Fear
Disclaimer: Don't own anyone.
Author's Note: I'm going to try and write this fluffy romance thing about Olivia and Elliot so that's it below. If it's a success maybe I'll write one about other people. Like Casey or Alex or maybe even Huang.
"It's so late." I say outloud mainly to myself. It was late. Almost five am and I'm still at the precinct. I trace that scar on my neck. For a moment, my life flashed in front of my eyes. The fear that I was going to die. That was the first time it had ever hit me. And then the fear I felt when I saw a gun aimed at Elliot's head. I was terrified. Everything I feel for him hit me at once. I love him…through and through. No exceptions. So why did I request a new partner? Why did I ask Cragen for someone to take his place?
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I saw her fall. I saw the fear in her eyes and the way she touched her neck before hitting the ground. That fear was what got to me. Olivia. The bravest person I know with that look in her eye. The one we see in victims but have never had ourselves. In a split second, I knew that I couldn't live without her. She was that anchor that keeps me in place. She is everything and I can't lose her. I had made a choice then. I chose her over my job. My job is everything to me. Was everything. She changed that. I lost my temper again. Damn that temper of mine. I probably drove her away after that outburst. I told her that I needed someone who I could trust to take care of themselves. What was I thinking? She had always done just that. She was strong and tough even without me. I messed up. Now I'm afraid that it's too late.
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Cragen wants time to think. So do I. I walk out into the night. Something is tugging at the back of my mind. I know what it is. It's Elliot. I'm scared. I'm scared to lose him but scared of seeing him again. What is going on with me? His words keep playing in my mind. They cut deeper than the knife did. I tremble even though its hot outside. I'm walking aimlessly around Central Park now. My mind isn't clearing but is being filled with thoughts of him. Thoughts that I'm afraid to give myself into. Fear is something completely new to me. My job permits that I don't get scared. I do my job and that's that. I've seen horrors that no one should see and I deal with it everyday, but fear in its raw intense form is something completely new to me. I have never felt more scared than that moment where I thought I would lose myself into that blackness. That darkness that I would never be able to escape if I let it claim me. Then later, I saw something that made my fear for my life seem like nothing. Elliot. He stood before me and I had to make a choice. My job or him. I chose him like he chose me. Tears are pouring down my face.
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I need to talk to her. I can't keep doing this. I made a mistake and I can't risk losing her. Not over something like this. I need her. I trust her. She watches my back everyday and there is no one I trust more to keep me safe. That's what partners are for afterall. To keep each other safe when we're doing our job. I don't care what ethics call for but I'm falling in love with my partner. I can't help it. I'm falling for her everyday. I need to talk to her.
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I'm finally home. I sit down for a moment, but before I can relax, my doorbell buzzes. I get up with a groan. I look through the peephole. Elliot. I slowly open the door. He pushes the door completely open and bring his lips crashing down on mine. Sparks fly. I lose myself in him. I can't help it. I can't even think. It's just me and him now. We're going to get through this. We always get through everything and this time even fear.