"Hiei what are you doing?"
"I'm writing a letter fox, what does it look like?" Hiei grunted and continued to write.
"No I mean why are you still here, in my house? And what's the letter for?" Kurama peered over the smaller boys shoulder to get a better view.
"I'm still here because I have nothing better to do. So stop peering over my shoulder and let me get back to work!"
Kurama snatched the letter out from under Hiei and began to quickly read it,
To one Geffery Louis,
I accuse you of ruining my life forever and completely. On the cause that I was tricked into watching your documentary on the disgusting beings you call, Elephant Seals. Never again will I be able to eat Taffy of look at another shrimp without retching, gagging, or vomiting! I demand that you never show that disgusting piece of human filth on the T V machine or I will kill you. You will be hurt in the most painful of ways!
Signed, The murdering, thieving Hiei
Kurama finished reading and raised one of his perfectly sculpted brows skeptically at his partner. Had Hiei completely lost it? He already knew that the fire demon had a bad, monstrous, temper, but threatening a television show? That was new. "Really Hiei this isn't your style. Threats, in letters? I think you need to get out more."
"Shut the hell up Kurama!" Hiei grabbed the letter out of Kurama's hands, coddling it safely in his arms. "since I cannot leave this wretched city I must resort to other means of revenge!"
Kurama frowned and crossed his arms, "you know I don't think I knew you could write either.."
The demons eye twitched. "Are you even listening to me fox? I need my revenge." He got right up into the humans face and shook his fist.
Kurama jumped back sensing Hiei's ki rise. "Now now, " putting his hands up defensively, "No need to get violent Hiei." Kurama patted the short boys head. "What type of revenge is it Hiei? What did this Geffery person do to you exactly. What's the damage seriously?" He waited.
Hiei shifted in his seat. "There was a documentary... and I... I was very disgusted with it that's all."
Kurama chuckled. "You serious? A human grossed you out? This is unbelievable, I need to see it."
"Kurama this is no laughing matter!" The fire demon shouted angrily and pounded his fist on the table, cracking it slightly. "My pride is at stake!"
Ever the quick thinker Kurama realized that his kitchen table was in the line of fire. He must agree to help the little fireball or else he'd be spending his Friday at Bob's Furniture, battling with salesmen. "Fine how can I help you with your dilemma"
Apparently appeased, Hiei growled and sat back down, mumbling something under his breath. Yet to even Kurama's delicate ears it sounded like, "I doughnut get off of us."
Foxy's face contorted, "You want some doughnuts Hiei?" Well it could be possible, maybe some sweets would make him feel better? After all depressed people seemed to eat allot.. Maybe it was the same with Hiei?
The shorter man growled, "I DON'T know how to get THE PAPER to GEFFERY LOUIS."
"OOOOOOOOHHH! I thought you needed some doughnuts. You know mumbling is really a bad habit, you shouldn't do it." Kurama really meant, "tsk tsk, bad boy!"
Hiei ground his teeth impatiently. So what if he had bad manners! Screw it, he wanted revenge Dam it!
"Lucky for you my friend," Hiei looked up from the table hopefully, "I have stamps."
Hiei stared in awe at the array of papers before him. "You sly fox you this is perfect! Surely with all this postage I will be able to exact my revenge on the human!" He rubbed his hands together expectantly, he could hardly wait.
They were stationed in Kurama's study. Hiei sat at the table working with all the postage and Kurama at the computer researching Geffery Louis's address.
Kurama typed in the film makers name. "Yes, I can be very formidable when need be Hiei." The browser opened to some links and he clicked on one, smiling after finding what he'd been looking for.
"BING!" Hiei looked up from his work and to Kurama.
"Was that you just now?"
"My pies done!" Kurama jumped up from his chair, knocking it over as he did so. "Hiei write down his address will you?" Then raced off to the kitchen to get his pastry.
Hiei placed the letter into an envelope, surprisingly Hiei had very neat handwriting, peeled off the stamps and stuck them on. He then went over to the computer.
