I wrote this at 1am in the morning, so please be gentle with your reviews!
Guess I was just in the mood for a little sentimental piece...
However, enjoy!
Dreaming of you
Last night I saw you in my dream. It was that day we spend on the beach, last autumn.You were standing at the ocean. A cool breeze ruffled your hair and you were laughing shyly at me while always tucking it back behind your ear. The sun was just arising, the soft light caressing your features while you just stood there motionlessly for a moment, looking at me.
I wonder if it was then that I knew we belonged together. I guess I knew it before, but at that moment it filled my consciousness, my heart, my soul. Every single molecule in my body was vitalized by the knowledge, leaving me with a feeling of peace I never felt before. I guess you must have felt similar because we both took a step forward, grabbing each other's hands. I pulled you close as did you, like we never wanted to part again.
,I love you.'' I said.
,I love you, too.'' You replied.
And then, sighing contently on my shoulder you whispered
,This is for always, Olivia. I can feel it. We are for always.''
I told you I knew and we kissed.
Life couldn't get better than this. Me and you….it was perfect. Something so right and so deeply rooted in our souls that it almost seemed unreal. And yet I have never experienced anything as real as this. It was present all the time. Wherever I went and whatever I did, I did it with you in my heart and the thought of you in my consciousness.
Such a perfect thing that it just couldn't last.
You have been gone for half a year now. I often wonder how you are right now. How you wear your hair, if they forced you to color or cut it. If you have been allowed to wear the same glasses. I wonder what house you live in, what kind of job you are doing. I'm wondering a lot these days.
The last months have been hell to me. Living without you has been…let's just say it has been hard. To be honest, it's been like someone ripped out my heart, leaving a huge gaping hole in my chest. It's been like someone took the sun out of the sky, changing the world into a dark place without security, without anything to cling onto, everything tumbling and falling to pieces.
I was bitter, I felt betrayed by destiny and was angry at the whole world. Why did it have to be us? Why not anyone else? I know I'm terribly selfish. But yet…we were so happy. To destroy the best thing that ever happened in my life…there's no justice in the world.
People were worrying about me. I could tell by all the secret glances flying around the squad-room when I entered, the quickly changing subjects of conversation. And I didn't give a damn. With you gone, it didn't matter.
Did you feel this way, too?
I'm asking myself while I'm standing on our spot at the beach, watching the waves rolling back and forth at a constant rhythm. Alone. Without you.
But this morning, something changed. When I got up, I could feel your presence close to me, as if you were laying just beside me. I remembered your sleeping face on the pillow, the morning light on your hair, your face, your bare skin.
And suddenly I understood. I have been such a fool. Didn't we promise our love was for always? How could I forget that feeling wrapping itself around me, telling me that nothing could ever tear us apart?
I don't know where you are right now. I don't know what you are doing. How you're looking, what you're wearing. But I know that I love you. And I know that you love me. Maybe right now we can't be together, but with a certainty as profound as the ocean in front of me I know that someday we will be together again.
,I love you.'', I say devoutly, looking at the horizon, hoping that wherever you may be, you can still feel me here, thinking of you, waiting for you. Until one day we will be together again. Forever.
Fin