CATCHING THE BUTTERFLY VOL 6

Disclaimer. I think we all know it by now... (Deep breath) I own Mathilde and Keiko, all the other characters belong to someone else and if the authors ever find out what I've done to them I may just drop dead so I'll finish this and RUN!

CTB VOL 6 - Adding to the roadkill. I mean, overkill.

PROLOGUE

Now this is just stupid.

Mathilde glared at the smaller girl.

"Something wrong?" Ryoga-chan asked innocently, a hint of a smile playing around her lips.

Mathilde opened and closed her mouth a few times before slamming her fist into the wall. "You RAT!" she snarled, turning tail and stomping away.

Ukyo stared after, then turned to face Ryoga-chan. "Nabiki's right - you're not as stupid as you look," she said cheerfully, then started laughing as the hilarity of the situation hit her.

"Can I go to class now?"

Martial artists have a sixth sense. Stepping back from the wooden dummy, Ryoga sighed and tapped the water pistol he'd pinched from Keiko. "Mathilde, I am REALLY getting sick of this," he growled.

"I'm not Mathilde," Ukyo said quietly.

"Oh. Well I'm still getting sick of this," he repeated tersely. "Should I even bother asking for an explanation or should I just squirt myself now?"

"I'll explain," Ukyo muttered.

Ryoga blinked at her. "You will?" he asked in astonishment.

"Uh-huh." She sat down on a pile of mats and motioned for him to sit next to her, which he did so with a highly suspicious expression. "It's a long shot but I figured that if I tell you what's going on instead of just ambushing you-"

"Like Mathilde has," he interrupted.

"Like Mathilde has," Ukyo confirmed. She stared at the floor and continued talking. "Maybe if I told you what was going on, you wouldn't get mad... well, not TOO mad... I hope..."

Ryoga considered that for a moment. "What if I DID get mad?"

"THEN I'd ambush you," she joked, then fell silent.

"So..." he prompted.

Ukyo blinked, startled. "So what?"

"Are you going to explain or not!"

"Oh! Right!" Ukyo giggled nervously, wondering why she was doing this. Because if I just ambush him too, he'll run a mile in the other direction, she reminded herself. If I explain it, he MIGHT just let me kiss him. "Remember when me and Mathilde were arguing about who had the uh... biggest breasts?"

"Yes. That's when Mathilde introduced me to Terry."

Ukyo nodded. "Well, we decided to hold a contest-"

"I KNEW it!" he exclaimed triumphantly. Ukyo shot him a glare. "Sorry."

"Best out of three. There was that swimsuit contest, then dating the most guys in a week-"

Ryoga held up a hand to stop her. "Dating the most guys in a week?" he asked.

"Um... yes."

"Is that why you went out with all those guys your dad dug up?"

Ukyo nodded bashfully. "That would be a yes too."

Ryoga smiled happily. She wasn't trying to make me jealous! he thought happily. "OK, carry on."

Ukyo nodded. "Then Mathilde decided that the third contest would be... uh..." She blushed and nibbled the tip of a finger. "She said the third contest wouldbetokissyouthen I said no and she called me a chicken-"

"What was that bit in the middle?" Ryoga asked sweetly, although having spent much of his life blurting out sentences with no gaps in the words himself, he was something of a pro at deciphering them.

"She said the third contest would be to kiss you, OK!" she snarled, glaring at him.

"Right." Ryoga nodded. "So I guess you both lost one contest each and I'm the tiebreaker, right?"

Ukyo blushed again. "Did I mention that she called me chicken?" she said weakly.

"So what happens if you lose?" he asked, leaning forward. "She gets me to be her slave again? You sell your business?" He smiled innocently. "You have to bungee jump naked out of a helicopter?"

Ukyo blinked slowly as the words rebounded through her memory. "You've been talking to Nabiki haven't you!" she wailed, jumping to her feet.

"Hahahaahahahahahahaa!"

"It's not FUNNY!" she snarled, hitting him on the shoulder. "You knew and you let me carry on talking!"

"Yup," he snickered.

"Ooooh! You are such a... a..."

"Tease?" he suggested cheerfully.

"Yes!" she snapped, then paused. She could tease too... "So you don't mind?" she asked innocently.

"I guess not. I mean, you did explain," he reasoned.

"I'll just get on with it then," she purred, running her fingers along the back of his neck, smiling with amusement as he backed away hurriedly and fell off the edge of the mats. "Something wrong, sugar? You said you didn't mind," she giggled.

"I thought you meant did I mind being made a challenge!" he protested, sitting up. "Not did I mind you doing it!"

"Well do you?"

"Yes!" Catching the expression on her face, he quickly changed his mind. "I mean no. No! Why would I mind?" he babbled, still edging away.

Ukyo smirked and stood up. "Well look at this way - if you don't let me kiss you, Mathilde is going to."

There was a short silence. Ryoga nibbled his bottom lip. "Mathilde?" he repeated quietly.

"Mmm hmm."

Ryoga nodded slowly. "O-OK then," he muttered, sitting back down on the mats. It wasn't quite how he'd imagined their first proper kiss (both sides consenting, neither one drugged), but who cared?

"Really!" Ukyo grinned happily. Success!

End Prologue.

PART I

God must love drunks and poor people.

That's why he made so many of them.

One hour later

Argh! Ukyo punched the mats in frustration. What is wrong with me! I've done this before, it's not that difficult! She jumped to her feet and paced up and down. "OK. Deep breath, count to ten," she muttered under her breath, before sitting back down again. Ignore the fact that he's cute... mmm... maple syrup... and focus on the fact that if you don't do this, that slut-bitch Mathilde will! After five minutes, she resumed pacing. "This is just stupid," she growled, kicking the mats.

Ryoga fell over sideways and snored softly.

SLAP

"Wake up, you goon!"

"Owww!" Ryoga rubbed his cheek and sent her a hurt look. "What was that for!"

"You were asleep," Ukyo snapped.

"I had my eyes shut for three quarters of a hour before I fell asleep," he countered. "Then I got bored."

"Well I'm ready now," she lied.

Ten minutes passed.

"Would it help if I turned off the lights?" Ryoga muttered.

"No! The picture won't come out!"

The two flew apart and stared at the doorway. "Nabiki!" Ukyo cried, outraged. "How long have you been there!"

"Long enough to finish reading 'Jurassic Park' and get pins and needles in my legs," the other girl complained. "Are you going to do this or not?"

"Not with you watching!" The younger girl blazed.

"But the whole point of this challenge is to prove you're sexier than Mathilde and she's not going to believe you if you just SAY you've done it," Nabiki countered.

