell of surprise, Ryoga found himself sinking into the black shadows that oozed around him.
"You truly think I would've been as naive as to stay inside that body and not set a trap?" Merdith chuckled lightly. This was too easy! How had the others all managed to fail? The ShadowDemon lightly ran a finger along his jawbone. "Look what the cat brought in."
She's toying with me... but for how long? Ryoga realized as he struggled to free his arms, but to no avail.
"Sweet dreams, little one." Merdith was impressed. Most people gave in to the shadows within seconds, eventually realizing that it would end all their fear and pain. But this one was still struggling violently. "Close your eyes and go to sleep..."
End Part XV
Final song - In The Air Tonight
=============
Deja-vu -
Reflections don't always speak the truth.
===============================
BRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG
WHAM
Nothing quite like the snooze button Ryoga decided, giving the remains of his alarm clock a quick glance before attempting to catch sleep again. Before he could succeed, Ukyo poked her head through the door and threw a pillow at him. "Wake up!"
"I was asleep," he grumbled, batting the pillow away and closing his eyes.
"That was then and this is now and you've got work to do!" Ukyo open the curtains, flooding the room with sunlight. Giving up, Ryoga stretched, then regretted it as every muscle in his body screamed their protest by putting him in pain. OW! I am never going anywhere near Doctor Tofu again! He winced a little and sat up slowly, trying to hide the pain from Ukyo. She pretended not to notice. "Put some clothes on while I make breakfast, OK, sugar?"
Entering her kitchen, Ukyo was hit by inspiration. Instead of making the usual okonomiyaki, she could make him something special to show how relieved she was that he was all right. That sounds good! Let's see now... She reached for a cook book.
A few minuets later, Ryoga appeared. "What are you cooking?" he asked curiously. "It doesn't smell like okonomiyaki."
"Miso soup, nori, natto and tsukemono," Ukyo explained, pointing to each as she named them.
Ryoga looked surprised. "You're not cooking okonomiyaki?"
"Nope."
"Okonomiyaki Ukyo is cooking something other than okonomiyaki?" Ryoga didn't notice the battle aura flare up as he wandered around the kitchen. "That's incredible."
Ukyo reached for her battle spatula. "What's so incredible about it?!" she growled.
Ryoga still didn't notice the darkening mood. "I didn't think you could cook anything other than okonomiyaki." He looked thoughtful. "I hope it's edible."
That was it. Ukyo swung. "JERK!!!!!!"
He finally located the source of the blue glow. "Uh oh."
CLANG
Women Ryoga decided, are the bane of my existence. Finally, it all made sense. Women were the reason things went wrong in his life. Sailing through the air, he decided to work out the reasons to pass the time until he landed. Firstly, there was the fact that he'd be born. Partly his mothers fault. He chuckled a little. So it was a very sexist reason, but it was a reason. Well, this is a fun game. What else?
Then, there was the bread feud. If he'd gone to a mixed school, the lunch time riots would not be present, because all the boys would be trying to impress the girls. Ranma wouldn't have constantly stolen his bread and the fight would never had been made. A distinct lack of women was the problem there.
What was next? Umm.... he was incredibly shy around them. That was defiantly a disadvantage as far as he was concerned. As soon as girls started to be cute to him, he passed out. And if they showed off any skin, he needed a blood transfusion!
Four, Ranma. Or to be more precise, Ranma's girl half. How many times had Ranma played games with his heart by transforming into a girl and donning a disguise? Too many to count.
Let's see ... other problems because of girls? Akane. That was obvious. He couldn't hurt Ranma because that would hurt her. Major disadvantage on his part. No matter how much he wanted - no, needed revenge against Ranma, a little part of his mind (armed with a large mallet and toxic food) would hold him back. Even now he still found himself holding back for her.
Ranma's ex-fiancees. Shampoo wasn't so bad - she was actually quite nice. But there was the Mousse problem. It was infinitely irritating to walk down the street, only to be met by the sound of "Hibiki! Prepare to di..." Hang on a sec. Ryoga frowned to himself. That actually seemed a little familiar to him... Oh well. He shrugged the thought away. It's not important. Now, where was I?
Hmm.... And Ucchan. No matter what he said or what he did, he still ended up being smashed over the head or punted though the roof. Like now... he thought, narrowly missing a bird that had flitted into his flight path. Ucchan seemed to alternate half the time between being glad to be rid of him (by smacking him through the roof...) and not letting him step outside. He had no idea where he was with her. Did she want him to stay there or not? If she did, why did she always hit him? And if she didn't, why did she ...umm .... hit him? So what if they were engaged? If that was what being engaged was about, he wanted out before he ended up like Ranma.
Didn't Ranma often spend his mornings flying through the air too? Oh well.
Yep, women of the world were plotting against him, trying to sap his moral and spirit. OBVIOUSLY that was why he was now cursed to turn into a girl. Idly he wondered which goddess he'd ticked off in a past life. So he could grovel and get his life back to a vague sort of normal.
A flash of green hair caught his eye, and he turned to see a girl flying next to him. After a second look he quickly pinched his nose and turned away, blushing a little.
"Hi. My name's Lum." Lum smiled at him. "Have you seen a brown haired boy chasing a girl in red armour and chains?" she asked hopefully.
Ryoga shook his head. "Sorry, but no."
Lum sighed. "What are you doing up here, anyway?" Flying people were a rarity, and she wanted to be prepared if more people were going to try and drag Darling away from her.
"My fiancee swatted me through the roof." The trajectory was changing. Maybe if he was lucky, he land on someone's roof. Then it'd be simple to find a mirror and teleport home. He was still suffering from a mixture of Vega and Tofu inflicted pain and he felt he deserved a day of rest and relaxation. Well, he could dream, couldn't he?
"Why?" Lum was curious now. She'd seen Ranma a few times, but another guy with a violent fiancee?
Ryoga shrugged. "How the hell should I know? She got mad at me when I said she couldn't cook anything other than okonomiyaki."
"You're mean!!!" Lum decided Japanese men were a total waste of space. "You're just as bad as Darling!!" She grabbed him by the arm.
"Hey, wha...?"
ZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZ AKZAKZAK
"OWOWOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lum disappeared in search of Ataru and Benten, glaring at the charbroiled bandannaed boy. "Serves you right, being mean to your fiancee!!!"
Girls hate me. Ryoga looked down. Water loomed up.
SPLASH
Ryoga-chan crawled out of the river and wrung out her bandanna. Her trousers had sunk immediately and were lost in the depths of the water. Luckily, her shirt fell to her knees. She hoped she wouldn't get splashed with any hot water until after she'd managed to acquire some trousers That Would Fit. This is so unfair! How come Ranma never loses his clothes?! Ryoga-chan sighed. The day could not get much worse. Girls really hate me.
"What a fashion disaster!!"
"You'll never get a date dressed like that!"
Ryoga-chan looked up at the girls in front of her. "Uh... what...?"
The girls exchanged glances. "Don't worry. We're the Kolkhoz high fashion club," one of them said, stepping forward. "We're going to have to fix up your outfit, honey."
Ryoga-chan began to back away. "N-nu-no thanks, I'll just... is that the time?"
"GRAB HER, GIRLS!!!!"
"Saotome secret technique!!" Ryoga-chan yelled. She ran. The ludicrously huge mass of girls set chase after her. And I hate girls.
"Ukyo! I love you!"
Ukyo fumed and released some of her pent up anger on the vending machine that was trying to hit on her. She bashed it with her spatula several times, before kicking it through the front door. "Tsubasa, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RESTAURANT!!!!!"
Outside, the vending machine sprouted arms, legs and a head and wobbled down the street. Ouch. She's getting a lot more violent. A nasty thought struck Tsubasa. M- maybe Ukyo really doesn't want to date with me!!! After considering that for a few seconds, he tossed the idea aside and went in search of his 'turn left' disguise.
Ryoga-chan hummed a little as she went in pursuit of a mirror. She been ambushed and overwhelmed by the girls - it was incredible how many girls were devoted to fashion - and subjected to horrors far worse than she could ever tell.
She'd been given a makeover.
Mascara, lipstick, foundation, blusher, eyeshadow and worst of all, eyeliner. She'd had her eyelashes curled, her fingernails painted and her eyebrows plucked. Somehow, they'd even managed to cover up the slash marks on her face. She'd always thought girls had makeovers to relax and make themselves pretty.
Now she knew the truth - it was to toughen themselves up in case they were ever made prisoners of war. How could it hurt so much to have somebody just comb her hair?
Ryoga-chan sighed, but continued to hum. After all, she'd made it out alive. With clothes that fit. They'd even let her keep her bandanna. So maybe she could've done without the bra... and the panties... and the stockings and suspenders... so maybe the little skirt was very short. And the little denim sleeveless tie-top shirt was too ... girly. But it all fitted, a sensation she'd never found in this form so far. Clothes that really fitted.
But the moment she found a mirror she was getting changed.
Maybe in future, it'd make sense to carry round a spare outfit, one of the one's R-C had left behind. Ryoga-chan smiled a sad little smile as she thought about her 'brothers' and 'sister'. Then she remembered Skuld mentioning a sister. I'll have to ask her about it. A little sister... I wonder what she's like? Maybe it would be nice to have a little sister to care for.... Ryoga-chan shook her head quickly. No. It was too soon. She still missed Aiko.
Glancing to one side, she noticed a furniture store. Mirrored cabinets... home, here I come!!
Elsewhere in Tokyo, things were just as hectic in that little corner of insanity known to the locals as the Tendo Dojo.
"RANMA, YOU GET BACK HERE AND EAT THE BREAKFAST I MADE!!!!"
"Growf."
"A-Akane? I was just, ya know, going into town..."
"SWEETO!!!!"
"GETAWAYFROMMEYOUFREAKOFNATURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
KAPOW
"Eat breakfast before you go!"
"I wanna get there alive!!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! MY BABY GIRL AND HER FIANCE ARE FIGHTING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!"
"Akane! Pigtailed girl! My two fair beloved's! I would date..."
WHACKPOW
"Oh my."
The bathroom was empty, much to Ryoga-chan's relief. She looked at her reflection. The make-up had to go.
After vigorous scrubbing, her face was finally make-up free. Now for the clothes. The skirt and shirt were no problem. However, being confronted with the task of having to remove female undergarments for the first time, Ryoga-chan was at a loss. She glared at her reflection, trying to figure out how the hell to undo the bra. "I know there's a hook somewhere..." she growled, turning around and looking over her shoulder. "How the hell am I supposed to reach it though?"
She jumped around as the door slid open. "Hi, I thought you'd come back...." Ukyo began. She stopped talking and rubbed her eyes, then looked again. Still not able to believe it, Ukyo's mind went through a checklist.
Ryoga.
Check.
In girl form.
Check.
Wearing stockings, suspenders, bra and panties.
Check.
And posing in front of the mirror.
Check.
Her face turned a very interesting colour and she advanced on her fiance. "YOU...."
Ryoga-chan began to back away quickly. "Ucchan, please, hear me out..."
"PERVERT!!!!" She swung with the spatula.
Ryoga-chan dodged somehow, and continued babbling. "It's not what it looks like, really!" Stop making excuses and run!
"KEEP STILL AND LET ME KILL YOU!!!!" The spatula swung in deadly arcs, but failed to make a connection. Ukyo cursed. His smaller and faster female side was just TOO good at dodging. OK, time to change tactics, Ukyo decided. She lowered the spatula. "I'm sorry."
Ryoga-chan stopped and blinked. "Huh?"
WHOCKPOWCLANNNNNNNNNG
Ukyo glared at the hole in the roof. Urg! What a pervert!! I can't believe I was worried about him!!!
And Ryoga-chan found herself hurtling through the sky again.
Ranma-chan dragged herself out of the pond and glared at her panda parent. "You. Are. Dead!!!"
Akane watched from the porch as Ranma-chan and Genma exchanged blow after blow, Ranma-chan even holding off Happosai at various intervals as the lecherous old man made constant grabs for her chest. The second this is over, he's eating the breakfast I cooked for him, whether I have to force feed him or not!
The end came sooner than she expected when a small girl fell out of the sky, her head connecting with Ranma-chan's. They both fell into the pond with a loud SPLASH.
Ryoga-chan (Yup! It was her!) groaned and rubbed her head. "Ouchie... what did I land on?" She looked around, the pain in her head making the aches and pains in the rest of her body seem like nothing. She frowned. Actually, apart from her headache, everywhere else stopped hurting. That was ...strange...
"Ryoga?"
She looked around, startled. "A-Akane!" Just my luck! she thought bitterly. She's going to think I'm the biggest pervert in the history of the universe! "I-I..."
Another person sat up next to her, spitting out water. "Ow ow ow ow ouch! I hurt all over..."
"Ryoga, are you all right?" Akane knelt down by the pond.
"I'm fine..."
The next thing Akane did was to be scarred into her memory for all eternity. She whipped out her large mallet and whacked Ryoga-chan over the head with it. Hard. Ryoga-chan found herself with her nose embedded in the concrete. "Ow!" She looked at Akane, puzzled and hurt. "What did you do that for?!!"
"Butt out Ranma. I wasn't talking to you!"
A nasty feeling of dread flooded through her veins and she turned around to look at Ranma-chan. A Ranma-chan wearing a bandanna, a look of horror and not much else. She looked down at herself.
Red Chinese shirt
Black pants
And hanging over her shoulder was a red pigtail.
