(Spoof typed up by Return Of Itsy with a little revision by The Dono Trio )
Chapter Nine... (don't expect anything elaborate)
Kanrik (walking out of tent): Masila is right. This monster could work for us.
Masila: HELL YES I WAS RIGHT! -pelvic thrust of triumph-
Kanrik (looking at Techo and Wocky): You two give me a hand here.
Wocky (shrugging): Okay. -grabs Kanrik's crotch-
Kanrik: O.O HEY! NOT THAT!
Wocky: Oops... heh heh...
(They all open the coffin)
Bringer of Night (rising from coffin): RAWR! -flexes biceps- YEAH! Who's da
Bringer of Night, bitch?
(Three whole panels are unnecessarily used to show the Bringer's eyes go from
yellow to glowing red)
(Bringer starts walking towards thieves' camp)
Kanrik: Wait. Come back! I command you!
Bringer: -turns around and pimp smacks Kanrik- Bitch, don't choo know who da
FUCK I am? I'm the Bringer, bitch!
Kanrik: I don't give a damn WHO the hell you are, you big-looking mother...
(Bringer raises army of icy skeletal soldiers)
Scorchio thief: WTF? RUN!
Zafara: Ah.
Galem: To arms! Defend the camp!
Masila: -throws a rock at the Bringer-
Bringer: Silly bitch! Yo weapons cannot harm me! Don't choo know who da FUCK I
am? I'm da BRINGER OF NIGHT!
Me: Rawr.-throws potatos-
Masila: I'ma whoop yo ass, you big motha fucka!
(Masila gets pimp smacked)
Masila: Uh! -falls dramatically-
Bringer: Yeah! You my hooker now! I'm gonna RAPE ya bitch! Ya ready? Ya ready?
Huh bitch? You ready bitch?
Kanrik: He--
Bringer: Oh, f'god sakes, Kanrik, SHUT DA FUCK UP, KANRIK. SHUT DA FUCK UP. KANRIK, NOOOOOOOO!
(Kanrik fires a lit joint into the Bringer's eye)
Bringer: Ah, ya got my head! I'm the Bringer, bitch! KANRIK! WTF is dis shit?
Aw, I'm trippin' off acid! D:
(Skeletal warrior sneaks up behind Kanrik and attack)
Skeletal warrior: Gotcha, bitch! Oh, yeah! What now, mutha fucka? Gotchoo with
my pimp cane, hell yeah!
Kanrik: DEFEATED! -faints-
(Next scene shows Hannah and Armin, faced by three angry snowbeasts)
Armin: Aw hell...
Hannah: Maybe we can bribe them with some nuts... I always carry some with me.
Armin: Heh...you said 'nuts'... xD
Itsy: Bitch, did you know how wrong that sounded, foo?