A/N: Thanks once again for all those wonderful reviews. And thank you David!

Chapter 5 - Realization

Lorelai sat in shock until she heard her front door close. She had the crappiest day at work with Michel bugging her, and Sookie having to go home because Martha got sick. The inn was overbooked and someone threatened to sue her. All she wanted when she came home was to eat dinner, watch a movie and go to bed early and forget about everything. She wasn't sure if her day just turned around 180 degrees. Was Luke really there? Did he say the things he said? Did she just fall asleep and dream the whole thing? But she still felt the warmth of his lips on hers. And she could still hear her the echo of his voice in her head.

She sat on her couch for a few minutes, trying to decide what to do. She ended up picking up her phone and dialing Rory's number.

"Hey, Mom."

"I think I'm going crazy."

"What? Why?"

"I think Luke was just here, telling me that he's sorry for hurting me and that he forgives me for what I did."

"Mom, that's great!"

"I don't know. It sounds too good to be true. He can't just change his mind like that. He…"

"Mom slow down. What happened?"

"Luke brought me the yellow boots."

"Yellow boots?"

Lorelai looked at the box that was standing on the coffee table.

"Yellow fishing boots. Luke ordered them for me when he started working on his father's boat. We broke up before they came in and after we got back together he forgot about them. Apparently April found them in the back of his closet and he decided it was a good idea to bring them to me. But Rory, I don't understand. The first time we broke up was not half as bad as things are right now. So, if he didn't bring me the boots last time, why now?"

"Maybe because he got them right after you broke up last time, and now he had the time to think?"

Lorelai shook her head. "It just doesn't make any sense. I mean, I'd love to believe that he's willing to forgive me for what I did to him, but I don't see how he can."

"Why not? Luke loves you mom. You know it."

"Maybe. But Hon, I know I'll never be able to forgive myself. How will he? I've been thinking about this for months, and there's no way. If there was one, I would have found it."

"But mom, there is. If Luke finds out how much he hurt you all that time, he may understand why you did it."

"But there's no explanation for why I did it. I don't even remember doing it, and I'm glad I don't, but still. I remember waking up in bed next to your father, and realizing how I messed up the one relationship that meant everything to me."

"What's done is done mom. You can live in guilt for the rest of your life, or you have to learn to forgive yourself and to live with what you've done and understand that Luke can do the same. Listen, Lane called me and said that April showed Luke her wedding video. I think he finally realized how hurt you was and found a way to forgive you."

"He wasn't supposed to see that. The whole freaking town covered for me so he wouldn't find out."

"And I've told you all along that was a mistake. You were hurting and he didn't know it. I know you wanted to give him all the time he needed, but I've told you so many times that it was time to tell him the truth."

"It was too late."

"No it wasn't. It was never too late. It's not even too late now."

"Yes it is. We have to move on and I have to learn to be on my own."

"But that's crazy. You just said Luke wants to get back with you."

"But for how long? Until one of us finds out another big secret and we don't know how to deal with it? Until Chris forgets that I never ever want to see him again, and walks back into my life? Luke won't be able to handle that and he'll walk away again. And I can handle living by myself for the rest of my life, but I can't handle losing him once again."

"I don't believe that'll happen. I believe that the two of you are meant for each other."

"I thought so too Rory. But now I know that I've been wrong all along."

"Don't say that. You know just as much as I do that Luke's the one for you. All you have to do is learn to communicate. Both you and Luke have been living on your own for most of your lives. You just have to learn to share that life."

"You know that's not true. I've been living with you most of my life."

"Yes, but it's different. You're my mother, and even though we were more friends than mother and daughter when I got older, you were still my mother and I had to listen to what you had to say. You tried to run things by me first, but if I didn't agree, I still had to obey. Living with a guy is different. You're equal."

"We were equal."

"We both know that even though most of the times we were, that's not completely true. What I'm trying to say is, you and Luke are both independent. You learned to handle situations on your own, without really having to think of the consequences and how it would make other people feel."

"I don't know…"

"It's true mom. You're both so independent and now you have to learn how to share things, how to make one life out of your separate lives. That's what marriage is about. And I know how much you wanted to marry Luke, even when he was hurting you, but what would have been the basis of that marriage?"

Lorelai was tired. She tried to understand what Rory was saying and she knew Rory was partially right, but she couldn't see the point. "I don't see where this is going."

"You would have had a marriage based on a lie mom. Luke didn't know how you were feeling about the whole April situation. As much as you thought it would make a difference to be married, I don't believe it would have made any. It wouldn't have made your problems go away."

Lorelai closed her eyes while she took in what Rory was saying. "So you're saying that our relationship was doomed no matter what."

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. What I'm trying to say is that you and Luke were supposed to work out all the issues separating you, before you were ready to get married. And no matter what happened in between, if you are both ready to forgive the other for the mistakes made, you're on your way to getting ready. It's not too late. You have to learn to talk about everything and more than anything you have to forgive Luke just like he's forgiving you. And if you can do that, you will be able to spend the rest of your life with Luke because nothing else will matter."

"So you think there's still a chance for us?"

"Yes I do. Think about what I've said, but don't wait too long, Mom. He won't wait for you forever."

Lorelai nodded. "I'll think about it. Thanks for talking to me sweetie. How's school going?"

"Busy from the start. But exciting. I can't believe this will be my last year."

"Me neither."

-xxxxxx-

After Lorelai hung up the phone, she stood up to close the front door and to take the trash into the kitchen. After she turned off all the lights, she took the shoe box from the table and climbed the stairs. She put the box on the bed and walked into the bathroom to take a long, hot shower. In the shower she thought of everything Luke had said to her, and everything Rory had said. When she finally turned off the water, she was more exhausted than she'd been the last few months with all the sleepless nights. But when she saw the shoe box on her bed, she suddenly wasn't tired anymore. She opened her closet and far in the back she saw her perfect dress. She had no other option than to take it out and give it a closer look. She spread it out on the bed and tried to picture herself in it. When she couldn't, she put it on and looked at herself in the mirror.

The dress seemed as perfect as it had when she first saw it. Her eyes filled with tears again as she thought about how she was supposed to wear this dress on June 3rd and how she was supposed to get married that day. But for the first time, as she looked at the dress, she realized that there was something wrong with it. The color seemed a little off, and the veil made her head look big. And it was just a little too sparkly all together. She looked at herself in the mirror, and for the first time she knew that this dress wasn't it. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized it had all been wrong. She planned a wedding in one day. She wanted nothing more than to get married, but she had rushed into it. It's a weird thing to say when you're 38 years old, but she rushed into this marriage. Or at least, she wanted to rush into it. And when the whole thing got postponed, she wanted to rush into it again when she went to Luke with her ultimatum.

She took the dress off and put it back in its bag. She would put the dress on the internet tomorrow. When she is marrying Luke she wants everything to be perfect. She wants the dress that makes her cry when she puts it on for the first time. Like it always happens in the movies. She wants to plan the wedding with Luke and not with Sookie. She wants to run everything by him and by their daughters and she wants to take all the time she needed. Rory was right when she said they had to work out all their issues before they were ready for marriage. And it was about time they started working on it.

T.B.C.