Kansatsu: What? Wait... you're finally writing? Dammit.
Tobikunai: Shaddup. Anyyyyyyyyyyyway, what I was saying is, I had WAY too much crap to do before school let out, and then I decided to waste my whole spring break playing FF9 (yay for Vivi!) and reading (and re-reading) Megatokyo ('tis so l33t n.n). But, in my favor, i got REALLY far on putting together a new WBB chapter, for any readers of that fic who still think I may be alive. n.n
Kansatsu: If I kill you, would that keep you from updating?
Tobikunai: No. I would rise from beyond the grave, continue my procrastination, and eventually cobble together a half-page piece of crap for the world to pretend to laugh at. What I do usually, basically.
Kansatsu: (sigh) It was worth a shot.
Disclaimer: If I owned FFX... well, it wouldn't even be out yet, so, yeah, you can guarantee it's not mine. n.n
o-Chapter Five: Insanity is Spelled: "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"-o
-Scene on the S.S. Winno Where Tidus is Eavesdropping-
Wakka: What do you want me to do?
Lulu: Yuna wants to make him a guardian.
Wakka: Oh yeah, geez... There's that too, ya?
Lulu: And whose fault is that?
Wakka: Not mine! ...It is mine, ya?
(suddenly, Tidus is at the bottom of the stairs again)
Tidus: (at the top of his lungs) WOW, I TELEPORTED! IT MUST BE A WORK OF GOD! OR ALIENS! OR MAYBE ZOMBIES! I'm going to go do that again. (runs back up the stairs)
-Next Eavesdropping Scene-
Wakka: Well, yeah, I mean... He's gotta decide for himself, ya? Well, him and Yuna, I guess.
Lulu: You're right, for once. I wonder which is best...
Tidus: (Glances at script) Oh, yay, it's over, now I can teleport again! Whoa, wait, where am I... (stares blankly around at... Guadosalam) AUGH! The ship has transformed into a city made out of trees! IT MUST BE POPULATED BY MARTIAN SQUIRRELS! AUUUUUUUGH, SOMEBODY SAVE ME!
Rikku, offstage:(giggle) It's kinda lame how easy it is to mess with these teleportation devices... n.n
-Blitzball Jecht Shot Flashback-a-ma-jig-
Jecht: Well, well, trying to follow in my footsteps, are you? I usually charge for lessons, you know... That shot is done like this! (jumps into the air, twirls, does a fancy flip thing, ...and lands on his head.) Itai... x.X
Chibi-Tidus: Wow, that's really all there is to it?
Director: CUT! MEDIC!
-Scene Where Tidus Tries To Do the Jecht Shot-
Tidus: The best? Yeah, right. (jumps into the air, twirls, does a fancy flip thing, ...and lands on his head.) Oh YEAH! I DID IT! Yes, you know I rule!
Yuna: -.-
-Scene Where Everyone Arrives in Luca-
Announcer-Dude: Right, Jimma. Moving right along, our next team is... Here they are, folks! Our very own Luca Goers! They've got power! They've got speed! They've got teamwork! THEY'VE GOT A REALLY STUPID NAME! I mean, the "go-ers"?
Director: (sigh) Yes, I know it's a stupid name, can we just deal with it and move on?
Random Goer Member:(eye twitch) Shut up! Our name is BEAUTIFUL!
Announcer-Dude: Uh-huh. Whatever. Next up are-
Random Goer Member: Grrr... (throws a blitzball at him)
Director: Cut!
-Scene Where Tidus Claims He's Taking the Cup-
Wakka: It's like this every year, ya? Don't let it bother you.
(Tidus climbs the crate and picks up a microphone)
Tidus: (speaking into the microphone) Stop right there, Goers! You guys are smilin' now, but not for long! 'Cause this year- wh-WHOA! (Falls off the crate)
-Scene From Above (Take II)-
Tidus: (speaking into the microphone) Stop right there, Goers! You guys are smilin' now, but not for long! 'Cause this year, us Aurochs are taking the cup!
Rest of Cast: "us Aurochs"? -.-
Seymour (offstage): Have you no grasp of grammar?
Tidus: Shut up! Me talk good!
Lulu (to Yuna): And you like him... why, again?
Yuna: I'm beginning to wonder that myself. -.-
-Scene From Above (Take III)-
Tidus: (climbs up on the crate) Er... Where's the microphone?
Rest of Cast:(shrug)
Tidus: Oh well.. (Reaches beyond the confines of space and time to pull out... Cait Sith's megaphone)
Rest of Cast:(anime falls) WTF?
Tidus: What? IT'S SHINY! And I'm sure the FF7 cast won't mind if I shut that cat... robot... thing up for a while!
Director: -.- CUT!
-Scene Where Tidus Talks to the Al Bheds-
Al Bhed 1: E meto summoner!
Al Bhed 2: Fa sicd nabund.