"153 Winston place, Wells England. I have you now scum!" Hiei was about to write down the address when an add popped up.
'Click here for a free i pod!'
Hiei frowned, "no thank you," and another add popped up.
'You may be eligible to win free tickets to Snaft Dogg's new concert!'
"I don't care about you're Snaft Dogg." Click.
'Get a six pack in just 12 days!'
Hiei was so annoyed, "No! I don't care about your ninjen merchandise! I just want my dam revenge!" He clicked no.
The add popped up again. "No dam it!" It went away, until...
"oo Buy free videos. Click on me!"
"ARRGGHH! Fine! I will click 'Yes' to appease you!" Hiei clicked yes and right away was bombarded by porno adds. Dozens of women were shaking their boobs and asses in the fire demons face.
"oo Download 12 percent complete. oo soo much fun." said a sultry sexy feminine voice.
Hiei shrieked like a girl and bolted upright. "AH! Kurama their are ninjen females attempting to seduce me on your computer!" The demon dashed into the kitchen and began to tug on the hem of his friends sleeve. "Kurama! ninjen females attempting to seduce me on your computer!"
Kurama froze. "What?"
"Humans Kurama, Seducing me fox!"
"on my.. computer?" Kurama's mind slowly began to piece two and two together. "With boobs right?"
"Yes."
"OHGODYOUGOTPORNOONMYLAPTOP!" Mr. Foxy Fox cried and sprinted for his study.
Two hours later.
"Lick it Hiei."
"Lick it yourself!"
"I shouldn't have to! Now lick it mister!" The fox demon thrust the envelope under Hiei's nose. Kurama grinned maniacally, "You lick it now!"
Clearly taken aback the shorter man took the paper from his friends waiting hand and leaned back, and away from Kurama. "But why can't you? I wrote it after all."
Kurama's face started to turn red. 'oh crap!' Hiei could have sworn he saw a neck vein pulsate. "Because Hiei," the fox hissed through clenched teeth, "I just spent TWO HOURS WIPING PORN OUT OF MY MAINFRAME! Now you lick the dam envelope or I'm forcing you the hard way!"
Hiei shuddered, "Hn." he replied trying to maintain his masculinity. Then licked it. "UUHHH! IT'S DISGUSTING!" Hiei pursed his lips, squinted his eyes, and stuck his tongue out.
"LICK IT!"
"I DON'T WANNA!"
"DO IT!" Kurama leapt up from the computer and grabbed hold of the demons shoulders.
Hiei licked it again, tears welling up in his eyes. "IT'S HORRIBLE!"
"FINISH IT!"
"NO!" The great Hiei twisted in his chair and spat on the floor.
"LICK IT!"
"I HATE YOU!" He cried and finished the deed, sealing his letter within the envelope.
Kurama released his death grip on his friend and sighed. He walked over to the panel on his wall and turned off the light, finally after hours of bickering he could get some sleep. He yawned and waited for Hiei to follow.
"You staying in there all night?"
Silence
"Hiei?"
"...Beer and chips." Kurama looked taken aback by the sudden request.
"For what?"
"We must celebrate with for and drink! Beer and chips." Kurama peered about in the dark room. From his vantage point in the hall he couldn't see the pesky demon.
"Hiei where are you?" There was a shuffling, then the man in question appeared in front of Kurama.
"Why don't you ever listen? Go get us some celebratory snacks Fox! Revenge is a dish best served cold, and Beer is cold!"
"HAVE YOU CRACKED? You Go to bed now!" Kurama shoved Hiei back into his study and slammed the door.
"But Kurama the chips-"
"I said Go to BED!"
Pause...
"Can I have a pillow?"
Crickets chirping
"..Kurama?
Crickets still chirping
"Kur-Kurama you there?"
Crickets keel over and die.
Yeah that chapter just Looks long, really it's all useless ".."'s and random dialog. Lalalalalaa The reason why they aren't a couple in this fic is because I didn't feel like adding in more description and words than I had too. And make some of the yaoi ppl mad.. yes.. evil.