Catching the Butterfly

by Ushio

A Ryoga/Ukyo comedy romance by Benji Delaski

11. Chapter 4

Catching the Butterfly, Volume 4

CTB VOL 4 - Hopefully something a bit better that the drivel I pumped out in the aftermath of the Ibiza Virus.

Disclaimer. These characters do not belong to me, which sucks majorly because if they did belong to me, I could claim money for this and maybe my parents would stop nagging me to get a Proper Job. But they're not mine and I deserve to be forced to eat Akane's cooking for even mentioning them. Still, other people do worse things to them than I do…

No small furry creatures were harmed (much) during the writing of this story.

PROLOGUE

"Oww... my head..." Ryoga-chan rolled over and instantly fell out of bed. She sat up quickly and brushed her hair out of her eyes before sneezing cutely. She looked in distaste at the wet shirt she was still wearing and shivered violently. "Ugh... I feel dreadful."

Urd bounced into the room and grinned at her. "Let me guess. Feeling like crap?" Ryoga-chan nodded weakly and sneezed again. "Go figure. If you insist on going swimming at this time of year..." She stopped when the other girl showed no sign of reacting to her jokes and sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. "How do you manage to get yourself into these situations?" she asked in a long-suffering tone.

Ryoga-chan shrugged and coughed. "It's a knack." She shivered again and rubbed her eyes. "My head hurts."

Urd pressed a cool hand against her forehead and narrowed her eyes. "Look's like that cold's finally decided to rear it's ugly head up. Why don't you get changed into some warm clothes and I'll send Skuld up? She's far better at this nurse... thing... than I am," she advised, stepping out of the door.

Ryoga-chan looked around at her surroundings. Guess they brought me back to my house, she thought, pulling the wet shirt over her head.

I hate you! I never want to see your lying, rat-face again!

She bit her lower lip and pulled a large jumper out of her chest of drawers. Not just 'my house' anymore. Guess this is home for now.

PART 1

Hurricane Ukyo's Reign of Terror!

"See, you know more than Doctor Tofu," Skuld explained to Washu.

Washu smirked. "Of course. After all, I am the greatest scientific genius in the galaxy, you know."

"Plus, Ryoga's scared stiff of Doctor Tofu after what he did to him last time," Skuld added, bursting the bubble a little.

Washu scowled and strode into the room. "Didn't I tell you you'd get ill if you weren't careful?" she said sternly to the girl. She waggled her finger. "Mommy knows best!"

"You're not my mother," Ryoga-chan said hoarsely, coughing behind her hand.

"Details, details. Now say 'ahh'." Washu grinned proudly. "This is my newly developed flu remedy."

Stars burst in the background and the room changed into a film studio. Washu, now dressed in a business suit, grinned at camera 1. "It's the all-new G.S.G.I.T.G cold and flu syrup, only $19.95 unless you attend Furinkan High!" she chirped enthusiastically. "Relieves all cold and flu symptoms within three days or your money back! Warning - may cause drowsiness."

"May cause...?" Ryoga-chan swallowed the mixture. Instantly her eyes glazed over and she toppled over backwards.

"OK, so it will cause drowsiness."

"Miss Tendo? Doctor Whuu will see you now." (Hint - say the name aloud.)

Nabiki climbed to her feet and strode purposefully towards the door of the Doctor's office. He looked up at her arrival and indicated the long brown couch. "Make yourself comfortable, Miss Tendo," he said cheerfully. "Is it OK if I call you Nabiki?"

Nabiki nodded and lay down. "I'm glad you could see me, Doctor," she admitted, wringing her hands. "I'm beginning to get a bit worried about myself."

"Why not tell me what the trouble is?" he offered, picking up a pen and clipboard.

Nabiki nodded. "I'm obsessed with money. Over the last four years, I haven't spent a penny of my own money. I have money-scented perfume and money shaped chocolate. I even have rubbers shaped like english bank notes, which are really pretty."

"Fascinating," Doctor Whuu murmured, scribbling on the pad.

"I know the word for 'money' in forty-seven languages, including sign language and I can spell it in Arabic, Korean, Chinese, Russian, Greek, Egyptian Hieroglyphics, Portuguese, Transilvanian and Welsh."

The Doctor looked up sharply. "Did you say... Welsh?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh my. This is more serious than I thought." He rubbed his chin and consulted his notepad, which contained a number of doodles featuring potatoes and courgettes in lead role. He pulled a few flash cards from the desk draw and held one up. A round circle with a blob in the middle. "What do you see here?"

"Money."

"Here?" A rectangle with letters and money on it.

"Money."

"Here?" A CD.

"Money."

"Here?" Bill Gates.

"Money."

"And here." A chimpanzee.

"Money."

The Doctor sighed and put the cards away. "Now then, Nabiki," he said gently, "tell me about your childhood."

Nabiki sighed. "The very first time I ever got pocket money. I was just about to buy a Ballerina Barbie when the note flew out of my hand." She clenched her fists at the memory. "Four years old and my first pocket money goes out the window. I needed that Barbie and that BITCH SALESWOMAN wouldn't sell it to me." She closed her eyes tightly, remembering the haughty saleswoman's lemon-pinched face and her sneering tone. "Then, when I was six, I got lost downtown. I was crying and crying but no-one offered to help me. Eventually I manage to find the bus stop. And the bus driver won't let me on because I have no money." She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. "Then I was eight. The fair was in town. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience because the company were closing down and everyone was going." Smoke was beginning to come from the direction of the Doctor as he tried vainly to keep up with her. "Daddy promises we can go on the last day when they're giving out candy and toys and I was really excited. I couldn't wait. The day before we're due to go, Daddy discovers he hasn't paid the water bill. He's running around frantically, trying to gather up enough money before we're cut off but there's not enough and he has to drive all the way to Grandma's to try and persuade her to lend him some money but the OLD HAG won't let him and he's begging and pleading and eventually Granny agrees, on the condition that she spends the next day with me and my sisters even though we're all dying to go to the fair but Daddy says yes and we have to spend the last day of the fair watching Granny knit a sweater." She tilted her head and looked at the Doctor. "That's when I decided that money was the most important thing in the world. I didn't ever want to be short of it," she explained solemnly.

Doctor Whuu finally managed to pause for breath and looked down at the picture of the Mona Lisa with a moustache. "Dear, dear. But what made you decide to come here?"

Nabiki groaned as she recalled the nights events. "That's a long story, Doc. Hope we've got enough time left..."

To say Ukyo was still not a happy bunny would be an understatement. To say she was nearly as dangerous as Urd when she'd become the Lord of Terror was a bit more accurate. And woe betide anyone who was stupid enough to get in her way.

One person was.

"Ucchan?" Ranma poked his head around the doorframe and looked from side to side cautiously. "You here?"

wheeeeEEEEEEEETHUNK

"Would you believe that frying pan slipped right out of my hands," Ukyo said sarcastically from the other side of the counter. She scowled at Ranma as he slowly sat up. "What the hell do you want, Saotome?"

Ranma flinched slightly at the use of his surname. Ooooo-kay. She's still mad. He attempted smiling at her. "I wanted to apologise for-" he began, starting to climb to his feet.

Ukyo held up a hand, cutting him off. "Ah, ah, ah." She smirked dangerously. "Back on your knees, where you belong."

The pig-tailed martial artist thought for a second before quickly deciding that it would be safer to do as she said, and started kissing gravel. "I'm very sorry, Kuonji-san. I should've told you a long time ago that I didn't want to marry you."

Ukyo twitched.

"And I shouldn't have tried to push you and Ryoga together. Don't be too hard on him - I told him he couldn't tell you about the new challenge. I was behaving just like my father."

Twitch, twitch.

"And I guess I really shouldn't have paid Nabiki to spy on you two," Ranma finished, rather stupidly.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

"YOU WHAAAAAAAAT!" Ukyo vaulted over the counter and brought the spatula crashing down on the spot where Ranma had been a second ago. Except now he was three feet to the right and praying for his life. "PREPARE TO DIE!"

"Eep!" Ranma was on his feet in a second and dodging blows frantically. He hadn't seen Ukyo like this since she'd first arrived in Nerima, trying to kill him. Although he thought that this time, saying she was cute probably wouldn't stop her. Instead, he just continued to apologise frantically. "I'm sorry! Truly! Very, very sorry!"

"GET OUT OF MY RESTAURANT!" she screamed, throwing her chibi-spatula's at him. "I HATE YOU! I WISH I'D NEVER MET YOU!"

Lightning struck Ranma straight through the skull, killing off all his remaining braincells. All seven of them. That hurt. "Gah?" he managed to splutter out.

"You've RUINED my LIFE!" she bellowed at him, hitting him over the head. With a 'hmph', she turned her back on him. "I don't want to see you or that JACKASS Ryoga again!" Turning back again, she grabbed him by the collar and tossed him through the doorway. "EVER!"

Landing in a crumpled heap in the street, Ranma began counting fingers, toes and other body parts to make sure everything was present and correct. Yup. Definitely still mad.

End Part I

PART II

Please Donate Spare Nurses

to the NHS.

"Remarkable, truly-"

"GWAH! MONKEY ONNA STICK!"

Skuld toppled over backwards with fright before Cologne could justify that remark. Instead, she flicked her hair over her shoulder and bounced over to Ryoga-chan's sleeping form. "As I was saying, that was remarkable-" The old lady stopped with a frown. "Excuse me, sleeping beauty!"

"What?" Skuld asked, keeping a safe distance.

Cologne glared at her. "Not you! Yoo hoo! Ex-son-in-law! Wake up!"

Shampoo hopped through the window. "He sleeping," she explained rationally.

Cologne glared at her. "I KNOW." She rapped Ryoga-chan lightly over the head with the stick. "OI! I'm trying to praise you here!"

Ryoga-chan rolled over. "Not now, Ucchan... I'm asleep... zzzz..."

Cologne rolled her eyes. "OK, that's enough."

WHAM

Ryoga-chan sat up smartly. "What? What? What?"

Tossing the broken halves of her walking stick aside, Cologne settled for a perch on the end of the headboard. "As I was trying to say, That was incredible! I haven't seen a Shishi Hokodan since I was in double digits."

Ryoga-chan looked blank. "A what?"

"Shishi Hokodan." Ryoga-chan remained blank and Cologne gave an exasperated sigh. "Roaring Lion Bullet? Depression Blast?"

"Big green light what go boom in sky," Shampoo offered.

Ryoga-chan blinked in confusion. "What? Are you saying that those things are an actual technique?"

Now it was Cologne's turn to look surprised. "You did it without any training!"

The dark-haired girl nodded. "Twice actually. It just went boom."

Cologne looked thoughtful. "The Shishi Hokodan is fuelled by depression. You must have been incredibly depressed to release one that big without any training... what happened?"

"Nothing!" she snapped hotly.

"Ukyo dumped him," Skuld piped up from her perch in mid-air. "Into the river."

Ryoga-chan dissected Skuld with her eyes and rolled over. "Whatever. I'm going back to sleep now," she grumbled.

"Aiyaa... is you sick?" Shampoo asked in concern. Ryoga-chan sneezed in reply and the purple-haired amazon clapped her hands. "Shampoo be nurse to you!"

"!" Ryoga-chan sat up again. "No, that's OK-"

"Shampoo insist! Want practise mother to be!" She waved a farewell to her grandmother turned back to the invalid. "You be better in no time all!" she promised.

Mihoshi's eyes flicked quickly from side to side. "Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear," she repeated as the cars drove over the small slip of paper with Ryoga's address on it. Cursing under her breath, she continued relentlessly, vowing to ask the next person she saw if they knew where it was.

She quickly change her mind, however, when she saw Ukyo sweeping leaves outside her store. Somehow, watch her sweep them up made Mihoshi pity the leaves. At least they were already dead though. She wasn't that lucky. She backed away slowly, not wanting to attract any attention to herself.

Some sixth sense alerted Ukyo to the other girl's presence and she looked up. "What!" she snapped irritably. "He's not here."

"I-I know," Mihoshi began haltingly. "Do you know his address?"

"Why do you want to know the address of that baka hentai jerk anyway?" The broom vaporised under her grasp and she swore loudly, tossing it aside. "He hasn't even called to try and apologise." She buried her fist into the pavement. "Why hasn't he at least called to tell me he's a twat!" She turned away and dryly quipped: "Hi Ukyo, it's me, Ryoga. I'm a twat."

"Maybe because you beat him up, threw him in the river and said you never wanted to see him again?" Mihoshi offered, backing away quickly when the other girl's face loomed into her vision.

"He could've at least TRIED!"

"He's ill," Mihoshi said quietly.

"...W-what?" Ukyo blinked at her in amazement.

Mihoshi held up a basket. "Washu told me to take him this medicine but I lost the address. Please tell me you know the address?"

Shampoo entered the room with a flourish. "Tada! Presenting Amazon Special All-Purpose Get Well Soon meal!"

Ryoga looked at her in amazement. "Wow!" Shampoo grinned proudly. "You said the name in proper Japanese!"

"Why you..." Shampoo resisted the urge to break the plate over his head. Instead she just 'hmph'ed and set the plate down. "Shampoo to try learn Japanese. How you? Take no-tact lessons from Ranma, hmm?"

Ryoga sighed dismally. "Sorry. I... ATCHOO!"

"Aiyaa! Eat! Eat! Make better!"

Shampoo thrust the vegetable stir-fry under his nose and a wave of nausea flooded through him. "I'm not hungry."

Shampoo immediately turned into a passable replica of the Soun Tendo demon head. "EAT IT!"

"I'll be sick," he said stubbornly, pulling the covers over his head. He knew he was being rude, but he didn't feel like being nice to people at present.

Shampoo looked solemn. "OK, what matter?" she asked gently.

"Nothing's the matter," Ryoga replied, sounding slightly muffled from under the duvet. "What could possibly be wrong?"

"You tell me. No to do Shishi Hokodan for no no reason," she said with a shrug.

"For no REASON! You know why..." He stopped. "Wait. You weren't there last night, were you?"

"Weren't where?"

"Doesn't matter."

Shampoo scowled and pulled the blanket back. "You to talk to Shampoo!"

"What do you care?" Ryoga snapped.

Shampoo tried to think of how to explain it. Firstly, she didn't like to see people looking so down when she was happily engaged and she wanted to share that happy feeling. (Don't you just hate people like that?) And secondly, she was well aware that she didn't have very good motherly skills and she wanted to learn how to use them properly. Currently, she was wondering how Kasumi managed it without losing her rag all the time. "Shampoo be neutral person. You talk Shampoo, Shampoo give advice," she said carefully.

Ryoga thought about that for a second. It made some sense - Shampoo was about the only person he could think of who didn't try to kill him at every turn. "OK, you win..."

"Come on, sis," Urd pleaded, trailing after the youngest goddess. "I need your help if we're going to get them back together."

Skuld shook her head. "I said no. It's our fault they broke up in the first place-"

"What are you talking about! We didn't make that dumb challenge and we certainly didn't tell Ukyo about it!" Urd snapped.

"Well, maybe not us. But it's the meddling that did it," Skuld tried to explain. "It's like two similar poles on magnets. The more you push them together, the harder they resist."

Skuld quickly demonstrated with two magnets. "You see?"

"Give me those." Urd tried vainly to stick the two north poles together, to no avail. "There's gotta be some way to do this..." she muttered under her breath.

Skuld shook her head as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," she called unnecessarily.

click

WHAM

"Hi! Washu told me to bring this over, Sasami made some dinner to go with it, I'll just go up here..."

Mihoshi's voice dissolved up the stairs and Skuld slowly sat up, brushing the footprints off her clothing. "Sure. Come right in..." she managed to say weakly. ouch.

World War III erupted the moment Shampoo and Mihoshi laid their beady eyes upon each other. "What you want, stupid bubble-head girl?" Shampoo snapped.

"Oh, it's you." Mihoshi glared at her. "I came to bring Ryoga some food."

"Shampoo in charge, say he no can eat bubble-head's poison!"

"It's NOT poison! I didn't even make it!" Mihoshi seethed and the two of them flew at each other. The fight didn't last long.

BOOT

SLAM

"GROW UP!" Ryoga yelled through the door and flopped down on his bed. Stupid girls. Why do they always overreact to everything? He reached under the pillow and pulled out a photo. It was taken from a while ago. R-D and R-C were at it tooth and nail, Aiko was curled up asleep on the grill and R-A was trying to push her off so he could clean the grill. Ukyo was trying to separate the duelling twins and as for himself, he was behind the camera. You died, you vanished and you... He sighed and a lone tear tricked down his cheek. You hate me.

