Peyton's eyes fluttered open to the sound of bird singing outside of her open window. She looked up at the ceiling, blinking the sleep from her eyes. Golden sunlight was pouring in from the gap in the curtains, bathing the room in yellow light. Yawning widely and stretching out her arms, she rolled over and sat up.
She frowned as she looked around the room, her clothes lay strewn over the carpet and the lamp that usually stood on the nightstand was laying on it side, shards of glass from the broken bulb glistened in the morning sunlight.
She sat there and rubbed her eyes in confusion…
Suddenly, in a horrible, sickening rush everything came back to her. Images flashing through her mind, taking him home, kissing him, undressing each other, going into the bedroom…She felt like she had been punched in the stomach.
She looked at the rumpled bed sheets and closed her eyes, letting out a low groan. What had she done?
She grabbed her robe and pulled it around herself as she walked across the room, stepping carefully over the broken glass and ruffling her hair with a sigh. Where was he? Had he just taken off?
What was she going to say to him now? Things would be so awkward…so different, back how they were before. How could they have done this? How could she have done it? He was drunk…grieving over his dead wife.
As she stepped out into the hallway she let out a long sigh. Well if things were fucked up before then they definitely were now. Why did this have to happen? Things were finally getting back on track, they were friends again and now she had ruined everything.
Why had she kissed him? She was sober…had she wanted to? She shook her head, she couldn't have wanted it. She didn't feel that way about him anymore…did she? Questions raced around her tired mind as she struggled to comprehend what had happened…
She checked in the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen but there was no sign of him. He was gone.
Her heart was pounding in her ears as she collapsed down onto the couch and leant back, closing her eyes. She didn't know what to do. If she spoke to him she wouldn't know what to say. Words wouldn't be able to make this okay. She had slept with him. She was just so confused; she didn't know why he had done it. She didn't know how she felt. She couldn't have feelings for him, if she did she would know wouldn't she? But if she didn't, why had last night happened? Why hadn't she pulled away?
Maybe something, something in the back of her mind or deep in her heart hadn't let her pull away, deep down she had wanted it and maybe that was why this had happened. But she didn't know, all she did know was that she had to find Lucas. She had to explain.
She plucked the phone from his cradle and quickly dialed in his number, holding it up to her ear with shaking hands.
It rang a few times and she waited nervously, trying to think about what she would actually say to him if he picked up. She still couldn't believe it had happened, it felt like some warped dream.
It was his wife's birthday
She suddenly felt a huge rush of sickening guilt, it gnawed at her as the phone continued to ring…Eventually it went to voicemail.
"Hey, this is Lucas. You know the drill."
She smiled faintly at his message before the tone sounded in her ear.
"Um…hey, it's me. Peyton. I…I think we need to talk…about…about last night. I need to explain. Sorry. Call me when you get this." She said softly before hanging up. She felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes and she closed her eyes quickly, letting out a shaky breath. She wished she could just turn back the clock…
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She had spent the whole day phoning him but it was always the same, straight to voicemail. Karen didn't know where he was, Haley didn't know, Brooke didn't know, Nathan didn't know. He had disappeared and she couldn't find him anywhere.
As each second passed she could feel herself before more tense, more worried. She just needed to talk to him, to see if he was okay. She hated this, she didn't even know how he felt about this, how he had reacted.
After looking through most of Tree Hill she had set off to find the only other place he could be and the one that seemed most obvious…
She walked across the neatly cut grass, the wind rustling through the trees and she folded her arms, pulling her jacket tighter around herself. As she looked along the rows of headstones she felt out of place, like she shouldn't be here. If he was here, did she have a right to come here and talk about it? At his wife's grave?
As she looked ahead she could see him. Sitting on a bench. Her whole mouth seemed to go dry as she watched him, her heart beating a little faster. She didn't know what to say, how to do this. Would he hate her?