Tidus: Hey! Al Bhed Psyches, right? Some Al Bhed saved me the other day, and... This girl Rikku gave me food and... Uh... You don't understand me, do you? Uh,
anyway... If you meet Rikku, tell her thanks for me. Oh, and as for the first game? May the best team win!
Al Bhed 1: Tu oui ghuz dnec eteud? (do you know this idiot?)
Al Bhed 2: Oac, na'c dna uha zudn dna pyt knyssyn. (Yes, he's the one with the bad grammar.)
Al Bhed 1: Dna "oc Aurochs" kio? (The "us Aurochs" guy?)
Al Bhed 2: Oab. (Yep)
Al Bhed 1: Ur. Frydajan. Ryjah'd fa kud y bmud tu ytjyhla? (Oh. Whatever. Haven't we got a plot to advance?)
Al Bhed 2: Cusadrehk mega dnyd. (Something like that.)
Director: CUT! No ad libbing!
-Scene Where Mika Gives a Speech-
Mika: Today, on this glorious day, players from all over Spira have assembled here...to participate in this great contest of bravery, skill, and strength. All of these fine teams, equally renowned, deserve to win the cup today. Such is the nature of this contest. Let us, the spectators, play our role accordingly. Let us sing to the glory of the winners, and applaud equally the valor of the defeated. Contestants, may Yevon be with you.
(Silence)
Mika: (ahem) Contestants, may Yevon be with you.
(Silence)
Mika: Ahem. (Glances around at the cast) Oh, great. (All of the, even the extras, have fallen asleep)
Random Crowd Member:(Wakes up) Is the speech over? Praise be to Yevon I thought you were never gonna shut up...
Mika: (sniff) I'm so unappreciated...
-Scene After Saving Yuna From the Thingamajig-
Lulu: I hope you hurt them.
Yuna: A little.
Tidus: Uh... how?
Yuna: Pardon?
Tidus: You're a White Mage.
Yuna: ...and?
Tidus: All you know are Cure spells, and you can do like, 30 damage per hit. How the heck did you manage to hurt them?
Yuna: Easy. I reached into my infinite collection of Warp Spheres, located, warped to, and learned Zombie Attack on the sphere grid, then devised a complex series of difficult spells to get rid of all of their immunities to Zombie Attack before realizing I could just steal the armor that had it so I located, warped to and learned Steal, then I stole the armor and casted Cura on the Al Bhed a few times. (stares at Tidus and Lulu's completely blank faces) Okay, so it wasn't very simple but... hey! I got three pieces of mediocre-quality Zombie-proof armor from it, ne?
Director: People, PLEASE stick to the script!
-Scene After the Match-
Lulu: Not the most...graceful win. If it was Chappu, he'd still be standing.
Tidus: Hey, aren't you being just a little unfair?
Lulu: Excuse me?
Tidus: I know I could never take Chappu's place. You're the one who told Wakka that, right, Lulu? And I don't think Wakka could ever try to take Chappu's pl-
Lulu: You don't want to finish that sentence.
Tidus: I don't...? Why?
Lulu: (eye twitch) (SMACK!)
Tidus: Itai... X.x
-Just Before the Blitzball Match-
Lulu: I saw you floating there, on the sphere.
Wakka: Hey, you weren't supposed to see that.
(Wakka faints and Lulu catches him before he hits the ground.)
Lulu: You really gave it your all, didn't you?
Yuna: (hiding behind the wall) Okay, Rikku-chan, give me the camera! (giggle)
Rikku: (giggle) Hai! Umm... It must be somewhere in here... umm...
Yuna: YOU FORGOT THE CAMERA?
Rikku: Gomen ne...
Lulu: (ahem) May I ask what you are doing?
Yuna: n.n (nervous laugh)
Director: CUT!
-Blitzball game-
Bobba: Everyone seems to be calling for Wakka, folks!
(Tidus swims out of the sphere pool)
Audience: Huh?
Tidus: YES! I'm FREE! I'M FREE! YOKATTA!
Director: Um... no, actually you still have to play.
Tidus and Audience: NOOO!
-About Seventy Million and Four Tiebrakers into the Game-
Tidus: PLEASE, KAMI-SAMA MAKE IT STOP! THIS INCESSANT MINIGAME IS EATING MY BRAIN!
Yuna: Um, Tidus, you don't have a brain. -.-
Tidus: Oh, yeah...
-During the Infamous "Laughing Scene"-
Tidus and Yuna: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Auron: Have you had them comitted to an insane asylum yet?
Lulu: We can't find one for people quite this strange...
Director: We're trying, though...
And the #1 threat to Tobikunai's update schedule is... SQUARESOFT! This would have beeen out weeks ago if it weren't for KH2... but oh well, beter really (really really really) late than never... sorta... SORRY! But despite many difficulties-
Kansatsu: -Namely, Tobikunai's obsession with reading the Bartimaeus trilogy books and a sudden mysterious inabilty to spell "Tidus"
Tobikunai: Shaddup. (ahem) But despite many difficulties, It's finally out!
Next chapter'll be Mi'hen Highroad! O tanashimi ni!