A/N- Hello everyone. It's been a long time since I posted a story. I hope you enjoy and please review! Thanks to Kylie and Steffi for being awesome! And the biggest thank you ever to Diane for beta reading for me
Also this is set sometime during or after season 4. Samantha knows about Jack and Anne.
ANYMORE
Samantha looked out over New York City from her 6th floor apartment and watched her breathing fog up the window. She could hear the faint music from her radio through the bedroom door. The radio announcer came on and announced ''you're listening to 94.3, New York's country station'' as a new song began to play. Samantha slightly chuckled and thought to herself, when did I start listening to country?
I can't hide the way I feel about you anymore
I can't hold the hurt inside, keep the pain out of my eyes anymore.
My tears no longer waiting.. my resistance ain't that strong
My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone
And I'm tired of pretending that I don't love you anymore
The first verse of the song made every hair on Samantha's body stand up and she felt tears that she didn't want to shed start falling from her eyes. She looked up at the sky, of what little she could see, and wondered if Jack was happy. She knew she certainly wasn't. And it was killing her slowly. She wasn't sure anymore how longer she could pretend. And the song continued.
Let me make one last appeal to show you how I feel about you…hmmm
Cause there's no one else I swear, holds a candle, anywhere, next to you
My heart can't take the beating of not having you to hold
A small voice keeps repeating deep inside my soul..
It says I can't keep pretending that I don't love you anymore.
As the second verse was finishing, Samantha had a stream of tears rolling down her slightly pink cheeks. I don't need this pain. I don't need to feel this alone anymore, Samantha thought to herself and got up and opened a secret file on her laptop, as the song continued.
I've got to take the chance or let it pass by
If I expect to get on with my life
With my life…
As the paper was printing, the last of the song was finishing and Samantha couldn't believe she actually printed the one piece of paper that would change her life forever. The document had been on her laptop since the beginning of the affair. She wrote it to protect Jack; she never thought she'd have to use it to protect herself, her heart.
And I can't hide the way I feel about you anymore
And I can't hold the hurt inside, keep the pain out of my eyes anymore
My tears no longer waiting
Oh, my resistance ain't that strong
Oh, my mind keeps recreating a love with you alone
And I'm tired of pretending I don't love you anymore..anymore..anymore
When the song finally finished, Samantha folded up the official document and put it in an envelope and wrote "To: Supervisory Special Agent Jack Malone" on the front and placed it next to her gun and badge. She took one Ambein because she knew there would be no sleep if she didn't.
Samantha Spade's alarm clock rang promptly at 6 a.m., waking her up to a day that scared her like no other. Today would be the day and as she rolled out of bed thinking just that, she ran quickly to the bathroom and threw up the remaining ordered-in pizza from the night before.
Usually on the elevator ride to the 12th floor of the FBI building, Samantha was always preoccupied with a file or on her phone. But this morning she held one paper-thin envelope in her hand and her eyes fixed to the numbers above the door as it went slowly from the ground floor to the 12th floor. When the ding of the elevator doors opened, Samantha took in a deep breath and prayed—something rare for her. And she had a tiny laugh to herself that one little song was making her do things she never dreamed she would do. Finally she reached Jack Malone's office. Of course he was already there.
"Hey, Jack you got a minute?" Samantha asked, hands shaking and voice cracking.
Jack immediately noticed something was wrong and quickly answered "Yes of course, what's wrong Sam. You look very pale today."
Samantha shivered at him calling her Sam.
"I think it's time for me to move on." And she handed him the sealed envelope.
Jack looked dumbfounded at her as he had no idea what she was talking about. But he took the envelope and opened it, his worst nightmare coming true.
"What the hell is this, Sam?" Jack said taking off his glasses and moving around the desk to face Samantha.
"What does it look like, Jack?"
"Damnit Samantha, don't play games here! Why are you giving me your resignation?"
"Because I can't do this anymore."
"What? Sam, please talk to me. What's going on? Whatever it is I'll fix it. I don't want to lose you."
Samantha didn't reply. She took a step back, feeling so close to him that she could smell his aftershave and she wasn't his anymore to be that close to him. She felt tears and she tried her best to avoid his eyes.
"Please…. Sam, say something. Tell me. Please. SAM!" Jack finally yelled at her to get her to even acknowledge his presence.
She met his glaze with tear-filled eyes and simply said, "I can't pretend that I don't love you anymore." And she walked out of his office.