There was a few seconds of silence as the two gender-malfunctioned martial artists gazed at each other, doing very convincing goldfish acts. (Y'know? Opening and shutting their mouths with a gormless look on their faces?) Ryoga-chan was torn between pulling a Soun Tendo major A weepy or a Kodachi/ Jinnai patent loonylaugh. Before she could decide, a small figure glomped onto Ranma-chan's bra-clad chest. "SWEETO!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! GETOFFMEEEEE!!!!!!!" She threw him through the air and grabbed hold of Ryoga-chan by the hand. "We need to talk," she whispered through gritted teeth, dragging her into the Dojo, to the bathroom.
Nabiki chuckled and patted her camera. "Well Ryoga my friend, these pictures will certainly help pay off a little more of your debt to Daddy." Now all she had to do was try and find out exactly why Ryoga was wearing nothing but lingerie.
"Why am I wearing this?!!!" Ranma-chan snarled, looking at her reflection. Except it wasn't her face looking out at her, it was Ryoga-chan's. She ripped off the scanty underwear and jumped into the hot water.
Ryoga-chan sat down in the water next to him. "Kolkhoz high fashion club."
Ranma grimaced. "Say no more." Amazing what a strong grip a woman in pursuit of high fashion was capable of. Then he frowned. "Scratch that. Why do I look like you? And why do you look like me?" He winced a little as pain flooded through his body. "You couldn't wait until you were feeling better before taking over my body? It hurts all over!"
Ryoga glared at him. It was very strange, to turn to someone and see them wearing your face. However, the experience with R-C, R-D and R-A had make it a little easier for him than for Ranma. "You act like I've done this on purpose!" He looked thoughtful. "Maybe it was where I landed on your head." He smirked. "Maybe you should go and get Ukyo to whack you through the air back here."
"ME?!! Get real, I'm in enough pain as it is." Ranma winced again. "I feel like I've been put through a mangle."
"Well that's because of your friendly little joke involving Doc Tofu and Kasumi yesterday," Ryoga growled. "How does it feel to know how much pain that lovesick idiot inflicted on me because of you?"
Ranma looked guilty. "I-I'm sorry... ouch..." He rubbed his back. Or Ryoga's back. Well, it was Ryoga's back but now it was his. Man, this was confusing. He stood up and wrapped a towel around himself. "I can't take this. Keep still, I'm going to knock our heads together. If that doesn't work, maybe Doctor Tofu can help." He rolled his shoulders painfully. I am never going to wish Kasumi love pain on anyone ever again!
Ryoga nodded and waited. A little nagging thought started poking for attention. Uh... Ryoga, I don't wanna disturb you or anything, but don't you love Akane?
Umm.... yes? Why?
Ranma got ready to charge.
Who's Akane engaged to?
"Ranma.
Ranma ran forward, head lowered to meet Ryoga's.
Uh... who's body are you currently wearing?
Ra... oh. OH! Ryoga moved to the side and Ranma found himself headbutting ceramic tiles.
"OW!" He glared at Ryoga, who was sporting a big grin. "Whatcha do that for, you lughead?!!"
"I'm engaged to Akane." The grin grew wider. "I'M engaged to AKANE!!!"
Ranma's eyes widened. "Uh... Ryoga?"
Ryoga jumped out of the bath and pulled on Ranma's clothes. "Have fun Ranma! Don't make Ucchan too mad at you!"
Ranma watched him, incredulous as he stalked out of the room. Then he grinned. He'd soon find out that Akane was no bed of roses. And this body, damaged as it was, would let him get free meals from his two ex-fiancees. "Ucchan, Shampoo, edible food... here I come!!!"
End Part X
Final song - Just The Way You Are
====================
PART XI
More than just a pretty face.
====================
"Hey, Akane?" Ryoga turned a corner in search of her.
KAPOW
"Ouch." Embedded in the ground, he reached up and felt the outline of a mallet. Found her. Oh well, at least it didn't hurt as much as being clanged over the head with a giant metal spatula.
WHAM
"JERK!!!"
Well maybe it did. Ranma's body wasn't as tough as his own was. He sat up slowly and rubbed the back of his head. "Please don't do that," he pleaded.
Akane's eyes widened in surprise. Her calling Ranma a jerk was usually followed by him calling her an uncute tomboy, then her grinding him into the floor or sending across town via airmail. She looked at him closely ... he looked OK physically... Well, breakfast was getting colder by the minute. She grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to the kitchen. "Come on you. I made you breakfast."
This was followed by complete silence. Not good. Not good at all. Ranma made a point of ALWAYS criticizing her cooking. Him not criticizing her cooking was like Nabiki not charging for information or Kasumi getting angry. "Ranma, do you feel well?" she asked, turning to look at him.
Ryoga looked down to where she was holding his hand. He wouldn't have cared if she force fed him everything she'd ever 'cooked' as long as she kept holding his hand.
"Ranma?" Akane was worried now. Ryoga still didn't respond. She waved a hand in front of his eyes. "Ranma?" Well, Akane knew one way to wake him up. She picked up a plate and lifted a spoonful of the blue-green yellow-flecked substance she was fooled into believing was food and popped it into his mouth.
Ryoga changed his mind as he was forced to swallow whatever the stuff was. Definitely not one of her better attempts, he noted, eyes watering. He felt even worse than he had in his own body!! "W-wa-water..." he gasped, groping frantically for the table. The next thing he knew, it had slammed him in the back of the head.
Ranma hummed to himself as he wandered in search of Ucchan's okonomiyaki. Luckily, he still had his own sense of direction, even though he was wearing the lost boy's body. He made a note of his plans for the day. 1, get food from Ucchan. 2, get food from Shampoo. 3, muck up that idiot Ryoga's life by flirting outrageously with every girl he could find and 4, get his own body back and leave Ryoga to face an angry Ucchan and Shampoo. That sounded good to him. Who knows what Ryoga was doing with his own body?
A little part of his mind paged him for attention, then whispered how nice it would be if Ryoga could just decrease the level of hostility Akane usually used against him. After all, that would definitely be what Ryoga was trying to do if he was going to be engaged to the girl of his dreams. Then when he got his own body back... then maybe... just maybe they could make things work out. He hated to admit it, but if he was going to be stuck with just one violent fiancee, Akane was probably the one he would've chosen
However, if Ryoga made Akane more friendly towards him, then shouldn't he be helping Ryoga? Besides, what if they couldn't get their own bodies back? He'd be stuck in this body forever! Time for plan 2. Numbers 3 and 4 are revised to 3, decrease the level of hostility Ucchan has started using against Ryoga and 4, get his own body back. Then him and Akane would be happy because they weren't fighting, and Ryoga and Ukyo would be happy because they weren't fighting. Ranma had often wondered lately why his two best friends didn't stop fighting each other and admit there was an attraction there. Ah well. Ranma could always charm Ukyo. Then Ryoga would have a happy fiancee when he got back, and hopefully, so would he. Everything would be settled.
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
Ranma dodged the eggs flying his way and landed on a brick wall. Of course, there would always be good old Mousse to fight every now and then. He smirked arrogantly. He was still Ranma Saotome. And Ranma Saotome never loses.
"Ow... ow...ow..." Ryoga marked each step down the hall with a small 'ow' of pain. Akane had smashed him over the head with a table. And he hadn't done anything to deserve it! Sure, he knew she could be short tempered sometimes, and a leeeeeetal over- reactive.... maybe Ranma didn't always start the fights. If I wanted to be smashed over the head, I'd go back to Ucchan's! he grumbled inwardly. Akane was usually so nice to him! Well, I guess I'd better go do something Ranma never does. And one thing he knew she wished Ranma would do - was apologize. "Ow... ow...ow..."
Finally he was standing outside Akane's room, looking at the duck name-plate. He raised a hand cautiously. Well... here goes nothing..." He knocked.
After what felt like an eternity of waiting, the door finally opened. "Ranma. What do you want?" Akane growled, poised to slam the door in his face.
Ryoga gulped. Akane and her mallet were a scary couple. "I-I just wanted to say... I'mshry..." he mumbled, looking at the floor.
Akane looked puzzled. "What did you say, Ranma?"
Ranma. That was his name for now, he'd have to remember that. "I-I said... I'm sorry. F- for not eating the breakfast you made for me." He kept his gaze locked on the floor. If she booted him through the roof, he'd try and switch back with Ranma, then never comment on her cooking. Ever.
Akane was stunned. "W-w-what?" She blinked a little. "Y-you mean that?!" Ranma and humility were a rare mixture. Then again, she didn't know it wasn't Ranma in front of her.
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah." He was hit by inspiration. "Hey, Akane, why don't we make some cookies together?" Pleasedon'thitme,pleasepleaseplease!!!! He decided he was developing a phobia to being hit. If she pulled that mallet out, he was going to run. At least Akane was predictable. She'd usually shout RANMA, YOU JERK!!!!, which was an obvious give away that the mallet was about to make an appearance. With Ukyo it was just, 'Hi' CLANG with no warning.
Akane blinked for a second, doing the goldfish impression, before smiling at Ryoga happily. "You're offering to cook with me?"
"Y-yeah."
Big grin. "OK then."
Ryoga was happy for a record breaking 2 seconds (Now, is that sarcasm or serious? Take your pick!) before Akane brought him back down to earth with one word.
"Ranma."
That was almost too easy, Ranma though with a smirk, walking towards Ucchan's. With his skill and the phenomenal strength Ryoga's body possessed, maybe things wouldn't be so bad. If only he didn't hurt so much. If I'm going to be stuck in Ryoga's body for any more time, I'm going to have to go back to Doc Tofu's and get something! He was never ever going to push anyone into a room occupied by Doctor Tofu and Kasumi ever again. Plus, this claw guy had really torn up his side. He should've known it would take some real work to bring Ryoga to his knees.
He slid open the door to Ucchan's and licked his lips in anticipation of an edible breakfast.
CLANG
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, PERVERT?!!!!!"
"Ouch..." Jeez! Ucchan could really swing hard with that thing!!! He slowly climbed to his feet, trying to get his bearings.
CLANG
"Don't ignore me!!!"
Ranma climbed back to his feet painfully. "Ow... Ucchan, please could you not hit me with that thing for a while? I'm in kinda a lot of pain."
Ukyo looked concerned. "Really?"
"Mm hmm."
She darted forward and poked him. "Like here?"
"OW!"
"And here?"
"STOP IT!!!!"
"And here? Here?"
Then she made the mistake of poking him where the bonbori had struck. Ranma's eyes widened in pain and he collapsed on the floor. "AHHHH!!!! OWWWWW!!!!! THAT HURTS!!!!!!"
Ukyo's fake concern melted into real concern. "Uh.......... Ryoga? Are you all right?"
"No." Ranma hadn't felt this much pain since he'd attempted to eat one of Akane's more creative creations. You'd have figured he'd be wary of it when it started to wriggle off his fork, but he'd eaten it anyway. "I feel like someone's ripping me in half," he muttered, trying to pull himself back to his feet. He guiltily remembered poking Ryoga there yesterday, and had laughed at him when he cried out. Who would think with a rake-head could do so much damage? he wondered. Looking down he could see blood beginning to stain the shirt he was wearing where the stitches had broken again.
Ukyo narrowed her eyes. "OK. I'm going to close the restaurant for the rest of the day and call Doctor Tofu. Kasumi isn't likely to turn up here." She pointed a finger at him. "You, go upstairs and rest." She stood poised, battle spatula at the ready to whack his lights out if he even thought about arguing with her, as he was ...
"OK Ucchan."
... certain to do. "What?" Ukyo blinked a few times. "What did you say?!!"
Ranma smiled at her. "Hey, I'm agreeing with you here!!" He leaned on the counter for support.
Ukyo looked flustered. Ryoga always argued with her, insisting that he didn't need any help and generally being stubborn. If he was agreeing this easily.... she began to feel a bit guilty about kicking him through the roof.
And the smile. Ryoga almost never smiled, not at her. He'd smiled at Aiko a lot, but since she'd died, cheerful, natural smiles were rare, few and far between. And wow, did they make him look cute!
After a few moments of the goldfish impression (My my. Everyone's an expert.) she finally became aware of a hand waving in front of her face. "What?! What?!" she blustered, trying to hide the blush creeping onto her face.
"You were just staring into space. Are you all right?" Ranma looked curiously at her.
Ukyo laughed a little. "I'm fine. Now go! Go rest!"
Ryoga slowly backed away from the bowl, with a knife in his hand. "On the count of three, mash it. 1, 2, 3!"
Akane whipped out her mallet, ran forward and whacked a number of flaming tentacles, before retreating. Ryoga moved in and began hacking at the monstrosity. Once again, the creature retreated to the depths of the soggy mixture sitting in the bowl, with bubbling blooping sucking noises. Ryoga cautiously poked it with the knife. "Think we got it?"
"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYMAAAAASTEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" With a roar, tentacles exploded out of the bowl and wrapped themselves around him. Ryoga freaked. "AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! GETITOFF!!!!! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, trying to fight his way free.
Akane looked at it carefully. "I think it needs a little more salt." Calmly, she picked up the salt shaker and emptied the contents into the bowl. The creature instantly vanished and Ryoga fell to the ground. He immediately armed himself with an even vaster quantity of cutlery, just in case...
Akane picked up a large wooden spoon and began mixing cheerfully. "I knew that would do the trick!" she exclaimed gleefully.
Ryoga thought for a second, trying to search for words that wouldn't have him flying through the ceiling. How did she do it? He could see half of the stuff she added before his view was obscured by flour, but how could her cooking move? Attack him? And her be totally unfazed?!!! He was on mallet guard. "Uh... Akane, can give you a little tip?"
