Spy Versus Spy

Author's Note: Whoops! I seem to have offended someone with this. Sorry! lol. I'm pretty sure the people in England brush their teeth, and they certainly do not watch James Bond all day, alright? Dont get me wrong, i love my country, but frankly, the actual CIA is having problems and the american media certainly is not helping... I'd thought i'd... poke fun at it too...But anyway! Sorry this took so long to update.

Chapter 3: The Mission

Nami sat in a lobby of the Los Angeles International airport, staring blankly at the man and woman standing in front of her. It was early in the morning, and the lobby was deserted. She had just read over her "mission briefing", and she was not convinced that they were serious.

"Are you serious?" Nami stared at them.

The two adults nodded curtly.

The man was Special Agent Kyle Mulder, the woman was Special Agent Margo Scully. Honestly, they were not too sure if the assignment for the girl was actually legitimate. It seemed a bit ...off.

"So," Nami started, reading off the paper. "You want me to go to North Korea, find Kim Jong-Il, and convince him to hand over any weapons of mass destruction...again, might I add..."

"Shh!" Agent Scully hushed. "You cant say the 'W.o.M.D' word in an airport!"

Nami ignored her. "...then steal a hair off his head and report back to Seoul as soon as possible." She looked at them.

The adults nodded again, disgruntled.

"What?" she exclaimed. "That's crazy, a hair off Kim Jong-Il's head?"

"...Yes."

"You guys are crazy...Report to Seoul? That's in South Korea, thats kinda far from North Korea..."

"Yes, and your point?" Agent Mulder asked.

"Well..." Nami sighed in defeat. "Don't I get any gadgets?"

A few hours later

Alex Rider stared at Mrs. Jones and Alan Blunt.

They stared back.

Alex raised an eyebrow.

They blinked.

"...What?" Alex said.

"You heard correctly." Blunt said.

"...What?" Alex paused. "...What?"

Mrs. Jones interupted Alex's train off thought. "Time for gadgets!"

Alex: "...What?"

Smithers, the jolly ol' fat man jumped into the office. "Alex, my dear boy, good to see you yet again! I've got another batch of all sorts of delightful thing for your trip... now see here..."

Alex looked at Mrs. Jones and Alan Blunt. "...Wh-"

"Yes Alex!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed.

"...Nevermind." Alex crossed his arms.

Smithers cleared his throat and held up a grocery bag. "You must excuse me, this was so short notice. Anyway..."

He pulled out a little bottle of eyedrops. "Look! Everyone needs eyedrops, and this actually doubles as a type of acid that can eat through any metal! Just dont get in in your eyes, or you will face permenant blindness..."

Alex was about to say something, but Smithers continued.

"I also have..." he pulled out another item. "A spiffy looking wristband! It allows us to know exactly where you are."

Alex expected him to say something else about the wristband, but he did not. It was just a tracking device.

Smithers pulled out another item. "A Superman action figure! This- well, this... what does this do..." Alex leaned back against the chair he was sitting in. "Oh yes! If you spin its head around three times, it will blow up after thirty seconds. And last but not least..."

Smither pulled out his last item.

"Now what boy would be complete without his trusty...Tennis ball!"

Alex snorted.

"If you squeeze it really hard, it will dispel a smokescreen that will help you get out of any given sicky situation!"

Smithers handed the bag to Alex. "Use them wisely!"

Then he wadled out.

Alex turned to the two adults. "What was that?" He asked.

"What do you think? Now, your flight leaves in..." Mrs. Jones looked at her clock. "Ten minutes! Lets go."

Still thoroughly confused, Alex stood up and allowed himself to be pushed out of the room.

A few hours back

Nami spun around before boarding the plane that would take her to India, where she would have to switch over to North Korea.

"Wait!" She called to the two special agents. They turned around.

"Yes?" Agent Mulder asked.

"How am I going to find Kim Jong-Il?" She asked.

"Just follow the trail of Kim Jong-Il pictures." Scully said airily.

The two agents turned around and walked away.

Nami scoffed and threw up her arms. "...Okay?" She walked down the terminal and on to the plane.

Alan Blunt and Gregory Tenet were speaking on the phone together.

"Just to update you..." Tenet cooed. "My agent has just arrived in the Pyongyang Airport."

Blunt glared at nothing. "So!"

His agent was still hours away.

"Well just wanted to drop that fact on you. Bye!" He hung up.

Alan Blunt slammed the phone down in rage. This was ridiculous! His agent was poorly equipted and the assignment was absurd. He was going to arrange someone to give Alex better gadgets when he arrived in Seoul, as well as a Korean-English dictionary. From Seoul, Alex would be tranported to North Korea.

He sighed.

Get a hair off Kim Jong-Il's head?

That Tenet.

an: LOL. I'm sorry, that was lame. It wan't worth the... eight month wait. The next chapter will be better, i hope. I feel bad for the agents... This is turning more into a Parody...