Every relationship has pivotal moments. Kara and William Adama's has had a number of them. Here's my version of one that explains some of what their relationship has come to be. Please feel free to comment on my madness...

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own the characters, but I do own to enjoying taking them out to play. There's no intent to give offense.

And Now, the Truth...
By: Mariel

Her mouth was soft and inviting, and he responded to it instinctively. Shocked, tentative touches of their lips had evolved into brief, exploratory kisses that somehow became longer, deeper ones as they were swept up in a mutual rush of surprise and pleasure.

Standing in the warm lighting of his quarters, he wrapped his arms around her. She put her arms around his neck, and pressed herself against him, the fingers of one hand caressing the back of his neck.

She tasted good, and he felt life flow through him in a way he'd long forgotten. After a moment, however, he reluctantly drew away. Trying to clear his head, he lifted his chin to press his lips to her forehead. How they had gotten into this position was unclear... One minute it had been a casual, quick hug goodbye. The next-

It didn't feel as uncomfortable as he might have thought.

That worried him.

A lot.

"Kara..."

She moved against him, and her mouth met with his neck just above his collar. For another moment he weakened. Tilting her chin up, he met her lips, allowing himself to fall under the spell that seemed to have entranced them both. It felt good to let go so unexpectedly, to be carried away by the rush of his body's response to another's-

"Kara," he finally said again. Tearing his mouth away from hers he whispered hoarsely, "This isn't right. We can't. It won't help."

She lifted her hand and pressed her fingers lightly against his lips. It would, she thought, help a lot. Because she wanted it to. And though he said it wasn't right, with all the assuredness of her past experience she was certain it was. The closeness she and William Adama had developed since her arrival on the Galactica had been unexpected and special. And now the warmth between her legs, the growing excitement she felt in him...it all made 'this' very right. More adept at following the current of her emotions than he, she fixed her eyes on his lips, then slowly placed her mouth against them again. "Shhhhh..." she murmured. "This feels too good..."

Excitement washed over her and warm anticipation coursed through her veins. She felt alive, and connected and safe...

He didn't pull away. Mesmerized by the intensity of the feelings that ran through him, he tightened his arms around her again...

Her fingers nimbly undid his uniform buttons and he felt her hands slide over the muscles of his back. His lips travelling across the smooth planes of her face, he murmured, "This is crazy."

She angled her head back and looked at him. Raising a hand to his face, she leaned forward to kiss the side of his mouth and then sensually drew her lips across his in a wordless denial. There was nothing crazy about this at all. In fact, it made perfectly good sense. He was hurting; she was hurting; this would help them heal. Pressing herself against him, she smiled as his mouth found the softness of her neck. They cared about each other; they were lonely; and now they were experiencing a decidedly physical response to one another that made her blood quicken.

Making love to express all that seemed the next logical step.

Torn between sense and sensation, Adama trailed soft kiises from her neck to her lips. Her body felt firm and strong and alive beneath his hands. He quested for more contact, his hands sliding beneath her shirts and warming the soft flesh he found there. She felt precious, like life itself, and he held her tenderly while his expert caresses drew a response from her that elated him...

He wasn't sure how long they stood there, hands exploring, mouths connecting, but when he realised he'd taken steps backwards in the direction of his rack, he shuddered to a stop. Inhaling deeply, he stilled. Releasing his arms from around her, he placed gentle hands on her shoulders.

Ignoring the demands of his body, he rasped, "No. We can't do this. We have to stop." His voice held both regret and resolve.

Ignoring his words, Kara moved her hands beneath his undershirts. Splaying her fingers slightly, she slid them across the warm skin of his chest in slow, sensual movements. She could feel his warmth seep into her, feel his heart beating a steady tattoo... She stepped closer. She could feel his response to her, knew that they were both ready...

"Why?" she murmured. "We both want to."

He groaned inwardly. Trust Kara to state the obvious.

Knowing she was terribly right, he made a movement to reclaim her mouth, then stopped abruptly. Forcing himself to think instead of feel, his hand went to cup the side of her neck. The contact kept her away and held her to him all at the same time. He couldn't have said which was his true desire.

Both, perhaps.

"Because we want to, doesn't mean we should." He drew a deep breath. "Sometimes what we want is very, very wrong, Kara."

She held his gaze steadily. To her, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to draw nearer to him, to make physical the emotional closeness they had come to share. She needed him for reasons she couldn't explain; knew that he needed her for reasons probably just as inexplicable. It made no sense that he should want to deny them the comfort and pleasure she knew this new intimacy would give them.