Urd looked up from her perch in front of the television as WWIII troops marched into the room. In other words, Mihoshi chased Shampoo into the room and attempted to throttle her with the telephone wire. "Do you guys mind? I'm trying to watch this," she said irritably, turning up the volume of the television.

"Shut up! Or you Shampoo kill too!" Shampoo launched 'Childs Play 2' at Mihoshi, who retaliated with 'U.S Marshals.'

"Sure you will," Urd replied with a yawn, lazily flicking a few energy balls at them. "And I'm a wombat." Shampoo and Mihoshi scraped themselves off of the floor and sent a few dirty looks at her before exiting the room. Urd scowled. "Don't need the likes of you fiddling with my plans," she muttered, recognising Mihoshi from the night before. She turned back to the television and picked up the two magnets. I swear, I will get them together, she thought grimly.

Skuld glared at her. "You're not allowed to meddle unless you can get the magnets to stick together."

"Deal!"

Hehehehe... you'll see, Urd. I know what I'm talking about. "The laws of physics rule ALL! Mwahahahaha!" Skuld allowed herself a small smirk of satisfaction before WWIII started up again. She raced up the stairs to find Mihoshi and Shampoo trying to open Ryoga's door, with a success rate of zero. "What's going on?"

"He won't open the door," Mihoshi growled. "And it's time for his medicine."

Skuld sighed. "Wait there." nipping downstairs, she placed a kettle on to boil, then quickly moved through it to Ryoga's tea. "Why- OW HOT OW HOT!"

"Gwah! What- how-!" Ryoga poked the teacup. "It's still hot?"

Skuld halted her impression of a flea on a grill and looked at him. "You OK? Why did you lock everyone out?" She walked over to the door. "..."

"Don't...!"

BOOM

"I BROUGHT THE MEDICINE!" Mihoshi roared, glomping Ryoga's right arm.

"SHAMPOO NURSE!" Shampoo retorted, glomping the left.

"OH YEAH? WHO DIED AND MADE YOU AN MD!"

"BUGGER OFF!"

Where did she learn to say that! Skuld pondered, once again peeling herself off the floor.

Ryoga glared at her. That's why I locked the door, he thought silently, trying to detach the girls from his arms. "Get OFF me!"

"Look! Skuld! I did it!" Urd barrelled into the room, trampling Shampoo, Mihoshi and Ryoga into the carpet. "See? See!"

Skuld took the two magnets from her sister and examined them carefully. "Wow!" She cast Urd a dubious look. "Show me how you did it."

Urd shrugged and stepped off the flattened teens. "OK. Uhh..." She looked around for a second. What repels each other... "Aha!" She yanked Shampoo and Mihoshi to their feet. "Stand still." She whipped a weird device out of her pocket and popped a capsule into it. "Watch."

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"Hey!"

"Not funny!"

Skuld tried not to snicker at the two enraged teens, who were now stuck back to back. "OK Urd. I admit it, you did it. Now how do you undo it?"

Urd looked down at the device. "Uhh..."

The smile froze on Skuld's face. "You used it on mortals and you don't know how to UNDO it?" she asked dangerously.

"Well... sort of," Urd admitted, scratching the back of her head. "Maybe it's..."

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Skuld gave a squeak of outrage as she became one with the magnetised girls. "Urd! You IDIOT!"

"Oops." Urd looked down at the dials. "Maybe-"

"NO!" Ryoga snatched the device away from her. "Don't!"

Skuld tried to ignore the other two girls as they bickered next to her. "Give it to me. I'll take it downstairs and fix it." Ryoga handed it over and the three of them spent the next few minutes trying to get out of the door.

Urd smiled sweetly to herself. Being magnetised had kicked all other information out of Skuld's brain for the moment, and she'd forgotten to gripe at Urd not to meddle. Consequently, Urd was determined to meddle while she still could. Glancing around, she switched on the television and stepped inside.

#I feel like I've been locked up tight, for a century of lonely nights-#

You're not the only one. Ukyo reached out and flicked off the radio, trying to concentrate on her homework, trying being the operative word. Instead, all she could concentrate on was the events of the night before and Ranma's attempted apology that morning.

It hurt. A lot. Ranma didn't want her for a fiancee. Never wanted her as his fiancee. Sure, she'd suspected that when Kodachi had meddled with them all, but it hurt to actually know the truth. Not only that, but he'd tried to force her and Ryoga together and paid Nabiki Tendo to spy on them. Bakabakabaka jerk. It's not fair! Why couldn't you let us alone? That was another thing that hurt - the fact that Ryoga's affections during the past week had been forced and not real. She blinked and looked around. This room got big all of a sudden... quiet, too. She reached over and snapped the radio back on.

#I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel-#

"ARGH!" Ukyo snapped the radio off again and flicked the TV on. "Doesn't anyone sing about happy stuff any more!"

"Sure they do, you're just listening to the wrong songs."

Urd popped out of the screen and Ukyo fell over backwards in shock. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT! WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Yeesh. Take a chill pill!" Urd settled herself down on the counter and poured herself out a saucer of sake. "Want some?"

"No." Ukyo crossed her arms. "Why are you here? Have you come to collect Ryoga's stuff?"

"Hmm?" Knocking back the saucer, Urd scrutinised her carefully. "But... shouldn't you give him another chance?" Ukyo just glared at her and the goddess sighed. "Why don't you talk to him?" she suggested.

Ukyo considered it for a moment. Maybe I will... The more she thought about it, the more appealing it sounded. Take some of his stuff back, let him beg for forgiveness, then she could refuse it. Then maybe he'd actually see she was serious. "OK then. I'll just get some of his stuff."

Urd narrowed her eyes at Ukyo's departing back. I can tell what you're planning to do. But what to do about it? Why were mortals so damn stubborn! Then she remembered Mara and her factor reversing chocolate. It had made the evil Booster demons good - maybe it would make Ukyo forgive Ryoga?

And welcome to QwikCook with Urd! What do you do when you're trying your hand at matchmaking but the couple refuse to co-operate? Here's your host, Urd!

Urd Thank you, Bill. The couple in question have had a big fight. They won't listen to each other. However, thanks to this new factor reversing okonomiyaki,holds okonomiyaki aloft and sprinkles some powder on it they'll soon be back on the path of lurve! Based on Mara's chocolate, I've made a few adjustments... pours a little liquid on it. However, the liquid pours out too fast...oops. Guess I should've used a spoon. Well, I'm sure that won't hurt it in the slightest! Now-

"Urd, what are you doing!"

Urd jumped around in shock, quickly hiding the okonomiyaki behind her back. "Nothing! Nothing at all! Lets get going!"

End Part II

PART III

Sexual Reality

DINGDONG

"We'll get it!" Skuld called up the stairs. Now all joined by the hand, Skuld, Shampoo and Mihoshi attempted to get to the door and open it. "Urd. Ukyo!"

"What's up with you three?" Ukyo asked patiently, reigning in her temper. He sure doesn't waste any time, does he?"

Skuld looked at the three of them in a row. "Uh... Can Can line!" She kicked her legs in the air and Shampoo and Mihoshi quickly joined her. They all promptly fell over. "We need the practice," Skuld explained, trying to climb back to her feet.

Ukyo gave her an enquiring look and stepped over the heap of jumbled bodies. "Where's Ryoga? I have some of his stuff." She disappeared before anyone could answer her.

Skuld groaned. "Urd, what are you playing at? Why'd you bring her back here for? She's still angry!"

"Not for long."

Skuld blinked then noticed the expression on her sister's face. "You promised you wouldn't meddle!"

Urd waved her finger. "I promised I wouldn't meddle unless I could get the magnets to stick. And I did. So nya!" She stepped over the bodies and raced after Ukyo.

Skuld tried to get up. "Come on, you two! Put some effort into it! Urd? Urd, don't you dare do anything! URD!" This is soooo frustrating!

"Yoo hoo? Anyone here?" Ukyo booted open the door to Ryoga's room. "Oh, there-"

"GET LOST!" Ryoga yelled, pulling a pillow over his head.

Ukyo blinked a few times before a scowl settled on her face. "FINE! If that's the way you FEEL!"

W-wait! That's... Ryoga slowly turned around, then morphed into the scream mask. No! Why her! "U-Ukyo! I thought you were someone else! W-what are you... ATCHOO!"

"So, you really are ill," Ukyo commented.

"Um, Ukyo?" Ryoga began haltingly, tightening his grip around his blanket. "Um... I-I'm really sorry about l-last night..." He swallowed and looked up at her. "I-I understand if you hate me..."

"You do?" Ukyo said gently. Ryoga nodded and she smiled sweetly. "Good."

WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM

"'CAUSE I DO HATE YOU, YOU ARROGANT JERK!"

Urd flew through the door and pulled the rather heavy souvenir out of Ukyo's clutch. "Now, now, come with me. That's not very nice," she said soothingly, dragging the irate girl from the room and shutting the door behind her. "Try some of this okonomiyaki, it'll make you feel better," she purred, holding out a part of it with some chopsticks.

"Wha-"

Seeing her chance, Urd quickly popped a bit into Ukyo's open mouth. "Good girl. Now, in you go."

Ukyo found herself flying across the room. She managed to regain her balance and looked at Ryoga. He backed away nervously. "Wh-what? Are you going to hit me again?"

Ukyo smiled. "No. I forgive you."

Blink, blink. "WHAT!"

Ukyo continued to smile. "I said, I forgive you."

Ryoga frowned, then looked closer at her. "Hmm..." Then he noticed Urd's mistake. When she'd made the okonomiyaki, she spilt too much liquid into the batter. Consequently, not only had it reversed her feelings...

It had also reversed her gender.

"Urd, you have to do something about this!" Ryoga hissed, casting a look in Ukyo-kun's direction.

"All right, all right." Urd continued rooting through the fridge. "Got any yoghurt? I have this sudden craving for it."

"Try the freezer."

Urd blinked. "Why would yoghurt be in the freezer?"

"That's where I put it." Ryoga lowered his voice. "Now, about Ukyo..."

"I've heard of frozen yoghurt, but that's just ridiculous!"

"URD!"

Ukyo-kun paused in the middle of his flower arranging. "Please don't yell, Ryoga. It's most uncouth."

"Why is she doing that?" Ryoga asked Urd as the other boy cheerfully went back to flower arranging.

Urd shrugged. "She was a really macho girl, so the reversing fluid made her a really feminine boy."

"Can you turn her back?"

Urd looked embarrassed. "Wellllll, I sort of don't really know how..."

"WHAT!" Ryoga jumped to his feet in horror.

"We never had any reason to turn anybody back!" Urd protested.

"WELL YOU'VE GOT REASON NOW!"

"But are you sure you really want to?" Urd looked at Ukyo-kun from the corner of her eye. "I mean, she's so much nicer to you now..."

"I want my old Ukyo back," Ryoga said stubbornly. "Violent personality and all."

"Hello, Mihoshi, Shampoo, Skuld." Ukyo-kun smiled sweetly at his three rivals and continued walking down the corridor with an armful of wet washing to hang on the line.

"Hi Ukyo," Skuld replied, preoccupied with her task of separating herself from Mihoshi and Shampoo.

"Uh... forgive if Shampoo wrong, but that Ukyo?"

Skuld nodded and pressed another button. "Sure was."

There was a short pause. "Boy-type Ukyo? Shampoo see things?"

Skuld pressed another button and held her breath. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the three of them fell away from each other. "Yeah, she was definitely a guy," Mihoshi confirmed.

There was another short pause, then Skuld jumped to her feet. "URD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW!"

"That's wrong," Skuld corrected, pointing to a calculation on the page. "So's that."

Urd crossed out the calculations irritably. "If you're so smart, why don't you do it!"

"Because I don't see why I should be the one to keep bailing you out!" Skuld snapped.

Ryoga ignored the two of them and stared dismally out of the window at Ukyo-kun. This is all my fault. What if she never gets back to normal?... "Atchoo!"

Urd threw her pencil down triumphantly. "There!"

"What! You mean you can turn her back!

Urd backed away from the delighted Ryoga. "Sure. I just need a pineapple, two 13amp fuses, the Blue Butterfly and a slice of chocolate fudge cake."

Ryoga nodded slowly. "I can get you the pineapple, fuses and fudge cake, but I don't know if they sell blue butterflies in pet shops. You only really find them in Europe…"

Skuld shook her head. "Not a blue butterfly, the Blue Butterfly. It's a diamond."

Ryoga slipped back into his deep blue funk. "Where the hell am I supp-suppo... atchoo!" With a small growl, he grabbed a box of tissues and blew his nose. "Where am I supposed to get that from?"

"You just get the other stuff and I'll cast a spell to find the thing," Urd promised.

"Aiyah!" Shampoo jumped to her feet and blocked the doorway. "Shampoo no let you go outside with cold!"

Mihoshi nodded. "She has a point." She gestured outside. "It's the middle of October and there's a wind-chill of minus two degrees. You could get pneumonia!"

Ryoga scowled. "I'm not leaving Ukyo like that a second longer than necessary."

He attempted to step around them, but Mihoshi had joined Shampoo and the two of them blocked the doorway so tight that nothing short of a battering ram or high explosives could possibly budge them...

"Look! Matt Damon!"

Ryoga was halfway down the road before the two girls realised they'd been tricked. "Ry-O-ga!" Mihoshi yelled, racing after him. "That was MEAN!"

"No fair to use dirty tricks!" Shampoo yelled in agreement.

"Mwahahahaha-atchoo! You can't catch me..."

wheeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEE

BONK

"That was uncalled for," Mihoshi scolded, handing Shampoo back her bonbori.

Shampoo tossed the unconcious boy over her shoulder. "Nobody tell Shampoo Matt Damon here and go unpunished," she said darkly.

Ryoga paced up and down the living room, looking ready to bite somebody. "What's taking them so long?" he growled, looking at the clock. Skuld and Urd had finally thrown him out of the room when he interrupted the spell for the fifth time and Shampoo and Mihoshi had (very reluctantly) offered to go and buy the other stuff. This left him with just Ukyo-kun for company, whom he was currently avoiding, finding the other boy just too unsettling to be around.

"Found it!" Urd finally exclaimed triumphantly.

"Whereisitwhereisit!" Ryoga demanded, bursting into the room and scaring the socks off the two goddesses.

Skuld looked apprehensive. "You won't like where it is…"

"I don't care if it's in Siberia," Ryoga interrupted recklessly. "Tell me where it is and I'll go get it."

"It's in the Kuno Mansion," Urd spoke up, a sly smile on her face. "Why are you so eager to get Ukyo back to normal, hmm?" she enquired teasingly.

"Because this Ukyo hates to cook," Ryoga replied, stealing Urd's thunder. "And I don't think I could survive on your cooking!"

Shampoo and Mihoshi arrived back at that moment. "OK, we have one pineapple," Mihoshi proclaimed, reaching into the carrier bag and handing the item to Skuld, who popped it into the top of some weird machine, "two 13 amp fuses…" These also went into the machine. "And a slice of chocolate fudge cake."

Skuld took the cake and frowned. "Why do we need chocolate fudge cake?" she asked Urd.

"Uh… that's for me," Urd admitted. "I'm hungry."

End Part III

PART IV

Catching a Butterfly!

Ukyo-kun was bored. No, he corrected himself, he was BORED. Whereas before, he would've done some cooking or watched a soap to amuse himself, he now found that the very thought of cooking okonomiyaki was on par with seventeen hours of a maths workshop - except now, the thought of maths sent him dry mouthed with lust so that was a pretty bad metaphor - and soap operas were mindless, boring pap for bimbos and airheads, he thought to himself, flicking past the seventh one that day. He glanced up as Ryoga entered the room, radiating annoyance. "What's your problem?" he asked, smirking slightly. "Time of the month?"

"Ha ha." Ryoga scowled and flopped down on the sofa. "Everybody seems to be convinced that I'm going to drop down dead if I set foot outside and it's driving me up the wall."

"So just sneak out," Ukyo-kun said boredly. "I don't want you around."

Ryoga simply gaped in astonishment at the other boy, before being alerted to a commotion in the hallway. Shampoo and Mihoshi were back. "Did you get it?" he asked hopefully. "I cannot stand that boy one second longer. I swear, I'm going to throttle him before long. "

"We no get it," Shampoo replied with a scowl, rubbing her head. "Now Shampoo hurt much."