Akane narrowed her eyes. "OK then Ranma. Shoot."
"Now please don't take this the wrong way or anything, I mean it nicely, so please don't hit me again..."
"Ranma, you're babbling." Akane crossed her arms. "Tip."
Ryoga took a deep breath. "When the food starts to move on it's own, the best thing to do is to start again. Really."
Akane considered this for a moment, along with whether she should mallet him for daring to give her a tip. After a while, she decided to let him live. He hadn't insulted her (unusual), he'd asked before giving her advice, (very unusual) and the advice did give seemed to make sense. (as unusual as frogs appearing on the moon.) Food should be alive in presentation, not alive and trying to set up home in the kitchen. She tipped the bowl full of ....stuff into the dustbin, before starting again. "OK. 1 cup sugar...."
Ryoga's eyes widened as he saw her reach for washing powder. "STOP!"
Akane whipped out the mallet and advanced on him menacingly. "What, Ranma?"
I really don't like that mallet, Ryoga thought. He laughed nervously. "Umm, Akane, you know I'm only trying to help," he explained. He reached over and gently removed the box of washing powder from her grasp. "We have all the time we want, so before you add something, check to make sure it really is what you think it is."
Akane looked at the box and sighed. "Yes Ranma." Ranma was actually handing out good advice. There was definitely something wrong here. Oh well. Maybe it was just the effects of her unsuccessful attempt at breakfast. If only she hadn't thrown it away.... ah well. Besides, this new Ranma filled with good advice kinda spooked her.
Ryoga continued with his advice. "How about, I gather all the ingredients and put them in front of you? And you promise not to use anything else but those ingredients?"
"OK Ranma." After a moment, Akane tipped a bag of flour into the bowl and made a solemn vow to make the best cookies in the world.
Well, best edible cookies she possibly could. And Ranma could be her guinea pig.
End part XI
Final song - The Strangest Thing
=============
PART XII
Hubble Bubble
Double Trouble.
=============
"Hey Ucchan, how about some more of that soup?"
Ranma gave Ukyo that incredible grin again and she turned away, momentarily flustered. "I-I ah... yeah, sure thing, Ryoga," she mumbled, rushing out of the room.
With a little giggle, Ranma turned the radio up a little. This was nice, being fussed over. He didn't often get a chance to relax, without various people (i.e.: MARTIAL ARTISTS!!!!!!!!!!!) disturbing the peace. He could really get used to this.... Stop thinking along those lines. NOW! he told himself sternly. No matter how much fun this was, he intended to get his own body back before either Ukyo or Akane got suspicious. He could try and talk rationally to Ryoga and show him that if he stopped being so stubborn about letting Ucchan help him, she wasn't as violent with the spatula. Very hopefully, Ryoga would be able to tell him how to stop Akane getting so fond of mallet- smashing him. At the least, after a little time dealing with Akane's cooking, Happosai's water splashing tendencies, Mr Tendo's weepy fits and my Pop, he probably won't be quite as eager to fight over Akane. Not that he liked the dumb tomboy or anything, but with no (OK then, a little) interference from his ex-fiancees, it would've been nice if he still didn't have Ryoga and Kuno to deal with. Not that she knows Ryoga likes - liked her. He grinned at Ukyo again as she came in, causing her to blush again. "Thanks, Ucchan. You're a great cook!"
Ukyo blinked and sent him a suspicious look. "Do you feel well?"
"Can't I compliment my own fiancee once in while?" Ranma replied with another grin. Careful, don't want to be too out of character or she'll suspect.
Ukyo flushed and looked at floor, unsure of how to respond. However, a god (of some sort) was smiling down on her. Maybe laughing maniacally at the chaos they were stirring up, but smiling never the less.
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!!!"
Ranma side-stepped the dustbin and prepared to attack it. Unfortunately, that was the moment that the Neriman Aquatransformable Water Law sprung into action.
205: Neriman Aquatransformable Water Law.
1. The worst possible type of water must only strike those Jusenkyo cursed and at the 2. worst possible times. Preferably at a rate of about 17 times an hour. E.g. : It will always rain very suddenly, without warning on a previously very sunny day, just when persons who are better off not knowing of your cursed form are present. This is nothing to do with Luck, Fate or Destiny, (who all get annoyed when they're blamed) but was created by the almighty Takahashi goddess who created many other cosmic laws to upset logic.
Ranma ran forward.
SPLASH
Ranma-chan instantly tripped over her ludicrously large trousers and found herself nose first on the floor. Tsubasa took the moment to, as said, kick 'em while they're down. And that bandaged part looked very vulnerable.
WHACK
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH!!!!!!!!"
Outside, a mother tutted and removed the water pistol from her sons grasp. "How many times have I told you not to squirt that thing through peoples windows?!!" she scolded angrily.
Ukyo had finally had enough. "TSU...BA...SAAAAA......"
The dustbin turned to her and sprouted a head. Tsubasa grinned. "Ukyo, darling! I've defeated this hounder, let's go on a date!"
Ukyo flared and reached for her spatula. "He's my FIANCE you idiot!!!!!"
Tsubasa blinked. "Uh oh."
CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG CLANG
Ukyo ended by sending him flying through the window and into orbit. Then she ran over to Ranma-chan's side. "Ryoga, are you OK?"
"No," Ranma-chan whimpered. I want to crawl under a rock and die.
"What hurts?"
"My pride." She carefully climbed to her knees and sighed. "You didn't have to do that, really."
"I SAVE YOUR ASS AND THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME?!!!!!"
Oops. Ranma-chan backed away hurriedly. "No! Um, thanks, really! It's just..."
CLANG
Ryoga looked at the cookie dubiously. It looked relatively normal, but that was hardly any consolation. Akane fixed him with her best menacing glare. "Eat it, Ranma." The mallet appeared in her grasp. "Now."
Ryoga sighed. "I'm eating it, I'm eating it." He sniffed it. It smelled normal enough. But this was Akane who'd cooked it. True, wandering around the world and entering countries with very strange eating habits had helped him to work up the nerve to eat almost anything that wasn't currently trying to wriggle off his fork, but she'd created new life forms, for pete's sake! Even when he'd lined up all the ingredients in a row! Creatures with glowing eyes and big teeth and a big appetite to match. And there's nothing quite like giant slug-like creatures chasing around the kitchen to make you lose your appetite.
"Eat."
"In a moment." Ryoga wondered whether it would hurt more to eat the cookie or let her hit him. He eyed the cookie again. A few minutes ago this thing grabbed me by the ankle and tripped me over. With that thought in mind, he quickly decided on the latter. At least Ucchan's cooking never hurts me. Only her. He tried to think of a way to refuse the cookie without getting too hurt. It was difficult. "Uh, Akane?"
"Yes, Ranma?"
This is going to hurt! It was that or eat the cookie. "Why don't you try one first?"
KABLAM
"RANMA YOU JERK!!!!!" Akane glared after his flying form then started to cry. I made those just for you! A thump from outside yanked her out of her small bout of self pity. "Ryoga?"
Ranma-chan gave a small moan of pain and sat up. "Hi Akane.... Akane!" She jumped to her feet. "What's the matter?!!"
Akane sniffled. "It's nothing much."
Ranma-chan narrowed her eyes. "Was it R...Ranma?"
Tears welled up in Akane's eyes again. "He was being nice, but then he was mean about my cooking..." She buried her head in her hands. "Doesn't he realize I'm cooking for him? Because I care about him?" She looked up at Ranma-chan. "I just want to be a good wife. Is that too much to ask?"
"I...uh... well, I..." Absently, she toyed with her bandanna. She cares about me?!! But if Ryoga can't make her happy as me, what chance do I have? She paused. Then again, I didn't really much of a difference to Ucchan..." She paused for a while longer. What am I thinking? He made Akane cry, now he dies!!! "Ry...Ranma! Prepare to die!!"
Akane quickly grabbed the back of her shirt. "That's OK Ryoga. Why don't I take you back to Ukyo's now?"
"U-Ucchans?" Ranma-chan began sweating profusely. But she hates me! She'll beat me up again and I hurt all over already! "N-n-no, that's all right. I'll just..."
"Come on." Akane grabbed her by the wrist and dragged the protesting Ranma-chan along the pavement. "Ukyo will be missing you."
Yeah. She'll have no-one to target practice on. Ranma-chan could hardly believe that her best friend could be so violent to her other sort-of friend. I guess Ryoga doesn't exaggerate as much as I thought. Well, at least Ukyo couldn't bludgeon hi...her here.
CRASH
Ranma-chan pushed the large dustbin off herself and kicked it back into orbit with a growl. "Someone up there really hates me and is laughing right now."
Akane laughed. "Silly."
"AKANE TENDO!! BANDANNAED GIRL!! I WOULD DATE WITH THEE BOTH!!!"
"You could have a point, actually."
Ryoga crash landed outside Ucchans, leaving a small crater in the pavement. Why do I seem to be spending my entire day riding the air currents between here and the Tendo Dojo? And when did Akane become so over-reactive?!! he grumbled inwardly as he scrambled to his feet. A particular dustbin slammed into him, knocking him over again, then it climbed to it's feet, (Feet?!!) and wailed, "Fear not, my darling Ukyo-megami, I'll get rid of this Ryoga person who's been hounding you... oh, hi Ranma."
"TSUBASA, GET LOST!!!!"
CLANG
Ryoga was pleasantly surprised when the rush of air and metallic clang were not followed by a long headache and a short trip via airmail across Tokyo. Well, they were, but not for him, which was nice. He was even more pleasantly surprised to have Ukyo drag him back inside the restaurant after greeting him with a quick hug and not a quick swing of the spatula. (Sensing any underlying paranoia about the spatula yet?) Then he spotted her red eyes. "Ucchan? Are you all right?"
Ukyo sniffed. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Hey, Ranchan, wanna okonomiyaki?" she said, quickly changing the subject.
Ryoga frowned. "Tell me what's wrong. Really." Then he remembered he was supposed to be Ranma, and quickly gave her a (hopefully) convincing grin. "Over okonomiyaki."
Bunny looked at her reflection and burst into tears again. Mina sighed and rubbed her temples. "Bunny, your hair looks fine."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!! Darian's never going to look at me agaaaaaaaaain!!!!!" Fresh tears spouted from the blond girls eyes.
Luna sighed and pretended she wasn't there. Mina hugged her friend and handed her numerous pieces of tissue. "Honest, it looks fine..."
The sobs increased in pitch as Bunny buried her head in her arms. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOOK AWWWWWWFUL!!!!!"
Raye growled at her. "Bunny, please shut up before I seal your mouth up with a ward."
Mina had a sudden brainwave. "Let's go boywatching!"
"B-but my hair..."
"That way we'll get a second opinion," Mina pointed out. "Maybe even a spare boyfriend."
Bunny smiled slightly. "That Magical Guy Makoto was very cute though."
Mina nodded in agreement. "Next time I meet him, I'm going to have to thank him for saving my life."
"He saved everybody's lives," Raye reminded them in a bored voice. "Honestly, you lot are just boy mad."
"I just wanna thank him!" Mina protested.
Bunny glanced at her blue haired friend who was sitting nearby. "Hey, Amy, get any info on him?"
Amy nodded. "It's not much info, though. As little as there was of Sailor V."
Mina grinned. "Best way to not get caught."
Amy ignored her. "Him and his sister, Ryoko, appeared quite recently battling against a new outbreak of demons in the area of Nerima."
"What's so special about Nerima?" asked Lita, doodling little love hearts around pictures of the Backstreet Boys, Matt Le Blanc and Magical Guy Makoto that were pasted to her exercise book.
"It has an obnoxiously large martial artist population."
"He's just such a stubborn jackass," Ukyo grumbled to Ryoga, who was fighting to eat all of the okonomiyaki she was churning out. "I'm only trying to help the guy and he throws it all back at me. I don't know why I bother sometimes. The jerk just doesn't appreciate me."
Ryoga managed to clear his mouth long enough to blurt out "that's not true!" before another tower of okonomiyaki was placed in front of him. Yikes! How does Ranma eat all of this?!!
Ranma-chan proved how twenty seconds later when she bounced into the restaurant and wolfed down the okonomiyaki mountain before getting clouted over the head by Ukyo. "OW!"
"That's Ranchan's, you jackass!" Ukyo yelled, peeling the spatula from her skull.
"Sorry," Ranma-chan groaned. Ryoga nudged her with his foot. "Wimp."
WHAM
"STOP PICKING ON RYOGA!!!!" Akane yelled, putting her trusty mallet back into whatever dimensional pocket it came from. Probably the same place as her cooking, actually.
Ranma-chan allowed herself a small snigger as Ryoga found himself embedded in the grill until the metal spatula of doom whacked her over the back of the head. "Don't laugh at Ranchan!" Ukyo growled. "And go get some hot water or something, you pervert."
"M'not a pervert," Ranma-chan muttered under her breath, heading for the kitchen.
"What did you say?!" Ukyo snarled.
"Nothing!" Ranma-chan scuttled into the kitchen and waited for the kettle to boil. Argh! I can't take much more of this! There has to be a way to may Ucchan stop beating me up! She's more violent than Akane!!!