Ukyo scowled darkly. "Tough."

Ryoga yawned. "Does this mean I can go to bed?" The two girls fixed deadly gazes on him. "No?"

"I'll be out of sight. You won't even know I'm there," Nabiki promised.

"No. No no no no no." Ukyo shook her head. "I was having a hard enough time trying to do it when I didn't think anyone was watching!"

Nabiki stamped her foot. "Oh just get on with it and stop being pathetic!"

Ukyo stared at her. "I am NOT-" She paused. "I'm pathetic!" she wailed before bursting into tears and sinking to the floor.

Nabiki blinked slowly. "Um... Ukyo?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The elder girl backed away slowly. "Well... I'll just leave you two kids to it, shall I?" she said cheerfully, before running out of the door.

Ryoga slid off the mats and sat next to the sobbing brunette. "Um... Ukyo? Are you all right?"

Ukyo lifted her head out of her arms. "Has she gone yet?" she sniffled.

"Yes."

"Good." She jumped to her feet and yanked him up by his collar. "I want to get extremely pissed and cry about how pathetic I am without her watching."

"Oh." Ryoga scratched his head. "Well, have fun-"

"Oh, you're coming with me," she said sweetly.

"I am?"

"Of course. Misery loves company." She grinned at him through her tears. "And if I get drunk enough, I might even work up the courage to go through with this stupid challenge."

"...I'm never going to get married and I'm just destined to become an old lady with lots of cats," Ukyo sniffled, knocking back another shot of strawberry schnapps.

"Well at least you won't end up like me. Mentally confused and prone to wandering," Ryoga scowled, searching through the devastation for the bottle of Jack Daniel's he'd put... somewhere. Within the relative privacy of the Hibiki house, Ukyo had immediately set about clearing out his father's booze cabinet and three hours they were both sorting through the wreckage of the bottles and their lives for something substantial.

"Oh don't be so melo-melon-melladramamatic," Ukyo scoffed. "If sailors can have a girl in every port, you'll manage. And at least you're cute, even though you look like Sylvester gone wrong." She poured herself out another shot. "Who's going to want an ugly dried up old spinshter like me?" she grieved, tears once again welling up in her eyes.

"You're not ugly," Ryoga protested. "You're cute and smart and if you look at you through the bottom of this tumbler you almost look like Sailor Mars." He blinked and rubbed his face. "I have whiskey in my eye."

Ukyo reached over and grabbed the tumbler. "Wow... you DO look like Sailor Mars through this!" She giggled. "Don't like Sailor Mars. My taxes paid for those plastic domes on her chest. I want them when she dies."

"What for? I like the ones you have." Not noticing her blush, he snatched his tumbler back and re-filled. Or half-refilled. "Aww! All out!"

"Try some of this in it," Ukyo offered, pouring half a glass of vodka into it.

"It's like lighter fuluid," Ryoga griped.

Ukyo cackled with laughter. "Fuluid!"

"Well I wanted to say fuel but I changed my mind halfway through and tried to say fluid instead. Oooh! 3D specs!" He pounced on them and put them on. "It's like it's coming right at me," he said in awe, moving his hand backwards and forwards in front of his nose.

Ukyo leaned over and grabbed his wrist, smacking him on the nose with his own hand. "Let me try!" She blinked blearily and gazed around the room. "These make you reallllllllly sqiffy," she giggled happily. "And it's like you're right in front of me!"

"You ARE right in front of me," he informed her, batting the specs away.

"Oh yeah." She sorted through the bottles again. "What's this one?"

"That's melon schnapps. You already tried that one." He leaned over and grabbed another bottle. "Try this one. Apple."

Ukyo slugged that one back resumed picking through the shrapnel of her life. "If I ever get a boyfriend I'm not even going to know what to do," she griped. "You're the only guy I've ever kissed and the first time you were asleep and the second time I was drugged and the third time-"

"There was a third time?" Ryoga asked, surprised.

"Oh, you were asleep for that one too," she informed him.

"Well at least you remember all three! It seems like everyone who's ever kissed me that I remember has been drugged except for Shampoo."

"What about Mathilde?"

"That's another one I'm trying to forget." They both lapsed into silence. "We really are pathetic, aren't we?"

"Yup. Young, single and pathetic," Ukyo agreed. "Cute but single. Nice but single. That's prob'ly because we're both half male, half female and single." She burst into tears again. "Sweet 16 and never been kissed except by sleepwalkers! I'm going to die an unkissed virgin spinster!"

"No you're not!" Ryoga edged around the bottles and hugged her. "You're sweet and kind and I'd kiss you."

"You would?" Ukyo sniffled, rubbing her eyes.

"But not the other thing," he added hastily.

"You'd kiss me?" Ukyo repeated, sitting up straighter. "If I asked you too?"

"Sure. It'd be like one friend helping out another," he reassured her. "Plus you'd win that competition against Mathilde."

A grin worked it's way across Ukyo's face. "It'd just be a friend helping out a friend?"

"Yep."

"Wouldn't mean anything?"

"Absooooolutely."

"Just one time for practise?"

"You betcha."

"Oh goody." She wriggled around until she was facing him and leaned forward until their lips were millimetres apart. "Promise you won't hate me in the morning?"

"I'd never hate you," Ryoga said sincerely, before closing the gap between them. Ukyo responded eagerly, deepening the kiss and shifting to a more comfortable position. Unfortunately, a bottle had rolled by and as Ryoga moved backwards to accommodate her, he fell over backwards, smacking his head on the corner of the coffee table. "Ow!"

The dark haired girl crawled over and blinked at him. "You OK?" A smirk lit up her face. "I'll kiss it better," she offered cheerfully.

Ryoga shrugged. "We said once for practise. You can stop if you want."

"Don't wanna."

End Part I

PART II

Day of the living dead.

Ukyo was the first to return to land of the living. Cracking one eyelid open, she instantly wished she hadn't. Her head pounded, her body ached and her mouth felt like a special reserve for endangered species of fungi and mould. Whimpering, she pulled the duvet back over her head. And paused. Duvet? The last she remembered, she'd been downstairs... kissing Ryoga. She grinned, trying not to feel elated and failing terribly.

Of course none of that changed the fact that she was in bed, not face down in a pile of sick. Still, if she was alone, there was nothing to worry about. And at least she still had her clothes on. She sat up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Ryoga sat up sharply and grabbed his skull. "Owwww! Don't DO that!" All of a sudden, he realised where he was and who was screaming. "Ukyo!" He rubbed his eyes and blinked at her. "What are you doing in my bed?"

"ME! What are you doing in... this is your bed?"