"I told you we needed a better plan," Mihoshi pointed out.

"Like ask for diamond worked!" Shampoo snapped irritably, preparing to lash out.

"At least it was a better idea than simply attacking him and running inside!" Mihoshi retorted.

"How Shampoo to know big trap in doorway!"

"Girls, girls! Stop it!" Ryoga cut in before deadly weaponry could start flying back and forth. "We need a better plan."

"Any ideas?" Mihoshi asked, still keeping an eye on the Amazon.

"Actually, I do," Ryoga said smugly. "It's a trick Ranma's used on me several times - I'll turn myself into a girl and get Kuno to tell me where it is, then you two can get it while I keep him distracted."

Shampoo looked stunned. "That good plan! How you ever think of that!"

"Hey, stuck in bed all day, you do get quite a few good ideas every now and then!"

Tatewaki Kuno took a quick break in his kendo practise, proudly looking at the ravaged remains of a pigtailed dummy and sincerely wishing it was the real thing. Still, his day had been interesting enough, with that purple-haired girl who often seemed to be a major appendage on Ranma Saotome trying to force her way into the mansion in pursuit of the Blue Butterfly. He didn't have the slightest idea why, but as if he was going to let her take it from him! That foul sorcerer Saotome probably sent her in pursuit of it, he thought to himself. After all, it was rumoured to be magic.

On the other side of the wall, Shampoo, Mihoshi and Ryoga-chan were scoping out the situation. "OK, here I go," Ryoga-chan repeated, not budging at all.

"You say that ten minutes ago," Shampoo pointed out dryly.

"Weeell, I really am going now," Ryoga-chan said meekly. "In a moment."

"You scared?" Shampoo taunted.

"No!" the other girl snapped. "I am just in no particular hurry to be glomped and groped by that sicko."

"But if you don't go," Mihoshi pointed out, "Ukyo may stay a boy forever."

With that awful thought in mind, Ryoga-chan hopped over the wall and crouched down in the bushes near the boy. Just when she was about to stand up, a blade hurtled through the leaves and stopped millimetres from her nose. "Eeep!"

Kuno brushed his hair out of his eyes and struck a pose, his confidence so in that this intruder was nothing, that he didn't even look at her. "To boldly enter the grounds of the House of Kuno, home to the Noble and Magnificent Kuno family - unless you count my insane father and twisted sister - your impudence astounds me. Begone, before I take this blade to you!"

Ryoga-chan pulled a face, before striking a standard 'cute girl pose' she'd managed to pick up off Ranma, all big eyes and fearful pose. "O-oh, Kuno-sempai!" she gushed in a wavering voice. "Please, you're scaring me!"

Kuno's eyes shot open and he whirled around to face her. "Bandannaed girl!" Surely this could not be his precious little jewel!

"Oh pu-leese," Ryoga-chan muttered under her breath, before remembering she was trying to be cute. "Will you put the scary sword away now?" she asked in a little-girl voice.

"MY BELOVED!" Kuno made to glomp her and she quickly moved aside. "Come to these arms of mine!"

A foot connected with his face, abruptly ending his amorous pursuit. "Say, Kuno, would you give me a tour of your house?" Ryoga-chan asked sweetly, removing her foot from his face. "Somebody told me you had loads of neat stuff here."

"Of course, anything you desire," Kuno replied in ecstasy. At last, his beautiful, mysterious love (well, one of them) had entered his home of her own accord, and he certainly wasn't going to turn down her requests.

As soon as the two of them had entered the building, Mihoshi and Shampoo nipped over the wall and scuttled into the mansion, unaware that they were being shadowed by another person - Ukyo-kun. Annoyed with being left out of all these mysterious going-on's, but far too scared to actually ask about them, he'd decided to follow them there. Although why they wanted to come here was beyond his comprehension. Narrowly avoiding deadly traps and such like, he finally managed to get inside without being seriously injured and immediately set about the long task of locating everybody else.

"I'll bet you have more jewels than the Queen of England, right?" Ryoga-chan probed. "I'd love to look at them."

Kuno seemed heavily involved in the preparation of snacks. "There is no rush, my beloved. I can show you more jewels than there are stars in the sky. Will you not have something to whet your appetite before we embark upon our tour?"

Ryoga-chan looked at the plateful of goodies. They did look rather good… "Oh, all right. If you insist." She popped one tasty looking delectable into her mouth and chewed. "Urk…" she muttered, before she fell backwards off the chair. You jerk…

However, Kuno was just as shocked as she was. "Bandannaed girl! What is wrong, my love!" Tears streamed down his face. "Oh gods be merciful! KODACHI! What have you done to my love!"

Kodachi oozed into the room, radiating evil. "What is the matter, brother dear?" she asked sweetly.

"What evil substances have you used in the preparation of these?" Kuno asked, holding forth the plate of snacks.

Kodachi looked surprised. "Just the little red mushrooms. They don't do anything." She glanced down at the comatose girl on the floor and her eyes flickered in recognition. "Did you give some to her?"

"Oh, what have I done! To cut down such a fair flower before it has even begun to bloom? Oh woe is me!" Kuno howled in anguish.

"Just give her some of these," Kodachi advised, holding out a jarful of purple berries. "I do not wish to see you grieve further." With that, she turned and walked out, an evil smile spreading across her face. Give her those… and the path will be clear for me to wreak havoc on All Hallows Eve!

Kuno looked at the jar of berries and slowly, brain cells began to creak into place. There was no way on earth his sister would go out of her way to help one of his fair loves, which probably meant that his bandannaed goddess would be far better off if he threw these evil things away and let her sleep off the effects of the thing she'd eaten.

Shampoo and Mihoshi looked cautiously around the door frame and Kuno disappeared from the room with Ryoga-chan in his arms. "You think stick-boy really give those things to Ryoga?" Shampoo asked quietly.

"Even if he doesn't, can you imagine what he's planning to do to her anyway!" Mihoshi said in a horrified tone. I will not divulge into these thoughts because this fic is rated VF for Very Frigid. If you want the lemon version, click here. If nothing happens, that's because there is no lemon version available. You'll just have to use your imagination. (Yuk.)

Feeling as though her brain had been swimming through treacle, Ryoga-chan began the long and tiresome process of waking up. "Hnkk?" she asked fuzzily. "Where am I?"

"Ah, so you're awake, my pretty?" a voice asked.

Ryoga-chan jerked herself out of dreamland and looked around wildly. Her eyes fell upon Kuno, who was sat opposite, watching her. It then took her another few seconds to realise that she was lying on a bed. "YOU PERVERT!" she shrieked, the mallet of righteousness imprinting itself upon his skull.

Kuno rubbed his head with a groan. "Please be assured that I took no liberties with you, my love, I wished only for you to be comfortable while you recovered."

Ryoga-chan scowled. "Then why am I wearing silk pyjamas?"

"Uh…"

Ryoga-chan bashed him a few more times for good measure, then hefted her mallet threateningly. "Well? Show me around."

"Yes my love…" Kuno replied weakly, peeling himself off the floor.

Shampoo and Mihoshi looked around, puzzled. "Where are we?" Mihoshi asked meekly.

"Why ask Shampoo?" the Amazon snapped irritably. "All Shampoo know is we go round in bookcase when you try take 'Greed' book out." She looked up at the mass of chains hanging from the small room. "What you think those for?"

"Maybe one of those is a door handle?" Mihoshi suggested. "Although there doesn't seem to be a door anywhere."

"Try it," Shampoo ordered.

Mihoshi shrugged and yanked down on a handle. Instantly, the two girls were yanked up and away.

Ukyo-kun looked around nervously and stepped forward. Instantly, he wished he hadn't. A large pit opened beneath his feet before he could react and he landed in a untidy heap on the floor. "Oww…" He looked up in annoyance, then around at the darkness. "I wonder what this is…?" he said aloud.

He soon found out. A hissing sound came from his right and he swivelled his head slowly. "AAARRRRGGGGGHHHH! SNAAAAAAAAKE! HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPP!"

"You! You're alive!" Kodachi cried in surprise, before quickly covering up her slip. "Those berries worked then?"

Ryoga-chan scratched her head. "I… I guess so."

Kodachi fumed with anger as Kuno escorted the girl down the corridor towards the library. Then she smiled. "Well, I'll definitely be having fun on Halloween. But nobody said I couldn't torment him now…"

Meanwhile, Kuno led Ryoga-chan into the library and stood in front of a bookcase. "Watch." Reaching out, he tugged at the book labelled 'Greed.' Instantly, the bookcase swivelled around and they found themselves in the same small room we cruelly left Shampoo and Mihoshi in. With an enigmatic smile on his face, Kuno reached up and tugged one of the handles. However, instead of being yanked up like Shampoo and Mihoshi were, the bottom dropped out from underneath them and they hurtled down a helter-skelter at top speed. "This way, my love," Kuno proclaimed, somehow managing to have escaped being bundled into a little heap on the floor at the bottom of the slide.

"Where are we going?" Ryoga-chan asked with more than a little suspicion.

"To the deepest Kuno vaults," Kuno said cheerfully, helping her onto a gondola. "Be careful, my love. This underground lake is a hot spring."

"Oh joy," Ryoga-chan said sarcastically, grimly holding onto the sides of the boat. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

Bobbing his head along to cheesy Italian music, Kuno continued to talk as he manoeuvred the boat across the lake. "Do be careful of the stalactites. Some of them hang quite low."

Ryoga-chan rubbed her head and smiled tightly. "I noticed."

"I am sure you will enjoy looking at the jewels in this vault, although none of them can compare to your own delightful beauty. There are many artefacts which you would not see in any museum and many are believed to be magical," Kuno continued. "Ah, here we are."

"Yay! I made it without falling in!" Ryoga-chan squealed, jumping for joy. Instantly, the boat capsized, sending her pitching into the water!

End Part IV

PART V

Gender Bender

Oh man, I'm really in hot water this time, Ryoga thought to himself, wincing a little at the unintentional pun. Survival instincts took over, telling him he'd better get the hell out of there before Kuno tried to rescue his 'beloved bandannaed goddess.' Swimming around, he prayed he was heading anywhere except in the direction of Tatewaki Kuno. Finally, he located solid ground and pulled himself out, thankfully inhaling lung bucketful's of life giving air…

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRIPPPP

Oops. He looked guiltily at the tattered remains of the jeans and tee-shirt, far too small for him now and prayed again that nobody would catch him before he found some cold water.

"My darling! Where hast thou daparted to? Is this the work of evil sorcery?"

The voice floated down the caves to him and Ryoga grinned ruefully. Could be, could be. Now, where's some cold water? He tip-toed carefully forward…

CRASHSPLASH

Kuno leapt into the water. "Bandannaed girl! Speak to me!" he cried, glomping the person in the water. Hmm… I don't remember her being so big… or so flat chested… "What man art thou!" he growled, heaving Ryoga out of the water.

"Uh… hi, Kuno. Fancy meeting you here!"

"!" Kuno tried to work out what was going on… and instantly leapt to the completely incorrect conclusion. "What did you do to her! And what the hell are you DOING in here!" he roared, so angry that all poetic language had fled his tiny brain.

"Would you believe I got lost?" Ryoga said hopefully, trying to squirm free.

"DIE, CRETIN!" And with those words, Kuno dunked the other boy.

Not wanting to try an impression of the boys in the Standpipe (Steven King, IT) Ryoga sank his teeth into Kuno's leg and swam free. "Yuk. Good thing I had a tetanus shot, " he grumbled, pulling himself out of the lake and reducing his clothing to even further shreds. "See ya, Kuno!" he called over his shoulder before bakusai tenketsu-ing the wall.

Kuno dragged himself out of the water and rubbed his aching leg. "Come back and face the wrath of Tatewaki Kuno, fiend!" he called down the tunnel. "Or I'm coming in after you."

No answer. Kuno scowled. "Right. That's it." Bokken held aloft, he charged down the tunnel, an impressive figure until he tripped over three steps later.

"Oh, Kuno! Did I trip you?"

That voice… Kuno jumped to his feet. "My love!"

GLOMP

"Oh my love, my darling, I feared you had but been lost forever in these catacombs!" Kuno sobbed.

"Ak!" Ryoga-chan struggled for breath. "Need… air…"

Kuno didn't seem to notice the girl's face turning a rather vivid shade of blue. "Forgive my exuberance, I would but rather die than let harm befall you!"

"Great!" Ryoga-chan shifted slightly. "Then… let… me… GO!" she finished, delivering Kuno a swift knee in the groin. A high pitched whine escaped Kuno's throat and his eyes bugged out, before he slowly folded up on the floor. Ryoga-chan winced, but couldn't dampen down the satisfaction she felt. She quickly turned up the sweetness and light act. "Oh Kuno-sempai! Did I hurt you?" she gushed, kneeling down and slapping him several times. Kuno opened and closed his mouth a few times, emitting a few peculiar squeaks and Ryoga-chan almost began to feel a little guilty. "Hey. I didn't really hurt you did I?"

"Ak." Kuno swallowed and tried again. "It… would take… more than one… strike to… fell the Great Tatewaki Kuno!" he wheezed, slowly unravelling.

"Good. So show me these jewels then," Ryoga-chan prompted unsubtly.

"We already try that one."

"O-kaaaaaay then… how about this one?"

"NO! We try this one."

"But-"

CLANKWHEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

"Waugh! Not again! I hate this!"

"Shampoo think this kind of fun, actually!"

"Hello? Hello? Is there anybody down here? Anybody?"

Ryoga-chan was impressed. "This is neat!" she wowed, holding up yet another highly ornate and stupidly expensive brooch and gazing in wonder at a small pile of necklaces that alone were worth more than Bill Gate's daily income.

"That small piece is called the 'Angel's Tears'" Kuno informed her, squinting through still-watering eyes. He held up a clouded-glass yacht. "This is 'Le Reve-Bateau.' That means-"

"Dream boat. Yes I know." Ryoga-chan scowled slightly. "I'm not totally devoid of sense."

"I would but never insinuate such a thing!" Kuno protested.

Ryoga-chan nodded absently. Although she would've loved to look at all the amazing things on display, she decided it was time to get down to business. "I don't suppose you have a jewel called 'The Blue Butterfly?'" she asked sweetly. "I heard someone say you had it and I'd really love to see it."

"Of course. I shall fetch it for you at once," Kuno promised, scuttling away.

Ryoga-chan grinned and rubbed her hands together. "Hehehehe… sucker! I can't believe this gu-"

She halted in mid gloat as a strangely sweet scent of perfume filled the air. Slowly, she looked over her shoulder. "Hello?" she said cautiously, all senses on alert. A moment later, she almost jumped out of her skin as a light touch descended upon her shoulders. However, it was a touch of motherly reassurance… at first. Then the sweet smell became heavier. It seemed to swirl in the air, making the small girl dizzy. She started to cough, then tried to pull away from a grip that tightened around her neck as she struggled.

"Let me GO!" Ryoga-chan cried, striking out at empty air. The grip tightened viciously around her throat. With a rising feeling of panic, she tried to remember some of the new techniques she'd discovered, but they flitted down into some dark corner of her mind, pushing past all the old memories, some good, some bad, some long forgotten and covered in cobwebs of time.

A sudden calmness flooded through her. I'm going to die. Absently, she wondered if she'd turn back into a boy when it happened, or would she become an angel? Maybe I'll see daddy. And Aiko. And now she wanted it to happen. It seemed quite a welcome prospect, death. No more curse. No more guilt about letting Aiko die and deceiving Akane for so long. No more being second to Ranma. No more making Ukyo unhappy.

No more Urd, Skuld and Shampoo. No Akane. No Maika and Miyu, Mihoshi and Ryoko, Washu and Hinako. And no more Ukyo. Ukyo-KUN. Sure, maybe she did drive Ukyo batty. Maybe she was a huge annoyance in the other girl's life and couldn't do anything right. But if she died, maybe Ukyo would be stuck like that forever. And she couldn't let her down, she just couldn't!

With that thought, she grimly fought back the invading clouds of unconsciousness. "Shi… Shi…" The unseen presence jerked away sharply as Ryoga-chan began to glow a bright green. Feeling the grip disappear from her throat, she grinned weakly. "…hokodan…" she finished.

End Part V

PART VI

Man! I Feel Like a Woman!