A piece of paper on the kitchen counter caught her eye. Curious, Ranma-chan picked it up and scanned it. Congratulations Mr Hibiki, you have won two movie passes. Valid until the end of the month. She narrowed her eyes. I'll bet he was planning to ask Akane.
poof
A small devil appeared on Ranma-chan's shoulder. "You're in Ryoga's body so ask Ucchan to go with you!"
poof
An angel appeared on Ranma-chan's other shoulder. "You shouldn't - it's not yours."
"That has to be one of he most pathetic argument's you've come up with," the little devil snarled. Then he grinned. "Besides, we're doing lost boy a favour."
The angel crossed his arms. "Explain."
"We will be breaking the ice for those two, Ucchan will stop beating him up and they'll be out of me and Akane's way." He smirked.
The angel blinked. "You've twisted it. I don't know how you did it, but you twisted it."
poof
poof
Ranma-chan grinned and picked up the kettle. Thank you, voice of inner reasoning! Pausing only to run upstairs and grab a new change of clothing, Ranma raced back into the main part of the restaurant. "Hey, Ucchan?"
"Hmm?" Ukyo spared him a glance.
"Wanna go to the cinema with me tonight?" Three totally shocked faces started at him until the one belonging to Ukyo managed to stammer out, "W-wha... you mean, like on a d-date?!"
Ranma grinned. "Yeah. I got free movie passes."
Ukyo attempted thinking. Her brain returned the request with an error message and advised her to wait a few moments longer before trying again. Ryoga's asking me on a date? What do I do?! She tried to concentrate on the part of her mind screaming 'Ranchan! What about Ranchan?! You love Ranchan! Say no!' but for some reason it kept getting drowned out by the part saying 'Ranma dumped you, remember? He's not your fiance, Ryoga is. It's not like you'd be doing anything wrong, and besides, he's not that bad. It's only one little date...' "Tonight?" she asked, stalling for time.
Ranma nodded. "I thought we could see 'Rush Hour' or something."
He grinned again, and Ukyo felt her resolve weakening. "R-Rush Hour?"
"Yeah. But we can go see something else if you want to." Suddenly, Ryoga leaned forward, knocking a glass of water over him. "Hey! I just changed back!"
"Sorry," Ryoga lied. "Let's go boil the kettle again." He dragged Ranma-chan over to the kitchen and shut the door before whirling around to face her. "What on earth are you doing?!!!" he hissed.
"Waiting for the kettle to boil," Ranma-chan said innocently.
"You know what I mean!" Ryoga glared at her. "I mean this date thing!"
"I'm just asking my fiancee out on a date. Whassa matter, P-Chan?" Ranma-chan teased. "Jealous?"
Ryoga fumed. "I am not jealous! You can keep her for all I care!" He paused and rewound her statement back through his memory to the beginning. Asking my fiancee out on a date... I'm Akane's fiance now... He turned and walked out of the room with a widening grin on his face. "Akane?"
Akane looked at him. "Yes Ranma?"
Ryoga took a deep breath. "Ra.. Ryoga was just saying how much fun it would be if we double dated with him and Ucchan tonight. How about it?" If she say's no, that mean's I have a chance when I get back into my own body. And if she says yes... Well if she said yes, he'd never let Ranma have his body back!
Akane looked at him in total amazement before a smile appeared on her face. "OK, Ranma." She glanced at Ukyo. "Is that OK with you, Ukyo?"
Ukyo still had a look of shock on her face as she slowly nodded. "Yeah..."
Ranma ran out of the kitchen to Ryoga's side, still clutching the kettle. "What?!! What's going on?!"
Ryoga gave him a wide grin and opened his mouth to gloat. "..."
"Hi there!"
Ranma screamed and dropped the kettle on the floor as Skuld popped out of it with a grin. "Sorry I took so long, Mister Bug Zapper broke down and I had to repai..." She trailed off and looked from Ranma to Ryoga then back again. Then, without warning, she grabbed them by the hair and knocked their heads together.
"OW!" Ryoga yelped.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!!!!" Ranma rubbed the back of his head, then stopped as a familiar pigtail brushed against his hand. "What?"
"Feeling... more yourself?" Skuld asked with a grin. She picked up her long handled mallet from the floor and tucked it back into it's holder. "Shouldn't happen again."
Ryoga jumped to his feet. "I need a mirror.." he mumbled, looking around before exiting the room. Ranma and Skuld ran after him to see him gloomily examining his reflection. "Thanks a bunch, Skuld. You couldn't have waited until tomorrow, could you."
"What's the matter? What's so special about tomorrow?" Skuld was puzzled.
Ranma sniggered. "He has a date tonight. So do I, actually." He fluttered his fingers at Ryoga. "Thanks for that."
"RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!!" Ryoga jumped to his feet and ran towards Ranma, who merely dodged and poked him in the side. "OW!" He clutched his side with a groan. He glowered at Ranma. "Well, I'll let you live for now, but you'd better treat Akane right!"
"Relax. You'll be there too, won't you." Ranma patted him on the back. "Things'll be fine."
Later that evening.
"SPATULA GIRL, I KILL!!!!!"
"SHAMPOO, NO!"
"AKANE TENDO! THE BLUE THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGH SHALL SMITE THIS FIEND!!!"
KABLAM
"SHAMPOO, MY LOVE! RUN TO MY ARMS!!!"
POW
"UKYO, I LOVE YOU!"
"GET LOST, TSUBASA!!!!"
Ryoga glared at Ranma. "Things'll be fine, I believe you said."
Ranma glared back. "So I suck at fortune telling."
End Part XII
Final song - Nothing Lasts Forever
================
PART XIII
The eye of the storm.
================
"EEEEK!!!! PERVERT!!!!!" Shoko grabbed the shower rail and started beating the offending person, before stopping to examine him. "Magical Guy Makoto!!" She threw the rail over her shoulder and yanked Ryoga to his feet. "I'm sorry! Can I have your autograph? My friends will never believe this!!!"
Ryoga was thankful to a god others cursed for the fact that the girl had a towel wrapped around her. "Sorry, can't now, gotta job to do." He ran out of the room, only to be bopped over the head by an invisible mini-Skuld shouting "Not that way, this way!! Honestly, I thought I fixed your sense of direction!"
Shoko sighed happily. "What a dream..."
Her happy memory was disturbed by the arrival of a bona fide hentai leaping through her window with a cry of "Sweeto!"
"EEEEK!!!! PERVERT!!!!!"
Ryoga shook his head sadly and made his way to the roof. "So it's that squelching, squid- blob we're after?"
Skuld nodded. "I don't recognize it, but it's showing up on my scanners." The creature in question batted away the Hyperdoll flying towards it and stood on Sailor Jupiter. "I'll bet that hurt."
"Amazing how many super heroes in this city are female," Ryoga commented as Moldiver bounced off the creatures flesh with a audible boing. He flapped at a small, yellow butterfly and a small, localized rainstorm appeared over his head. "That's not funny." The rain turned to hail. With a growl, Ryoga-chan pointed her wand at the cloud and it faded out of existence.
"Stop moaning at the butterfly and kill the creature."
"Nag, nag, nag." Ryoga-chan bounced from building to building, almost crippling herself in her high heels, until she was directly above the monster. "HEY, SQUID!" The jellyfish thing looked up and almost passed out with a nosebleed. Ryoga-chan glowered at it. "PERVERT!!!!! CHAOS SHAN HIGH BLAST!" Eye of God and Star Trek pretty lights and sounds merged together and turned the squid-thing into enough fried calamari to feed the whole of Italy, Sicily included.
"Not bad," mini-Skuld commented. "You're getting better at this."
Ryoga-chan grinned a little. "Than...HEY!"
"HOTCHA!" Happosai glomped onto her leg.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!" Ryoga-chan smashed him over the head with the wand a few times and a small vial of water fell from his clothes. "What's this?" She bent down and picked it up. "Nyannichuan water?"
poof
A small devil appeared on her shoulder, scaring the hell out of mini-Skuld. "Pour it over him!"
poof
A small angel appeared on her other shoulder and mini-Skuld massaged her head. "Uh.... I've got nothing to protest here, pour it over him!!"
"That's for the curse and for Aiko," Ryoga-chan snarled, emptying the vial over Happosai's head before booting her into the sky.
A panting, red-haired woman ran onto the roof, followed by a handsome young man. "Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI," the woman barked.
Mulder ran forward. "Take me to Samantha."
"Samantha?" Ryoga-chan asked weakly.
Scully pushed him aside. "Does she look like a green, mutant turtle to you?" She turned to Ryoga-chan. "How did you defeat that monster? What is your involvement in the government, cover-up?"
"Uh..."
"Have you seen four, mutant turtle aliens anywhere around town?" Mulder asked, shoving Scully aside.
"No..." Ryoga-chan flapped irritably at the butterflies flapping around her head.
"Would you shut up about that?!" Scully snapped. "There's a perfectly rational explanation for them."
A snow storm appeared above Ryoga-chan's head.
"Aliens!"
"Genetically engineered creatures!"
The snow storm turned into a full blown blizzard and Ryoga-chan pointed her wand at it.
"Stop that!" She glanced at the two arguing agents before jumping off the roof with a shrug. "Very strange people around here."
Shampoo was annoyed. What was it all the guys saw in these violent brunettes anyway? Everything they could do, she could do better. But last night, with her own eyes, she'd seen not only Ranma and Akane out on a date, but Ryoga and Ukyo too. It wasn't fair! Maybe violent spatula girl bribe Ryoga into going on date... After all, that was a technique she'd used on several occasions to get Ranma to date with her. It was also a technique she wasn't going to use any more, as it had a tendency to backfire. Yes, spatula girl bribed Ryoga. Shampoo take him some nice ramen, show she forgive him. That would be a nice thing to do, after all. With a widening smile, she prepared a delivery.
"Shampoo, my love! Where are you going?" Mousse asked.
"Go away, Mousse." Shampoo blocked him out as background noise.
"But we had no orders..."
"Shampoo said go away." She walked past him and out of the door.
Mousse stared after her. "She's going to see him again? But why?! He doesn't love her! He is unfaithful to her!" Thunder crashed in the background as Mousse raised his fist high. "Hibiki, YOU SHALL PAY!!!" He flapped at the small butterfly fluttering nearby. "Go away." A small lightning bolt shot out of the thundering clouds and struck him on the end of his nose. "Ow!"
"Keep it down, Mr Part Time, you're disturbing my meditation," Cologne grumbled. She slammed the door before he could detect the opening theme to El Hazard on the television set.
Tsubasa walked into the okonomiyaki restaurant before taking a seat. Ryoga-chan wandered over to her. "Are you here to eat?"
Tsubasa nodded. "I'll have a special."
"The gods must be smiling on me," Ryoga-chan muttered, noting down the order.
"And I'd like to talk to you."
"With maniacal grins and voodoo dolls," she finished. "Is that talk as in talk, or talk as in attempted murder?"
"As in talk!" Tsubasa snapped. He sighed and leaned on the table. "I don't think darling Ukyo likes me."
Well duh." Ryoga-chan shot him a dubious look. "What gave it away?"
Tsubasa ignored her comment and continued. "What is it though? What did she see in Ranma? What does she see in you? I mean, I..."
"Wait a second!" Ryoga-chan held up a hand. "She doesn't see anything in me."
"She went on a date with you, remember."
Ryoga-chan groaned. "I'm trying to forget. Things were going so well until you and Mousse and Kuno and Shampoo turned up. I was having fun... she didn't hit me once."
Tsubasa glared at him. "You don't have to rub it in!" He sighed. "I know she's engaged to you, and I'd give up on her. But she's so cute and kind and smart and a great cook..."
"Whatever." Ryoga-chan tapped her pen on the notebook, trying not to think about Ukyo. Sure, Ucchan may be smart and c-cy-cute... but she's just so... She finally focused on the enraged teen in front of her.
"You don't like her?!!" A battle aura flared around Tsubasa as he jumped to his feet.
"No! I-I mean yes! I mean..."
"CHARGE!!!!"
"DON'T ATTACK MY STAFF!!!" Ryoga-chan sighed in relief as a giant spatula sent Tsubasa hurtling across the restaurant. Her relief was short lived as the spatula crashed down upon her skull. "AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T LIKE ME?!!!"
"I DO like you!" Ryoga-chan rubbed her head. "Those rare moments when you aren't trying to kill me, you can even be kinda kawaii. And I'm sorry the date didn't work out." She turned to walk away, but found her movement limited slightly by Ukyo's grip on the back of her uniform.
"What did you say?"
"I said... oh." Ryoga-chan paused and blushed. "I said that aloud? Hehehe ... umm... I've had my body taken over by an evil spirit doll? I've been hypnotized? Possessed by a demon?"
"That's not funny," Ukyo snapped, remembering the events of a few nights back. She turned Ryoga-chan to face her and smiled a little. "It's OK about the date."
Ryoga-chan looked at the floor. "I really am sorry. I didn't expect all those other people to turn up too."
"I said it's OK. Rush Hour's a popular film." She increased the radiance of her smile. "Better luck next time, yeah? Now back to work." She walked away quickly, leaving Ryoga-chan standing, slightly stunned in the center of the restaurant. Oh my god! Did I really say that?!!
"Nihao Ryoga, spatula girl!" Shampoo crashed through the doorway, flattening a few customers in the process. She walked over to the still-dazed Ryoga-chan with a grin. "You not get to eat ramen in hospital, I bring you some now."
She snapped out of her dream world and looked at Shampoo. "Oh. Thanks!"
"Is OK."
Mousse burst through the doorway. "SHAMPOO MY LOVE!" he wailed, glomping Tsubasa. "I'll save you!!"