"Yes."

"What am I doing in your bed?"

"That's what I just asked you!"

Ukyo rubbed her head. "I don't know! I woke up here."

"You did?" Ryoga frowned then snapped his fingers. "I remember! You passed out and I carried you up here. Then I tried to find my parents room so I could crash there." He flushed. "I guess I got lost."

"Oh." She shrugged. "That's OK then."

"It is?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Sure." She batted her eyelashes at him. "Could you pretty please get me a glass of water, sugar?" she asked cutely, enjoying the blush that crept along his nose.

"Uh... sure."

"Thanks." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"W-what was that for?" he stuttered.

"Practise, remember?"

"Knock knock," Ukyo sang, tapping on the door.

The door was swung open forcefully and Akane glared at the them. "Where the HELL have you two been!"

Ukyo backed away. "Whoa! Bite my head off why don't you!"

"Sorry. I was just worried about you guys," Akane apologised. "But I still want to know where you went."

"Yes mom. Can we come in? I'm starving." Without waiting for an answer, she pushed past the other girl, dragging the lost boy after her. "I got drunk so Ryoga let me pass out at his place."

"Oh he did, did he?" Akane smirked. "So?"

"So?" Ukyo asked innocently.

"So did you do it?"

Ukyo stopped and faced her. "Akane, I just told you I got drunk then passed out. I don't think I could've kissed a Brad Pitt poster in that state."

Akane groaned. "Flake. Well, better luck next time. I'm going to go kick Ranma out of bed, so if you want breakfast, run."

Ryoga sniggered. "You liar."

"Who asked you?" she said with a grin, blowing him a kiss.

And now, a poem.

Kisses blown are kisses wasted,

A kiss isn't a kiss unless it's tasted,

Kisses spread germs and germs are hated,

So kiss me baby, I'm vaccinated!

Thank you for your attention.

"Well at least it's the weekend," Nabiki said cheerfully. "That gives you two days to complete your challenge, hopefully without Mathilde butting in."

"Right," Ukyo agreed in a monotone, picking at her rice. "Two days to practise," she whispered, gleefully watching Ryoga choke on a few grains of rice.

Ranma glanced up. "What challenge?"

"None of your business, Ranma," Nabiki said simply. "Maybe a picnic?"

A picnic would be fun, Ukyo decided mentally. But not with Nabiki. "Maybe tomorrow. We could go for a boat ride today." Ryoga looked up sharply and opened his mouth to protest that he hated boats and she lashed out with her foot.

Ranma yelped. "Ow! Who just kicked me!"

"Accident."

"Where are you going?"

Ryoga tried unsuccessfully not to look like he was climbing out of the window. "Umm... nowhere?"

Ukyo marched over and dragged him back inside. "We have to get ready for Nabiki's romantic boat trip."

"Aw... Ucchan, I hate boats!" Ryoga groaned. "They capsize and I end up female."

"I know," Ukyo said cheerfully.

"And how can it be in any way romantic with Nabiki there?" he continued.

"It won't." Ukyo turned and grinned at him. "So we won't be going."

"We won't?"

"Nope. Nabiki's going on a boat trip. We're going on a picnic."

Ryoga furrowed his brow in confusion. "I thought you didn't want to go on a picnic today?"

Ukyo sighed. "Ryoga-hon, remember what we decided yesterday?"

"That mixing whiskey, Malibu and apricot schnapps together is not a good idea?"

"No!" She bopped him lightly over the back of the head. "Nobody must know about us. Definitely not Urd, definitely not Nabiki, ESPECIALLY not Mathilde Tara-Thompkinson, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" He snapped his fingers. Then he frowned. "Why did we decide that?"

"You have the memory span of a goldfish," she teased lightly. "Because Mathilde will go ballistic and Urd and Nabiki will stop trying to get us together and start trying to make us get married. And at the moment I just want to have fun."

"Oh." Ryoga nodded. "I get it."

"Great. Come on, lets go!" she chirped, dragging him out of the room.

I don't get it!

End Part II

PART III

Trying to keep it secret.

Nabiki checked her watch and sighed. "I'm just going to drag Ryoga here to the little lost boys room, she says," mimicking Ukyo. "What the heck is he doing, building it first or something?"

"I don't think they're coming," Keiko said around a mouthful of bubblegum, before blowing a bubble with it.

"Don't do that, that's disgusting," Nabiki scolded. "What are you doing here anyway? And what do you mean they're not coming?"

"Kasumi and Akane said they'd take me sailing . And Ukyo said she'd lost my brother so she was going to look for him."

Nabiki blinked slowly. "And when was this?"

"Twenty minutes ago."

"And you're telling me now?"

"You didn't mention it till now."

"This looks like a good spot," Ryoga decided, putting the picnic basket down.

"I just hope I can remember the way back," Ukyo murmured. Leaning forward, she ruffled his hair fondly. "Although maybe I won't want to."

"Does this mean I'm forgiven for telling your dad that we're not engaged?"

"I suppose so." She sat down and opened the picnic basket. "Yummy!"

Ryoga cautiously decided to ask her another question. "Well... what if we pretended we were?"

Ukyo calmly put down the punnet of strawberries and stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"What I meant was... it would mean you wouldn't have to date all those other guys," he muttered, feeling about two inches tall.

"Ryoga Hibiki, if you start making this complicated, I'm going to walk away and not come back. Understand?" Ukyo crossed her arms. "I'm not going to pretend to be engaged to anyone. Eleven years of my life has been butchered by engagements and I'm not go to get engaged again, real or pretend. I just want to be normal and go out with someone I like without magical deities trying to force us into marriage!" Her expression softened slightly and she stroked his cheek. "I like you tons, OK? That's all that matters at the moment. I'm not going to jump into love, engagement and marriage again for a while."

Ryoga nodded slowly. Hey, it was already far more than he'd even dared daydream about and he wasn't going to try and spoil it. "OK," he stated simply, smiling at her. Note to self. Don't ever tell her you love her!

The lovey-dovey puke-inducing moment was completely ruined 1.5 seconds with a cry of: "RYO-OHKI! COME BACK!" The two froze like startled rabbits as a... rabbit-type-thing bounced past their noses, closely followed by Sasami who also managed to trip over the picnic basket, spilling the food everywhere. "Ow!"

The couple stared at her. "..."

Sasami jumped to her feet and stared at the devastation in horror. "Oh no! I ruined your picnic!"

"That's OK," Ukyo said numbly.

"We don't mind (much)," Ryoga agreed, wanting to get back to the good stuff.