Ukyo-kun scowled as another sea bass (mutated, of course) swam past, leaping out of the water and snapping viciously at him like a bad-tempered Jack Russell. "This place sucks!" he griped, tripping over a tree root for the fourth time. Although he and his female self had wildly different personalities, this was one thing they both would've agreed on. Wholeheartedly. "Man, I wish there was some way out of here-"

CLICK

Ukyo-kun looked down at the nothing below him, in that strange Wile Coyote way, before gravity remembered it does exist in Nerima. "AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa………"

Down in the bowels of Kuno Kingdom, it's lord and master (dream on) glanced up from the highly important task of valiantly carrying the unconscious dark-haired girl in his arms to some place more comfortable. Must be my twisted sister, trying to find another weird jewel to curse dinner with, The though dissipated as quickly as it arrived: Kodachi was always doing peculiar things with jewellery - usually coupled with naked chanting, he'd found out one day after going to call her for dinner.

A figure bounced off the landing mattress a few feet away from where Kuno was standing and he could tell instantly from the way they looked… sort of plonked, that whoever it was, was unaccustomed to the landing gear. Curiously, he walked over to them. "Miss Kuonji?"

Ukyo-kun shook his head to clear away the dizziness and focused his gaze on Kuno. "Kuno! Great to see you!" He hopped to his feet, a beaming smile on his face. "Can you show me the way out of this place?"

Kuno pondered this request with great thought. His beloved goddess was out cold, and by the look of it would be for some time. And didn't the Kuonji girl live with her? "Very well then. I will show you out…"

"Great!"

"ON one condition," Kuno finished. He indicated the girl in his grasp. "I feel she would be in more comfort in the surroundings of her own home. Would you please watch over her and tell her I'm sorry she didn't stay longer?"

"Awww!" Ukyo-kun pouted. He gave a small sigh. "Oh, I suppose so."

For some reason, the remnants of the Shi-Shi Hokodan induced blackout involved white rabbits, pocket watches and large, fat, wobbly women screaming "Off with his Vital Appendages!" Blinking quickly, Ryoga-chan sat up a mite too fast and rubbed her eyes blearily. "Ooh… stars."

"Awake, I see," Ukyo-kun commented dryly from his seat in the corner of the room. "Nice nap?"

"Where am I?" Ryoga-chan asked instinctively.

Ukyo-kun looked around the highly familiar restaurant interior. "Gee, Einstein, I don't know. What's your opinion!"

"Why am I here? Why aren't I at the Kuno Mansion?"

"What is this, twenty questions!" Ukyo-kun crossed his arms and scowled. "Kuno told me to look after you because he thought you'd be comfortable in familiar surroundings. What beats me is why you'd even want to go there in the first place."

Ryoga-chan waved a hand absently. "Details, details. Now, don't you go anywhere!"

"Why, where are you- HEY!" the boy yelped in surprise as she vanished through the convenient mirror hanging over the mantelpiece. "Oooh… I WILL find out what you're plotting, you- you- female impersonator!"

Damn you Kuno! Ryoga-chan cursed to herself, hunting for the eldest Kuno sibling. The one time I don't wanna get rid of you, you get rid of me! She turned a corner, still projecting evil vibes towards Kuno, Shampoo, Mihoshi, Ukyo-kun, Ranma and everybody else who seemed to have made it their mission in life to get on her nerves as much as possible. A dark shadow stepped in front of her. "AAAA!"

"AAAA!" Kuno screamed in response. "Bandannaed girl! What-"

THUNK

"Urk…" he finished, peeling his face off his darling's fist.

"What the hell are you playing at! I ask for one simple thing, the Blue-" Ryoga-chan caught herself in mid-rant and quickly corrected it: "I mean, a tour of your treasure vaults, and you blow me off!" She crossed her arms and glared at him. "I thought you WANTED me to spend a day with you! But I guess you feel differently," she added, subtly changing tactics. "OK then. I'll go. This is me, leaving now-"

"Nooo! My darling!" Kuno anchored himself to her foot, barely slowing her down. "Forgive me! I'll do anything, grant whatever wish you desire! Just don't go!"

Sucker! Ryoga-chan smiled sweetly at him. "I believe you were going to show me the Blue Butterfly?"

Kuno nodded. "Follow me." After walking briskly through passages that made a labyrinth look like a roman road, he stopped in front of a door. "After you left, I placed the Blue Butterfly in here for safe keeping-"

"ALL RIGHT, THIS IS A STICK-UP!" bellowed a female voice and Mihoshi bounced out into the middle of the corridor, wearing a mixture between the Kuno family's old samurai armour and her galaxy police uniform and pointing her laser pistol at a spot between Kuno's eyes. "Nobody MOVE!"

Like a large jack-in-the-box, Shampoo rose behind Kuno and promptly knocked him for six with a bonbori. "Ha! We get butterfly now, OK?" she suggested cheerfully, applying the Amazon patented 'I don't need a key, I don't need a door, I've got a stupidly big weapon' wall bashing technique on the wall.

Ryoga-chan stepped into the room and glanced around. "Maybe it would've been idea to wait until he found it before clubbing him?" she observed dryly, indicating the large piles of assorted magical junk cluttering up the room.

Mihoshi's eye's welled up. "Y-you mean after all this, we still don't have the Blue Butterfly?" She burst into floods of tears. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'll NEVER be a captain at this rate!"

"What!"

Oops! "Uh… captain of a Search and Rescue team," Mihoshi grinned, trying to cover up her slip. "It's been my dream ever since I was little."

"Don't worry. We'll find it," Ryoga-chan said firmly. We HAVE to find it. We just have to! She stared around the room. But where do we start?"

Neither of them paid much heed to Shampoo, who was carefully examining various jewellery boxes. "Shampoo find something!" she said sharply.

"What! What!"

"Is brooch to make person tell truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth," the purple-haired amazon quoted, reading carefully from the box label. Mihoshi and Ryoga-chan hit the ground at right angles.

"Look, you little-" Mihoshi began threateningly.

Shampoo smiled sweetly and held up another box. "And this say 'The Legendary and indeed most powerful Blue Butterfly, prized possession of Family Kuno. Do not touch.' You think could be it?"

"Give me that," Ryoga-chan said crossly, snatching it away. She opened the box. "Oh wow…" she breathed quietly, gazing at the beautifully crafted gemstone. The other two girls craned their heads over her shoulder to try and catch a glimpse of it. "OK, let's go," Ryoga-chan finally said, snapping the lid shut and striding over towards the door.

"Halt!" barked a highly familiar voice. The three of them skidded to a halt in front of the imposing figure of Tatewaki Kuno, who fixed them all with his best glare. "I simply cannot stand by and permit this theft!"

"You were unconscious," Mihoshi pointed out, receiving a swift elbow in the ribs from Shampoo which clearly told her in the universal language of pain to keep her trap shut.

Kuno rambled on regardless. "Is it not bad enough that you kidnap this beauteous flower of the desert, that you feel you have to desecrate these most sacred treasures!" He shook his head sadly. "I must teach thou a lesson. Prepare yourselves!"

"But-" Ryoga-chan began.

Shampoo pushed her aside. "What make you think we not just beat you again?" she asked furiously, violet eyes flashing with energy. Mihoshi nodded in agreement, her hand automatically going to her gun holster.

"Well, this actually," Kuno admitted, yanking on a cord. There was a loud creaking noise.

With a sense of foreboding, the girls looked up just in time to see a very large stone began it's short but swift journey to the top of their skulls.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Shampoo.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Mihoshi agreed.

"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!"

When the dust cleared, Shampoo slowly opened her eyes. "W-where Butterfly?"

"I think Kuno grabbed it," Ryoga-chan said shakily.

"And you didn't stop him!" Mihoshi hissed."

"Excuse me, I was trying to save our lives!"

"I must ask you to leave these premises," Kuno said sternly, stepping in front of them. In one hand he held the box containing the Blue Butterfly and in the other hand, he held a short, curved sword that glowed jet black. "If you attempt to thwart the almighty powers of the great and noble Tatewaki Kuno, I will be forced to smite thee. And yes, this is indeed a magic sword."

"But I-I…" Ryoga-chan stuttered hopelessly. After all this, after they'd gotten this far, Kuno was going to kick them out? He couldn't! "Upperclassman, please!" she wailed.

The hard glare on Kuno's face softened a bit. "What is the matter, koibito?"

Koibito! Bleugh! Ignoring the title, she gave Kuno her most tearful, pleading and vulnerable look. "You don't understand. I NEED the Blue Butterfly, just for tonight. It's URGENT! It's a matter of life and death!" she exaggerated a little.

Kuno shrugged. "Had you but simply asked…" he trailed off.

Ryoga-chan looked shell shocked. "Huh?"

Mihoshi and Shampoo exchanged a look. "You mean… all she had to do…" Mihoshi said slowly.

"…Was ask?" Shampoo finished.

"You're going to let me borrow it!" Ryoga-chan cried in glee.

Kuno nodded. "How could I resist a request from one so fair? All I ask it that you return it to me tomorrow." He handed the box over. "But I feel, with great regret, that I really must ask you to depart. My insane father will return soon and I would not wish to subject you to his presence."

As he spoke, he briskly escorted the stunned trio to the exit. As soon as they left, Mihoshi and Shampoo turned slowly and glared at Ryoga-chan, who was too busy feeling chuffed with herself to notice it. "Isn't that incredible!"

Mihoshi nodded stonily. "What's even more incredible is that we went through hell and back with Kodachi cackling madly behind us with a green thing that creeped when you could've just asked him for it at any time."

Shampoo matched her glare. "Man who lead on Amazon womans go to very bad place."

A sinking feeling crept up on Ryoga-chan and she began to feel rather like the golf club that'd slipped out of her hands and fallen in the lake the last time her father had tried to bond with her. "H-hey, how was I supposed to know-"

"Not you, HIM!" Mihoshi pointed out.

"He die now!" Shampoo agreed. The two of them ran back and pushed at the gate.

ZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAKZAK

Ryoga-chan sweatdropped. "Once locked, there's a 25000 kilowatt voltage flowing through those gates." There was a short silence. "For security," she added.

"Shampoo… hate… all… Kuno's…"

"Ukyo!"

WHAM

"Sorry. Accident," Ukyo-kun apologised, lifting the table off Ryoga's head. His apologetic look vanished when he saw who it was. "What do YOU want?"

"For someone who's supposed to be an opposite of Ukyo, he's awfully violent," Skuld muttered to Urd.

Urd shrugged. "You saw what happened to Sudaru. His personality warped majorly in the end." She stepped forward. "It's OK, Ukyo. We can turn you back."

Ukyo-kun looked confused. "Turn me back into what?"

"Into a girl, of course!" Skuld pointed out.

Ukyo-kun backed away. "No way! No way are you turning me into a girl! I'm a guy and I'm staying a guy!"

"I knew this wasn't going to be easy," Urd grumbled. She raised her hands. "Don't move an inch."

Much to Ukyo-kun's surprise, he found himself unable to move his limbs. "Hey! This isn't fair, I don't wanna be a girl! I've got rights-"

Ignoring his protests, Skuld switched on her "Okonomiyaki Gender Swop mark III" and pointed it at him. A brilliant blue glow filled the room, glowing brighter and brighter until finally, it imploded.

Ryoga squinted in the afterglow. "Ukyo…" He tried to make out the figure of the person stood in front of him, but the vivid light had made the room seem a lot darker. "Uh… are you a girl again?" he enquired, for lack of a better answer.

The familiar feel of steel on skull met his head. "And what else would I be!" Ukyo snapped.

"Oh yeah, she's definitely back," Urd commented. And I'm going to go away now before she remembers what I did to her.

"And that's why you shouldn't meddle," Skuld said to the empty spot beside her. "Urd? Hey, Urd! Get back here!"

Ryoga bit his lower lip. I guess she doesn't forgive me anymore now she's back to normal. "I-I guess I'll be going too," he said in a small voice. "See ya."

Ukyo clutched the back of his shirt. "Wait!"

A small ray of hope set up home in the pit of his stomach. "W-what?" he asked nervously.

"Please tell me the past few hours were a really bad dream," Ukyo pleaded.

The small ray of hope suddenly took into consideration the marvellous perks there were in moving to Tennessee and packed up. "Yeah. It was a dream, turning into a guy," he confirmed.

Ukyo looked stricken. "If you tell anyone, I'll kill you."

What, again? Ryoga nodded. "OK. Bye." He turned to leave again.

Ukyo stared at the floor. "Ryoga?"

"…Yes?" he responded, glancing over his shoulder.

Ukyo kept her gaze firmly locked on the floor. "I… I just wanted to say…" She paused and a slight blush crawled across her nose. "To say… thanks. For going into Kuno mansion and dressing up like a girl and getting the Blue Butterfly…" She trailed off. "Uh, thank you. Really."

Ryoga nodded slowly. "Um… you're welcome." He lingered in the doorway for a moment, before finally vanishing through the mirror on the wall.

Ukyo glanced up and sighed dismally. "I just wanted to say I forgive you. But I guess it's too late now."

End Part VI

PART VII

Keiko.

"Order up for table twelve!"

Two heads turned, uttering simultaneous cries of "It's mine!"

Ukyo winced as Ryoko and Ayeka crashed into each other, leaving the okonomiyaki to splatter to a small, messy splodge on the floor. Briefly, she wondered what had possessed her to hire the two girls. Almost as if hearing her thoughts, a large group of teenaged boys entered, answering the question. She grinned brightly. "Welcome to Ucchan's okonomiyaki, can you take a seat and someone will be with you in a moment to take your order!" Inwardly she groaned. Ryoko and Ayeka never missed an opportunity to try and prove how much more desirable she was than the other one.

Truth was, she needed a waitress. A waitress who didn't try to kill the other waitress with a laser sword or flying logs or simply by clawing at each others hair. A waitress who didn't compete madly to see who could serve the most okonomiyaki, destroying half of them and running up a huge bill in written-off lunches. And at this very moment in time, a waitress who didn't spend half an hour chatting to the male customers and ignoring the woman in the corner who was trying to settle a small blond kid while at the same time, still managing to look pointedly at her watch and 'hrumph' loudly…

"Excuse me?"

Ukyo blinked and focused on the pint sized figure in front of her. "Hi. Can I help you?"

The tiny brunette nodded solemnly. She pointed to the irate woman. "Mummy asked me to tell you her order so you can do it before we have to take my sister Michiko to the dentist."

"Sure, that's fine," Ukyo confirmed, slightly embarrassed. "Whatcha want?"

"Two specials."

Ukyo frowned. "Just two? I can make small ones for you and your sister if you like-"

"Two is fine," the girl cut in. She waited patiently until the first was finished, then picked it up and gazed at it adoringly. "Thank you."

"No problem," Ukyo chirped, setting to work on the second. With expert instinct, she poured, flipped and glanced up to hand the girl the okonomiyaki…

There was no one there. Puzzled, she looked around. She must've gone to the toilet or something, she decided, shrugging her shoulders. Picking up the order, she took it over to the lady in the corner. "Sorry 'bout that. I thought your daughter was going to wait for it," she explained.

"Daughter?" repeated the lady. She shook her head. "She hasn't moved from this spot - a miracle, as far as I'm concerned. Yuki-chan, would you PLEASE sit still!" she exclaimed. She smiled weakly at Ukyo. "Sorry to be such a grouch. Would it be possible to take our order now? I need to get to the train station before eleven."

"But you- she said-" Ukyo stopped talking for a moment and her expression darkened. An okonomiyaki thief.

Skuld bounced in front of the sitting room mirror, holding a hairbrush to her mouth, singing loudly and highly out of tune, even pausing every now and then to actually take a swipe at her hair with it.

"Must you do that?"

With a small squeal, Skuld dropped the brush and jumped around. "You scared me!" she accused, waving her index finger at Ryoga. "I thought you were going back to school."

"No, I'm going back to bed," Ryoga confirmed. "It's just, I'd prefer not to be serenaded."

"Your cold's better, you really should go," Skuld advised.

Ryoga shook his head wildly. "No chance! I'm not going back until I'm sure they've thought of something else to talk about other than Friday night." He glanced at the clock. "In which case, I'll be going back…. Around about the year 2034. Wake me then," he called over his shoulder.

"This is nuts," Skuld muttered to herself, turning back to the mirror.

"I agree." Skuld jumped once again in shock as Urd jumped out the TV set. She shook her head sadly. "I can't believe a sister of mine is actually singing to a hairbrush."

"I meant about Ryoga and Ukyo- I mean school!" Skuld snapped back.