"Who do you think you're calling Shampoo?!" Tsubasa growled.
"Sorry, miss." Mousse slipped his glasses back onto his nose. "HIBIKI?!! YOU DARE TO EAT THE FOOD OF MY DARLING SHAMPOO WHEN YOU FLAUNT AROUND WITH OTHER WOMEN?!!!" Weapons flew towards Ryoga-chan, who dropped her ramen in surprise. "YOU SHALL PAY!!!"
Kuno strode in. "My bandannaed goddess! My love for you shall conquer all!" He paused as a small, yellow butterfly alighted on his bokken. "Curse thee, winged traitor! You pass through my barriers unto the outside world and make thyself a public spectacle?" A hurricane wind ruffled his hair. "Ah, but the blue thunder of Furinkan high shall put thee back in thy place."
The lightning flashed through the blue sky outside and Ryoga-chan blinked in surprise. "Those butterflies... that's how you manage it!!!"
"Ignore me, would you?!!" Mousse snarled, running forward.
Tsubasa joined him. "Your time has finally come!!!"
"My darling! Jump into my arms and let us flee together!!"
Ryoga-chan squeezed her eyes shut and a butterfly landed on her shoulder. Her mind filled with chaos and all of a sudden, she knew how it was done... "ICE STORM!!" An icy wind hit the three boys head on, causing them to immediately turn tail and flee before they became replicas of Frosty the snowman.
Ukyo blinked a few times. "How in the WORLD did you learn how to do that?!!"
"Uh..." Ryoga-chan tried to think of a reasonable excuse other than 'I learnt it from the butterflies.'
Skuld jumped to her rescue. "I taught him how. Useful, eh?"
"Very." Ukyo and Shampoo nodded in agreement.
Nerima attracts some very strange people, Ryoga-chan reflected, looking out of the window to the street outside. It was true, alien activity was more than 50% above the average, and monsters and super heroes attacked the city more times than there are parts to Friday the 13th. Once, a cat had walked in, introduced itself as Salem and announced that he wanted a special and to rule the world.
She idly wondered why she didn't get her family to wire Mr Tendo the money and start wandering again when a white rabbit carrying a baby with a cigar in its mouth charged past her view, shouting "I'm late!" closely followed by a blond haired girl in a blue dress, only to get squashed by a house falling on her head.
Another girl exited the house and sighed. "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
Oh yeah. That's why. Whenever I leave the restaurant I get struck by lightning, trucks or grand piano's falling out of the sky. Very strange. Nobody lived above Ucchan's and Ryoga-chan couldn't figure out where on earth that piano had come from. Probably just an act of god to make sure I stick around to fight these weird demons. Ryoga-chan shook her head and handed two plates to the guys in front of her. One was very tall and very serious look, and was wearing a pair of sunglasses despite the localized areas of freak weather. The other one looked more her age and Ryoga-chan was slightly pleased that he wasn't spending all his time with his eyes glued to her chest. "Your orders."
"Thanks, babe," the boy said idly. He switched his attention back to the tall man. "You need more attitude still, if you're gonna pass."
"No sweat, Jon," he said seriously. "Chill."
Jon grinned. "That's better."
The man stood up. "The T1000 is in the area. We should leave."
"Oh Shit!!"
Ryoga-chan looked at them both. "Leaving so soon?"
Jon reached into his pocket and handed her a fistful of notes. "We'll take the food with us - it looks great. That should cover it." He grinned. "This is a nice little place."
The tall man nodded solemnly. "Come on, Jon." He paused and looked at Ryoga-chan. "I'll be back." They both roared away on a motorcycle.
Ryoga-chan looked at the handful of notes and her eyes widened. "Wow... what a tip!" She shrugged and began serving again. Eventually there was a lull in activity and she sat down at the counter with a groan. "I'm beat."
Ukyo sniggered. "I thought you were a big strong man. Cantcha handle a few hours waitressing?" she teased.
Ryoga-chan glared at her. "I'm a girl right now," she mumbled. "Besides, when you first hired me, I had three other people helping me."
Ukyo pondered that remark for a second. "You're right. Maybe I should hire some more help." She patted Ryoga-chan on the shoulder. "Howzat sound?"
"Like heaven." She stood up and stretched. "Please can I turn back to normal now?" she begged.
Ukyo thought about it for a moment before relenting. "OK. I'll close up now and get started on my homework."
Ryoga-chan gave her a big grin. "Thanks! I'm gonna change back and spar with Ranma." And then Skuld's gonna tell me how I'm learning other peoples techniques. There was no way she was going near Happosai or Cologne until she figured out how to stop it, otherwise she could end up having to steal underwear to get her strength. Not a happy prospect. But she wanted to try out some new tricks on Ranma. She turned her back on Ukyo, not noticing the chef's battle aura starting to glow. "It's been ages since I had a good fight."
Oh, so he doesn't think I'm good enough to fight him?!! Ukyo fumed. She tensed up, reaching for her spatula. "Ryoga, you JERK!" she howled, slamming the spatula into the ground where she'd been just a second before.
Except now, Ryoga-chan was a few feet away, with a big smirk on her face. "Nyah, you missed me," she taunted, wiggling her tongue at Ukyo. "Catch me if you caaaan!" With that, she raced up the stairs and into the bathroom, leaping through the mirror just before the spatula smashed down on the glass.
Ukyo stood panting in the bathroom. Stupid, hentai JERK! I can't believe I actually agreed to go out with him last night!! With a small sigh, she slumped down on the floor. (And I'm sorry the date didn't work out...) The words echoed through her mind. I guess... I was having fun until it all went wrong... she admitted to herself as she climbed back to her feet. (Y-y-you look really n-nice... wanna get some popcorn?) Expertly, she shoved the memory into the darkest corners of her mind, although for some reason, an image of Ryoga giving her an undeniably cute smile lingered in her minds eyes. She quickly replaced it with a picture of Ranma. Ranchan... not that idiot Ryoga. She looked at the mirror, beginning to fume all over again as she took in the fine spiderweb of cracks running through the glass. This is all Ryoga's fault! she decided, walking away. At least being mad at him helped block out the memory of him smiling at her. A little. I must be ill, thinking of him.
Ranma sighed happily and relaxed even lower into the hot water. "This is the life..." he murmured. After a few minutes of soaking, he reluctantly stood up and began to get dried and dressed before his father ate all the dinner again. He leaned forward to study his reflection in the mirror. He frowned. When did I get green eyes?! he wondered, then let out a yelp of terror as Ryoga-chan popped out of the mirror.
"Hey Ranma."
Ranma backed away, tripping over a bucket of cold water. She angrily flicked her red hair out of her eyes and glared. "What the hell are you tryna do, scare me to death?!!" she ranted.
Ryoga-chan thought for a second. "Original and effective. Maybe I should do that more often." She grinned slightly and landed on the floor. "Let's spar. We haven't had a good fight in ages."
Ranma-chan thought longingly of dinner. "Not now, Ryoga," she decided. After all, if I don't eat now, I may be forced to eat Akane's cooking again! She went to move past Ryoga-chan.
"Wait!" Ryoga-chan moved forward to block her path. "Come on, Ranma! What's the matter with you?!" She crossed her arms irritably. "What's the matter, scared I'll beat you?" she taunted. "Biii! Surely der big, bad Ranma Saotome isn't afwaid of widdle Ryoga-chan, is he?"
Ranma-chan turned a strange shade of purple. "Hey, you little...." She began, little crosses of annoyance appearing on her head. Then an image of Akane waving deadly weapons ... a mallet, and even worse, her home cooking, appeared in his mind. "Look, Ryoga, I'll fight you." She pushed past the smaller girl then turned to face her. "But not until after dinner, you got that?"
"You're no fun," Ryoga-chan mumbled under her breath as she followed Ranma-chan to the kitchen.
Kasumi looked at them both and smiled. "Oh my. Ryoga, would you like to stay for dinner too?"
"N-no, that's OK..." Ryoga-chan stuttered, laughing nervously. "I mean, I already ate."
"But you're a growing boy," Kasumi smiled, completely oblivious to the fact that her statement happened to be untrue at the moment. "You need all your food, right?"
"Uh...hehe..." Ryoga-chan scratched the back of her head. "No, really, that's OK. I don't want to be a nuisance..."
Ranma-chan shook her head and placed the kettle on to boil. Kasumi continued to smile sweetly. "Really, I insist."
Ryoga-chan gave up. "Thanks, Kasumi. That's really nice of you."
She sat down next to Akane, who turned and smiled at her. "Hello Ryoga. You and Ukyo got home safely last night, didn't you?"
Ryoga-chan blinked. "Well, uh.. yeah.. hehehe..." She scratched the back of her head again with another nervous laugh, and tried to concentrate on Akane's face. For some reason, she kept seeing Ukyo in her mind, smiling at her... (Hey, sugar, I'll go with you.. after all, if normal people get lost in cinema's, imagine what would happen to you...) She shook her head and tried to focus on Akane. I love Akane I love Akane I love Akane I love she repeated firmly in her mind, gritting her teeth and closing her eyes. Big mistake. The moment she closed her eyes, she was bombarded by the memory of Ukyo taking hold of his hand and walking with him to get some popcorn.
A hand rested lightly on her shoulder and Ryoga-chan almost jumped out of her skin. "Aaah!" She whipped around to come face to face with Akane.
"Uh.. Ryoga? Are you all right?" she asked in concern.
Ryoga-chan nodded numbly, a slight tingle running through her small frame. That was weird... she thought to herself. Then the thought was pushed aside by a more worrying issue. I was thinking of Ukyo while I'm here with Akane?!! She forcefully pushed the memory aside. She must have hit me harder than I thought, she decided dryly.
Ranma-chan picked up the kettle and poured it over her head. "Oh, that feels so good," he muttered cheerfully, before holding out the kettle to his best enemy. "How about it, Ryoga-chan? Wanna be a guy?" He grinned as the small girl winced in internal agony.
Ryoga-chan fixed him with a venomous glare. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" she hissed.
Ranma shrugged. "I lost count after seven hundred and thirty eight," he quipped, before shaking the kettle a little. "So? D'ya want it?"
Ryoga-chan looked down at her waitress outfit. "I don't suppose there are any of my other clothes here?" she asked hopefully.
"Nope. Sorry."
Ryoga-chan looked at Kasumi, who shook her head, before giving up with a sigh. "I guess I'd better stay like this then," she mumbled. "I guess I need to get used to fighting in this body too."
Ranma grinned. "Hey, that's great!" He patted her on the shoulder, an evil grin on his face. "Your girl side is totally hot, y'know. Can't wait." There was almost nothing Ranma liked better than winding up Ryoga. He was a master at it, as he continued to prove. "It's almost a pity you're not a real girl sometimes," he carried on, noting the battle aura flaring around the girl and the utterly pissed off expression on her face. With a huge smirk, he reached over and ruffled her hair. "You're cute when you're mad, y'know," he taunted.
The next thing that struck him was completely unexpected. Actually, it was a mallet.
"RANMA, YOU JERK!!!"
WHAMMO
Ranma reached up carefully and traced the mallet handle back to a hand and grabbed it. "Jeez, Akane, I was only... gah!"
The hand he was holding wasn't that of a certain young tomboy Tendo, but rather, that of a certain shocked bandannaed lost girl who was staring at the mallet with as much amazement as he was. "How did.. how ... h-h-how..." Ryoga-chan stuttered, staring at her hands.
Nabiki grinned. "Well, Akane, looks like you've been upstaged." She casually patted her sister on the arm. "Never mind, I'm sure you'll find a new trick to beat up Ranma with."
Soun Tendo appeared then, bawling his eyes out. (Boo hoo spat splat.) "NABIIIIIIIKI!!!!!! How can you ENCOURAGE them fighting?!!!!!!" He began to claw at his hair. "My BABIEEEEEEEE!!! Why must you fight with your fiance?!!!!!"
Ranma shrugged and looked at the still stunned Ryoga-chan. "We weren't fighting, Mr Tendo, we were talking about how Ryoga-chan here stole Akane's technique."
"I DIDN'T STEAL IT...." Ryoga-chan began, before Mr Tendo grabbed her by the arms and started shaking her.
"WHY?!!!! WHY I ASK YOU?!!!! I'M BEGGING YOU, GIVE MY BABY GIRL BACK HER TECHNIQUE!!!!!!!" he bawled.
Akane sighed. "Daddy, Ryoga didn't do anything wrong, he must have just worked out how I do it," she said lightly. Inwardly she frowned. Even she wasn't sure where the mallet came from. Oh well, she was sure it didn't matter. "Isn't that right, Ryoga?"
Ryoga-chan grasped the suggestion like a drowning man clutching a straw. "Oh, yeah, that's right, I mean, I've seen you use that thing, been on the receiving end a few times too, hehe..." She turned about thirty shades of red. Oh god, they're not buyin' it... what the hell is going on here... oh man, I just don't get this!!
"See? That's all." Akane smiled at her father, who still had tears pouring down his face. "Oh daddy, must you over react?"
Ryoga-chan blinked a few times. Wow... they're actually buying it! That was good. She didn't know how she was supposed to explain that she was learning techniques from anyone who touched her?
Ranma gave her a dubious look. "I think you're not telling us something, Miss Ryoga- chan."
Immediately, a demon head loomed over Ranma, with forked tongue, glowing eyes and fangs. "WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT?!!!!!!" Ryoga-chan roared. Then she realized exactly what she was doing. "Um..."
