Stories from Hyrule and Crap

Note: Link never put the master sword back.

Chapter 1: Wait, you love me too?

"Link, I've never been happier than when we're together, I think we should be more than just friends," said Malon, surrounded in her glow of euphoria.

"I, I don't know what to say. Can I get back to you about that? I... I just think it would be kind of weird. But I think you're the most beautiful girl in the entire world, and… I don't know, I need to think about it," said Link, taken aback by this new development.

"Link, I would wait an eternity for you," said Malon.

"I think I should go now," Link said, "I need to give this some thought."

"Yes, that's probably best," said Malon.

"Well, bye, see you tomorrow," said Link.

"Bye, say yes," said Malon.

As Link walked off, he had a lot on his mind. After all, one of his best friends had just confessed her love for him. He really didn't know what he was going to do. He loved Malon, but most relationships didn't work out, and he wasn't sure if their friendship could survive a failed relationship. He was almost home, his Hyrule Town residence. It was a 2-bedroom house, even though there was one person living there. He needed some time alone. But he was drawing a blank. He needed to go out and do something. And there was essentially only one thing to help him: BINGE DRINKING!

He had almost reached the bar when he was reached by an old friend, Princess Zelda. "Hi, Link," she said.

"Oh, hey," said Link, nonchalantly.

"Something wrong?" asked Zelda.

"No," Link lied. That was a mistake. If he'd told Zelda what was going on then the upcoming never would've happened.

"Well, then, I've got something I've got to get off my chest," she said.

"What is it?" asked Link.

"I love you," she said.

"OH CRAP! OF ALL THE FREAKING THINGS YOU COULD'VE SAID, WHY THE FRIG DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT? WHY COULDN'T YOU BE AN AXE-MURDERER OR SOMETHING?" Link screamed. Or, at least he wanted to. All he really said was, "I don't know what to say." Again, a lie, as I just told you what he wanted to say.

"Say you love me too," said Zelda.

"I, I don't know. Can I get back to you?" he asked.

"What?" she replied.

"I, I just don't know if I'm ready for that, can I please just have some time to think it over?" he asked.

"Sure," she said uneasliy.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around," he said, leaving.

A liver or so later, Link walked out of the bar, sober as ever. Alcohol never affected him that way. He was just a little more relaxed. He decided to go swimming. He got to Lake Hylia, and, seeing that he was alone, took off all his clothes and started swimming. Just then, 6, 000 fangirls all fell out of trees all around him. Or not, but I expect they would. He swam a few times around the perimeter before he noticed that he wasn't actually alone. The silver-blue figure of the Zora princess Ruto was swimming at the bottom of the lake. Link must not have noticed her because he was only looking on the surface. It didn't look like even now she had noticed him. How embarrassing would that be? Especially after all Link had done today. Ruto loved him, he could just sense it. And how could he not at least have some feelings for her? She was beautiful. But had to avoid her at all costs. He had to keep his options as few as possible. One more girl with feelings for him would be the end. Even someone as beautiful as Ruto. Granted, Malon and Zelda were gorgeous. And all of them were extremely nice. But that was Link's dilemma. But Ruto hadn't seen him yet. He tried to swim towards a rock to get some cover. That was his fatal error. The noise caught Ruto's attention. She swam up to the surface. "Umm… hi Link," she said, trying not to look.

"Hi Ruto," he said, his nakedness beginning to lead to an awkward situation. Picture Rauru naked, eww, wrinkly he thought. That worked. Then he saw Ruto again and it all backfired. So he darted to shore and put his pants on, pretending to be embarrassed about being naked instead of about his huge chubby. Then he got back out into the water. He couldn't just run away, how would that look for the hero of time? "What's up?" he asked, digging his own grave deeper.

"I think we need to talk," she said. But it wasn't the I'm breaking up with you I think we need to talk, it was the I need to tell you something.

"Umm… sure, what's up?" asked Link, dreading the inevitable.

"When I gave you the Zora's sapphire 7 years ago, I wasn't serious about the engagement, I just wanted to help you, but now I think we should really go for it," she said.

"I can't say I haven't thought about saying the same thing, but I'm not sure either of us is ready for it yet," he said.

"Well, I don't mean we should get married right away, but maybe we should get serious," she said, "I think I love you."

"I… I need some time to think about it," Link said. How many times had he used that line today? At least 3.

"How long do you need? This isn't exactly what I expected," Ruto said.

"I… I'll know be tomorrow," he said.

"Well, if you must wait, I guess it's better than never knowing. Come back then, if I survive the anticipation," she said.

"Okay," he said, leaving. When he reached his house again, he decided that even though it was only early evening, he was going to bed. Maybe that would help him out. As he walked in, he saw Navi reading in her tiny fairy bed beside him. Even though she wasn't his real fairy (he had no real fairy, he wasn't really a Kokkiri, remember?), she still tended to follow him around, just because they'd been through so much together. "I've had the absolute worst day ever," said the hero of time, "Malon, Zelda and Ruto all told me they loved me, and I told them all that I'd tell them if I was ready for that tomorrow."

"Ooh, smooth," said Navi with boatloads of sarcasm. But she was hiding something, something that would fill her to bursting soon, "Link, we've been through a lot together, and I hope you do whatever you feel is right, just know that you have another option."

Wait… what? A fairy the size of a pea? I guess I could do worse. And besides, even though it wouldn't work out, some good could still come of it. He thought. But all that came out his lips was, "I'll think about it." He was in trouble now. At least before, all the other girls weren't in on this. Now they stood a risk of finding out. And with that, he went to bed. Tonight he wouldn't sleep well…

Author's Notes: So, you likey? Review and I update. Even if you flame me, then I update out of spite. Either way, I love reviews.