"No, it's not OK! If you come with me, I'll make you a new one. It'll be the best picnic you've ever tasted," the blue-haired girl promised, dragging the protesting pair along the ground by their collars.

Ukyo stared at the house in horror. "Oh no."

"You live with Washu!" Ryoga pulled at his whiskers in despair. "She'll dissect me! Let me out of here!"

"Oh no," Ukyo repeated again, seeing Mihoshi step outside.

"Listen little girl, this is really nice of you, but I really think we should go," Ryoga tried again.

"Oh no," Ukyo said once more, just for the hell of it.

Sasami ignored them. "You wait inside and I'll have a new picnic in no time at all!"

"A picnic?" Ryoko repeated, popping out of the wall next to Ukyo, nearly giving the girl a heart attack. "YOU two were having a picnic?"

"Well, it's a nice day and all," Ukyo said weakly.

"Hmm..." Ryoko mulled this over before popping back inside. "Oh Tenchi..."

Mihoshi smiled sweetly. "Would you like some tea?" she offered brightly.

"Tea would be nice," Ryoga accepted before Ukyo could interrupt.

Following the blond girl inside, he didn't notice Ukyo vanish as Mihoshi quickly pulled out her dimensional cube. "So, a picnic, eh?"

"Only because it's a nice day and it sounded like a fun idea," Ryoga lied quickly. "We weren't intending to do anything!"

"That DOES sound like fun," Mihoshi agreed. "Now you stay here while I go get the tea!"

Ryoga nodded and sat down as the girl left the room and glanced around the surroundings. He jumped slightly as a hand tapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Ukyo...?"

The loud cheerful voice sent shivers down his spine. "Well, well, well! If it isn't my favourite test subject!" Washu proclaimed happily, throwing her arms around him and cutting off his air supply. "Fancy seeing you here!"

"Ak!"

"And still covered in ink too," she sighed. "Still, a quick visit to my main lab will soon clear that up!"

"!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"Sasami, could you make me a picnic too?" Ryoko asked, watching the girl deftly prepare the food.

"And me," Mihoshi called.

"We're going on a picnic?" Tenchi asked in surprise. "I'll go tell Ayeka and Grandfather."

Sasami blinked slowly. "Um..." They are not going to be at all happy about this.

"Um... Washu?"

"Questions?" Washu asked brightly. "Ask away, my little guinea pig!"

"Why are you wearing a nurses outfit?"

"For the mood. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything." Ryoga resisted the urge to question why he was only wearing boxers. Washu's expression became serious as she turned to the computers. "I'm going to see if I can find out what causes the ink to spread-"

"Fear," Ryoga informed her obligingly.

"I meant the chemical. Then I'll try to reverse it and make the ink go away."

"I already know how to make it go away."

Washu froze, then slowly turned around and looked at him through narrowed eyes. "How?"

"Facing up to the fear."

"Oh! So if I did THIS-" She pulled a large tarantula in front of his face: "It wouldn't be helping."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Nope. Didn't think so."

Ryoga gave her the evil eye. "If you EVER do that to me again, I'll- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! GETITAWAYGETITAWAY!"

Washu grinned evilly and put the spider behind her back. "Better?"

"Ye- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Oh this is fun." Washu flashed the spider again and giggled as Ryoga decided he'd had enough and fainted.

Washu's secret garden is a godsend to TV crews. And a nightmare for anyone else, as Ukyo was discovering. Sure, the crab-nebula wallpaper may have been pretty and the comets fascinating to behold, but there was something about floating aimlessly through space without a spacesuit on that makes people panic. And nobody had mentioned to Ukyo that attempting the space-doggy-paddle would create a rift in space and suck her into a black hole.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

So it's a good thing it ends inside the lab. Although Washu was not amused to have the chef fall into her lap. "Do you mind!"

Ukyo blinked rapidly. "Where am I! How did I get here!"

"Don't ask me," Washu scowled crossly.

"Is that Ryoga?"

"That you CAN ask me." The scientist nodded brightly. "Yes."

Ukyo hopped to the floor and peered at the unconscious boy. "What did you DO to him!" she asked in a dangerous tone.

Washu caught her tone. "Nothing much," she lied quickly.

"Then why is he out cold? And in his underwear? And black!"

"Black?" Washu repeated numbly, switching on a light and staring at him. "Oh dear."

"Oh dear?" Ukyo repeated, unsheathing her spatula. "OH DEAR! My boy- I mean best friend," she corrected quickly, "is blacker than ink at midnight and all you can say is oh dear!"

"You wouldn't hit you teacher, would you?" Washu said nervously, backing away.

CLANG

"That is just un-nerving," Urd gawped. "It's like watching a black and white TV."

"We know. That's the fifth time you've said that," Skuld scowled, flicking through some papers. "Although he's not really... black and white, he's sort of... shadowed. Now why didn't my invention work?"

"Try linking the thingymajic up to the doohicky," Urd advised.

Ukyo glanced up sharply at them. "Oh no you don't. I refuse to let you plug another one of those dumb machines onto him now the burning smell's gone away," she ordered sternly, curling her fingers through Ryoga's hair. The boy muttered something in his sleep and snuggled closer to her. After the spider thing and Skuld's inventions, the last of which had actually electrocuted him and singed his fingernails, is was a miracle he wasn't gibbering insanely. Although the tranquillisers may have helped that.

"Washu did this?" Urd asked again. "And didn't fix it?"

Ukyo smiled tightly. "Washu's too busy trying to remove the spatula's to meddle any more. She couldn't stop the ink and neither can you. There's just one person I know who can..."

"Yo!"

Ukyo cringed as the voice echoed down the phone. "Um... Yoshi? This is Ukyo."

"Ukyo?"

Ukyo scowled. "Kuonji."

"Oh yeah. How yo doin'?" She could almost hear him smirk. "How's the little transvestite boyfriend?"

OK. So the creep obviously wasn't going to try and make this easy. "Not so good," Ukyo admitted through gritted teeth. "Can you... help?"

"Aw gee... well now I don't know about that, babe. You weren't nice."

Ukyo exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry I wasn't nice to you on our (ugh) date. Can you tell me how to get the ink off of Ryoga?"

There was a short silence as Yoshi thought. "I'll have to think about that, babe," he eventually said in a falsely disappointed voice. "I mean, it ain't like I'll get it off fer free."

"What. Do. You. Want?" Ukyo asked, fast losing patience.

There was loud humming and hawing. "Gee, now I think another date would be like, you know, absolutely necessary." There was a short pause. "A Proper date," he added meaningfully.

Ukyo felt her skin crawl. "What kind of proper date?" she asked, although she was pretty sure she knew what he meant.