Ranma crossed his arms. "How did you do that?" he queried, looking closely at Ryoga- chan.
Ryoga-chan put on her best cute face. "Me? I guess I picked that one up from watching Mr Tendo do it to you all the time." She smiled sweetly. "Not scared, are you? Want to fight still?"
Ranma glared at her. "Sure thing! As if a few new moves could make you any better than me!!"
"In the training hall, boys," Nabiki called out. "Or should I say girl and boy?" She whipped out her camera for a few shots of Ryoga-chan in the waitress outfit. "Don't create too much damage!!"
Ranma grinned. There was one move certain to put Ryoga-chan out of it, no matter how many mallets she pulled. All he needed to do was make her mad. "Hey, Nabs, don't suppose you could make me copies of those photo's, could you?"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!" Akane jumped to her feet, waving a large mallet around.
Ranma glared at her. "Akane, don't butt in! This is a man to man fight!" He glanced at the seething Ryoga-chan again. "Although it looks like only one of us is a real man!"
"DIE, SAOTOME!!!!" OK, yeah, it was an outdated battlecry. But it was quick and straight to the point.
Ranma charged towards the training hall as the demon head loomed over him. "What's the matter, lady, can't take the heat?! You make a better girl than a guy, anyway!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!" Ryoga-chan roared, swinging a mallet which connected solidly with Ranma's skull, much to his surprise.
I forget... he's faster as a girl. Ranma straightened up and began taunting Ryoga-chan again, carefully leading her into a spiral. "I thought you said that battlecry was outdated? What's the matter, Ryoga-chan, something wrong? Why not stay a girl for the rest of your life and find a real man to marry?" He could feel the heat of the battle aura radiating from the girl. Boy, was Ryoga mad! Just a few more steps and he'd have the Hyruu Shoten Ha to end all. "I don't know why Ucchan decided to stick with you, when she had a real man like me around!"
Ryoga-chan seethed with anger and renewed her attack. "Get back here, you coward!" she raged, chasing after him. "Stop running away!"
The words clicked in her mind.
Ranma was... running away... running away in a spiral... Time seemed to slow down as she realized she was being drawn into the center of the spiral. Oh no! Not again! Not this time! (It's nothing more than a clash of temperatures.) She remembered helping Ranma train with Cologne - she'd been the first one Ranma had unleashed his greatest attack on. And she'd gotten herself mad enough to be blown a few miles at least. Unless.... she could cool herself down. She grinned. "ICE STORM!" Ranma's eyes widened as the cold air surrounded him, canceling out his twister. Then, before he could react, he was hit by a flurry of punches. He staggered backwards before regaining his composure. "H-how did you do that?!!" he whispered in awe. Ryoga-chan smirked. "That would be telling. Come on, Ranma. Fight me." She could do it this time. She could defeat him! Ranma grinned. "OK. For real. Winner takes all." He took a stance. "Let's go!"
Skuld glanced at the okonomiyaki chef as she worked through her katas with her giant spatula, before swinging at an imaginary foe, muttering under her breath. A grin appeared on Skuld's face as the words reached her ears.
"...Jerk! Pervert! Stubborn, stuck-up, pig-headed jackass!"
"He'll be back soon," Skuld called.
Ukyo jumped around, a red flush covering her features. "I couldn't care less where he is or what he's doing!" she growled. "Why should I care anyway?!" She whirled around again and started the kata, smooth and controlled. Her mind was in a state of chaos, though. She didn't understand what was happening to her. She loved Ranchan, she knew that. So why am I worried about that idiot jackass Ryoga? She sighed. Well, if there was a question that needed answering, there was just one thing to do.
Procrastinate.
Procrastinate like you've never procrastinated before.
Skuld smiled knowingly and looked at the small pill she'd been given by her sister, and held it up to the light. "Admit it. You like him."
"I DO NOT!!!" Ukyo screamed.
Skuld couldn't resist goading her a little more. "So how was your date last night? Have fun? Was Ryoga a gentleman? I hear he leapt to your defense pretty quickly when all out war broke loose."
Ukyo scowled. "I don't want to talk about it, so drop it."
Skuld relented. She genuinely liked the okonomiyaki chef and didn't want to spoil the friendship they were building. "OK." She looked at the pill again with a smile. Love potion number 9. Ryoga and Ukyo were her friends. They deserved a little happiness after all the recent mayhem and chaos. As a goddess, surely she could do that? Pride... it always gets in the way. Well, Urd, maybe your ideas aren't as far-fetched as I originally thought.
End Part XIII
Final Song - Another Day In Paradise
========================
PART XIV
Winner takes all!!!
Ranma Saotome never loses...
Or does he?
========================
Ranma could only wait in shocked amazement as the Katsu Tenshin Amaguriken attack hit him. I don't believe this! I'm losing... to Ryoga Hibiki of all people! Finally his air tour across the Dojo was ended by the wall. He struggled to his feet. "T-this is far from over!"
"Fine by me! You can be my guinea pig!" Ryoga-chan sped forward with a speed that defied description (OK, so I just can't be bothered to describe it - so sue me.) before hitting Ranma with her battle aura. Thank you, Mr Saotome... Flipping over his head, she turned to face him. "Done yet, Ranma?" she teased lightly.
I can't move!! Ranma thought, desperately trying to will his limbs to do what he wanted. How did he do that?!! I've only ever seen Pops and the old freak do that before!
"Ranma? What's wrong?" Ryoga-chan walked around him in a circle, slightly bemused. Is that technique really that good?!! "Why aren't you attacking? Have you given up?" She waved a hand in front of his face. "Stop kidding and fight me! I'm not done yet!" She stepped backwards. He can't be done... he always beats me! "Snap out of it!"
"R-Ryoga..." Ranma forced enough life in his arm to raise it a little. There is no way I will ever admit defeat to him! Especially not when he's a GIRL!!! "T-thank's for the little speech..." Talking became easier as he continued. "Really inspiring."
"Are you going to fight me or not?" Ryoga-chan stood ready. "I'm not going to attack when you're frozen like that."
"Oh, I'm gonna fight you, all right!" Ranma wiped his face. "And I will win! No matter what!"
Ryoga-chan gave him one of those irritated looks. "Not too cocky now, are we?" She shook her head. "I should've taken you out when you were frozen."
"Too late now! KATSU TENSHIN AMARGURIKEN REVISED!!!" Ranma started hitting at the wooden floor of the Dojo.
"Huh?" Ryoga-chan stepped backwards. "You just did this... OWOWOWOWOW!!!" Jumping away, she examined her arm in surprise. "Splinters?"
"Incredible!" shouted Soun, jumping to his feet. He grabbed a microphone from somewhere. "He's using the Chestnut Fist to turn the floor into splintered wood, hitting it at an angle so that the wood splinters fly through the air, striking his opponent!!! Truly, it is a marvel to behold!!!"
Genma beamed proudly. "That's why he's my son."
"Well, all I can say is, he'd better pay for the floor to be repaired." Soun brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Or OWOWOW!!! HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE AIMING!!!"
Ranma glanced at him. "Sorry." He smirked at Ryoga-chan. "Give up yet, little girl?"
"You have got to be kidding." Ryoga-chan smirked back. "I've got a new trick for you, too."
"Wha... ANOTHER?!!!"
"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!!!" Ryoga-chan struck the floor with her index finger. "Watch."
A loud rumbling noise filled the room. Ranma looked around nervously. "What's that noise?" A geyser erupting from the floor answered his question. "Whatcha do THAT for?!!"
"KATSU TENSHIN AMARGURIKEN AND ICE STORM REVISED!!!" Ryoga-chan jumped into the air at began striking at the water. Where her hands hit the water, they turned it into ice. Ice, which went hurtling towards Ranma in the form of icicles, icebergs and plain ice chunks.
"Wha.. hey! Ow! Ouch!" Ranma tried to dodge. Which worked for a while, until he slipped on the icy floor. Then he found himself hammered by ice shrapnel. "Quit it!"
"Amazing! He used the Ice Storm technique to turn the water into ice, which he used against Ranma with the Chestnut Fist!" cried Genma through a megaphone. (Neriman sound systems. I want one!!) "Are you sure you don't want him to marry one of your other daughters?"
"Oh no you don't!" Nabiki shouted. "Don't you go putting ideas in Daddy's head!"
Ryoga-chan walked over to where Ranma lay, using the weather techniques to melt the ice with each step. I-I don't believe this... I'm actually winning!!! She bowed her head slightly. "This is the reason I came to Nerima... finally, I can really do it!!! She looked down at Ranma. "Do you surrender?"
Ranma glared up at her. "No way, Hibiki!" He climbed unsteadily to his feet.
"Good." Ryoga-chan closed her eyes, recalling how the Chaos Butterflies manipulated the weather. She moved her hands, and the icy water from the geyser spiraled around her. "FINAL ATTACK!!! HYRUU SHOTEN HA REVISED!!!"
Ranma screamed.
Tsubasa looked at his reflection in the mirror. I didn't want to do this, Ukyo, but if that's what it takes to make you mine, I'll do it. He raised his fist high. "I'll do ANYTHING for you!!!" he cried, sun bursting in the background behind the tsunami waves. "Anything at all!!!"
As quickly as they appeared, the sun and the waves vanished and Tsubasa was surrounded by a murky blackness. "I-I'd even..." Tsubasa closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "Even ... kill for you."
The normal surroundings faded back into existence. "But today, let's just try..." He stuck his tongue out at the mirror. "Dressing as a guy."
Shampoo looked around the darkened restaurant. "We done, great-grandmother? Shampoo can go see Ryoga now, yes?"
Mousse growled and tightened his grip on his chopsticks.
Cologne nodded. "Are you sure you don't want to take a love potion with you? Just a weak one?"
"No thank you, Shampoo no trust love potions. Always backfire." Shampoo grinned. "I win Ryoga's love all on own."
The chopsticks snapped. I really, REALLY hate Hibiki now.
Demons. Ghouls. Things that go bump in the night. They attacked when you least expected it, when your guard was down, when you just thought it was safe outside. Merdith waited, biding her time, waiting for the guard to fall. She watched Ryoga-chan from the shadows, hatred and fear shown by darker shadows. She couldn't risk trying to take her - it would be too dangerous. She didn't dare take any risks, Percicus had done that and been defeated. She and Jodie were the last ones left. She had to wait, to find someone who she could use. She moved back into the darkest shadows again as the eldest Tendo daughter passed her, walking towards the telephone. Too weak. And too suspicious. She's no good.
Kasumi hung up the telephone and re-entered the wrecked Dojo. "The repairmen will be here soon, Father. Really, there's no need to cry." She looked at the hole in the ceiling. "Oh my. Hasn't Ranma landed yet?"
Genma shook his head. "That last move was.... Amazing!" He grabbed the microphone again. "He used the Heavenly Dragon Ascension Wave to.... do something." He looked at Ryoga-chan. "What did you do to Ranma?"
He has power... but he is still too weak. Another...
Ryoga-chan winced as she pulled another splinter out of her arm. "It's a secret." She jumped to her feet. "Where did Ranma go? Surely he should have landed by now..." She gasped. He must be on the roof or something, thinking of a way to defeat me! I'm doo..
CRASH
med. Ryoga-chan blinked. "Huh? Ranma?" She walked over to him and poked him with her toe. "Ranma? Are you OK? Did I win?"
Genma appeared by her side and looked at his son. "I think you won."
"What?!!" Ryoga-chan shook her head. "But the Takahashi goddess states that Ranma always wins!" She shook Ranma. "Hey, you! Wake up!"
Genma pushed her aside and grabbed Ranma by the collar. "WAKE UP, SON!!!!" He slapped him a few times. "The laws of reality are at stake! How dare you lose?!!!"
Akane pushed Genma aside. "Stop it, you're being ridiculous!" he looked at Ranma's unconscious body. "Let him rest."
Maybe. She has potential... and it would be fun to break him with the woman he holds so dear... Merdith thought about it for a little longer. It was an interesting idea, certainly. Let the girl sneak past his defenses and strike him where it hurt. She studied the situation for a moment, then paused. It wouldn't work - he was too shy, he'd push away anyone who tried to get close, and she didn't have the time or the patience to try and worm her way into his heart. Nah. She'd just have to try someone else...
Ryoga-chan shoved Genma aside again. "So I won?!! I really won?!!!"
Genma nodded solemnly. "That would appear so. Unless.." He grabbed Ranma by the collar again. "WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT!!!!"
"Mr Saotome!" Akane whacked him with her mallet. "Can't you see he's hurt?!!!"
"I... really won?!!!" Ryoga-chan stood dazed for a moment, before a huge grin appeared on her face. "YATTA!!!" She jumped into the air, Chun-Li style, bouncing up and down in glee. Happy flowers appeared around her. "I WON! I WON!!!" Tears streamed down her face. "This is the happiest day of my life!!!"
Soun shook his head. "It really means that much to him?"
Nabiki nodded. "You should've seen it when he first arrived here. The carnage was terri- WOAH! Put me DOWN!"
Ryoga-chan ignored her yells and spun her and Kasumi around. "I'm so happy!!! Hahahaa!!!"
"Ryoga, put me down or I'll puke!!"
"Oh my. I'm getting dizzy."
Akane watched Ryoga happily prance around the Dojo, with a slight smile on her face. In a way.. I'm happy for you, Ryoga. She looked down at Ranma and the smile faded. Poor Ranma...
Ranma groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "A-Akane?"