Urd grinned. "I knew it! You want them back together again too!"

"NO!" Skuld protested. "I want Ukyo's cooking again! Ryoga tries, but his cooking's not a patch on Belldandy's or Ukyo's!"

Urd nodded knowingly. "Whatever. How about we go home for some of Belldandy's cooking then?" she suggested, leading her little sister into the corridor. And I can pick up some supplies.

"Wellll… all right then," Skuld caved, pulling open the front door.

The kid on the doorstep halted in mid tiptoe, a key hovering in mid air just below where the keyhole would've been if the door was shut. The two parties stared at each other for a long moment.

"Can… we help you?" Urd said finally, gingerly poking the kid on the nose.

Urd just had time to register the thoughtful expression on the girl's face, before sharp teeth munched her extended digit. "AAAAAAA&AAAAAA$AAAAAAAAAAA!"

Skuld leapt forward to grab her, but the girl easily sidestepped and ducked under her, before administering a surprisingly hard kick to Skuld's backside. The young goddess teetered precariously before crashing into her elder sibling, who was still screaming blue murder. The two crashed into an untidy heap on the garden path as the door slammed shut behind them.

"I'll get you for that, you little monster!" Urd shrieked, leaping to her feet and hammering on the door. A small tongue rasberried through the letterbox before disappearing, which only served to fuel Urd's anger. "OPEN THIS DOOR!"

Inside, with a great show of reluctance, Ryoga dragged himself down the stairs. "All right, all right!" he called irritably. What do I have to do to get some sleep around here! He stopped short and gaped at the small figure mushing her face against the glass in the door. "W-w-w-!"

The girl jumped around, startled and jumped into a standard fighting position. "Who are you?"

Ryoga blinked. "I live here," he pointed out. "Who are you?"

A broad grin jumped onto her face. "My name's Keiko Hibiki… big brother."

Urd sent Keiko a look of immense distrust, making a big show of applying disinfectant to her wounded finger. Keiko didn't (or pretended not to) see, instead occupying herself with a Disco Moves Barbie whilst chattering away madly to her elder sibling. "I don't trust that brat," she muttered to Skuld.

Skuld sighed. "Urd, I checked her, she's clean, she's the real McCoy. So stop worrying."

"…but then mummy went to get a taxi and she didn't come back, so I decided to try and find my way home on my own 'cause I wanted to meet you and daddy so bad 'cause I figure you owe me seven years of birthday presents and I'd better start catching up now," Keiko explained, noisily slurping her hot chocolate.

"Well…" Ryoga scratched his head. "See, I didn't really know I had a little sister till a little while ago. And I don't think dad knows either. Last time he phoned, he said he didn't think I had a sister."

Keiko pulled a face. "He prob'ly thinks I'm a boy!" she grimaced. Her face brightened again. "So where's my room 'n stuff? Or hasn't mummy got back yet to decorate it?"

"I think the second one," Ryoga said quickly, seeing Urd and Skuld open their mouths to object. "But you can share my room."

Keiko bounced to her feet. "Great! Where's it?"

"Um…"

"Upstairs, third on the left," Skuld directed.

"Where's left?"

"Opposite right," Urd muttered. Keiko nodded and raced out the room.

Ryoga shook his head. "I have a sister," he mumbled, sounding dazed.

"And she's a hyperactive, talkative bundle of trouble too," Urd added. "Just like a little sister. Ow!"

"You deserved it," Skuld said crossly. "I think she seems quite sweet."

"She's a monster!" Urd disagreed. "A cannibalistic monster!"

"Just because she thought we were breaking into the house-"

"That was no reason to-"

"Would you both SHUT UP!" Ryoga said sharply. The two goddesses stopped in mid-rant and meekly turned to face him. He took a deep breath and continued. "I really don't care if you like her or not, but she's my sister and she has every right to be here. And if you two are going to go home to see your own sister, could you let me get to know mine?"

Skuld and Urd gazed at their shoes. "Sorry. We'll go," Urd muttered shamefully.

Keiko's voice floated down the stairs. "I can't find left!"

"Nobody move! Or I'll pump your guts full 'o lead!" Keiko waved the water pistol at the teddy and made Barbie pose threateningly. "I want all your money so I can buy a new wardrobe, so hand it over!"

Teddy's reply was drowned out by a loud knocking at the door. Ryoga poked his head around the kitchen door. "Can you get that, Keiko-chan?"

"OK," Keiko called, jumping to her feet. After a few wrong turns, she ended up in front of the door. "Hang on," she called, standing on tip-toe to try and reach the latch. Finally the door swung open.

For a few moments, there was silence as Shampoo and Keiko stared at each other. "Is you!" Shampoo cried, stepping forward. Keiko darted back inside and slammed the door shut. "Let me in!" Shampoo yelled, hammering on the door.

Ryoga stepped into the corridor. "Who is it?"

"Nobody," Keiko lied, flattening herself against the door. "Double glazing."

Ryoga looked highly doubtful as the door vibrated again with impact. "Let me see." With a large amount of reluctance, Keiko stepped aside and the door swung open. "Oh."

WHAM

Shampoo looked slightly concerned as she realised she'd hit the wrong person, but the concern quickly faded. "Where girl?" she snapped.

Keiko jumped out from her hiding place behind Ryoga and savagely kicked Shampoo on the right shin. "Don't hit my big brother!"

"OW!" Shampoo hopped up and down in Keiko's general direction. "Brat! I KILL!" she howled, shoving Ryoga aside and dropping a wrapped parcel on the floor. Keiko shrieked and ran away, the enraged amazon in hot pursuit.

After a moment, Ryoga followed, shaking his head in bemusement. Pausing to place Shampoo's discarded parcel on the kitchen table, he watched her chase Keiko in circles around the table. On the next circuit, he stuck his foot out, sending Shampoo flying. "Enough! What's all this about!"

Keiko screeched to a halt and gazed at her brother with wide eyes. Shampoo stood up, her eyes blazing with fury. "Why you…"

Ryoga backed away. "You attack me and I'll have to fight back! And you want to marry Tsubasa, don't you?"

Seeing the logic in that statement, Shampoo deflated and sunk into the one of the chairs around the table. "SHE," she began accusingly, pointing her finger at Keiko, "that girl there thief!"

"No I'm not!" Keiko protested.

"You is!" Shampoo retaliated. "You steal food from my restaurant!"

Ryoga looked from one girl to the other. Shampoo was glaring at Keiko and Keiko was glaring at the floor. "Keiko-chan, is that true?" he asked quietly, kneeling down in front of her. Keiko refused to look at him. "Keiko-chan?"

Keiko scuffed her foot against the floor. "Wellllllll… maybe just a little…" she mumbled. "But it wasn't stealing!" she blurted.

"You leave without paying, Shampoo think that stealing," Shampoo said curtly, tapping a spoon against the table.

"Nobody asked you," Keiko snapped.

"Hey, hey!" Ryoga motioned to Shampoo to keep quiet, which she did so grudgingly. "What do you mean, it wasn't stealing?"

Keiko looked at the floor again in embarrassment. "Well, when I was with mummy, she said if I ever ran out of money and really needed food, I was allowed to do it. And usually if I'm hungry, I find a school or a playground and say 'who's the strongest one here?' and they say 'Benny,' or whoever and I say 'I bet you all 150 yen I can beat him' and they say 'you're on' and I usually win enough to get a meal or two but I couldn't find anywhere so I just took the food." Her lower lip quivered. "Please don't be mad at me," she pleaded.

"I'm not mad at you," Ryoga said soothingly. "But you mustn't do it anymore," he added in a far sterner voice. "It's wrong to steal, do you understand?"

Keiko nodded slowly. "Uh-huh."

"So you go play with Barbie while I talk to Shampoo, OK?" he suggested in a more cheerful tone. He waited until she'd gone before turning back to the amazon. "I'll pay you back. How much did it cost?" he asked quietly.

Shampoo waved her hand. "No worries, is OK." She picked up the parcel. "Is what you ask for come today."

Ryoga's eyes lit up. "Great! Everything's there?"

"Uh-huh." Shampoo frowned. "No see what you want with one time use spring of drowned fish powder though."

"I must be nuts," Ukyo berated herself sternly, standing on the doorstep of the Hibiki house. "I should just turn around now and walk away." She knocked on the door, mentally running through her excuses until the door opened. "…" Ukyo began. Her gaze travelled down until it rested on the small girl standing there gazing up at her. "You!"

Once again, Keiko slammed the door shut, her back pressed firmly against it as blows hammered down against the wood. "Open this door, you good-for-nothing little brat!"

Ryoga stepped into the corridor, holding teddy in one hand. "Who's that?"

"Encyclopaedia salesman," Keiko said firmly. "They'll go away in a minute."

Ryoga sighed. "I'll get it then." Keiko scampered away gratefully. Ryoga glanced after her for a second before opening the door. "H-"

POW

"Oops. Sorry," Ukyo apologised, quickly hiding her hands behind her back.

"?Wha- wha- what are YOU doing here!" Ryoga rubbed his nose which had taken the full force of Ukyo's punch and blinked at her in shock. A moment later he remembered teddy and quickly hid the stuffed animal behind his back, a deep blush covering his face. "D-do you want to come in?"

"Yes please," Ukyo growled, reaching for her spatula and storming past him. Where is that little worm hiding!

Keiko peeped around the doorframe with large, fearful eyes. Ukyo spotted her immediately and strode towards her. "Eep!"

"Oh yes, eep!" Ukyo snarled. "NOBODY tricks me, d'you hear!" She raised the spatula above her head… only to be tackled from behind. "Yeek!"

Still holding the angry chef around the waist, Ryoga forcefully removed the spatula from her hand. "Keiko-chan," he began sternly, "You didn't happen to steal any okonomiyaki as well, did you?"

"Just one," Keiko said defensively. "I was hungry. And anyway, it was soggy," she added.

"How DARE you criticise my cooking!" Ukyo snarled, struggling vainly in Ryoga's grip, before trying a different tactic. Ryoga yelped as she stomped on his foot, his grip relaxing momentarily. Ukyo finished with a swift elbow to the midsection and leapt forward.

But now, instead of being scared, Keiko was furious. "Don't hurt my brother, you ugly old cow!" she yelled, delivering a series of punches to Ukyo's stomach.

Winded, Ukyo quickly realised that as Ryoga's little sister, the child was blessed with the same abnormal strength as he was. Strong arms caught her before she could collapse and she wheezed for breath, tears filling her eyes. "Keiko, could you leave us alone for a moment," Ryoga said seriously.

"But she-" Keiko began.

"Keiko…" Ryoga said warningly.

Her mouth drawing into a little pout, Keiko glared sullenly at her brother. "Fine," she snapped, storming out of the room. The door slammed behind her, almost falling off it's hinges.

Ryoga let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah…" Ukyo gasped, blinking away the tears. Suddenly realising where she was, she pulled away and after a moment, sat down on the sofa. "Uh…"

Hesitating slightly, Ryoga sat down on the other side of the sofa, putting as much space between them as possible. "I… I'm sorry about Keiko-chan… if you want, I'll pay for that okonomiyaki," he began.

Ukyo scowled. "I can't believe she hit me!" She sent her fiercest glare at him. "Didn't anyone ever tell her it's wrong to steal?"

"Nope," Ryoga responded. "My dad raised me for the first few years of my life and taught me how to hunt and fish and stuff, but Keiko was raised by mum until about four years ago and apparently, mum has decided it's OK for her to steal food if she's desperate. Or to challenge kids for money to pay for it"

Ukyo was silent for a moment. "Are you sure you can cope with a child like that?" she asked curiously.

Ryoga glared at her. "What do you mean by that! I can cope fine!"

"Oh come on, Ryoga!" Ukyo burst out. "All I meant was she might be a bit too much to handle! After all, she lies, she steals and she beats up other kids for money… she's a juvenile delinquent!"

"She is not!" Ryoga protested. He crossed his arms and glared at her. "And anyway, did you come here for a specific reason or just to mouth off my little sister!"

Ukyo bit back a sharp retort. "I came by to ask when you were coming back to school and to work. I've hired temporary help, but they're not very good."

Ryoga looked shocked. "I thought I was fired."

Now it was Ukyo's turn to look shocked. "Why would I fire you?"

"You said you never wanted to see or hear from me again - I figure that pretty much bars me from the restaurant AND school!" Ryoga snapped.

Ukyo stared at her hands. "I… I guess I over-reacted a little…"

"I'll say," Ryoga muttered under his breath.

Ukyo leaned over and smacked him on the head. "Very funny. I'm trying to apologise!" Ryoga bit back a very tempting retort about it not seeming like much of an apology and instead replaced it with silence. Ukyo continued slowly. "Ranma spoke to me today. He told me the challenge was all his idea and that you were honour-bound to keep it a secret and I shouldn't really blame you so much for it. So…" Her face reddened and her words sped up. "I wanted to say I'msorryIover-reacted and willyouworkformeagain?"

"Huh!"

Ukyo scowled. "I SAID I'm sorry I over-reacted and will you work for me again. I mean, you still owe Mr Tendo lots of money and you'll have to feed that brat too."

"She's not a brat," Ryoga protested. His face grew thoughtful. "But you're right. Keiko needs new clothes and stuff."

"Great! See you tomorrow?" Ukyo grinned, hopping to her feet.

"See you tomorrow," Ryoga confirmed.

Smiling lightly to herself, Ukyo walked towards the front door, oblivious to the angry green eyes watching her. I've just got my brother back and there's no way I'm going to let you take him away from me, Keiko thought fiercely. No way on earth.

End Part VII

PART IIX

Child's Play.

"But I don't want you to go!"

Keiko's stricken wail echoed through the house and she latched herself tighter onto her brother's leg. Undeterred, he carried on walking around the kitchen. "You might want to let go when I start pouring the tea," Ryoga said mildly.

Keiko scowled and let go. "Why do you have to go to school anyway, Ryoga-chan? Can't you stay home with me? And I thought you had a cold!" she added accusingly.

"Keiko-chan, everyone has to go to school. Even you. I'm going to enrol you in an elementary school today, but until you start, Urd's promised to look after you," Ryoga explained gently. "Do you want Coco-Pops or Rice-Krispies?"

"I don't wanna go to school," Keiko pouted. "And Urd hates me."

"No I don't," Urd said mildly, munching on a piece of toast.

"You called me a cannibalistic monster and a hyperactive bundle of trouble," Keiko reminded her. "I want you to look after me, Ryoga-chan."

"I'm looking after you," Urd said sharply. "And Ryoga's going back to school." And you're going to co-operate if it kills you!

Ryoga looked at the clock and sighed. "I guess I'd better be going. See you later." Here goes nothing, he thought pessimistically, as he stepped out of the mirror.

"Ah, Ryoga! There you are!" Ranma cried, darting forward and pulling him away into an empty classroom. "Did Ukyo speak to you?"

"Yes…" Ryoga replied cautiously. "What did you say to her?"

Ranma winced and touched the side of his face. "I basically told her what I should've told her all along. I couldn't marry her so I was trying to find someone who could and that you were both pawns and it was no sense in blaming you."

"… You didn't actually think that up yourself, did you?" Ryoga asked, too shocked to actually hit him.

"Nah. Nabiki thought of it," Ranma admitted.

"And how much did that speech cost you?"

Ranma frowned. "It's quite weird actually. I asked for her advice and she didn't ask for any money at all. I think she must be ill or something."

"…So did Ukyo hit you with her spatula or just her fist?" Ryoga asked with a slightly acid tone to his voice.

"Don't. I have nightmares," Ranma said seriously. "Come on, we'd better get to class."

Ryoga yawned as Hinako-chan explained past and present tense in the English language. After a moment, he closed his eyes.

Suicide.

"Is my lesson truly that boring to you, Hibiki?"

Ryoga's eyes snapped open at the irate voice of the diminutive teacher. "N-no! I'm sorry, sensei!"

Hinako-chan folded her arms. "Whatever it was that so obviously occupied your night, could you please not do it again and sleep at home as opposed to during my lessons?" she asked, reaching into her pocket. A few people sniggered. Ryoga almost asked what the point was as he seemed to spend most of her lessons out cold anyway, but wisely thought better of it.

"Boo!"

Ryoga yelped in fright, almost falling backwards off his chair as Keiko's head emerged from his textbook. "Keiko! W-w-w-w-"

"Neat, huh?" Keiko grinned. "Skuld taught me how to do it."