He didn't let her down. "Maybe could visit one of them quickie motels and you could give me a massage and I could-"

She slammed the phone down forcefully so it bounced in the cradle. "Pervert! ing perverted slimy little wanker!" she seethed in anger. (I don't think my spellchecker likes the word wanker.)

"I take it his idea of a proper date is not the same as yours?" Urd asked mildly.

"If he want's that kind of date with someone, he'll have to pay out a lot of money. To someone other than me," Ukyo snarled, viciously kicking the table. "Ow. Jerk!"

The phone rang again and Urd picked it up. "Stonehenge. Dana the Druid." She listened for a moment before handing the phone over. "It's for you."

Ukyo glared at the receiver. "Hello? Oh. Yoshi. Didn't expect to hear from you again." She glared at Urd before returning the glare back to the phone. "You were just teasing?" she repeated in disbelief. "Um... yeah. Sure. Tonight at seven is fine."

At the other end of the phone, Yoshi smirked to himself. "See ya then, babe," he said coolly, hanging up the phone. His smirk widened as he picked up a sheet of paper and a small bottle of pills...

End Part III

PART IV

Falling apart.

"You're WHAT!"

Ukyo winced. "I told you not to over-react," she chided. "And it's not like I'm going out with this creep because I want to-"

"So don't," Ryoga insisted. "You don't have to-"

"It's my fault he did this to you in the first place," Ukyo reminded him. "I...wanted to make you jealous..."

"Well it worked."

"So I'm going to put things right." She leaned forwards and clutched his hands earnestly. "But I don't trust this guy as far as I can throw him-"

"You could throw him to China if you tried," Ryoga pointed out dryly.

"OK, I'll stick with I don't trust him," Ukyo decided with a small grin. "I don't think he's changed his mind about a Proper date, so would you do me a huge favour and keep an eye on him in case he tries anything?"

"If he tries anything," Ryoga said evenly, "I'll break his neck."

"Thanks." She leaned forward.

"The goddesses are watching us."

"Then I'll thank you later."

This time, Ukyo was modestly dressed in jeans, a black polo-neck jumper, and a short-sleeved check shirt. If Yoshi thought he was going to get the same display of skin as last time, he was going to be sorely disappointed. Forget it, jerk-face! You're going to get rid of that ink if it kills you, she thought grimly, walking along the street to the club they'd agreed to meet at. "You still there, sugar?" she said in a low voice.

"Still here," Ryoga replied quietly. Dressed in black, he was practically impossible to see.

"Good." She glanced up at a window. "If I'm right, that is the window to the ladies room."

"You want me to sneak in through the ladies room?" Ryoga repeated in disbelief.

Ukyo grinned. "It's either that or I have to go into the men's room and I'm not about to do that." Spotting the worried look on his face, she patted his arm reassuringly. "Don't worry. I'll make sure the place is empty first. Now, if you stay here, I'll go in and give you a hand getting in."

"O-OK."

Ukyo started to walk towards the entrance, then paused. "Oh, and Ryoga?"

Ryoga glanced at her. "Yes?"

"Wander away and I'll kill you."

"Yo, baby! How you doin'!"

I hope your bits rot off, Ukyo cursed him to herself, before turning around and smiling brightly. "Yoshi. Nice to see you. Not. Shall we talk now?"

Yoshi smirked at her. "How 'bout a drink first? I don't talking business sober."

"Sure. I'll have a Tia Maria and coke," she decided. They ordered and sat down. "So how's your week been?" she said sweetly, and immediately took the opportunity to tune out for a few minutes until she could semi-politely excuse herself.

"Pretty good," Yoshi said happily. "I inked some dude and got to fondle his girl to turn him back-"

MY BRAIN HURTS! Ukyo knocked back the rest of her drink and stood up quickly. "I'm just going to nip to the ladies, OK? I'll be back in a second!" She fled through the crowds and slammed the door behind her. "Ugh! That guy is the most revolting, disgusting perv I've ever spoken to!" she snarled, stomping over to the window. "Ryoga, you there hon?"

"Here," Ryoga replied, appearing at the window. "Is he there?"

"Oh he's here all right," Ukyo growled. "And when this night is over, I'm going to enjoy kicking him through the roof!"

"I take it he's not the most charming of people?" Ryoga said wryly, swinging his legs over the sill. At that moment, the door handle turned. Ukyo placed a small hand on Ryoga's chest and before he could say anything, she shoved him out of the window.

The two giggling girls staggered into the room, ignoring Ukyo and giving the window a passing glance as a loud crash echoed through the room. As soon as they'd left, she quickly locked the door and jogged over to the window. (Sorry if the spelling gets scatty- my keyboard's fked!) "You OK?"

"No," came the muffled reply. "I landed on a cat and it wasn't happy about it."

"Sorry, sugar. I should've locked the door before I came in here," she apologised, dragging him over the windowsill. "Now follow me!"

The nightclub scene was still the same (heaving mass of sweaty bodies writhing energetically to butchered pop songs) so it was relatively simple for Ukyo to hide Ryoga somewhere where he could see but not be seen before reluctantly rejoining Yoshi (who was in the midst of a slanging match with a skinhead). Yoshi glanced up at her. "You want another drink in a sec, babe?"

"Love one," Ukyo said chirpily, sending hate vibes at him. "Same as before."

"Great." Elbowing his way to the bar, he ordered the drink. Then, after a quick glance around, he popped one of the pills in it. This should loosen you up, he thought, a evil grin crossing his face.

Ryoga frowned. I don't know what that was he just put in there, but something tells me it's not nice, he decided, squeezing past a few people. As Ukyo raised the glass to her lips, he bumped against her, the aim being to simply make her spill it.

The drink, Ukyo and the table fell over. "Hey!"

"Oops."

"Watch what you're doin', bozo!" Yoshi snarled, before squinting at him. "Oh I get it," he sneered, giving Ryoga a scathing look. "Spyin' on ya girl. What are you, her father?"

Ukyo groaned slowly. "Nice going, jackass," she growled, hopping to her feet. "What'd you push me over for?"

Ryoga looked sheepish. "Uh... he put... something in your drink."

"WHAT!" Ukyo turned on Yoshi. "What did you put in my drink, you creep!"

"I didn't do nuthin!" Yoshi protested, trying to look innocent. He turned out his pocket "I'm clean, see?"

There was a short (club-music filled) silence as the small jar of pills rolled across the floor. "And these are?" Ukyo asked sweetly.

"Ummm... prescription?" Knew I shoulda put those back in my boxers.