"Ranma, are you all right?" Akane asked in concern. "Do you want me to call Doctor Tofu?"
"With Kasumi here?! Are you crazy?!" Ranma sat up and rubbed the back of his head, looking around at the wreckage and Ryoga-chan merrily swinging his father around in the air. H-he won... I don't believe it...
Him! He's perfect! Merdith grinned and slipped forward for closer inspection. She should've known. Ranma Saotome, the lifelong rival of Ryoga Hibiki. There was the perfect excuse to attack, plus the added advantage that killing Hibiki in his body meant that the other women who chased relentlessly after him would be deterred somewhat, leaving the field clear for Kodachi. They'll die anyway... The thought sent ripples of pleasure through her. It was a long time since she'd killed someone. True, she often made attempts to kill Mr Lutz in his wife's body. She'd never succeeded. Oh yes, and she'd driven the DeFeo boy insane, to the point where he'd murdered his whole family, but she hadn't been there to help, to control him. But there was raw power in this town, power Kodachi had given them access to. I'll kill them all... but I'll kill Hibiki first."
Ryoga-chan caught sight of Ranma and ran over. "Ah! Ranma!"
GLOMP
"HEY! Get OFF me, you idiot!!" Ranma yelled. "You're hurting me!"
Ryoga-chan released her grip on Ranma and bounced around on her toes. "Sorry." She grinned happily. "Are you all right? I didn't know it'd be that good."
Ranma nodded. "I'll be fine... just how did you do all that?"
"Secret techniques." She bounced a few more times before gaining a little control. "Maybe I'll tell you another day." The perky grin grew even wider. "I'm going back to Ucchans now, see ya!" She waved cheerily before disappearing in search of a mirror.
Seeing her run off, Merdith moved forwards, waiting to pounce.
Genma waited for a moment before addressing his son. "So boy, what are you going to do?"
Ranma tried to think. On one hand, it was just so utterly humiliating that he, Ranma Saotome, had been defeated by Ryoga Hibiki - in female for and in front of an audience, no less! - that he just wanted to crawl into a hole and nurse his wounded ego before hunting him down and pounding him into the floor.
But on the other hand, there was a part of him that insisted he should just leave it. Maybe, just maybe, Ryoga would now finally stop hassling him and he could live in relative peace.
Yeah. Right. And pigs would fly.
Reaching out with long, ghostly fingers, she entered his mind.
Still, it seemed like a far more inviting prospect than hunting down the lost boy and challenging him to a rematch.
To a rematch? What a good idea...
The thought rose unbidden in Ranma's mind, and he shook his head, puzzled. But I don't want to fight him again. He has new power.
He humiliated you. In front of Akane.
But...
I'll give you the power. The raw energy he used against you, it's here. I'll give it to you. To use against him.
Ranma's eyes widened. "Who are you?"
"Ranma? Are you feeling all right?" Akane peered at him in worry.
He blinked in confusion. "Huh? Y-yeah, I'm fine..."
His tone lacked conviction as the silky voice whispered temptingly in his mind. I'm only trying to help you. I'm a friend.
"F-friend?"
Akane blinked. "I think maybe we should call Dr Tofu.
Don't speak. I can hear you if you just think. Merdith began to work her spell into Ranma. I want to help you fight him.
Fight... Ryoga? Ranma thought muzzily.
Yes. Just promise me you'll challenge him again. I'll teach you how to use the power against him and you can have your pride back.
It was so inviting... defeat Ryoga and get the title of Nerima's greatest martial artist back. Ranma felt his resolve melting. The owner of the voice would help him, teach him how to use that energy against Ryoga and win the battle. What is the energy?
Spiritual energy. Didn't you know? Nerima is the greatest source of pent-up spiritual energy in the universe. That's why strange things always happen here. Merdith was taking control and she knew it. Just a little nudge...
Very well. I'll challenge him again. Ranma jumped to his feet and walked out of the room, ignoring the stares of everyone around him.
Skuld looked up as Tsubasa and Shampoo entered the restaurant. "They're not here," she half-lied, pouring two cups of tea out. "Try again later." Just go away! She refrained from saying those words aloud, but hoped they'd take the hint. She couldn't have anyone else interfere.
Ukyo poked her head around the door frame. "Who's not here? Oh. It's you two." She forced a smile in their direction.
Skuld gritted her teeth. "Well, looks like Ukyo's here." There was a loud crash from upstairs and she winced. "And it sounds like Ryoga's back too." Wonderful. She quickly manoeuvred the tea over to another area and turned back in time to see Ryoga, back in his male form, run into the room with a huge grin on his face and sweep Ukyo into a big hug.
Four jaws fell in shock.
Skuld looked at the tea, then back to Ukyo and Ryoga. "Guess I don't need this any more," she muttered, placing the tray beside the grill and watching Ryoga swing Ukyo into the air, singing something in Greek. She glanced over at Shampoo and Tsubasa, who'd both slumped to their knees in shock, then back to the other two, still unable to believe her eyes. She sighed. You didn't have to be a technical genius to know that any second now, Ukyo was going to snap out of it and hit him. And when that happened, Shampoo and Tsubasa were going to snap out of it too and start attacking each other. Why can't the couples here be as simple and uncomplicated as Keiichi and Belldandy?
Shampoo resisted the urge to break down and cry. Spurned again. Here she was, one of the most powerful Amazons in her tribe and once again she'd been pushed aside in favour of a violent brunette tomboy. It not fair... she thought numbly. Shampoo work so hard... She clenched her fists in anger, before letting out a shaky sigh. The tea cups on the side caught her eye. Shampoo could do with drink... What the hell. She was depressed, she was spurned, she was entitled to steal other peoples tea.
Tsubasa took a few deep breaths and clenched his fists. Here he was, going to all the effort of dressing manly, and his darling Ukyo -HIS Ukyo - was in the arms of his hated rival. I'll kill him... I'LL KILL...
"Drink?" Shampoo held out the other teacup. "Is much good."
Tsubasa smiled faintly and took the cup from Shampoo. "Thanks."
Skuld finally noticed the materialization of the tea into Shampoo and Tsubasa's grasps a moment too late. Oh.... She quickly pulled a screen from RentaPortal (TM) in front of herself and the still-embracing couple who'd obviously somehow gotten hold of the TimeDrive from Lister and Rimmer and were operating in a different time zone. For now.
Shampoo looked at Tsubasa. Tsubasa looked at Shampoo. Somehow, their surroundings had been replaced by pink clouds and flowers in rolling meadow. (Meadows roll?) Neither of them noticed that the string quartet seemed rather out of place, they were too busy gazing into each others eyes.
Tsubasa looked in wonder at the beautiful Amazon in front of him. How had he ever even thought about chasing after Ukyo when there was this gorgeous woman here in Japan? "Shampoo..." he breathed lovingly.
Shampoo smiled happily at him. Right now, she couldn't have said "Ranma Saotome" or "Ryoga Hibiki" if someone had held up flashcards. Even in Chinese. How could she, when Tsubasa was giving her a look that turned her brain to the consistency of potato salad? "Oh, Tsubasa..."
Tsubasa and Shampoo never had been the shy, demure types when it came to proclaiming their affections.
A curse from Skuld finally brought Ukyo slowly back to reality. Sort of. Hastily blinking, she eventually realized she was being hugged. Not that it was a bad thing or anything, she quickly decided, a girl likes to feel appreciated every now and then. A nice, friendly hug was always a good ego boost and never failed to raise spirits. With a small smile, she looked up and assessed who was hugging her.
Black, spiky hair.
Green eyes.
All too familiar, black and yellow bandanna.
Ah. Ryoga. She was being hugged by Ryoga. Thankfully, there were no breasts at present. Closing her eyes, Ukyo leaned her head lightly against his chest.
Reality finally hit fully and her eyes snapped open. She was being hugged by her jackass fiance! "Ryoga Hibiki, you have five seconds to unhand me, before I start hurting you in interesting ways," she snarled through gritted teeth, her temper rising.
"Huh?" Ryoga eventually reached planet Earth and realized exactly what he was doing, and to who. "Eep!" He leapt away from her, face a fire engine red. "I'm sorry!! I-I didn't mean it like that - I-I mean I never.. I didn't..."
"Oh, so hugging me was bad, was it?!" Ukyo felt her hackles rising (Just what are hackles, anyway?) for some unknown reason.
"Well, believe me, it was just as unpleasant for me as it was for you!" Ryoga responded without thinking.
"You... you... JACKASS!!!!" The raging fire oni took over Ukyo's body and moved forward to turn Ryoga into mulch.
Skuld stepped in between them. "Would you guys cut it out? I'm trying to hear what they're saying," she hissed, peeping though a gap in the screens. Maybe Urd had given her a duff potion....
"Wo ai ni."
No such luck. So that's what she meant about them always, somehow, backfiring.
Ryoga and Ukyo silently called a temporary truce and cautiously peered around the edge of the screen. "O-oh my!" Ukyo blushed and covered her eyes.
THUMP No prizes for guessing who passed out with a nosebleed that would make Mt Etna proud.
"H-hey, this is a public building! Get a room!" Skuld scolded.
"Shampoo... will you marry me?" Tsubasa stopped kissing her long enough to actually phrase the question.
"Aiya! Is so more romantic than defeat in battle! Yes!"
GLOMP
The happy couple drifted away on cloud nine to the Cat Café, oblivious to everything around them, causing cars to swerve in near misses as they casually strolled into the middle of the road, hand in hand.
Skuld sighed slightly. "That's so sweet..."
"Were you," Ukyo inquired. "Responsible for that?"
Like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, Skuld froze. "Uh...."
Much to her amazement, a giant smile appeared on the chefs face. "You got Tsubasa out of my hair! How can I ever thank you?!"
The brunette goddess facefaulted.
End Part XIV
Final song - Against All Odds
=============
PART XV
Never say Never.
=============
All three were so different, Tatewaki Kuno noted, yet each so perfect. He sighed and flipped through his photo album, trying vainly to make a decision.
He stopped at one page and gazed adoringly at the photograph. The face of Akane Tendo looked back up at him. Dressed in a floral frock, she was frozen in frame as she cheerfully walking down the street, doing an errand for Kasumi. "Ah, Akane Tendo," he sighed happily. He flicked over to the next page and his gaze settled on the Pig-tailed girl. Dressed in her typical Chinese garb, she was caught in the midst of balancing on a fence as she dodged a panda. "The Pig-tailed girl..." His love for her was matched equally by his love, and he'd thought there was no room in his heart for another. With a sigh, he turned to the back pages, which were devoted entirely to photographs of the Bandannaed girl. He craved these photographs even more than the ones of Akane Tendo and the Pig-tailed girl, if only because of the fact that Nabiki seemed to have greater trouble obtaining them. He sighed with love as he gazed at her photographs, although a small part of him wondered why she almost always wore clothes which were far too large for her. Except for in his favourite photograph where she'd been wearing nothing but skimpy lingerie. Obviously too shy to show off her wares to him in person, she'd had Nabiki photograph her in it. "Ah... the Bandannaed girl." Aphrodite, Ariadne and Arachne. Three goddesses. Akane Tendo with her liquid brown eyes and short brown hair was as equally as beauteous as the Pigtailed girl with her sparkling blue eyes and long red hair, who was equally as beauteous as the Bandannaed girl with her deep green eyes and spiky black hair... "Each one is so different... HOWEVER SHALL I CHOOSE?!!!"
As usual, he reached his verdict and rushed out of the house to purchase three bouquets of roses.
SPLASH
Ryoga-chan sat up with a gasp. "Why do you always have to do that to me?" she griped, wringing out her black T-shirt.
"Because it works so well," Ukyo replied, pouring a waiting kettle over her head. When the transformation was complete, she hovered expectantly, nearby.
"Uh... do you want something?" Ryoga asked after a few moments of silence.
"Yeah." Ukyo moved in for the kill. "An explanation as to why you hugged me for starters."
"Um..." The crimson blush instantly appeared on his face again. "Evil genetic clone? Twin brother? Nabiki's blackmailing me?" Delighted as he was to have finally beaten Ranma in a fair fight, he decided Ukyo would probably be less than happy to hear that he'd knocked the tar out of her ex-fiance. Fortunately, he was saved from having to answer by the arrival of Ranma. Unfortunately, Ranma spilled the beans anyway. "Ryoga Hibiki, I challenge you to a re-match!" He pointed his finger at Ryoga. "I shall never accept your victory over me!"
Ukyo looked at them both in amazement. "You," she began, pointing to Ryoga, "won a fight against Ranchan?!" She finished by pointing at Ranma.
"You don't have to sound so surprised!" Ryoga snapped.
Ukyo sighed and turned to face Ranma. "Ranchan..." she began gently. "How much of Akane's cooking did you eat before he fought you?"
"Hey!"
Ranma shook his head. "None."
Ukyo paused in consideration. "Then you", she pointed to Ryoga. "Must have cheated!!!"
The demon head loomed over her. "I WON THAT CONTEST FAIR AND SQUARE!!!!!"
"EEEEEEEEK!!!!!"
Skuld appeared from the back room to see what all the commotion was about. "Could you keep it down a little, I'm trying to find a cure here!" she snapped.
Ranma grinned arrogantly at Ryoga. "I hereby challenge you to a rematch. One week from today at noon in the soccer field at school."
"What if I refuse?"
The quiet question threw Ranma for a second before he recovered. "What?"