Preparing herself, she walked forward and stood next to the bench. He had a bunch of flowers in his hands and he didn't look up as she stood there. Feeling more awkward by the second she sat down next to him and they sat there for a while in silence, letting the breeze whip past them, the trees rustling and birds singing in the distance.
She looked across at the flowers and she felt another stab of guilt. She just felt so confused…so lost. She needed to straighten all of this out.
Lucas lifted his head and noticed her gaze resting on the flowers in his hands. He swallowed hard and looked down at the headstone.
"She used to love tulips." He said. She looked up, surprised and smiled weakly. He looked back down at them and sighed.
"Whenever I used to buy them for her, the smile on her face…" He smiled to himself at the memory and Peyton felt a lump in her throat as she blinked quickly, looking away. She couldn't do this, why did everything have to be so hard? Why couldn't things just go smoothly for once? Then she'd still be friends with Lucas and they wouldn't be sat here in an awkward silence.
"Lucas…" She began but he looked up and cut her off, his blue eyes shining.
"I betrayed her Peyton…she was my wife and I betrayed her! She's only been gone a couple of months…how could I do this to her?" He said, his voice cracking slightly.
She looked at him and willed herself to speak but she couldn't seem to find the words, they were lodged in her throat whilst she just stared at him. Her heart was racing and her thoughts seemed even more tangled as she struggled to come up with something to say, something that would make all of this go away.
"I just don't know…I feel so terrible and you and me it's…it's just…" He trailed off, meeting her gaze.
"Complicated?" She offered and he smiled.
"Yeah."
Peyton swallowed and looked down at the grave, a variety of flowers lay at it's base. Looking at him now she realised, if she wanted things to happen, they never would. He was still in love with Callie and he was hurting. She wasn't even sure how she felt but she knew he would need time and space…
"Last night was a mistake Lucas. I'm really sorry, you don't need to blame yourself. It didn't mean anything." She lied. She knew it meant something, she just wasn't sure what but she was going to give him what he needed to hear.
Lucas looked up at her and frowned slightly, he watched her as she struggled to speak. He didn't think that it meant nothing…but he wasn't sure if it meant anything. He…he was just so confused. He couldn't imagine being with anyone else after being with Callie so long…
"So we'll just forget it then?" She said, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to forget. She'd never forget.
Lucas merely nodded, not trusting his voice. He could describe how he felt in words, he felt…torn somehow. He knew he was just friends with Peyton but friends didn't just sleep together.
Peyton blinked again quickly as she felt her eyes brimming with tears. She knew she had to bury this…whatever this was.
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Lucas stayed on the bench even after Peyton had left. He couldn't face going back to Tree Hill just yet. He looked down at the headstone and sighed. Would she understand? He was drunk, he was upset, it was her birthday. It didn't mean anything was happening with him and Peyton…
It was just a drunken mistake…they had just got caught up in the moment. He sighed, that's what they had said last time and look what had happened there.
He looked back at the tulips. He felt terrible. He didn't want to do this to Callie, he wished he could take it back. He would give anything to have her back.
But what if he couldn't bury what happened between him and Peyton? Was there something there?...He didn't know, he was just so confused. Maybe if he just protected his heart, shielded it and kept his distance it wouldn't get broken again. If he didn't let anyone in, he couldn't lose them.
He knew if he got too close to Peyton she would just be taken away. He had already lost Callie. He couldn't betray her.
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She had tried to stop thinking about him, thinking about them but the harder she tried the more he seemed to creep back into her thoughts, the more she thought about last night. Why couldn't she just forget? She just wanted things to go back to how they were, she wanted to forget.
She couldn't be doing this again; she couldn't be falling in love with him again. She always seemed to pick the worst moments. This was the only explanation…why else would she think about him all the time, always want to be with him, always talking about him?
She had been so scared of letting him in, so scared of being hurt again that she hadn't been listening to her heart. She hadn't even realized how she felt about him and it took one drunken mistake to make her realise that…she loved him. She loved Lucas Scott.
Please drop me a review and make me smile! The next chapter skips ahead a bit and is the penultimate chapter so expect drama