"GOD DAMMIT HIEI YOU FUCKING DUMBASS! I TOLD YOU NO FIGHTING! NO ALERTING THE PUBLIC YOU BUMBLING BAFOON!" It is a sad thing when elegance is lost.
There in front of him on the television screen was a scene of Hiei soaring off the top of a city bus. Landing, and causing, a huge traffic jam and several crashes to boot.
"Channel 5 news is here on sight, Lisa Stalton reports that a small teenage boy was street surfing on this local city bus, when a little boy ran in front of it chasing his ball. the bus screeched to a halt sending the small man flying into ongoing traffic. Views can only say that he seemed very annoyed and miraculously unharmed.."
Kurama frowned and crossed his arms, "Always with the chasing balls!"
"This is an eyes witness-"
"He looked like a fuzzy furby shooting off the bus like a torpedo! He screamed and landed with this black cape! So cool!"
Kurama flicked off the TV, "Oh you are in BIG trouble when you get here Mr"
----
Hiei burst triumphantly through the Minamino's door and swaggered in. "Kurama!" he called, "Today is a good day indeed, you there?" Hiei walked into the kitchen smelling the scent of cooking food. "Woah uhh Fox.." The demon stammered and ran his hand through his hair. This was quite unusual!
Kurama wore a frilly blue lacey apron and was furiously stirring a sizzling something in a pot over the stove. He had his hair up high in a bun with a pink scrunchie and had daisy printed pot holders on his hands. G-I-R-L-Y
Kurama looked up and growled, shaking his spoon at the fire demon. "I told you no trouble! And what did you do! STUPID TROLL!"
Hiei stood his ground and chose to ignore the irate fox's outburst. "Don't nag me your not my mother! Why are you dressed like a middle aged house wife?"
"I'M COOKING DINNER NOW SIT DOWN!" He did as he was told and a plate of steaming spaghetti was placed before him. There was strange white powder dusted on the top.
"You trying to poison me fox!" This was outrageous! Betrayed! Hiei reached for his sword.
"BITCH SLAP!" Hiei's face formed a huge O and he felt his head whip backwards. Before he could react his head was shoved from behind and face forcibly shoved into the plate.
"coughthouuckcu!" He cried trying to breathe through the spaghetti in his mouth and sauce in his nose. Kurama grinned and shoved his face further into the plate, making the sauce ooze out over the sides of the dish.
"It's cheese Hiei so enjoy the meal! Are you enjoying it? ARE YOU? This is what you get for causing chaos!"
The demon burst out of his noodle filled prison and leaped up onto the table, pointing an index finger rudely in his friend face." They had it coming, besides..I can feed myself Yoko!"
Kurama stared, ever annoyed. His friends face was covered in red sauce, and there were noodles dripping off his ears, there was some cheese stuck in his hair too. Emerald eyes followed and drop of sauce as it ran off the fire demons nose and land on the table. Speaking of table, Hiei was getting noodley feet prints on his freshly washed table!
"Sit down, and give me that! I'm sure it's not yours." He snatched at a lumpy protrusion by Hiei's waist.
"Kurama that it's mine don't touch!" Hiei slapped the offending hand away.
"That is not for you, it is for someone else! How many people did you have to hurt before your need was satisfied!"
"Only a few fox! It's in my nature now leave my Jewels alone!"
Kurama hissed and grabbed Hiei's shirt, shaking free the bag of stolen goods. Honestly! How could someone not notice the huge ass lump on his stomach? What would they think he had tumors? "As I thought! Hiei you Saucy fellow! You pulled a heist. I will see these returned later."
Hiei touched his face, "Yes I suppose I am saucy.."
They both sat down, Hiei began stuffing his face rather sloppily. Kurama strummed his fingers on the table impatiently, "I wanted to tell you about the surprise." He explained no further, leaving Hiei to wonder.
He looked up from his now polished plate, quite unlike his face, and licked his nose. Nose licking is a practiced art, it takes much talent. "Hn. I hate surprises Fox."
Suichi grinned from ear to ear, "It's about the letter! And Geffery Louis!"
If at any time in Hiei's privileged life her were to ever see a glowing golden halo, this was the moment. "Kurama your perfect! Tell me friends what did you do? Poison? Was it poison? Please tell me it was poison!"
Kurama leaped up and clasped hand with the smaller man, "It was! It was!" He nodded fervently, still grinning ear to ear.
Hiei's eyes glowed. "Even if he doesn't cry he'll die! Oh god I hope he cries! Tell me what did you use? TELL TELL!"
"Anthrax!"
Hiei stared confused, this was foreign to him. Shifty eyes "Genius."
----------------
Geffery Lewis whistled a happy tune and leaped out of bed. Today was another brilliantly perfect day in England! "Good morning sun!" Geffery waved tot he glowing ball of gas and it peaked over the horizon. He quickly pulled on his clothes and hurried to the door. the post would arrive soon!
"Hello Post man! Good morning!" A little over enthusiastic, but that was how Geffery lived.
"Good morning to you as well." Said the post man, just as he was about to put the mail in an Elephant seal shaped mail box. "I'll just leave these with you eh?"
Geffery smiled and scanned the bills for any sign of fan mail. YES! There it was a letter from Japan, Geffery loved his fans. Every time they sent him a letter he was enthralled, it wasn't often though. He could understand their shyness.
"mail mail mail mail.." He hummed and went to his kitchen to drink his coffee and read his mail. He opened his 'Fan mail' and read,
To one Geffery Louis,
Blah blah ruining my life blah blah blah. Dribble drabble yada yada documentary blah disgusting blah blah, Elephant Seals. Something whatever Taffy Useless words nothing important blah vomiting! I demand that you never show that disgusting piece of human filth on the T V machine or I will kill you. Yada blah painful ways!
Signed, stupid person blah Hiei
Geffery Louis had never been so offended in his life. He could feel them now, the tears welling up in his eyes. He would not cry! He would not! Grown men never cried, no matter how insulted they felt.
"WAH!" He yowled and beat his fists against his table, eyes pouring rivers. Half way across the world a certain fire demons wishes came true.
a/n Yeah so that's the end. I've actually seen a 3 foot mail box shaped like a sea lion, that's where I got the idea for that.