And so the spoof BEGINS...
The scene takes place...in the thieves' guild! The guild master, Galem Darkhand, with Masila, Valin, and some anthro idiot Tuskaninny (with feathers in his cap) by his side, sifts through a pile of treasures and useless crap.
Galem (holding a cup in one hand and skull in the other): Statues, pottery, and a few old books--
Valin: And you got a cup and skull too, boss!
Galem: --...yes, and these too. HARDLY worth the effort to bring back--
Valin: Yeah, dog! Where's da weed?
Masila: Quiet, monkey!
Valin: Bitch, watchoo call me? -pounces on her-
Masila: ARGH!
Galem: Get this rubbish out of my sight!
Tuskaninny: The treasure, or Masila and the monkey?
Galem: Both. T.T -watches as the stuff is taken away-
Random Korbat (reading an old piece of paper): My Lord, there is something interesting here!
Galem: O RLY?
Korbat: Uh...yeah. I can't make it all out but there is some mention of a very special gem.
Galem: O RLY?
Korbat: Um...yes...
Galem: HOW special?
Korbat: It says there is a huge gem called the Heart of the Mountain that is said to bring eternal life. It says something about a key to the heart deep within a tomb with these strange markings on it. That is all I can make out, sir.
Galem: -grabs paper and holds it up for all to see- You are my most valuable thieves and--
Valin: Boy, we yo' ONLY thieves!
Galem: --...and I have a little task for you. There is something I want hidden in a tomb somewhere. The tomb has strange markings on it like this.
Masila: Like what?
Galem: Like this. -holds out paper-
Masila: O RLY?
Galem: YES. Bring what is inside the tomb to me and I will reward you very richly. We shall meet in a month at the foot of Terror Mountain. Now be off and find me my prize!
Valin: YES, SIR! 8D
Galem: Wait! I have a special mission for you.
Valin: O RLY?
Galem: ...-bitch slaps Valin- YES!
END OF CHAPTER ONE
Oh...what will happen now? Find out next chapter!