The sweet, calm face and cheerful smile almost made her look forgiving. Pity the effect was spoiled somewhat by the firey killer aura surrounding her. "You know Yoshi, you'd make a lovely corpse," Ukyo said cheerfully, before setting about him with a spatula, a calligraphy brush and a eyelash curler. 'An eyelash curler?' I hear you say? Have you ever SEEN an eyelash curler?

Shards of paper fell to the floor. Then a pair of scissors thudded to the ground next to them. For this humiliation... you will pay...

"Are you sure you should've been so hard on Yoshi?" Ryoga asked. "Maybe he's not so used to being beaten up as me and Ranma."

"Oh I'm fairly sure he is," Ukyo countered. "And he was planning to use the date-rape drug on me. He should be thankful I didn't kill him. And death comes to us all someday, why should he be any different?"

"...Point taken." Ryoga frowned slightly. "I guess I'm going to have to get over this daft fear if I'm ever going to get rid of this ink..."

Ukyo stopped dead in her tracks and snapped her fingers. "We are so stupid!"

"We are?"

"Cologne! She'll know what to do! She always knows what to do with strange, unheard of martial arts techniques!" Ukyo claimed happily, grabbing a hold of his arm. "Come on!"

Like something out of a gross, tacky horror movie, Ukyo found herself holding half an arm. Nothing but.

Ryoga spent a few moments staring at the end of his sleeve before making his feelings clear. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Hey, calm down!" Ukyo hissed helplessly. "This isn't as bad as it looks-"

"Not as bad as it looks!" Ryoga wailed hysterically. "I am MISSING an ARM!"

SLAP

Ryoga blinked slowly and cupped his cheek. "Thanks. I needed that."

The chef looked at the arm, which looked as if it'd been severed just below the elbow. So she hadn't pulled it clean out the socket, which was some relief. Only some. "Oh god... does it hurt?"

"No but that is hardly the point!" Ryoga growled. "My arm has just fallen off!" He paled slightly. "What if... something else falls off!"

Ukyo examined the arm some more, before nodding decisively. "We need to talk to that old lady."

"It just came off?" Cologne repeated, examining the severed hand closely. "No one chopped it off or pulled it off?"

Ukyo shook her head helplessly. "No. It just... came off."

Shampoo looked on curiously, not wanting to miss the excitement. (Which had been pretty non-existent in her life for a while.) "Gruesome."

Mousse grinned. "Cool."

"Hmmm." The Amazon matriarch examined the arm again. "And it doesn't hurt?"

"Nope." Ryoga shook is head, still looking as though he wanted to continue with the hysterical screaming. "Can't feel a thing."

Cologne poked the severed wrist lightly with a penknife. "That doesn't hurt?"

"Uh-uh."

"What about the rest of you?" she questioned.

The one-armed boy blinked slowly in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Cologne sighed and hopped over to him and poking him in the chest. "Feel that?"

"Um...no."

"That?" A light bop on the head.

"No."

"That wouldn't hurt him anyway," Ukyo pointed out.

Cologne sweatdropped. "I know that." She shrugged and raised her staff. "How 'bout THIS!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK!" Ukyo fainted.

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGH!" Shampoo fainted.

"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Mousse fainted.

Even Cologne hadn't been expecting that sort of reaction. "Oopsie," she muttered, reaching down and picking Ryoga's head up off the floor. At least he was unconscious too. "Forgot that would happen. Should've done it to the other arm," she sighed to herself, picking up a paintbrush and a pot of Amazon Herbal Glue (#17) and mixing it in with a little ink. A few daubs with the paintbrush and Ryoga's head was back on top of his neck where it should've been.

Ryoga frowned and opened his eyes. "What just happened?" he asked suspiciously, rubbing the back of his neck with his remaining arm.

"Oh you just lost your head for a moment," the old woman said lightly.

"I what?" he asked, puzzled.

"I knocked your head off. Purely an accident," she explained. "Luckily for you, this... condition will knock you out if your head, or more specifically your brain, becomes detached from your body."

"Oh gross!" Ryoga wailed. He paused and pointed to the three prone forms on the floor. "What happened to them?"

"Fainted." Cologne snorted. "Wusses."

Shampoo groaned and sat up. "Ooh... Shampoo have bad dream Ryoga's head fall off.."

Ukyo nodded slowly. "Me too."

"Group hallucination?"

"Sounds good to me, sugar." Ukyo sat down on her chair again. "So old lady. Do you know- hey! Cut that out!"

Cologne guiltily put down Ryoga's arm. "Sorry. Makes a good back scratcher." She leaned forward importantly. "I have seen this thing happen only twice in my life. Of course, the second time was a guy who'd fallen into a tree shredder so there wasn't much anyone could do for him," she added, oblivious to the looks of nausea on everyone's face. "This is the result of the Martial Arts Calligraphy Final Attack. As you know, the attack involves calligraphy spelling out the name of anything that would make you look embarrassing, along with a few doodles which can't be removed."

"Even with Jif?" Shampoo asked seriously.

"Not even with Jif," Cologne said solemnly, before continuing with her dramatic monologue. "If the victim is then confronted with their worst fear, the ink will spread. For some, the process is very quick, for others, it happens only a few times in their life-"

"Why's that?" Mousse asked.

"Well, if you're scared of flying, you're not going to go on a plane if you can help it," Ukyo explained. "But if you're scared of insects or birds or something like that, it's not like it's something you can easily avoid."

Cologne nodded. "Once the ink covers the entire body, as is Ryoga's case, that is usually the end of it and nothing further happens. The victim simply looks like a total twat for the rest of their life. Unless the attacker starts to feel guilty and gets rid of the ink or the victim confronts their fear."

Ryoga scowled. "That's what the cat told me," he stated, missing the confused looks everyone gave him. "So what made my limbs fall off? And how do I get back to normal?"

The old Amazon puffed up importantly. "For that, you need to know the workings of the technique." Everyone groaned. "The ink that is used for this is no ordinary ink. It contains the blood of a virgin sacrificed on midsummer's eve when the moon is full and Venus is in the constellation of Aquarius."

Ryoga eyed his arm critically. "Sounds disgusting."

"I definitely can not see Yoshi going to that trouble," Ukyo stated simply.

Cologne shrugged. "Of course, you can now buy it from most good Chinese herbalists nowadays which kinda takes the glory out of it. Anyway," she continued, ignoring everyone's facefaults. "It is used in conjunction with a paper made by Tibetan monks-"

"I thought it was a Chinese technique?" Mousse interrupted.

"It is."

"So why is the paper made by Tibetan monks?" he pressed.

