Not Yet
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own South of Nowhere, I even checked, double checked and that's still a negative captain! Tom Lynch (God) owns them all…Waah!
Summary: Ashley's thoughts about a certain blonde from Ohio…
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She's amazing. But I can't tell her that. She's perfect. But I can't tell her that either. I want her. And I really can't tell her that.
Spencer…The name rolls off my tongue and I love the sound it makes. Even though it's a boy's name, I think it's perfect for her. She doesn't look like a Sara or a Sam or a Stephanie. She looks like a Spencer, not to say she looks like a guy or anything. Cuz she really, really, really doesn't.
She's perfect in everyway I could've hoped for. Beautiful cerulean blue eyes, golden blonde hair that shines when it's in the sun, the cutest, most adorable face I have ever seen, and the finest body I've ever dreamt about. (A/N: Aw c'mon, we all know it's true!)
But to get out of the gutter now…She doesn't know how I feel. At least I don't think she does…I'll have to hide it better, I guess.
I love sitting in the quad at lunch with her. We don't even have to talk and I love it. But right now, she's just watching me as I write in my stupid songbook. Thank god she doesn't know what I'm writing, or who I'm writing about.
Lately all my songs and/or poems have been about her. Even on the first day I met her, when I yelled at her, I found myself sitting in class and writing poems and songs about her! I mean, how much farther in love do I have to fall with this girl? I didn't even know her and I wanted to sing to her.
Falling in love. The one thing I never thought I would ever feel. This feeling of…Weightlessness. I'm falling when I'm with her. This feeling of slow-motion when she's not around, and when she is, everything speeds up and I want the clock to move slower. So much slower…
Being with Spencer is the only thing that makes me really happy nowadays. Aside from my music that is, but even then nothing beats spending time with my favorite blonde. Just thinking about her makes me blush! God, I am sooo falling fast.
I hope Spencer doesn't know how I feel about her. That would just make it awkward between us. Like the first time we nearly kissed, she avoided me for a couple days. And that was the worst. I had never felt so alone and so stupid in my entire life.
But we're beyond that now, and I don't want to remember or visit that lonely place. Ever. Again. It scared me to realize just how much my friendship with Spencer meant to me. I don't want to ruin it by chancing for something more.
But something more is all I really what. She's all I want; I haven't looked at another girl the way I look at Spencer. Like she has my full attention, and I don't think anyone beside her deserves it. She made me realize that no one else deserves my attention, or all the attention that I may have given them at one point in time.
I've changed since I met Spencer. Even Aiden's noticed it. It's kind of hard not to I guess. I don't party unless I'm with her, I don't flirt unless it's with her, I don't skip school so much anymore unless it's with her. I can't help but think she's been a really good influence on me.
I wonder if that's why she hangs around with me still. Because she knows she good for me, not because she cares…But I guess she would only stay around me if she did care that she was a good influence on me. Uh, does that make sense?
She smiles at me sometimes and I think she knows. There are times when she looks at me and I can almost see it in her deep eyes. She's trying to tell me 'I know, and it's ok.' But I get scared of that look and turn away. I know that she knows. I don't need her looking at me like that, a constant reminder that she does know.
So I can't tell her any of this. Ever. It would ruin the perfect friendship I've managed to actually create and keep. Being Spencer's friend means everything to me.
I want her to know how I really feel about her. Honestly, I do. I just don't know how to go about telling her my feelings. I could write the lines and recite the poem; I could inscribe the lines in my heart and sing them to her; I could spill my heart to her.
But I can't do it. I can't find the nerve needed to do it. It kills me that I can't tell her. I have to tell her.
Just…Not yet.
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Ok! I think that was pretty good, considering my review box for 'Maybe' wasn't even close enough to being full of opinions for me to go off of. Thanks a lot ladies and gents (sarcastic eye roll). Not to say that I don't appreciate the reviews that I did get, cuz I do, I just…I want more! (Does that make me sound like a desperate review whore or what?)
Ok, that little bluish-purple button in the left corner? You better click it…NOW! (If you know what's good for you…)