She looked at him closely, however, and what she saw in his eyes made her sigh and relax slightly.

"And you've decided this is one of the times what we want is wrong," she said, regretfully.

He nodded. "I know it is." His voice was gentle and his thumb softly traced her jaw line. She was beautiful and young and trusting and wounded...His eyes closed for a moment. This wasn't what she needed. To continue would be wrong on so many levels it was hard to count them all...

She slipped her hands out from beneath his undershirts and placed them on top instead. Focussing on them as she smoothed the material, she tried to ignore the desire that still thrummed through her insistently. She wanted its release, and she wanted to share the pleasure of that release with him.

Leaning against him, she closed her eyes. He did not draw away. With his hand still resting on her shoulder and his thumb still caressing the side of her face, she enjoyed the gentleness of his touch and the little cascades of sexual thrill it sent through her. After several heart beats, she drew her head back and opened her eyes to meet his. "It would be so good," she told him softly.

He could not disagree with her, but he stepped back from the abyss anyway. Taking another deep breath and then letting it out in a rush, he placed his hands on her upper arms and held her away from him slightly.

"I'm sure it would be better than good," he said in a dry tone, "But this isn't what we really want-" He caught himself and admitted, "Or, at least it's definitely not what we need. And," he finished with a flash of warm humour, "I'm too old for this or for you, Kara. At my age, it would probably kill me."

His gruffly spoken comment broke the tension. Unable to resist his self-deprecating smile, she smiled in return. Her knees still trembling from the physical response he had elicited from her, she shook her head. "I don't think so - but I suppose explaining your death mght be a little tricky, even for me..." She looked at him and gifted him a sly grin. "What if I promised to be very, very gentle?"

He was strong and solid, and gods, all she wanted to do was lie down with him and have him bring her to completion, even if it were just this one time...

When he merely looked at her, she reached up and took his face between her two hands. After looking at him a moment, she pulled back and sighed. The moment had passed when the barriers he placed around himself could be breached. The realisation washed over her like a cold shower.

"Damn," she said. "You've really made up your mind."

She waited a moment then asked, "Are you certain?"

When he stared at her wordlessly, she added dryly, "I mean, it'll be hard, spending the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like."

He raised an eyebrow. "You'll get over it," he grunted. "And yes, I'm certain. We'd regret this, and we don't need more regrets."

The last part caught at her heart. He had no idea of the regrets she already carried. Looking at him with emotion-filled eyes, she felt tears well up. No one had ever cared about her the way William Adama did. No one had ever been so unconditional with their trust and affection. And no one had ever looked out for her the way he did. Reaching up, she caressed his cheek with her fingertips. A strange melancholy settled around her. Resolutely, she shoved it aside. If this was what he wanted...

Forcing a grin, she dropped her hand and said, "You're a very special man, William Adama. And maybe a very crazy one."

He inclined his head. His eyes gleaming fondly, he answered, "And you, Kara Thrace, are a very special young woman - and definitely certifiable."

She laughed. Tilting her head to one side, she looked at him with shining eyes. How could anyone not love him?

"Which is why you like me," she grinned impishly.

He chuckled. "Which is one of the reasons I like you," he amended.

On a roller coaster of emotions, her smile dropped and her features became solemn. When she spoke, her voice was low and sincere.

"What I feel for you... it's confusing. And this-" She touched his chest delicately, her fingers trailing a moment before she rested her palm against his heart. "This makes it even more confusing." Refusing to meet her eyes, she added quietly, "I think I do love you, though."

The raw, trusting honesty of her words tore at him. He cleared his throat. "I'll admit to the confused part, myself," he admitted. "This...this is unexpected. I-" He paused again, then finally continued, "We've shared a lot since Zak's death. If you feel love for me, then I'm honoured. I know that I love you, too-" He hesitated while he searched for the right words, then continued, "But what kind of love we choose it to be, and how we express it...that's important. Adding sex to our relationship would be a mistake, Kara. It may take a while to figure out what to label what we are to each other, but 'lovers' shouldn't be on the list of choices. You deserve better than that." A slight smile curved his lips. "Let's not make things more complicated than they already are."

When she looked as though she were going to disagree, he forestalled her by saying, "We have to live forever with what we do now, and I honestly don't think you'd want to live forever with what we were on the way to doing. Somehow, at some point, we'd realise it was the wrong thing to do, and it's not something we could take back."

Kara looked at him. She couldn't imagine regretting anything she shared with him, but she was always aware that Adama saw things she didn't and in ways she couldn't. She acted and then dealt with the consequences; he thought and then acted - a product, perhaps of his greater age and experience. He also lived by a strict set of personal rules. Making love with her would probably break at least a half a dozen of them.