"It just is, OK!" Cologne snapped. "Now, once you have selected your victim and 'inked' them, the outline of their image will appear on the paper. And as their own body is gradually covered in ink, the image on the paper will fill with colour until it is complete. If the attacker repents, another kind of ink is used to paint the image on the paper back on the body." She sat back, satisfied.

"So..." Ukyo prompted.

"So what?"

"Is that it!"

"Yup."

Ryoga narrowed his eyes. "So why did my arm fall off?"

"Your arm?" Cologne blinked, then clapped her hands. "Sorry. Forgot about that bit."

"You forget and use arm as back scratcher," Shampoo scoffed.

"Give me that!" Ryoga snatched his arm back. "So?"

"So I'm guessing you pissed off this... Yoshi," Cologne guessed. "I assume in a fit of rage he's chopped up the paper with your image on. The Masters of Martial Arts Calligraphy do not teach the ultimate technique to young teenagers for precisely that reason, for once the paper has been damaged, the consequences become more dangerous." She paused for effect and from somewhere, a pipe organ began playing. "The body loses all feeling and falls apart at the points where the image on paper has become damaged. This can be delayed by gluing your severed appendages back onto your body with the glue I used to stick your head back on."

Ukyo shuddered. "I hoped I'd imagined that bit," she muttered.

Cologne continued on her tale of doom. "But as bits fall off, the image on the scraps of paper begins to fade until..."

The pipe organ built up a crescendo. "Until there's nothing left," Ukyo added.

"And without image..." Shampoo breathed.

"The body cannot be restored," Mousse finished.

Dark shadows engulfed Cologne. "Be careful Ryoga. If you fall apart before you find that paper... your body can never be restored!"

End Part IV

PART V

Don't worry, he's armless and other bad jokes.

There was a long silence.

"PUT MY ARM BACK ON!" Ryoga screeched, leaping to his feet. "For god's sake glue it back on right NOW!"

"All right, this is no time to get hysterical," Cologne said soothingly.

"What if the paper with my arm on has faded already!" Ryoga lamented. "I'll only have one arm!"

"Pull yourself together," Cologne scolded. Several icy gazes turned on her. "Sorry. Bad pun. It takes three hours for the ink to fade if you fall apart-"

"My arm fell off an hour ago," Ryoga growled.

"That still leaves you two hours in case of accidents," the old woman pointed out. "Just don't lose your head."

The glares intensified.

"Didn't mean that one either," Cologne apologised quickly. She picked up the gluey ink. "Take off your shirt," she instructed, brandishing a brush. A few seconds later the arm was reattached. "Now, take the glue with you. Ukyo Kuonji, you too. If he should have the misfortune to lose both his arms, you can reattach them for him."

"This is warped," Ukyo growled, reaching out for another jar. "This is utterly warped. This shouldn't ever happen to any sane person ever."

"You're not the one with limbs falling off left, right and centre," Ryoga pointed out.

"True."

"Don't rely on that glue," Cologne advised. "It'll only work for a limited time. Find those scraps of paper before it's too late."

Next morning...

"RANMA! I'll KILL you!"

"How nice. Akane and Ranma are having a civilised discussion," Kasumi observed sweetly as she served breakfast.

"I can't tell. Is she being sarcastic or is she serious?" Keiko whispered.

Nabiki shrugged, ducking a pot plant. "I think she's serious, but don't quote me on that."

Ranma dodged a mallet and scowled at his 'fiancee.' "What did I do this time!"

"You know exactly what you did!"

"If I knew I wouldn't hafta ask, ya uncute tomboy!"

"WHAT did you call me! How many times have I told you not to call me that!"

"He's probably lost count by now," Ryoga said dryly.

"You stay out of this, cat-woman," Ranma growled, landing in front of him. "Who-" He stopped talking and ducked, sensing the mallet behind him. Ryoga yelped and raised his arm to defend himself.

Dramatic pause.

Nabiki snapped her chopsticks in half.

Kasumi almost dropped the teapot.

Genma and Soun fainted.

Keiko burst into tears. "You've killed my brother!"

Akane's face did that strange horror-mask thing. "Oh no! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!"

"It's OK, Akane," Ukyo said soothingly, picking up Ryoga's arm again. "We'll just glue the arm back on."

Kasumi dropped the teapot. "Oh my."

"Oh gross, Ucchan!" Ranma blanched. "You can't just glue someone's arm on!"

"No, we have to call a doctor!" Akane wailed hysterically.

"Actually, you can just glue it back on," Ryoga cut in, holding up the pot of glue.

"Can you ever forgive me?" Akane sobbed. "I really didn't mean to smash your arm off!"

"Yoshi's fault," Ukyo explained simply. "Long and complicated story involving virgin sacrifices and Tibetan monks. Y'know, this isn't the same break as yesterday, you can see where Cologne glued it together." Everyone craned around to gaze upon the arm. (Which had indeed fallen up at a different point.)

"Can I have my arm back yet?"

Nabiki whistled. "You could really freak out the teachers if you did that in class."

"Does your head come off too?" Ranma asked questioningly, tugging at his rival's hair experimentally. Luckily, the glue held.

"Do you mind! I am not a Barbie doll!"

"I think we'd probably be better off looking for that paper tomorrow," Ukyo said seriously. "If we look for it when Yoshi's at school - assuming he actually goes to school and doesn't spend every day screwing up people's lives - then he hopefully shouldn't catch us."

"Hopefully," Ryoga griped. He pointed to the photograph Nabiki was drawing on (marking where she estimated the rips in the original paper would be). "Head too.

"You know where the guy lives?" Nabiki asked, drawing a line across a photograph. "Head... twice on the arm..." she muttered under her breath.

"Yup. Daddy was helpful enough to give me his address as well as the address of every strange and eligible martial artist in the neighbourhood."

"Oooh! Let's have a look!" Nabiki snatched the sheet of paper off Ukyo and examined it. "Wow. Kuno's actually on here too!"

"He lives on the second floor of an apartment block downtown," Ukyo continued. "So it should be pretty easy to break into."

"'Kay." Nabiki held up the photograph. "As far as I can guess, this is where you're in danger of shedding limbs. I think he just angrily chopped up the paper instead of doing something REALLY vicious like putting it through a shredder and completely mangling you."

"That's not too bad," Ryoga observed.

"Of course, it's not perfect, but you won't let me stuff a grenade down your shirt to see how many pieces you explode into."

"No I won't."

Nabiki sighed. "You're no fun," she pouted. "So if you're going to hunt for your body parts tomorrow..." She held up a sprig of mistletoe. "You can get on with the other challenge today!"

"NABIKI!"