Ryoga tuned out somewhere around the word 'huh' and was looking over her shoulder at Hinako-chan. A funny feeling of deja-vu crept over him. "Uh… Hinako-sensei, I don't suppose there's any chance you work in a restaurant as well?"

Keiko half turned to look over her shoulder and her eyes widened in shock. "You!"

"HAPPO FIFTY YEN SATSU!" Hinako-chan screamed, pulling the relevant coin out of her pocket. Instinctively, Ryoga grabbed Keiko under the shoulders and pulled her out of the textbook. This time the chair did fall over and the row of students behind them suddenly found all their strength leaving their bodies. All conscious eyes turned to the drama as Hinako kicked the desk aside and advanced on the fallen duo. "It's payback time, Keiko Hibiki," she snarled viciously.

The two siblings jumped to their feet. "Run away?" Keiko suggested.

Without replying straight away, Ryoga picked her up and ran. "Sounds good to me!"

"GET BACK HERE, YOU DELINQUENTS!" Hinako roared, charging after them, her temper fuelled further by the sight of Keiko sticking her tongue out at her. "HAPPO NO YEN COIN RETURN!"

Wincing, Ryoga skidded around the corner as the blast impact exploded against the wall behind them. Keiko paused her face pulling for a moment and twisted her face around to glance at him. "You never told me your teacher was Hinako Ninomiya," she said accusingly.

"You never told me she was your arch-nemesis!" Ryoga responded, skidding through a crowd of students, whose expletives quickly died as Hinako-chan pulled out yet another coin. "What's all this about, anyway?" he asked, jumping over a bucket. "Hinako doesn't have a restaurant."

"Y'know that school thing I told you about?" Keiko reminded him.

"Yeah? What about it?"

Keiko was silent for a moment. "Hinako would be a 'Benny'" she admitted.

"A what!" Ryoga asked incredulously, craning his neck to look at her. Unfortunately it meant his attention was diverted.

"Look out for the small lady!" Keiko yelped.

"The what!" Ryoga asked again, wishing she'd make sense.

"HAPPO NO YEN COIN RETURN!" Hinako yelled, forcing the attack out.

The blast impacted into the ground inches behind the fleeing duo, sending them flying through the air. Ryoga just had time to realise who the small lady was before he landed on her. "Uh… Hi Miss Washu," he greeted her, laughing weakly.

Washu growled and pushed him off her. "I'd ask, but I'm not sure I wanna know."

Hinako-chan ran forward out of the smoke. "I'll discipline you both for this!"

"This isn't Ryoga-chan's fault!" Keiko retorted. "You leave him alone!"

Teacher and student winced as the two children leapt towards each other before starting a fight that seemed to consist mainly of screaming and tugging at each other's hair. After a moment's consideration, Ryoga stepped forward hesitantly, then lunged forward, grabbing an ear each. The shrieks of anger quickly became squawks of pain. "That's enough, both of you!" he scolded. "Hinako-sensei, you should know better! And Keiko-chan, I thought I told you to stay at home when I was at school!"

"But she-" they both began. Ryoga pinched their ears a little tighter. "OWWWOWOWOWOW!"

Keiko pulled free. "All right! I promise I won't come to school anymore!" With a parting raspberry at Hinako-chan, she quickly jumped into one of Washu's discarded books.

This time, stern looks were directed solely at Hinako-chan. "Is this why you've been so beastly to me all the time?" Ryoga growled menacingly. "Because she beat you?"

"You can't treat me like this - ow! Stop that!" Hinako-chan shrieked as the grip tightened again.

Washu shook her head sadly and stepped forward. "Both of you - principal's office."

Two surprised faces turned to face her. "What! But I didn't do anything!"

"I'm a teacher!"

"GO!" Washu roared, her head growing to about six times its normal size.

"This is all your fault, you know," Hinako-chan whispered.

Ryoga blinked out of his near-sleep state and blinked blearily at her. "MY fault! I never did anything to you! You were just horrible to me from the start!"

Hinako-chan scowled. "You come from a dysfunctional, delinquent family unit. It was my duty to keep am eye on you!"

"But I didn't DO anything!"

"Don't you yell at me, MEANIE!" Hinako-chan wailed, her eyes filling with hurt tears. How could she explain? That the repeated defeats at the hands of Keiko Hibiki had undermined her authority until she was forced to resign? There's no way I'm going through that again - I'm in charge here!

Ryoga slumped back in defeat. Maybe I should become a monk.

Ukyo sat down at an empty lunch table, preoccupied with her thoughts. She'd have to fire Ryoko and Ayeka. That wasn't a problem - in fact, she was looking forward to it. Noooo… the problem was going to be trying to make her best waitress work weekends now he had a little sister to take care of. With any luck, she'll get lost for another seven years, she thought to herself moodily.

She almost didn't notice the object of her thoughts until he sat down next to her, rested his head in his arms and promptly fell asleep. "Ryoga!"

No answer.

With a slight scowl, she leaned over and poked him on the arm. "Hey!"

Still no answer.

With a growl of exasperation, she reached forward and grabbed him by the collar and slapped him across the face several times. "Wake up!"

Ryoga's eyes flickered open slowly and focused on her. "Hnrg?" he asked intelligently, absently rubbing his cheek.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Ryoga? You've been like some kinda zombie all day!" Ukyo hissed. A slight note of concern crept into her voice. "You ARE sleeping OK now, aren't you?"

"…Okonomiyaki…"

Ukyo blinked. "Pardon?" she asked in confusion.

Sleepy green eyes fixed on her. "Can I… have… some okonomiyaki… please?"

pikapika Ukyo let go of his collar. "I-I… guess so. What kind?"

"Any kind," Ryoga whispered, letting his head drop back into his hands.

Regarding him suspiciously, she pulled out her portable grill and quickly whipped up a seafood special. "Here," she stated simply, pushing it under his nose.

With great effort, he opened his eyes and lifted his head up off the table. Then, in a trance-like state, he picked up his chopsticks and began to eat. Ukyo's eyebrows connected with her hair at the sheer speed it disappeared at. "Uh…"

"More," he commanded, handing the plate back. Not quite daring to argue, Ukyo made two more this time and silently handed them to him. Three seconds later they were gone. Solemnly he handed the plate back again. "More."

"But- but-" Ukyo gazed at him, incredulous. "What is the MATTER with you!"

"I need… more okonomiyaki," he mumbled, already feeling sleep creeping up on him. Part of him rebelled violently, scared by the overwhelming tiredness that had been creeping up all day. The rest of him simply wanted to give in, to sleep a peaceful, dreamless sleep… He was already out cold by the time his head hit the table.

"All right, ALL RIGHT!" Ukyo yelled, more in fear than anything else. "I'll make the dumb okonomiyaki, just wake up!"

"zzzzzz…"

"I said I'll make it!" Ukyo quickly whipped up another five and waved them under his nose. "Here."

Another few slaps brought Ryoga out of dreamland and he quickly wolfed down the okonomiyaki. However, by the third he was slowing down and by the fifth, he was eating normally. "Thanks, Ukyo. I needed that," he said gratefully.

Ukyo sighed, already missing her nickname. "What's up with you? It's not like you to just fall asleep like that-"

"I'm tired. Sue me," Ryoga cut in, in a weary voice.

A few minutes of silence crept, wandered, crawled and generally skulked by as they both struggled to think of something to say that didn't refer to any touchy subjects. Finally Ukyo decided to open her mouth. "Will you be able to work weekends?"

"Weekends?" Ryoga considered it for a moment. "I don't really think I can. I have to take care of Keiko."

Shoot! Ukyo thought angrily. She pasted a small smile on her face. "Well, surely Urd or Skuld wouldn't mind taking care of her for you…"

"They already offered to take care of her during the week," Ryoga pointed out.

"Well…" Ukyo considered her options. "How about Kasumi? She might like to take care of her."

Ryoga perked up. "How about I bring her to the restaurant and -"

"I'm NOT having that little THIEF in my restaurant!" Ukyo interrupted without thinking.

"She is NOT a thief!" Ryoga snapped back, banging his fist down on the table.

CRACK

"Oopsy," he winced, quickly looking around to see if anyone had witnessed the table's untimely end.

Somebody had. "Hibiki, Kuonji, principal's office NOW!"

Ukyo decided once again that Principal Kuno was obviously short a few marbles as she scribbled on the blackboard. It wasn't his choice of punishment - writing lines out was pretty common as far as she could see. But the lines, oh the lines! "I will not stand by and let my ex-fiancee bust tables without prior teacher consent," she mumbled, mentally counting down the numbers to 150. She was on 125.

Over the other side of the room, Ryoga glared at the numerously scrawled 'I must not break tables on school grounds unless the reason is first cleared by the principal' with venom. "This sucks," he muttered acidly. "I should be registering Keiko-chan in school."

"Like that would keep her out of trouble," Ukyo mumbled quietly under her breath.

Not quietly enough. Ryoga spun around, the chalk crumbling in his grip. "Look, would you just shut up! So she's not the best behaved child in the world…"

Ukyo hissed in exasperation. "Ry-O-ga! She's a jailbird! She should be kept under lock and key! She's the reason Hinako-sensei's always mad at you!"

"It's not Keiko-chan's fault Hinako happens to be prejudiced against every member of my family!" Ryoga shot back.

"Oh, I am, am I?" asked an icy voice from the doorway.

Ryoga yiiied and froze solid. "Hi-Hi-Hinako-sensei! Wha-wh-wh…"

Hinako-chan crossed the room sternly and examined the blackboards. "OK Kuonji, you can go now. Hibiki, write TWO hundred and fifty times, 'My teacher is all-powerful and I will respect and honour her during my time in her class and beyond."

Ryoga closed his eyes and leaned his head against the board with a whimper. It was going to be a loooong night.

End Part IIX

PART IX

Now I Lay Thee Down to Sleep…

"Work!" The fork slipped out of Keiko's hand and clattered to the ground as she stared in disbelief at her brother. "Why would you want to work!"

Ryoga cast her a blank stare for a moment to try and comprehend what she was asking him. "To… earn money to pay for things?" he said slowly.

Keiko flushed slightly, remembering the stern lecture she'd received about taking money and goods from people. "I meant, why do you want to work for that nasty Ukyo lady?"

Ryoga sighed. "She's my friend, Keiko-chan-"

"GIRL-friend?" Keiko said innocently.

Ryoga sputtered speechlessly for a few seconds before managing to reply. "She is NOT and never has been my girlfriend!" he insisted, all too aware of the burning in his cheeks.

"Sorry," Keiko apologised, a slight smirk playing on her lips. "I meant fiancee."

Another few moments of helpless spluttering followed. "Whu-whu-where did you hear that nonsense!"

"From Urd," Keiko replied innocently. Neglecting the part that stated it had been from the other side of a locked door.

Silence passed for a moment and Keiko calmly started eating her chips with her fingers. "Well, she's not my fiancee anymore," Ryoga admitted. "But I have to work. I owe someone a lot of money. Promise you'll be a good girl until I get back, Imoto?" he asked fondly.

Keiko beamed. "Sure thing, Ryoga-chan." Yeah, right.

"Here'z y'r order," Ryoga-chan managed to mumble sleepily, depositing the order in front of Mina, Bunny (now sporting infinitely shorter pigtails) and Darien. She yawned and made her way back to the counter, her eyes feeling like lead. Why am I so tired? she thought groggily, picking up the next order. The constant tiredness was beginning to worry her, despite trying to convince herself it must still be a side effect of Washu's medicine.

"Hello?"

"Yiiiii!" Ryoga-chan jumped out of her skin in fright.

Maika and Miyu backed up a bit. "Are you OK? You look all spaced out," Miyu commented.

"I'm fine," she lied, yawning widely. "Just a l'il sleepy."

The two shrugged, obviously satisfied with the reply. "Have you seen Mihoshi? We're supposed to be meeting her here," Maika asked.

Ryoga-chan shook her head. "No, haven't seen her."

"You're just not paying attention," a voice commented behind her.

For the second time, Ryoga-chan yiiiiiiied in fright and flipped around. "Mihoshi! I didn't see you!"

Mihoshi tipped her head to one side. "Do you feel well? You've been acting weird all day."

"I'm FINE," she repeated again, somewhat irritably. Finally, she spotted Ukyo waving at her. "'Scuse me," she apologised, jogging back over to the counter. "What is it?"

Ukyo looked at her in concern. "Are you sure you're all right? You look half asleep."

Ryoga-chan growled in annoyance, not noticing as she shredded the teacloth in her hands. "I swear, if anyone else asks me if I'm all right, I'm going to scream!"

"OK, OK!" Ukyo handed her two specials, one seafood, a tea and a cola. "These are for table seven. That's the table with the two blond girls and the guy who looks like Magical Guy Makoto."

Ryoga-chan nodded absently, trying to ignore how faint the smell of okonomiyaki was making her feel. "Sure."

Suddenly the door exploded inwards. "Give us all your money and valuables!" yelled the masked intruders. The Furinkan crowd immediately realised that these were not the animal-masked geeks who often beat up Gosunkugi.

"Eeeek! Kagato!" screamed Mihoshi.

"Eeeeek! CHAOS!" screamed Maika and Miyu.

"Eeeeeek! Dark Moon!" screamed Mina, Bunny and Darien. (Although Darien's scream possessed less 'eeeek' than the girls.)

"Eeeeeeeeek! My DOOR!" wailed Ukyo.

The punks fanned out, barring the doorway. One of them, maskless but with an ugly scar running down his face, stepped forward, wielding an iron bar threateningly. "Who's the manager here?" he sneered. Silence flooded the room.

Ukyo stepped forward. "I am. What the hell do you want?"

He leered at her. "Me and the boys just want a quiet meal on the house."

Ukyo crossed her arms and fixed him with a stony glare. "In your dreams, jackass."

The smirk vanished to be replaced by an angry scowl. "You're pretty cute, chick. But if you wanna keep that cute face, I suggest you do as we ask," he hissed, grabbing her wrist and pulling her forward slightly.

Ukyo pulled back. "Listen, you pompous-"

"Get your hands off her," Ryoga-chan ordered, stepping forward.

Scarface stared at her for a second, then released his hold on Ukyo's wrist. "And what are you going to do about it, little girl?" he jeered.

Ryoga-chan twitched dangerously. "Little girl!" she hissed, battle aura flaring.

The gang closed in, sensing a fight, leaving the dinner crowd to seriously consider the merits of dining at the Cat Café for the rest of their meal. Scarface stepped forward, smirking madly. "Yeah, little girl. What's your problem, got a crush on your boss or something?"

Uh-oh. Bad choice of words, Ukyo thought with a wince.

The small teen turned an nasty shade of red. "OK ugly. You asked for it!" She raised a hand. "LIGHTNING ARROW!"

A bolt of electricity flew from her fingertips and encircled Scarface with a loud ZZZZRRKRATTT. There was a short silence. "Cool," commented one guy, wearing a Jason Vorhees hockey mask. "She's kinda like a Pikachu, huh boss?"

Scarface shakily stood up, brushing at his charred clothing. Ryoga-chan fixed him with a smug grin. "Had enough?"

"Get the bitch!" Scarface commanded.

Ukyo stepped forward, holding her spatula. "You asked for-"

"Let me deal with it," Ryoga-chan interrupted.

Ukyo scowled. "What, you don't think I can handle it!"

Ryoga-chan backed away. "I know you can handle every one of these guys! I just don't want you to get caught in one of my attacks and get hurt, OK?" She spun around and lashed out a kick at the main goon. Sending him flying backwards into one of the wall supports.

Ukyo winced and stepped back. "All right, you deal with it."

Ryoga-chan grinned viciously. "Glad to." Jumping into the air, she threw several bandannas at the closest goons before sending a wave of freezing cold air crashing into them. Gasping for breath in the wave of thin air, they quickly passed out. Landing in front of the second group, she gave them the courtesy of a nasty glare before encircling them with a ring of fire. Fry, you bastards! she thought viciously.

Ukyo sweatdropped as the punks yelled in pain. "Ryoga, I think that's enough." Ryoga-chan ignored her, a strange smile on her face. "Ryoga?" Still no response. With a sigh, she unsheathed her giant spatula and prepared to smack the girl unconscious if necessary.

However, much to her surprise, before she'd taken two steps forward, the fire flickered and went out as Ryoga-chan collapsed onto the floor. With a small yelp, Ukyo rushed over to her side and rolled her over. The concern was very quickly replaced with disbelief. She's ASLEEP!