"What if I refuse?" Ryoga settled down on a stool before continuing. "Your father and the Tendo's all saw us fight, they know I didn't cheat." He grinned. "If you accept your defeat, I won't mention it again. I'll even stop randomly attacking you." He paused for a second. "Except for when you mistreat Akane. How about it?"
"No!" Ranma crossed his arms. "This is a matter of honour!"
Skuld looked up and a look of confusion crossed her face as she looked at Ranma.
"What this is, is a matter of you not liking the fact that you're not invincible", Ryoga shot back angrily.
Merdith watched from the shadows and began to play with her puppet. Ranma smiled slowly. "You know, P-Chan..."
"Don't call me that!"
Ranma continued, ignoring the interruption and slowly walking over to Ryoga. "There's a certain Tendo girl who would pay large amounts of money to hear about a certain pet belonging to a certain other Tendo girl..."
Ryoga paled considerably. "Y-you wouldn't dare!" he stammered.
Skuld narrowed her eyes.
"Wouldn't I?" Ranma smiled sinisterly. "Do you really want to take the chance?"
"Ryoga..."
Ryoga ignored the suddenly agitated goddess. "Then I accept your challenge," he said quietly.
"Great!" The old, perky Ranma was back. "No backing out?"
"No backing out."
"Ryogaaaa!" Skuld buried her head in her hands. Damn, damn, DAMN!
"Good. Now we'll discuss the terms." Ranma grinned merrily.
Oops! Should've done the terms first! Ryoga though. Well, it was too late now. "OK, then, if I win again, you... uh..."
"Akane?" Ranma queried.
Ryoga shook his head. "She hates being the prize in fights, you know that. No, if I win..." Looking around, he spotted Ukyo and was hit by sudden inspiration. "You pay back Ucchan for all the food you've freeloaded from her."
"Huh?!" Ukyo looked surprised. She laughed nervously. "No, It's OK..."
"I agree," Ranma declared, cutting her off. "But if I win..." He paused for dramatic effect. "If I win, you leave Nerima." He leaned forward. "For good."
Mousse stormed out of the Cat Café, a dark rage radiating from him. Minuets earlier, his beloved had returned home with a man who she'd decided she loved, who, worse still, returned the affections. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was a normal man. But no, it had to be the cross-dresser who'd been chasing after Ukyo for so long. When he'd attempted to kill him though, Shampoo had grabbed the nearest weapon - a bazooka - and calmly stated that if he so much as harmed a hair on the head of her Tsubasa, he'd have his guts pumped full of lead.
Now he thought about it, it was obvious. Ryoga and Ukyo were sick to death of other people interfering in their relationship and had decided to remove the obstacles with a love potion. While he was off now to kill them, he had to admit he was impressed. Love potions had a horrible tendency to backfire.
He pushed open the door to Ucchans. "Hibiki, Kuonji, say your farewells because today is the day you shall repent for your sins against humanity!" It hadn't taken him long to think of that.
"That would've been a marvelous entrance, if not for the fact that I'm Skuld." She decided now would not be the greatest time to tell him that he'd just ruined the cure to the love potion by spilling it all down her shirt front. Reaching over, she knocked the glasses back over his eyes. "Ryoga and Ukyo are over there, arguing."
Mousse fumed. If they'd put so much effort into getting rid of their rivals, the least they could do was pretend they were a happy couple.
The argument grew louder as he drew closer. "You can't, you're injured!"
"That's why I have a week to prepare, dummy!"
"You don't have to do this." Ukyo tried again.
"Yes I do." Ryoga crossed his arms.
Mousse ran forward. "Hibiki, Kuonji, prepare..."
KAPOW
He flew backwards out of the restaurant onto the pavement. Undaunted, he jumped to his feet and ran back inside. "To die!"
"I'll prove I'm fine." Ryoga stood ready.
KAPOW
Mousse made another airborne exit through the door and stood up again. "I could have..."
KAPOW
Repeat the above action, except this time, Mousse is a bit more battered.
"Accepted it in time if.."
KAPOW
Pause, then repeat again.
"You'd pretended you..."
KAPOW
I don't need to explain again, do I?
"Were getting along..."
KAPOW
"But I just wanna..."
KAPOW
"Ask you why..."
KAPOW
"You didn't make it me she chose!"
Ukyo scowled at Ryoga as Mousse made yet another charge for them. "I don't need you to protect me!"
"Who said I was doing that?!"
"If he comes my way, I can handle him."
Ryoga batted Mousse away and looked at her in astonishment. "Of course he's coming your way, I'm right by you!"
Ukyo shrugged. "So move away from me."
"Don't be a dummy, he'll attack you."
"I thought you said you weren't protecting me," Ukyo jibed.
Ryoga bristled. "You don't need protecting, you need restraining."
CLANNNNNNNNG
"JERK!"
CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG CLANG
Mousse wobbled into the restaurant just in time to see the Ukyo fire oni pound Ryoga into the floor. "Um... I'll come back later..."
SPLASH
Ryoga-chan sat up with a sharp intake of breath as she was splashed with icy water for the second time that night. "Don't DO that! Are you trying to slowly murder me through pneumonia or something?!"
Ukyo sighed. "Withdraw from the duel with Ranchan... please?"
Ryoga-chan looked at Ukyo in surprise. Is she... worried.. about me?! For some reason, that made her feel strange. She blushed lightly and fixed her gaze on the floor. "Umm..."
Ukyo continued blithely. "I mean, you couldn't even stand up against me, so you obviously haven't got a chance against a superior martial artist like him."
Her fuse finally blowing out, Ryoga-chan jumped to her feet, casually kicking her trousers to one side. "For your information, I totally wiped the floor with your dear Ranchan - As A Girl - and I'll do it again, you got that?!"
Tatewaki Kuno chose that second to enter at full speed through the door. He grasped hold of Ryoga-chan's hands, kneeling down in front of her. "Yes! Smite him again, my beloved!!! I, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, have complete and total faith in you!"
"Uh..." Sweatdrops appeared on Ukyo and Ryoga-chan's heads.
"Ah, see how my words of pure love have rendered her speechless." He produced a bouquet of red roses and plonked them in her arms. "Let it be heard now, that if he harms one hair on your head, I shall rise to your defence in the name of love! I also shall seek out vengeance against the one who has been as foolish as to scar your beautiful face."
Ryoga-chan shrugged. If Ranma could use his girl side to get what he wanted, so could she. She put on her very best kawaii face and batted her eyelashes at him. "O-oh, Kuno- sempai! You'd really do that for me?"
"I'm going to puke," Ukyo mumbled.
Ryoga-chan ignored her and gave Kuno a fang-toothed grin. "I'm so.. so... MOVED!!" she squealed, quickly punching out as he moved forward to glomp her. This goon could actually be useful.. she noted.
"My love, for you I would do anything!" Kuno proclaimed, moving forward and once again meeting an unyielding fist.
"Goody. Now get lost, I have to train." Satisfied, she punted him through the roof before tossing the roses aside.
Ukyo picked up the bouquet. "You should really put these in some water, you know. They're nice."
"Yeah?" Ryoga-chan shrugged. "You can keep them if you want."
I'd rather be given flowers that aren't hand-me-downs she thought. "I prefer white roses."
"Oh." Ryoga-chan carefully stored that piece of information. "White roses."
"Not that it's important or anything," Ukyo said hastily. She quickly changed the subject. "That was a sickening display."
"You mean the acting?" Ryoga-chan said neutrally. "Or the fact that he thinks I'm as good as Ranma?"
"A mild delusion, I'm sure. Ranchan never loses."
Ryoga-chan's short-fused temper blew again. "Well at least SOMEONE has a little faith in my ability! Ranma isn't some sort of invincible god, y'know! He still loses to Mr Saotome and Happosai and Cologne - he just wins the fights that count!" Instantly all the blood drained from her face.
The Takahashi goddess states that Ranma Saotome never loses... the fights that really matter.
And if this fight didn't matter, then she was a Samurai Pizza Cat.
"ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!" With a wail of dismay, she pounded her fist against the wall.
Ukyo jumped back in alarm. "Ryoga, what is it?!"
"I'm going to lose anyway. It's a universal law," Ryoga-chan said in a dismal voice, before running up the stairs to her room. I've lost before I've even started," she thought hopelessly. This is going to be my last week in Nerima. Ever.
After a few moments, Ukyo decided to pay her oldest friend a visit.
Mousse grabbed hold of the person in front of him. "I've got you at last, Ryoga Hibiki!"
"Excuse me, Sir?" Mihoshi was very confused. "My name's Mihoshi. Ryoga Hibiki lives at Ucchans okonomiyaki restaurant, which is closed at the moment because it's getting late, but I guess if you're a friend of his, you'd be allowed right in..."
Mousse pulled his glasses back over his eyes. "You're not Hibiki!"
"I thought I just said that." Mihoshi gave him a surprisingly Kasumi-like smile. "You see, I can't be Ryoga because I'm a girl and Ryoga's a guy, or at least he is most of time, it's not like he's a girl through his own choosing..."
"HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIE!!!" What the hell. It took a lot less time to think up.
Mihoshi's Galaxy Police Training kicked in. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUSTER!!!" she roared, pulling out her laser pistol.
Mousse stopped dead and turned to face her. "Uh... what," he began, pointing to the pistol, "are you doing with that thing?!!"
Mihoshi held the pistol rigidly. "I can't let you kill Ryoga. If you even attempt to harm him, I'll use this." Her voice began to crack. "Please don't make me use it, because that'll really hurt and I don't want to have to do it!"
Mousse looked at her for a few moments. "Ah! You were that girl in the hospital room who Shampoo called a Bubble-head, aren't you?"
Mihoshi fumed. "Hmph. She should look in a mirror when she says that."
"ARE YOU CALLING SHAMPOO A BUBBLE-HEAD?!!!" People looked nervously at each other and began to clear the area.
"YES, I'M CALLING THAT CHINESE BIMBETTE A BUBBLE-HEAD!!!"
"OH, YEAH?!! BIMBETTE?!!" Mousse snorted. "Pot calling kettle black here."
"WATCH WHO YOU'RE CALLING A BIMBETTE, GIRLYBOY!!!" Mihoshi snarled.
"GIRLYBOY?!!!" Battle auras lit up the street. "At least I don't turn into a nauseatingly, kawaii midget girl!"
"No." Mihoshi stopped.
"Huh?"
The battle aura flared again. "You just LOOK like one!!!!
"So there's a demon controlling Ranma?" Ryoga lay on his back on the futon, although for some obscure reason, he had his feet on the pillow and his head where his feet would normally be.
Mini-Skuld nodded. "I did try to warn you," she reminded him.
Ryoga sighed. "I guess I'll have to deal with that as soon as possible. Can you distract Ucchan?"
"She's not in. Lets go now while it's still light out.
A few minutes later, Magical Guy Makoto was bouncing carefully across rooftops towards the Tendo Dojo. "You know, I feel like a total idiot in this getup."
"You look great. In fact, my big sister Urd is a big fan of yours. She keeps asking me to get your autograph."
"Urgh! I keep getting people crowding around me during the day...someone is bound to recognize me sooner or later." Ryoga sighed. First he'd started out by just being weird, with his sense of direction. Then he'd gotten cursed. Then he'd discovered he wasn't even human. Then he'd become a sex-changing super-hero/ heroine. It was bad enough when people knew the first one or two of those things. He wanted to keep the others secret. No need to alienate people further. What a pick-up line that would be, he thought sourly. Hi, my name's Ryoga Hibiki. I'm also that masked super hero you have posters of on your locker doors. Plus, I go by the name of Magical Girl Ryoko. And I'm only partly human. Noooo. That could definitely stay a secret.
"No-body will recognize you. It's like a built in natural defence thing. Like Sailor Moon. Pigtails like that should get you spotted like that." She snapped her fingers. "But they don't. Somewhere out there is a girl with one blonde pigtail hacked off who looks identical to Sailor Moon. But nobody will ever know it's her. Of course, sometimes there will be the odd person who finds out." She grinned. "But trust me. Even with those cuts down your face, no-one..."
"You can still see them?!!" Ryoga raised a hand to his face, unconsciously running his ringers along the narrow slash marks. He groaned. "That's it. I'm done for. The second someone turns a light on, they're gonna know it's me. And with Nabiki Tendo in the area, the whole city would know by midday tomorrow!"
"And yet you plough onwards," Skuld joked.
Ryoga made a face. "Of course. If I get rid of this demon, then he might just forget about this rematch... or at least change the terms a little." Skuld nodded silently as he continued. "Why on Earth does he have a cosmic law concerning his fights?"
"I have no idea."
Arriving at the Dojo, Ryoga looked around apprehensively. "Do you feel it?"
Skuld frowned. "There's something wrong.. it's too widespread."
"What do you mean?"
At the same moment, the shadows erupted around his ankles. "She means I'm everywhere around you!" The voice wasn't loud, but it had the effect of sending shivers racing down the lost boy's spine.
With a yell of surprise, Ryoga found himself sinking into the black shadows that oozed around him.
"You truly think I would've been as naive as to stay inside that body and not set a trap?" Merdith chuckled lightly. This was too easy! How had the others all managed to fail? The ShadowDemon lightly ran a finger along his jawbone. "Look what the cat brought in."
She's toying with me... but for how long? Ryoga realized as he struggled to free his arms, but to no avail.
"Sweet dreams, little one." Merdith was impressed. Most people gave in to the shadows within seconds, eventually realizing that it would end all their fear and pain. But this one was still struggling violently. "Close your eyes and go to sleep..."
End Part XV
Final song - In The Air Tonight
=============