Trusting his judgment, she admitted, "I don't understand, not completely."

"You will," he promised in a gruff voice. Kissing her on the forehead, he slowly released her and stepped away. Walking over to his desk, he picked up his glasses and put them on. "And now it's time you said goodbye and called it a night. I want you at your best tomorrow. There's only a few months left until the Galactica's decommissioned. They're coming to talk about arrangements tomorrow. I want a few impressive fly bys for our visiting dignitaries. Afterwards, we'll have dinner and I can tell you how totally frakked up their plans are."

His timing and tone were perfect, and they both knew it. The moment had passed without discomfort and they were moving on. She sketched him a relaxed salute. "My pleasure, sir."

They stood and smiled at one another a long moment. They'd never speak of what had just happened tonight; no one would ever know how close they'd come to - and how much both of them had wanted - what Adama had put a stop to.

It was, after all, no one's business but their own.

And, through some miracle, it would not be because they felt ashamed or guilty. Examining how she felt as she prepared to leave, Kara realised that Adama had turned what could have been an embarrassing fiasco into something warm and special and to be treasured. Something important had been acknowledged tonight, and it would lead to an even closer, more trusting relationship. That she felt no regret over how far they'd gotten or embarrassment that he'd stopped before they'd gone further was something only he could have managed.

She smiled inwardly. Not that she wouldn't always wonder what it would have been like.. Drinking in his smile, however, she knew that she would take greater pleasure in what she didn't have to wonder about any longer.

Because he'd told her.

He'd said he loved her, and Adama didn't lie.

Her heart swelled. To be loved unconditionally was new to her, and wonderful gift she would need to examine and hold close to her heart. Everything that had happened - and not happened - tonight and the decisions they'd made...it had all transpired the way it had because in some crazy way she couldn't fathom, he was looking out for her.

Because he loved her.

Finally, she nodded. "Good night, Commander," she said. Turning, she made her way towards the exit.

When she reached the hatch, she stopped. Making an about face, she looked at him with eyes that glistened with emotion. Holding her chin up she said in a level tone:

"I've only said this to one other person in my life, and now I want to say it to you."

Her eyes steady, she held his gaze and said in a soft, sure voice, "I love you, and it makes me happy as hell."

She smiled at him brilliantly, then turned and left.

Adama stared at where she had stood for several moments.

A smile slowly broke out on his face. "And I love you, too," he finally murmured to the closed hatchway.

Shaking his head at the strange twists and turns life took, he moved to sit at his desk.

-xxx-

He sat in deep thought. He'd known for a long time that Kara Thrace was more to him than simply his dead son's fiancé. She had been more than that since the very day he'd sought her out before Zak's funeral. He smiled, remembering...He'd approached her from behind and when she'd turned at the sound of his saying her name he'd known the minute their eyes had met that she was someone who would mean something to him. On some strange level he didn't understand, he and Kara were connected, and always would be.

He wasn't sure how that made him feel.

He did, however, know that not allowing their relationship to take the turn it had almost taken had been the right decision. And it was more than the fact that she was too close to the beginning of life and he too near its end; more than his being, for now at least, her commanding officer. He held a deep-seated belief that there was someone out there waiting for her love. Someone right. Someone who could wipe away the shadows that sometimes clouded her eyes. Someone who would answer her needs and help her become the woman she was destined to be.

Someone to share her life the way it was meant to be shared...

-xxx-

In her quarters, Kara Thrace turned off her rack light. Turning over, she curled up on her side and drew her blanket over her shoulder. Softly, her thoughts drifted to what had transpired in Adama's quarters. She'd known from the moment she'd turned around and first laid eyes on him that William Adama would be more to her than simply her dead fiance's father. They were connected in a way she had never be able to explain, and, she was sure, always would be.

For a long time, she hadn't been certain how she felt about that.

Now, in spite of the terrible secret she couldn't bring herself to tell him, she realised the connection made her happy. She wasn't used to permanency, and the thought of having it with him had a sense of rightness about it that reassured her.

-xxx-

Remembering the feel of her in his arms, he thought one last thought before rising and turning off his lamp...

The man Kara Thrace loved would be a fortunate man indeed.

-xxx-

Remembering what they had shared and considering what they had almost shared, Kara smiled. Closing her eyes tightly, she relived how it had felt to have his arms around her.

Any woman loved by William Adama would a fortunate woman indeed.

And that was the truth.

End
And Now, the Truth