"I've tried absolutely EVERYTHING, but he just won't wake up," Ukyo explained.

"Who'd wanna wake up and see your ugly mug first thing?" Keiko muttered.

Urd and Skuld swapped a glance. "Has he been craving anything in particular?" Skuld asked slowly.

Ukyo thought about it for a moment, slightly puzzled by the question. "He wanted okonomiyaki. Why?"

The goddesses whispered to each other quietly. "Just like Belldandy," Urd commented.

Skuld nodded. "Yggdrsil still isn't on line and she said he was flash-frying a bunch of crooks before he fell asleep."

"So he's out of power?" Urd checked.

"Yup." Skuld fiddled with her moonstone bracelet. "Okonomiyaki would've recharged him a bit, but now he's not staying here, his power's gone kaput. One quick zap with the bracelet should take care of it for now though."

Urd pushed her back a bit, an evil grin sweeping across her face. "Not yet. I have an idea!" She sauntered back over to where Ukyo was trying not to hit Keiko. "We've worked out how to wake him up!"

"How?" Keiko and Ukyo asked simultaneously.

"Why, a kiss from a beautiful maiden of course!" Urd proclaimed happily, ignoring her sister who was groaning quietly in the background.

There was a silence. "You're kidding, right?" Ukyo said slowly.

"Why would I kid about something like that?" Urd asked innocently.

"I'll do it," Keiko responded cheerfully. "I'm a beautiful maiden."

"Sorry squirt. You only qualify as a maiden when your age ends in teen," Urd pointed out disdainfully.

"Where'd you read that, the bumper book of lies?" Skuld muttered quietly.

The elder goddess ignored her and gave Ukyo a Look. "How about it? After all, it's not like it'd be your first time."

Ukyo shook her head violently. "Not gonna do it. No way on-"

"Skuld, you know Mihoshi's phone number?"

"-On the other hand, how terrible could it be," Ukyo finished.

Keiko scowled. Skuld groaned. Urd grinned. "That's the spirit! You go, girl!"

Ukyo didn't budge. "What, right now?"

Urd nodded. "Of course now! No time like the present!" she encouraged, pushing Ukyo through the door.

Ukyo slowly made her way across the room where she'd carried the unconscious girl some time earlier. "I can't believe I'm actually seriously considering this!" she grumbled, kneeling down at the side of the futon. She paused, then frowned and walked back over to the door.

The other three crashed into a heap on the floor as the door swung open. "What!" Skuld protested defiantly.

Ukyo flushed. "I just remembered he's a girl."

"What!" Keiko asked curiously.

Urd shrugged. "So the way I see it, you've got two options. One, turn him back or two, let me cook you a nice yummy okonom-"

"I'll go get some hot water," Ukyo cut in.

"What did she mean, he's a girl?" Keiko questioned as soon as Ukyo disappeared into the bathroom to fill a jug with hot water.

"Hush. Ask your brother when he wakes up," Skuld commanded as Ukyo reappeared. The door slammed shut again.

After a moments pause to consider whether she had truly lost her mind, Ukyo emptied the contents of the jug over Ryoga-chan. She paused a moment longer. "Oops."

"Maybe it would've been a good idea to take off the waitress outfit first?" Skuld suggested through the door.

"Shut up!" Ukyo snapped in embarrassment. She turned her concentration back to the still-sleeping figure. Then she stood up and walked back over to the door.

The other three once again crashed to a heap on the floor. "What now!" Skuld complained crossly.

"You're sure there's no other way?" Ukyo pleaded.

"You're just chicken," Keiko said rudely.

Ukyo scowled and shut the door again. For the third time she knelt down. OK Kuonji. You can do this, she thought fiercely, her cheeks burning. Like Urd said, it wouldn't be the first time. And it could be worse - It's not like I have to shave my head and dance around naked. Sweat dripped off the end of her nose as she leaned forward and she was painfully aware of how loud her heart seemed to be beating. She gave the sleeping Lost Boy a last look in the half light before screwing her eyes shut. I can do this, I can!

There was a long pause. Outside, the three other girls held their breath. Why is she taking so long! Urd griped to herself. Suddenly, the door flew open again and they crashed to the floor. "Ouch." Ukyo glared down at her before swinging the business end of the spatula down upon her skull. "Ouch," she repeated again, rubbing her head. "What was-"

"It didn't work!" Ukyo spat, her face flaming. "I can't believe I actually believed you!"

"Course it didn't work," Keiko said scornfully. "She said beautiful maiden."

"Wha-" Ukyo's face turned even redder, a feat which until that moment seemed impossible. "You little-" She turned away angrily. "I'd strangle you if I could do it without making your brother hate me forevermore," she muttered under her breath.

Skuld sighed. "Let ME try something." She switched on the light and stepped over Urd into the room. "Hey Ryoga, wakey wakey," she whispered softly, slipping the bracelet off her wrist and kneeling down on the edge of the futon. Ukyo gazed over her shoulder in curiosity as the young goddess slipped the bracelet over his fingers, not bothering to try and force it any further.

After what seemed like an eternity, Ryoga opened his eyes. "Where am I?"

Ukyo heaved a sigh of relief. "You're at my restaurant, silly."

"What happened?" he asked in confusion, sitting up. There was a loud tearing noise. "Oops."

"That was my fault," Ukyo admitted.

Skuld nodded. "She had to turn you back somphmgh!"

"Feeling better?" Ukyo enquired, not lifting her hand from Skuld's mouth.

"Yes…" he said slowly, rubbing his head. "But what hap-"

"Ryoga-chan!" Keiko squealed, launching herself at him and knocking him over backwards. "They said you were a girl! How can you turn into a girl!"

Quietly leaving him to deal with the questions, Ukyo dragged Skuld out of the room, stepping over Urd as they did so. "Right. I want answers," she said menacingly. "What the hell happened to Ryoga and how did you wake him up!"

"Uh…" Skuld stalled, looking pleadingly at Urd for help. Come on, Urd! You're good at lying!

Almost as if hearing her sister's silent plea, Urd stepped forward. And walked past her. "I need a drink," she muttered, leaving Skuld glaring after her.

"Well?" Ukyo prompted sweetly.

Skuld gulped. "Wellllll…" She started slowly. "A little while ago, we discovered that Urd was heir to the Lord Of Terror," she explained, carefully explaining the background details and still trying to think of a way she could finish without giving too much away. "Basically, it ended with my sister Belldandy breaking her seal and defeating her. But the Yggdrisal system was knocked out and all our powers went peculiar. Urd started craving sake, me, ice cream and Belldandy just slept all the time-"

"What does that have to do with Ryoga? He's not some kind of god, is he?" Ukyo said, asking the question she'd been most dreading.

Goodbye first class promotion, hello porkie-pies, Skuld thought glumly, preparing to lie her ass off.

End Part IX

PART X

Mathilde.

"School is THIS way," Ukyo reprimanded. "You'll end up in Hokkaido if you go that way."

"I like Hokkaido," Ryoga grouched. He kicked at a stone which had the misfortune to be in his way and found itself flying through several lampposts before coming to a stop a quarter of a mile away. "I'd much rather zap myself to school through a mirror."

"Sorry I'm such lousy company," Ukyo said curtly, a look of annoyance crossing her face.

"I mean because I get lost," Ryoga pointed out. "I like walking with you. What I don't like is walking and ending up in Russia."

"Russia!" Ukyo repeated in disbelief.

"Too hot for my liking."

Ukyo decided not to think about that. "Look on the bright side," she said cheerfully.

Ryoga scowled. "What bright side? As far as I can see, there's one dark side and another dark side."

"Well, maybe one of those sides is brighter than the other one – look at that one." Ukyo laughed at the look on his face. "Come on, cheer up! So you can't use your new flash frying techniques on Ranma and you have to walk everywhere again. At least it'll give you a chance to work on your other skills some more," she pointed out.

"I think I'd have more fun flash frying Ranma."

With a small sigh, Ukyo decided to change the subject. "So what are you going to go to the Halloween party as?" she enquired innocently.

"Haven't really thought about it," he admitted.

A wicked grin crossed her face. "I know what you should go as," she said lightly, pretending the idea had just occurred to her. "Magical Guy Makoto."

Ryoga stopped. "You what!" he asked aghast.

"You should go to the Halloween party as Magical Guy Makoto," she repeated. "It'll be funny!"

Ryoga crossed his arms. "No way, no and Never!"

Ukyo put on her best pout. "Not even if I say pretty please?"

"NO!"

"But you'd look soooo cute," she cooed. "All the girls like him – think of all the attention you'd get!" she wheedled, enjoying watching him squirm. She hoped he'd take the bait – not only would it be fun to see exactly how similar they looked, but she'd also hinted to half her class that Magical Guy Makoto would be there and after he spent the night trying to fend off star struck classmates, she'd finally be able to fully forgive him. After all, I don't see why I shouldn't have just a little fun after what him and Ranma pulled, she justified.

Ryoga melted into a little puddle on the floor (not really, you wallys!). "Uh….." he began intelligently, trying to will himself not to give in. A sudden uncharacteristic thought jumped into his head. "Sure-"

"Great!"

"If you go as Sailor Mars," he finished.

Ukyo looked stunned. "Pardon!"

"If you want me to go as Magical Guy Makoto, you go as Sailor Mars," he repeated cheerfully.

"Bu- bu-" she stuttered in amazement, before giving in. "All right, you win," she scowled. "I'll go as Sailor Mars. Come on, hurry up or we'll be late," she added, dragging him along by the sleeve.

As they passed through the school gates, some sixth sense made him look up. And not a moment too soon. Grabbing Ukyo by the wrist, he jumped backwards as a figure descended from the gatepost screaming the traditional "Prepare to DIE!"

A sharp sword hit the concrete where they'd been a second ago and a slim, female figure landed in front of them. "Today you run no longer," she hissed, pulling the sword out of the concrete.

"I don't know you," Ryoga admitted. "Are you sure you're not looking for Ranma Saotome?"

"I don't know her either!" Ranma objected from his vantage perch on the wall behind them where he'd settled upon the prospect of seeing action.

The girl shook her head and short, lilac hair fanned out around her. "This does not concern you. My fight is with YOU, Ukyo Kuonji!"

Ukyo blinked as she found herself staring down the blade of a sword. "Who, ME!" She paused. "Why?"

The newcomer crashed to the ground in disbelief. "Y-you don't recognise me! Me, the girl whose life you destroyed!"

A feeling of deja-vu swept through the crowd. "Hold on a sec," Ukyo stalled. She jogged over to the main building, filled a bucket of water from a convenient tap and jogged back, then tossed the water over the newcomer.

"Hyyyyyyyyiiiiiiiiiiii! What the HELL do you think you're playing at, you !"

"Sorry. Just checking," Ukyo explained apologetically.

The other girl plucked irritably at her shirt which was now soaked through. "Do you have any idea how much this will cost to dry-clean, you thoughtless cow!"

Ukyo blinked. "Wait a moment! I recognise that line!" she yelped, waving an arm in the other girl's general direction. "Matilda Tanya-Tompson!"

The girl turned an angry purple colour as her blood pressure skyrocketed. "It's Mathilde Tara-Thompkinson, you idiot! Why can you never remember that!" She pointed the sword at Ukyo again. "Ukyo Kuonji, pre-"

"Ukyo, I don't mean to interrupt, but you don't have time for this now," Ryoga cut in, pointing at the school clock. As if on cue, the bell struck.

Ukyo waved apologetically at Mathilde. "This can wait, right?"

Mathilde smirked. "Sure. I have… something to do anyway," she said mysteriously before running down the road, cackling madly.

"So Uc-Ukyo, what's that Mathilde want with you?" Ranma asked at lunch that day.

Ukyo scowled. "What do you care?" she growled, giving him the glare of death and turning him into a small heap of ashes.

"I was just concerned," he squeaked, backing away. As soon as he was safely out of range, he ran.

Ukyo continued eating for a moment, before giving up. "What?" she sighed, putting down her chopsticks and glancing at Ryoga.

"I didn't say anything," he said in surprise.

"But you want to know, right?" she persisted.

"Well, yes," he admitted. "After all, whenever people turn up out of the blue screaming for your life, it's usually because you either kicked them into a cursed spring, or you're engaged to them."

Ukyo winced. "Close." She sighed. "You know Tsubasa?"

"How could I forget."

"Well, when he first arrived in Nerima, Akane asked why I didn't just tell him straight away that I was a girl." She drummed her fingers on the table. "Well, the reason is…"

Flashback

Pan down a narrow, bustling street in central Kyoto. The camera zooms in on a small street café where a thirteen year-old Ukyo has set up temporary residence.

(Ukyo voiceover) After seven years, I finally had enough money to start my own business. But I needed a waitress. The first three I interviewed were atrocious…

Girl one scowls at a customer and thrusts the plate at her. "Here. That's 150 yen, don't forget the tip or else!"

Girl two takes the plate from Ukyo and giggles madly. She delivers the okonomiyaki, still giggling madly and returns to the counter, still giggling.

Girl three trips over a bag. Stumbling on her stiletto heels, she regains her balance, then wobbles cautiously forward, managing five steps before toppling to the floor. The okonomiyaki finds a new career as a hat.

(Ukyo voiceover) Then I interviewed Mathilde. She seemed pretty normal and she took the work seriously, although she would get a bit twitchy when I called her Matilda by accident several times.

Mathilde delivers okonomiyaki to customers with a commercial-bright smile on her face. Ukyo pokes her head around the door. "Matilda, can you take this over to table two?" Mathilde's smile wobbles dangerously and her clenched fingers dig deep grooves on the plate.

(Ukyo voiceover) Her parents were from France, crepe chefs or something similar, so she knew a little about the technique in making okonomiyaki. So I decided to teach her how to cook. After a few weeks, she started acting really funny, so I confronted her, and she said she loved me-

(Ryoga voiceover) What!

(Sound of a head being hit with tempered steel)

(Ukyo voiceover) It was three years ago and she thought I was a boy! Now will you let me continue!

Mathilde hugs a shocked, paralysed Ukyo and moves in to kiss her. Breaking out of her shock, Ukyo pulls away, falling over backwards. Undeterred, Mathilde pounces on her. Ukyo manages to dodge and jumps to her feet. "Mathilde, stop it!"

Mathilde looks coyly at her. "What's the matter, cherie? Don't you feel the same way too?" Her expression darkens. "You DO feel the same way, don't you!"

Ukyo sighs. "Mathilde… I don't know how to say this, but…" She unbuttons her shirt. "I'm a girl too." She blinks. "Well, whaddya know, I did know how to say it!"

Mathilde's hair stands out on end. "You WHAT!" she screams, Fuji erupting from the top of her head. "How could you DO this to me!"

"Err…"

"I'll never forgive you for this – you've RUINED my life!" Mathilde runs away, sobbing wildly, leaving a rather shocked-looking Ukyo behind her. Mathilde pauses in the doorway. "I swear, Ukyo Kuonji, I'll get you for this! I'll take away everything that makes you happy!"

End Flashback

"I thought it was just one of those heat of the moment threats, but after that, whenever somebody claimed to love me, I would say I was already engaged as it seemed less humiliating than finding out I wasn't really a boy," Ukyo finished, staring at her dinner. "I never EVER thought she'd actually follow me here."

"So what do you think she's going to do?" Ryoga asked slowly.

"Destroy my happiness, ruin my life?" Ukyo suggested with a quirky grin. "Turn me into a lesser-spotted meerkat, how should I know? I'll just have to wait and see."

Mathilde was waiting outside the school as they left. Ukyo almost didn't notice her until the sword shot out and almost impaled her in the stomach. "Good evening, MR Kuonji," Mathilde purred.

Ukyo bristled, then smiled sweetly. "Hello, MATILDA."

Mathilde's grip on her sword tightened. "I wish to-"

"Ukyo…" a voice interrupted. Ukyo turned around and glanced at Ryoga, who yawned bashfully. "Uh… can I have some okonomiyaki?"

Her gaze travelled to where a rather charred Ranma lay prone on the floor. "Oh, you didn't!" she scolded, although the expression on his face clearly stated he had.

"I forgot," he protested. A second later, he jumped backwards, startled, as okonomiyaki appeared under his nose.

"Here you go, sweetheart," Mathilde purred, smiling seductively and holding out the okonomiyaki enticingly. Ukyo glared at her and the seductive smile widened. "What's your name, handsome?"