"No, she's right," Kasumi cut in, bobbing up behind them. "Mathilde isn't going to give up. If she can't make you kiss her, she'll find another way. I'm thinking paralysis powder and rope."

There was a short silence. "Thanks sis." Nabiki folded her arms. "See? Even Kasumi thinks you should get on with it."

"Nope. Uh-uh, forget it," Ukyo said firmly.

"What's the big deal?" Akane asked. "It's not like you've never done it before-"

Ukyo folded her arms. "Kiss Ranma."

"NO WAY!" the other screeched. A small frown crossed her face. "Ah."

"Exactly," Ukyo said smugly.

Akane stood there for a moment with a look of annoyance on her face, which was suddenly replaced with a sly grin. "Well if I DO kiss Ranma, will you kiss Ryoga?"

"If you kiss Ranma, I'd kiss Genma."

Nabiki leaned forward. "Can you say that again but into this mike?"

Akane jumped to her feet. "Here I go!" Closely followed by the others, she marched into the sitting room where Ranma, Keiko, Soun and Genma were watching TV, grabbed Ranma by the collar and mashed her lips against his.

"ARGH! My eyes! I'm forever corrupted!" Keiko screamed.

"Hurrah! Our children have finally admitted their love for each other! Our families will be united!"

Ranma frowned and yanked the tape off his face. "Do you mind!"

"They shall be married tonight! We must make preparations!"

Akane grinned. "Just showing Ukyo something."

"Amazing..." Ukyo breathed. "So on camera, it would look like we were really kissing."

"It worked on the photo of Kuno and Ranma." Nabiki ignored the retching noises. "Nobody will be able to tell the difference."

"Is it safe to look yet?" Keiko asked, hands over her eyes.

"Crack open the celebration sake, Saotome!"

Akane whirled on her father. "For goodness sake, daddy, I was just pretending!"

"Thankfully," Ranma muttered.

Soun blinked. "Why hide it from your own father? I'm quite happy for the two of you to get married immediately."

"Forget it!"

"But what's holding you back?" Genma asked in confusion. "Shampoo is in love with that strange crossdresser, Ukyo and her father ended your engagement and she seems to be besotted with that Hibiki boy-"

"Hey, we're right here," Ukyo scowled. "And I am besotted with NO-ONE, got it!"

"And maybe I wanna enjoy not having twelve finacees, eh Pop?" Ranma growled. "And if any more start crawling out the woodwork, I swear I'll kill you."

"Oh lament! Our children have let us down!" The two fathers burst into tears.

"OK, tape," Ukyo ordered, ignoring the sobbing 'men.'

Akane handed it over. "Don't think about it, just tape his mouth shut and go for it," she advised.

"What, in front of the-" Ryoga started, only to find that Ukyo had decided to do it in from of them. He froze.

Keiko peeked and screamed again. "AGH! I'm traumatised! Make it stop! My eyes are burning!"

Satisfied she'd put on enough of a show for Nabiki to snap, Ukyo pulled away and yanked the tape off Ryoga's mouth. "YEOW! That HURT!" he wailed, snapping out of his trance.

"Damn, had the lens cap on," Nabiki scowled. "Could you do that again?"

"Why not?" Ukyo shrugged. She grabbed a new bit of tape.

"I'm too young! The pain! The humanity!"

RRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIP

"OWWWWWW! Don't rip so hard!"

"Oopsie! Forgot to turn the flash on! Can you do that again?"

"Sure."

"Stop! My poor little mind has become tainted!"

Fade out.

Half an hour passes.

Fade in.

"Sorry! Ran out of film! Can you do that again?"

"Oh for pete's sake, get a new camera," Keiko growled. "How many more variations of 'oh my eyes' am I expected to come up with!"

"One more try, I promise," Nabiki promised. "I'm beginning to think someone's fiddled with my cameras."

"You can use mine," Kasumi offered.

"Thanks sis."

"But please make it stop. If I have to watch them kiss one more time, I'll spit in your dinner."

Nabiki sweatdropped. "Yes sis," she promised meekly.

"This is actually beginning to get boring," Ukyo scowled. "Be more fun without the tape and the audience," she added in a lowered voice. Ryoga spluttered incoherently.

"Right! One more time!" Nabiki chirped. "Say okonomiyaki!"

"Okonomiyaki," Ukyo muttered, sounding bored.

"My eyes. My brain. My youth. All destroyed in one fell swoop," Keiko droned, watching the TV.

Ryoga pulled the tape off his mouth. "Are we done yet?"

"Sorry!"

"NABIKI!" Everyone screeched.

"Just kidding," she sniggered. "I'll go get this developed and give it to Mathilde." She paused. Must ask permission. The Doctor said. "Would you mind if I sold copies to people at school."

"YES!"

"Just checking."

"Ah… a nice relaxing Sunday, watching movies." Ukyo sighed blissfully. "Which ones did you choose?"

"Uh… Idle Hands and End of Days."

Ukyo blinked slowly. "Rrrrrright." Obviously when she'd suggested they go back to his house and watch movies he thought she'd been serious. Oh well.

Urd peeped around the doorway. "Something is UP with those two," she muttered.

"What makes you say that?" Skuld asked, concentrating on her latest invention.

"She hasn't tried to kill him for a whole half hour."

Ukyo stood open and marched over to the doorway. "Got some reason for lurking in the hallway?" she asked icily. "Weren't you going to visit your sister or something?"

"Uh… Actually, we were thinking of joining you," Urd said quickly. "Oooh! Idle Hands! I LOVE that film!"

"Wha-?" Ukyo scowled darkly. Making out would have to wait. (But it's SOOOOO much fun!)

Two hours later, she had to admit it was a good film. Now all she had to do was ditch the goddesses, persuade Ryoga to swap End of Days with Sliding Doors and take advantage of the romantic soppiness. "Well, that was cool. But we'd better be getting back to the Tendo's now," Ukyo lied.

"But-" Ryoga began to protest, then quickly snapped his mouth shut as she sent him a glare. "Uhhh… yeah, that's right."

Urd narrowed her eyes as Ukyo dragged the Lost Boy out of the room. "Something is definitely up here and I'm going to find out what if it kills me," she vowed.

"So. Wanna go to my place and make out?" Ukyo suggested eagerly.

Ryoga blinked in surprise. Is that all she ever thinks about! He re-evaluated that thought. She is ASKING to make out and I'm hesitating! Maybe I need help. "Sure!"

End Part V

Notes from Ushio:

Well i'm afraid that's it. While Benji did write some more of this story i don't have access to it. If someone out there does please contact me.

Overall though this is an unfinished work and Benji did quit writing several years ago after her site was accidently deleted.