PART VI

Life's about priorities.

Chocolate first, housework later.

"So once you've found the paper, give it to me and I'll paint you back," Cologne instructed.

"That sounds soooo weird," Ukyo muttered under her breath. "OK, follow me. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT attempt to enter through any windows until I do, got that?"

"Yeah, yeah," Ryoga muttered. "I may be dumb, but I'm not that dumb."

"Wanna bet?"

"Shut up and get going!" Cologne snarled.

Ukyo bounced easily up onto the windowsill and slid up the sash window. Which promptly stuck. "It's stuck!" she yelled, stating the obvious.

"Can you squeeze through?" Ryoga suggested.

"I'll try." She tossed her giant spatula down to the ground, followed by her bandolier. Though she felt naked without them, with them she'd only get stuck. Bending over, she wriggled through the window, looking rather like that bit in Entrapment when Catherine Zeta-Jones is trying to get past the lasers in THAT outfit. (God, please give me that bum!)

She got stuck anyway. "Help!"

"Breath in," Ryoga yelled back, thoroughly enjoying the view.

"I AM BREATHING IN, YOU JACKASS!"

The boy sighed and hopped up next to her. "You can get through there, you're not that fat," he encouraged.

"What did you say!"

"I mean that in the nicest way possible," he quickly corrected. "Maybe it would help if you took off your jacket."

Ukyo tried to wriggle backwards. Then forwards. "I think it's caught on something."

Ryoga sighed and grasped the bottom of the window, forcing it up. There was a nasty crunching noise. "Oopsy. I think I broke something."

"Who cares? It's Yoshi's window." Ukyo rubbed her back gingerly. "That hurt." She scanned the room and spotted some paper on the floor. "Hey, he was even nice enough to leave everything lying around for us," she said gleefully. "What an id-"

The sound of footsteps outside caused them both to freeze in silence. Then their eyes widened in horror as the footsteps stopped outside the door. "Hide!" Ryoga hissed urgently.

"Cool. That's gotta be a new record for me," the brash voice they knew and hated so well crowed. From her spot inside the wardrobe, Ukyo watched him sit on the bed, pick up a book and flick through it. "All right! Forty-five minutes! A new record for being sent out of school!"

Under the bed, Ryoga wrinkled his nose irritably and wondered when the bastard was going to leave. It was horribly dusty under there and the magazine with the naked girl on it was highly distracting. It was a toss up as to whether it would be the blood or the sneeze that got him caught first.

Ukyo sighed dismally and slouched against the back of the wardrobe, waiting for something to happen. Finally Yoshi stood up. Finally! she snarled inwardly. Wait a second… he's walking this way… OH MY GOD HE'S OPENING THE DOOR!

Yoshi had not been expecting to see a girl in his wardrobe. Not a live one at any rate. Usually they were rubber. Or on paper. "What are you doing here!" he growled, dragging Ukyo out by her wrist.

"Would you believe I just popped round to say hi?" Ukyo tried to bluff.

"Liar. You came here for the paper didn't you?" Yoshi glared at her, continuing to keep a hold of her wrist. "I knew something was up when it stopped fading."

"OK, so maybe I did," Ukyo shot back. "You weren't helping, so I found someone who would."

Yoshi smirked. "If you want the paper, it's gonna cost you."

"Oh yeah!" Ukyo snarled. She reached for her spatula… "You just try it, you-" then remembered tossing it to the ground. "Ak."

Yoshi's smirk widened. "Not so tough without your kitchen implements, are ya?" he sneered, pushing her backwards roughly onto the bed.

"Get off me, you creep," she snarled, trying to dodge the slimy lips heading her way. "I'll rip you to shreds!"

"You try anything and I'll burn that paper," Yoshi threatened coolly. His hands started wandering. "Just relax, babe. Gimmee this and I'll let you go."

The bed lifted off the ground and toppled over. Before the stunned Yoshi could react, his nose exploded as it was introduced to Mr Fist several times. Then strong hands wrapped around his throat and slammed him into the wall. Hard. "If you ever touch her again," Ryoga snarled though gritted teeth, "I'll break off all of YOUR limbs. Do you understand me?"

Yoshi groaned and spat out a mouthful of teeth. "Ugh…"

He got slammed into the wall again. "I SAID do you understand me!"

Ukyo stood up shakily and began picking up the scraps of paper with hands that weren't completely steady. "Let's go."

Ryoga nodded and slammed Yoshi against the wall one more time for good measure.

Ukyo made herself to walk down two streets before allowing herself to burst into floods of angry tears. "I hate him! I hope he goes straight to hell!"

"Now, Kuonji Ukyo, a true martial artist does not wish misfortune on those they dislike," Cologne berated. Ryoga leaned down and whispered in her ear and the old lady's eyes narrowed. "They take revenge instead," she hissed. "This Yoshi sounds like a dangerous boy. Whoever taught him his art must have been either crazy or desperate."

"I'm going for the first one," Ryoga decided, handing Ukyo a tissue which she accepted gratefully. "The only thing anyone would want from Yoshi is their body back. Can I have mine back before he comes chasing after us?" he pleaded.

Ukyo sniffled. "The second we get back I am having a bath and burning these clothes," she vowed.

Yoshi picked up the calligraphy brush and stared at his reflection. He'd never considered using the technique on himself, but the benefits were large. If he had no body, he couldn't be hurt. At that present moment, he didn't really care about the paper.

He wanted revenge.

And Ryoga needed his body back to feel pain.

Yoshi narrowed his eyes angrily. He was going to make them both pay.