Ukyo stepped forward, pushing the okonomiyaki towards him. "He's Ryoga and he's nothing to do with you," she said, snappier than she'd intended.

"Oh? What's he to do with you?" Mathilde asked coyly, but with a menacing undertone.

"He…" Ukyo paused momentarily. "He works for me. As a waiter."

"Hmm." Mathilde digested this piece of information. "Well, as I was saying, I wish to issue to you a formal challenge. To a sword fight. We will fight tomorrow afternoon, upon these grounds. Is that suitable?" she challenged.

"Anytime, Thompson," Ukyo growled, crossing her arms.

"Winner takes all," Mathilde continued, "as in 'all' being your young man there."

Ryoga paused in the middle of his okonomiyaki, startled green eyes fixed upon the two girls. "What!"

Ukyo also looked just as startled. "What!"

"You heard me."

Ukyo looked slowly from Ryoga to Mathilde and slowly shook her head. "No."

"You doubt your own ability then?" the other girl asked innocently.

"No!"

"Then why not?" Mathilde probed. "although, if you think you can't win…"

"Hey, anything you can do, I can do better!" Ukyo snapped.

"Then we have a deal?"

Ukyo nodded, although a small part of her felt as though she were signing away her firstborn as she reached out and shook Mathilde's hand. "You've got it."

"Great!" Mathilde grinned perkily. "See you tomorrow!" she called, hopping over the wall.

The remains of the okonomiyaki slid out of Ryoga's grip as he redirected his stunned gaze solely on Ukyo. She grinned guiltily at him. "So… uh…" She stopped talking and stared at her feet.

"Did you just agree to make me the prize in a duel?" Ryoga asked slowly.

"Umm… yes?"

He considered her answer for a moment before slowly continuing. "Ukyo, do you know how to actually USE a sword?"

"Sure!" Ukyo said confidently. You hold the blunt end, you poke the sharp end in people.

Maybe it was worry. Or conscience. Although it was far more likely to have been the sight of Kuno racing after Ranma with a bokken that made Ukyo realise that there was probably more to sword fighting than holding the blunt end and poking with the other and that it would probably be a worthwhile idea to practise a little. With a small sigh of resignation, she made for the Cat Café.

Shampoo opened the door, her face registering surprise when she saw who was standing there. "What you want, Spatula Girl?"

"Hey, Shampoo!" Ukyo chirped cheerfully. "You know um… I um… we're… Can I borrow your sword?" she finally blurted.

Shampoo looked suspicious. "Is not to kill Ryoga?"

"No!"

"OK then," she shrugged. "You wait, I go get." She reappeared moments later and held out a wicked looking sword. "You bring back clean, no blood," the young Amazon warned. "Or great-grandmother will have Shampoo's head on platter."

"Thank you," Ukyo said gratefully. She walked home slowly, carefully outlining her plan of action in her head. She would close for today and practise in the back garden. Then tomorrow, she'd kick Mathilde's scrawny little butt back to Kyoto, or even to France! That pleasant thought still in her mind, she completely forgot to phone her waiter and tell him not to come in.

Ryoga and Keiko were practically hopping up and down with impatience by the time Skuld and Urd arrived home. "Whereisitwhereisit?" Keiko interrogated as soon as Skuld appeared from the kettle.

"Did you ask him to make the bracelets?" Ryoga asked with a little more self control than his younger sibling.

Skuld sighed. "We asked. You don't get them for at least two weeks."

"What! Why!" they wailed in unison.

Urd appeared behind them, having come in through the television in the living room. "Because Keichii has 'flu and Belldandy won't let him go anywhere near school for two weeks at the very least in case he passes it on to somebody. She almost didn't let us back when we told her there was a kid here, but we explained that we'd need to pass the information on, so we've both been dosed up with medicine and orders to do the same to you," she finished, producing a large bottle and a teaspoon from other-space and forcing a large dose down their throats before they could protest.

"I've got to go to work now," Ryoga said with a groan. "If I eat a lot while I'm there, that should be enough to get me back later, right?"

"Uh-huh." Skuld fixed with a stern look. "But remember, you have GOT to be very careful! The zap I gave you yesterday won't last long, so don't do anything dumb like trying to fry Ranma."

Ryoga laughed, slightly unnerved. "Uh… heh… well um… bye!"

"Helloooo?" Ryoga looked around and quickly reached the conclusion that seeing as his head was still attached to his neck, there was no-one in the bathroom. Pausing only to splash a little cold water on himself and a quick dress change, she bounced down the stairs, mentally running through her list of excuses for being late. However, when she reached the main restaurant, the words died on her lips. The restaurant was deserted.

A puzzled frown on her face, she moved over to the door and checked the notice. Closed. And the door was locked. The frown deepened. Why would she close the restaurant? she mused, wandering aimlessly, not noticing as her footsteps took her over to the back door.

Outside, Ukyo vented her frustrations on the wooden practise dummy. Somehow, she'd thought that sword fighting would be similar to spatula fighting, but the weapon refused to co-operate. For starters, she could only hold it with one hand and she'd sustained a nasty cut across her palm when she'd automatically reached out to adjust the weight and the grip she had now felt clumsy and awkward. She lashed out angrily, her yell of anger turning into a yelp of pain when the blade hit the dummy at an odd angle and jerked out of her hands. This is hopeless! she thought to herself, tears welling up in her eyes. I should never have accepted that challenge! How on earth anyone could be expected to resist that girl though… she knew just which buttons to push.

"You're not holding it right," Ryoga-chan said quietly, walking up behind her. She bent down and picked up the discarded sword, and with three swift strokes turned the dummy into a small pile of firewood. "You need to hold it like this," she demonstrated, before handing it back.

Ukyo tried out the new grip and was surprised to find that the sword didn't feel as awkward as it had. "Thank you," she said gratefully, swinging the sword through the air. She shot a careful glance in the other girl's direction. "You never told me you could use a sword."

Ryoga-chan dodged the blade as it whistled dangerously close to her head. "You never told me you couldn't," she replied dryly.

Ukyo flushed. "Sorry. I didn't realise it would be so hard…"

"Then why don't you back out?" the other girl suggested.

Ukyo blinked. "What?"

"Umm… nothing?" Ryoga-chan said quickly, the golf-club feeling washing over her.

"You don't think I can do it!" Ukyo snapped.

"Not when you hold the sword like that, I don't."

Ukyo was silent for a second. "So you don't care that my honour will be in shreds?" she said curtly.

"Of course I care!" the other girl cried, jumping to her feet. "But why did you agree to it if you knew you couldn't do it!"

"Hey, it's not like YOU never accepted a challenge for something you couldn't do!"

"Like what-"

"Ice skating," Ukyo cut in smugly.

Ryoga-chan opened her mouth to say at least her entire future hadn't been at stake then, then remembered that it had. Then she opened her mouth to say at least there hadn't been a person at stake then, then shut it again when she realised that if she said that, she'd probably end up in orbit. Finally she let out a dismal sigh. "You're right. You should fight her. But…" She managed a small smile. "Could you let me help you train a little?"

Throughout school the next day, Ukyo was more jittery than Ranma at the prospect of eating Akane's cooking. She'd manage to master the basics of hold the blunt end, poke with the other, but she was seriously beginning to think that the only way she'd realistically be able to win would be to bust the ring and throw large rocks at Mathilde.

She was also rather unnerved by the number of people coming up to her and wishing her luck. "I know news of fights travels fast around here, but how did they all find out?" she finally wailed to Akane.

Akane blinked slowly, then pointed to a huge poster behind her. "Maybe that gave them a clue?" she said slowly.

The poster showed Mathilde looking vulnerable and a badly scrawled Ukyo in her male disguise. Underneath, it screamed promise of action, blood and perspiration for at least one minute.

"Hwah!" Ukyo covered her mouth with her hands. "Who put that there!"

"The new girl," Hiroshi said as he passed by.

"New… girl?" Ukyo repeated slowly.

Hiroshi nodded. "The really hot new girl with the lilac hair," he grinned, disappearing around the corner.

Had something to do, did she? I'll bet she did! Ukyo began to glow with anger and tore the poster off the wall. "I hate her and I can't wait to carve that smug grin off her face," she hissed, stomping around the corner, Akane following at as safe a distance behind as possible. She stopped short at the sight of Mathilde surrounded by a heaving crowd of boys. "What the…" Her eyes narrowed as she realised what was going on.

Mathilde was selling okonomiyaki - to HER crowd!

The fiery aura blazed harder. "How DARE she!" she seethed.

Akane picked up a leaflet. "She's selling them at a cheaper price than you," she pointed out. "But I'll bet her cooking's nowhere near as good as yours. And look - it's only guys like Hiroshi and Daisuke there. They're only there to ogle her, not to buy anything. " She smiled reassuringly. "I shouldn't worry if I- HEY!" The smile was instantly replaced by a dark frown and she dived into the crowd. Ukyo blinked in surprise for a second, then realised what had made Akane so mad when she emerged from the crowd, dragging Ranma by the ear, screaming madly at him.

Ranma looked guiltily at Ukyo. "Uh… hi?"

"You brought her okonomiyaki," Ukyo said quietly.

"No!" Ranma protested. "She gave it to me."

"RANMA NO BAKA!" Ukyo and Akane screamed in unison. Then with a surprising show of co-operation, withdrew their weapons and swatted him through the ceiling.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girl, aquatransexuals and cross-dressers…"

"Tell me again who's idea it was to make Nabiki the commentator," Ranma grumbled to Ryoga, the former sporting a lovely black eye from his earlier trip through the ceiling.

"…Welcome to the fight of… this week, a battle for the hand – and the rest - of Nerima's most popular aquatransexual, Ryoga Hibiki!" she finished.

"I though I was Nerima's most popular aquawatchimacallits!" Ranma protested.

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "My dear Ranma. Count your fiancees. You have one, Ryoga has-"

"Actually, I don't have any," Ryoga interrupted. All eyes turned to him and he flushed slightly. "Well… uh… Shampoo's engaged to Tsubasa now and Ukyo…"

"Dumped you and threw you in the river. I remember that now," Nabiki finished thoughtfully. She turned back to Ranma. "Look at it this way. How many girls do you see over there fighting for you?"

"None," he answered.

"And how many are fighting for Ryoga?" she prompted.

"Uh….. two?"

Nabiki grinned at patted his head. "Very good! Next week we'll moved onto double digits!" She ran back to the middle of the makeshift ring and posed for the crowd, then introduced the two contenders. "On my right, we have the Queen – or King of the Crossdressers-"

"Hey!"

"The ruthless but charming, cute to boot and best chef in Nerima, Ukyo Kuonji!"

"That's better," Ukyo muttered.

Nabiki grinned. "Just a bit of fun," she explained, before returning to her speech. "And on my left-"

A sword pricked her just behind the left ear. "Don't try to be funny unless you really, really want to be short one ear," Mathilde purred.

Nabiki gulped. "On my left, Matilda-ouch! Mathilde Tara-Thompkinson!" she announced, making a break for the crowd cover.

A fraction of a second later, the air was filled with the sound of metal upon metal as the two girls leapt for each other. Deftly dodging blows, Mathilde was slightly surprised to discover that Ukyo was actually showing a little skill. Maybe this will be more fun than I thought she mused, a small grin spreading across her face.

Meanwhile, Ukyo was dismayed to discover how skilled the other girl was. She was faster than Mathilde, but all her energy was poured into fending off the razor-sharp blade. She narrowed her eyes and tried to think. I need to get away from the sword! Think Kuonji, think! Mathilde was maintaining a heavy frontal assault, but if she could just get behind the girl for a second… She backed away, letting Mathilde lunge forward, then ducked underneath her arm.

Mathilde staggered forward, a look of surprise on her face. She managed to regain her balance, then froze as Ukyo's sword rested on the base of her neck.

Ukyo grinned. "Gotcha, Thompson."

Mathilde let her shoulders sag. "Such a pity. I really wanted to win too." She tightened her grip on her own sword. "It just amazes me that you would fight so hard to win a man you dumped!"

Taken aback, Ukyo blinked in surprise. "I-"

Feeling the pressure of the sword disappear, Mathilde took her chance. Spinning around neatly and showing more skill than before, she promptly sent Ukyo's sword flying into the air. The crowd gasped.

Ukyo stepped backwards so her back was to the wall, suddenly feeling very small. She was playing with me the entire time, she realised faintly as Mathilde wielded the two blades.

Mathilde grinned. "Can't fight without a weapon, huh?" she taunted cheerfully. "Then have them BACK!"

With that, she flung she swords at Ukyo, who stumbled backwards with a yell and closed her eyes tight, fully expecting the blades to render her armless. When there was no pain, she slowly opened her eyes.

The swords had impaled her shirt sleeves at each wrist, making it impossible for her to try and pull them out. She struggled vainly to try and tear free, already knowing it was futile – after Ranma and later Ryoga had hacked up her first few shirts, she'd started wearing tougher clothing.

Nabiki stepped forward cautiously. "I guess this makes Mathilde the winner," she stated simply.

The proud grin on Mathilde's face wavered slightly at the sheer number of groans from people who'd bet heavily on Ukyo and lost, but reapplied itself at the sight of Ryoga stepping forward. "Well hi-" she began. The rest of the words died on her lips as Ryoga walked straight past her and pulled one of the swords out of Ukyo's sleeve. With a small growl, she spun around and tapped him on the shoulder. "ExCUSE me!" she snapped.

"Yes?" Ryoga asked politely. Ukyo glanced at the other girl, then silently lowered her eyes to the ground.

Mathilde crossed her arms. "We have to go now, get a move on."

Ryoga blinked, then frowned. "You only get me as an employee," he said curtly. "Any time I choose to spend with you other than that is purely voluntary."

Mathilde smiled sweetly. "That may be, but my restaurant opening hours are from six in the morning until eight in the morning, then from the end of school until ten in the evening."

"What!" Ryoga looked horrified. "I can't work those hours – I have to look after my sister!"

The lilac-haired girl shrugged. "Sorry sweetheart. Not my problem." She flicked her hair over her shoulder. "You've got ten minutes. Then your pay gets docked. See ya."

Ryoga narrowed his eyes. "I'll be there," he growled with a menacing undertone. Angrily, he turned around and pulled the other sword free.

Ukyo sagged forward. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

The anger drained away. "It doesn't matter," Ryoga said gently.

Tears welled up in Ukyo's eyes. "I tried, I tried so hard, really I did-"

"It's OK, Ucchan. I know you did your best," he said quietly.

"But now you have to work for her and you'll never get any time to spend with Keiko and it's all my fault!" Ukyo burst out.

Ryoga smiled a little. "She can make me work for her, but she can't make me like her," he said seriously.

Ukyo was quiet for a moment. "So you don't hate me then?" she whispered.

A confused look appeared on his face. "I could never hate you," he said sincerely.

"Even though I'm a rotten sword-fighter?" she asked.

"A friend overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden," he quoted.

Ukyo's brow furrowed in puzzlement. "Are you saying I'm a broken fence?"

"Just your sword-fighting," he corrected. "But your cooking's better, you're a lot friendlier and…" he blushed slightly. "You're a lot cuter than she is."

Ukyo smiled and hugged him impulsively. "Thank you. I needed to hear that."

End part X

Translations

G.S.G.I.T.G: Greatest Scientific Genius In The Galaxy.

Koibito: Beloved.

Sudaru: A giant octopus that was created after the Demon Mara's booster demons were almost killed trying to save Belldandy.

Imoto: Little sister.

Yggdrsil: Heaven's computer system. After it crashed, the three goddesses had to find new ways to recharge their energy - Belldandy slept all the time, Urd drank loads of sake and Skuld started eating truckloads of ice cream. After discovering that inferior brands made Skuld age faster and Urd grow younger, the Almighty relayed a message to Keiichi saying that moonrock would give the goddesses the power they needed.

Author notes

Oh MAN that took forever! Then again, I'm sure you'll understand (well, I hope you will!) how hard it is to type when you move house and your computer gets put in the same room as the telly as you're constantly aware of the eyes boring into you… Still, I finally managed to get it done! Here it is, volume four of what was only supposed to be two and I still haven't started on the important bits! And in the next volume! Mathilde has fun with Ryoga's curse! Keiko is a nuisance! Mousse gets a new love interest! And Ukyo and Ryoga follow through with their promises to dress up as each others favourite super-hero! Ranma gets hurt! Akane tries to cook! And I get flamed! See ya in the next volume,