Cologne placed the paintbrush down. "Finished."

"So he can feel pain now?" Ukyo asked.

"Yup."

"Good."

CLANG

Ryoga yelped and fell over backwards. "What was that for!"

"For not saving me quicker!" Ukyo snarled. She glanced at the clock. "Hey, look at that. We have just enough time to go to school and look Mathilde Tara-Thompkinson's face!"

End Part VI

PART VII

Cliffhanger ain't just a film starring Harrison

Ford. It does star him, doesn't it?

They should've know that the second they stepped inside the school gates they'd be jumped by teachers. Oh well. I suppose everybody needs an education.

Washu gasped. "You're in colour again!"

"Yup," Ryoga said proudly.

"So I won't need to try out this." She tossed a jar over her shoulder into a black hole that had appeared in the science lab sink. "Or this."

Fade out.

Fade in.

"…or this, this or this."

"Uh… how many bottles, jars and potions do you have up your sleeves?" Ryoga asked slowly. "Do I have time to go get popcorn?"

"Just seventy-three more to go!"

Mathilde simmered.

"Remember when you beat me in that sword fight?" Ukyo said gleefully, dancing around her. "Well that doesn't mean anything 'cause I'm sexier than you! And remember you got more telephone numbers than me? It's no good 'cause I'm sexier than you!"

Mathilde's blood pressure soared. "You… you…"

"Something wrong? Cat got your tongue? Never mind, in this age of plastic surgery, I'm sure there's some kind of emergency treatment to increase your hopes of ever getting laid." Laughing happily, she bounced down the corridors over to Ryoga, not bothering to ask why he was eating popcorn and watching Washu throw jars into the sink. "That was so much fun! Wanna go to the utility closet and make out!"

"Looking forward to tonight?" Ukyo asked.

"…What happens tonight?" Ryoga asked, yawning loudly.

"The world gets sucked into hell and all life as we know it ceases to exist. The thousand years hath ended blah blah blah…" She couldn't help but break down in giggles at the bemused look on his face. "It's Halloween, you baka!" she explained, bapping him on the shoulder.

Ryoga gave her that confused look that was so cute. "It is?"

"Berk." Ukyo frowned slightly. "You'd better not've forgotten you promised to dress up as Magical Guy Makoto."

"I think I can manage," Ryoga replied, sticking his tongue out at her.

"I'm going to dress up as a devil," Keiko proclaimed, helping herself to some waffles.

"Kasumi taking you trick and treating?" Ukyo asked.

Ryoga coughed and looked slightly embarrassed. "Actually… I said she could come with us. It that all right?"

Ukyo glared at him and repressed the urge to throttle him. "I suppose so."

Keiko stuck her tongue out at her. "Biiiiii!"

"Keiko…" Ryoga said warningly.

"Just clearing my throat."

Overnight, Furinkan has become Halloween movie makers paradise. Carved pumpkins sat on the walls ready to be lit. Plastic witches on broomsticks hung in the corridors. Crepe paper flames lined the classrooms. There were red candles in every corner of every room. Ghosts flitted around through walls and nobody could be quite sure which ones were the light projections and which were the actual spooks Furinkan seemed to harbour.

"I think maybe our Principal has gone slightly OTT," Ukyo muttered as a cackling spirit ran through her.

"Our Principal? OTT? Whatever would make you say that?" Akane scoffed, ducking under a low-flying witch.

"Personally, I think it's pretty cool," Ranma admitted. "Sure, he has some manic ideas, but this one seems all right."

"Is that a goat?" Ukyo asked, squinting though the dry ice.

"Think so."

"Why is our Principal sacrificing it?"

The rest of the gang peered through the smoke, trying to get a better look. "Must be your imagination," Ranma said finally.

"HAHAHAHA! Aloha my keiki! Come bathe in the blood of the innocents!" Principal Kuno bellowed, leaping through the clouds of carbon dioxide and causing much hysterical panicking.

"It's fake, you morons," Hiroshi pointed out. "Isn't it?"

"Oh yeah," the Principal assured him. "Fake goats blood. It's really pigs blood."

Ryoga looked slightly pale. "Oh."

"I wanna help with the sacrifices!" Keiko squealed, waving her plastic pitchfork around and coming dangerously close to jabbing Ranma's eye out. "I'm Beetlejuice, the dark prince, Satan himself"!"

"Beelzebub," Nabiki corrected. "And no, you cannot help raise the dead. Why isn't she still trick or treating?" she asked Ukyo in a lower voice.

"We had to stop early. Someone asked for a trick so she shaved their cat with one of her little paper fan things," Ukyo explained. "They weren't happy. The words police, sue and prison were used in vast abundance, so we decided it was easier just to bring her along here."

Witches, skeletons, vampires and Freddy Krueger danced to the beat of Rob Zombies' 'Living Dead Girl.' Those who hadn't drunk enough spiked punch to dance were feasting on surprisingly good smoked salmon and nibbly bits. Akane had only tipped one bowl over Ranma's head, and that had turned out to be Twiglets and not iced punch as he'd expected. Keiko was teaching Hinako-chan the censored moves to Macarena and discussing the finer points of Telletubbies. Nabiki had shown Ukyo the finer points of drink spiking, turning the punch to 45 vol. Urd and Skuld were attempting to teach Ranma and Ryoga the Time Warp, but kept falling down with laughter when it came to demonstrating the pelvic thrust. Two mummies and a zombie were dumping the principal in the rubbish, much to the amusement of those paying attention.

It was a wonderfully normal night.

It couldn't last.

End Part VII

TO BE CONTINUED!